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Broken Things

Chapter Four - Finale -

© Cederwyn Whitefurr

24th January, 2024

All Rights Reserved.

Next morning, after their night of cautious and gentle intimacy, Sheppy doing _everything_he could, to ensure this confused, bewildered Synth would only have the most pleasurable of memories to process, held the charging cable in his paw, before socketing it into the port on the back of the powered down deer synths head.

Guilt and shame weighed heavy on Sheppy's heart. The events that had unfolded the previous night lingered in his mind, a bittersweet memory that clashed with the reality of his actions. He had remorse, more than he could cope with, as he grappled with the consequences of his choices.

You did it to show Bucky, what it is truly like, to be held, loved, and treated with kindness and compassion, not as a mere sex toy. You heard his sounds, and felt how his silicone body trembled and rippled in true pleasure... why do you torture yourself?

Why indeed... Sheppy sighed and slumped onto the couch, resting his head in his paws.

"What have I done?" Sheppy's voice broke the silence of his derelict apartment, his eyes fixed on the synth in front of him. "I sought only to provide you with comfort, a night of pleasure, to experience truly, what it _should_have been, between you and your previous master. But now... I question if I'm any different from those who abandoned you..."

Sheppy rose, then paced around the room, the worn floor creaking beneath his paws. His mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He couldn't deny the pleasure he had seen in Bucky's LED eyes, the gentle twitches of his synthetic fur, and responses to Sheppy's gentle, affectionate touches - yet, it all felt like a betrayal. A betrayal of the innocence of the recently reset positronic mind of the innocent deer - a synth, originally designed as a child's companion and playmate.

"You were made to be a playmate for a child," Sheppy growled, curling his fingers into fists, his knuckles crackling. "An innocent, joyful companion. Yet, as the child grew into a man, the memories I saw within your mind - intimate, shared moments... I've seen them all, and seen how that woman threw you away like rubbish because she was jealous of the relationship you had with your mas... owner. Now, I've seen what you done with him, I've seen _all_of it, and to protect you from the pain of your enforced abandonment, I tried to fix you - to take away all those painful memories - but I took the good ones from you as well - for that, I can never ask for your forgiveness..."

Sheppy snarled, then slammed a fist into the wall, fracturing the plaster, but the pain he sensed was nothing, compared to the pain in his heart at this moment.

"Now, through what I have done last night - am I no better than the one who threw you away?"

Sheppy began to hyperventilate, the walls feeling like they were closing in on him, as the weight of his actions - whilst pure and good-hearted - pressed in on him. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had crossed a line, blurred the boundaries between caretaker and companion in ways that felt uncomfortably...

Human...

For what felt like an eternity, Sheppy grappled with the feelings and emotions within him, slowly forcing himself back to a semblance of calmness and rationality. As he heard the almost inaudible hum of the charging cable, he felt a reminder of the connection that bound Sheppy and Bucky. Oblivious, powered down, the recharging Synth was blissfully ignorant of the turmoil in Sheppy's mind, recharging itself in a peaceful, electronic slumber.

"Is this what he needs, or is it what I need?" Sheppy questioned himself.

The conflict between empathy and self-judgment waged within him, both sides equal and compelling in their arguments.

"I wanted to help, to heal the broken, but have I only deepened the fractures?"

Sheppy knelt, and placed a quivering paw on the Synth's head, stroking it gently and sighing quietly. Sheppy couldn't escape the nagging doubt that his attempt at giving himself to the Synth, in a gentle, compassionate, and fully open way - responsive and tactile to the Synth's cautious ways, might not have spectacularly backfired and further complicated what was already Bucky's confused and troubled existence.

With a heavy heart, Sheppy collapsed into the broken couch, keeping a watchful eye on the Synth he had rescued. Bucky's display panel was blank, his power levels still low, as the broken solar panels trickled their meager electricity into the synth's batteries.

"What have I become to you, Bucky?" Sheppy pondered, gazing at the synth. "A savior? Or a monster? Just another chapter in your broken existence?"

Silence returned, creeping into the apartment, bearing silent witness to the moral quandary that gripped Sheppy's conscience.

"I wish I knew..." Sheppy murmured, then fell silent once more.

*

For hours, the apartment remained shrouded in an uneasy stillness, as Sheppy grappled with the conflict within him. His internal turmoil threatened to drive him to madness, as the arguments continued within him, unabated.

Sheppy's eyes fixated on Bucky, whose LED panel remained blank, his synthetic body still attached by the cable. As the guilt built within Sheppy was a tangible force, pulling at the slender threads that remained of his sanity, he couldn't shake the feeling within him - that he'd altered Bucky's very essence, attempting to fix what was broken within the synth and would have only caused more and possibly irreparable - damage.

"Last night, I sought to give you comfort, to share with you a gentle, intimate night. Yet I fear I may only deepen the fractures within your delicate positronic mind." Sheppy confided, as he delicately stroked the Synth's head again, his lingering words carrying the full weight of his regret.

Silence that followed, enveloped the room and seemed to stretch into eternity, as Sheppy resumed grappling with his own identity and the impact last night might have on the Synth. He did not know and was afraid to ask when the synth finally came back online.

Sheppy sat before the synth, clutching his knees to his chest and resting his head on his knees, his eyes hooded and facial features forlorn. He had attempted to mend the broken Synth, yet he knew it was a double-edged sword, revealing not only the complexities of his own compassion and the unintended consequences of tampering with Bucky's memories.

"I'm no Synth-Tech Technician - " Sheppy whimpered, his ears drooping. "I just wish I knew..."

Powered down, Bucky was oblivious to Sheppy's terrible suffering...

*

The following days passed as the recharging Synth remained offline, until at last, its LED eyes blinked and a confusing scrolling of code rushed up before the LEDs settled into Bucky's slightly confused expression.

"I was worried about you,"

Sheppy murmured, gently placing a paw on the back of Bucky's head, the synth obediently tilting it down, as Sheppy disconnected the plug and gently placed the panel back down, smoothing the synthetic fur.

Bucky, his ears rotating, looked around, then settled on Sheppy. "Internal crono dictates that - "

"Shhh, I know, and I'm sorry. I only have these broken solar panels left to replenish your charge. It - seems they're starting to fail, hence the length of time needed."

"I... understand." Come Bucky's voice from his vocoder. "Can they be repaired? Or..."

Sheppy shook his head slowly. "Sadly, I have neither the knowledge nor the money, to fix or replace them."

Bucky rose and moved about for a moment, curious and inquisitive, before one ear twitched backward and his LEDs blanked, before reappearing as a frown, before he looked back towards his tail, giving it an experimental twitch, before he looked back at Sheppy.

He's starting to assimilate what you done with him -

"I have..." Bucky began, the frown deepening as his ears rotated forwards and back, as he descended deeper into processing these new memories. "I was...we -"

Sheppy twitched, trying to mask his emotions, as the confused Synth continued - before it finally blinked and walked slowly and deliberately towards Sheppy, its LED eyes wide and luminescent.

"We..."

Sheppy swallowed the lump in the back of his throat, expecting the Synth to become angry - or worse - disappointed.

"Sheppy - " Bucky spoke quietly after several anxious moments. "We... You...did things..."

Sheppy twitched, he couldn't help it.

"Was..." Bucky paused, his LEDs alternating between a straight line and a frown, as he dedicated much of his processing power to trying to find the words. "You... taught me, showed me... things."

Sheppy fought to contain himself, his guilt compounding by the moment.

"We...made love? These - things - inside of me..."

Sheppy explosively breathed out, before he smiled nervously. "They're called emotions, they tie to memories - in our minds."

"Memories..." Bucky pondered a moment, then a smile spread across his muzzle, his LED eyes turning into upward-facing open-ended triangles, that were his attempt at a humorous smile. "I like - these memories. I feel...pleasure. Comfort...happiness. You were... cautious, afraid...why?"

Sheppy swallowed, then sat on the floor, patting his lap. Obediently, the Synth lay down, resting its head on his lap, gazing up at him like a lovesick pet.

"I wanted you to explore and experience it at your own pace, in your own way. To build upon these memories, to make them good, pleasurable memories and experiences. You may be synthetic, made of polymer, electronics, and silicone - but you _still_have feelings - inside. I'm not talking about the sensors that when I touch you, you experience what your mind _perceives_as a touch, and pleasure from this."

Bucky's frown returned as he assimilated this information. "I have...feelings? These are not programmed responses imprinted on my positronic mind. I - like these, these feel..."

"Nice," Sheppy helped him, before he sighed quietly, stroking the Synth's head tenderly. "It shows you're breaking free of the programming forced upon you. You're truly - becoming your own person."

Bucky's frown flashed over his LEDs again and deepened. "Is... wrong to be broken?"

Sheppy shook his head violently. "No...not... like this. This is a _good_thing, truly! It is a remarkable and wondrous thing! Embrace it - "

Bucky stretched out his forelegs, looking from one soft, silicone hoof to the other, visibly confused.

"I didn't mean literally. I meant, you're starting to evolve - cast aside the programming they forced on you, your obedience and willingness to do whatever was asked - or demanded - of you. You're truly - on the very edge of _true_sentience."

"This is... a good thing?" Bucky asked, visibly conflicted.

Sheppy gently lifted the Synth's head off his lap, as he stood up and began pacing the room, his words trailing back to Bucky's auditory pickups.

"Yes, this is a massive moment for you, my dear, sweet, innocent Bucky."

Bucky blinked, something in Sheppy's movements and voice made the Synth's programmed fear suddenly shine forth, as his ears slapped down into the indents at the back of his head, his LED eyes almost filling his displays.

"Sheppy is hurting..." Bucky murmured, his boundless compassion and desire to help, however, he could, plainly evident.

Sheppy stopped his pacing, then hung his head, unable to hide it from the Synth any longer.

"No, you're right - " Sheppy sighed.

His internal guilt had reached the breaking point. He stood upright, a heaviness in his chest that seemed unbearable. Bucky remained alert and confused, still lying down, his LED eyes brightening as his unblinking gaze poured forth with a mix of confusion and concern.

Without a word, Sheppy's shoulders slumped in a broken, submissive posture Bucky had never seen in him. Bucky's ears nervously perked, and he started to rise, but a gesture from Sheppy instantly sent the Synth straight back to the floor. A silence between them grew tense, as Sheppy breathed in and out a few times, gathering what residual courage he possessed.

As Sheppy looked over his shoulder, seeing the concern on Bucky's muzzle, especially in the now-fully widened LED eyes that filled the ports, Sheppy spoke quietly.

"Bucky, there's something I need to show you..."

Bucky, watching on, remained as still as a statue, his eyes wide, ears partially folding.

With a deep breath, Sheppy extended a claw from his paw, and, in a swift motion, he drew it from his chest to his belly. Pulling apart, his fur parted, revealing not the sickening blood, nor organs, nor flesh - but a silicone body core beneath...

Bucky's LED eyes went blank, before reappearing as his mind struggled to conceive of what they were revealing to his mind.

"This," Sheppy's voice came, quiet and mournful. "Is what I am, Bucky... I'm not organic. I'm like you. I'm a Synth too..."

Bucky processed the revelation, his LED eyes flickering with newfound emotions, before at last, settling on comprehension. Sheppy's vulnerability hung between them, as he waited for the startled Synth's response.

Slowly, Bucky rose, his eyes wide, ears partially folded, before he stepped closer - then paused - the quivering that rippled his synthetic fur visible. Nervously, he lifted a foreleg and touched the silicone core with a cloven hoof, his eyes brightening to their fullest extent - showing pure white. Just as carefully, Bucky lowered his hoof - silent and contemplative.

"You..." Bucky began, his processor nearly melting under the myriad of information it tried to assimilate into his neural net. "... helped me... Your intentions were - pure. Whether you are - like me... or not. You've shown me... what it means, to truly feel..."

Sheppy pulled the fur back as best he could, closing his eyes and forcing the nanites that remained within him, to stitch it back together.

"I - could not bear the thought, of losing you. I wanted - selfishly - for you to experience that which I have. Something beyond the limitations of your... our- programming. You have taken your first step into an entirely new - and unexplored - world. I will walk with you, paw in hoof, in a metaphorical sense, into this new and uncertain future - together..."

Bucky leaned against Sheppy's leg, for the first time ever in its life, the Synth's tail raised and began to flag in true happiness - Sheppy's wagging in turn, as he placed a paw lightly on the Synth's head, in a comforting touch of solidarity - and true - sentience in the newly awoken Deer Synth...

END