FSE

Furry search engine

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The hot water drenched my body. My muscles relaxed, and my arms ceased their folding. My tail uncurled itself and swung behind, twitching every now and again. My fur rested back down on my skin, whether it be the water or the change in mood, I wasn't sure. The blood from under my eye and cheek got swept away with the water accompanied by a slight sting. I gritted my teeth and tried not to cry again.

You're stronger than this_,_ I told myself.

I still let myself cry. I did, however, try to hold it in so it wouldn't be as loud. Hopefully he didn't hear me. I called myself an idiot over and over again. This was the second time it's happened, and I thought the first time was enough to stop it. Granted, the first time was a lot worse, but I don't think it really mattered. I just needed to text Kit, he'll know what to say to keep these bad thoughts away. And maybe even take him away. But did I really want that? Did I really want to get away from him? Most times it wasn't that bad. Worse than that wolf- what was his name? Trent? Brent? Yeah, I think it was Brent. But not all that bad. Most times.

I heard the door to the bathroom open, shocking me out of my thought. My ears swept towards the clicking of cars against the tile. My ears flew back and I ducked my head as the curtain was forced open. I jumped when he grabbed my muzzle with a giant orange paw. He was gentle this time, swiveling my head to face his own. His golden eyes bore through my own.

"Are you ok?" he asked, a finger brushing under my eye. I almost forgot about the gash under my eye, until it started throbbing[CS1] from his touch.

I nodded.

The sides of his mouth fell, and his ears flicked back. His tail started thrashing and his claws came out pricking me slightly. I winced and he quickly withdrew his paw, and gave me another glum face before walking out and closing the door carefully behind him.

I sighed and withdrew myself from reality and pictured me meeting some NFL football player who was hot, smart, funny, and wealthy, who loved me with everything and would never hurt me. My ears splayed to the side and my muzzle turned down. It was wrong to think like that. I was in a relationship at the moment and, while not every moment was the perfect story book relationship, I still loved him. I know he gets angry and he doesn't think rationally when he's upset. He says and does stupid shit but he always apologizes for it in the end. God, I was acting so stupid. He doesn't have an outlet for his anger. He goes to work, comes home, repeats. I don't help much, I suppose. Ever since I went back to school (had to take a semester off and focus on getting money together ad saved up) I've been busy almost every day. Not only that, I'm also so exhausted by the time I get done with all the homework and quizzes, I'm basically a hollow shell. I also work part time at a fish store.

I imagined myself in the store, educating the public on proper care for specific fish and even going over to people's houses to set up tanks for them. Today, I had to help these otters set up an African cichlid tank. Cichlids are very aggressive fish, for the most part, so you have to choose tank mates carefully. It wasn't until after that my boss told me the other family would be enjoying the fish more so than most. Which I didn't get until later and let bad for selling the fish to them.

My tail started wagging and I had a hint of a smile. Apparently, fish keeping is a very relaxing hobby with therapeutic benefits (that's how I con my boss into giving me free fish for my tanks). I know I loved it. Especially my tanks out in the living room.

My tail stopped wagging after a little bit, sore from lading on it as hard as I did. I snapped back into reality and every part of my body felt heavy, like I could barely hold myself up.

I turned off the water and shook myself off, reaching around the curtain for the navy-blue towel. I dried myself as best I could then started up the blow dryer. This was my favorite part of showers. Even though my ears were more sensitive than other species, I still loved the sound and warm air of a blow dryer. I know, I'm weird. So I stood in front of the foggy mirror, an orange blur attached to a brown blur waving around a black blur. I turned the dryer towards the mirror and as the perspiration melted away, my disheveled figure came into view. I had a gash under my eye, the water got some of the blood off, but there was still a stain. It was somewhat small, if you never met me then you probably wouldn't have even known it was there. But, that's what I was worried about. Victoria and Liz would definitely notice it, not to mention Shelby, and Eddy would too but he was more friendly with my tiger than me so he might not saying anything. Hopefully they wouldn't notice. Other than the obvious wound, I felt sore all over and there was some puffiness in my right eye. Basically, I looked like a wreck.

I examined myself a few more minutes before I heard claws clicking against the tile floor and I paused. My fur bristled as the door opened and nicked me in my already hurt shoulder. His whiskers flared for a second before resting. He gave me a look I didn't quite understand, and he shut the door quickly. The aroma of weed traveled into the bathroom, making my nose twitch. Now it made sense as to why he tried to come in.

I sighed and resumed grooming myself. A couple minutes later when I was done, I unplugged the blow dryer and replaced back under the sink. Stepping out into the bedroom, my ears folded back and tail tightly curled around my leg, I could only hope everything had settled out.

Justin was under the covers, he looked to be in a fetial position and I could hear his breathing was very rapid and inconsistent. His tail was kicking up some of the covers as it was lashing. I sat next to him on the bed and put my paw on his shoulder. The crying stopped and he just lay still. He pushed the covers off to show his face, the fur under his eyes matted and wet. I used my thumb to wipe them while he stared at something behind me.

"You're an ugly crier," I said, forcing a smile.

He sniffed then grabbed my paw and moved it away from his tears. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why not?"

"'Cause I hurt you."

"Eh, the pain will go away."

"Why aren't you mad?"

"I want to talk and I don't want to go into it with negative thoughts."

"Talk about what?"

I gestured to the messy room. "This. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Lately you've just been very...hard to deal with. I love you, but I just feel like I can't...um, I don't really know how to put this next part." I rubbed my whiskers between fingers while I sat next to him. "Justin, I love you. This is the first time this has happened, and I really don't want to keep doing this with you. Honestly, I have every right to walk through that door and never come back and there should be no reason you should get upset about that. But I don't want to. If its because I'm scared of being alone, the thought of not being with you, or the my anxiety, who cares. It doesn't matter now. We're here now. I'm calm. You're calm. Lets just talk about what happened. And if we decide to break up, or I decide I need space, at least we can leave things on a positive note. Is that okay with you?"

Justin looked at me and gave a bright smile. I could see some brownie still in between his teeth. "You're cute when you take charge."

I pushed him and laughed. "C'mon, this is serious."

"I know. I just love you. And I'm really sorry. Scout, I love you and I want to be with you till I die, I want to marry you, have kids, more fish tanks. I want you to be with me. I don't want other guys. If I talk to them, it's only because I'm bored or something. I'd never go off and cheat on you."

"But, to me, flirting and receiving pics from other guys and complimenting them and calling them things...that's a form of cheating to me." He was silent and looked away from me. "I love you too. I obviously want things to work out. This is the first, and last time, I hope, this happened. But if you're serious about wanting this to work, you're going to have to change just like I will. We've been together three years, tiger, I don't want it to end right now. But if we both can't change, or one is and the other isn't, maybe we should let each other go. I want to give it time, though. But if things don't go well, you know as well as I do, that we should end it."

He turned back to me and smiled. "Deal."