Resignation (pt.4)
#7 of All in Time
And here's the final installment of "Resignation" - sorry it's such a downer. T_T
The good thing is that neither of the boys' stories ends here, so there's more coming. It just really sucks right now...
The pacing here was well more intentional than usual, so hopefully it has the desired effect.
Cross' eyes felt a little crusty as he tried to open them, coming back to consciousness. He tried to rub them, but there was something large in the way of one arm and the other was completely trapped under something. As his free arm felt what was in the way, last night came back to him, explaining both the residue running from his eyes down the sides of his face and the body in front of him.
His free arm reached over Nate and back to the lion's face as he rubbed at his eyes, finally opening them clearly. The entire room was filled with a diffuse golden light, the morning sun coming through the blinds and reflecting off the walls and carpet, aided by the natural coloring of the sheets and both his and Nate's fur.
The two of the had rolled over slightly in the night, now lying on their sides; aside from that, they apparently hadn't moved much overnight, pressed up against each other with their arms and legs still entangled. Nate still seemed to be asleep, so Cross just laid his free arm back over the lab and leaned his head back down on the pillow.
He was about to nod off again when he heard footsteps in the hallway; a moment later, his bedroom door opened and his mother's head poked into view.
"Morning, boys, I - oh!" She was expecting to see Cross in bed and Nate in the sleeping bag on the floor, not to see the two of them together in bed and clothes haphazardly about.
Cross leaned up and hugged the still-sleeping Lab close to him, giving his mother a look that was simultaneously possessive, protective, defiant, and apologetic.
They stared at each other for a tense moment or two until Mrs. Walker's surprise faded into acceptance, somewhat disappointed but nonetheless loving and understanding. She smiled at her son before looking down, edging her way back out of the room and silently closing the door behind her.
Cross stared at the door for a little bit longer, suddenly unsure of what had just happened and trying to process it. When he really realized he had "won" that wordless encounter with his mom, he suddenly felt like it had taken a large amount of energy out of him, and he flopped back down on the bed facing Nate. He was back asleep a minute or two later.
Nate's eyes fluttered open to a wall of tawny fur in front of them. He realized he was buck naked and somewhat between Cross' legs, the lion similarly unclothed; a chill completely unrelated to the temperature went up his spine at the feeling. After the tingle passed, he was left with a warm feeling in his gut that spread out through his body, from both the closeness and from the memory of last night. He nuzzled up under Cross' chin, though was careful to not wake the lion. He then leaned up against the chest in front of him, resting his forehead on the fur that expanded and receded with the feline's even breathing. He closed his eyes then, not from being tired but just to focus on the presence of Cross next to him.
The Labrador was content to just stay like that indefinitely, simply taking the time to catalogue what he could. The sound and rhythm of Cross' breathing; the lion's scent, stronger and a bit earthier than normal; the feel of the feline's short fur... He wanted to remember it all.
At some point Cross woke up again, but he didn't move at all because he thought Nate was still asleep against him. It took a while for the each of them to realize the other was awake, and even longer for sounds from the rest of the house to convince them to start moving. They slid apart, shivering a bit at the loss of warmth from the other, then more as they pushed the covers off.
The first piece of clothing Nate found was Cross' pair of boxer shorts, which had spent the night under the covers with them and were still warm. He pawed the undergarment a little bit, then looked up at Cross thinking to hand the boxers over. The lion, though, was already sliding underwear on - Nate's own briefs. The lab just stared as Cross proceeded to walk over to his dresser, pull out a new pair of sweats and slide them on over the briefs, then pull out a T-shirt like any normal day. Nate wasn't exactly sure what to make of the turn of events, but after a moment decided to just "go with it" and slid his legs into the boxers. He found himself smiling, the slightest hint of inexplicable giddiness bubbling up at the thought of wearing his boyfriend's underwear.
The notion of "wearing" switched to "keeping" as he pulled his own jeans on - which would have been fine if it wasn't permanent, if their previous owner could enjoy seeing them modeled by the dog, if they could be swapped back... Four days from now was way too close for Nate, his mood darkening quickly as he pulled his shirt on.
Cross hugged him, and kept an arm around the Lab as he led them out of the bedroom.
"Morning, boys," Mrs. Walker said almost apologetically when she saw the two of them trudge out into the living room. "Although it's closer to lunch than breakfast; would you prefer bacon and eggs or grilled cheese?"
Mrs. McIlroy took a deep breath before knocking on the Walkers' front door. Cross' mother had called ahead while the boys were still sleeping to tell Delia what the situation was. She knew her son wouldn't be taking this well; even if Nate didn't outwardly show it, Cross was Nate's world. When she was let in, she saw the two of them sitting against each other on the couch "watching" TV; Nate was the one leaning into Cross, the lion with one arm comfortingly over her son.
The two of them were looking toward her and Mrs. Walker with a worried look on their face - not scared of her, but scared of what her presence meant. She made small talk with the lioness, not wanting to pressure the boys, who for a while seemed like they weren't going to move at all.
Finally, though, Cross sighed and patted Nate of the back, saying something softly before standing up and pulling the young yellow Lab up with him. They went and gathered Nate's school things before walking to the front door, holding hands the whole way. Mr. Walker showed up as the five of them slowly edged out onto the front steps. After a slight pause in the conversation, Mrs. Walker said "Well, it was a pleasure having Nate over, as always."
"Thank you for having him," Delia answered before turning to her son. "I guess we should get going, then?"
The young Lab gave a pathetic little nod but didn't move, now unable to take his off Cross. After a moment, the lion pulled him into a tight hug. Nate shuddered a bit as he returned it, but didn't start crying again. In an attempt to sooth his canine, Cross said "I'll see you first thing on Monday for the math exam, alright?"
Nate nodded on the lion's shoulder. There was an awkward half-movement as Cross tried to break the hug, but despite the Lab's acknowledgement just a moment before, Nate didn't show any signs of letting go. Cross sighed and returned a single squeeze before forcing them apart enough so he could look into Nate's eyes directly.
"Monday," he said firmly, then started nodding at the Lab. It had the desired effect as Nate started mirroring the nod, acquiescing as his arms slackened a bit. Cross took a step back, and then Nate did too. One hand, and then the other, slid apart.
The other students could tell something was up between Nate and Cross at school Monday morning, but no-one knew exactly what, and neither of the two boys was in the mood to talk. Nate met Cross outside the front of school after the third exam of the day was done, sharing a short and obviously uncomfortable conversation before he had to run off and catch his bus while Mrs. Walker picked up her son.
Before, between, and after the three Tuesday exams, word started spreading that Cross was moving away, as some of the military kids had heard from their in-service parents after making comments to them Monday night. Cross had a bit more of a crowd around him Tuesday afternoon in the pick-up zone, though everyone yielded to Nate as he had his minute or two before running of to his bus again.
When Nate got home that afternoon, he found that Mr. and Mrs. Walker had dropped off several boxes of stuff they had decided to gift to the McIlorys - including a box that Cross had packed himself of stuff from his room to give directly to Nate. Toy guns and action figures, comic books, his cross country awards, magazines, video games and consoles, some crafts from his younger years - and four of his five stuffed animals. The one he had kept was his golden retriever - not quite a golden Labrador, but the similarity was not lost on Nate.
Cross' first exam on Wednesday corresponded to his third period class - which was actually his study hall period. He spent some of it doing some last-minute review for his bio exam next - the last exam of finals week, and one the science-y lion didn't really need last-minute review for - and the rest of the "exam" doodling. He wasn't an artist by any means, but it was something to do while his stomach was tying itself in knots.
He got through the bio exam easily enough, and then rushed outside, hoping to stand in the pick-up zone for as long as possible so that there was not way Nate could possibly miss him. His parents were already waiting for him in the pick-up lane when he got outside, though - in a taxi, not the family car. The back passenger door was open, with the older lion standing outside.
"Heya, ace," Mr. Walker said, trying to make conversation. "How'd it go?"
"Fine, fine," Cross said a bit dismissively, standing somewhat away from the road as he scanned the students coming out of the doors, some of his friends starting to form a small crowd around him.
His father knew who he was looking for. He also knew they didn't have much time. "We can wait five, maybe ten minutes, but that's pushing it if we don't want to miss our flight."
Cross didn't answer, and it took a minute or two after the lion's statement before some of the other students decided it was time to start saying their farewells.
The minutes ticked by, and as the other students finished what they wanted to say, everyone started feeling the waiting game come into play. Nate was supposedly still in his history exam, as people noticed that no-one had seen any of the sixth-period history students come out yet. Cross was starting to get antsy.
Finally, his father interjected a slow "Cross..."
The young lion pretended to ignore his father.
"Cross... we really need to get going..."
"I know, dad, I just...-!"
Mr. Walker sighed. "I know, ace. But we really need to go now..." Pause. "I'm sorry."
There was still a moment as Cross tried to hold out, but something inside him finally broke. Not wanting to be public about it, he suddenly dashed headlong into the cab, quickly wedging himself into the middle of the back seat next to his mom, with his father sitting down heavily next to him a moment later and closing the door. He kept his arms clenched at his sides as the taxi started driving off, trying to hold himself together. But his father put an arm around him, leaning the young lion against his side. That was when he just let the tears flow.
He had been told the history exam was long by people from other periods, but old Ms. Goether had started late and decided to let people who wanted an extra five or ten minutes have the time - which, by school rules about the last exam of the year, meant that no-one could leave the classroom until everyone was done.
He tore down the hallways as fast as he could, bursting out into the pick-up zone faster than his eyes could adjust from the semi-dark halls to the midday light.
When he could see clearly, he noticed just about everyone out there was staring at him, as if they had been waiting for him to show up...
Everyone except the one lion he was looking for. He heard the buses at the far end of the parking lot start up.
...No. Cross wasn't already gone. He just hadn't come out yet. The bio exam must've taken longer than history. Nate's gaze bounced from face to face, hoping for confirmation. Finally, a tabby - Christie, one of the other military kids - spoke up.
"...you missed him by two or three minutes..."
...No...
Noooo...
He staggered backward until his back met the glass door he had stormed out of a few moments prior. His legs then gave out and he sunk to the ground, a few students coming over to crouch down next to him. He didn't hear a word they said, nor did he hear the buses leaving.
He hadn't been able to bring himself to say goodbye yesterday or the day before. Now he wasn't able to.