FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"Love For All Seasons: Renewal"

By Calypso

It had been four years, and yet Tom's heart hurt every day. As he looked out the window of his apartment, sighing to himself, he thought of all of the things he'd lost, all that had happened since that fateful day.

He had molested a child. He'd taken advantage of a fifteen-year-old boy's pain, and he'd manipulated that boy into having sex with him. While he hadn't penetrated Crys, Tom knew what they had been doing was nothing less than sex. And he knew he deserved every single bad thing that had come his way since.

Thankfully, his son's memory had been restored at the sight of his boyfriend and father in each other's arms, but at what price? As steep a price as any, as far as Tom was concerned.

Oh, they'd made up right away. Kissed and hugged and told each other they loved each other, that everything would be all right. But nothing was all right. The trauma of that event had caused them to delude themselves, but reality had set in quickly and painfully.

Sharron had been thrilled at her son's recovery, until she learned the reason behind it. As Tom tried to explain, as Crys tried to defend him, Sharron looked like she was going to be sick with rage and pain. She had screamed, "You touched CRYS? You molested your son's boyfriend, you sick bastard?"

"Yes," was all Tom could reply with, tears in his eyes. "Yes, I did."

"NO!" Crys had argued, crying himself. Everyone was crying. "No, Tom didn't molest me, I came on to him! It's my fault...it's all my fault..."

At this point, Lu had screamed in agony and stormed off, and Crys had stood there in the parlor, unable to help, unable to stop his boyfriend.

"Crys, I don't care if you seduced my husband or not. He's the adult, he's the one who has to have self-control, and he's the one who's MARRIED!" Sharron had screamed, then slapped her husband in the face. "He's the one who has a family, he's the sick freak that broke the law and TOUCHED A CHILD!!" She started hitting Tom over and over again, but he didn't fight back. He merely took it, knowing he deserved it. It hurt, but not nearly as much as his heart did.

Crys had run upstairs after this, clearly frightened of what was going on, but also desperate to talk to his boyfriend. Tom had learned later that Crys had tried to explain, had tried to talk to Lu about what had happened, but each attempt was more pathetic and feeble than the last; Crys knew what he'd done with Tom had been wrong, that he'd deserted his boyfriend in his time of need and betrayed him in one of the most deceitful ways possible. And Lu cried, cried and cried, for the love he knew he was about to lose. The wolf boy had said quietly, "Crys, I don't ever want to see your face again." And he hadn't. Crys had run down the stairs and out of the house as fast as he could, sobbing all the while, and he hadn't stepped foot in that house since.

Sharron had filed for divorce immediately, and had kicked Tom out of the house. Crys had had to explain to his mother why his relationship was over, and it took every ounce of his persuasive skill to prevent her from pressing charges against Tom. He told her that if he were charged with child molestation, he'd have to register as a sex offender, a lifetime of misery. She agreed on the condition that they never see or speak to the Kincaids again, which had only made Crys cry harder, but to which he agreed.

Tom had never had a desire for a child before or since. When he had attended his divorce proceedings, the reasoning had been listed as "irreconcilable differences." He had laughed at this bitterly, thinking that was such a vague, pointless term. He knew his wife deserved someone much better than him, even if he was the father of their children.

Sharron had pushed for custody, but thankfully allowed Tom a fraction, a window of one day every two weeks to see his children. Tom had immediately agreed to every condition she set forth.

Sharron got the house, all the cars but one, and two-thirds the money. Tom was left alone to find his own place and his own life.

And now, four years later, he still wondered why he'd succumbed to such a terrible urge. He remembered Crys' fifteen-year-old face, how beautiful he'd been, how kind and sweet and caring, and he felt tears well in his eyes. How could he have violated this boy? Why? He'd always been what he had thought was bisexual, but he'd never lusted after a child in his life, never had the desire to touch one before then, or after.

Since splitting with his wife, Tom had come to terms with his homosexuality. While he couldn't find a reason for harming a child as he had, he knew the base urge behind his actions. He knew he'd been desiring to be with a man, to touch another man, for so long that maybe he'd just latched on to the first one who would take him. Unfortunately for him, that had happened to be Crys-a boy, not a man.

Now, life was tiring and stressful. Tom hadn't even tried to really date since being divorced. He'd had a few hook-ups here and there, but mainly kept to himself. His children had refused visits at all for the first six months, and only came after because their mother had forced them. When Tom saw Chrissy for the first time, he wept openly, as did she, and they hugged for a long time. Chrissy had wanted to see her father from day one, but Lu hadn't let her.

When eighteen-year-old Lu faced his father for the first time since he'd moved out, he had punched him right in the jaw as hard as he could. Tom fell, but he silenced Chrissy's protests by saying, "No, Chrissy, it's my fault...I deserve way worse than that."

"Yeah, you do," Lu had commented, fuming. He had a bitterness to him now, a cold, empty aura that was fueled by rage and hatred and pain. Tom knew his son would never be the same for what he'd done, and he regretted it worse at that moment than he had even before. His son, his daughter, his ex-wife, his son's ex-boyfriend, and himself, were all changed forever. And it was all his fault.

There was a knock at the door. Tom got up from his seat near the window and went to answer it, full of excitement as usual. It was his day with his kids, and while Lu wasn't legally obligated to come, he usually came anyway, for the sake of his sister. He'd barely spoken a few words to his father in years, but at least he was there. Lu was twenty-two now, a man, and a handsome one at that. He'd filled out beautifully, and had taken to working out a lot to vent his anger. He'd started doing martial arts as well, but his soul was still cold, still unfeeling. Nothing had curbed his emptiness at the betrayal he'd felt so long ago.

"Hey Dad," Chrissy greeted with a smile, hugging her father.

"Hey Chrissy-pants," he said back, holding her tight, as if she'd be gone if he let her go.

"Dad, I'm seventeen now, can you stop calling me that please?" she asked with an eyebrow raised. She was starting her senior year of high school in about a month, and she was growing up so fast that Tom could hardly stand it. Only seeing her twice a month had been really difficult the last few years. He'd missed so much of her life, and it killed him every day he was apart from her.

"Tom," Lu greeted offhandedly, yet seriously. He walked right past his sister and father without so much as a backward glance, going to watch TV in the living room, as he always did while at his father's apartment.

"Sorry," Chrissy apologized for her brother. "I keep telling him to call you 'Dad,' but he's being stupid."

"It's all right, Chrissy, don't worry about it," Tom said, smiling. His tightened lips couldn't pull the pain from his sad eyes, however, which his daughter noticed, but didn't mention. Visiting her father was always an experience she longed for, yet dreaded, if only because it killed her to see the rift between him and Lu, and to not be able to do a thing about it. "So, how's your mom these days? Still with that Chad guy?"

"Yeah, actually," Chrissy said hesitantly, never knowing how to approach the subject of her mother. "Actually, um...he asked her to marry him last week, and she said yes." The teenage wolf-girl winced as she relayed this news to her father, as if it had hurt her to do so.

"Oh...oh well, tell them congrats for me..." he replied, sighing a little. So she was truly moving on. She was happy again. Good, she deserved that.

"Yeah, I will," she said softly, a sympathetic expression on her face.

Tom cooked dinner as they chatted and caught up, Lu flicking through channels in the background. When it was time for dinner, Lu took his plate to the couch and ate alone, as he usually did. All the while, Tom was hurting, knowing his children would be leaving for another two weeks in just a couple of hours, and hating that they'd come so late in the day, that he'd missed out on the few precious hours he normally got to spend with them. The last four years had been nothing but lonely and miserable, save for these brief visits, which Tom treasured above all else.

When it was about ten o'clock, Lu got up from the couch and said simply, "Let's go, Chris." He always said this at ten, and there was no arguing. The courts stipulated that Chrissy had to be gone by then.

"Okay," she answered simply, looking helpless. She missed her dad so much, it was hard to bear sometimes.

Tom walked them to the door, sorrow in his heart, and hugged his daughter. "I love you, Christine," he told her, petting her hair a little.

"I love you too, Daddy," she said.

At that moment, Lu walked out the door, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and putting it to his mouth. He walked down the hall to the elevator, intending to smoke it as soon as he got outside.

"Dad," Chrissy nearly whispered, "I'm going to be eighteen in a few months, and I promise, I'm going to visit you so much. You'll be begging to get rid of me!"

"Never," Tom said with a watery smile. "I'll never want you to leave."

They hugged one more time, then said their goodbyes, Chrissy running to catch the elevator her brother had just stepped into.

As Tom locked the door, ready to sit in the living room and watch TV alone, ready to surf the Internet alone, or do some other mindless task alone, he huffed out another sigh. Sometimes it felt like he'd never be happy again.

"Mmm...yeah, fuck him right in that tight hole..." Lu groaned. He was seated in front of his computer, it was past midnight, and he was masturbating while watching porn.

As Lupis Kincaid stroked his thick cock, his breathing shallow and his body tensed on the verge of orgasm, he kept his eyes glued to his computer screen, where he saw a buff, muscled wolf fucking a tight, twinky leopard boy. He came just a few seconds later, shooting his load on his stomach, trying not to make too much noise, for fear of waking his sister, or his mother and soon-to-be step-father. The pleasure, though great, was hollow. He couldn't remember the last time he'd really cum, really lost control and sprayed thick, white ropes from his aching member.

That was a lie. He remembered exactly the last time he'd orgasmed like that, he just avoided the memory, locked it away in the back of his brain.

Lu cleaned up quickly with a washcloth, shutting down the computer and getting some underwear on. After masturbating, he always felt tired, as though the effort had exhausted him, when really, it wasn't very strenuous.

Lu was a lonely guy. He was a tall, gray wolf with a shock of short black hair, his eyes blue and icy, his body sculpted and toned. He had a thin goatee that was beyond flattering on his rugged jaw, and a sullen disposition that made him seem mysterious and desirable. Many times he'd been propositioned at school by men and women, but he shrugged them off. He didn't want romance. He preferred to operate alone. It was safer that way.

Of course, his "mystery" wasn't that at all. It was isolation and pain.

Lu attended Charinot University, which was only a few miles from his mom's house on Belladonna Street. They had moved shortly after the divorce and sold the house he'd grown up in, the house he'd called home all his life. It was all right, though. That house just reminded him more and more of...he couldn't think the name. But he'd seen the jaguar through the window as he'd driven away from that place for the last time. The cat had looked in pain, and Lu had turned away, desperate to leave this ache behind.

The ache hadn't left, it'd merely manifested in a different way. It had turned to rage, then hatred, then cold, unfeeling, nothingness. Aloneness.

When Lu awoke the next morning, it was Sunday, and he had little to do. He still had a bit of summer left before starting his senior year at Charinot, and he didn't really have anyone to spend it with. The few friends he'd had in high school had drifted apart, going their own separate ways. He hadn't really made new friends in college.

He sighed, deciding to get up and get back on the computer.

His paws made the familiar motions, typing in the personals site he always visited. Actually, personals was a bit of a misnomer. It was basically just a gay hookup site.

When he logged on, the computer beeped. He had new messages in his inbox.

"Huh," the wolf said to himself. As he clicked, he saw the username "hotnready4u," and he rolled his eyes a little. This was the boy he'd fucked a few months ago, who'd been decently cute, but needy and inexperienced. Now, he messaged Lu every week or so, saying things like, "We should hang out!" or "That one time was really hot, we should totally hook up again!!" Typically, these messages were followed by a smiley face or some other annoyance. This new message was more of the same, so Lu deleted it. Then, he came upon another message in his inbox. The username read, "beautifuldreamer209."

[Hey, you're pretty cute!] the message said. No smiley face, thankfully.

Lu clicked onto beautifuldreamer209's profile, curious, and found him to be a twenty-one-year-old cheetah, blonde, brown-eyed, and lean. He was handsome and had a playful grin, which Lu liked. He also had the slim build that Lu loved.

[Thanks, you're hot yourself] Lu replied back.

In only a few seconds, the computer beeped again. This cheetah was online.

[What's your private picture? Mind if I see?]

Lu chuckled lightly. Everyone always wanted access to the private pics, and everyone knew exactly what they were of.

[Sure] Lu replied, allowing the picture to speak for itself. He unlocked it for beautifuldreamer209, who sent another message a minute later.

[WOW! You have a fucking hot cock! I unlocked mine for you, too, let me know what you think, sexy] said the cheetah.

Lu re-clicked into beautifuldreamer209's profile, then clicked "Private Picture." The photo was of the cheetah's asshole from behind, his balls and cock pushed back between his legs and into view of the camera, his ass round and inviting. The picture instantly drew a reaction from Lu's cock, which tingled, ready at a moment's notice to harden and fuck.

[Mmm nice ass] Lu replied back to the cheetah, already starting to get a hard-on.

[Thanks wolfy, all yours if you want it]

[You know I do. Let's meet up] Lu typed, massaging his half-hard cock through his underwear. It was rare that someone really cute and sexy came along, and Lu wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to give his right paw a break for a night.

[Why don't we meet at Calvin's tonight? You can tell me how much you want that hole, and I'll think about giving it to you] said beautifuldreamer209.

"Fuckin' Calvin's?" Lu groaned. He wasn't into the overly ostentatious gay bars, and Calvin's was just about the worst in his book. But, he hadn't gotten laid in months, so he reasoned that one night at Calvin's wouldn't kill him if it meant getting some hot cheetah asshole.

[You're a little tease! I'll see you there. Be at the bar at 10, I'll wear a red shirt] Lu said.

[See you then, wolfy] replied the cheetah twink.

"Sweet, finally!" Lu said to himself. Now all he had to do was think of something to do until that night.

The night came slowly. Lu was annoyed by the time he parked and reached the crowded Calvin's bar, paying a ridiculous cover and having his eardrums blasted out by overloud music, all for a little action. He'd worn a leather jacket over his tight, fitted red tee, but he took the jacket off and slung it over his shoulder so he'd be visible. As he meandered through the crowded bar, thoroughly irritated that the cover seemed to have doubled since he was last there, he realized that the place was awfully crowded for a Sunday night. He also realized, as he finally squeezed through the crowd and got to the bar to order a drink, that there was a runway set up toward the back of the bar, and it looked like there was going to be a show. He looked at his watch; it was ten minutes past ten, and no sign of cheetah boy.

"Well hello girls!" came a loud, effeminate man's voice. There was a glittering fox drag queen on stage with a huge pink wig and a sparkly white dress, and she was definitely well-known by the crowd, who cheered the second they heard her.

"Oh stop it, bitches, you're gonna give me a complex and shit," she laughed, waving at them and blowing them kisses. "I know, I'm fucking fierce as hell. But anyway, that's not why we're here, kiddies! You bitches know why we're fucking here!" she shouted, and they all cheered again. Lu chose to observe from the bar; the catwalk was raised enough that he could see everything just fine. "We're here to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of FurJock Underwear, who have kindly set up a little fashion show for us!"

Everyone whooped louder than ever, and Lu raised his eyebrows.

"FurJock is fucking great, let me tell you bitches," the fox continued, "not only because they make your dick look good, but because they donate ten percent of their profits toward AIDS research. And tonight, one hundred percent of the proceeds will benefit this cause!" More cheering from the rabid crowd. "So drink the fuck up, bitches, and let the FurJock models make your fuckin' night!"

With this last comment, the drag queen left the stage, and in her place, thumping beats came loudly from the speakers. A second later, a cheetah boy that Lu instantly recognized as beautifuldreamer209 came out in a robe, stopped when he reached the start of the catwalk, and stripped, revealing a very tiny bikini brief that just barely held everything in. As he strutted down the catwalk, he was getting cheers left and right, and he was looking at everyone, flashing people grins and giving little shakes of his hips. Once he reached the end of the catwalk, he spotted Lu at the bar, and gave a very obvious wink, slapping his ass and turning around to make the walk back.

Well, that shit was fucking unexpected, Lu thought to himself, grinning. Now he felt as though the cover were worth it.

Each new model had a different style of underwear, from briefs to boxer-briefs to little tiny cut-off trunks. Lu counted as each boy emerged. After the ninth model had walked backstage, swishing his little lynx butt at the crowd as he went, Lu figured that they'd either cycle through again or the show would be over. He was wrong.

Model number ten walked out onto the stage wearing just a blue jockstrap, which instantly drove the crowd crazy. He was probably about six feet tall, which was significantly taller than most of the other models, and he was toned and shapely in ways that none of the others could compare to. He was clearly the most exotic, the most beautiful of all the models, which is why they'd saved him for last, to be the most scantily clad.

As he strutted down the runway, shaking his long, stylish, textured black hair from left to right, his paws on his fine hips, his piercings in his navel, lip, tongue, and ears gleaming in the lights, he looked around the bar, smiling as all the others had, welcoming the attention.

The model stopped where he stood, gaping, as he came to the end of the runway. He was staring across the bar at Lu; the wolf had been looking on in disbelief, staring just as the model stared now.

After a few seconds, the model shook his head a bit and his smile returned. He turned and sauntered back down the runway, waving his tail left and right, exposing his perfectly sculpted butt for everyone to see and admire and desire. And before Lu knew it the last model was out of sight, and the drag queen was back on stage.

"Mmm...damn bitches, I am going to have to go cool off outside for a bit or something!" she laughed, fanning herself. Just then, model number four, a buck with an impressive rack of antlers and an even more impressive package, came out onto the stage, something stuck in his briefs. It was a test-tube. They were doing underwear shots, and he was clearly offering one to the queen.

"Oh fuck child, you just bring that shit right over here!" she said with teasing authority, pointing right in front of herself. The buck walked over-strutted, really-and leaned back a little, as if beckoning the fox to take the alcohol from his undies.

"Don't mind if I do!" she said, getting on her knees. She put her paws on his hips, wrapped her lips around the tube, and pulled it out of his underwear, tossing her head back to shoot whatever alcohol it was.

Everyone cheered, and just a second later, the rest of the models walked out onto the floor, all with tons of test tubes ready for shooting, all stuck in their underwear with little caps on them.

"Thanks honey, I'll let you take one out of my titties later," the queen crooned to the buck, who laughed and went backstage, probably to fill up on tubes.

Lu only had eyes for model ten, who was staying on the opposite end of the bar, not looking at him. The wolf still couldn't think the boy's name, couldn't bear the memories, and yet he wanted to so badly, wanted to hear that name again. Somebody say it, it'll make it easier for me to say, he thought.

"Hey, rockhardwolf7773," said a voice, and Lu blinked a couple times, turning to see the cheetah twink right in front of him. His bikini briefs were stuffed with shots on one side, and they were bulging with money on the other. "Care for a shot?"

Lu was so distracted, he could barely think. He really didn't give a shit about this cheetah anymore, and he didn't bother saying anything to him as he stood up, no longer looking at him. He had to find model ten. That was who he wanted.

Model ten was the reason Lu's computer was filled with big cat porn, why Lu scoured for porn featuring wolves fucking jaguars. Model ten was the reason Lu preferred to be alone. Model ten was the reason Lu had a hard time trusting anyone, why it ached every time he thought about love or romance.

The model saw Lu coming, and he was trying to get away, it was obvious. He couldn't, though; the bar was seriously crowded, and Lu bet that model ten's bosses wouldn't exactly love it if their star was staying backstage all night instead of selling shots from his jockstrap.

Just as it looked as though model ten was becoming desperate for an escape route, Lu's throat tightened uncomfortably, and he realized what he had to do to get the boy to stop.

"CRYSTAL!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Several people stared, and Crys froze in place. This is what the jaguar had been dreading the last four years of his life. This is why he'd moved with his mother to a different neighborhood, changed schools, started a new life. This is why he had wanted to go out of state to college, but had only been accepted by local schools. This was the reason why he teased boys and strung them along, never getting serious, always just out of reach to anyone who wanted him. This is the reason he hadn't gone near a pool in four years, despite being a nearly Olympic-class diver.

"CRYSTAL KAELBRID!" Lu called again, closer now, maybe only a few people back. Crys still couldn't turn around. He couldn't face this wolf, this man, his ex-boyfriend from so long ago who likely hated him and whom he had betrayed. He couldn't feel that shame again, that deep-rooted, gut-wrenching shame that he'd felt when Lu had told him to leave, had cried his eyes out in grief for a relationship that had died because he, Crys, couldn't keep his paws off of his boyfriend's father. His father!

He felt the paw on his shoulder, but he couldn't turn around, couldn't face the man he'd hurt so much. The crowd had opened a bit around the jaguar and the wolf, Crys could feel it, but he didn't want to look. He had tears in his eyes, even as he closed them, and his body was rigid and tense, afraid to move.

"Crys," Lu said, and the fur on Crys's arms stood on end. He hadn't heard that sexy voice, now deepened and made richer by the passing years, in a very long time, though he'd longed to hear it. Everyone had told him that it was just a high school infatuation, that he'd been young and immature and that he'd get over it, he'd move on. But he'd never really moved on, he knew that now. He really had been in love, no matter what anyone else said, and now, for these feelings to be brought to the surface was simply too much to handle.

"Please, turn around," Lu asked, not a bit of anger in his voice. In fact, his voice sounded warm, sincere.

Crys hesitantly complied, turning to face the handsome wolf. And, once he had, they just stared. Stared into each other's eyes, stared for lifetimes, for years on end, searching for answers to questions no one asked, searching for each other's souls. Really, it was only about a minute, but it felt like more.

"Lu, I-" Crys began, but his ex cut him off.

"Can we talk somewhere?" Lu asked, his paws now on Crys's upper arms, gripping firmly but not tightly.

"I...I kind of have to work..." the jaguar model said sadly.

"Is there a problem here?" asked a bouncer, who had come to see why the crowd was now circled around the two. "Dude, get your paws off the model!" he commanded.

Lu just stood there for a second, then released Crys, who frowned a bit. He really did want to talk to Lu, though it wasn't as though he knew what to say.

"I'll be done at one if you still want to talk," the jaguar told the wolf. He turned to the bouncer, a pretty stern-looking Great Dane, and said, "It's okay, we know each other, no big."

The bouncer eyed the two of them a bit, then walked away.

Lu also wandered off, in a daze from seeing whom he once considered the love of his life. He found himself at the bar again, and a couple of minutes later, the cheetah boy was back, but he wasn't winking and smiling.

"So, hey, you're rockhardwolf7773, right?" he asked pointedly. He only had a few shots left, and his undies were stuffed with cash.

This time, Lu heard him. Crys had disappeared momentarily in the crowd, so Lu didn't really have any excuse to be distracted. "Yeah, that's me. You must be...beautifuldreamer..." Lu said hesitantly, with an awkward smile.

"Yeah, that's me. I'm Ryan. What's your name, handsome?" asked Ryan the cheetah, who seemed in a much better mood now that he wasn't being ignored. He even gave Lu a cute smile, which Lu noticed, but found he just couldn't be attracted to. All he could think about was talking to Crys, the thought was consuming him.

"I'm Lupis," Lu said, not feeling the need to allow cheetah boy to use his nickname. When he looked at Ryan, he felt guilty, because he knew he wasn't the same wolf as he had been that morning on the computer.

"So, what happened earlier? I tried to say hi, and you kind of just...took off," Ryan asked.

"I just got a bit...distracted...sorry about that," said Lu, not sounding very apologetic.

"Yeah, I saw you talking to Crystal. Do you guys know each other or something?" Ryan probed, a tinge of jealousy on his voice. Lu wondered why he'd be jealous, they'd never even met until just now.

"Yeah, you could say that. We haven't seen each other in a long time, I wanted to say hi to him," Lu said, which of course might as well have been an outright lie, for how vague it was. He basically was distancing himself. He didn't want to talk to Ryan anymore, he just wanted Crys. There was so much to talk about, so much he felt was unresolved. And God damn, was Crys even more beautiful than Lu remembered...

"Oh okay...Crystal is pretty popular, so you know, I thought you might have...KNOWN him," Ryan said with emphasis, raising his eyebrows significantly. "He gets around," Ryan laughed in a spiteful way. It was clear the cheetah was jealous of his fellow model, and the more Lu was around him, the more he thought he was as shallow and vapid as a mud puddle.

"Yeah, so anyway, I'm going to get going," Lu said, spotting Crys again through the crowd. "Nice meeting you though." And again, without so much as a backward glance, Lu got up and walked toward Crys again.

"Asshole," Ryan mumbled, which Lu heard, but didn't care about.

Crys saw Lu coming toward him, and it filled him with memories of four years ago, when they were happy together. So much had changed; Crys knew he and Lu weren't the naïve children they once were, but for some reason, memories and emotions comingled, and his heart ached. Lu was bigger, handsomer, sexier, than he'd been in high school, and his facial hair and strong jaw made him gorgeous to behold.

"I'd like a shot," Lu said right as he got to Crys, and shoved ten dollars into his jock, getting dangerously close to Crys's package. Before the jaguar could respond, Lu slunk to his knees and slipped Crys's last shot out of his jock and tossed it back, inhaling the cat's rich, pretty smell. He smelled way better than Lu remembered, and it was intoxicating.

Just as Lu was standing up, he whispered into Crys's ear, "I'm gonna get out of here, but I still want to talk. Meet me at Betty's Café down the street when you get off, there's so much to talk about." And then Lu left. He headed straight for the door and left, eager to walk to the café and wait for Crys to get off work.

It was a long wait. Lu ordered some coffee and just sat in the greasy spoon known as Betty's, sitting near the window, looking out at the street. There was so much going through his mind: Why had fate brought them together again? What could possibly be gained by the two of them talking, by them seeing each other? He got more and more nervous, hoping against hope that talking to his ex-boyfriend wouldn't just cause him more pain.

After Lu had been waiting around two hours, only sipping coffee (to the annoyance of the waitress), the bell tinkled on the front door for maybe the fourth or fifth time since the wolf had arrived. He looked up instinctively, and he saw who he'd been waiting for.

Lu wasn't sure how it was possible, but he thought Crys looked even more beautiful with his clothes on. They left some things to the imagination, and made him look trendy, fashionable...downright cute.

Crys spotted Lu, and wandered over, smiling a little. He sat down across from the wolf.

"Hi," he said simply.

"Hi," Lu replied. He couldn't help but stare into Crys's green eyes, those eyes that had held so much wonder and beauty four years ago. Now, they looked sad and a bit careworn, as though their owner had been through a lot. As though they themselves had seen a lot in the past few years.

"Lu...I have been fearing this day for so long...I've been so scared that when I finally saw you again, whether it was ten, twenty, or fifty years later, that you'd hate me, that...that I'd feel the way I've felt every day for the last four and a half years." The jaguar stared into the wolf's eyes beseechingly, as if he were looking for a response there, rather than waiting to hear one from his lips.

"Crys, I..." Lu mumbled, then looked away. This is the guy who messed up my life, who tore my family apart, who betrayed me with my own father and ripped out my heart! Lu thought. So why can't I hate him? Why is it that all I feel is... "I don't hate you. I've never hated you."

Crys sat silently for a few moments, letting this statement soak in, before responding. "I'm glad. I'm so, so glad..." he replied, his voice breaking a little with relief.

"However," Lu said sternly, fiercely, "You do owe me an explanation. You never really said what happened, why it turned out this way. You never told me WHY."

Crys sighed, and at that moment, the waitress walked over, eyeing the newcomer and saying briskly, "What'll it be, honey?"

"Coffee, please," Crys said with a weak smile.

"Got it," she answered, and walked away as quickly as she'd come.

"Well?" Lu asked, impatience getting the better of him.

"Lu, those are questions I've been asking myself every single day since it happened." Crys sighed again. He sounded tired, forlorn. "I can't give you answers for everything, but I can give you at least theories, or possible reasons behind some of my actions."

Lu nodded, urging the jaguar to continue. In the dim lighting of the café, Crys's brilliant fur shone like diamonds. He was so pretty, so delicate for a man, that he looked feminine, and yet not. Beautiful was the only word Lu could think of that even came close to his description.

"Well, just bear in mind that before I begin, you need to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I want you to know that I don't make any excuses for what I did to you, to your family, to myself. I'm just going to provide possible reasons behind my decisions, because some of them don't make sense to even me." Crys took a sip of the coffee the waitress came back with, giving her another weak smile, which she couldn't help but return. That was another thing about the jaguar that intrigued Lu; he had an infectious, sweet smile.

Lu nodded again. "I'll try not to..." he trailed off. They both knew he meant he'd try not to blow up or freak out.

"Well, when we got in that car accident...that was the scariest thing I think I've ever been through. To be honest, I was traumatized. You were injured, and even after devoting everything I had to be there for you, when you woke up, you didn't know me. Didn't know who I was or how much...how much I cared for you..." He paused, swallowing. This was hard for him to talk about, even a lifetime later. "I was devastated, Lu. My heart was shattered that day you came home, that day when you looked at me and told me...that I was pretty. That you wanted to know who I was."

Crys took another sip of coffee, and his paws were shaking a little bit.

"At fifteen, I just don't think I was equipped to cope with that kind of pain. I don't know if anyone is, but especially not a stupid teenager. And then, of course, there was the incident with your father before the crash..."

"What incident, exactly?" Lu asked insistently. He didn't remember being told about anything like that.

"Well, do you remember that before we left your house that day, I had been looking for a hair brush, and I decided to look in your parents' room?" Crys asked, frowning, his eyes a little watery.

"Yeah, I think so," Lu said. "So what?"

"So...when I went in there, I saw your dad...he was jacking off."

Lu banged his fist on the table, his claws digging into his palms. There were only a few more people in the restaurant, and they all stared, wondering what the ruckus was. He was thankful that Crys didn't tell him to calm down, or say that he was making a scene. He wouldn't have been able to stand it.

"Tom was jacking off," Crys repeated, "and I didn't know what to do. I mean, as an adult, my instinct would be look away, leave the room. But I was a hormonal teenager, and your dad was...well, he was a really attractive man." Lu glared daggers at Crys at this point, who flinched a little, like Lu had burned him. "But, when he was about to cum, he um...well, he said my name..."

"WHAT!" Lu shouted, standing up, enraged. He already barely tolerated his father as it was because of his sexual encounter with Crys. Now, he knew his dad was a pedophile.

Crys was staring up at Lu, pleading with his eyes. He didn't care what anyone else thought, what anyone else saw. He just wanted Lu to calm down, to not hurt anymore.

After a moment, Lu sat down. "I guess that news shouldn't surprise me," he grumbled, "given what happened after the accident."

Crys again recoiled like he'd been burned. "Well, as I was saying..." he went on, choked up a little, "that happened before the car. Then, with you in the hospital, then your amnesia...I was really scared, Lu, and confused, and hurt. I didn't know if you'd ever recover, I didn't know what to do." Crys sounded and looked as though he were about to cry, and was only barely holding back the tears.

Lu's heart twinged a little in pain just seeing his ex in this vulnerable state, even after all this time. He's really torn up about this, Lu thought to himself.

"Well, one day, your dad walked by me, and he asked me if I wanted to go swimming. After looking back on that day for the last four years, I don't think your dad was trying to seduce me. I think he generally wanted me to be distracted, to not have to think about how devastated I was for just a few minutes." He paused, drinking more coffee. It seemed to help him continue. "We went out to the pool, and for just a couple of minutes, I felt like I was...like I was having fun. Like I was enjoying myself. And it felt so good not to be sick with worry!" Crys explained.

Lu was having a hard time keeping his anger in check, because he knew what was about to come next. That day would be burned in his memory forever.

"Well, I never got the chance to tell you, but...well, I did a dive into the pool, and we were swimming...and my foot got caught on this chain thing at the bottom of the deep end. Lu, I was...I was drowning. And Tom, well, he saved me."

Lu only closed his eyes and shook his head.

"S-so you can imagine that that experience had me freaked out, panicking and whatnot. Well, after Tom saved me, he was holding me, and eventually, we...we kissed." Crys sighed once more, his throat still tight, his eyes still on the verge of tears. He was breathing deeply, calming himself down. He didn't want to be upset. "We both realized it was wrong, but we did it anyway...and once we kissed, I was lost. I was confused. My body told me that a handsome man wanted to touch me, and like an idiot, I accepted... And I have never regretted anything more in my life than what I did that day." A lone tear ran down Crys's cheek, but he wiped it away quickly.

Lu was fuming, enraged and hurt, feeling all the pain of his breakup all over again at hearing the story retold from this perspective. "And what DID happen exactly? Go on, I want to hear it, really I do." Lu's tone was thick with bitterness and spite, and Crys was afraid. But, he continued.

"W-well, like I said, I was out of my mind. We were making out a little, and then I told him I wanted to see him...and he wanted to see me...so we took off our clothes, and we started rubbing our bodies together..." Crys trailed off, not wanting to revisit the details.

"You mean rubbing your dicks together," Lu amended, glaring.

With his eyes on the floor, looking ashamed, Crys said, "Yes. And when it was over, there you were, asking us what we were..."

"Yeah, I remember from here, thanks." Lu felt a snarl rise in his throat, but he suppressed it.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, neither speaking nor looking at the other, neither drinking coffee nor moving. They just sat.

Then, Crys spoke. "Lu, I...I am so, so sorry..." he coughed out, barely able to speak. When Lu looked at the jaguar, he realized that Crys was crying. "Lu...I loved you with all my heart, but I was stupid, I was young, and I was confused...I know these aren't excuses, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just wanted you to know that I am so very, very sorry for what I did..."

Lu just sat there, staring into Crys's beautiful green eyes, which shone extremely brightly when wet with his tears. The wolf's heart was breaking all over again, just seeing his former lover in so much agony, and he felt the tears begin to well in his own eyes, his nose sniffing a bit.

"Tell me something," Crys asked as they looked at one another in their sadness. "When you discovered us, when I confronted you in your room...it was weird. You were so hurt, so sad, and then the second you found out that your dad hadn't...hadn't... You calmed down and said everything was okay. What's more, you said you had done the same things with him!" Crys cried, clearly confused.

"I lied," Lu explained, his tears running down his cheeks now. "Something... something in me just snapped when you said he hadn't penetrated you. It was like my mind was looking for an excuse to forgive you right away. And I lied about doing stuff with my dad to make you feel better about what you did, to play it off like it wasn't a big deal."

They sat again a few minutes more, both taking in their conversation. Both of them fought back their tears, and both of them struggled for composure, struggled to be the men they were supposed to be, not the boys from years before.

"Lu, I'm so sorry..." Crys said again.

"Crys...I forgive you," Lu replied, giving a small smile. Just as his lips curled up a little, Lu felt like his heart lifted, like a weight had been taken from his shoulders. He felt like he could wake up tomorrow and not be cold, bitter, and angry.

"Thank you..." the jaguar said at nearly a whisper, closing his eyes, his tears running anew. "Thank you so much..."

Again, there was silence for a few minutes. Again, they both composed themselves, though poorly.

"Lu...I have thought about you every single day since that day. I've thought about how I hurt you, and I've thought about how... how deeply I loved you. Everyone told me that it was just a high school romance, that I shouldn't be so torn up about it ending, that I'd move on and find someone later... but it was more than just some crush for me. Even back then, I was so in love with you... and it's been killing me to live my life every day knowing that I hurt you, that I... I..."

Lu reached his paw out and placed it on top of Crys's. The sensation was familiar, warm and comforting and slightly electric. They looked at each other, searching each other's faces.

"Crys, I... I don't know how to say this, but... I think the reason I've been so bitter and angry all these years is because... I never stopped loving you," Lu admitted.

The jaguar stared at him with wide eyes, clearly surprised.

"It's taken me until now to realize it, but you've been with me every day. I've thought about you, I've dreamed about you, and now I know...it's because I'm still in love with you. We never broke up officially, we never had closure... and now, four and a half years later, I've never had another relationship because... well, because none of those guys were you. I love you, Crys."

It felt as though the diner were dead silent, though the oldies music still played in the background. Lu's expression was anxious, tense, not knowing how the feline would respond to his confession. These were the feelings he'd kept bottled up for so long. He knew his anger was toward his father, but his pain... he hurt much worse losing Crys than he did by anything Crys had done.

"After all this time, after everything I've done... you're still in love with me?" Crys asked, his brows pulled up in the saddest, most confused expression. Lu found that with age, Crys's expressions and face had only taken on more astonishing beauty, more complexity, more strength and handsomeness. Even in this completely ravaged state, Crys was beautiful beyond compare.

"I realize now that yes, I am... I've been hurting so long because I lost you, not because of what you did," Lu explained, and he pulled Crys's paw up, intertwining their fingers.

"Lu, I... I love you, too." Crys stared at the wolf, and his expression was pleading, sad and vulnerable.

They continued to look at each other, to really see each other for the first time in a long time. Their paws were held tightly together, and their eyes were locked in wonder. It was as if they'd just met, yet known each other for a thousand years.

"Where do we go from here?" Lu asked quietly. Now that the ache of loss was gone, now that he heard Crys say that he was still in love with him, all he wanted was to kiss the jaguar, to hold him in his arms, to whisper in his ear that everything would be all right.

"Well, we're still in love after all these years..." Crys said in an awed way, like he still couldn't believe it. "Even though it was a school romance, even though we were young, we're still in love. So, I guess that leaves two choices." He paused, squeezing Lu's paw. "Either we keep our love, and we try getting back together... or, we let it go, and we move on. Get closure."

They continued to stare at each other. Lu's heart twinged a bit at the word "closure." He was still confused, very unsure of where he and Crys stood. But he knew what he wanted. He wanted option three.

"Or..." he said, smiling a little, hoping to get a smile from Crys in return, "we could get out of here and think about it tomorrow."

Crys's apartment was near the bar; he lived in the gay district. As Lu followed who could only be described as the love of his life up the stairs and through the front door, he watched his lithe, gorgeous body, determined to make up for all the lost time, for all the missed kisses and absent precious moments.

The jaguar lived in a tiny one bedroom that was probably getting close to one hundred years old, but that was all Lu noticed about it. He didn't even let Crys turn the lights on or anything. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Lu spun Crys around and pulled him into his arms, their lips meeting like old friends, locking together as though no time had passed.

But time had passed, and with that time came numerous mediocre sexual experiences, tons of lame kisses and stupid dates. Now, with this kiss, this sensual, delicious, amazing kiss, they finally felt at peace, like their spirits had been in turmoil before this kiss calmed the storm.

The jaguar felt his arms slinking around Lu's neck, and found the fit to be perfect, like it had been all those years before. Without words, Lu peeled Crys's shirt off over his head, then kissed him again deeply, rubbing his thick, strong paws all over the feline's exposed chest.

Crys's own paws explored under his lover's shirt, and found the muscles there to be beyond sexy, beyond attractive. Each dip and curve was a chill through Crys's whole body, and Lu yanked his own shirt off over his head, not wasting any time. The sight of his physique was incredible, better than any memory, and Crys was in awe, just wanting to lick the wolf all over.

But, the licking would wait. For now, they embraced, they kissed, more and more passionately, with more and more energy and fervor, their pants falling to the floor as though they hadn't been anywhere else, their underwear slipping down their legs like butter down a hot pan.

Their paws were everywhere, touching each other's stomachs, chests, arms, backs, hips, butts, cocks, and balls. Lu moved his mouth to his jaguar's neck, sucking and biting, kissing and licking. Crys was moaning softly in pleasure, holding onto the wolf for dear life as his body was consumed with the fire of their passion. Lu rolled his tongue along Crys's clavicle, then moved his muzzle down the cat's chest, kissing as he went. He licked one of Crys's nipples, then kissed down his stomach, flicking his tongue in the feline's navel. Crys only sighed sweetly and moaned delicately, always demure, always lovely. Crys's cock had long since slid from his sheath, and it was fuller and thicker than Lu remembered, which only drove him crazy with lust. He buried the jaguar dick in his muzzle, taking the whole thing at once, which nearly gagged him, but he didn't care.

"Uuuungh," Crys cried out with a fiery abandon. That's all Lu had wanted: to break that softness, that demure image. Lu wanted carnality, ferocity, pure passion out of his lover, and he wouldn't settle for anything less.

Lu sucked Crys's cock deep and hard, caressing the thick, long shaft with his tongue, his paws fondling Crys's balls and thigh. Crys only continued to groan deeply, his paws on Lu's head, urging him on, massaging down his neck and shoulders, as if to say, "Good fucking job!"

After a few minutes of sucking on the big, thick feline cock, Lu stood up and began kissing Crys again, pushing their bodies together, their shafts rubbing and bumping between them.

Then, Lu guided Crys to the small sofa. Crys was unsure what his lover wanted at first, but then Lu climbed on the sofa, back toward the jaguar, and got on all fours, lifting his tail to expose his soft, pink hole. Then, even more surprising, Lu broke the silence. "Crys... this is something I've never done with anyone... I... I saved this for you, all this time... I wanted you to be my first."

Crys climbed onto the sofa on his knees, bent down, and grasped his wolf's ass in both paws, pulling the cheeks apart to reveal the tender hole between them even more. He huffed a bit, nearly panting with how hungry he was for Lu, and he pushed his muzzle forward, running his broad tongue over the wolf's butthole slowly, savoring it. Lu moaned loudly, his claws grasping the couch, his rear pushing back a bit, encouraging the jaguar further. Crys continued to eat his lover's ass deeply, pushing his tongue inside him, fucking him with it. He licked all the way from Lu's balls, over his taint, and through his entire crack, each area thick with the wolf's musky, delicious scent, each tender spot eliciting a unique note of pleasure from Lu. Crys moved his right paw to his dick and began pumping it, never more excited and turned on and impassioned as he was at that moment. He rimmed his lover for a long time, taking particular pleasure in tongue-fucking him, as this made Lu cry out the most.

Finally, after the wolf had started playing with his own cock for a while, he whimpered, "God, Crys, put that cock in me."

The cat didn't need to be told twice. He sat upright, spitting in his paw, and slicked his meat, moaning at the sensation. He bent down and gave his lover's asshole a few last long licks, then sat upright again, walking on his knees to push his body against Lu's.

Lu was nearly quivering in anticipation, and so was surprised when he felt Crys's weight leave the sofa. He let out a muffled yelp as he felt his whole body being turned and positioned, and before he knew it, Crys had flipped him on his back and sat him at the edge of the couch, his tight, muscled butt hanging off the cushion. The feline knelt down onto his knees on the floor, his wolf's ass aligning perfectly with his crotch, and said, "I want to see you." He said it matter-of-factly, as if it had been obvious.

Crys pushed himself close to Lu, and with one paw, rubbed his cockhead all over Lu's hole, pushing with just enough pressure to make Lu whimper, but not enough to penetrate. He teased his lover, rubbing again and again at his butthole with his cock, until finally, Lu whispered, "I want you inside me, Crys!"

The jaguar couldn't hold back anymore. He pushed the head of his cock against his lover's pink entrance, and slowly, very slowly, began to slide inside him. The head of the feline's cock slid in first, and was followed inch by inch, until after a few minutes, Crys's pelvis was pushing against Lu, his dick throbbing for release inside the wolf's tight ass, the wolf's own cock pulsating. Lu didn't cry out in pain, nor did he tell Crys to stop. On the contrary, he arched his back to push himself against Crys more, wanting him deeper, wanting him so much that it ached.

As Crys began to thrust in and out of his lover's hole, he took Lu's cock in his paw and stroked it, the two of them groaning together, feeling each other in a way that they hadn't ever felt anyone else. Crys pumped his lover's shaft and fucked his ass in time, looking right into Lu's eyes, loving each new expression of pleasure wash over the wolf's face. Several times, he dipped to kiss his lover while he fucked him, grinding into him with passion and force, which only drove the two closer to climax.

Before they knew it, their breath was at a full pant, their bodies rocking and thrusting and pounding together, Lu's hole tightening down on Crys's cock as much as the wolf could manage, Crys's soft paw working the canine's thick meat quickly and ardently, their bodies moving as one. Just as Crys was getting close, he felt his lover's cock jump in his paw, and suddenly, Lu was cumming all over his own chest and stomach, moaning so loudly the neighbors heard, clutching the couch in his paws and shooting his load recklessly, as though he'd never done something so wild and incredible in his life.

Lu's orgasm squeezed his ass muscles extra tight, and Crys's cock spasmed with pleasure, erupting with thick ropes of cum inside his lover's amazing hole, fucking him ferally, his balls slapping against his wolf's butt, the claws of his left paw digging into Lu's thigh. Crys hadn't ever felt something quite like this moment, this incredibly erotic, sexual passion that took over his soul, making him scream as he'd never screamed, making him lose all control. It was a frightening, ravenous, beautiful thing.

Once they regained their breath, the couple kissed for a few minutes, Crys keeping his cock inside his lover. Now that they were together, now that he was inside of Lu, Crys never wanted to part.

Neither of them wanted this moment to end.

When Crys awoke, he could tell it was late morning, and he was lying on his stomach. And, as his eyes creaked open like old doors, he knew he was feeling a really amazing sensation somewhere below the waist.

He could feel something repetitive, something rhythmic, making the nerves burn and the flesh tingle in waves.

Crys's eyes closed again, his claws digging into the sheets of his bed, his back arching, pushing his body into a better position to feel this intense sensation. As his tail pulled up, as his ass pushed back, as the wolf's warm, wet tongue pushed against the jaguar's hole again and again, Crys couldn't help but think how much different life had become in just a few short hours, and how much he wanted that wolf with everything he had right now.

Crys moaned lowly and forcefully, begging his wolf to continue, pushing his ass backward even more, reveling in the sensation of Lu's paw gripping his butt, pulling it apart to taste it.

"Mmmmnff..." Lu grumbled behind his lover, adjusting himself on the small bed. He was getting on his knees, he was pushing his long, thick wolfcock against the tender hole he'd missed so much, craving to penetrate the only man who'd ever made him really feel satisfied, really feel whole.

"God yeah, wolfy..." Crys said in exhale, his voice coarse with sleep and craving. "Take that ass... it's yours."

Lu had never heard something that turned him on more. Plenty of guys he'd known had called him 'wolfy,' thinking it some cute nickname or something. But no one had said it like that, no one had sexualized the term, made it into a dirty word. He loved it.

Lu pushed his hips forward, having lubed his and the cat's cocks while the latter was sleeping, and eased his shaft into that tight, soft, warm place it had been craving to go for so long. The wolf felt like cumming just watching his dick slip between those round, golden, furry cheeks and into the rosy, tender hole, but he held back, gripping his lover's hips and pushing, slowly pushing, until he was buried in the feline, completely submerged in ecstasy.

As soon as Lu had hilted his cock, Crys pushed back with his arms and sat up on his knees, his entire body pressing back against his lover's, his head lolling back onto Lu's shoulder, turned to expose his neck to the wolf. Lu took the hint, licking the feline's throat as he pulled slowly out of his tight ass, then biting that neck vampirically as he pushed himself back in.

This first real thrust, deliciously intensified by the pain of the bite, made Crys's breath leave his body, his cry catching in his throat before it ever really made a sound. Lu's arms wrapped around the cat's chest in that moment, and they began to make love slowly, sensually, romantically and passionately, a completely different experience than the previous night.

Before, they were carnal, fierce and crazed. Now, Lu was smelling Crys's hair, touching his body all over, pushing in and out of him with a loving desire, and Crys was gasping for breath, reaching back and feeling his love as best he could, losing himself in the tenderness, the heat.

The moment didn't last as long as either wanted. Lu was stroking Crys's shaft, biting, licking, kissing and fucking an orgasm out of the cat, for which he wasn't kept waiting. Crys's hips were bucking, pushing his ass onto his wolf's cock and his dick into his wolf's paw, and he was spraying his seed all over his sheets in minutes, moaning tenderly at his own pleasure and the wolf's.

Lu's cock throbbed with orgasm at just the same moment, filling his lover with all he had, squeezing the jaguar tightly to him, never wanting to feel the cold bitterness that had consumed him in Crys's absence again.

It took the two a while to recover from their sex, from their love making, from their second reunion. They laid in bed for the better part of an hour, gently kissing each other, hugging, laughing, tickling, squeezing, feeling, being.

"I love you," Crys whispered into Lu's ear, licking inside it slowly, hugging the wolf as tightly as he could. The metal of his tongue piercing was a sensation Lu hadn't ever felt, but that he certainly wanted to feel more of.

Lu's heart was fluttering. "I love you so much, Crys..." he mumbled, hugging his jaguar tightly. He'd never woken up so happy. He hadn't felt so warm and calm and relaxed as he did at this exact moment.

Several minutes later, the two decided they needed to get cleaned up. They showered together in Crys's tiny shower stall, laughing as they constantly bumped, poked, and prodded each other, trying to get clean while simultaneously loving on each other, attempting to make up for lost time. Their shower was over a half hour, with all the giggling and kissing, hugging and washing.

As Lu dried himself with a towel, Crys couldn't help but stare at him. The jaguar was entranced by the wolf. Lu had grown just a little taller, but he'd filled out amazingly. Every muscle was sculpted and toned, every tendon taut and lean. His package looked fuller, his balls swaying low in a sexy way that drove the cat crazy, and his face was more handsome than ever, that goatee accentuating his features so well.

"What?" Lu asked, noticing Crys's attentions.

"You're just... God, you're so fucking beautiful. Seriously," Crys said solemnly, never meaning anything as he meant this.

Lu flushed inside his ears, not knowing how to respond. All he could think to do was pull his jaguar into a tight embrace, kissing him a few times. He looked Crys in the eyes and said, "I love you. YOU are beautiful."

More silence, more love. The couple had said they'd leave the restaurant the previous night and talk about where their relationship stood today, but today was becoming less about talk and more about affection.

They dressed in silence, then went to the kitchen. Lu asked for milk, which Crys thought was amusing, and Crys told Lu to drink straight from the carton.

"Why? Don't you have a clean glass?" Lu asked sarcastically.

"Yes, but it's sexier from the carton," Crys replied.

Lu shrugged and did as he was told, and his lover wasn't disappointed; for some strange reason, it really was sexy.

As Crys made them sandwiches, refusing Lu's help and insisting he was the host, he started the conversation that they needed to have.

"Lu... I love you, but... we can't just pretend like none of this happened. We were silly kids in high school when we broke up, and we broke it off for a very serious reason. We're grown men now, and..." Crys paused, sighing a little, his voice sounding sorrowful. "And I cheated on you. I've doled out my reasoning, but the fact of the matter is, I cheated on you with your own father. That's beyond hurtful, beyond reprieve."

Lu stopped Crys's paws from sandwich-making and kissed the jaguar. "I told you Crys, I forgive you. You were fifteen fucking years old, you didn't know what the hell you were doing. You were following your dick, and if I'd been pushed into a situation like that, I probably would have given in, too." He stared into the feline's eyes, and his expression slowly tightened into one of fury and rage. "It's my fucking father that's to blame. That bastard KNEW what he was doing was wrong, he was the adult, and he fucking...he..." Lu didn't have the words to describe his father's unspeakable acts, to convey the hatred and anger he felt.

Crys didn't know how to respond, other than to say, "Ow..." Lu's grip on his arms had become vice-like.

"Sorry honey," Lu said, releasing Crys.

"I...I heard that your parents got a divorce..." Crys said softly, nearly a whisper. Through acquaintances and friends from his old high school, he'd tried to find out information about Lu, even though every detail hurt.

"You heard right," Lu replied bitterly. "Thank God. I wouldn't want my mom to stay married to a child molester." He glared off, looking both angry and pained.

"Lu...I'm so sorry, it's my fault..." Crys cried, his eyes welling up again. He felt a shame unlike anything else, his heart broken all over again.

"No, it's NOT, Crys!" Lu argued, turning the jaguar's face toward his, staring into his eyes with ferocity. "I'm not saying you didn't play your part, but you were a kid. He manipulated you!"

"Lu, I manipulated HIM, too!" Crys cried, the tears streaming down his face now.

The wolf just looked into his lover's eyes, but all he could see was pain. Clearly, this had been eating away at Crys for years, and now, being confronted by the person he'd hurt most, Crys was losing his grip, falling into despair.

"Shhh..." Lu cooed, pulling Crys close and hugging him tightly. He pet Crys's damp hair, continuing to shush him, until the cat's crying quieted. "Crys, it isn't your fault. I don't blame you anymore. I don't think I ever did. I was just really hurt, and I've just been bitter for so long... My dad was the adult, Crys. A thirty-eight year old man and a fifteen year old boy don't have the same reasoning power, the same control, and you won't convince me otherwise. My dad should have stopped it before it ever started, and he shouldn't have been thinking about a child while he fucking touched himself." Lu clutched Crys even closer, as if shielding him from his father's sickening desires.

Crys sat quietly in Lu's arms for a while, sniffing and calming down. Then, he gave his reply. "Lu, I've been thinking about what happened every day for the last four and a half years. I want you to know, I'm not trying to defend your father's actions by saying they were justified, nor am I saying that he's not a pedophile. But... I want you to know that I don't think he is."

"How could you not think-?" Lu exclaimed angrily.

"Just LISTEN, please!" Crys pleaded. "Look, just try to think about this as logically as you can. As I remember him, your dad was a really nice, very caring man. He never once tried to touch me or anything before that day. My theory is..." he paused, taking a couple breaths, "Well, I think that your dad is gay. I know he claimed to be bisexual at the time, but I don't think he really was in his heart. I think he's gay. And I think that after thirty-eight years of living a lie, even one that's pretty close to the truth, and after being married for so long to someone he just wasn't attracted to physically, he latched on to the first available gay boy...me." Crys pulled away from Lu so he could look at him better, holding his paws.

Lu just watched the jaguar, not speaking. He still looked furious, but a little confused, also.

"I don't think your father is attracted to children. I think he's attracted to men, but because he couldn't have them, the desire just built and built...and suddenly there's this twinky little thing being waved in his face every day, sometimes half-naked, doing all sorts of gay, sexualized stuff right in front of his eyes. Think about how many times you and I practically made out right in front of him. Think how he caught us fooling around in your room! And I know we were kids, but you and I both know that we were pretty developed. We looked like adults, more or less."

"But we WEREN'T adults!" Lu snapped.

"Lu, your dad made a mistake, just like I did. He followed his dick, just like I did. I'm not saying it isn't horrible, but the way you talk about him..." Crys stopped there for a minute, placing his paws on Lu's chest and rubbing, trying to communicate with his body all the affection he had. "You talk about him like you hate him, and it breaks my heart."

"I DO FUCKING HATE HIM!" Lu screamed, pulling away from Crys and turning his back. "I hate that bastard so much I can't stand it! I hate that he touched you, I hate that he's a sicko child molester, I hate that he ruined our family, I hate that he's not in jail right now, and I hate that for the last four years, I've had to see him every two weeks because I feel like I have to protect my sister from her own damn father!" He was leaning his weight on his paws against the counter, not looking at Crys. The jaguar approached and placed a paw on Lu's shoulder, gently tugging, trying to tell him to turn around.

Lu turned half-way, tears streaming down his face, then spun face-forward and grabbed Crys's upper arms in his paws, staring the cat in the eyes. "You were MINE, God damn it! What the fuck gives him the right to touch you?"

Crys was dumbfounded. He'd never heard Lu be so possessive, so jealous, but he didn't blame him. He imagined the situation reversed, and he cringed. He'd be jealous and possessive and heartbroken, too. "Lu... I'm still yours. No one's going to take me away from you." He took Lu's face in his paws and kissed him sweetly.

Lu kissed back fiercely, again clinging the jaguar to him. This, more than anything, was why Lu was so angry. Yes, he'd been hurt by his family splitting, disgusted by his father touching a child. But more than anything, he was angry that his love had been stolen from him. Everything Crys had said about his father made sense, but that didn't give them their four years back.

"My dad and mom splitting up...that was kind of inevitable..." Lu admitted quietly as his lover hugged him. "They put up a pretty good front, especially when you were over, but they fought all the time. I could tell they weren't happy. And...even though I still don't think it condones what he did, I see your point about my dad. He might not be a pedophile, maybe. But...losing you is something I don't think I can make excuses for, I can't reason that away. I was so fucking in love with you Crys, you don't even know how my world revolved around you. I was just a kid, but I swear it was real. It IS real. And he stole that from me... I told you I didn't want to see you again, but that was fucking bullshit. After one day I missed you. One day later and I wanted to call you and apologize, wanted to make everything right again. But I couldn't. I knew my mom would freak if I saw you again, and so would yours. I guess I never admitted it to myself, but I forgave you so long ago. It's him I can't forgive."

Again, Crys stayed silent for a while. The two of them had said so much in such a short time that each piece said was a great weight that needed finite consideration before being lifted by the rebuttal.

"Lupis..." Crys said softly, and Lu's heart melted. What "wolfy" had done to him sexually when it fell from Crys's lips, so "Lupis" did to him emotionally. "Our love is irrational and inexplicable. It totally makes no fucking sense why we're so in love with each other, but I don't care. Hurting you is the biggest regret of my life, and I want to make it up to you, even if it takes forever." They kissed a couple of times, smiling at each other, wiping their cheeks and noses, which had nearly dried anyway. "But, honey... I think you need to confront your father. It sounds like you haven't talked to him about any of this."

"You're damn right I haven't," Lu replied, fuming again. "He doesn't deserve me talking to him."

"Lu, he's your father, and he loves you. The man I remember loved his kids more than anything. He was always so excited to come home and see you guys, and he always involved himself in your lives. You NEED to talk to him about this, to get some kind of closure with him. You're never going to have another father, and I know you don't want to hear it, but you've got a pretty fucking good one." Crys looked at the wolf sternly for the first time, asserting his feelings.

Lu sighed and thought to himself for a few minutes, keeping his eyes away from his love's. He really did miss having a dad, because Crys was right, Tom had been a wonderful father before all of this happened. But he didn't know if he could ever forgive the man for what he'd done. Well, there was only one way to find out.

"I'll talk to him on one condition," he said to Crys finally.

"Yes?" Crys answered, his ears perking a little.

"I want you to come with me."

When Tom's doorbell rang, he nearly knocked over his coffee table from jumping so much. When Lu had called him last week, Tom was in absolute shock, simply listening as his son said words he thought he'd never hear.

"Dad," he'd started, which immediately threw the elder wolf off. He hadn't called Tom "Dad" in years. "Dad, I want to come over next week and talk to you. Are you available on Tuesday afternoon?"

Tom had had to blink several times to force his brain to restart, for he hadn't been able to comprehend the words. "Yes, I should be off work by four or so," he replied eagerly.

"Okay, I'll be over around four-thirty. Bye." And he had hung up.

Now, Tuesday afternoon, exactly at four-thirty, the doorbell rang, and Tom didn't know what to do with himself. There'd been a bit of traffic, so he'd only barely gotten home himself, still dressed in a shirt and tie, still office-groomed. Though the last four years had been hard on the middle-aged wolf, age had been very kind, blessing him with the physique and charm of a much younger man. At forty-two, he still turned heads with the twenty-somethings at the gym, which made him feel good, if only for a moment.

"Come on in!" Tom shouted, rushing to the kitchen for reasons unknown. He wasn't sure why, but he felt as though the kitchen was somehow appropriate.

When the door opened, Tom was immediately thrown off. He heard two sets of feet, and wondered if his son had brought Chrissy, though the custody agreement specifically stated she wasn't allowed to see him other than the scheduled visit times.

When Lu came around the corner, Tom was just about to tell him to take Chrissy home. His words died on his lips, and his jaw fell open.

There stood Crystal Kaelbrid, the boy from so long ago, the boy that had cost him everything. There stood living, breathing evidence of the worst mistake of Tom's life, and the evidence was overwhelming. Beautiful, mature now, pierced, chiseled and filled-out. And painful to look at, painful to think about, painful to be around.

"Hi Tom," the ever-demure Crystal said in his soft voice, which had deepened a lot since the wolf had last heard it. The jaguar looked timid and nervous, but he had a small smile on his face, which Tom supposed was a good sign. Sign of what, though? he thought.

"H-hello... Crystal..." he greeted awkwardly, unsure of what the jaguar was even doing in his home, much less what he was doing with Lu.

Then he noticed it. Lu and Crystal were holding paws. What the hell was going on?

"Dad... Crys and I ran into each other a few weeks ago, and... well, we're back together," Lu said firmly, as though he dared Tom to question it.

"That's...great!" Tom replied, still completely taken aback. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Crystal answered quickly and politely, before Lu had a chance to ignore his father's well-wishing.

"Crys has convinced me that you and I have a lot of things that we need to talk about, so I asked him to come along, as a lot of it has to do with him." Lu's expression remained stern, borderline angry.

Tom only nodded. "Why don't we go to the living room?" he said, and so they went.

It was a long conversation, and extremely emotional.

What became clear right from the beginning is that none of it would have been possible without Crys being there. He kept the conversation flowing when the wolves didn't know what to say, he helped to keep Lu's anger under control, and was the comfort Lu needed when his emotions overwhelmed him.

Crys explained his theory about Tom's sexuality to him, which the wolf agreed with. He told his son that he'd never desired a child in his life before Crys, and he'd never wanted one since. Just as Crys had said weeks before, Tom was attracted to men, not to boys, and now he had a healthy outlet for that attraction.

This conversation lasted for several hours. And finally, when it was all over, Lu forgave his father, and he hugged him.

"I love you so much, son," Tom said, tears running down his face as he hugged his son for the first time in what felt like an eternity. "I am so sorry that I hurt you. What I did was reprehensible, but I hope you can forgive me... because I really do love you, and I've missed you so much..."

"I missed you too, Dad," Lu replied quietly. "And, I forgive you. Crys has made me see that you're way too important to me to hold on to this anger any more."

They kept hugging for a while, then let each other go, sniffling and wiping their eyes.

"Thank you so much, Crystal," Tom said, offering his paw to shake. "If it hadn't been for you... I don't think this would have been possible."

"Tom, I know we have a past, but you can call me Crys," the jaguar said sweetly, and unexpectedly, he hugged the big wolf tightly, who returned the hug in equal measure. "Tom, you were always like a father to me, even though we made that mistake... I hope we can put that behind us and move on, for all our sakes."

Tom smiled at Crys, his eyes welling again. This time, he blinked the moisture away. "I missed you, too, kiddo. You're family, you know that. And trust me, nothing like that will ever happen again."

The two of them looked at each other for a few moments, and they saw each other for what they were.

When Crys looked at Tom, he saw a large, friendly, overgrown kid of a wolf who was the best damn father he'd ever seen, and who he respected and loved.

When Tom saw Crys, he saw a young beauty perfect for his handsome son, a sweet and caring young man that was worthy of his son's love; he also saw a second son for himself, another part of his family.

Neither saw a sexual being. Neither saw the mistakes of the past. They only saw what was now, what they had made for themselves in those long hours of therapy together.

And Lu finally felt like he could breathe again. He had a father, he had a boyfriend. He had love. They had love.

A love for all seasons. A love for all time.