The Seeker, Chapter 38, part 3
My stories are copyrighted, so NO takee! This is the third part of Chapter 38 of "The Seeker", the one in which Great Lord Ba'al goes on a mission of his own. It's not quite as long as the others, but pertinent to the story line. Enjoy!
The Seeker, Chapter 38, Part 3
Great Lord Ba'al's Adventure
By William W. Kelso
Ba'al watched as Mistress Vulva left the office to hopefully retrieve the last of the three keys they needed to open the mysterious portals in the depths of her domain. He was surprised at how concerned he was, not only for her, but her strange familiar as well. This was not an emotion he was used to feeling; usually he could care less if he sent a minion on a dangerous mission. Of course is they didn't come back he'd go and personally avenge them, but that was more to uphold his image then for any other reason. But he'd known her for a long time, a very long time, and had grown...well; fond was as good a word as any, of her. And he had to admit he liked her 'Pet' too, the fire dragon had a kind of endearing quality about him that made him hard NOT to like. Plus of all his numerous minions he was sure of one thing about the odd pair; they were totally, completely, loyal. Oh, a lot of his minions and slaves were; he knew that, but they took it even further. Send them on a mission and they would complete it, or die trying. And he realized that's what worried him; he would be...upset, if anything happened to Mistress Vulva, or even the dragon. With a snort, hiss, and bleat, he shook all three of his heads, and then with a sigh he took on his more 'human' one headed form. It was smaller, and it made it easier to walk through the tunnels without bonking his heads on the ceiling all the time. Big and bad was good, but he got really tired of that; it's why the ceilings at his own Fortress of Doom were about twice as high as normal. His fortress was one of the few where even the larger fire drakes could enter relatively easily.
With another sigh he stretched, got up, popped a few kinks out of his wings and other spots, and headed for the 'special pentagram' chamber. Oh well, no rest for the wicked, he thought. His own mission wasn't quite as dangerous as those Mistress Vulva and her Pet had been sent on, but it still wouldn't be easy. For one thing he'd have to 'negotiate' with some humans; which was a real pain in the butt as they were so damned paranoid nowadays. Plus in the mortal realm he'd have to keep his most human appearance as a huge three headed flying demon would certainly attract unwanted attention, and with the ongoing war against the darkness he had no doubt they'd probably nuke his ass. So it was suit and tie, Italian shoes, and dark glasses. His first 'official' stop was in Afghanistan, but first a little detour. He wanted to give the person he'd be visiting 'proof' of his good intentions.
The first stop didn't take long, and as he left the flaming compound he gave the man thrown over his shoulder a pat on the rear, and said, "Be quiet or I'll rip your tongue out." That shut him up. The second stop was more...tricky.
Lt. Gen. Wesley Thomas Wayland was bent over a situation map frowning intently, which he'd been doing a lot lately. No matter what they threw at that damn 'shadow', or whatever the Hell it was, it didn't do any good! Oh, they could slow it down; napalm worked best for that, but did not stop it! And it was spreading, AND was showing up in other areas around the globe. Evidently China had finally stopped denying that they and Russia were both fighting the same thing in some of their border provinces, and were actually asking the USA for help! That was what scared him more then anything. And he'd just heard most of the locals; including the Afghanny military, had split during the night. He didn't blame them really, that was when the darkness grew the most, and fastest. As another flight of fast movers came in for a run, he heard a sound behind him.
"Tod, that you? Gen. Wayland asked, "get me some coffee, would you please."
"Sorry," Ba'al said, "afraid I'm not Tod. Forgive the intrusion, but we need to talk."
In one smooth motion Gen. Wayland turned, drawing an ivory handled Colt .45 in the process, and stopped with it pointed at the 'visitors' head in a rock steady grip.
"Who the fuck are you, Gen. Wayland snapped, and give me one reason why I shouldn't blow your fucking head off? Guards!"
He kept that grip steady as he examined the stranger who had somehow appeared in his command post. The large man was well dressed in an expensive; but conservative, business suit, and had another man draped over one shoulder. He was wearing dark glasses, and his expression gave away nothing. He radiated...power. Suddenly he grinned, revealing teeth that were much too sharp, and said,
"Will this do?", and unceremoniously dumped the man he'd been carrying over his shoulder onto the ground with a loud thud. "And don't bother calling for help, we won't be disturbed during our little meeting."
The man rolled up onto his knees, and whimpering he crawled towards the General on his hands and knees, pleading, "Please, help me, I beg of you! He is the devil himself!"
"Holy shit!" Gen. Wayland said, "is that...!?"
"Osama bin Laden, yes," Ba'al replied, "I think you've been looking for him. But this is just a loaner; he's coming with me when I leave. He's in for a BIG disappointment about how he'll be spending the afterlife. Holy warrior my ass; and as for virgins, well, I think not."
Gen. Wayland looked down at the man holding is legs and groveling, then slowly brought the .45 up to port arms. "OK, he said, this bought you about five minutes. Now, who are you, and how the HELL did you get in here? You aren't one of those 'men in black' pussies, are you?"
"As to who I am, Ba'al said, perhaps it will be more...effective, and save time, if I show you." And reaching up he took his glasses off.
"Jesus Fucking Christ!" Gen. Wayland shouted, and stumbling backwards sat down in a camp chair. Osama crawled under the map table, yelling, "I told you so!"
With a smile Ba'al put his glasses back on, and said, "I'm afraid that would be a physical impossibility, though I do like the concept. Now, does that answer your question?"
"A-Are you...?!?" Gen. Wayland started to say.
"No, I am not HE," Ba'al said, "merely one of his servants. My name is Great Lord Ba'al, but since you are an individual of rank as well you may just call me Lord Ba'al. I am here because we have a common enemy, and I wish to propose an...alliance."
"A-An alliance? Gen. Wayland stammered, with...with HELL?"
"Yes, and Heaven," Ba'al replied, "you see, the darkness is everywhere. Even as we speak Hell and Heaven are also fighting for their very existence. Hell has nothing to do with this; it is pure chaos, the void, nothingness. If it wins, there will be...nothing. I have been authorized by both demonic and heavenly powers to negotiate on their behalf. You have been chosen to represent humans since you are at the heart of the battle."
Straightening up and recovering some of his composure, Gen. Wayland said, "What exactly do you mean by an alliance? What can we possibly do that could help Hell, or Heaven, for God's sake?"
"Please, General!" Ba'al said as he flinched, "do not use that word in my presence! You are a true believer, so it...bothers me."
"What word...ohhhh, riiight, sorry!" Gen. Wayland said, "didn't mean to, um, give offense."
"None taken." Ba'al replied, "An understandable slip of the tongue."
"Say, wait a minute!" Gen. Wayland said, "That wasn't you at the Vatican, was it? I saw all those news forecasts, and that sure looked like some sort of demon that was flying around and trashing the place."
Ba'al rolled his eyes, and said, "No, but he was one of my minions. I'm afraid he got a little, um, carried away. I'm planning on having a little talk with him later."
Gen. Wayland holstered his pistol; he had a feeling it wouldn't be of any use anyway, and asked, "Yeah, I would guess so, he burned down St. Paul's. Very well, I'm certainly open to, er, suggestions. Would you care for a drink, I don't know about you, but I sure as Hell need one."
Ba'al chuckled at the Generals choice of words, and raising an eyebrow, asked, "What are you offering?"
"Johnny Walker, black label." Gen. Wayland said, bending over and taking a bottle out of the bottom drawer of his desk.
"Ahhh," Ba'al said, "a man of taste! Yes, please, a double if you don't mind. You have NO idea of what I've been through over the last few days!"
"You and me both." Gen. Wayland said as he poured generous portions of the amber fluid into two canteen cups. "And will YOU quite sniveling!" He added, giving the man under the table a kick. "Yes sir!" came the response.
Ba'al chuckled, "Thank you; that was getting annoying." He accepted the cup, took a long sip, and said, "Excellent! I must admit a weakness for fine liquor; that is one thing you mortals do so well."
"Oh yeah," Gen. Wayland said as he took a slug of his own drink, "that really hit the spot. Have to be careful though, can't hold my booze like I used to. Now, just what exactly did you have in mind? You need to know, of course, that I have to clear anything we decide on with the President."
"Yes, unfortunately," Ba'al replied, "I know all about the chain of command, you wouldn't believe what a pain that can be in Hell sometimes."
"Betcha I would." Gen. Wayland replied, and they both chuckled. "Well, you've got my undivided attention."
"Good." Ba'al said, "There are preparations underway in Hell to counterattack what we think is the source of the darkness, where it is breaking through from the void. What we need is a full out coordinated attack in Hell, Heaven, and on Earth with everything we have at our disposal, a last ditch effort as it were. But it's just a diversion to draw its attention away from the main attack. A small; but very powerful, force of demonkind; led by me, will strike what we hope is a lethal blow."
"A commando raid; makes sense." Gen. Wayland said, "Cut off the head, the rest dies."
"A fitting analogy," Ba'al said, "But it has no real 'head' as we can understand it. Think of it as a 'leak', overflowing into our dimensions. We need to plug the leak."
"Ah," Gen. Wayland said, "Like the little Dutch boy in the dike."
"I don't follow you," Ba'al said, "What does this have to do with a child sticking his finger in a lesbian?"
"It's a child's story, about a...oh, just forget it." Gen. Wayland said, "Here, let me freshen that."
Humans can be so weird sometimes, Ba'al thought as he leaned over and accepted another helping of the excellent liquor.
"OK, I can understand what you want, no problem there," Gen. Wayland said, "but how will we coordinate with the rest of the world? I mean, we need the Ruskies, Chinese, and every other kid with a slingshot in on this."
Ba'al smiled, and replied, "Children with slingshots, as in David vs Goliath? How funny, but I do understand what you mean. Do you recall an old television show called 'Candid Camera'? Well, at this moment our meeting is being broadcast on every screen in every military and government command center in the world. Live."
"Holy sh...er, cow!" Gen. Wayland said, looking around for any hidden cameras.
"Hah, good save," Ba'al said, "but don't bother looking for cameras, that little trick is being handled by Heaven. It's their contribution to the proceedings."
"Well, that is one, er, heck of a trick." Gen. Wayland said, "But do you think everyone will buy it? I mean, some of them are pretty, er, paranoid. And no offense, but you look more like a banker or CEO then a, well, demon Lord."
"Ah, good point." Ba'al said, "But I think even the more paranoid ones will believe this. And he took on his true form, in all its unholy glory."
"Holy...fucking...shit!" Gen. Wayland choked out, bin Laden just fainted again.
"Do you think that helped?" Ba'al asked, having resumed his more human form.
"Um, yeah, I think that did it." Gen. Wayland said, "But do me a favor, don't do that again, at least without giving me more warning. I left my other set of fatigues back at the base."
Ba'al gave a loud booming laugh, and said, "Oh, I think that was sufficient. Now here is what I propose. Next Tuesday, the 10th, at exactly midnight, you hit the darkness with everything you've got, ALL of you do. Everything but nukes."
"Why no nukes?" Gen. Wayland asked, "I mean, we could toast that thing with a few ICBM's."
"NO nukes," Ba'al said in a deeper voice, "You have NO idea what you're playing with; they could just blow the hole between dimensions even larger. Plus it would mess up the environment. I have no idea why HE", and he pointed up, "even let you figure out how to make the damn things anyway."
"OK, understood, no nukes." Gen Wayland said, "I think I can safely promise that for the US forces, but not for the other nuclear powers."
Ba'al smiled, his mouth growing wider showing numerous sharp fangs, "If any of them do use nukes, I will personally pay them a visit to 'discuss' the error of their ways. And I guarantee they won't like it."
"Ohhhhkay," Gen. Wayland replied, his heart beating about ten times faster than normal; man that was one nasty smile! "I think I can convince them not to use any nukes, except maybe North Korea, they're total loonies."
"Ah, yes, good point." Ba'al said, "They are even more paranoid then most of you mortals. Tell you what, I'll send a 'friend' of mine to have a talk with monkey boy, make him see the light, so to speak. He should...behave himself, after that."
"Boy, I'll just bet he will." Gen. Wayland said, "I'd like to see that!"
"I'll have a recording made," Ba'al said, "and send you a copy."
__________
Quick flash to scene of Pet holding Kim Jong-il by one ankle; butt naked, and dipping him head first in a big bowl of Won Ton Soup, flaming buildings visible in the background through a broken window. As usual he'd gotten over zealous and wrecked the joint, leaving Kim's compound looking pretty much like Berlin in 1945.
"You promise to be a good boy?" Pet hissed, and then dipped the squealing man in the soup again. "And talk English; I can't understand a word you're saying! And what IS it with that haircut, birth control glasses, and the Dr. Evil outfit?? No wonder you can't get a date!"
Note: The recording was a big hit on U-Tube, and once it reached North Korea everyone finally got fed up and gave monkey boy the heave-ho, and he ended up selling pencils on a street corner in Beijing. But he did finally get a date, and ended up marrying an older woman that had a thing for BDSM and CBT.
__________
"Thanks." Gen. Wayland said, "That should do it. Now, can we expect any, um, backup from Heaven or, er, Hell?"
"Would you like me to set a bunch of demonkind loose upon the world?" Ba'al asked with another nasty grin. "I can arrange that, if you think it would...help. But as to getting them to come back afterwards, well, no promises."
"Um, OK, I guess that won't be necessary." Gen. Wayland replied quickly.
Ba'al chuckled, and said, "Wise choice."
"OK, so we're on our own as far as that goes." Gen. Wayland said, "But I think we can hold up our end."
"I suggest you do," Ba'al said, "not only your world, but Heaven and Hell will depend on it, as you will have to depend on them. But I think between the three of us we can give that thrice damned thing a kick in the balls and make it squeal."
Gen. Wayland raised his cup, and said, "To Heaven, Hell, Earth, and victory."
Ba'al tapped his cup against the generals, and drank the rest of the whiskey. He smacked his lips, and said, "Good toast, and excellent whiskey. I'll miss it. Now, I must be away, we don't have much time."
"Wait a second," Gen. Wayland said, and reaching into a drawer pulled out an unopened bottle of Black Label, and tossed it to Ba'al. "Save that for a victory drink."
Ba'al touched the neck of the bottle to his forehead in salute, and said, "Most generous general, my thanks. It's so hard to get good booze in Hell, and I don't care for the local stuff. And a friendly warning, you're pretty much a shoo-in for the other place, but watch the four letter words and blasphemy's, they do count you know."
"Thanks, I'll try." Gen. Wayland said.
Ba'al laughed, and then said, "You know general, if you'd have any interest in a ...job; after you retire of course, just call my name, and I'll hear."
"Um, thanks, but no thanks." Gen. Wayland replied.
"A shame," Ba'al said, "a mortal of your talents could go a long way in my service. But still, the offer stands. Oh, and I almost forgot! Come on, you!" And taking on his true form he reached under the table, and grabbing bin Laden slung the wailing man over his shoulder. "We've been waiting for you, have a really special 'surprise' waiting for you, you'll never guess what it is! Goodbye general, and break a leg!" His center head said, the others bleating and hissing.
Gen. Wayland watched as the demon disappeared in a puff of smoke, and said, "Jesus fu...Christ." A second later the tent flap opened and his aide ran in, followed by heavily armed soldiers.
"General! Did that really happen? We saw all on the CP monitors!" His aide blurted out, "We've been trying to get in your tent for over an hour!"
"Yeah, it happened." Gen. Wayland said, "But I still don't believe it. Sit down and have a drink Captain, I sure as Hell need another one."
The End
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