FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I guess I made it through another week, huh? She didn't kill me. Not yet. It just hurts so much, all over. Help me lie down and I'll tell you some more. Oh, that's the ground shaking is it? That's strange.

What? Oh, okay, I guess I can make it more formal for you, if you'd like. Maybe someday someone will want to read this all. That's what you're doing, isn't it? Keeping it safe for posterity. I'm glad you find me such a fascinating subject. Yeah, I wish we could transmit off-world too, but I don't think we'll ever punch through her interference.

Maybe it's better that way, anyway. We'd just wind up broadcasting our location to the aliens and they'd nuke us from orbit. It's quieter down here. I wonder if any of the other colony ships made it. Maybe we are the last of our species. I assume so, that keeps me going.

You were saying? Oh, right. Yes, first name Red. Last name? Um, I don't remember. You can ask dad when he gets back. He'll tell you. I think it starts with an F. Fitzgerald? Something like that. Date of birth? Um, one season after the ship crashed, so I'd think, two thousand and... something. Sorry, I can't help you there.

You, Scribe Reginald, taking the notes. What? Oh, real good. I want a share of whatever bet you just won.

Ungh. Height? One hundred sixty centimeters. Weight? Well, I was about sixty-five kilos before... so maybe forty kilos now? Age? Well that would be telling, wouldn't it? Heh heh. Let's see, you're a few years younger than I am, so let's just say... twenty-something.

Okay?

Devin was waiting for me the other day. I keep trying to talk some sense into him, tell him to go off and take care of himself. He doesn't listen. It's sweet, really, he saves up his water rations and gives them to me. Maybe you can talk to him and tell him he'd really be better off with someone else. There's only so much filtered water to go around.

But I can't break his heart like that. I don't know, he's grown attached to me. Like a mother. He looks up to me, thinks I'm brave.

I keep telling him to stop wasting his time and resources on me, he should be out trying to mate. That was when he told me about it, told me that she'd taken her. What? No, this happened a while ago. He just told me the other day. Sorry, I get mixed up. Time has a way of becoming meaningless...

Geiger ate Devin's girlfriend. He didn't want to tell me because he knew I'd be mad, and I was. He begged me not to make a deal of it. Fuck him, he's not the overseer. I told it to that damn cancer dog's face. Geiger smirked a bit, a guilty grin. I told her I thought we agreed she wouldn't eat the still-fertile colonists. She said she couldn't help herself, that Tasha looked so vulnerable and delicious. That look on her fucking face, like she were a goddamn dog sneaking a treat. If I'd had an RPG I would've...

What? Tasha was Devin's girl. I never got to meet her. No, I don't think an RPG would've done anything but that's not the fucking point.

At least Devin didn't have to watch. He doesn't need to see what it's like. I still remember.

He gave me a sandwich this morning. A whole one I couldn't believe it. I can't imagine all the favors he'd have to do to scrounge up enough bread paste, and we can barely grow even something as tough as shrimp in this water, it's so rare. I wish he wouldn't waste it on me. But I can't say no to him. The look in his eyes, you know... maybe you've never seen it, when someone has real pride in you.

It hurt to chew. My gums are all swollen. He asked me if it tasted good and I said yes. Don't tell him I lied though. I can't taste anything anymore. It all feels like rotten metal.

I only got about a quarter down, but it was the first solid food I'd had in months. Devin was happy about it. Sometimes, just seeing his smile, that faint swish of his ragged tail, it reminds me why I keep going, why I keep doing this. That maybe it's all worth it.

What? Yes, Red is my real name. Well, maybe. That depends on how you define real. That's what they call me. That's what she started calling me. After my fur, I think. It's all singed now so it doesn't really matter, but she liked the sight of it. She didn't want me to wear a suit, she wanted to see it fall out. Mostly to absorb the toxins and poisons, but I like to think she wanted to see me naked. I used to be a such pretty thing, back then.

Just a second, I've got something in my eye.

Well, she likes to have a special companion. Why? She's a dog, she probably gets lonely. What the fuck do you mean, what's a dog? For a scribe, you don't read very much.

Anyway, I'm not the first. We drew lots to see who would be the next one to go, after the previous one died. You know that pale chalky outline of a fox near the overseer's tent? That's her. She got stepped on, and the profile burned into the dirt. It's scorched in there, like a skeleton, screaming, where the fox soaked up all the rads. Geiger likes to look at it, like a monument.

Said it was an accident. Bull-fucking-shit.

It was the only way to be fair. One of us had to be her new favorite. It was part of her terms, and we didn't dare defy her. She was at least generous enough to give us a week to decide who would be the martyr, the pariah to go out and entertain her and please her. She only likes the girls for that.

Vicky drew the shortest straw. That was the only thing that's ever really moved me, the sight of her tears. She couldn't contain herself, holding the straw to her chest and weeping, tears running down her face. She was so kind and gentle, and lovely. Really. One of the least exposed of us all. Soft velvety fur and a kind disposition, and she had her whole family with her too, her mother and father were still fertile so they could survive long enough to birth another litter.

The week went past, and she never stopped crying. When the time came, I just stood up in her place, and shoved her away. I told her she had more to live for than I did, and I took her place as Geiger's pet. I didn't know what I was getting into.

Funny thing is, she got squashed a few days later when Geiger tripped.

Do you remember the snow? No, you're too young. It was awful. I vaguely do, I was still young at the time, this was before she stayed in camp for winters. It started piling up in big hills and drifts around our shelters, settling in with a sickly grayish tint. My dad and the others in charge started panicking, because it was accumulating and piling up and it was so toxic. The rain would run off the tent canvas like it was designed to, but if the Geiger snow built up it could burn a hole in the roof and be the end of us all.

We only had a half-dozen hazmat suits, it wasn't enough. We were desperate to get it off, even as it was coming down in a flurry. Some of the foxes were out there, the bravest, in their jump-suits alone, no gloves, scooping the stuff off the roofs and shoveling it away. Their hands bled and the poisons ran rich through their systems, but once the shock wore off it didn't matter.

The snow stopped, eventually, and we'd gathered it all up in one big pile of grey slush, along with a few foxes who hadn't survived the ordeal. We didn't know what to do with them. We couldn't just leave them where they lay, could we?

I remember standing around in the cold, breath visible, watching them shovel the pile up, in their suits. The clicking of their Geiger counters... oh, that's it, isn't it? That's where the name comes from. Tick tick tick...

Geiger came by then. I don't know if she was angry or what, but she stamped the pile of snow and fox down into a big deep footprint, crater into the ground, and dug her toes and claws in, growling. I remember the look of her, such a feral beast, the muscles sinewy and flexing, rippling beneath that shaggy fur as she ground her foot down into the pile.

Then she walked away. It was so cold, but that puddle of run-off and water never did freeze.

Hmm? Oh yeah, about Devin's girlfriend. Yeah, I had a stern talking-to for that big damn death bitch. I told her, I thought we agreed that the fertile colonists were off limits. I think she was actually sorry. She tucked her ears back just a bit, like a scolded dog that just broke a toy. I made her promise not to do it in the future.

She asked why, so I tried to explain to her how mating works and all that. And how the long-term stability of a species is determined by its fertility. I don't know if she grasped it or not, but I think she just liked to listen to me talk. I had her by the ear, you could say.

What did we do last night? Well, she was excited to see me again. I don't know if she grasps how close to death I am or not, she's just a big dumb bitch at times. Fuck! That hurts when you move that, don't...

I'll be alright. No water! Just... let me breathe.

As I was saying, she always looks forward to seeing me. I don't know what it is about her. Maybe she just like to see how many more rads she can pump into my brittle bones, or whatever. Maybe she just likes the company. I think she gets lonely. I already said that, didn't I?

She told me about her new trick. How if she held a fox in a radiation suit down under paw long enough, and then didn't squeeze, how they'd burn from the inside out. Smoldering and burning inside, like a fire in a coal mine. So you can't put 'em out. And the fire would consume them from inside and the poor thing would sizzle away to ash under her foot while leaving the radsuit more or less intact. She seemed so proud of it, like a dog learning a new trick.

She asked if I wanted to see a demonstration. I told her no.

They found the hazmat. It managed to survive at least, and they scraped it up out of her pawprint, though the face-plate was broken from the inside. I don't know who'd be brave enough to put on another suit, it's like a license to be melted by Geiger. But we've got a few, so there you are.

I'm so tired. When I close my eyes all I see are the spots, burnt into my retinas. Do you see them? No... that's good.

Maybe you can talk some sense into Devin. I told him he should get a new girlfriend, for the sake of the colony, and to stop wasting his time on me, but he won't listen. And I can't push him away. I just try to think of what's best for all of us. Maybe you can make sure he finds someone special someday, before it's too late. Before his balls are all crispy and microwaved and shriveled.

I'm surprised how much punishment my body can take. But we didn't come all these light-years to give up. I guess it's just another day, then? Another long toxic dog day afternoon.

What time is it? Oh, help me up then, please. Careful... yes it hurts to stand, even with the sandals Devin gave me. Thanks for the offer, but I can walk by myself. I'm just sore.

I just want to see the sun set one more time.