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James was cheating on me. I awoke on early Friday morning with those thoughts on my mind and unable to savor the feel of the warm covers wrapped around me or the fact that tomorrow started my weekend. The emptiness in the bed beside me was like a silent rebuke to the stark fact that my partner was cheating on me. It made the sun filtering in through the window seem abominably cheerful and out of sorts with how I felt. I stared up at the patterns on the ceiling as I let the depression wrap around me like a second skin. Did he ever bring his other lover to our bed? Did they mock me while they made love or did the other man simply not know? Perhaps they turned the pictures of the two of us face down or perhaps they simply let my smiling face watch. Did another man stare at the ceiling or muffle his cries against my pillow? I felt my vision waver slightly as tears threatened to roll over and moved the palms of my hand up to push them away.

The electronic beeping of the alarm clock was the only thing that made me give up my morose thoughts and I forced myself to hit the button off before sliding out of the bed. James had left far earlier in the morning. I'd been awake when he left. He'd had a restless night and his dreams had made the bed rock while I strove to feign sleep. After he left I'd managed to fall into dreams that were less than restful and did nothing to take yesterday's conversations away from my mind. I padded across the bedroom floor and towards the bathroom. It seemed almost funny that I would still get out of bed and still go about my daily routine, but still I managed to do it. The entire time I could almost hear my friends' voices telling me the same hard truths that they'd imparted the day before. I almost hated them for that. Perhaps ignorance would have at least allowed me to have happiness. I wouldn't have to pretend that I didn't know what was going on behind my back. In my house.

"Rich, love, you know I care for you right?" Monica had gripped my hands and stared into my eyes as we sat down for dinner. He'd been invited out with what James affectionately called my fag hags. Well I couldn't help it that I preferred women for friends. Most gay men seemed to want one thing out of life and I was devoted to my partner. The girls from my work were always happy to take me out to the movies or have afternoon drinks.

"Oh dear, is this where I tell you that we can just be friends?" I teased and got a smattering of laughter, but Monica's hands didn't let go of my own.

"As if I'd want a scrawny guy like you." She gave a soft chuckle of amusement before she turned serious. "I wanted to talk to you about James. We all did."

"What about him?" I managed to sneak my hands out from under Monica's with a smile still on my face before taking a drink of my beer. Fall was the best time for beer, at least in my opinion. Then again, I'd always preferred the darker brews.

"He's going away this weekend?" Crystal chimed in and put a questioning lilt on her statement that made me frown. "You know he is. The last good weather for fishing and he wanted to put the cabin to rights in case next month turns cold." I tried to puzzle out their meanings and then snorted, "We are not surprising him. He gets touchy with his "alone" time."

"That's..that's not what we meant." Crystal looked over at Monica almost pleadingly before sighing. "What we wanted to talk to you about was, well. He goes camping a lot doesn't he?"

"Of course." I took another drink and started to feel irritated. "Just out with it, you guys are pussy footing around everything today."

"Alright. He's always leaving for a few days. Every few weeks he's off again for a long weekend or a business trip in the middle of the week." Monica stopped to take a long drink almost as if she were bracing herself. "I think he's cheating on you."

"What?!" I let some of my incredulousness come out in my voice as I leaned forward to stare at the pair of them. "Because he travels? And likes the outdoors. Darlings, I'd know if he was cheating on me. And I hate camping or I'd go with him."

"Rich..." Crystal gave me a long pitying glance that made me stiffen and feel a touch of anger. "I know one of the guys in his firm. I was dating him for a little bit-"

"I know and the asshole ended up dumping you for that intern. James told me and he told you! Remember how upset he was about it? I thought he was going to drag that kid out onto the streets." I had started to feel defensive.

"Yeah, but before that. I mentioned about some of James' trips and well..." Crystal glanced at Monica and sighed. "He's not going out-of-town for business. He asks for days off and just takes off. He tells folks you two need some alone time together. Last month he said he was going to take you out to the beach before the end of summer. I know he didn't, I remember because you were here and complaining about how empty the house was. I think he's using it as an excuse to hook up with someone."

The world had seemed to fall out from under me as Crystal's worlds burned themselves into my mind. I couldn't deny them; he'd been gone last month on a trip out to North Carolina he said. He'd even brought me back some salt water taffy that I enjoyed. I'd been happy for him; I knew he didn't like New York that much especially since we lived in the city. We always had a bit of contention between us because I enjoyed city life quite a bit and I'd conceded that he could get a cabin a few hours north in upstate New York. I thought about all the other times he'd gone out camping or on a business trip. At least once a month he was gone and always on another trip even in the winter. Most of the time it was in winter that he had business trips. Was that only because he couldn't use the camping excuse?

I'd gripped my drink and gave a firm denial that it was possible. James had always been faithful and caring. I'd lucked out the day I'd met him and I wasn't going to spoil it. Both Monica and Crystal had laid out more evidence. They'd talked to a few people in his firm about his time off and they cited exact dates. I know they knew when he went out-of-town, but they knew the dates he'd asked for off exactly. They fell evenly every three or four weeks. I'd left dinner before they'd even delivered mine and stumbled out of the restaurant. My appetite had left me. I wanted to deny it. I wanted to find plausible reason for why he couldn't possibly do this to me. The fact that I couldn't do more than think he wouldn't do such a thing just made it all the more likely. When I'd reached home I found his bags packed next to the door as if a silent insult and James had been sprawled out on the couch watching a fishing show. I'd managed to swallow my doubts as I sat down next to him and pretended to watch the show.

"Why don't you stay home? You can go next month?" The words had come out unwillingly and my partner had glanced at me in amusement.

James was everything I had ever wanted in a lover. He was darkly built with thick black hair and equally dark eyes. He stood just over six feet tall, but he didn't have a lanky feel about him. He was solidly built and I knew intimately just how muscled he was beneath his shirt. For all of his muscle he was a graceful mover and the times I could convince him to dance were some of my best memories of him. It made me want to stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and just be quiet. I didn't want to confront this; I wanted him to stay here. I studied the curve of his nose and the goatee that framed his supple lips. Even upset I still felt the urge to shave it off. The bristles had always annoyed me when we kissed. Did his lover mind them? I forced those thoughts away as he had leaned over to pull me in to rest against his side. The powerful arm rested over my shoulder making our near foot height difference more apparent.

"We're supposed to get a cold snap; I want to get the place closed up tight in case we get some snow." His voice was a deep rumble against my ear. "You know how the weathers been lately and I'm pretty sure the hurricane we had come through did some damage."

"Go next weekend then or better yet I'll go with you!" I offered almost frantically. I didn't want to go out into the middle of nowhere, but anything to find denial in the girls' accusations. I waited, and held by breath, for him to accept my offer with surprise, but happiness. Instead he laughed deep in his throat.

"I know you, we'd get half way there and you'd been crying for a good hotel." His goatee had rubbed my short hair as he kissed my head. "Enjoy some time alone, why not have your girls over? I'll be back Monday morning."

"I'd like to go, I've never been there you know. I'm sure we can think of some way to..entertain ourselves." I put a suggestive tone to my voice as I rubbed my cheek back and forth against the warm smoothness of his shirt.

"Uh-uh. I know what you have in mind and then we'll be having this same talk next month when I need to get work done." James had tilted his head down to look at me, but I kept my eyes on the inane sports show. I didn't want him to see the tears that were threatening to well up. "What's gotten into you, hmm?" "Oh, nothing. Just missing you I guess." I put lightness in my voice as I pulled myself away. "I'm going to head to bed early. We're having an AM meeting tomorrow. Want to do breakfast?"

"Sorry, sweetness, I have to get outta here before dawn if I want to take care of things at the office and head out. We'll do breakfast Monday morning okay?" James had lifted his arm and I'd slid out from it. I tried not to run as I padded into the master bedroom with tears rolling down my face. As I stared at myself in the mirror in the early morning light I forced the tears back to hide inside of me.

"You're better than this." I told my reflection fiercely and then moved out of the bathroom to get dress. I was better than this.

I spent most of my day in a daze. We had a big deal coming up on rewiring and installing new software on a multi-billion dollar company. I managed to present my mock up, but I knew I wasn't at my best. I hoped that the partners who had come to review it put it down to the fact I was a tech manager and not trained in advertisement. The sick feeling in my stomach never left, not even when I went out to lunch and forced myself to eat a cold cut sandwich at a nearby deli. Everything I did reminded me that I would go home to an empty house while my partner enjoyed an evening with another man. My mind came up with vivid and erotic images of what they would do together. Perhaps even laugh at how gullible I was. By the time I was at my desk in the late afternoon anger had started to settle in place of despair. I wasn't a mewling coward to take this laying down.

"Hey Monica!" I called out and watched as her blonde head popped up from the corner of the room amidst a pile of computer parts.

"Yeah?" I stood up and stretched until I felt my back cracking. I tried to make the movement nonchalant as I walked over to look over the mess.

"Do you think you can keep an eye on things here? I think I'm going to head out for the afternoon." I kept my voice light and casual, but I watched her eyes darken in sympathy.

"Listen, Rich...we just care about you, okay? I'm sor-" She started and I shook my head before glancing around. Bad enough my closest friends knew about my idiocy. I didn't need it getting out any further.

"No worries. I'm going to go check on James. I think we're due to get a storm tonight and I know that cabin isn't in the best repair." I tried for light, but even to my ears I heard the threat in my voice. Monica's face went blank with astonishment before nodding.

"If that's what you think is best. You want me to grab Crystal? We don't mind keeping you company for the drive." Monica was a smart girl. That's part of why I loved having her as a friend. Though the idea of this being witnessed by both of them was intolerable even as it appealed to my need for support.

"I don't think so. Besides, if everything's fine up there I don't want James laughing at me for being a city slicker." I hinted at a tease before waving at her and heading out of the office. One way or another I would find an answer to my question. One way or another I'd know the truth.

It took a bit of time to pack my bags up. I wasn't packing for just a weekend; instead I packed everything I'd need for a week or even two. If things went bad I didn't want to come back to our shared apartment. At least not alone. I could stay at Crystal's house despite the fact her cats seemed fascinated with all of my dark clothing. If it went fine then I could say I hadn't known what I needed to go out camping in the woods. James would laugh at me, but if everything was fine it was a laugh I was willing to take. I'd even put up with the cabin and the woods if things would just work out. I loaded up the car and by the time I set out it was nearly seven PM. Now I don't care what anyone says about New York rush hour, but it doesn't magically stop at five thirty. Cars were backed up with not just people leaving work, but people heading out for the weekend. The drive out of the city took me nearly two hours and by the end I was frustrated and hot enough that I'd flipped the AC on.

Once out of the city the darkness seemed to loom around my car. The headlights cut through it, but the further I got away the more the darkness seemed to grow. Aside from the full moon and some street lamps on the interstate it was as dark as I'd ever seen it. At first it was an experience driving along with only a few other cars joining me on the road, but after an hour and a half it got old and I felt frustrated. I hated driving at the best of times and speeding towards the mountain cabin to find out of James was entertaining a lover was certainly not the best of times. It was a relief when I peeled off onto a state route and started to make my way into the foot hills of the mountains. Here it was a bit harder. There were no street lights and the road twisted and turned at an ever increasing angle. The trees became thicker and the lights of the houses became more distant and sporadic.

The first time I'd come this way and one of the few times James had driven and spent the entire time pointing out the thick forests and excitedly talked about getting his hunting license. I'd nodded, but was secretly grateful when he settled on fishing as a pastime. I'd seen Bambi one too many times to want to know my partner was out reenacting the movie. Or worse, bringing home whatever he killed. I was very much a person who preferred my meat cooked or packaged in the super market. With those thoughts I slowed the car to keep an eye out for deer that might leap across the road as I edged my car onto a gravel road away from the main. I was suddenly glad I'd chosen an SUV despite the fact it ate far too much gas and hippies often made snide comments.

For the first time the silver beast of a vehicle groaned onto dips in the road and barely covered gravel. I winced each time I bounced in the seat and the tires dropped into ditches, but I resolutely continued forward. If James' truck could get through here, so could mine. It seemed like forever until I struck yet another road that led up into some trees. This one was simply mud and rolled over grass, but my car groaned upwards. About half way up I flicked the head lights off and relied on the silver moonlight to get me through the darkened road. When I caught sight of the silver truck I stopped my car entirely and turned it off. For a moment I stared at my hands as they gripped the wheels and then looked up at the cabin under the moonlight. There was no light in it, but James' truck was parked right out front. I took some hope in the fact that there were no other vehicles as I carefully opened the door and slipped out.

The September air was warm against my skin as I walked up the dirt road towards the cabin proper. I cursed myself mentally every step of the way. And I cursed Monica and Crystal. I'd probably find him sound asleep and exhausted, sleeping alone. If I was lucky I'd be able to slip away before he knew how stupid I was being and if I wasn't, well perhaps I could make him forget that I'd shown up here with a bit of attention. At least then he'd think I'd done it for a reason other than accusing him of cheating on me. The sight of his truck parked in the moonlight made me want to believe him. There was only his truck. The part of me that had spent the last day doubting if he was true to me chimed in that he could have simply picked up his lover and drove here. With a sigh I made my way up to the cabin and onto the porch.

I froze when my boot encountered a loose board, but nothing stirred. I didn't hear anything in the cabin, not even the sound of James snoring. I edged my way up to the window that would open up into the bedroom, drew a deep breath and peered inside. It was dark, but the pale green alarm clock on the side of the bed gave off some light. The bed was perfectly made and undisturbed. James wasn't in it. No one else was in it. I frowned, but then made my way to the living room window to see if I'd see him and possibly someone else asleep on the couch. No one. I could see James' bags tucked to one side of the couch and they were unopened. His business clothing was folded neatly on the arm of the couch, but he wasn't there. Why wasn't he in the cabin? It was nearing midnight! I glanced out over the area the cabin overlooked and caught the ripple of moonlight on water. The lake.

I smiled to myself and almost laughed as I realized he was probably out fishing for cat fish. It was a good night for it. He'd probably gotten up here and couldn't resist. There was no one else. I felt dizzy with relief as I slipped off the porch and made my way down along the road towards my car. He probably took days off for 'business' trips to come up here and enjoy the good weather. If he would have told me that's what he was doing I would have probably been upset at him using up all his vacation time. That's why he hadn't told me what he was doing. I felt ashamed, but relieved. I hadn't seen him and he hadn't seen me. That meant this could all stay a secret and when I got back I was going to tell Monica and Crystal a thing or two about keeping their noses in their own lives. They had gotten me worked up over nothing at all.

I stepped down the dirt road still laughing softly to myself in relief when something moved across the pale dirt. I froze in a moment of pure shock as something dark and massive stood between me and the car. The fur made it seem larger and a pair of eyes gleamed in the moonlight as it looked towards me and let out a soft rumble in its throat. Even in the moonlight I couldn't mistake what it was. I'd watched enough Discovery Channel and enough movies to know what a wolf looked like, but nothing could prepare me for the size. I'd always expected them to look small like a husky; instead the creature loomed as large as a pony in a petting zoo. The triangle shaped ears were pricked forward and the moon gave a bluish tinge to the silver tipped fur that coated its body. As it lowered its head I watched the moonlight strike it until the eyes flashed a pale blue-green glow. It was nearly fifteen feet away and in front of my car.

I don't remember what made me run, but run I did. The moment it let out a snort I bolted into the bushes like a rabbit. Some part of my mind screamed to stop running, that thing could chase me down in a minute! I knew I should have climbed a tree, but the primal part of my mind yammered in terror at the wild animal I had just witnessed. James never mentioned wolves living up here! JAMES! James would have a gun; he always had a pistol with him when he went out hunting. You never knew when you'd meet poachers or something; it made me feel safer that he was alone. I tried to remember what direction the lake was as I imagined I could feel hot breath against my back. I made a guess and veered to the side when my leading foot suddenly encountered nothing but air. I let out a shriek as my other leg twisted slightly, sending pain running up my hip before I tumbled over the sharp incline.

Only luck saved me from falling down the rocks all the way to the bottom of the hill. My fingers dug in against the rocks desperately as debris tumbled down. My left leg throbbed with pain as my feet kicked in empty air and then scrabbled against the rocks and loose soil to try and get a good hold on them. I could see the edge of the cliff above me, but as I reached up for it I had to put my weight on my right foot and, with a horrible realization upon doing so, I felt the rock give way. It clattered down from the soil and I listened as it fell. I'd hoped it would only clatter a little ways. That I was overreacting and I'd just fallen down a dry creek bed. Instead I heard it echoing as it fell lower and lower. I drew in a breath and dug my fingers harder against the rocks and sought for better purchase with my feet. They kicked and scrambled against loose soil that rolled down the hill. I couldn't get a good grip!

"HELP! HEEEEEEEELP!" The words were torn from my lips before I could stop them. They shrieked out over the valley. "JAMES! HELLLLLLP!"

I stopped screaming only long enough to try and use my arms to pull me up, but when I reached for another hold I just found wet soil under my fingertips. Even when I dug them into the soil and tried to use that as a brace it failed. A spill of dirt ran down on my face as my arms trembled with the effort to hold me up. My breathing was loud even to my own ears while I tried to figure out how to get out of this. I didn't want to die like this. Wouldn't this be the way? Falling down a cliff when I'd done my damnedest to stay out of the woods! I was nearly ready to cry when I heard movement above me and my heart lifted in my chest. I would take any mockery, any anger, if only James would get me out of this. I didn't care anymore that I felt embarrassed for doubting him! I'd admit it and gladly! I tried to crane my head back to look up at the edge of the cliff.

"James! James! Thank God! Down here, help me up! I think I'm slipping!" My words fell out in a rush, but the last of them came out in a strangled voice as my 'rescuer's' head blocked out the star light.

The wolf stared down at me with the thick ruff of fur standing out along the heavy neck and shoulders. The triangle shaped ears were pricked down towards me and hope died inside of me. I was going to die. Either the wolf was going to try and kill me for food or I was going to fall onto the rocks. It was only a matter of choosing which way I wanted to die. Above me I heard a series of soft whines and snarls as the head shifted and soil tumbled down onto my head. The creature paced back and forth while occasionally darting its head down closer to me. I couldn't tear my eyes away as it came closer to my hands. Close up I could see the white that lined beneath its muzzle and the darker speckling of color along the top of its head. The beast was huge and it started to wriggle its front portion over the edge of the cliff and towards me. It came so close I could feel hot breath rushing against my hands as the pale forelegs slipped onto the soil bracing itself.

I started to wonder if I had the strength to let go of the rocks. Dying quickly would be better than feeling those teeth on my throat. I could all too easily imagine another fate. One where it started at my hands and ate its way downwards. I muffled a groan in my throat just as the wolf's head darted down hard and fast. The pain erupted around my left wrist worse than anything I could imagine. The fangs pierced my skin and tore into the muscle; they scraped over bone until warm blood flowed down my forearm all the way to the curve of my shoulder. I screamed out in pain and let go of my other hand until horribly I hung from the beast's jaws. Even my 120 pound frame hanging from its teeth made the beast release me. Instead it pulled harder and harder as I was dragged up along the rocks and soil. They pulled at my clothes as tacky blood flowed from my injured hand.

Suddenly my chest pressed against grass and solid ground and the creature gave a sudden forceful pull that drew my entire torso onto the grass before letting go of my wrist. I scrambled away from the edge of the cliff and held my wrist close to my body while rocking forward around it. My breath came out hoarsely as I felt the pain throbbing along the wound and only had the stomach to glance at it before squeezing my eyes closed again. No man should look down and see bone and muscle exposed like that. Tears squeezed out of the corner of my eyes as I waited for the wolf to lunge in and finish me. But it never came. After what seemed like an eternity I opened my eyes and found the patch of grass in front of the cliff empty. Only a few clawed up parts of the grass showed where the wolf had been. I was alive.

I can't say I remember the rest of the night all that clearly. I have flashes of it, as if I were in a fever dream. I know I stumbled back to the cabin and tore through it to find the medical kit so I could wrap my bitten wrist up in. I also knew that I screamed myself almost mute trying to get James to come back to the cabin. In terror I realized that the reason I must have been left alive is the wolf had probably already killed James. Somehow I got into my car and drove home. I don't know why I didn't stop sooner. I know I passed several hospitals on my way down the state route, but I didn't stop. I remember sobbing as I drove and realizing that James must be dead by now. My body ached and my left leg felt as if it were on fire each time I tried to shift it around. My wrist throbbed in time with my heart beat, but I somehow managed to get to the hospital just as the morning traffic had started to pick up.

Once I was there I knew I was bad because I stumbled into the crowded ER and nurses surrounded me before pulling me into the back. Some part of me knew that I should have filled out paper work and waited to be assessed, the fact they'd descended on me immediately let me know what state I was in. I could barely give my name, but thankfully I didn't have to. My wallet was in my pants pocket and one of the nurses took it away almost immediately. To my relief they gave me a pain reliever that made the world seem almost distant and faded away. Everything seemed to float and I couldn't remember why I was crying. They kept asking me what had attacked me. Was it a dog? Where had it happened? A nice police man came to ask me about the attack and what kind of dog it was. They kept showing me pictures of pit bulls, and when I told them it was a giant wolf the man just shook his head and said he'd get my statement later.

No one believed me when I told them the wolf had eaten my partner. I tried to get the police man to understand that James had been killed by it. I babbled over and over, but he wouldn't listen. None of them would listen to me. They ignored it and told me that my wrist was horribly damaged. They wanted me to give them my emergency contact because I wasn't in the right state of mind to make a decision. That's when I knew they were debating taking my hand. Nothing else could have given me the cold shock to pull away from the high of the drugs and my feverish mind. I managed to convey Monica's name and number, and then Crystal's. They'd be home and they wouldn't let them take my hand. The next injection in my IV made the world slowly fade away. It was almost a relief to escape my sobbing body.

In my dreams a wolf raised his blood coated muzzle and howled at the setting moon...

"God damn you, let me in!" The voice bellowed out like an enraged bull. It was deep and thundered the command in a way that let me know James was angry. Very very angry.

"...recovering...let him....all your fault!" The words were softer and female. Crystal? Yes it would be Crystal. She'd helped me get home after they stitched up my hand. I remembered that.

"I said, let me in! He's my lover and you can get out of my house!" The words sounded like thunder in my aching skull. Why was James angry?

The knowledge of why rushed through my drug addled mind like a train. The last few days had been caked with hallucinations and faces looking in on me. I had woken up in the hospital bed with my hand still intact and an enraged Monica demanding to know what James had done to me. The wolf. The woods. I'd tried to tell her James was dead, but she'd gotten upset and disgusted that I'd lie to her and to protect him! Crystal had come. I remembered coming home and her soft hands tucking me into the guest room. I'd started having fits when she tried to put me into the main bed room. Since then I'd slept on and off recovering and deep in the throes of the pain meds the doctors had prescribed to me. Another dream then. James wasn't there. He was dead. The wolf had eaten him and had almost gotten me too. Oh James... "M'sorry.." I mumbled the words as I curled up tighter around my bandaged hand. "M'so sorry, James."

"RICH!" His voice was so loud it sounded like it was real. I heard Crystal let out a short sound of dismay before impossibly warm strong arms pulled me up in the bed. "Rich? Rich sweety?"

"James? G'way, yer dead.." My voice sounded strange even to me, but it was answered by a manic laugh and the feel of someone gently rocking me back and forth.

"Open your eyes, sunshine. I'm okay, I'm okay. Oh God, James, I was terrified when I got the voice mails! And then when Crystal..." He trailed off and the voice suddenly hardened. "I would never hurt him. Ever."

I opened my eyes and found my James staring down at me. His arms were wrapped tightly around my body and his head leaned in close to press his forehead against my own. It was such a gentle touch, but it was real. I felt the warmth of his body and his after shave on his skin. He was alive! I moved my good hand up and pressed it against his chest and then up to his cheek. It was rough where he hadn't shaved, but it seemed like a dream. All my nightmares had shown me James torn apart by the wolf, but here he was alive! I let out a choked laugh and tried to shift in the bed to sit up. He helped me and I saw Crystal standing in the door way with her eyes red from crying. She looked angry, but not at me. She was glaring at James as if she wanted to hit him. She thought he'd done this to me! The argument before suddenly made sense.

"Crystal..I'm okay." I made the words stronger and shifted before glancing down at my wrist. "I thought..I got to the cabin and there was this big wolf.."

"God damned shepherd dog.." James growled at the words and I shivered slightly remembering the soft growl of the creature. "I told Monica and I told Crystal. A bunch of hooligans have the cabin down the hill from me and this big ass dog. They let it run all over the place and it's vicious!"

"Dog? No, it was a wolf. All big 'n silver 'n like a pony.." My words came out slowly as I felt slightly light headed.

"It was a dog." James leaned down and kissed my forehead gently. "Only a city slicker like you would think a dog was a wolf."

"Yeah.." I trailed off. I knew I had questions about where he had been, but the drugs made it seem as if it didn't matter.

"I still don't buy it." Crystal's voice was hard and cool. "I'm going home, but Monica's coming over later to check on him." James didn't reply, but I felt him nod. I don't think he cared one way or another. He wasn't cheating on me, he never had. I can't believe I thought he had been. I should have had more faith. I should have known that he wouldn't leave me. I blinked my eyes and watched as he shifted from my side and pulled the covers up snugly. His hand hesitated at my bandaged hand and my wavering vision made it look like his fingers were shaking. He was back, nothing bad would happen. As he puttered around the room and I heard him filling a glass with water and felt another cover added to me I let the drugs drag me under again. The nightmarish dreams of his body torn into pieces faded away to the dreams of running. Always running. Running through the forest as I had the night I'd met the wolf. They were almost peaceful in their own way.

The days after the accident went from blissful enjoyment of having James alive, to a strange tension that filled each of our days. My hand healed swiftly and well. Even the doctors were surprised when they took the stitches off. Apparently when I'd stumbled into the hospital veins had been torn and bone crushed at the back of my hand. They had the admitting doctor's paperwork advising partial amputation of my fingers. By the time they'd found Monica and she'd come rushing down, they'd found out it wasn't as bad as that. Though they'd warned her that I wouldn't have full range of my fingers. Three weeks later I could bend and curl my fingers as easily as I had before it happened. It still ached sometimes, but no nerve damage. My leg thankfully had only been badly wrenched. I only had to take two weeks off of work to recover before I was up and about. James wasn't cheating on me. It should have been back to normal, but it wasn't.

James was quiet and moody. He was caring and almost tender to a fault when it came to me. He made sure I had my pills when I needed them. He started to cook large meals for dinner and breakfast rather than order out like we normally did. He went grocery shopping and insisted on driving me around. But he wasn't the same. I'd find him staring at me sometimes for long intense moments when I was eating. His eyes would be narrowed and he'd put his fork down. At first I blamed it on the fact that I was eating far heartier then I used to. I'd always been a bit vain about my trim body and as such had preferred to eat more vegetables than meat. Now I found myself loving the taste of maple sausage each morning and the salty crisp of bacon. Meals of ribs or roast were sublime. So what if I took extra portions of meat each meal? I was healing!

Then I'd caught him watching me when I was sleeping and I felt more uneasy. I'd been dreaming one night as I always did. Most of the time they were vivid dreams that had never left me once I was off the pain killers. I'd obviously been tossing and turning in my sleep because when I finally opened my eyes I found the covers twisted around my legs and two pillows thrown on the floor. James hadn't been in the bed next to me. Instead when I opened my eyes I found him sitting on the corner chair watching me with a strange intensity. The moment I woke up he had turned his head and stretched before telling me I was a restless sleeper lately. If I hadn't been so sleep fogged I would have been quicker to ask why his cheeks were wet. It was only when I woke up that I thought about it and dismissed it as another product of my dreams.

October went by with James being a constant tense presence in the house and often times insisted on coming with me when I went out to eat or to see a movie. Even if he didn't like the movie in question. I'd only gotten privacy to talk to Monica and Crystal at work. While Monica didn't seem to believe James' excuse about the dog, Crystal seemed more willing to accept it. Other than that, my steps were followed by my partner until I chafed at it. It was like he was afraid I was going to break or another dog would attack me. I finally had to convince myself it was just a dog. I thought it had been silly of me to even think it was a wolf. I even though that James would share the joke, but he never did. Even when I jested about it he changed the subject. It was like I was living with a brooding ghost sometimes and I began to look forward to Halloween weekend when he had plans to go up to the cabin. It would be a relief to be away from his gaze for a while.

"Pack a bag." James walked into the living room where I was tapping away on my lap top. The short brusque tone shocked me.

"Pardon me?" I kept my voice civil. It wasn't the first time James had seemed angry at something lately, though he didn't direct it at me I was careful not to provoke it. I sometimes thought he was angry the dog had gotten me.

"Pack a bag. You're coming with me to the cabin." He lifted his own heavy bag before placing it next to the door.

"I don't think so, dearheart. I'm going to spend Halloween handing out treats to the kiddies and heading to the company party with Crystal." I grinned slightly, "I have the most fantastic costume."

"No, you're not. We're going camping. Pack a bag, please." The words were clipped and I watched as he crossed his arms over his chest as if he were hugging himself. "We need to head out in a little bit."

"I think I've had enough of the wilderness to last a lifetime, James." I rubbed my scarred wrist and felt a dull twinge. I was grateful it had healed so cleanly and I had no wish to bump into the dog that had given it to me.

"That's why we're going up. You need to be more comfortable out of the city." He moved a hand up to rub his goatee in a nervous gesture. "I promise nothing will bother you up there. Not with me around."

"James, please..I know I wasn't supposed to fol-" I started the conversation as I had a dozen times this month. I tried to tell him why I'd followed him. The fact I doubted him stood between us like an immovable barrier, but I never got past the first few words. He overrode them so quickly it made me wonder if he just didn't want to know. If he had made a story up in his own head why I had been up there. "Bag, mister. I'll tell Crystal we're going camping, because God knows if I don't she'll have SWAT after us." He tried to make a joke of it, but it came out flat as his eyes searched my face. They looked wounded and almost as if he was fighting back tears.

"Please, dear heart, I'm not feeling well. Honestly. I think I have a fever." I tried my last gambit, though it was true. Last night I'd felt so hot that I'd kicked the AC on for the first time since September. Even James lying next to me had made me feel overheated so I'd gone to the guest room. Even now I felt flushed, but then again I'd always been prone to flushing.

"No excuses, Rich, I'm not going to lose you." James' lips tightened and something like pain flickered over his face. "I came too close once already." He'd played the only card he could that would get me to cave. And cave I did.

The drive to the cabin wasn't nearly as long as it had been the last time I made it, but it seemed longer when I wasn't the one driving it. James drove in almost complete silence with his knuckles slightly white on the wheel of the truck. I tried several times to jolly him out of his mood with jokes or conversation to which he'd answer, but soon grow silent again. He didn't seem angry, only upset and I felt dread in the pit of my stomach. Was he finally going to tell me he knew what I'd come up there to see? That he was breaking up with me? My stomach turned slightly, but I argued with myself that he had never been the sort of person to break up with his partner and leave them stranded in the woods. I argued internally the entire drive until I was even half convinced of it myself as we pulled up the dirt road in the setting sunset. He was just taking me up here to make sure that I wasn't scared of the woods, he was probably worried I'd never let him come here again.

James took our bags into the cabin with me following timidly after as night fall came down around us. The woods smelled welcoming and almost inviting as I stepped onto the porch and into the cabin itself. By comparison the cabin seemed small and cramped. The walls closed in around me as I closed the front door and watched as James set the bags down in the exact same spot I'd seen his bag a month ago. The cabin wasn't warm, it wasn't heated when we weren't there, but he made no move to turn on the heat or even start a fire as he stared down at the bags. I could see the muscles on the back of his neck tense slightly as he rubbed his fingers against his pants in several quick almost violent gestures. I shifted slightly behind him as I tried to figure out what I could say to break the silence when he did it himself.

"I'm sorry." The words were slightly choked. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen and not to you, Rich."

"For what?" Shock colored my voice as I walked towards him and he moved his hands up to scrub his face rapidly.

"For all of this. I should have known you'd come up here some time. I was stupid. I was an idiot." He turned to look at me and his dark eyes watered slightly. I stepped forward to hug him, but he pulled away. "I should have never dated you, let alone moved in with you." "James!" I felt my throat tighten. Oh God he was going to break up with me here. Had I been right all along? I forced the next words out around a lump in my throat. "Who is it? I-I didn't see anyone else where, but if you're going to meet him tonight I just want to leave. I can't do this. I can't!"

"I.." He blinked at me for a moment and then choked out a laugh, "No, no! There's no one, but you. I just..I can't explain it. Get undressed, okay?"

"No offense, but I'm not really in the mood." My words sounded strange in my own ears as I watched him pull his T-shirt over his head. Even confused and half in tears I couldn't help, but enjoy the sight of his stomach shifting and tensing with the motion.

"Just, please, Rich. This is too hard, just do what I ask. Please?" The words came from his lips in a strained tone. They were as close to pleading as I'd ever heard them.

I wanted to argue, but as I opened my mouth he started to undo his jeans and I gave up. The strangeness of the situation took away any enjoyment I'd normally get at seeing him slip out of his pants. Instead I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off in quick angry movements. What did he expect? That we'd just get naked, have some fun and never talk about what had happened? I didn't want to. All I wanted to do was stop trembling. The cold of the cabin had made my flushed feverish body start to shake until my teeth were ready to chatter. I felt sick and angry and hurt. I managed to get my pants off with a bit of a struggle and when I nearly fell stepping out of them a warm firm body held me from behind. I knew my skin was hot to the touch, but he didn't feel chill. Instead he soothed some of the tremors out of me as I finally stood up naked. I wasn't so cold-hearted as to push him away. He stepped back of his own free will.

"Let's go outside, it's almost time." James' voice sounded slightly dreamy as he walked towards the door and gripped the knob.

"It's freezing outside!" I protested and my body started to shake again from the cold and the idea of going out there naked.

"You'll warm up in no time." His voice still sounded odd. Normally I would have taken it as a bit of flirting suggestion, but he said it like a simple fact as he opened the door and walked out into the darkening night.

"The things I do..." I growled under my breath and stepped out behind him. His pale nude body seemed to stand out against the coming night. "What are we going to do? I'm tired, sick, upset and I don't feel like rolling around in the dirt and grass!"

"I tried to save you." The words were slow and slightly deep. "I wanted to save you. I meant too. I'm so sorry." "What do you mean? You were off fishing or something. It was my own damn fault for coming out here. Can we go inside now? I'm cold!" My teeth started to chatter harder and I wrapped my arms around myself. What a great time and place for him to have a guilt fest!

"I came back and saw you coming down from the cabin. I just froze. I should never have stood there like that, but I couldn't think straight." James trailed off and rubbed his face again. This time I saw tears rolling down his cheeks. What did he mean? Had he been watching on his way back from the lake? Suddenly it made sense.

"Sweetling, it's not your fault! You probably thought I was going to leave, you couldn't have known about the dog.." I moved up and touched his back. His body was shaking as badly as my own.

"I saw you run. I had to force myself not to follow. You were so tempting though running through the forest. It wasn't until I heard you scream that I knew what had happened. I couldn't let you fall. Please understand! I couldn't lose you, I can't lose you!" He turned is head and I watched another tear join the first. The words came out almost in a shout before he swallowed them back again. One of his broad hands moved up to brush my cheek as I tried to sort out his words. "Please be strong. Please. Think of me with love. I'm so so sorry, Rich. Please forgive me."

Whatever I was supposed to forgive him for was lost as the first sliver of moonlight crested along the distant view of the lake and the light brushed against it. With the moon came fire that ran through my veins and tore a scream from my throat. It felt as if I was suffering the bite again, but this time my entire body was wracked with pain. I fell down on my knees and tried to call out for James to get help or get me inside, but my voice refused to work. All I could get out was a low groaning scream of pain as my muscles tensed up along my body and the pain took me to my side. I curled up almost in a fetal ball as I dimly heard a groan from nearby. I couldn't even get my head up to look at him as another spasm tore through me. The moon seemed like a fiery heat that surrounded me until my jaws ache. It wasn't until I looked down and watched my nails starting to thicken and curl that I realized something was more than just wrong.

The pain couldn't hide the fact that my fingers started to stiffen and drawn in towards my hand as the nails darkened into hard claws. My skin itched and jumped as fur began to grow over the backs of my arms and rush upwards towards my naked chest. My body writhed and twisted under the pain as every inch of me suffered. My jaws ached and as I spread my mouth my tongue felt my teeth curling inwards into fangs while my mouth elongated and my vision blurred. Everything hurt and ached, but I couldn't stop it. I felt bones popping and twisting beneath my skin with sickening noises as my joints started to realign themselves. The fur rushed up and I could feel it thickening along my neck as my elbows suddenly cracked and I screamed out as they bent the wrong way. My hands turned into hard white furred paws that scrabbled against the dirt.

Nothing was forgotten as my hips popped and shifted how they were aligned and my toes and foot started to change as well. My foot grew longer, but the tips of them crew into compact paws while dark nails curved down from the tips of my toes. There was a sudden pain behind me and I fumbled with my changed hands until I felt a furred tail growing out to hit against the ground. My ears tingled and I felt them shifting until suddenly the night forest swam with sounds that overwhelmed my mind and almost distracted me from the pain. The only thing that took me away from that was the sight of my lower stomach and my shaft as it changed. It darkened from the pale white flesh it had been and the tip pushed out to become more tapered. The base grew larger while my foreskin started to grow a fine coating of fur and push upwards to envelope my cock entirely. I let out a groan of denial just as something swelled inside of my soul itself.

Joy! Welcome! Love! Freedom! They were feelings, not words that resonated through my heart as something larger than myself stirred within my changing body. My nose tasted the sweet fall air and the being inside me knew that there were rabbits, deer and pheasant hiding there. How good it would be to taste the soft flesh beneath my fangs and taste the rush of blood flooding my muzzle! The foreign thoughts mingled through my own and in my own mind I could almost imagine the wolf being released from the bonds of my flesh. It reveled in the furred and muscled shape it had made from me and welcomed my own thoughts. We would hunt well together. It was so disorienting that I could barely move for several moments after the change was complete. I felt dazed, but hungry and energized. A soft whine made me flick my ears back and roll over onto my stomach and then feet. I stared into the eyes of the wolf of my nightmares. My lover. My James.

The great silver wolf stared at me with his ears splayed and every inch of him tense and trembling. I looked over the pale white of my muzzle as he let out a soft sound deep in his throat and took a step forward. The ground around him was torn up from his change and the lingering scent of our humanselves was still thick on the air. I wrinkled my nose and sneezed in distaste at all the scents that assaulted me. I gave my thick furred coat a shake and turned my head towards the forest, but James was ahead of me. He wagged his great plumed tail once before trotting off into the underbrush and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to follow behind him. The night was alive around me. Wolf and man seemed to mingle into one whole as I chased after the scent of my lover. The sweet musk that was wholly wolf and welcoming to me led me on deeper into the forest where the man-smells no longer made my nose sting.

I lost sight and scent of him and it seemed only natural to drop my head and snuffle around at the ground. I tried to ignore the sweet scent of a rabbit that had passed by here, but failed as I started to follow it towards some thick bramble. I had nearly gotten there when James returned and this time he came in closer. His form meshed well with the moonlight forest, but unbidden came the thought that neither of us were designed for these woods. We were made for an Arctic world with snow beneath our paws and hunting far larger prey then rabbits. He padded up to me with a low growl in his throat as he rubbed his side along my own. His teeth snapped at my neck and I wrinkled my teeth back in silent warning before tucking my chin down. He snapped again and this time briefly caught the nape of my neck in his jaws and gently squeezed down triggering a myriad of sensations through me.

The sweet wild musk of him lingered in my nose as I let out a soft whine and bumped my head against my mate's shoulder. I raised one paw to bat at him and he pushed his chest harder against my shoulder before releasing my neck. His long red tongue danced along the back of my neck until I arched into the sensation with a soft groan. He found nerves just along the curve of my ears that made a tremor rock through me as if the Change was threatening me again. His teeth ran down my neck and trailed down my spine while I tensed my legs up and held still. The warmth of his breath teased against my fur and I felt a dim echo of his thoughts and feelings. How he had wanted me this way, how long he had yearned for another to dance in the moonlight with him. Through his eyes I could see myself. A great white wolf with a scattering of black markings that trailed along my spine and spread along my hips. In his eyes, I was beautiful.

James' cold nose dipped down just beneath my tail until I let out a soft whine and flicked my tail to the side before feeling the softness of his tongue flicker out to run down just along my furred sac. The sensation made me raise my hackles as I pushed back and the tongue flickered out again further up along my sheath. The slow smooth brushes on the tongue made me almost squirm in place as my jaws parted and my tongue lolled out from beneath my sharp white teeth. I only dimly was aware that the first few inches of my tapered red cock was sliding free when his head slid up to my haunches. He nipped the base of my tail sharply before nuzzling up along my spine and pushed his chest against my hindquarters. The soft fur teased against my pucker until I was grinding back against him and feeling it tease lower.

The great silver wolf's weight slid over me and I struggled to hold him as front legs suddenly grip around my haunches. The clawed dark claws dug in against my stomach as his chest pushed up higher and the teeth suddenly gripped the nape of my neck to keep me in place. His growl came out like a purr that shivered down my spine as he pinned me beneath him. I twisted and arched slightly until his hips rocked up against me. What little that was man that was left to me shied away as I felt the animalistic cock tip suddenly push right up against my opening. Watery hot precum dribbled down to glisten against my opening and spilled down towards my balls as I tried to spread my hind legs further. It wasn't until the large paws pulled back that I let out a sudden yelp of surprise and pleasure. The thin tip pushed in easily, but rapidly grew wider as it plunged into my body. Hot dribbles of precum drooled out to run along my passage slickening it as it went.

The grip on my hips tightened and pulled me backwards as inch by slow inch the dark red wolf cock pushed into my body and spread my passage open. I clenched down tightly and struggled with it as it forced me open even more. I could feel my own cock pushed up against my underside until the tip was teasing against the fur there. I gave a thrust forward against my stomach only to feel James suddenly buck forward driving a few more inches inside. I clenched down around him before he pulled back and drew my ring taut around him before thrusting forward again. The movements sent shudders of pleasure through me as I craned my head back and licked along his cheek. His jaws pulled lightly at my scruff and rumbled a low dominating sound before thrusting forward again. His back arched upwards as he used the grip on my haunches to pull me back each time.

It wasn't until he shoved inwards almost the entire way that I became aware of the thicker base that wedged right up against me. He ground against my anal ring and made me groan out as his cock threatened to spread me open even more. My tongue lolled out and I flattened my ears as he began to rapidly thrust inside of me. My body seemed trapped between pain and pleasure as each thrust forward hit right up against my opening and the base tried to pry me open. It already seemed too large and I squirmed and wriggled slightly, but the grip on my hips seemed like iron. Through it all my cock dribbled precum down onto the dirt at my paws, it matted against my chest and throbbed in time with the heavy paws kept me firmly in place. His thickened cock pulled and stroked inside of me. It scraped over sensitive flesh until I started to push back against him.

The moonlight cast our shadows on the ground as the knot shoved harder up against me and started to pry me apart. I dug my claws into the ground and squeezed my eyes shut with a soft whine as I could feel it opening me wider and wider. It was almost too much and my hind legs shifted open further until I felt it push almost entirely in before pulling back again. The rapid thrusts battered it against me while I could feel myself tensing up in growing pleasure. I reveled in the feel of the hot breath against the back of my neck, the traces of saliva as the teeth dug possessively into the ruff of my fur. The claws dug against my sensitive inner thighs until I let out a sharp short cry and felt the knot drive forward until my walls were forced to give. They strained open and suddenly the thickness popped into my passage and I clenched down around it. My muscles contracted while I shuddered and rocked my hips forward to push my cock tip against my furred underside.

The silver wolf's hips pulled back and I yelped out as the knot pulled against my ring only to have him shove inwards again. The thrusts slowed as I felt it growing impossibly wider inside of me and I clamped my jaws shut with a muted whimper. My entire body grew tense and my balls drew up snug between my legs as I gave a shuddering buck of my hips forward. The world flared to life as I let out a high pitched howl that echoed from my throat. The first hot rush of wolf seed splashed out against my front legs and the ground as my knot bulged in front of my sheath. It bobbed beneath me before James let out a deep snarling growl and drove his hips forward. My howl wavered and broke on the air as the knot locked deep inside of me. It was so large it almost ached before I felt the first throb running through my passage.

The wolf cock pulsed before the hot jets of seed erupted inside of me. They flooded out and spilled deeper with each pulse to drive it inside of me. My walls clenched down and milked around him as my mate rolled his hips up a bit more firmly against my own. The sensation forced the tip just a bit deeper inside of me so that the next jet hit against my slickened walls. His balls pushed up snug against my own so I could feel them twitch slightly with each new eruption inside of me. Slow movements, almost thrusts, drew out the pleasure as he released my nape and lifted his head up in song.

The howl started deep in his throat and rose up to ride on the air, a wild sound of triumph as I shuddered beneath him. I gave my hips a short rock back before my voice joined his. They twined together accompanied by the pounding of our hearts, the touch of our minds, the rich hot seed that stained the ground and inside of me. We were tied together most of the night, but I couldn't care. When he finally slipped from my slickened passage I used my tongue to clean him as he cleaned my own shaft. We renewed the touch on each other's mind before we slipped into the forest to hunt.

We took down a deer and with the wolf in control of my body I didn't care about the blood or loss of life. The meat was rich on my tongue and filled my stomach. It wasn't until morning when the first greyness of dawn came that I relinquished the wolf's shape and found myself a trembling human again. Then I could be sick at the thought of the grisly meal or the bestial mating that had seemed so right at the time. James had tried to comfort me, but I didn't want to hear it. I stormed off and ended up sitting next to the lake until the moon came up again and the fire of the Change erupted through me. Only then was a free of guilt, anger and fear. By the end of the weekend I felt filthy and terrified of what I'd become. Moon cursed. A werewolf.

It took many months to deal with it. At first I resented James and often argued and tried to send him away, but he stayed with me through it all. He revealed his fears that I wouldn't survive the Change. Many new werewolves went mad or killed themselves during the first Change. It was worse that when we were wolves I knew his thoughts as well as my own. I knew that he had wanted to see me like him since we had met. Yes. It was months before I was even able to sleep in the same bed with him again. Every time he touched me I got flashes of his lupine cock plunging into me or the taste of it on my tongue as I greedily cleaned him afterwards. Yet, through all the darkness, pain and fear that I felt, I started to accept myself. It was a long hard road and I won't bore you with it here. If you're like me, you already know it; if you're human then you wouldn't understand it.

Monica and Crystal were amused and horrified that I'd taken up camping with James. Crystal said it was good that I was spending more time with James. I think Monica was convinced that I was just doing it to make sure James wasn't cheating on me. After a few months she relented and said she was happy for us. I've been spending less time with them, but they both know that I care for them deeply. They just aren't a part of my world anymore and for the longest time I was angry at them too. If they had never told me James might be cheating on me I would have never gone to the cabin that night. The blame lasted for a while, but it's for the best. Distancing myself from them is for the best. I'd learned through my partner that loving a human too much could lead to questions and misunderstandings. I know that intimately now.

When spring came, though, I found myself realizing that the Wolf was a part of me. In all my days and nights he was just beneath the surface. I could feel James' Wolf as well. I suppose if I met another werewolf I could feel their Wolf too, but we are a scarce breed. I learned to love the forest and the glorious feel of how my body would stretch out beneath the stars. I loved the muscles beneath my fur and the sound of our voices howling at the Moon. I loved the touch of his long sensuous tongue and the possessive grip of his teeth on the nape of his neck. And, though I tried to deny it, I loved the hunt. The sight of a deer in front of me and the surge of my body as I hunted. The scent of fear that flooded my muzzle and made me forget all else in the world beside the feel of the soft flesh beneath my teeth as I tore into it.

In time, yes, I learned to love it. It was a part of me. How could I deny it? I have my own private suspicions on why I came to accept it. My partner speaks of his wolf as if it's a separate being, but I don't think it is. I think the wolf inside me took time to merge with my heart and soul. The time I battled with my own thoughts, I knew he lurked beneath the surface. He'd come forward when I was angry or upset, but he was never quite asleep. His thoughts bled over to mine until it seemed more natural to think like a wolf rather than a man. Or perhaps the wolf thought more like a man then just a wolf? Such thoughts have kept me awake many nights as I tried to ponder the strange twists of circumstances. I suppose everyone ends up with thoughts like that at some point in their life. Though few would know the doubts I agonized over and the secret fears that I'm ashamed to even put in this document.

James and I repaired our relationship slowly. I think if he had bitten me while he stood in the drive it would have been irreparable. The fact he did it to save my life makes what he's given me a gift. I even started to pester him to find new hunting grounds. The cabin was fine, but I wanted to really run. I wanted to go somewhere we didn't have to mute our voices for fear humans would hear us. James seemed amused and pleased with my progress. Yet each time we hunted and Changed I felt his heart and the freedom he felt. It was a force of will to return to two legs and our lives again. I started to understand that our nights running beneath the moon were our real lives. Working each day and tending our apartment became harder for me. Even more so, I knew that James had lived this way the entire time he had known me. How could I not know it? Each full moon I hold his heart and soul within my own.

It's September again. James is in the other room packing up our bags for our full moon retreat. I convinced him to head out for an entire week to Alaska. He isn't happy with the long flight, he hates flying, but he can't resist hunting caribou. I even promised him that we'd see if we could find a moose to pit ourselves against, though privately I think I have a lot of learning to do before I can manage that big of prey. He's cursing right now because I want to make sure the house is nice and tidy before we go. He's always hated house chores. I spent this afternoon with a lawyer at an office other than his drafting up my will. It's a strange way to spend a Labor day, but it was important. I wanted to make sure I had it taken care of. Monica and Crystal will be surprised and delighted to find out that they get my car and most of my funds. My family never cared for me the way they did, they deserve it. I hope they use it well and I hope they think of me fondly.

James doesn't know of my plans. I think he'd tell me no, thinking I was doing it only for him. In a way I'm doing it for him, but in truth I'm doing it for us. A year of being a wolf as left me dissatisfied with my life. I feel as if I live for the full moon, which isn't a life at all. I've gotten enough control of my Wolf to change at will and most importantly to stay changed even after the full moon. By this time next week we'll be another set of hikers that went missing camping in Alaska. I'm sure they'll look for us, and we'll let them find the wreck of our tent and perhaps I'll crash the car too for good measure. Only James and I and you will know the truth. When the full moon rises again we'll shed our human lives and hunt in the snow, mountains and forests that we were made to hunt in. Even thinking that sends a shiver down my spine and I feel my Wolf stir in anticipation inside of me. We both agree that we're done truly being human.

James is nearly done packing and is hinting he's ready to leave at the airport. I'm sure someone will find this one day. And if it's been found, thank you for following my adventure, dear reader. If you're human I'm sure you're shaking your head at this trivial bit of nonsense that someone wrote. A farfetched fiction story. If you're not human perhaps this has come all too close to what your life is really like. So I'll leave you with this. If you are one of the moon cursed or one day find yourself feeling the fire of the moon pushing you towards the Change, remember us. We are running free in Alaska where wolves should hunt and love beneath a sky sparkling with starlight and moonlight. Come to us. Cast aside your human life and the shackles of the mundane. Come and find us. Sing to the moon and I promise we'll here you. We're waiting for you. You and all of our kind. James says we're Moon Cursed. I believe he has it wrong. I am and always will be Moon Blessed.

Unsigned September 20th, 2006