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Maybe I could get this out of my head by playing Nintendo. I turned on the game console and started playing. Soon I got into the pattern of the game, but that made things worse. The same things kept running through my mind in a random order, one after another, almost like verses of a song playing to the stupid music of the game. I was working myself up into a frenzy. I was so confused.

After about 2 hours my Master returned. I was still playing the game and more confused about my feelings than ever if that is possible. I didn't acknowledge my Master when he came in, pretending I was engrossed in the game. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me like before. This time I involuntarily cringed and pulled away from my Master's touch.

"Damn it Beau, I thought you were coming around. I wanted you to be able to come down and be with the family. What's happened, why are you angry again?"

I just hung my head; I didn't know what to tell him because I didn't know myself. Finally I said dully, "I don't know Master."

"Beau I can't help you if you don't tell me what is bothering you." My Master sighed then said, "Can I at least count on you being civil at dinner? Please!" He added imploringly. Despite my confusion it hurt me to see how much this was wearing on my Master. He didn't deserve my shit on top of the responsibility of his position as "The Beta" and the responsibility of a wife and pups.

"Yes Master, I'll behave at dinner."

My Master hooked my leash to my collar and led me down to the dining room in silence. I sat at my Master's left and he put some lasagna, 2 slices of garlic bread and a bowl of salad in front of me. I still had very little appetite. There was still tension in the room. The pups looked at me with distrust; Fenrir actually appeared to truly hate me. I already knew that Sigyn was frustrated and disappointed in me. Even looking at my Master you could tell he was emotionally exhausted.

"Beau, you are going to have to start eating or I'm going to have to have a doctor look at you. Is there something wrong with the food? I can have cook make something else for you."

"No Master, the food is good and I'm not sick. I think it's just nerves." I said as I picked at my food. Back home I always had a ravenous appetite.

There was very little conversation; no one knew what to say to each other. Everyone ate fairly quickly. The pups were sitting patiently waiting to be excused from the table, while I toyed with my food. I had finished less than half of it, when I finally realized my Master was waiting for me to finish before anyone could leave. So I pushed my plate away from me.

"Are you finished Beau?"

"Yes Master." I said with my eyes averted.

"Well, let's go into the living room and watch a movie. Butler can bring desert in later." My Master said to the group. We all went into the living room and sat down. Against the one wall was the TV, it had to be 8' tall by 10' wide. I sat on one end of the sofa, my Master sat in the middle and Fenrir sat on the other side of him. "Fenrir, grab me the remote." Fenrir jumped up and picked up the remote from a small stand in front of the huge TV, and eagerly gave it to his dad. "Thanks Fenrir. What do we want to watch tonight?" He flipped to the "Movies On Demand" and everyone gave their opinion of what we should watch. They decided on something and started the movie.

"This TV is different from the one you have in your room Beau. This one is what we call 3D." He proceeded to explain exactly what 3D was. It was pretty amazing and even though I had a hard time figuring out what was going on in the movie, it was still fun to watch. It was so clear and it looked like you could just reach out and touch things. While I was concentrating on the movie I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. Soon I was leaning affectionately on my Master and he put his arm around me before I even realized it happened. It felt too good to resist. After about 15 minutes I felt a hand caressing my head, but it felt too small to be my Master's. I looked up and realized that it was Fenrir. When he saw me looking he smiled sheepishly and I smiled back.

"See you two, there isn't any reason you can't get along." My Master encouraged.

Then I just buried my face in my Master's muscular furry chest and completely forgot about the movie. Deep inside I knew that when I let myself just feel without thinking, it was obvious that being with my Master was what I wanted more than anything else in life. It was also really nice to have Fenrir petting me; maybe we could get along after all. Maybe I could finally let go and accept my place in this world. About an hour into the movie my Master buzzed for Butler. He came in and bowed low to my Master. "Does Master desire desert now?"

"Yes Butler. Please bring us some Sundaes."

I had no idea what a Sundae was, but everything that I had had here had been delicious. I think I was even relaxed enough to actually enjoy eating something. In fact now that I thought about it I realized I had barely eaten in days and I was famished! "What is a Sundae, Master?"

"'I'm sure you've never had anything like one before. These are hot fudge Sundaes. It starts out with ice cream, then you pour hot fudge on it, then whipped cream and finally a cherry on top."

"I don't know what any of that is." I said giggling, "But you make it sound very delicious."

Butler brought a bowl in for each of us. I watched as my Master started to eat his. He held the bowl in his left hand and used the spoon to transfer some of the gooey stuff to his muzzle. Everyone else was digging in too, so I tried it. He was right; it was like nothing I had ever tasted before. I swallowed it quickly and took another spoonful. I was really hungry, and I started eating faster.

"Slow down Beau, you're going to get a brain freeze!"

I had no idea what my Master was talking about, until I took another big spoonful. It felt like someone had stabbed me in the forehead with a knife. In my shock I lost control of the bowl and spilled my Sundae all over my Master and Fenrir. Soon I had both hands pressing my forehead; I thought I was going to die.

"Hey Dickweed, watch what you are doing! Are you always such a fucking spaz?" Fenrir yelled at me in surprise and anger.

"Fenrir, he didn't mean to spill it on you. Apologize to him."

"Why should I apologize to him? The fucking son of a woman spilled it on me! He should be the one apologizing!"

"Fenrir, there is no reason for you to call him names, get a shower then go to your room!"

Fenrir glared at me and headed to the shower. But as he did he left a parting shot. "FT fucks up everything around here, I hate him!"

The mysterious pain went away as fast as it came. "Master, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to spill my Sundae. I just never had a pain in my head like that before."

"It's from eating cold things too fast. I tried to warn you."

"I know I'm sorry. Why do I always fuck everything up?" I said hanging my head.

"There is a lot for you to learn, and Fenrir needs to learn some patience. Now you finish watching the movie with the rest of the family while I take a shower to get the rest of this Sundae off of me."

He left to clean himself up after my fuck up. I sat there alone watching the movie while Butler cleaned up the mess. It left me too much time to think. I had ruined the evening for everybody after everything had been going so well. Fenrir had just started warming towards me and now I wasn't sure if he would open up again any time soon if ever. I just wanted to dig a hole, crawl in it and pull the dirt in after me. I could feel all the rest of the family's eyes on me, and I could sense their loathing.

The movie was over by the time my Master got out of the shower. The pups and Sigyn had gone to bed (without saying goodnight) and I was there waiting. "Let's go to bed, Beau." I followed him up to the room. I had got my fix earlier in the day so I didn't "need" my Master. Earlier, while we were watching the movie I had wanted him. Now I just wanted to be alone. I wasn't mad at my Master this time, I was angry at myself. Why did I always have to fuck things up? My Master put his arm around me and before he could pull me close to him I had flinched and pulled away. I saw the pain in his face and I realized how much I was hurting him.

"Beau? Why are you angry again? I didn't yell at you, I wasn't even mad. I know you didn't do it on purpose."

"I'm sorry Master, I'm not mad at you, I'm angry with myself. Everything was starting to go good, and I fucked it up again."

"Beau, there is a lot of stuff to learn. There are going to be times you mess up. As long as you are trying I will understand."

"Well maybe you will, but the rest of the family hates me. And I can understand why, I can't do anything right. Back at the Firehole I was good at everything, people looked up to me. Back there I was considered a "real" man. Maybe that's where I belong."

"And what makes you think you are not considered a "real" man here?"

"Because I'm just a fuck toy to you. If I was a "real" man I wouldn't be taking it up the ass. And I definitely wouldn't be enjoying it."

"Beau, you need to get that kind of unsound thinking out of your head. There is nothing wrong with submitting to someone who is alpha to you. All Sheps submit to any other Shep that is alpha to them. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I bet you've never taken it up the ass before."

"Well you would lose that bet. I've lifted my tail plenty of times for Woden, he's the only one who is my alpha. There have even been times I've shamelessly begged him for it. That's the one thing that I actually feel sorry for Woden about, he has never felt the ecstasy and peace of submitting to a superior."

"You're just saying that to make me think it's OK . Maybe it is OK for Sheps, but "real" men don't submit." Part of me thought he was lying; my Master was about as masculine, virile, macho and alpha as you can get. He couldn't possibly be someone's fuck toy.

"David doesn't seem to have any problem submitting."

"Well I'm not fucking perfect like David! Anyway, who said that son of a bitch is a "real" man!" My anger flared at the mention of that little bastard.

"Calm down Beau. I never said he was perfect, but he IS happy. Just like you are when you let yourself submit to your master."

I knew he was right, I was happy when I submitted completely and totally surrendered to my Master. Why was being a "real" man so important to me? But the mention of David had redoubled my anger. My Master put his arm around me and I pulled away. I knew it would be like a knife to my Master's heart, but I did it anyway. I still had not forgiven him for bringing David into the discussion.

"Well Beau, maybe you should sleep in your room tonight. You won't want me to hold you when you are feeling like this and you will probably get a chill. Your room is warmer and there are plenty of blankets on your bed."

He walked me to my room and bade me good night. It would be the first night I had slept alone since I had been captured.

I pulled the thick soft covers down and got in my bed. It was soft and comfy and the pillow was big and soft. At first I lay on my back with my head on the pillow. It was then that I realized how much I liked sleeping with my Master. I had always slept on my back at home, but now I was used lying on my side, resting my head on my Masters broad muscular chest, my arms around him. The sound of his big heart beating in his massive chest made me feel secure and loved. I rolled over on my side and rested my head on the pillow and tried to pretend it was my Master. It wasn't the same, but eventually it let me drift off into a very troubled sleep...

I awoke in the dark in confusion and anxiety, an all encompassing pain gnawing at my entire being. I reached for my Master and he wasn't there. Was I back at the Firehole, did I dream all of it up to begin with.

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed still half asleep. I threw the covers off of me and jumped out of bed. I finally realized where I was and turned the bedside light on. I also noticed that I had tremors and pain to go along with my paranoia.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall and my door burst open. My Master ran in panting and came up and held me.

"What's wrong Beau?"

"It's nothing, I had a nightmare."

"What about?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I said defensively. For some reason I didn't want to talk about the fact that I had been terrified that it had all been a dream and I was still at Yellowstone.

"Beau, you're trembling. Are you going through withdrawal again?"

"I think so Master." The pain and anxiety were getting worse.

He picked me up like I was a baby and carried me to his room.

As soon as we got in his room and he set me down, I dropped to my knees in front of him. He was still soft. I skinned back his sheath and took him into my mouth. I started nursing on his massive slab of doghood, eager for the first spurt of precum that would ease my suffering. Unfortunately he wasn't hardening. "Master, please hurry!"

"I'm sorry Beau. I'm having a hard time getting it up. It isn't very erotic seeing you needy like this. I need someone that wants me, not someone that needs my semen. I'm going to have to close my eyes and try to fantasize about something else."

He closed his eyes and slowly he started to harden. After about 2 minutes he was hard enough that I could start stroking him. It was another 30 seconds before I milked out the first spurt of precum. It was enough to take the edge off of my addiction. I could see from the smile on my Master's muzzle that he had come up with a passable fantasy and he was now rhythmically delivering pre to my hungry maw. He lifted me up on the bed, put my knees over his shoulders and guided his head to my pucker. He stroked it a few times and sprayed precum over my rosebud, then spread it around with his dickhead lubing it and me at the same time. Finally he pressed it against me and slowly I opened up for him. My body was desperate for his assault, soon he was in and I was clutching him like a drowning man clutches at a life preserver. It seemed like it was taking forever, but eventually he was down to the short strokes and I could feel his huge knot making us one. He grunted loudly, and shot explosively into me. And that was the last thing I remembered with any clarity until morning.