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I couldn't get the deer out of my mind. Even when I actively tried to forget about the whole thing, the thoughts of what happened creeped right back into my head. I tried to avoid asking Amanda about him, but somehow the words just slipped right out. She didn't have much to add, but said she gave him a few death glares, which made me feel a little better.

After a week of the incident buzzing around in my head, haunting me, Friday had arrived. I had shown up early and picked my usual seat in the back of the class. My foot was nervously tapping as I tried to figure out if I should try to talk to the buck again or if I should let things go and just move on. I knew the second option was the smart one, but something in me, something weirdly primal and unavoidable, kept telling me to try again. Unfortunately, my last minute life choices hadn't exactly gotten me into great places before.

The tiger sitting next to me got up and moved a few rows up, and I realized I had been tapping my pen loudly on the desk. I put the pen down and looked around the hall. It was starting to fill up fast; class was going to start soon. Despite my brain telling them not to, my eyes scanned the room for antlers, and much to my relief, none were to be found. I felt myself relax a little. No deer, no worries. I took a deep breath, taking in the new wave of calm with just a tinge of disappointment. It was better this way.

Something in the corner of the hall caught my eye and I looked over to see the buck standing there. Before I could look away, our eyes locked. I felt my face move into a smile, but he did not return it. Instead, he quickly made his way to the front where the annoyed looking professor was trying to enjoy her few last moments before the lecture.

Fuck. What was he going to tell her? Was I going to get in trouble? What did I even do? My heart beat in my chest as I watched the deer talk to the entirely uninterested professor. It didn't seem to be going well for him. I calmed down a bit.

The deer turned and realized that his conversation was the most interesting thing in the room and everyone was staring at him. He glanced over the room and looked up at me in disappointment. He started walking up the stairs to my row. My heart beat a little faster. I looked down and realized that since the tiger moved, the only open seat was next to me.

With a huff, the deer sat down next to me. I kept my gaze forward. The familiar scent I had become accustomed to only smelling in the bedroom filled my nose. I shifted a little in my seat and tried to discretely look over as the professor yacked on about something. His shoulder was really close to mine. He was wearing a fairly tight shirt over his muscular chest. I could hear his breathing in my ear from his little upfront fight. I looked up at his face. He looked upset still.

As my whole body pulsed with adrenaline fueled bad decisions, I leaned over and whispered "Everything ok?"

The world seemed to stop as I waited for a reply. I watched his face very closely. It didn't move a single muscle. More questions poured into my head as I stared at the deer.

"Sorry about yesterday," I whispered again. "Did I do something wrong?" Still no response as he stared straight ahead. "I didn't mean to bump into you. I really feel we got off to the wrong start here. What is your name? Mine is Jude." I extended my paw to him, my eyes still locked on his face.

He finally turned his head, looking at my paw, and then up to my face. I felt my smile return. "Really?" he said very coldly.

I felt my smile drop and something swell up in my belly. Anger. What was this guy's problem? "Look," I said, "I will be one hundred percent honest with you, I really don't know what I did to offend you, but if there is anywa-"

"You really don't remember me?" he said, looking at me in disbelief.

"No..." I said, studying his face to try and match with any deer I had seen at a party. "Have we met before?"

The deer just turned his head back to the front of the class. I tilted my head to see what he was doing and jumped as he let out a loud, boisterous laugh. My pen went flying out of my paw and into the next row. Everyone turned to see what was going on. I felt my cheeks blush under my fur as I looked away, just as confused as everyone else.

"MR. HEN! WHAT IS SO FUNNY?" the professor screamed.

The deer covered his mouth and ran out of the room. Everyone's eyes moved back to me. I just sort of sank into my seat and shrugged, which was enough for everyone to look back towards the front, where a pissed off professor angrily wrote a note on her desk. 'Mr. Hen.' I don't remember meeting anyone with that name.

I realized I was tapping my pen again, and felt the same gurgling butterflies in my stomach. I needed to know who this guy was, and from the pissed off sound in the professor's voice as she returned to her lecture, this might be the last time I'd ever see him alive. So, I snuck out too, only much more discretely than the deer.

When I got out into the hallway, I saw the deer laying on his side, curled up and still laughing hysterically. I cautiously walked up to the convulsing pile of hooves and antlers. He looked up at me and blinked a few times.

"I fucking hate you," he wheezed, still trying to fight off the giggles enough to catch his breath. "You ruined my life, you bastard." I wasn't sure what to do. I looked around to see if anyone else was watching. "You're s steaming pile of shit. I wish you were dead!" He started laughing uncontrollably again, so I stepped back, starting to wonder if I should be running instead.

"You really..." he propped himself up. "You really don't remember who I am, do you? You asshole." He rubbed his face and looked up at me.

I shook my head, still trying to search through my memory of deer.

"You haven't changed much since high school," he said.

Then everything came flooding in. "D... Darrick?" I felt light headed as the memories of what seemed like a lifetime ago rampaged through my mind. His face suddenly seemed unmistakable. "But... you look so different. You're all... big now." I gestured to his muscular frame, shaking my head in disbelief.

"And you're still scrawny. Funny how that works."

"Darrick..." I said, having so many questions, but not being able to spit one out. "It's been so long. I... How... Where? Wh-"

"I'm going to stop you there," Darrick said, getting back up on his hooves and looking at me in the eye. He had always been a little taller than me, but he was towering over me now. Those eyes were still the same though, the ones I fell in love with so long ago. Only less happy than I remember. "You are the biggest mistake I have ever made."

It felt like something was crushing my insides. What did he say?

"I don't want anything to do with you." He said, and I felt myself freeze. "I don't want to ever look at you, I don't want to ever talk to you, I don't ever want to even think about you." His eyes felt dark. I could feel myself trying to catch my breath as I stood there, motionless. "I need to take this class, so I'm going to need to have you back off and disappear from my life."

"But, I-"

"I know we can't avoid each other completely, it's not that big of a campus," he said, finally breaking eye contact. "But I need us to pretend we don't know each other. You are out of my life. Poof. Gone." He gestured with his hands close to my face and I flinched. "Got it?"

"Wha-"

"Good." He looked me in the eyes again. His stare felt distant. "Goodbye, Jude." And then he walked away.

___

I hadn't cried like that in a very long time. I felt ridiculous walking across campus with tears streaming down my face, but I needed to be home and I needed to be home quick. I texted Amanda, but every second it took for her to respond felt like an eternity as my world crushed in around me.

My head couldn't take the high of seeing Darrick again, and then the blow he gave me. I laid on the floor of my living room and sobbed until Amanda came through the door. She curled up around me and squeezed tightly. All I could do was stare at the carpet. Everything felt dead inside of me. I had felt this all before when Darrick left me the first time, only it stung more now. I didn't know why.

I didn't eat much the next few days. Food didn't seem appealing. Amanda tried to take care of me the best that she could, but she had her own life with her own problems. I skipped a lot of class the next week, including Friday. I just couldn't get myself to go. I missed an important quiz. It didn't seem important at the time.

Eventually, I began to feel something again. The tears dried up. My appetite returned, and Amanda was able to make me laugh again. There was some warmth finally.

I tried to make up what I missed in my classes. Most of the professors were understanding. My Friday professor never replied to my email. It was a fight I wasn't willing to put much effort into. But, I knew I'd have to face Darrick again. I was already on thin ice with my grades. Another failed class wouldn't be good for me, and I needed it to graduate.

So, Friday morning rolled around, and I somehow forced myself into the classroom door, and sat in my usual seat in the back, wearing a large sweatshirt I could hide myself in. I realized I was still wearing my pajamas, as I watched my knees sway in front of me.

I tried to stop myself, I really did, but the antlers caught my eye and I couldn't look away. He didn't look at me as he took a seat at the front. My muscles were tense and I felt a headache come on. I finally shifted my eyes to a different corner of the room.

"As I mentioned last week," the professor began. "Today will be short to give you some time to start on your group projects."

I said a silent prayer of thanks.

"I had originally planned to let you pick your own groups, but I've learned from experience that this only encourages cheating, so instead, I have selected your groups for you." She pulled up a list of names on the projector. "You will all be in groups of six, except for this last group of five. I'll take that into consideration when I grade you. Now, I'd recommend that you gather here in class, exchange information, and go to the library to start your research. Good luck."

I scanned my eyes over the list until I found my name. Group eight. 'Susan Fawn, Gregg Net, Landon Brit, Jude Fennet, Margaretta Hope...' It seemed like a cruel joke. I read over and over the last one; _'Darrick Helm.' _ That couldn't be his name, could it? How common was the name? I looked down at the deer in the font. Judging by the crumpled paper in his fist, he had made the same realization I had.

I packed up my things very slowly, and walked down to the front where the groups were. I kept an eye on Darrick, who had remained in his seat, the crumpled paper still in his clutch. I found the rest of my group.

"Are you Darrick or Jude?" a lemur in a pink sweater asked.

"Jude," I replied.

"Ok, well, that just leaves Darrick. I wonder where he is."

"Maybe he didn't come today," a wolf in a leather studded jacket said.

"He's... uhh," I said, "over there." I gestured with my head towards the deer.

"Oh god, not that guy," the wolf said. "Do you know him?"

"Uhhh... kinda?" I said.

The wolf scoffed. "Well, he's your problem then. I'm outta here."

The wolf walked off, and the rest of the group looked at each other.

"I... uh, have some stuff I need to do." The lemur said, avoiding eye contact as she left.

The rest didn't bother to actually say anything as they turned and walked away.

I stood alone in the rapidly emptying room. Even the professor had left already. I looked over at Darrick. I cautiously walked up to him. "Hey."

He didn't respond. He just kept looking forward at the ground.

"It looks like it's just you and me." I tiled my head to get a better view of his face. "I know it's not ideal but-"

"I need to pass this class," he said coldly.

"I know. So do I."

He looked up at me. There wasn't much in his eyes anymore. "I don't... Just don't..." he leaned forward and put his face in his hands and sighed. "Fuuuuuuck."

"Look. Neither of us want this. But, we don't have much choice. We can either be weird about it, or get the project done and go back to hating each other."

Darrick sighed again and stood up. He nodded and we went to the library. It was a weirdly quiet walk. He had a much longer gait than me and he wasn't doing anything to slow his pace to allow me to catch up.

When we got to the library, the conversation was short and precise. If it didn't need to be said, it wasn't. We picked out our topic, checked out or books and started outlining everything. Darrick kept his distance. He'd always be on the other side of the table, and he never looked at me. It made me feel worse.

A librarian walked up to us. "I just wanted to inform you that the library is closing in 15 minutes."

I nodded at her. Darrick looked at his phone.

He sighed. "I forgot they close early on Fridays. I hate this school."

I dawned on me that Darrick had been to other schools, and that he had a whole life since I last saw him that I knew nothing about. I fought the urge to ask him about it. I didn't want to set myself up for more pain.

He looked at the piles of books and notes around us. "I guess we start again tomorrow?"

"I can't. I have a thing." I lied. I just didn't want to spend a Saturday at the library. "I... well, I guess, if you're ok with it, we can work at my place tonight? Until we get to a good stopping point, at least." I couldn't believe I had just invited him over. My stomach tightened. "Like old times." Fuck. Why did I say that?

He closed his book loudly and started packing up, still not looking at me. He stuffed his notes into a folder and crammed it into his backpack. I nervously packed up my things too, unsure of what he was holding back. He zipped up his bag and walked away.

A piece of me sank, but I knew it was better that we didn't. The further apart we were, the better. I finished packing up my things and left too. I walked out of the library into the crisp fall air.

"Fuck you," I heard behind me. I instinctively turned. Darrick was standing to the side of the doors, glaring at me.

"What? Why?" I asked, feeling adrenaline starting to pump through my veins.

"Don't you fucking start this faggot ass shit again with me," he said, storming up to where I was standing.

I felt my fist clench. "Start? ME? YOU are the one who started it! Or do you not remember anything?"

"Don't you fucking blame this on me!" The deer was right in my face, his huffs blowing on my fur.

"I didn't do shit!"

"The fuck you did!"

"I wasn't the one who fucking broke my heart by moving away without a single word, ON MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY! How the hell am I supposed to take that? Huh?"

I could see Darrick tense up like he was about to hit me and I flinched knowing what was coming next. When I opened my eyes, he was still just standing there, the fur around his eyes darkening. "You have no fucking idea what I've been through," he whispered, shaking. "You don't have a single god damn idea of the hell I've endured because of you."

I looked up at him. There was fear and anger in his face. It was him. I could still make out the younger Darrick behind all of that pain. He was afraid and alone, just like back then. "What do you mean, Darrick? What did I do?"

"You loved me."

"And you loved me too. And then you left me. I have never felt such a pain in my life. I missed you, Darrick. I didn't know what to do. What happened?"

Darrick looked away, wiping away tears. I reached out and touched his shoulder. He pushed my paw away and turned around. "I can't. Not now."

"Do you want to come to my place and-"

"NO!" he said, turning around and scowling. "You destroyed my life once, I'm not letting you get the chance again. I'll fucking finish the project on my own. Fuck off."

Darrick flew off away from me. I stood there, confused and angry. Why couldn't he tell me? Why couldn't he let me back in. I adjusted my backpack and walked home in the dimming daylight, trying to outrun my thoughts.