Yiffbusters
YIFFBUSTERS
by
Archie Pelago
Transcript of episode 1, season 1. Original air time 4/20/07. Nosuch Studios. All rights reserved.
James: Give us a break!
Eve: Don't try any of the stuff we do on this show.
James: We are what you might call sexperts.
(Title sequence)
Narrator: Who are the Yiffbusters? James and Eve Kirby, both coyotes, are a bisexual swinging couple. Between them, they have ten years of sexual experimenting. They are determined to break as many myths about sex as they can.
Eve: Well, my dear, what yiff-myth shall we tackle today?
James: We got an e-mail from Kaa Bakingsoda of Idaho that tells us about a chef in some midwestern restaurant that had to make an omelet for a rich customer in a hurry. Problem is, the chef had recently run out of eggs. He didn't want to disappoint the hungry man, but he was stuck. But then he remembered that semen has a ninety percent chemical similarity to egg-white.
Eve: (smiles) Oh, he didn't....
James:(nods) Yep! According to the myth, he really whacked off into a frying pan, fried the jizz and served it to the customer.
Eve: Did the customer ever tell he got boned on his meal? So to speak.
James: I'll have to research this a little more. In the meantime, let's get that stove heated up. I'm ready to cook you some breakfast. I'll come into the frying pan first and then, when you aren't looking, I'll make an ordinary egg-white omelet. The taste test will determine if this myth is busted or confirmed.
Eve: Sounds good. Let's make you horny.
Narrator: As James heats up the frying pan, Eve heats up the kitchen! She peels her tank-top off of her c-cup breasts.As she turns away from her husband, she slowly pulls down her blue jeans, revealing the "Slippery Slopes Ski Lodge" panties James got for her birthday. James is a coyote who gets harder than chinese algebra at this sight. Her slender but lightly muscled frame shows the years of sexual athletics that make her and her hubby perfect for this show. Her hips sway to and fro as she licks her nipples, her long blond hair sliding off of her shoulders. His pants-zipper will burst if she teases him any longer.
James: That narrator's right. I gotta give my boys some breathing room.
Narrator: As James struggles to unbunch his sausage, Eve pulls down her panties to reveal her red snapper. There may be more than just omelets getting served soon.
Eve: Nope! I'm just going to give him a blow-job so he can shoot his load into the pan.
Narrator: James pulls off his pants, showing off his pride and her joy. His body may be on the skinny side, but he's got what it takes to keep up with his wife.
James: Just be careful with your aim, Eve. Blisters aren't sexy.
Narrator: She nuzzles the eight inch pink cock with her cold nose.
James: NNG!
Narrator: Then she wraps her long, ribbon-like tongue around his dick. Eve tickles his balls with just the tips of her right fingers. This makes her husband whimper like a little girl.
James: Oh, come on, man! I don't sound like that!
Eve: Don't worry, baby. I know how to make you growl like a tiger.
Narrator: Just as promised, she begins to gently pull on his nut-sack as she sucks his cock-head. He starts to pant as his voice drops several octaves. Now he doesn't sound so wussy.
James: Rrrf...At least I'm...ooh...the one getting his dick sucked.
Narrator: Jerk. Anyway, Eve takes in every inch of his meat, her cold nose pressing into his belly.
James: At least that...uh!...means Eve's healthy. (brr)
Narrator: While Eve sucks off James, her hands are occupied with her clit. She sticks her right hand wrist deep into her baby-oven, while her left hand tugs at her fleshy pink labia. James leans on the stove, his knees getting weak from the cock-sucking. He doesn't watch where he puts one hand and burns it on the pan.
James: What? OWW!
Narrator: James really feels like an idiot right now.
James: You're harshing my blow-job buzz, buddy. Mmm...ooh, Eve baby, that's the magic.
Narrator: No one can resist that mouth. James has already forgotten about his injury. A few more sucks and James is ready to blow. As Eve aims her hubby's wiener at the frying pan, she frantically licks the most sensitive part of his dingus, making it bulge and tremble until...
James: UUUHH!! (whimper)
Narrator: Sounds like the tiger turned into a kitten. As James pumps thick, ropy spurts of his unborn children into the sizzling pan, Eve has to resist popping his cock into her mouth.
Eve: I can't help it. I love the taste of his come.
Narrator: That will make this experiment interesting. Can James fool Eve with a regular egg-white omelet, or will her experienced tongue root out the fried pearl jam?
Eve: Well, I'm going to spray the sheets while you cook. I'm leaving a snail trail. Bye!
James: Listen, Narrator. Can you cook this for me? I love to help Eve whack off.
Narrator: Sorry, I'm just a disembodied voice.
James: Dammit.
Narrator: As the grumpy cook makes two meals for his wife, Eve busies herself in their bedroom with her dildo collection. Her red snapper is hungry for bait after that blow-job, so she feeds a rather thick rubber worm to it. This foot-long, fist-thick dildo could be used for home defense, but she just uses it to beat her horniness into submission.
Eve: You're reaching a bit on your metaphors, mister.
Narrator: Sorry, I'm just getting distracted by your masturbation.
James: I thought you were just a voice.
Narrator: I...erm...James is ready to test this myth. Right?
James: What? Oh. Yeah, I've cooked up both omelets. Are you done yet, honey?
Eve: Give me a minute!
Narrator: Eve rubs her glistening cunt-button with one hand while stuffing her pussy with the dildo. She's drooling like a firehose and so is her clit. She's trying to cum but something is holding her back.
Eve: I need music. Barry White always gets me hot. James, get the cd player fired up!
James: It's busted, remember?
Narrator: Maybe I can help. (sings) I'm going down to Sobek Park, gonna have a horny time. Yiffy gators everywhere, lots of reptile fornication. I'm going down to Sobek....cripes, she's soaking the sheets like a busted dam!
Eve: UUhhhh...anything to make you stop singing!
James: Now are you ready?
Eve:(Struggles to her feet.) Yeah, I'm good. Be right there.
Narrator: As she sits on a kitchen chair with a splat, James hands her a fork.
James: Take your pick, dear.
Eve: They both look the same. Hmm.
Narrator: She samples both omelets carefully.
James: Well? Any difference in the samples?
Eve: Nope! The omelet on the right seemed a little stringy, but eggs are like that sometimes.
James: So this myth is confirmed then? You can indeed make an omelet from semen?
Eve: I'd say so.
(A vibrator rattles its way over a field of used condoms, the word "confirmed" written on the side.)
(Roll credits as Eve and James slip into bed.)
Eve: Dear, did you find out more about this myth after you cleaned up the kitchen?
James: Yeah, according to one source, the chef got fired after the customer ate the omelet. The guy found a pubic hair wedged in his teeth. Since it wasn't his...
Eve: Gotcha. (thinks for a moment) Uh...sweety, you did check to see if the fake omelet didn't have that little...additive, right?
James: Erm...(looks guilty) sure. If you say so.
Eve: (rolls her eyes) Why did I marry you?
James: I'm a good cook?
(Credits roll)
Narrator: If you want to see future episodes of Yiffbusters, PM Archie Pelago and send him sex myths that James and Eve can bust, confirm or deem plausible. Nothing involving vore, former food, under-aged or hermaphroditic people, please.
James: Yeah, we're tasteful perverts.