Tina's Story Chapter 12 Understanding Myself
In Chapter11, Ray and Tina think about the events of the day, and think longingly of each other. Meantime, Colleen has a liason with 'the man'. He is a fifty something Cali entertainment type, who showers her with gifts, after which, Colleen showers him in an entirelt different kind of way. She goes to bed alone, empty and frustrated.
It is early Monday morning at the DMV. Since many employees use public transportation, they arrive at work early. Such is the case at Tina's office. It is 8:15 , and KC is already at work. She is sitting at the breakroom table, reading a 'People' magazine that someone had left. She is picking at a cheese Danish, and drinks her coffee from a giant pink mug the says 'Because I'm the Princess, that's why" Tina enters the room....
Morning, KC"
"Morning, Tina"
" Have a nice weekend?"
"Mostly stayed home, getting the last few remnants of Bull out...you know, getting the rodeo mags out of the bathroom, cleaning the tobacco stains from above the trash can....You?
just then, Rosa walks in. She carries a wicker basket, with a cloth cover that smells wonderful....
"Fresh tamales, ladies. Pedro says he stays with me for my tamales. I told him I know someone who makes better tamales....a big hairy truck driver....maybe they can spend the nights together!"
"I don't think it's your tamales Pedro is after...I think it's your taco!" KC laughs.
"You won't believe what happened this weekend" Tina anounces, excitedly....
"What is it, honey?" Rosa inquires.
"Ray told me he loves me!" Tina gushes...
"Was he looking for sex?" KC asks....
" No, I don't think that was an issue..."
" Then that settles it...it was genuine....." " Congratulations, sweetie, he's a lucky guy....."
"I gotta clock in; I need to take a long lunch- Ray is taking me downstair for my learner's permit! Save me a tamale.....Then Tina heads out for the time clock......
"Where's Colleen? She's usually here by now..."
" She told me she'd be coming in late...doctor appointment or something....."
Colleen enters the lobby of a swanky downtown medical building. She is wearing a grey Chanel suit, white silk blouse, and carries a Gucci bag. She rides the elevator to the top floor, entering a posh therapist's office. As the first appointment of the day, Colleen is quickly ushered into the office.....
"Good morning, Ms McCafferty. I'm Sue Wegman. " Dr Wegman was slight, thin, studious looking, and utterly non descript. " if you like, you can lay down on the sofa, or sit up idf you prefer. What brings you here?
Colleen exercised her option to sit upright., legs tucked off and to the side.
"I get up every morning, and I feel.....empty. Like, is this all there is?
" Do you work?"
"At the motor vehicle department..."
The doctor looks at Coleen's Manalo Blahniks. Apparantly the DMV pays good money these days.....
"married?"
"Single"
"Dating?"
"been seeing this man for a number of years"
"He's married"
"I see.....tell me more......"
"He's from California....a producer.
"And....."
"He takes good care of me....."
"In what way?"
"He's extremely generous...."
"And what does he get out of this?"
"He gets a very hairy redhead to urinate on him"
"I noticed your hair. Is that part of it....it's what he likes?"
"Pretty much; I mean, I've been this way so long, It's just a part of me...."
"So, Colleen, what brings you here? I mean, you've told me that you've felt this way for years. So, why now?"
" Well, last week, some girls went out to go shopping for a friend's first date, then a slumber party. After the rest of the others went to bed, I stayed up talking to this young girl in my office. After a few drinks, we each told our 'stories'. After a little while, I took her to bed, and....."
"And you were sexual with each other?
"Yes. A few nights later, she came to see me after her boyfriend beat her up. We ended up sleeping together again. The next day, she came to me and asked if she was a lesbian...."
"I see...how did that make you feel?"
"Like a heel. She came to me for help, and I just added to her problems...."
Colleen's eyes begin to well up...
"This girl...she's an adult?"
"Yes, mid twenties"
"It was consensual...."
"It was...."
"I gather it was her first experience?"
"Yes"
"And yours?"
"Yes"
"How did it feel?"
"For a time, I could feel again. I liked the warmth and closeness. then quickly I felt even worse."
"Why do you suppose that was?"
Colleen thinks..."Guilt"
"but guilt over what?"
"that I exploited her....that I was having sex with another woman...."
"I'm not hearing anything positive about this 'man' with whom you have a 'relationship'.
Coleen looks very sad, putting her head down. "I guess it's not much of a relationship"
"Then why do you continue?"
Colleen becomes agitated..."you don't understand; I grew up on a horse farm; not in the farmhouse....I WAS PART OF THE LIVESTOCK! I vowed that whatever happened, I'd never go back, that I'd always takes care of myself..."
"And yet...." the Doctor drew her thought out..." He 'owns' you....."
Colleen looks up, with a strange look on her face.
"I gather you never looked at it like that."
"No."
"Have you ever been in love, Colleen?"
Colleen smiled..."There was this young Setter; tall and handsome and very, very red.....but that was a long time ago. Love is a game for fools.....you just set yourself up for unhappiness and disappointment."
"Sounds like some personal experience talking" The Doctor looks at her watch. "Looks like our time is about up. I trust that you'd like to continue this conversation. Stop at the receptionist; she'll make your apoointment....."
Colleen smiled politely and left, stopping at the reception desk.....
Driving back to the office, Colleen thought about the Doctor's questions....why was she so resistant to breaking off with the man? What had happened in her life that backed her into this stuation? Was she wrong to have made love to KC? The answers would have to wait. Colleen turned into the garage at the DMV.........
To be continued...