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Do you yearn for a girlfriend/boyfriend experience unlike any other? Have you achieved your financial dreams, and wish to regain your footing in the dating world? We at the Lotus Club can make these fantasies into your reality!

The following are testimonials from long-time customers, with their names changed to remain anonymous:

Alan, 43, rhinoceros:

Lotus Escorts is the best with customer service and provides you not only with good company when out in public, but also whom to have fun within the bedroom. The secretary I talked to is a real treasure, not judgmental, and accommodating for whatever kinks I liked my men and women to have. They somehow even managed to help get me a hookup I thought would never happen. While I do appreciate a great fuck with females and especially a muscular male to fuck me, I've always had a fetish for andromorphs (or cuntboys, if we want to use the politically incorrect word). Well, low and behold, I highly recommend trying out a night with the lovely Alex Whisper. He's a red fox with the smile of an angel and the sex drive of an incubus. The first time I came inside him, thrusting my dick in and out of his soft folds while trading velvet tongues with him, Alex left me a very satisfied man. And many nights since. He's even helped me clean up after dinners with him.

The lad was quite knowledgeable too! Without giving away too much of what I do for a living, he gave me a second perspective on a business deal my company wanted to do, and whether or not to go through with it. Well, come this latest recession, and our decision not to invest in the deal paid off. I barely lost any money, let alone employees, compared to my rivals!

As a divorced, middle-aged businessman, Lotus Escorts really helped me reignite my sex life. I've gone on spectacular dates with men and women of all stripes and fur colors. I give it five stars across the board. The prices may seem steep at first, but trust me, it's well-spent!

Jack, 27, red squirrel:

I joined Lotus Escorts after being set for life in Silicon Valley. Not only did they help me blow off steam on lonesome nights, but also helped build up my confidence in the bedroom and at the dinner table. Especially on dates.

See, I'm a self-sufficient tech wizard. Ever since high school, I've always been a master of repairing and renovating electronics. Give me an ePod or an old flip phone, and I could make it do things you never thought of. This drive to make things better has certainly made me successful in my career, and it's something I'm proud of. It shot me up all the way to my heavenly dream job months after graduation, while my luck with girls throughout school and college was more akin to Hell. Even when I had the money to impress the ladies, they didn't feel like listening to some nerdy squirrel from the Midwest talk about

Anyway, that's enough ranting. Back on topic, I learned from Lotus Escorts that my tastes in women go in a direction I never considered. Rather than leading one through a date, I actually enjoy it when a woman takes command of the relationship. And out of the dozens of dominatrix ladies I selected, none have made me feel more alive than Madame Daphne. That nasty, wonderful vixen has not only broken me down and rebuilt me into the stud I am, but she really knows how to make the punishments stick. God, I'm getting hard right now, thinking about what she'd do to me if she learned I called her a 'nasty, wonderful vixen'. Maybe she'll make me wear a vibrator to work again Stick a dildo up my ass? Or maybe act as her footstool after sex? Fuck, I hope she sees this!

Miranda, 31, Labrador:

If you didn't know I was a female dog, you'd consider me a misogynist. You'd think I was a garden-variety male pig who liked seeing women in their place; making sandwiches after a sweltering fuck session, going down on me as I watched TV, doing the house chores and cooking meals for me in the kitchen. You know, normal sexist stuff. Too bad I'm a self-hating lesbian.

My sex life has never been in trouble, per se, but it has been affected by my occupation as a chief operating officer of a major Fortune 500 company. It's thanks to me that the corporation has a high productivity rate, at the cost of whatever social life I used to have. I'm too devoted to my job to bother dating. Most females I tried having random hookups with either filled enough red flag categories to get banned everywhere or were too intimidated by my personality to ever exchange numbers with me. It's a good thing the ladies at Lotus Escorts not only have a backbone but know how to make me appreciate my own gender.

Like I said, if I were male, you'd call me a misogynist. I like submissive women. I love having them suck my clitoris after a hard night at the office headquarters, then making me a hot meal as I take a cold shower, then come into the kitchen to enjoy a late-night dinner for two by candlelight. It makes me feel like I have an actual loved one to take care of me. My only complaint is that the escorts working for Lotus can't live with you full-time. Otherwise, I consider it money well spent for a monthly evening.

Kevin, 59, boar:

I'm bloody gay, and unapologetic about it too. Not to name names, but I'm also a big producer in the porn industry, so you don't need to convince me about wanting guiltless sex with no strings attached. Sometimes, I'll be up for going to see a movie with a sexy twink half my age, other times, I'll just want a good mouth to deposit my own cum into after a nice breakfast in bed, but most of the time, I like to use Lotus Escorts to explore my homosexuality. The last things I liked doing was dating my own porn stars, going without sex for longer than a week, as well as hooking up with men too unhealthy/clingy for my own tastes. Lotus Escorts helps me avoid all three.

Probably my absolute favorite kink involves spanking. I love to spank twinks. I love it. I love paddling, using belts, my palms, a stick, a cane, or a metal dildo. So long as it's consenting, of course. The main problem for me has been that some of the willing escorts that Lotus initially provided for me weren't as much into it. The lads were too fragile for what I had in mind, but thankfully, the secretary had a solution: the After Dark Club, where sex actors with experience in the most specific kinks can help fulfill your fantasy. And fulfill mine, they absolutely did!

Last night was among the most beautiful nights of my life. The lads given to me were a shy but determined otter named Mark, a foxy switch named Jacob, and an alluring tease of a wolf named Hansel, all of whom let me spank, then fuck them senseless in succession. Heh, I can't wait to book time with all of them again, the next chance I get!

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But wait! What if your tastes are much more exotic than the average kink? Do these taboos of yours range between depraved, sickening, or borderline illegal? Well, feel ashamed no longer, by joining the After Dark Club, where members get exclusive access to the kinkiest escorts our company has to offer! Embrace your dark heart's desires as Lotus Escorts' After Dark Club will give you a role-play scenario that is incredibly realistic with entirely built sets, dedicated sex actors, and sometimes not even a safe word!

WARNING: Consult a lawyer with a Lotus Escorts representative before considering membership with the After Dark Club, as some requested role-play scenarios won't be protected from federal prosecution across different jurisdictions. Results may vary.

Become a year-long member, and Lotus Escorts will not only give you a 50% discount, but offer you 1,500 points to help you start off. Don't wait today and sign up!

Lotus Escorts: Bringing your fantasies to reality.