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[b][u][center]Expectations She Can’t Fulfill[/center][/u][/b]

[b][u][center]Part 1[/center][/u][/b]

[b][u][center]For Rayo_ElGatubelo[/center][/u][/b]

[b][u][center]By Draconicon[/center][/u][/b]

Bum-bum-bum.

Bum-bum-bum.

Bum-bum –

Samiya slapped her phone’s screen, cutting off the rest of the too-loud alarm before it could spread through the thin walls of the apartment to whoever else lived in the building. Her cheeks burned as she tapped the volume button on the side of it, shaking her head as she looked across the table.

“Sorry, Jibreel,” she said, still shaking her head. “I just – I was thinking an alarm would be good to make sure we didn’t over-study –”

“It is perfectly fine, Samiya, genuinely.”

She nodded, having to bite her tongue to keep more apologies from pouring out of her mouth. She was still more embarrassed than she needed to be, particularly as – well, the alarm wasn’t just for optimal study.

Shutting the biology textbook on her side of the table, she started her usual packing-up. Same as ever, same efficient stuffing of the backpack, same jamming of everything on top of the papers and notebooks, same attempt at small-talk with her friend – boyfriend, she corrected herself as she muttered under her breath.

“Still can’t believe that we have the same biology class.”

“It is not so impossible as you’d think,” he said, chuckling.

“I mean, you are here for an Engineering degree. Bit weird.”

“There are endless credits in this country that make little sense for a specialized degree. I am merely happy that I had the chance to get to meet you.”

And that was more than enough to get her face burning all the hotter. She tilted her head so that her hair could hide it, at least for a few seconds, at least long enough for her to get herself under control.

[i]Just get laid,[/i] she knew her aunty would say. [i]Get some for yourself. Have fun. Your body wants it, listen to it.[/i]

And she knew that there was a very eager cousin of hers that would have done just that. She knew Mughriya wouldn’t hesitate in the slightest to drag Jibreel to the bedroom and have a little fun with him. Might even go further, depending on just what sort of things were said between them, but –

Not her. Not her.

“I’m glad that I got the chance to meet you, too, Jibreel,” she said, stuffing the last of her papers into the bag. “It’s not every day that you get to meet someone of a different culture, let alone someone so kind.”

“You speak of kindness in others when you show so much yourself. I would be struggling without you, and you know how it is with my family.”

“Oh yes. Your father…very strict…”

“You have no idea…”

She doubted that anyone did; she knew more than most, and Jibreel had been very closed-mouth about his family with her. The most she was allowed to know was that he had money and that the rest of the college wasn’t supposed to know, and that his father would keep the money coming so long as he had straight As and never slipped below a certain average in class. That had been part of the reason that they were even talking; she was at the head of their shared biology class, despite being a freshman, while he was a year ahead of her and struggling in it.

What had started as nothing more than tutoring had become a strong friendship, and – well, technically something more, though they hadn’t gone any further with that yet. Not yet.

[i]Not for a while…not until marriage…[/i]

Samiya chuckled as she pushed herself to her feet, settling her backpack over her shoulders. She was just putting the chair back in when Jibreel held up a hand.

“Wait. I meant to ask earlier, but – well, you are so focused on work, I didn’t think to say it.”

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked. “A custom or –”

“My father would insist on custom, Samiya. I merely ask that you be yourself, because that is far greater to me.”

She looked away, rubbing her cheek despite herself. How he managed to keep flattering her [i]that[/i] well, she didn’t know, but she was going to be glowing like the sun on the way back to the dorm later. Mughriya would be giggling at her, telling her to just take it as her due, but it was never that easy.

“What was the question?” she asked, still rubbing her cheek.

“It’s been a while since we’ve spent time together after school. Without studying, I mean,” he said. “I was curious if you might want to…stay a while? Not-not for anything improper. Just to watch a show for a while.”

“…What show?”

“There [i]is[/i] another season of that baking show that you liked last month. A bake-off show?”

“…Heh. I thought you hated that.”

“It has grown on me with its style. But I remembered that you enjoyed it a great deal.”

“…A whole season?”

“Indeed. All on Netflix.”

“…Could you give me a second? I – I need a moment to use the toilet.”

“Of course. Go on. I’ll wait.”

He waved for her to head back down the hallway. She did, leaving her bag behind to keep from looking suspicious about it, and it took everything she had to not run down the carpeted floor. Her sneakers were soundless as she hurried along. No skirt, no flare of cloth to show off flesh. She didn’t wear those things, as much as her family felt that it was a lost opportunity for her at times.

She shut the door and locked it behind her, leaning forward against the bathroom sink. Samiya felt her heart hammering against her chest, not from attraction or love, but from blind fear.

[i]He’s not going to…he’s not going to take it further. He’s a good man, he’s someone that you could enjoy time with.[/i]

But not time in bed.

Not time naked together.

Not…like that.

Samiya forced herself to keep taking deep breaths, reminding herself that Jibreel was a Muslim and that they had certain rules about this. No sex before marriage was a powerful one in their culture, she remembered. That meant that he wouldn’t ask for it to go from Netflix to Netflix and Chill. Things were going to be fine. Things were going to be [i]fine.[/i]

Or at the very least, she hoped so. She had a nice thing going with Jibreel and she didn’t want to…

Didn’t want to…

Samiya slumped forward until her forehead rested against the mirror. The cool surface was enough to pull her out of her self-destructive spiral, and she opened her eyes to stare at herself.

“…Why can’t you be normal?” she muttered.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Jibreel. She liked him quite a bit, more than she liked a number of her other friends. She thought that was what love was supposed to be, liking someone more than you liked other people. That was what all those movies and stories made it out to be, having someone that you cared about more than you cared about yourself, or about the other people in your life. Right?

Except…

For all that she cared for him, she didn’t have that same urge that she’d heard the other girls in her dorms talk about, or the same drive that she saw in Mughriya and her aunt, Naguiba, to chase down and enjoy others. She didn’t have that…attraction, she supposed, to people that they did.

Was she a little bit horny? Yes. Did it feel good to think of herself with Jibreel? Absolutely not.

[i]He won’t go that far. He won’t. He’s a good man.[/i]

He was still a man.

[i]He’s got culture. He’s got reasons to not push me.[/i]

Was that empirical evidence?

[i]It’s close enough.[/i]

What if he does push you?

[i]…Then I can handle it…[/i]

It would break her heart, it would mean that her life at Grant State University was going to get far more complicated, but she could handle it. Of course, she’d never hear the end of it from her family, but they’d be the ones that had to help her handle it at that point, and then they could lord it over her for the rest of her life. Better that than some of the things that might happen if she ended up…letting him.

[i]But I won’t have to let him. Things are going to be fine. He’s a good man, and he’s not going to be a problem,[/i] Samiya told her reflection, pulling her hair back and out of her face. [i]He’ll treat me nicely, and we can move on after that.[/i]

She breathed out, a slow but genuine smile creeping onto her face. Much as she did worry about him pushing for more, she still wanted to spend time with him. She still didn’t know if it was love – it never felt as strong as her friends described love as feeling – but it was something nice, and she wanted more of it.

Flushing the toilet, Samiya left the bathroom and returned to the living room. Jibreel was still there, sitting in his chair at the table.

He really was someone that she felt a bit lucky to have. Some of the other girls swooned over him. He looked…exotic, she supposed, though with her experiences with more people from that part of the world, not as much to her. He had well-groomed hair, fine cheekbones, and a face that looked well-structured and chiseled into place. He didn’t have any of the scarring or acne that some of her other classmates did in previous schools, and he honestly fit every definition of handsome that she’d ever read.

But hot?

Not to her.

She smiled as she walked back over to him. As she leaned over the table, she nodded.

“I think I can stick around for a few hours. A few episodes, at least.”

“Wonderful!” Jibreel smiled, taking her hand. “Thank you for giving this a chance, Samiya.”

“Well, you’re asking. I should trust you, shouldn’t I?”

“I’m glad you say that.”

He gently took her hand and started to kiss the back of it. She stiffened slightly, trying not to make it a thing, but he stopped himself.

“I am sorry,” he said, letting go.

“N-no, it’s fine.”

“No, I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. One day, perhaps.”

She wished that ‘one day’ could be today, but it clearly wasn’t. Maybe one day she could figure out what made things so much harder. Maybe one day, she’d know why she was having so much trouble being normal with other people.

“I’ll order some food for us. Any preferences?” he asked.

“Surprise me.”

“As you wish.”

He bobbed his head as he got up from the table, grabbing his phone in the process. As he walked down the hall, flicking his finger along the screen – he liked to pace when he was thinking about something – Samiya couldn’t help but smile. He was a good person, and generous. He didn’t like to flaunt his money, but there were many a time when he had been kind behind her back and helped her out.

Food, however, was something that he refused to settle on. She had seen a number of take-out orders that had come to the apartment when he had friends, and she smallest number that she’d ever seen on hastily-hidden receipts was $200. He wanted to pamper his friends, to show them the good life that they wouldn’t get until they left college, if that, and the way that he just…pushed it, in some ways, was kind of adorable.

Samiya shook her head, leaning back against the table –

Tingle.

And froze. She felt it again, like little nettles dragging along the back of her hand. She turned her head toward the window near the table, staring out from the apartment to the night sky –

“Oh, no…”

And she saw the moon. The [i]full[/i] moon. The light had finally come down through the window, onto the table, and on the back of her hand, which was already starting to tan further than she was supposed to. She pulled it back, but the tingle had already settled into her blood, getting carried further up her arm and toward the core of her body.

“No, no, no, no, not tonight…”

She should have looked at the news, or the weather, or something. This – this was not good. Jibreel didn’t know about this side of her, didn’t know anything about them existing. If she exposed herself then she’d have no choice but to take much more extreme measures. And even if she didn’t, her family would, and –

No.

She had to get out.

She had to get away.

Grabbing her hoodie, she pulled it over her head, dragging the hood up and over the top of her head just as her ears started to tingle, as well. Her hands, one already a bit fuzzy, went into the belly pocket as she hustled down the hall.

“Jibreel!”

“Hmm? Yes, dear?” he asked, looking up from his phone. “…Why are you all wrapped up?”

“I just got a text. I have to run.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Not wrong enough that you need to come with me, not right enough that I can stay,” she said.

“…That is a very specific kind of wrong.”

“I know, I know, but –”

[i]Don’t show it on your face, don’t show it on your face![/i]

She could feel her body changing still, the tingle running down her back over her spine and hitting her tailbone. The tiniest of crunches began, bone growing, her skin stretching back there. Her fingers were on the verge of popping and cracking, and only years of experience with this sort of change happening again and again kept her from clenching them and popping her joints.

“I still have to go. I’m so sorry; you didn’t order anything yet, did you?”

“Not yet. Shall I –”

“No, no.”

Oh, it was spreading. She could feel the fur slowly running up her arms, over her shoulders. It would creep up her neck and over her face soon, and there was no way to slow that down. Her ears were already starting to twist about at the sides of her head, and while the hoodie was hiding that for now, it wouldn’t for long.

“I have to go. I’m [i]so[/i] sorry. I’ll call you later!”

Samiya turned on her heel, running for the front door – [i]Don’t look, don’t look[/i] – and grabbed the knob with a hand mostly furred with claws starting to take the place of her nails. She nearly ripped it off its hinges before she slowed herself down, making herself take it a bit slower, use less strength.

Click.

Clack.

She was out of the apartment but not out of danger. Samiya hurried along toward the stairwell, knowing that it was three stories down to the ground floor, and she bit her lips as she could feel her fangs growing in.

“Nnngh…”

Her tail was still slowly pushing up at the small of her back, making a tiny little bulge in the back of her hoodie. Worse was the feeling of her bones popping, lengthening, growing a few inches all over her body to contribute to a taller, thicker, more muscular woman. Still lean, still not so large as some of the other women in her family, but certainly no longer the slender waif of a girl that she had been.

Surge.

Throb.

Surge.

Throb.

She was halfway down the steps when she felt the fur along the bottom of her chin, creeping over her stomach and her breasts, running down her legs. She pulled one hand out, looking at the vaguely russet red color that spread across her body. Not the most common lion color, but still one that existed in nature. She shoved her hand back into her pocket, picking up speed while she still could.

One flight.

Two.

On the third, she felt it. Crick-crack. The sudden shift in her heels nearly sent her flying to the bottom of the stairs and forced her to grab hold of the railing. Samiya hissed, whimpering as she kicked her shoes to the bottom of the steps. Dark enough that she should be okay, long as she hurried.

Should be.

Hopefully.

As she waddled down the steps, her bare feet continued to crick, crack, and rise. Her heel lifted off the ground, refusing to rest on the steps any longer. It kept changing, fur rushing over the top and part of the bottom, and little pads started to take form as they always did during the change.

[i]Just…keep…moving…[/i]

She reached the bottom of the steps, collected her shoes, and winced as she stood back up. Her hoodie was roomy enough, barely, for her new height and muscles, but it was still pulled so tight across her top. Her breasts, formerly almost invisible in her hoodie, now stood out like a small shelf. Not so huge as some of the werewolves out there, but certainly larger than she really wanted to display.

Her pants were in sorrier shape. They were tighter because she didn’t know that today would be a full moon, and her jeans were giving way against the thicker muscle and hips. They didn’t completely tear, but she could feel the air flow through rips along her thighs and hips that hadn’t been there before.

There was no whimpering, no crying. She was too focused on keeping moving for that. And so, she did.

Across the parking lot, down the street, and halfway toward the campus border before her tail finally ripped through. She bit off a hiss, clenching her teeth as her tail pushed out from under her hoodie, extending and elongating, the little tuft of hair at the tip getting further from her spine. She grabbed it just below the hair, holding it tight and tucking it against her side in case some lucky driver came back.

Her face, though…

Ugh, her fangs had been rough, but the feeling of her face pushing out as she waited at an intersection was so much worse. She could feel the tingling, crackling, pressurized shift from the inside, and all she could do was bite her tongue and hope nobody looked too close at the hoodied figure in the dark.

[i]Change…change…change…[/i]

The light refused to heed her chant, but her body sure as hell listened. She kept shifting, her legs cracking again as her bones realigned, her toes plumped up against the pavement and grew claws of their own, and her ears finally finished the movement to the top of her head. Her free hand went to the edge of her hood, trying to keep it up for as long as possible even as it crushed the edges of her ears against her skull.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

The light finally changed, and she charged across the street onto the campus. She kept her head down, rushing along to her dorm as fast as she could. The sorority house on the other side of the campus beckoned to her, but there was no way in hell she was going there post-transformation. While there were a few others there that had already changed as well – including her cousin – she didn’t want to be around them. She didn’t want that sort of…that sort of confusion that always came with this.

[i]When I’m human, my heart’s in charge. When I’m this…[/i]

She was halfway to the dorms when ‘this’ struck. Samiya bit her lips, having to lean against the nearest building as her pussy clenched so hard that it was like heat-cramps turned up to an eleven. Her insides were [i]not[/i] happy that she wasn’t already mid-breeding with someone, and she hissed through clenched teeth as she fought to keep her legs from shaking and taking her to the ground.

[i]Right…right…human and were periods…not in sync…[/i]

She’d thought she was safe when she had her period earlier in the month, but nope. Nope, she was one of those that had a desynchronization between the two. They lined up from time to time by sheer happenstance, but most of the time –

Clench.

Clench.

Clench.

“Fuck…fuck you, body…”

Samiya bit her lips, blushing as she managed to keep from collapsing, though by the slimmest of margins. She forced herself to keep moving, dragging her stretched-out feet through the dirt at times as she made her way to her solo dorm.

No clerk at the front. Thank fuck.

Dragging herself down the hallways, she managed to reach her room without incident. She unlocked the door, stepped inside, and slammed it shut before engaging every lock she had.

Once that was done, she fell into bed, stripping off her hoodie, her shirt, her jeans, everything. All her clothes went in the corner as she rolled onto her back, her hair still falling flat over her face as she panted for breath. One, two, three, each deep breath doing nothing to calm her and everything to make her feel that much hotter and needier. She groaned and slammed the back of her head against the pillow.

[i]Nnngh…why…why…why?![/i]

Heat. She knew that it was heat. It was always heat when she was transforming during the full moon, and sometimes it shifted around and came back with a vengeance as a secondary heat at a different time of the month. Regardless of when it came, it was always the same: her body’s sex-drive lurched upward, in full swing, making her desperate and horny and so wound up that it would take over a dozen orgasms to feel right again, or one good breeding.

The problem was…

She clenched her hands against the blankets, resisting for a bit longer. Just a few more minutes, she told herself. A few more minutes, and she could take care of it. But it was best to let the worst of the post-transformation heat pass before getting into it, or she wouldn’t be able to stop even when she was satisfied. Just a bit longer. Just…a bit…longer.

The problem was, she still didn’t have someone she wanted to do this with. Her moms thought that there was something wrong with her when she didn’t engage with them or show any signs of interest during her first few heats. Incest being as common as it was for were-cats, that was concerning to them, but the doctors never found anything wrong.

And it had only gotten worse from there. No crushes in elementary school. No incidents in junior or senior high. Nothing in the year between graduating and going to university. Her aunt called her frigid, Mughriya, her cousin, teased her about her lack of action, and her mothers acted all worried that she’d not find someone.

But she just…didn’t want anyone. She just –

“Nnnngh…damn…damn it…”

She just needed to get off. Not to have sex, not to get bred, just to get [i]relief.[/i]

She looked at the wall clock. Two minutes since she got in. One more and she could get the toy out of her bag. One minute and she could start fixing this so she wasn’t losing her mind to her own body’s needs.

Ring ring.

“Oh, not now…”

She glared at her pants across the room. One pocket glowed with the light of her phone, and the ringing continued. It could have been Jibreel, or one of her family members, or a professor, or just a spam call. It didn’t matter; she would have to let it go to voice mail, and she just hoped that whoever it was would understand.

She thumped her head back against her pillow, then did it again, and again. Every single time she got into this mess, she had the reminder of how messed up things were for her. Every single time she went into heat, she had the reminder – from her family, from Mughriya, from the few other weres that she knew – that there were possibilities for dealing with it beyond toys. She knew that there were others that she could hook up with, and she knew that her aunt would have encouraged her to find some helpless human and enjoy them, perhaps even going so far as to thrall them and make sure that the secret stayed safe.

But that wasn’t her.

She couldn’t do that.

It wasn’t even that she didn’t want to; she had legitimately entertained the thought and had come to the conclusion that if she could go through with it, it would make the most logical sense. She could have moved in with someone months ago, had them be an obedient underling, and gotten everything that she needed out of the relationship with minimal cost.

But it wasn’t her. She couldn’t even have sex with someone that she liked, let alone some stranger off the streets. That wasn’t how it worked. The most that they could do was stop her from having any sort of interest in satisfying her urges, and that would make her go absolutely fucking crazy.

One minute. The phone stopped ringing.

With a feral growl, the lioness reached under her mattress and pulled out her toy. It was a gift from family, something that they’d known she’d need, and it was modeled after a very well-hung werelion in the porn business, as far as she could tell. She’d never met him, but that was all the better for her.

With how much she was dripping from her heat, there was no need to lube up the toy. She ground it against her pussy a few times and rammed it in, the silicone barbs at the tip tickling at her inner walls –

“MMMPH!”

She almost came right then and there from how needy she was. Grabbing her pillow, she covered her face, holding it over her mouth to keep the screams and whimpers from coming free.

Even this wasn’t ‘enjoyable,’ per se. She didn’t [i]like[/i] masturbating in bed, didn’t like feeling something pounding into her, but the difference between liking something on an emotional level and enjoying something on a physical level were never so stark as this. It was like being starving and being force-fed something vile. You’d hate it, but the body would take it and be thankful.

This was like that. She needed to get off, to take the edge off of the pain and throbbing urge in her core, but she didn’t like the feeling of something sliding into her or touching herself like this. But she still had to do it.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

She closed her eyes, not to imagine someone fucking her, but to just focus on the feeling building up and how close her orgasm was. Samiya tried to encourage that, trying to find the best ways to thrust the dildo in to hit the right spots and get herself off so she could stop. A little to the left – then the right – pulling back –

“NNGH!”

That was a good one. Right on the g-spot that time, and it was enough for that first blast of ‘pleasure.’ Her body tensed up and clenched, and she felt it all running out of her in a heated squirt that soaked her bedsheets down to the foot of the bed. She’d be sleeping in her own stink tonight, but there wasn’t much that she could do about that. Not much that she could do about almost any of this.

She took her hand off the dildo, letting herself sink into the sheets for a moment. The heat was still there, still needed more treatment, but it wasn’t as biting and gripping as it had been. She had a few minutes of sanity, at least, a few minutes to try and pull her head back on straight.

[i]Jibreel…[/i]

God, she hoped that he would forgive her for that. She’d never meant to run off like that. She honestly wanted to make things good for him and her, but if this kept happening, she didn’t know how long she could keep the secret.

And she had to. That was part of being a werelioness. Being a were in general, for that matter; without keeping the secret, there was too much danger for the rest of the community. They had to keep regular humans from finding out, and the only safety for them in relationships, most of the time, was with a thrall, someone fucked and changed and turned into something little more than a slave.

Even if she’d been ‘normal,’ she wasn’t sure that she could have lived with herself after doing that to someone. It felt so…wrong, even if her aunty taught her – and every other were attending Grant State – that it was the best way to go about it if you were going to do it in the first place. But Aunty Naguiba was flat-out insane in so many ways, and she couldn’t exactly take the older werelioness’s advice on something like this.

She could feel her body heating up again, her needs rising once more. She would have to deal with it soon. It would pass by tomorrow, at least, and that would give her some kind of ease, but before it came back…

[i]Talk with Mughriya…she might…she might have an idea…[/i]

Yes, her horned-up, carefree cousin that seemed to have completely embraced the chaos of university life. She would probably have something to say, though whether it was useful was up for debate.

“Nnnngh…”

Unable to hold back any longer, she grabbed hold of the dildo and set about trying to get herself off a few more times. It was going to be a while before she could properly sleep, and she hated her body for what it did to her.

[b][u][center]The End[/center][/u][/b]

Summary: Samiya, a woman grappling with her own sexuality, has a small problem with her boyfriend, and with her own fears for what’s coming.

Tags: F/solo, Sexual Exploration, Trying To Understand, Heat, Werelioness, Lioness, Human, Transformation, Secret, Series, Masturbation, Dildo,