Chapter 4- Lesson
(This is my second writing, ever, and my first in this great furry genre. Based on my character Gear, a 17 year old wolf trying to find himself. Hello again. I decided to finally get Chapter 4 on here and hope it does better. Please dont hesitate to c&c since I didnt get any last chapter I'm due for more :] But I must administer the usual "careful theres content some lines down you shouldnt let lil bro read" and to again thank my best friend Ashura. Here we go.)
Chapter 4: Lessons
I wander through the endless mobs of rushing pedestrians and aimless bums, rejoicing at the sight of a park without all the clutter. After waiting nearly an eternity for traffic to pass, I dash across the street, unaware that green lights don't last nearly as long in the city. Finally into the green, humbled park, I scan the wooded area. The park is circular, surrounded by a square that is the black, steel fence. In each corner there is a triangular patch of grass, trees and bushes that enclose an inner circle of gray, worn pavement. I lastly notice a weathered fountain statue in the center; an angel floating over a cub. There are no other furs in the park, so I feel calm in my privacy. I decide to find a comfortable spot on a branch in one of the tree's that isn't shaded by the massive cathedral, taking up two sides of the park. Being the lanky, agile wolf I am, I leap up the tree and gracefully settle on a branch halfway up the old 15-foot oak. The sun feels great shining on me, and I relax my eyes when the shade from leaves cover my face occasionally. I sit back and tear into the honey bun like I haven't eaten in days. God, isn't glazed the best? After devouring the hapless bun, I sit heavily on the branch; I'm in a state of bliss until my tail starts aching. I hop out of the tree and land on my footpaws, almost kissing the grass.
On the way back, I take my time and absorb what living in the city is like. Furs, cars, smoke, smells, grime, and one sense I can't evade; danger. I already know what to watch for in this place. Ignoring my fur standing on end from being over-alerted, I slow down when a gruff, but nicely rugged feline catches my eye near the mouth of an alley. I reckon he's a calico by the milky-white stubble on his black furred chin. His long white whiskers and spots are dirty, but I can still tell. I pass him, sneaking a glance at his paw in his jeans. He shoots me a lazy glance and licks his lips; I look away, and a thought involving me, him, and the alley plays in my head. I painfully tear my thoughts from him and continue to the mart. I look back, but he's gone; I shouldn't be thinking that.
I'm halfway back, and smell something I can recognize anywhere; pizza. I walk into the nearby pizzeria, full of rushing, and chatting furs enjoying the subtle zest that emanates from the fine, Italian pie. I stand leaning on the counter of the stylized, brick counter, staring absent-mindedly at the board up behind it, investigating the prices. I ignore the confused people, looking puzzled as they pass me by. I find the price for pan pepperoni, and hop a little as I have enough for a couple slices. I turn and nearly walk into that calico from down the street, laughing in my head at the coincidence.
"E-excuse me..." I look to the floor, trying to hide my smile.
"Heh. I couldn't help notice you up here when I came in-" He croons, making me raise an eyebrow, at his sultry voice.
"Me? Oh, heh heh. Didnt mean to walk into ya."
"Couldnt help noticing you a bit ago either. Were you checkin me out?"
"You saw that? Eh, yeah." I laugh nervously, avoiding his gaze.
"Well, I gotta meet up with a couple friends. Maybe I'll see ya later?"
"Sure! See ya 'round." I watch him leave the restaurant, and turn down the street, leaving me weirded out, and ignoring the equally as rugged, but unusually slim bear behind the register. I grab my pizza and quickly walk out, trying to see if I could see which way he went, then I mentally slap myself. I'm already chasing after guys; I guess my mind is trying to help me not leap gracefully into rush hour traffic out of depression of being without Ty. At the same time, I realize it isn't too bad to be happy, or try for that matter.
I backtrack and head back to the mart, hoping the work is done ignroring Ren struggling with a box to sneak by. I glance around to see where Veran is, and I find her talking to the trucker who delivered the stuff; a dusty canine whose chestnut fur is too smeared to make out what he is. I sneak past them behind a shelf of ramen and dash up to the elevator, pressing the button frantically. I quickly step on when the doors open, and stumble off when it stops upstairs.
"Damn elevator..." I walk right into Ren.
"Gear? When did you get here? What are you doing?"
"Uhh." He pinches my ear and lifts, I struggle at his paw before gripping his wrist and pulling away.
"Hey, you deserve it, lazy." Before leaving, he ruffles my hair and lets his paw drop on my nose, lifting my chin a bit.
"Hey! I- uh..." He ignores me and grins before the elevator doors closes in front of him, leaving me puzzled in the warm room.
I lounge around in the balmy pad, munching on popcorn and playing tetris all day is seems as I glance out of the window; the evening sunset painting our ceiling in a subtle red. I hear Veran and Ren arguing when they come off of the elevator, something about that driver.
"I still suggest you dont allow all theses guys to patronize you, Sis. I mean, come on. Were damn lions and we dont need some asshole in the family."
"What family?! Mom's dead and I can give a fuck about where Dad is. Besides werent you planning on goin out with a wolf?!"
"What?"
"Oh, no offense Gear."
"There you go Veran, piss off our company... But its too late to whine. Were you really interested in him anyways?"
"Well, yeah. Til you half molested his ass and scared him! Id say youre the asshole!"
"I wasnt comfortable with his demeanor..."
"Ugh!!!" Veran sighs aloud and slams herself into the bathroom.
"Nice idea, Ren." I reply quietly.
"Best I could think off." The room finally falls silent as Ren sits in front of the closet and rummages through his collection of generic clothing, earning a laugh from me when he pulls out something pathetic or extremely old school. As the streetlights shine thorugh the weather-worn panes of our small windows, Ren finally stands and pats himself over.
"Do I look presentable, Gear?" I look over and stare. He's wearing a black button-up over a wifebeater, black fleece shorts and some casual black boots.
"Uh, whats the occasion, Ren?"
"Hmm? Oh nothing. I just figred dressing the way you do would get more people to look at me."
"Well ya gonna get noticed I promise you." Damn, he's hot in normal clothes; the beater hugging his firm chest makes it easily visible.
"I'll take it thats good? Okay. I'll be back later, Gear." He takes the elevator and leaves in the middle of the night and I wonder where he's going. I step into my shoes and quickly leave to find where he went. As I leave the mart, I turn the corner and start down, but I dont see him. I see a couple of darkly dressed dogs standing on the end of the block and I decide to ask them.
As I jog down the street I stop as I hear a loud crash and yelp when a couple of paws snatch me backwards and into a nearby alley. A musty paw squeezing my jaws shut forces wheezes out of my nose; whoever this is needs a shower.
"You got him! It's been awhile since we had some fun with someone decent lookin." I realize I'm being kidnapped by that hot feline from earlier.
"Well yeah. He only gets gay furs. Cant we rape anyone?"
"Gay furs know what theyre doin douche, straight ones cant help us."
Damn; I was hoping it would be just him and me. And no raping involved. I glance over towards a few others trailing him and gawk. I can see a black and tan dog, most likely a rottweiler. Another shaggy dog, more tan than brown tells me he's a shepherd. But what's scaring the hell out of me is that huge lizard that resembles a dragon more than anything, and another calico, identical to the one carrying me. So that's the guy from earlier, and he has a twin; just my luck.
"Etral, toss him over there. Quick, move that stuff." I can't see how far we've gone into the alley; the sky is hidden behind several skyscrapers now. The cat drops me hard onto the cold pavement, and I look over and past my captors.
We've gone about 2 city blocks worth into this alley, so yelling is useless now. I'm sitting on a flattened cardboard box beside a dumpster, examining the crew of furs. They're huddled for some random reason, but too close for me to make a dash. The two calicos are perfectly identical; as long as they're standing next to each other, I can't tell them apart. The German shepherd's fur was reversed; the tan overlapping the brown making it easy to tell he's different. His dirty, brown, flowing hair and damaged grin from a missing fang didn't hurt his appeal weirdly. And I have never seen a reptile like this; he looks like a komodo I can say, a mass of disfigured muscle. But maybe they all lok like that. The rottweiler was the most hagrid of the gang. He has a buzz cut and his fur is matted from sweat and dirt. The scars that line his arms and calves only worsen that. But I notice a distinct scar cut under his right eye, shaped like an upside-down 'L'. What it meant, I don't know.
"Jus shut the hell up, Etral! I'm first. And besides-" The rottweiler looks over to me and whispers to me. "They're tightest then." He stalks over, undoing his jeans.
"You take a guy's dick before, wolf?" He says with a chuckle and a devilish smile. He doesn't even know the half of what I've been through. I stand and scowl at him with the same intensity.
"You'd be surprised. You assholes always grab random furs? Cant fuck each other?" I taunt him quietly.
"Wouldn't you like to know, smartass?" His voice is alerting, but it takes so much more than that.
"Maybe. Is what'cha got worth the time?" I reach forward and pat the bulge he is failing to hide. They all look hardened, so I might end up taking something before I get out of here after all.
"Get down for me and find out. The longer you make me wait, the harder I'm gonna fuck you, smartass, your choice." By the time he walks over, he presses up on me, forcing me against the chilled brick wall.
Were heavily breathing in each others faces as he's stroking his now hardened cock; lust and hate creating a whole new feeling much like some mutual, pent-up tension. I glare lifelessly into his driven eyes, then he shoves me towards the dumpster. Of all nights, thiswas picked to be the day I get raped by some thugs; I've barely been in this city for a few days and I'm already back here, and with scum again. I pull myself up on the dumpster, bearing that trashy, self-pitied sensation and I feel myself frowning. I close my eyes so I can't see the faces on the others as the rott yanks my jeans down and slides my boxers off of my waist; I try not to growl when he squeezes my ass. As he tugs at my tail as I remember this is gonna be a dry fuck and I panic silently. Before I can move, he rams his cock into my tailhole and the pain is unreal. I was hoping the last run-in I had would've made this easier, but I guess I can't take anything that isn't wet somewhat. But as he thrusts in and out, I grow more and more insane as the fucking singes my rear. He wraps his arms under mine and behind my head and starts plowing me. As much as I try not to, I cant help but scream out in torture as he tears into me, but suddenly out of instinct, I wrap my arm around his neck, yank his throbbing cock out of my ass, and toss him over my shoulder into the dumpster. Knowing the others would come at me, I pull my jeans up, and throw myself at the two felines. My head connects with a jaw, which I don't know, but I pull on the cat still standing. We wrestle for a moment before I grab a brick and clock it against his face with a sickening thud. He yowls and falls limp. I kick back up and tackle the charging shepherd to the ground; he headlocks me, but I bite his arm and elbow him across his muzzle. His head cocks back and he hops off of me, clutching his head. I get up just in time to catch an arm to my throat that knocks the air out of me. Despite being in a daze, and mounted on the ground, I'm putting up a good fight as I block the hits from this lizard sitting on me. Damn, that dog wasn't stunned; I see him clambering out of the dumpster, looking furious. I catch the reptile's claws and toss him aside trying to get up, but I can't move in time. The dog runs right into me and I fly right into the alley wall. Lights flash in my eyes, then there's darkness.
***
I wake up and wince from the burning I feel on my face. I'm seeing red out of one eye, and I can barely move. But I notice my lower body is numb, and I can see the shadow of the fur fucking me. I'm shaking as well from the force; my face grinding against the blacktop. I hear whoever it is moaning loudly, clawing my waist and holding tightly. The lizard kneels in front of me, pulls his dripping cock out of his shorts, and strokes it lightly before gently lifting my head and forcing it into my mouth. I look over to see the rott and one of the twins, sitting on the ground, smirking lightly and pointing at me and his still unconscious brother. That must mean the shepherd is fucking me then. The canine lifts me onto all fours, and rams me really hard, and its choking me since he's banging me further onto the lizard's cock. Both going relentlessly, I give up struggling as my vision fades, staring at a hairless crotch before letting my heavy eyes close.
***
I wake up again, and I'm lying on my side against the alley wall; the sun has set, and it's getting cold. Even my body feels like it's been in this position for a long time. Now I can't move whatsoever, and I howl as loud as I can. Desperation helps me howl just loud enough for a random fur to look down the alley and call another before trotting down towards me. I look into the eyes of two other wolves before falling out again.
I finally get up, finding myself laid on a bench in another park, covered with a ragged blanket. As I try to fathom why the wolves would leave me here, I get up and wander Tsayet again, but my sense of direction is gone. There are no lights, no cars, and no noise. Silence rings in my ears making then twitch in the direction of every little sound I hear. With every dead end I reach, I feel more like giving up. The city is a maze in this darkness, and aimless wandering isn't helping. Dusk tears at me, and I can't think past the looming stillness that's smothering me. I retire to another corner store, and walk inside. I strain my eyes to see a fur crumpled up on the floor. I rush over and look down at the body laying there as a light flashes. I can't help myself, and collapse right next to the fur. I focus my gaze into the feline's lifeless face; it's Ren.
"Aaaahhhh!" I bolt up in the couch; cold sweat pricks at my drenched body and I breathe shakily, lungs heaving; glad that was only dream, but I'm still bewildered.
"Oh my god!!" Veran jumps in shock. I'm paralyzed as well, scared and mute. Jumbled thoughts rush through my mind like backed up traffic, now being relieved. I feel my body's convulsions stop, and I stare at the air in front of my face, trying to grasp what has happened. Ren outstretches an uneasy paw and massages my shoulder. As soon as I feel at ease, I start choking and coughing violently.
Veran yelps and Ren flinches. "He's bleeding! Quick, Ren, do something!" Ren doesn't budge, but grabs a nearby sheet. I glance at my hands between the hacking, and surely I was bleeding; profusely at that. Trauma sweeps over me and I black out.
***
My eyes open and I look around at the dark ceiling. The lights are out, and I look over to see Ren sitting on the floor next to me, asleep. I realize I'm shivering fiercely, and I hug myself tightly.
"Re-Ren, Veran... s-s-someone..." I can only muster a throaty groan, but I manage to get Ren to wake up. He looks at me and gasps.
"Gear! Uh, a-are you okay? Are you still hurt? Tell me..." I can easily see his face, despite the darkness. His face looks drained of life; his hair is untamed and his eyes are bloodshot from exhaustion.
"I-I'm okay..." Still groggy, I'm amazed I can talk. Rhindare breathes in relief so hard my hair wavers. He caresses my forehead with a shaky paw, and muzzles me sympathetically. He actually cares, so I couldn't help feeling sorry for keeping him up. I lightly nose him back and he stops, staring blankly then turns around and leans his back on the couch.
"Uh, please rest, Gear. You took a beatin. I don't- you don't need to hurt yourself further." Ren says quietly, wringing out a rag and laying it on my forehead quickly, as if I would try and bite him. As soon as I try to thank him, I feel short of breath. I try and yell out, but I can't. I struggle in horror and clutch my throat. Ren looks over in shock as my vision strains; I just quit trying and collapse, staring at the far wall til my eyes close.
*
"Gear, come on now... You're scaring me!" I am hovering between sleep and consciousness, so I actually feel her tugging at my shirt. I sit up and yawn, arching my back and stretching my arms. I yelp when Veran grabs me into a sobbing hug.
"God, Gear! We thought you were slowly dying; we were too afraid to take you to the hospital since we can't afford it. Ren insisted I let him take care of you..."
"Gear is up?!" I hear plastic bottles crash on the bathroom floor as Ren rushes out. I thought Ren looked troubled last time, but he is truly distraught now. His hair is anywhich way, his chin is hidden in light stubble like those cartoons, and his eyes are still blood-shot. He is panting quietly, as if he jus got finished crying.
"I'm not dying, jus a lil tired. Don't worry about me." Ren remains motionless as I glance around the room. With a quick squeal, Veran hops to her feet and rummages through a cabinet over the stovetop. Amazingly, how I feel doesn't even register with me at the moment, but Ren seems unconvinced.
"Are you sure you are okay? Can you move? Are you hurt anywhere?" Ren questions me relentlessly; I'm on a short fuse and it quickly irritates me for some reason. I just ignore him.
"How long has it been? I'm starving..."
"It's been 3 days since you last woke up, I was worried..." Something is with Rhindare.
While completely avoiding Ren's stare, I watch Veran as she walks over and shoves a massive bag of popcorn into my lap. I stare at the bag vacantly for a moment.
"Uhh." Before I know it, I'm tearing into the bag. Popcorn has never tasted better. After stuffing my face for a little while, Ren takes the bag from me. He has become notorious for taking things from me at the worst times. When I whimper this time, he wheels around and rubs my shoulders frantically, feels my forehead, and tucks me under the damp sheet.
"Ooookaay. Looks like you have this. I'll be watching the store. Watch him, Ren." She ties up her hair, kisses my forehead, then quickly pads over to the elevator. I decide to take this chance to see what Rhindare is trying to do. As Veran disappears behind the elevator doors, I turn towards Ren.
"Are you okay yourself, Ren? What are you getting at?" He looks taken aback, but he doesn't look like he's going to ease up when he steps over.
"Look . It's eating at me that it's my fault you were hurt."
"Woah, Ren, I am fine. You couldn't have known, and besides its over, and done. It was really my fault for tryin to follow ya." As much as I intentionally try to deject Ren, it becomes more difficult every second.
"You could have requested to accompany me. Don't try to be harder than you are; you very well know there are things in the city you-"
"Calm down! I'm fine anyways- that is what you want right?"
"I- uh..."
"Ren, you are too old; I barely know you; I'm jus not feeling up to losin-" A sweaty paw holds my mouth shut.
I gawk at him questioningly as he chuckles deeply. I try to move his paw, but he holds my arm down, and steps on the other. As soon as he lets go of me, I try to yell at him, but he caresses my face and kisses me. I can't move. He stops and I still fail to make a move or speak a word. I am weak, but I don't even like this guy. I'm not going to end up like so many others.
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Rhindare, looking at me with noting but lust. Whether he feels like we like or can love each other, I know better. But all of this is overshadowed by something else, pity maybe.
"Rhindare, this isn't what I want. For a reason I'm having trouble following, I don't want to start anything else, and I want to avoid others too. I, I can't replace your boyfriend, Ren." Giving him my most sincere look, I try to console him. But he has to realize that he is only tricking himself, and he can do better than to give up. He looks solemn now.
"Look, I'm really, really sorry. You gotta understand."
"I- I know; I'm sorry. It's just; I don't want to be alone. I'm tired of this feeling of emptiness. I'm tired of being alone..." Tears roll down his silent face as he turns away. "Why is it so hard to just...be? Why do people hate us so much?" He sits on the floor next to the couch, sobbing lightly.
I have never heard him sound so immature, but I feel sorry all the same. I put my chin on his head, and hang my arms down his body. I let out a long sigh, and scritch his stomach. He looks up, then muzzles me affectionately, a purr rising in his toned, bristled chest. I look into the eyes of the soft, furry face pressed against mine; he is smiling widely.
That face is stuck in my mind even as I go to sleep tonight; I feel glad I could at least make him smile. But every time I do something, sexual or not, Typhan comes to mind and I become alarmed, but it dies away since there isn't anything I can do about it; Ty isn't here with me.
*
Summer in Tsayet isn't as hot as I expected a cramped, bustling city littered with steaming eateries and crowded shops of propaganda would be. There is a constant breeze, but I can't tell where it's coming from; feels nice though. I struggle to keep up with Veran and Ren, who are effortlessly weaving through the crowds. As we reach an intersection, I keel over with my paws on my knees, trying to catch my breath.
"Moving... too... fast..." I manage to say so as to only Ren can hear, and I get that cold chuckle again.
"Hmm? I thought wolves were fast. Maybe you need to walk some more. Come here." He snatches me up, and sets me on his shoulders.
"Uh, Ren, won't people-"
"Eh, don't worry about it. No one cares about anything here except their money, and themselves, as long as you're not trying to take either of those from them." And I believe that, as harsh as it sounds.
Being carried is a lot better than having to chase after 2 energetic felines; except I'm more a target of people's glances as we pass by. But I'm feeling great being a young wolf escorted by lions; doesn't get better than this. I fold my arms on Ren's head, rest my chin on them, and stare absent-mindedly into shop after shop, at wolf after wolf that catches my eye.
"Where are we goin, Ren?" I just realize I have no idea why we went out today.
"Eh, were goin to get something to eat while Ren goes for an interview, hun." Veran says cheerfully. We sit at a small, circular table outside of a starbucks, Ren goes inside and walks into the bathroom.
"Hmm. I don't know what I want. Maybe one of these frappacinos everyone keeps talking about."
"Frappachino?" I say before laughing aloud.
"Yeah. You have one before? I heard they're good." She looks off into the distance, and she doesn't even notice I'm laughing at her. Ren returns in an odd suit, and walks over to us.
"I'll be right back, wish me luck!" With a half-hearted smile, Ren runs across the street and nears a professional looking building. Ren looks weird in that suit; a finely tailored, burgundy suede suit with black wrist cuffs and trims. Well, his ass is barely fitting into those pants; maybe that'll get him the job.
"Uh, hello? Gear!" I just notice her voice, seemingly ignoring her til she yells in my ear.
"What?!" I ask almost annoyed, but I look at her apologetically when she frowns slightly.
"Sorry you were off in Ren-Land when I asked ya what you wanted." I don't think that is funny, but I feel my face get red hot.
"Oh, my bad. Uh, I'm cool, don't want anything." I look away and scan the windows on the side of the building hoping to see Ren.
"Hmm. You like Rhindare. It's written on your face." She says with slight authority in her voice.
"Uh, I-uh. I have a boyfriend, and nothing is gonna happen okay, even if I did. Its jus, he looked weird in that suit." As much as I dislike denial, it comes through when I say that.
"Ha! I know what's going on. You keep telling yourself he's too old for you. Technically that is a valid reason, but is that really why you are avoiding him? Although you're failing?" I think I know what I want, but it seems everything I say goes in one of her ears and out of the other. I give her a dull look and sigh bleakly.
"I decided long before I got here that I have a boyfriend and that I'm waiting to see him again. Besides, even if I didn't, I'd look for someone my age."
"Bah, well see; wont we?" I cut her off with a heated glare, and she grows quiet.
A slim, timid panther in a Starbucks uniform stalks over and sets a tall, tan cup with a green logo on the side in front of Veran. I notice him give me a look that screams 'talk to me'. But maybe I'm imagining things because he slinks away without so much as a smile. Veran again is oblivious, and dreams aloud.
"Ooh he looks good. What do you think, hun?" She perks her ears and gives me a matter-of-factly look. Thankfully, I'm trying to ignore the spark in my head whenever I hear the name, 'Rhindare'.
"Yeah, he's okay." I watch his rear for a moment, tail swaying in and out of sight; shimmering jet black fur full of grace.
"Pssh. You're in denial. I can hear it in your voice. I don't blame you, but give Ren a chance at least, babe. I bet you wont-"
"Thanks, Oprah. But I'll be fine."
"Eh, suit yourself." With a shrug, she hums contently and sips her mocha-something. I can't even think straight, and I sigh again.
"I'm gonna go and find a boyfriend." I tell her with high hopes in my voice, but saying it defensively. Seeing as there is an assload of people in this cramped metropolis, starting my search elsewhere would be best.
"Okay, just make sure you don't hang by anybody that might pull you into an alley for group bonding next time, sweetie." I frown and stick my tongue at her, as she ruffles my hair playfully. I rest my chin on the caffeine-wrought table and stare blankly into the air.
Nearly 45 minutes of uninteresting chatter and eye-molesting of innocent Starbucks employees, we sit up as a worried looking Ren crosses the street, his stride slowing as he approaches us.
"So how'd it go?! Good I'm hoping? I really hate that mart, Ren." Veran says, apparently not getting her hopes up, just in case. Rhindare's expression changes from concerned, to overjoyed as he hops in place a little; his mane bouncing with him.
"I got the position!! And I got clearance despite my little run in, and I'm eligible for promotion into government firms!" Ren is literally squealing after everything he says.
"I don't really know what all that means, but I'm sooo happy for you!" Sometimes I admire Veran's ignorance, in a good way; I'm cursed with what I know.
"That's awesome, Ren! What are you workin as?" I question attentively.
"I'm Head Administrative Assistant! Cool, huh?" The excitement in his voice is tangible.
"Too bad Gear won't be around to see our new place." Veran is up to something; that was completely irrelevant.
"Huh? Where ya goin Gear?" Ren asks with inquiry in his tone. Damn, she isn't letting this go.
"I am going to look for my boyfriend."
"So soon? I really enjoy having you around... It get's lonely sometimes."
"Do you really have to leave us, Gear?" Veran whines.
"What do you think my boyfriend thinks?" I leave it at that. Ren quickly brushes past the panther, and heads into the bathroom.
*
As the sun slowly sets, the city becomes a trance, light fading and turning everything gold; the sky cascading with various shades of dusk. It was quiet despite the blaring horns, nearby chatter, and ringing telephones as we sat in the evening. Ren quietly returns as Veran steadily sips her, whatever it is, hoisting me back onto his shoulders as we head back. As I watch the fur filled streets, of so many species it's dizzying. I hear whispering and turn to catch Veran turning away from Ren.
"So, Gear. DO you have a boyfriend?" I sigh silently at what Veran has created; and frown blandly.
"No, I don't. Why do you ask?"
"Just wondering. How are you planning to accomplish your little bachelor party?" He proclaims with slight sarcasm in his voice.
"What are talking about? Why are you concerned?"
"Rhindare, just tell him. Gear, you just listen for a minute."
"Why should I?"
"Because I do like you Gear, whether you believe it or not. And you're right; you can't replace Shadix, but I'd rather have you..." I yelp as he lifts me off of his shoulders, twirls me around in front of him, and kisses me.
"....." I simply gawk at him.
"Whats wrong Gear?"
"Nothing." I push myself away, and walk briskly back to the store, leaving Ren still and probably shattered.
*
We sit back at home in silence, not making any eye contact or even noise whatsoever. But I can feel Ren's uneasiness literally pouring from him. He shifts in his recliner, facing towards me and looking down at the worn, carpeted floor.
"Gear. Is it me? How I look? my age? My personality? My demeanor? Or am I not your type? Too skinny? Too tall? Not a jock? Not cocky? Tell me."
"I don't want to discuss it. And it's none of those, mind you."
"Well then tell me." The urgency and anxiety in his voice sets me on edge.
"I dont wanna talk about it. Just, leave me alone..." Ren flinches as I rise abruptly, and leave the room, climbing onto the creaky elevator. I sit outside of the dimly lit mart, the evening sky becoming a sparkling veil across the heavens, stars and all. Gazing upwards, losing myself in thought and losing track of time itself as I wonder where I'll be in a few years, or if I'll ever settle down. After a moment of silence, Veran and Ren both walk out of the store and both sit; Veran sitting on a plastic chair, and Ren on the ground next to me. He leans over and simply whispers in my ear.
"I apologize, Gear." He looks up and leans back, and I forgive him silently, sitting in between his legs and leaning back as well.
Will I end up with Rhindare? Or am I finally giving up on not kidding myself and letting myself fall for someone just to rid of lonliness? Theres too many damn questions to ask, and too many things left unsaid. I gradually doze off while Ren and his sister discuss plans for the future and their voices trail as I close my eyes; another dull day.