Exposure
#10 of Thin Paper Walls
08 - Exposure
Christmas came quick and left with a bang. Most of my extended family showed up this year, which brought the crowd inside our household to a whopping sixteen, excluding myself. Sixteen mouths that I gladly helped feed, and sixteen gifts I was happy to stuff under the Christmas tree.
I felt like an anomaly of sorts at the Christmas Eve dinner table. As I ate my first piece of meatloaf, I took note that, for the third year in a row, I sat at the very end of the table, customary for the man of the house in my family. But when nobody accompanied me at the opposite end, I figured I must be pretty special. But I sure didn't feel very special, being the only one in the house who never actively sought to carry on the family name. I mean, even my 18-year-old cousin on my father's side shocked everyone the day before with her announced pregnancy.
The dinner became less of an enjoyment and more of an obstacle, unfortunately, after this thought crossed me. And we can thank Jack for that.
"So how's your girlfriend, Jasper?" He cut into the meat on his plate, dunked it in a bowl of sauce next to him, and munched down greedily on it.
"She's not my girlfriend." I grumbled, having told him this all week. Obviously he had ignored it.
"She spoke highly of you. It's great to find someone that loyal." My grandma reassured, glancing at her husband.
"She's a media reporter that went as far as hitting on me without letting me get a word in edgewise! I don't even know her!" I spat.
"Well, don't knock her till you give her a shot!" The dreaded question. The eternal downfall. But this time I fought back.
"What if I don't want it?" I asked innocently.
She shrugged.
"Because you're a part of this family." Jack seethed.
I sighed, "Yes, but..."
"But nothing." He held a very dry expression as he quickly glanced up at me, his fat cheeks jiggling at the sudden change in position. He stared me down like prey.
I didn't want to fight. My oldest first cousin, Liam, who sat adjacent to me, seemed very uncomfortable.
"You okay?" I probably sounded more agitated than anything.
The taller, stockier lynx simply rolled his eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at Jasper." Jack ordered.
"Jack, don't start--"
Now Jack was angry, "This is my house and I'll decide the rules as I go along! It's not a damn democracy!" He jumped up from his chair, as did Liam.
"If you want tyranny, then you can do it to someone else! This is verbal abuse!" Liam stood taller than Jack, built like a football player, his colours were slightly more vibrant than the rest of the family; lighter shades of gray and white, and a more dramatic transition. For a kid four years younger, I knew better than to ever pick a fight with him.
"I'll show you verbal abuse you stupid little fuck!"
They both stormed toward one another, the family all ducked down and continued to eat, as if these events were commonplace now. I wouldn't know, it had been a while since I'd been in this house.
"You can be a dad, but you can't tell every person in your family exactly how to live!"
"As the last real man of the house, I--"
"Real man? My tailhole, real man! You haven't even gotten over your wife who you drove away!"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, YOU NOSY PIECE OF SHIT!"
As the fighting continued, I leaned over to my aunt Clarissa and asked, "Is this normal now?"
"Yep." She said, "Why do you think he hasn't been invited for three years?" She leaned in closer, "Ever since Liam hit puberty... bam!"
Unfortunately, I could not resist an impulse to become a little dramatic, "Look at that. Louis has to fight my battles, and so does Liam."
"Don't say that." She pulled me close and kiss me on the cheek, "Don't you ever say that, Jasper! This is not your fault. It was bound to happen from the start."
Eventually the family managed to break it apart, and Liam sat down beside me again. He seemed even more unstable than before.
"Are you okay now?" I humored myself with the question.
He glared at me furiously.
I slumped back, "Sorry... I... I didn't mean it."
He shook his head and drew a deep breath, "Sorry. Neither did I." Then he flipped a switch, and it looked as if he could cry.
"Well... anything I can do for ya?" I offered awkwardly.
"No." He managed, "I know how to fix it."
After that, I didn't push it any further.
Despite their decent behavior at dinner, which I blame on Jack and Liam's argument, either prepubescent jitters or world-revolving-around-me got the better of the family's three screaming brats that evening. Austin managed to scream loud enough that Jack gave in before finding himself deaf and let the trio open their presents that evening, and when Eve counted the gifts... I'm dead serious, she counted and sorted the gifts by name... she discovered that she had two less gifts than her sister Shelley and demanded Jack give her an explanation, and then came crying to me when Jack said, "I didn't count them." I sat idly on the recliner near the tree, sipping a Mink's Hard Lemonade, when Jack asked me to discipline the screaming lynx. It took thirty minutes to get the brat to stop ranting about what gifts she did and did not receive, and honestly it happened at an instant, like something snapped in her brain. I did little to nothing to contribute to her sudden calm, but one moment she was Rush Limpaw, next moment she became Gandhi... that drastic.
Austin managed to fit four pounds of candy, rounded down, into his stomach, and promptly threw up. Merry Christmas to me, I got to mop it up!
I got everyone one thing... one expensive thing - not knowing Liam that well, I bought him a brand new laptop for college, the two girls got a Wii and a collector's doll set I found on Ebay, Austin got a remote control helicopter that I expected him to break in a few weeks, and I got Jack a check for $10,000 hidden beneath a case of imported Gin. I also got every single person in the house a ticket to the entire 2010 Daytona 500 race week from the Shootout to the 500. Believe it or not, this upper class Christmas didn't even put a dent in my budget; I surely had not grown used to seven-figure salaries yet. To put it into perspective, I bought myself a house and had Jack's house refurbished, not to mention 25% of my earnings went to charity.
The only other kid at the party could've easily been called the most mature of any member of the family. Liam actually grew up right, despite his shaky past with his father. He got a little frustrated with his younger siblings as I did, but pretty much stayed quiet the whole evening, having a couple of drinks with the family, and otherwise just having a good time. I informed Jack that I was pleased. He kinda scoffed; obviously Jack held grudges over little things.
"Alright guys, clean up! I ain't leaving all this wrapping paper on the floor." Jack grumbled.
The small gifts I had received from the family were special, of course, especially the Garmink GPS they both helped to buy, but then Jack handed me an unexpected package.
"You got this in the mail, buddy." He shoved it into my hands.
Plain silver wrapping paper covered the exterior of the surprisingly heavy package, and the Christmas tag did not have a sender listed. The handwriting seemed a bit familiar, but I couldn't put my paw on it.
Beneath the wrapper lied a thick white cardboard box. I unsheathed a claw and tore at the edges of the box till it could be pried open. Buried within some packing peanuts rested my prize. I let the sight sink in for a moment.
Orange metallic paint with red flames intercepting blue waves coated what I made out as a 2010 NAFSCAR Chevrolet Impala, roughly 1:24 scale. I carefully lifted the heavy die-cast from its box and observed it, studying it. Car number 10, but no name, no sponsor, and no decals. Simply the paint, the number, and a message on the front inside of a white crescent "Making the Difference 2010". It looked as if it had been handwritten there. I already knew that this was not the 10 car for 2010, lacking a sponsor, but was this really symbolic of what I thought? Had what I told Brandon really been taken that deeply to heart by him? The back panel of the car had another message painted on it, "In sight of angry eyes..." This struck me as a rhetoric at first, before I considered that the tanuki himself might have painted this masterpiece instead of commissioning it from a die-cast vendor. A note hung from the opposite side of the vehicle, "Jasper, I felt an artist's block and decided to use what you said to me at Homestead to paint this. Figured I would send it to ya. Merry Christmas. Call me any time you want." He wrote his number below, and in the same handwriting painted onto the car, "Your friend, Brandon Reese". Needless to say, I went from stressed to breathless.
The clock struck 1 before I found any time to myself. Typically, I was the one to wait up all night to get some moments alone, and I used this particular opportunity to boot up my laptop and log onto e-mail. Upon entering my inbox, I found an e-mail from none other than [email protected] I opened the e-mail and read it hastily, "Did you get my package?" I hesitated for a moment, looking down at his gift sitting next to me on the desk. Now, me and Brandon had shot e-mails back and forth the entire offseason, but he had never mentioned to me that he could paint! I hit the reply button and began to type.
Brandon,
You took a blank die-cast and turned it into something thatd make the official distributer jealous. Just... wow. I'm speechless, and thank you. Not just for the car, but for making me feel like my words actualy have some worth.
Your friend,
Jasper Erickson
Isn't my spelling atrocious? I hit send, and then crawled into bed, happy to have someone to call my friend.
I awoke the next morning to the shrill, joyful screams of two little girls. Eve and Shelley, of course. I ran my paw down my face, frustrated, and then rose from the bed. The clock read 7:46. I grumbled, as many acceptable sleep hours remained to be taken advantage of, but the girls didn't realize this. I thought I'd give them some insight, so I opened the door of the guest bedroom to find them all chasing the remote control helicopter which Austin was gliding through the house.
I found it kinda cute, but still wanted to sleep some more, "Guys... I'm tryin' to sleep... can you--"
"Sleep?!" My grandpa asked, as if he'd never heard the word.
I nodded tiredly at him.
"Well, we're about to start breakfast, and we could really use your help... but if you wanna, you can snooze for 45 minutes. I don't want you missing it again this year."
I sighed, "It's okay. I'll just freshen up upstairs and be right down."
He nodded and excused himself from the room back to the kitchen, from which a symphony of silverware and rummaging through drawers struck my ears.
I opened the shower curtain and took a tentative step into the steamy water. I inhaled as well as I could in the mist, and coughed once realizing I inhaled a little water. Lowering the temperature of the water slightly, I let it run down my fur, the curves of my body, and fall down into the tub and thereafter down the drain. After yesterday, it felt like heaven to just stand under the hot water.
I took a bar of lemon-scented soap and stepped out of the water to soap my body, running it all over. For some reason or another, my mind stood still on the thought of Brandon's gift and how sweet he was for giving it to me. For a second, the image of Brandon's naked body standing in front of me grooming himself appeared through pretense, but I shook my head and discarded it. I could not think like that about my competition on the track.
My lustful mind had other ideas, though. I soaped my crotch a little, and the thought appeared again. I let out a heavy sigh and shuddered at the feel. It had been a while for me, for sure.
I gently rested the soap on its holder and cupped my thumb and forefinger around my sheath, stroking the sensitive area ever-so gently. I leaned back against the shower wall as my erection began to grow from the fuzzy nub. I stroked it once and my entire body quaked in excitement.
I closed my eyes and breathed deep as I pawed myself, running my full rough pawpad over my cock gently, not wanting to be too rough after the few weeks of buildup.
The buildup proved to be quite tremendous, though. Usually I'm not one to pre during masturbation, but I leaked like a faucet this morning. With each pulse came a small gush of fluids. I could even smell my pent up musk over the soap now. Oh well, nothing resoaping wouldn't cover up.
I grabbed my balls and began to massage them as well, and my mind didn't stray to movie stars and male models like they usually did, but to Brandon Reese... to my competition. The idea felt so dangerous, so forbidden, and so unexplored that I passed it off as something that would never happen unless he came out to me before I did to him... because I knew I couldn't. Not in NAFSCAR.
The idea of him pawing off made me nearly whine in excitement and, in the end, it pretty much made my body give in. I moaned softly, eyes closed and body relaxed as my long-awaited climax shot from my pulsing cock in thick streams. I simply took all of it in, letting Brandon's face and body sit in my brain, and pretended he stood there, watching. But he vanished when I opened my eyes, panting and dizzy from the wonderful warmth of afterglow.
I opened the door to the bathroom, letting the steam pour out from the shower, the smell of water and soap filling the hall. I took a step out and re-entered the world. The smell of breakfast began to fill the air so I ran down the stairs, almost having forgotten that I was going to help with breakfast. I grabbed a quick cup of fresh coffee and gulped it down black, trying not to gag at the bitter flavor - the husky side of the family tended to make very strong coffee, whereas I preferred mine light.
I chopped some assorted fruit into a bowl, which took about twenty minutes, and once I had finished, most of the family had joined us; Jack the only one missing.
"Good morning, Liam." I said as he walked in, "Where's your dad?"
He seemed a little jittery, "Hung over."
"So he won't be joining us?" I didn't mean to sound happy about it, but I did.
The tall lynx, on the other hand, didn't hide his joy, "Luckily, nope. Need some help with something?"
I shook my head, "Just chopped some fruit for breakfast. They said we're starting at 9, and they also said there are a few more presents for the kids."
He scoffed, "Oh, joy. I got one for everyone as well." He spoke kinda flat on the second half of the statement, like he didn't want to say it.
We began breakfast without Jack, saying grace and beginning to eat. Conversing from around the table began, and soon only Liam and I were the ones remaining silent. In a sense, he seemed a bit similar to me, but an explanation showed itself soon enough.
"Ahem. Uh... guys! I have something to say! Can I get everyone's attention?" His deep voice echoed.
It took a moment to get everyone quiet, then Liam took the stage.
"Um... I've been kinda... wanting to say this for a while... but... I'm gay."
I took a quick inhale and faced him, holding it for a second before choking on it and coughing, "Woah... what?" I asked him, eyes wide. I didn't realize it, but nobody else spoke before I did.
"Well, there's nothing wrong with that." My grandma said.
"So?"
"You didn't have to wait. God still loves you, Liam."
I tried to think of something to say, "I... I-I agree." I managed. Could this actually be happening?! My cousin, who trailed me by four years, beating me on the people-I've-come-out-to scoreboard?! No way I could do what he had just done, but I could at least talk to him after breakfast about it. He obviously knew a few things I did not.
He laughed as one of my cousins patted him on the back. His ears were back and his face was red, but he seemed to be holding his composure pretty well for someone who just came out to his entire family.
"How long have you known that?" My youngest aunt asked.
"Uh... about a year. Maybe a little longer." He answered graciously, "Oh, and guys... don't tell Jack."
Everyone understood that.
Immediately after we were excused from the breakfast table, I followed him to the living room and tugged on his shirt, "Li-Liam... can I have a word with you in private?" I asked as nicely as I could.
"Sure." He seemed pretty upbeat compared to earlier this morning. Pretty obvious why.
We both went upstairs to his room and he sat down at his computer chair. I sat on the bed, "Um..." I couldn't believe the words in my mouth, but I had to say it to get it started. Your turn, Jasper. My body tensed and my mouth went dry, "I... I'm gay too." I whispered. My ears fell back and my breathing quickened. It felt like hell saying it... but then it was over, and I was met with a shocked gaze from Liam.
"Y-you?" He pointed at me, jaw falling slack, "I... oh my God, how didn't I see it earlier?!" He slapped his face.
"It's okay." I told him, "I... kinda didn't want anyone to know."
He laughed, "Wow..." He whispered, "I guess I'm not alone then, huh?"
Still shaken from what I'd said, I couldn't really respond.
"Jasper... do... do you need a hug?" He sounded sincere, "Like... really?"
I took a breath and nodded, my eyes closed, "I... can't believe I just told someone that." He embraced me tight, paws patting my back, "But I got nothin' on you. I'm like four years older and I got nothing to show. Heh."
The hug felt good. It was something I had not gotten the opportunity to do much driving in NAFSCAR. It felt good to know someone stood by me.
"Don't doubt yourself, J." He assured me, "You've got your work cut out for you, though."
I looked up at him, "Whatcha mean?"
He sighed, "I... don't want to scare ya. But... someday... it's gonna get out."
I shook my head, "Not a chance in hell if I continue my act."
He towered over me and laughed, "Jasper, you're not a good actor."
I stood up in front of him, "Oh, should I work on my finesse?" I asked facetiously as I swished across his room.
He laughed, "No, no. But... just look at you, J. You are on national television every week. Forty million furs watch the Daytona 500 every year. If you ever get a boyfriend, Jasper..." He shook his head, "Well... I won't discourage you, it's been done before. But just be careful please. You're... apparently all I got." He shrugged.
My tail flicked back and forth on his bed, excited. We talked for a good two hours about it! He definitely had more experience than me, and his friends at school all knew, but damn did he have confidence! For a taller kid, I'd expect it though. We both hugged again and my Christmas wishes had all come true; someone to back me up. Someone who knew.
I flew home to Lakeway early in the morning on the 27th on a tight schedule, having extended my stay a little long; gather everything I needed, catch my 4 o-clock to New York City, and catch a cab to the Civic Center where the awards ceremony took place. At this point, my mind focused on my impending public speech, and I shuddered at the thought. Not as much as what happened with Liam and I, but it still sent a chill through me. I hated speaking in general, let alone public speaking.
It turned out alright, though. Once I overcame the initial fright of being on stage in front of a hundred people, it turned into a cake walk. Turned out my team scripted my speech, and I just had to speak into a microphone while reading off a teleprompter. Cheesy speech, but it got the job done.
I spent New Year's eve on an online chat with Louis, utilizing a Voice-over IP program to see and hear each other. I gazed from my couch out the multi-story window on the far side of my living room over the lake to Brooks Hollow and Point Venture. As midnight struck, I could see fireworks launch from every direction out of my window and recorded it with my cell phone camera. I could even see the fireworks from downtown Austin light up the sky in the distance and illuminate my house, ringing in the new year with reds, blues, greens, and yellows from across the entire skyline.
"Dude, you wouldn't believe this!" I screamed toward the computer microphone.
"Well, don't worry! I got plenty on my end too!" He affirmed with his deep voice, "Nice show this year."
"Same here." It didn't take long before I heard a duo of beeps indicating someone waited on the other line. I ran over to the computer, not wanting to miss the show, and told Louis that I'd be right back.
Brandon answered. Now, before I could even think about how he obtained my chat address, I answered giddily, "Brandon!"
"J!" He cried out into his microphone, "Happy 2010, buddy!"
"Thanks! Same to you! Wish you were here to see the lightshow out my freakin window."
"Aww I wish I was too. I'm on a plane headed to Miami for a Barepaw Wines commercial shooting, and before that we're doing a New Year's promotion going on the air today during Good Morning America." He sounded pretty dejected when I told him about the fireworks.
"Damn! Busy guy. So you're on a plane right now?"
"Yeah. Oh, and David Creisman and I have been hitting it off. He gave me your chat address, incase you were wondering."
"Ahh." I didn't really remember giving David my address, but obviously I did at some point. I barely knew the guy. "You gotta be seeing some nice fireworks from up there."
"None at all. I'm on an aisle seat and the rabbit next to the window has seizures from sudden light, so he's got the shutter down." He spoke quietly. I could hear the whirring of the plane engine in the background.
"Oh, of all the damned luck!" I said.
"So... what'd you think?"
"Of what?" A large yellow firework made me turn my head and look as lights from it swirled and dissipated in all directions. I could hear some incoherent yelling from my neighbors.
"The car, man." He sounded so eager for an answer I could almost hear him foaming at the mouth.
"Dude... I assume you didn't get the e-mail. There are no words." I hoped he could hear the smile in my voice, "I put it in the center of my glass case where I display my collectibles."
"For security reasons, my agent Lenny doesn't want me interacting with my personal e-mail while the media's dogging me. He said I have to have a team e-mail that he can log into before I can use it again. But thanks a lot man! I really mean it!" He sounded like it really did mean something to him, just as it meant something to me that he made it in the first place.
"No way, thank you! You painted that car for me, after all."