FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

Lucien was in a tight spot, and he didn't mean his uniform this time.

'Miss, this is very inappropri-'

The voluptuous hamster leaned further over the counter, breasts pushing into the beefy housecat' full chest as she cupped his cheek in a hammy paw. Oh god, why weren't there more customers at this hour? The pervert licked her lips, causing Lucien to recoil further.

'Whaddya say, hunk? Give this naughty girl some extra cream?' He gulped, trying his best to repel the hornball without having to touch her..oh god... he froze, shutting his eyes as she ran another hand down his front, lower- and lower- and oh thank god, she stopped... He heard a choking squeal...thankfully not his own...and gingerly opened an eye. Oh no, not again...

'In that case, miss, here's your cream, on! the! house!'

Oh dear, his best employee and distant relative had the offending pervert in a vicious headlock, forcing an entire jug of cream into her open maw. She was sputtering and flailing, clawing in vain at the rabbit's arm as he smiled that soul-less, chilling customer-service smile while continuing to force feed her the full cream carafe. Lucien groaned, relieved to be free but now worried about how to resolve *this* customer complaint.

Yu leaned in towards the choking criminal with a mockingly curious expression as she choked and squealed.

'Hmm? No more? But miss, you've already contaminated the entire carafe ! We appreciate zero waste in our store, you know? So chin up,miss' -He jammed the jug harder against her mouth. 'you're almost done!'

'Uh...Yu?'

'Sorry, Hya*' Yu squeezed his arm, causing the hamster's eyes to bulge. 'I'm a liiiiiiiiiiiiittle busy attending to this customer right now~'

Lucien clapped a paw to his forehead, running it down his face in frustration.

With a strangled moan, the woman managed to break free, coughing up cream with her damp fur reeking of cream. Lucien backed away, feeling his fur rise again as he caught a glimpse of her glare.

'Youuu...BITCH.'

Oh crap. 'DUCK!' He mewled, but panic rooted his legs behind the counter as she lunged at Yu, screaming shrilly. Yu sighed, stepping away as she crashed into the dairy bar.

'Hya, call 911, please.'

'Oh..right,er, on it.'

'Could you also bring the mop bucket as well? Thank~ you!'

'I'M GONNA SUE YOUR ASSES FOR ASSAULT!'

Yu sighed, dodging her left , then right attempted punches deftly.

'Look, Mi_ss, _ we have recorded you sexually harassing my colleague on our security cameras. In fact, we're going to be pressing charges against you ...'

'You fucking long-eared whore!'

He froze, ohhh, that was IT. Raising an ear backward, Yu confirmed that Hya was still fumbling about in the back with the mop bucket and also thankfully out of earshot. Good. He bent down, still smiling until he was eye-level with her. Still maintaining his happy grimace, he glared at her with his blood-red gaze, and she started to back away.

'Clean out your ears, you speciest, cheap, criminal slut , I already warned you last time about touching ANY of my friends here, you hard of hearing or something too? Be careful of what you eat, be careful when you are walking outside and definitely if you try to walk in here AGAIN.'

'T..tough talk for a boobless bi-'

Yu crammed the empty carafe into her maw, swooping down until his nose almost touched hers, wiping off his soulless smile to reveal his wrathful countenance.

'Oi, whore, I'm *not* a woman, and I'm glad I don't have moobs like yours. We were SUPPOSED to be leaving early today, but you had to come in here AGAIN and fuck things up. Well! You made this goddamn mess, you clean it up, after the police come for you, disappear from this neighbourhood. You try anything funny like going after Luke again or me, I'm going to get Ammy and the girls to tear your breasts off and stuff them down your throat till you shit milk. You got that?'

The hamster nodded fearfully. Yu sighed, relieved, but disappointed in himself. He'd been trying so hard to keep his...violent tendencies in check (especially since it would be bad press for the cafe) but this perverse woman had kept on pushing him over the brink. Thank god for Ammy (really Amelie, but no one dared to call her that) a great friend, longtime customer, Judo rival and leader of the Hell Harpies motorcycle club.

As if on cue, the giant, hulking cat stumbled out from the back, mop bucket in tow. He'd taken a while because he had to give Yu a piece of his mind today about his ... extreme measures, and besides calling the police, he had also spent quite a few minutes rehearsing what he had to say.

'He..here's the mop... The police should be here any minute now...I'll stick around.'

'Thank you, Hya, but I think I can take care of it, go freshen up till then.'

Yu tossed the mop to her, ignoring the yelp as the handle hit her square on the nose. Lu steeled his nerves again.

'Well, Yu, there's also something we need to talk ab-'

'After we've dealt with all of this, Hya. Oh, and yes, I'll keep an eye out on Miss Sex Offender here, don't you worry.' He gave her a frightening smile, and she hurriedly set to work cleaning up the spilled milk.

Lucien frowned, then sighed, retiring into the backroom, shutting the door behind him as he headed upstairs to the home they both shared. Business was constant, a relief at least...but he really needed to have Yu learn how to deal with bad customers...without threats or violence...he sighed. Speaking of correcting behaviours, he'd have to find a way to say 'no' one of these days...

*Cultural note: Yu uses the kinship term 'Hya' is a term that means older brother, but can also be used to refer to an older male relative of the same generation relative to oneself or to address a young male.