Yiffbusters 3
YIFFBUSTERS 3
by
Archie Pelago
Transcript of episode 3, season 1. Original air time 7/4/07. Nosuch Studios. All rights reserved.
Eve: (Licking James's penis.) Remember, do not, under any circumstances, try anything we do on this show at home. (Sucks James's cock.)
James: That's right. We have years of experience that keeps us safe. OWW! Honey, watch the teeth!!
Eve: Sorry.
(Title sequence.)
Narrator: Who are the Yiffbusters? James Kirby...
James: Am I missing...a testicle?
Narrator:...and Eve Kirby...
Eve: Your jism's all over my head, man!
Narrator:...both coyotes, are a bisexual swinging couple. Between them, they have ten years of sexual experimenting. Joining them are Kyle Fiverson, a gray rabbit...
Kyle: That's MISTER faggot to you, sweetheart.
Narrator:...and Rod Rockhard, a brown clydesdale.
Rod: (Singing to the tune All Star by Smashmouth.) Hey now, I'm a porn star. Get your pants off. Get laiiid.
Narrator: They don't just tell the yiff-myths, they put them to the test!
Eve: Dear, why do you have your Santa cap on? It's July.
James: (sings) It's beginning to look a lot like yiffmas. (stops singing) Especially with the chilly myth we get to test today. We got an e-mail from Suture Self who tells of a myth that says that it's impossible for a non-arctic animal to boink in freezing weather. Since we were both born and raised in Arizona...
Eve: We would be perfect for the test. I think as a secondary experiment, we ought to have Kyle, a fellow arizonian, try to whack off under the same conditions. You and I can get pretty warm rubbing against each other, but if Kyle can spurt all by his unprotected lonesome, that'll definitely bust this myth.
James: What about Rod?
Eve: He'll be dealing with two myths at once. There is the myth that says that a woman can come just by having her nipples played with. A fan by the name of Rechan says that a woman can also crush a cola can with just kegel strength.
James: What's that?
Eve: The kegel muscles stop the flow of urine and contracts the vagina, especially during orgasm.
I figure stuffing cola cans into the pussies of a few girlfriends I have and having Rod tease their nipples in various ways will keep him busy. If one gal can come from that kind of attention, she'll be able to crush the can.
James: What if one woman can't? That won't necessarily prove or disprove the myth.
Eve: (Smiles) Don't worry, sweety. We'll make them spurt, one way or another.
James: (sings) Dun dun duuun. As long as I don't wind up in an ambulance again, I'm in.
Eve: Great! I'll call the girls, you phone the boys.
Narrator: Within the hour, a sizable zoo-crew has gathered in the mosh-pit/lab of the Kirby residence. Kyle is snuggling up to James, while Rod ogles the three women who are talking to Eve.
Eve: Guys, here are the kegel and nipple test-subjects. Here is Samara Sung. This four-foot tall Siamese cat may not have the biggest boobs in the room, but her nipples are pretty sensitive. I'm not too sure about her kegel strength, though. Next up is Sara Belle, a seven foot tall bovine with tits big enough to feed Boston. Her kegel strength could probably crush beer kegs, not just cans. To level out the size ratios, we have a six-foot tall Pronghorn Elk named Janine Sykes. Her breasts and estimated kegel strength are about average, so these two myth tests will get a fair shake from these gals.
Rod: (Rubbing his hands together.) And I get to play with these lovely ladies?
Eve: You get to rub, suck and lick only one set of nipples. Your choice. The other ladies will have vibrating nipple-clamps or self-stimulation with just rubbing and pinching. All three of these women will have empty soda cans stuffed into their pussies. The cans have been coated with a protective coating of plastic to keep sharp edges from poking them where the sun shines only half the time. Rod, there is to be absolutely no screwing no matter how hot and bothered you or the ladies get.
Rod: Good grief! I knew this job would be tough, but cripes!
Eve: (Smiles) I'm sure you can cope. Ladies, he's a professional porn star, so he'll be good until we get back.
James: Where are the rest of us going?
Eve: Downtown. We've got a date with a freezer.
Narrator: Eve and the boys drive to Victor's Freezers, a company that builds freezers for restaurants. Victor Blain, an alaskan husky, gives the gang a show-room tour.
Victor: Our biggest models can house a truck. Even if the power's cut off, the freezer will stay freezing cold for days if the door is kept shut. This model over here is ten feet by fifteen feet. We can bring the temperature down to sixty below zero. You say you want to...fornicate in this thing?
Kyle: Yeah. All three of us. That doesn't freak you out, does it?
Victor: The sex isn't as much of a worry for me as the health risks you folks would be taking. You do know that sixty below is enough to kill you in less than two minutes, right? You might also get freezer-burns on, well, sensitive bits.
Eve: I've been thinking about that. We'll start with freezing temperatures, just chilly enough to have ice in there. All three of us will have those small cell-phones that can get clipped onto the ear. If we feel we can't hack it, Kyle'll hear us say so and he'll run in and help us get out. Kyle will also keep an eye on us through the door-window. Electric blankets will be heated up for us, too. There will be a blanket on the floor to keep the metal from sticking to us. If the test is successful, Kyle will whack off in there while we keep an eye on him.
James: Have you ever heard of anyone else doing something like this?
Victor: Well, in Newcastle, Wyoming, it's illegal for couples to have sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer. Laws like that don't pop up for no reason. I'm betting someone's tried something like this...er...experiment, but I've never heard any particular examples.
Eve: Well, that's why we're here. Victor, when can you turn this freezer on?
Victor: Pfft. This is a public product show-room. What you folks are about to do is not an ideal model demonstration. I'll set up this freezer in the storage building.
Narrator: While Victor helps the crew prepare for a private freezer-boink, Rod and the ladies prepare for a much warmer, non-yiffing experiment. The women have stripped naked and have laid down on the cushions.
Sara: I'm digging this love-nest that Eve and her hubby designed.
Janine: Yeah, it's a lot more cozy than the college bunks.
Samara: More room to screw in, that's for sure.
Rod: Oh, you ladies went to the same college as Eve?
Sara: Yep, and we all came at the same college, too. Man, Eve could make a blow-up doll spray the sheets.
Rod: Huh? All of you were her lovers?
Janine: We still are, sweety. That's one of the reasons Yiffbusters was created. So both Eve and James can fuck their old lovers and call it research. Those coyotes slept around a lot, believe me.
Sara: Eve told us about that twenty-one cum-shot myth you guys tried to confirm. It's funny, but today, you are going to have the opposite problem.
Rod: What do you mean?
Sara: Well, she did say "no screwing", right? You can play with my tits, but your dick's gonna have to stay wrapped up in your pants. You can't come even once, much less a dozen times. (snicker)
Rod: Ecchh! Don't remind me! Okay, ladies, here is a box with several sizes of empty soda cans. Pick out the one you feel most comfy with. There's a bottle of lube to help push them in.
Narrator: After the cans are slipped into place, Rod gives Samara the vibrating nipple clips. Janine plays with her boobs with her fingers and tongue. Sara gets to be nibbled on by Rod.
Sara: Now why did you pick me for your personal touch?
Rod: (grins) You teased me the most. Now I get to tease you. Remember ladies, keep your paws away from your cunnies.
Sara: Do you always react this way to teasing?
Rod: You should see what I did to Kyle.
Kyle: ACHOO!! (sniff) Someone's talking about me.
James: What was that, dear?
Kyle: Oh, nothing.
Narrator: The freezer was turned on in the storage building only twenty minutes ago and it's already freezing. That's the cue to get nude. The earphones are put on, Kyle hands James a towel and the couple step inside.
James: Nngyaa! I forgot it was going to be cold in here. I thought my fur would help keep me warm, but I guess not.
Eve: You're forgetting that a layer of body fat also helps keep out the cold. You've never seen a skinny penguin, have you?
James: Nope. And we are both pretty slender people. Can you hear us okay, Kyle?
Kyle: Perfectly. Now yiff like crazy, or you'll freeze.
Narrator: Never has sex been so important to the Kirbys. With the door closed, it's as if the coyotes instantly traveled to the north pole. James lies down on the towel and Eve gives him a blow-job on his sheath while rubbing her pussy and nipples. This helps keep her pink bits warm and encourages James's cock to come out and play. The temperature is cold enough to make snowballs with, but her warm, slick mouth is convincing his dick to rise to the occasion. After a few minutes of sucking and licking, they are ready to screw.
James: Thank Anubis, there's no wind.
Eve: Yeah, the ambient heat of our bodies helps us stay toasty.
Kyle: You had better stick to the positions that have you two pressed together.
James: Missionary?
Eve: Oh, yeah. Better stick it in quick.
Narrator: The natural lubricant that makes James's sheathed penis wet will freeze pretty fast in the open chilly air. He stuffs his cock balls deep in his wife, his balls pressed against her butt.
Eve: OOH! Man, if Rod tried doing that with me, freezing would be the least of my worries.
James: (chuckles)We're fighting off the cold, but I bet Rod's fighting off his heat.
Sara: What's the deal with your sneezing, Rod?
Rod: Someone is...(snurk)...never mind. Let's get back to your nipples.
Narrator: Rod works his long, thick, pink tongue over Sara's three-inch wide brown nipples. I bet he would love to pull out that can and cram his dick all the way inside while stuffing his face be- tween her huge boobs.
Rod: (Looks at camera.) You know what? If you don't stop tempting me, I'm going to squish you into spy-camera size.
Sara: We had similar problems with a college documentary camera following us into the dorm showers.
Rod: How did you handle it?
Janine: We used spray-can foam. You know, that stuff that puffs out and hardens in the air? As far as I know, that camera is still in a giant foam ball.
Samara: So be nice, mister Narrator.
Narrator: Erm...uh...let's check on the coyotes. (gulp)
James: Back so soon? We're just doggy-styling it now.
Eve: Yeah. (nnf) James is pushing his dick in (ooh) deep to keep it warm, but we seem to be doing okay.
James: Yeah, Watch Rod for a while. Just don't tease him anymore.
Narrator: How did you know?
Eve: You talk a lot. (eep) Even for a narrator. Some viewers have (ah) complained about you, you know.
James: You wouldn't have reappeared so soon if you hadn't stepped over the line.
Narrator: Okay, I'll try to cool it. I'm back in the Kirby house. Samara is squirming in the cushions. She's biting her lower lip as she tugs at her nipple-clamps. Is she getting close to orgasm?
Samara: Nnggrrff...yep....ffrrrr...
Narrator: Her eyes are squeezed shut as she pants and gasps. The siamese cat's nipples are pulled a half-inch away from her breasts as the clamps dig into the skin. Samara's legs are trembling as her pussy dribbles with her juices. How long can she hold out before....
Samara: Wwwrowwr!!
Narrator: She thrashes like a rag-doll, her cunt spraying the pillows like a squirt-gun. It's taking all of her will-power to not touch her pussy as it finally slacks off into a dribble. After a few moments of gasping and twitching, she slowly pulls out the can. Lo and behold, the middle of the can is crushed. For such a little woman, she has a lot of inner strength.
Sara: (Claps her hands.) WOO! Way to go, honey!
Janine: (Pumps her fists in the air.) Ha! Myth confirmed!
Rod: Well, we aren't done yet. Any good experiment needs to arrive at the same conclusion more than once to really be confirmed.
Sara: So why don't you try coming more than twenty times like in the last episode?
Rod: Speaking of which, how close are you to orgasm?
Sara: Oh, I don't need to come to crush a can. (closes her eyes and strains) Nnnfff..
Narrator: Is there a crunching sound down there? It sounds like a car being flattened by a monster truck! She reaches down and slowly pulls out a can that's been crushed from nearly one end to the other.
Sara: (Holds the slick, dripping can under Rod's nose.) Nothing to it.
(A close-up of Sara's can. She writes "confirmed" into the dripping clit-juice.)
Rod: Why didn't you do that in the beginning?
Sara: If I did that, silly boy, I wouldn't have gotten my nipple-play.
Rod: Who says? (Sucks on her left breast.)
Narrator: Things are going swimmingly at the Kirby house. Let's go back to the freezer. It looks like the coyotes are sixty-nining. James is on the bottom, hugging Eve's hips, mashing his face into her crotch. They are both shivering with pleasure like Samara.
James: Actually, we're starting to get chilly. Can't talk too long. My tongue is the only thing keeping my wife's pussy warm.
Narrator: Well, let's see what Eve has to say. She's waving me away, her mouth taking every inch of James's cock. They are really speeding up their mutual mouthwork. Little whimpers and yips get louder as they struggle to come. Suddenly, James's face gets bathed with steaming pussy juice.
James bucks his hips and shoots his legs out as his jism slips past Eve's lips. She pulls out and pumps his gooey cock.
Eve: (gasp) Okay, honey, let's get out of here. Myth's busted. Honey?
James: HRRMMPPHH!
Narrator: Cripes, her juices have flash-frozen on his face, sealing his nose and mouth shut!
Kyle: I'm opening the door! Get him out before he dies hilariously!
Narrator: The coyotes are wrapped in electric blankets. James is cramming his face into his blanket. Finally, he gasps for breath. All three of them hug each other for a few moments.
Kyle: Oh, babe, let's not do that again.
Eve: It's your turn to go in there, you know.
Kyle: (smiles nervously) Er...do I have to? You did say that the myth was busted.
James: She just said that to get me on my feet. We have to try this with you to see if one person can come by themselves in the cold.
Eve: (Thumbs towards the door.) In for a penny, in for a pound.
Narrator: The coyotes get dressed and the rabbit gets naked. His ears are flat against his head as his hands cover up his boy-bits. His big feet are thumping the floor nervously.
Kyle: I'll...uh..be next to the door, okay?
James: Just stand on the towel, dear. You'll be okay.
Kyle: Hooboy. Allright, I'm going in.
Narrator: Kyle steps inside, flinching at the sudden temperature drop. He steps onto the coyote's towel and tries to massage his cock into an erection.
Eve: I know you're nervous, Kyle, but try to think about what you saw us do. Think about being in my place. Sucking James's dick, making him happy.
James: Rubbing my balls, building up my jism-pressure. Making my weenie get longer and thicker.
Mmm, it feels sooo good.
Kyle: Oh, yeah, keep going. Dirty talk gets me hot.
Eve: He's pushing his fingers into my pussy, rubbing the clit-button, tugging at the lips.
James: She's tickling the tip of my dick, making it strain. Uh! Man, I think my balls gained an ounce!
Kyle: It's working, my boner's getting bigger! Keep going!
James: Now she's pulling down her pants. Her pussy's bulging and wet. So is my cock.
Eve: OOHH!! He's pushed his dick into me. (nnf) He's humping me from behind. I bet his penis feels just as (ah!) good deep in your (yip!) ass as it does in my cunt, huh, Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah, that's the magic. I've got a boner now. Whacking off in here is easy if I use both hands.
James: That's good, babe! (Ooh!) J-just keep doing that!
Kyle: Are you all right? It sounds like...Hey!
Narrator: Kyle runs over to the door and peers at his friends. They are looking back at him, but on shaking legs. It's hard to stand up when you're fucking, after all. Both coyotes have their pants around their knees.
Kyle: Ha! Oh, brother! How can you screw again so soon?
James: I guess getting out of the cold heated up our libidos.
Eve: That and James gets off seeing you naked. When he gets horny, I do too.
James: One advantage of being married, you know what makes your partner tick.
Kyle: Make him moan, Eve. That'll give me inspiration.
Eve: Well, I could...
Kyle: Hang on, I've got to spit on my dick. My fur's soaking up my sheath-lube. (Hawwwk tooey!)
Eve: Ready?
Kyle: ERK! Nope, I gotta get out!
James: What happened?
Kyle: My weenie froze to my hand!
Narrator: Even with the freezer set at thirty-two degrees farenheight, it's still too cold for Kyle to jerk his gherkin. An electric blanket is wrapped around Kyle and another is wrapped around his whack-off hand. After a moment, the heat makes it safe for his hand and his penis to part com- pany.
Eve: Hmm. That was surprising. I thought that you'd be able to beat off. I guess deep-throating James kept his cock from freezing.
Kyle: I can't bend over that far. I guess this myth is busted. You can have sex in a freezer.
James: I'd refer to this myth as plausible, actually. It was under specific conditions, a towel on the floor, the temperature being right at freezing and very close bodily contact. It took two to have fun in there. One guy whacking off will hurt himself eventually.
Eve: Well, if he were a species that didn't have a sheath, if his cock was naturally dry, maybe he'd get further than Kyle.
Kyle: Like Rod, for example.
Rod: HACHOO! Damn it, am I allergic to something in this house?
Eve: Okay, let's call this myth plausible. Let's get home. I'm still feeling horny and I want to eat some pussy.
(Video clip; the word "plausible" is written into the frost of the freezer window.)
Narrator: Within ten minutes, our arctic explorers return to their home.
Eve: Hey, we busted the freezer-myth!
Rod/Sara: Yayyy!!
James: Well, how are you ladies doing? Any cans get flattened yet?
Samara: I crushed one and so did Sara.
Rod: Both myths are confirmed. Some women get off from just nipple play and can kegel-crush cans.
Janine: I just can't seem to get anywhere with this myth-busting stuff, Eve. All I have so far is a stretched pussy and sore nipples. No orgasms yet.
Eve: (Pulls her shirt off, baring her breasts.) Don't worry, babe. I'll straighten that out.
Rod: Hey, if all three myths are done for this episode, does that mean I can screw now?
Kyle: (Pulling his pants off.) Sweety, that means we can all screw!
Narrator: Rod stands up and pounds his chest, hollering like a jungle warrior. He yanks his shirt off so fast, the sleeves rip. His pants-zipper finally breaks and he frantically pulls his pants down. By the time he pushes his meat into a smiling bovine, everybody's naked and happily humping.
Sara: Don't cum (ernf) too quickly, Rod. I'm (rrf) as horny as you.
Rod: I'm finally humping (huff) someone that can take every inch (ooh) of me. I'm going to savor it, don't worry.
Narrator: Eve's busy stuffing her muzzle three inches into Janine's pussy while James laps her cunt with wild, sloppy licks. He's getting a blow-job from Samara while Kyle rubs his dick, getting ready to ride the bucking bronco.
Rod: (Looks behind him.) Hey, bright-eyes! Try to hold onto my ass while I hump Sara!
Narrator: Kyle's watching that pink horse-anus pulse with anticipation. Or is it constipation?
Rod: You're funny like a train-wreck.
Narrator: Hmph! That rabbit's watching that big brown-furred rump bounce, waiting for the right moment to leap.
Kyle: Hykeeba!
Narrator: He leaps! And hits his target dead center! Kyle hands onto Rod's tail as the horse's butt-bouncing helps pump Kyle towards a long-overdue orgasm.
Janine: Hey, Eve. I want to sixty-nine. That always makes me come.
Eve: Juft lilk old (pulls muzzle out) Just like old times.
James: How many women did you sleep with, honey?
Eve: Just these three. Hey girls, let's wrap up this shoot. If we all come together, I'll buy us pizza!
Sara: Call me later, Rod?
Rod: Count on it. Ohh, fuck. (hoof) I'm getting close.
Kyle: Same here.
Narrator: Janine and Eve are eating each other out. James is humping Eve and Samara is helping Eve bring that pronghorn to climax. The fucking and licking get more and more frantic. The moans and squeals get louder and louder until....
All: OOOHHH! AAAHHH!!
Kyle: Oy. My cock runneth over. (Slides off of Rod and flops onto the pillows below.)
Rod: Oh, shit! That's a few days (oof) worth of come-shots in you.
Sara: Mmmm, that's it, baby. Give me every drop.
Rod: That's a switcheroo.
Sara: What is?
Rod: First time that a cow milked me.
Samara: Man, Janine spurts harder than you, Eve.
Eve: I'm soaked with pussy juice and James's come. I think we'll need to take turns using the shower.
James: Yeah, it'll be while before everybody can go home. But hey, we can all take a breather while I cap off the show. Narrator? Start the music.
Janine: What's he doing?
Eve: (sighs) What he does best. Being silly.
James: A-hem! (Mock-glowers at Eve.)
Eve: Oh, and making me horny. Go ahead, dear.
James: One and a two and a...
(sung to the tune of "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas".)
It's beginning to look a lot like yiffmas
everywhere I go.
From the minute we started the show,
we really wanted to know
can hot-weather folks like us boink in the snow?
It's beginning to look a lot like yiffmas,
with soda cans stuffed in cunts.
Nipple-teasing coaxed out grunts until two of the pussies crushed
two cans till their nipples were sore.
Well, we fucked and sucked in blissful rut
while locked inside a freezer
Kyle tried to come but could not pull it off
for his penis froze to his fur.
I wish we had time to try these myths again.
But Kyle doesn't want to risk a frozen dick-cicle, amen.
It's beginning to look a lot like yiffmas.
Even in our home.
Rod's pants were about to burst.
Maybe he's suffered the worst.
Naked women make him want to blow his load.
I'll continue to see a lot of yiffmas.
that I guarantee.
We had a big orgy, Rod's lust was finally set free.
Oh, what a spoogy sight to see.
This is the end of Yiffbusters three.
Narrator: If you want to see more Yiffbusters, please PM Archie Pelago and send him sex myths that the yiffbusters crew can bust, confirm or deem plausible. No former food, vore or hermaphroditic myths, please.
Kyle: Now go thaw out that bottle of eggnog that you put in the deep freeze in December. You did plan that far ahead, right?