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Hairy's trip to Diagon Alley The giant, who Hairy realized was

a mouse from the glimpses of his ears sticking from the ragged mop of his

uncombed hair. That, and the dirty ratty

tail. A mouse, like Hairy, but the largest mouse Hairy had ever seen.Outside the Dudley home the giant

bided Hairy to sit in the side car of an ancient military motorcycle. "Here's our ride, Hairy," the giant muttered,

struggling to kick-start the old machine."It's ta late ta be shoppin', so

we'll just kick back a' me pad, what?

Oh, here I am forgettin' me manners again--me name's Haggard. Please ta meetcha, Hairy."* *

*Harrard's 'pad' looked much like

the giant himself. Garbage strewn,

smelly, and cold. It was an upstair's

flat over what Hairy guessed must have been a whorehouse."I'm a what?" gasped Hairy."A wizard, o' course," said

Haggard, sitting down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a

thumpin' good'un, I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an'

dad like yours, what else would yeh be? An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read

yer letter."Hairy stretched out his hand at

last to take the yellowish enve­lope, addressed in emerald green to Mr. H.

Potter, The Floor, Hut-on-the-Rock, llie Sea. He pulled out the letter and

read: HOGFARTS

SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRYHeadmaster:

Albus Dumplesnore(Order

of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sore., Chf Warlock,Supreme

Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards) Dear

Mr. Potter,We

are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogfarts School of

Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and

equipment.Term

begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.Yours sincerely,Minerva McGonzonga,Deputy Headmistress Questions exploded inside Hairy's

head like fireworks and he couldn't decide which to ask first. After a few

minutes he stam­mered, "What does it mean, they await my owl?""Gallopin' gonads, that reminds

me," said Haggard, reaching inside a pocket inside his frayed and soiled overcoat

he pulled an owl -- a real, live, rather ruffled-looking owl -- a long quill, and

a roll of parchment. With his tongue between his teeth he scribbled a note that

Hairy could read upside down: Dear

Pofessor Dumplesnore,Given

Hairy his letter.Taking

him to buy his things tomorrow.Weather

horrible. Hope you're well.Haggard Haggard rolled up the note, gave

it to the owl which promptly squired some white liquid on the giant's

sleeve. The bird then clamped the

missive in its beak, went to the door, and threw the owl out into the storm.Haggard wiped his sleeve on the

couch."Hey, Hairy--y'know what that white

stuff in owl shit is?"Hairy realized his mouth was open

and closed it quickly. "no sir.""It's owl shit too!" The giant erupted into gales of

laughter which ended with a violent coughing spell."Jist some wizard humor there,

boy," he said when he had caught his breath.Hairy paused a moment to compose

himself, then asked, "Does my aunt Petunia know I am . . . a wizard?""Sure she do. But her being a Muggle and all. . .""A Muggle?" "A Muggle," said Haggard, "it's what we call

nonmagic folk like she and your uncle. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a

family o' the biggest Muggles I ever laid eyes on, even though that aunt

Petunia looked like a prime MILF--that's wizard-speak for a Muggle I'd Like t'

Fuck, if y' pardon my French.""My parent were wizards too? Why'd they die in a car crash? Couldn't they just have done some sort of

wizardy thing to make it not happen?""CAR CRASH!" roared Haggard,

jumping up so angrily that couch flipped over backwards. "How could a car crash

kill Lily an' James Potter? It's an outrage! A scandal! Yeh not knowin' yer own

story when every kid in our world knows yer name!" "But why? What happened?" Hairy asked

urgently.The anger faded from Haggard's

face. He looked suddenly anxious."I never expected this," he said,

in a low, worried voice. "I had no idea, when Dumplesnore told me there might

be trouble gettin' hold of yeh, how much yeh didn't know. Ah, Hairy, I don'

know if I'm the right person ter tell yeh -- but someone's gotta -- yeh can't go

off ter Hogfarts not knowin'."He sat down, ran his sausage-like

fingers through his greasy hair, and then said, "It begins, I suppose, with --

with a person called -- but it's incredible yeh don't know his name, everyone in

our world knows --""Who?""Well -- I don' like sayin' the

name if I can help it. No one does.""Why not?""Gulpin' gargoyles, Hairy, people

are still scared. Blimey, this is difficult. See, there was this wizard who

went. . . bad. As bad as you could go. Worse. Worse than worse. His name was .

. Haggard gulped, but no words came out."Could you write it down?" Hairy

suggested."Nah -- can't spell it. All right --

Waldomart." Haggard shud­dered. "Don' make me say it again. Anyway, this -- this

wizard, about twenty years ago now, started lookin' fer followers. Reckon Dumplesnore's

the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of. Didn't dare try takin' the school, not

jus' then, anyway."Now, yer mum an' dad were as good

a witch an' wizard as I ever knew. Head boy an' girl at Hogfarts in their day!

Suppose the myst'ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get 'em on his side

before . . . probably knew they were too close ter Dumplesnore ter want

anythin' ter do with the Dark Side."Maybe he thought he could

persuade 'em . . . maybe he just wanted 'em outta the way. All anyone knows is,

he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Halloween eighteen

years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an' -- an' --- "Haggard suddenly pulled out a very

dirty, spotted handkerchief and blew his nose with a sound like a foghorn. He tucked the snot rag back up his sleeve,

leaving a wad of snot on his mustache"Sorry," he said. "But it's that

sad -- knew yer mum an' dad, an' nicer people yeh couldn't find -- anyway . . ."You-Know-Who killed 'em. An' then

-- an' this is the real myst'ry of the thing -- he tried to kill you, too. Wanted

ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin' by then.

But he couldn't do it. Never wondered how you got that mark on yer. . .er. . .

manhood? That lightnin' bolt scar? That

was no ordinary cut. That's what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches

yeh -- took care of yer mum an' dad an' yer house, even -- but it didn't work on

you, an' that's why yer famous, Hairy. No one ever lived after he decided ter

kill 'em, no one except you.""An a side effect o' that curse is

you got this," Haggard reached over and patted Hairy's sizable package. "Y'see, the curse was meant t' make yer head

explode, I suspects. Instead it sorta

exploded yer willy. And yer balls too,

from what I heard."Haggard was watching him sadly."But what happened to Vol-, sorry

-- I mean, You-Know- Who?""Good question, Hairy.

Disappeared. Vanished. Same night he tried ter kill you. Makes yeh even more

famous. That's the biggest myst'ry, see ... he was gettin' more an' more

powerful -- why'd he go? Some say he died. Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if

he had enough human left in him to die. Some say he's still out there, bidin'

his time, like, but I don' believe it. People who was on his side came back ter

ours. Some of 'em came outta kinda trances. Don' reckon they could've done if

he was cornin' back."Most of us reckon he's still out

there somewhere but lost his powers. Too weak to carry on. 'Cause somethin'

about you finished him, Hairy. There was somethin' goin' on that night he

hadn't counted on -- I dunno what it was, no one does -- but somethin' about you

stumped him, all right.""Y'see, whats-his-names ascared of

yeh, Hairy. He knows yer power is a

match fer his, and that yeh'll only get more powerful as time goes by.""But I don't feel all that

powerful, Haggard," Hairy sputtered."What yeh got is this wondrous

ability t' sap power from them what's around yeh, Hairy. You can draw magical powers from t' other

witches and wizards. I'm not sure how

yeh does it, and I suspect yeh don't know either--- yet."Haggard looked at Hairy with

warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Hairy, instead of feeling pleased

and proud, felt quite sure there had been a horrible mistake. A wizard? Him?

How could he possibly be? He'd spent his life being clouted by Dudley, and bul­lied

and rogered by Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon; if he was really a wizard, why

hadn't they been turned into warty toads every time they'd tried to lock him in

his cupboard? If he'd once defeated the great­est sorcerer in the world, how

come Dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?"Haggard," he said quietly, "I

think you must have made a mistake. I don't think I can be a wizard."To his surprise, Haggard chuckled."Not a wizard, eh? Never made

things happen when you was scared or angry?"Hairy looked into the fire. Now he

came to think about it. . . that strange power he had over aunt Petunia! She seemed enraptured every time Hairy sunk

his cock into her hungry cunt. And he

always felt oddly powerful every time he took her, even though he knew it was

wrong to cuckold his uncle.Hairy looked back at Haggard,

smiling, and saw that Haggard was positively beaming at him."See?" said Haggard. "Hairy

Potter, not a wizard -- you wait, you'll be right famous at Hogfarts."Haggard hung his head

sheepishly. "So. . . kin ah see it?"Puzzled, Hairy said, "See what?""Yeh know, yer famouse tackle what

yer got in yer trousers."Hairy gasped in surprise. "I'm not bent or a flit or

anything, y'understand. I'd just like t'

see it. Been curious about it fer

years," Haggard offered meekly.Hairy thought it was damned odd

that a full grown man would want to see his pecker--well, outside of his football

coach who always seemed to be around when Hairy had to shower at school. But the giant had been kind to him so far,

and maybe things were just different with wizards and all.Hairy stood up, pulled the zipper

of his corduroys down over the bulge at his crotch and, with some effort,

fished out his cock from his boxers.

Haggard gasped in sucked in his breath."My, ain't that a beauty! Got that famous scar an' all.""I always just thought that was a

big zig-zag vein on top," Hairy offered, oddly proud of the respect his cock

was eliciting from the giant."Naw, that's the scar from

what's-his-name's curse, young Hairy. That's about the fattest one I've ever

seen, sort of a centaur's crank. How

big. . . how big does it get when ye's excited, boy?""About this big," said, Hairy,

locking one fist on his dangling organ and working it back and forth. Hairy couldn't get his fingers around his

junk even when it was limp, but now, as it rapidly expanded he did his best

just to support it."Blimy! Look at that thang grow!" Haggard said

excitedly. Hairy put a hand on either side of

his erection and pumped it furiously. "Want

to feel it, Haggard?" Hairy said between gritted teeth.Mesmerized, the giant slowly

reached out with one mighty paw and gently stroked the flair glans."Aw fuck!" Hairy groaned and

emptied the contents of his hard, swollen balls onto the hand and sleeve of his

new friend. Spurt after spurt of hot

jizz shot from his throbbing organ, landing on the giant's coat, couch, and

beard.Haggard recoiled, a look of fright

on his broad face. He tried to back away

from the spasming organ, but the jets of jizz seemed to follow him as he slid

away on the couch.Hairy felt his knees began to

buckle and he sat back down in his easy chair.

As his eyes began to refocus he saw Haggard wildly dabbing at the white

clots of spooge on his coat and beard with his soiled handkerchief. "Ah wish y'd given me some warning

there, Master Hairy. Don't much care for

the thought of some blokes seed all over me duds. It's a bit humiliatin'."Hairy felt an odd and sudden surge

of power flowing into him. It was an

exhilarating feeling that made his head swim.

It was almost as if the act of humiliating the giant had empowered him,

somehow. As Hairy looked at the fumbling

giant a sinister grin snaked across his face.

He had enjoyed debasing Haggard.

It wasn't as though he had anything against the huge mouse. It wasn't personal, but a feeling of

domination that enraptured the young wizard.

As Hairy smiled his sinister smile,

milking the last droplets from his slowly withering cock, he realized that he

had discovered the trick of his magic.

By humiliating others, like his aunt Petunia and now his new friend,

Haggard, Hairy had drawn power from them.And he liked the feeling. Hairy woke early the next morning.

He had his usual morning wood, and must have been dreaming about his aunt and

wished he could remember the dream. If

it was good enough it might be work a morning wank. Tap. Tap. Tap."All right," Hairy mumbled, "I'm

getting up."He sat up and Haggard's heavy,

spooge-encrusted coat fell off him. The hut was full of sunlight, the storm was

over, Haggard himself was asleep on the collapsed sofa, and there was an owl

rapping its claw on the win­dow, a newspaper held in its beak.Hairy scrambled to his feet, trying

vainly to conceal the pulsing erection that was tinting his shorts. He felt as though a large balloon was

swelling inside him and realized the increase in magic he had felt when

defiling Haggard where not temporary. He went straight to the window and

jerked it open. The owl swooped in and dropped the newspa­per on top of

Haggard, who didn't wake up but merely wiggled a little and let out a stream of

flatulence. The owl then fluttered onto the floor and began to attack the cum

stains on Haggard's coat."Don't do that."Hairy tried to wave the owl out of

the way, but it snapped its beak fiercely at him and carried on savaging the

coat."Haggard!" said Hairy loudly.

"There's an owl --""Pay him," Haggard grunted into

the sofa."What?""He wants payin' fer deliverin'

the paper. Look in the pockets." "Give him five Knuts," said Haggard sleepily."Knuts?""The little bronze ones."Hairy counted out five little

bronze coins, and the owl held out his leg so Hairy could put the money into a

small leather pouch tied to it. Then he flew off through the open window.Haggard yawned loudly, sat up, and

stretched."Best be off, Hairy, lots ter do

today, gotta get up ter London an' buy all yer stuff fer school."Haggard froze when he was Hairy's

jutting hard on distorting the teen's shorts.

He guiltily averted his eyes.Hairy saw Haggard's discomfort and

moved until he was standing in front of the giant, his hands on his hips, his

pelvis shoved forward. "Don't you just hate it when you

wake up with a huge, throbbing boner, Haggard?

I must have one every morning!"Haggard kept his gaze on the dirty

floorboards. "I gotta take a whiz," he

mumbled.Hairy was delighting in Haggard's

discomfort. He followed the giant to the

wash closet and saw that it's door was missing.

Hairy leaned against the wall, nonchalantly, and watched the giant empty

his bladder into the stained loo. "For such a big guy you got a tiny

dick, Haggard!" Hairy said gleefully.

Haggard hung his head in shame.

"Well, we can't all be cursed like yeh, Hairy.""I understand, but yours in no

bigger than my thumb!" Again, Hairy felt

the odd sensation of power building in his body, and felt that Haggard's own

power seemed to be diminishing. It

wasn't something you could see so much as feel.

It was as if the giant's aura was shrinking slightly. * *

• "Um -- Haggard?""Mm?" said Haggard, who was

pulling on his huge boots."I haven't got any money -- and you

heard Uncle Vernon last night... he won't pay for me to go and learn magic.""Don't worry about that," said

Haggard, standing up and scratch­ing his head. "D'yeh think yer parents didn't

leave yeh anything?""But if their house was destroyed

--""They didn' keep their gold in the

house, boy! Nah, first stop fer us is Gringotts. Wizards' bank. Have a sausage,

they're not bad cold -- an' I wouldn' say no teh a bit o' yer birthday cake,

neither.""Wizards have banks?'"Just the one. Gringotts. Run by

goblins."Hairy dropped the bit of sausage

he was holding."Goblins?""Yeah -- so yeh'd be mad ter try

an' rob it, I'll tell yeh that. Never mess with goblins, Hairy. Gringotts is

the safest place in the world fer anything yeh want ter keep safe --'cept maybe Hogfarts.

As a matter o' fact, I gotta visit Gringotts anyway. Fer Dumplesnore. Hogfarts

business." Haggard drew himself up proudly. "He usually gets me ter do

important stuff fer him. Fetchin' you -- gettin' things from Gringotts -- knows

he can trust me, see. Passersby stared a lot at Haggard and

Hairy as they walked through the little town to the station. Hairy couldn't

blame them. Not only was Haggard twice as tall as anyone else, and Hairy's

prominent package swaying as he walkedThey had reached the station.

There was a train to London in five minutes' time. Haggard, who didn't

understand "Muggle money," as he called it, gave the bills to Hairy so he could

buy their tickets. Hairy slipped the

change from the purchase into his pocket on the sly, and there was that surge

of power again.People stared more than ever on

the train. Haggard took up two seats and sat knitting what looked like a

canary-yellow circus tent. Hairy sat with his legs spread, giving all and

sundry a good look at the bulge in his trousers. The disapproving looks from the gents and the

hungry looks from the girls both made him feel proud."Still got yer letter, Hairy?" he

asked as he counted stitches.Hairy took the

parchment envelope out of his pocket."Good," said Haggard. "There's a

list there of everything yeh need."Hairy unfolded a second piece of

paper he hadn't noticed the night before, and read: HOGFARTS

SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRYUNIFORMFirst-year

students will require:1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or

similar)4. One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)Please note that

all pupils' clothes should carry name tags. Female students are reminded that

they must wear undergarments at all time.

Male students should wear suitably supportive undergarments, as

required. COURSE BOOKSAll students

should have a copy of each of the following: The Standard Book of Spells (Grade

1) by Miranda Goshawk A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot Magical Theory by

Adalbert Waffling A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch One

Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore Magical Draughts and Potions

by Arsenius JiggerFantastic Beasts and Where to

Find Them by Newt Scamander The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin

Trimble OTHER EQUIPMENT1 wand1 cauldron (pewter, standard size

2)1 set glass or crystal phials 1

telescope 1 set brass scales Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad

OR a snail PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST

YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS "Can we buy all this crap in

London?" Hairy wondered aloud."If yeh know where to go," said

Haggard with a sly smile.Haggard was so huge that he parted

the crowd easily; all Hairy had to do was keep close behind him. It wasn't so

much as Haggard's size as his offensive odor that cleared the way for the two. They

passed book shops and music stores, hamburger restaurants and cinemas, but

nowhere that looked as if it could sell you a magic wand. This was just an

ordinary street full of ordinary people. Could there really be piles of wizard

gold buried miles beneath them? Were there really shops that sold spell books

and broomsticks? Might this not all be some huge joke that the Dursleys had

cooked up? If Hairy hadn't known that the Dursleys had no sense of humor, he

might have thought so; yet somehow, even though everything Haggard had told him

so far was unbelievable, Hairy couldn't help trusting him."This is it," said Haggard, coming

to a halt, "the Leaky Condom. It's a famous place."It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub.

If Haggard hadn't pointed it out, Hairy wouldn't have noticed it was there. The

people hurrying by didn't glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big book shop

on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn't see the Leaky Condom

at all. In fact, Hairy had the most peculiar feeling that only he and Haggard

could see it. Before he could mention this, Haggard had steered him inside.Everyone in the tavern seemed to

know Haggard; they waved and smiled at him, and the bartender reached for a

glass, saying, "The usual, Haggard?""Can't, Tom, I'm on Hogfarts

business," said Haggard, clap­ping his great hand on Hairy's shoulder and

making Hairy's knees buckle."Good Lord," said the bartender,

peering at Hairy, "is this -- can this be -- ?"The Leaky Condom had suddenly gone

completely still and silent."Bless my soul," whispered the old

bartender, "Hairy Potter . . . what an honor."He hurried out from behind the

bar, rushed toward Hairy and seized his hand, tears in his eyes."Welcome back, Mr. Potter, welcome

back."Hairy didn't know what to say.

Everyone was looking at him. An old woman with the pipe was puffing on it

without realizing it had gone out. Haggard was beaming.Then there was a great scraping of

chairs and the next moment, Hairy found himself shaking hands with everyone in

the Leaky Condom."Doris Cockford, Mr. Potter, can't

believe I'm meeting you at last.""So proud, Mr. Potter, I'm just so

proud.""Always wanted to shake your hand

--- I'm all of a flutter." "Delighted, Mr. Potter, just can't tell you, Diggle's

the name, Dedalus Diggle."Hairy shook hands again and again

-- Doris Crockford kept coming back for more.Hairy was aware that each new

person he met in the tavern would greet his gaze, then, almost automatically, their

gaze would drift below his belt, as if seeking proof that he was, in fact, the

real Hairy Potter. After seeing his

crotch they would nod approvingly. A pale young man made his way

forward, very nervously. One of his eyes was twitching."Professor Quirrell!" said

Haggard. "Hairy, Professor Quirrell will be one of your teachers at Hogfarts.""P-P-Potter," stammered Professor

Quirrell, grasping Hairy's hand, "c-can't t-tell you how p-pleased I am to meet

you.""What sort of magic do you teach,

Professor Quirrell?""D-Defense Against the D-D-Dark

Arts," muttered Professor Quirrell, as though he'd rather not think about it.

"N-not that you n-need it, eh, P-P-Potter?" He laughed nervously. "You'll be

g-getting all your equipment, I suppose? I've g-got to p-pick up a new b-book

on vampires, m-myself." He looked terrified at the very thought."You've got quite a s-s-stutter,

Professor," Hairy laughed. Quirrell seem

to visibly shrink from the mockery, much to Hairy's satisfaction. The entire tavern took up Hairy's laugh.Hairy noticed that everyone seemed

to want to be his friend, but that there was a strange fear motivating them, as

if they could not be his friend then they would be his target.Haggard came to Quirrell's rescue,

"Must get on -- lots ter buy. Come on, Hairy."Doris Cockford shook Hairy's hand

one last time, and Haggard led them through the bar and out into a small,

walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a trash can and a few weeds.Haggard grinned at Hairy."Told yeh, didn't I? Told yeh you

was famous. Even Professor Quirrell was tremblin' ter meet yeh -- mind you, he's

usually tremblin'. But didja haf' to

embarrass the Professor like that? Ah

mean, he's a sensitive sort.""Fuck 'em," Hairy said, feeling

fresh power coursing through his body.Haggard shook his head sadly and

began counting bricks in the wall above the trash can."Three up . . . two across . . ."

he muttered. "Right, stand back, Hairy."He tapped the wall three times

with one knuckle.The brick he had touched quivered

-- it wriggled -- in the mid­dle, a small hole appeared -- it grew wider and wider

-- a second later they were facing an archway large enough even for Haggard, an

archway onto a cobbled street that twisted and turned out of sight."Welcome," said Haggard, "to Diagon

Alley."He grinned at Hairy's amazement.

They stepped through the archway. Hairy looked quickly over his shoulder and

saw the arch­way shrink instantly back into solid wall.The sun shone brightly on a stack

of cauldrons outside the near­est shop. Cauldrons -- All Sizes -- Copper, Brass,

Pewter, Sil­ver -- Self-Stirring -- Collapsible, said a sign hanging over them."Yeah, you'll be needin' one,"

said Haggard, "but we gotta get yer money first."Hairy wished he had about eight

more eyes. He turned his head in every direction as they walked up the street,

trying to look at everything at once: the shops, the things outside them, the

people doing their shopping. There was an Apothecary, clothiers, eateries, and

every manner of magic shop. There was a

shop that apparently only sold brooms.

And a store for owls. There was

even a shop that sold magical sex aids and potions. "Gringotts," announced Haggard.They had reached a snowy white

building that towered over the other little shops. Standing beside its burnished

bronze doors, wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold, was --"Yeah, that's a goblin," said

Haggard quietly as they walked up the white stone steps toward him. The goblin

was about a head shorter than Hairy. He had a swarthy, clever face, a pointed

beard and, Hairy noticed, very long fingers and feet. He bowed as they walked

inside. A pair of goblins bowed them

through the silver doors and they were in a vast marble hall. About a hundred

more goblins were sitting on high stools behind a long counter, scribbling in

large ledgers, weighing coins in brass scales, examining precious stones

through eyeglasses. There were too many doors to count leading off the hall,

and yet more goblins were showing people in and out of these. Haggard and Hairy

made for the counter."Blimy, these goblin's are

horrid-looking fucks. They must have to

sneak up on a pussy to get any," Hairy chuckled.Suddenly, every eye in the bank

was on Hairy. Instead of blushing, Hairy

just gave them all a toothy smile and a slight wave of his hand."Hairy," Haggard hissed, "don't

piss off these goblins!""Fuck 'em."The two approached a tellers

window."Morning," said Haggard to goblin

behind the cage. "We've come ter take some money outta Mr. Hairy Potter's

safe.""You have his key, sir?""Got it here somewhere," said

Haggard, and he started emptying his pockets onto the counter, scattering a

handful of moldy dog biscuits, lint, and bits of string over the goblin's book

of numbers. The goblin wrinkled his nose. Hairy watched the goblin on their

right weighing a pile of ru­bies as big as glowing coals."Got it," said Haggard at last,

holding up a tiny golden key.The goblin looked at it closely."That seems to be in order.""An' I've also got a letter here

from Professor Dumplesnore," said Haggard importantly, throwing out his chest.

"It's about the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen."The goblin read the letter

carefully."Very well," he said, handing it

back to Haggard, "I will have someone take you down to both vaults. Griphook!"Griphook was yet another goblin.

Once Haggard had crammed all the dog biscuits back inside his pockets, he and Hairy

followed Griphook toward one of the doors leading off the hall."What's the You-Know-What in vault

seven hundred and thir­teen?" Hairy asked."Can't tell yeh that," said

Haggard mysteriously. "Very secret. Hogfarts business. Dumplesnore's trusted

me. More'n my job's worth ter tell yeh that."Griphook led Hairy and Haggard

through a darkened maze of tunnels until they came to a huge door in a cavern. Griphook

unlocked the door. A lot of green smoke came billow­ing out, and as it cleared,

Hairy gasped. Inside were mounds of gold coins. Columns of silver. Heaps of

little bronze Knuts. Pearls, diamonds, a crate of illegal firearms and what

appeared to be cellophane-wrapped packages of cocaine."All yours," smiled Haggard.Haggard helped Hairy pile some of

it into a bag. They were going even deeper now into

the bowels of the bank.Vault seven hundred and thirteen

had no keyhole."Stand back," said Griphook

importantly. He stroked the door gently with one of his long fingers and it

simply melted away."If anyone but a Gringotts goblin

tried that, they'd be sucked through the door and trapped in there," said

Griphook."How often do you check to see if

anyone's inside?" Hairy asked."About once every ten years," said

Griphook with a rather nasty grin.Something really extraordinary had

to be inside this top security vault, Hairy was sure, and he leaned forward

eagerly, expecting to see fabulous jewels at the very least -- but at first he

thought it was empty. Then he noticed a grubby little package wrapped up in

brown paper lying on the floor. Haggard picked it up and tucked it deep inside

his coat. Hairy longed to know what it was, but knew better than to ask."Come on, back in this infernal

cart, and don't talk to me on the way back, it's best if I keep me mouth shut,"

said Haggard.After they left Gringotts, Hairy

didn't know where to run first now that he had a bag full of money. He didn't

have to know how many Galleons there were to a pound to know that he was

holding more money than he'd had in his whole life -- more money than even

Dudley had ever had."Tell me, Haggard, do they have a

witches whorehouse on this street? I'd

sure like to get some strange now that I got the cash.""Nonsense, Hairy. Wit' yer reputation yeh'll be getting so much

fresh fanny at Hogfarts yeh won't know what t' do wit' it all. Steer clear of the poxied whore here!"

Haggard offered with a wink."Might as well get yer uniform,"

said Haggard, nodding toward Madam Merkin's Robes for All Occasions. "Listen, Hairy,

would yeh mind if I slipped off fer a pick-me-up in the Leaky Condom?""Suit yourself, Haggard, but I

suspect that one of your main responsibilities on this trip is to see to me, so

don't wander far. I'd hate to have to

tell Dumplesnore that I got lost because you needed a snootful.""Ah' promise, Master Potter. I won't let you down," Haggard said

pleadingly."See that you don't," Hairy warned

sternly.Hairy entered Madam Merkin's shop

alone, feeling nervous.Madam Merkin was an attractive,

thirty-ish, smiling bunny witch dressed all in mauve."Hogfarts, dear?" she said, when Hairy

started to speak. "Got the lot here -- another young man being fitted up just

now, in fact."In the back of the shop, a boy

with a pale, pointed face was standing on a footstool while a second witch

pinned up his long black robes. Madam Merkin stood Hairy on a stool next to

him, slipped a long robe over his head, and began to pin it to the right

length."Hello," said the boy, "Hogfarts,

too?""Yes," said Hairy."My father's next door buying my

books and Mother's up the street looking at wands," said the boy."That must make your father

jealous!" Hairy laughed.The other boy just looked confused. He had a bored, drawling voice. "Then I'm

going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first years

can't have their own. I think I'll bully Fa­ther into getting me one and I'll

smuggle it in somehow."Hairy was strongly reminded of Dudley."Have you got your own broom?" the

boy went on."No," said Hairy."Play Quidditch at all?""No," Hairy said again, wondering

what on earth Quidditch could be."I do -- Father says it's a crime

if I'm not picked to play for my House, and I must say, I agree. Know what

House you'll be in yet?""No," said Hairy, feeling more

stupid by the minute and resenting it more by the minute."Well, no one really knows until

they get there, do they, but I know I'll be in Slipitin, all our family have

been -- imagine be­ing in Huff'n'puff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?""Mmm," said Hairy, wishing he

could say something a bit more interesting."I say, look at that man!" said

the boy suddenly, nodding toward the front window. Haggard was standing there,

grinning at Hairy and pointing at two large ice creams to show he couldn't come

in."That's Haggard," said Hairy,

pleased to know something the boy didn't. "He works at Hogfarts.""Oh," said the boy, "I've heard of

him. He's a sort of servant, isn't he?""He's the gamekeeper," said Hairy.

He was liking the boy less and less every second."Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort

of savage -- lives in a hut on the school grounds and every now and then he gets

drunk, tries to do magic, and ends up setting fire to his bed.""I think he's brilliant," said Hairy

coldly."Do you?" said the boy, with a slight sneer. "Why is he with you? Where

are your parents?""They're dead," said Hairy

shortly. He didn't feel much like go­ing into the matter with this boy."Oh, sorry," said the other, not

sounding sorry at all. "But they were our kind, weren't they?""They were a witch and wizard, if

that's what you mean.""I really don't think they should

let the other sort in, do you? They're just not the same, they've never been

brought up to know our ways. Some of them have never even heard of Hogfarts

until they get the letter, imagine. I think they should keep it in the old

wizarding families. What's your surname, anyway?"But before Hairy could answer, Madam Merkin said, "That's you done, my dear," and Hairy, not sorry

for an excuse to stop talk­ing to the boy, hopped down from the footstool."Well, I'll see you at Hogfarts, I

suppose," said the drawling boy.Madam Merkin stood back, and at

her chin, and sized up Hairy. Her pupils widened when she saw the bulge in the

lad's slacks. "I think I will need to measure

you. . . for your uniform," she purred.

"Come along."Merkin led Hairy to a more private

fitting room and kneeled before the young mouse. She unlooped a measuring tape from around her

neck and asked, "Do you dress right or left?"Hairy had a blank look on his

face."Um, how do I put this. . . do you

dress with your organ down the left leg or the right leg of your trousers?""I never really thought about it,

ma'am." Hairy could feel the color

rising in his cheeks."No matter," Merkin smiled at

Hairy, then stretched the measuring tape from the cuff on one leg to Hairy's

crotch. Her warm hand nestled against

his dangling cock made it twitch and stir.

Merkin kept her hand under the boy's junk while she spoke."Let's see, 30 inseam. . ."The young wizard looked down at

Merkin's up-turned face. She was really

quite pretty, perhaps a bit too much makeup for his taste, but lovely eyes and

full, sensual lips. His cock had passed

the threshold stage and was now fully awake, widening and hardening

rapidly. He could see his

always-prominent bulge growing visibly.

The growth was not lost on the seamstress."Oh my! Did I cause that?" she winked up at the

mouse."I'm frightfully sorry, ma'am!" Hairy

sputtered. "Don't be. It's quite all right, seriously. You're the Potter boy, are you not? I've heard all about you and your, er,

curse." Merkin's eyes were ablaze with animal lust."Yes ma'am. I'm Hairy Potter."By now Merkin's palm was on the outside

of Hairy's burgeoning erection, massaging it ever so slightly. He could feel the warmth of her hand on his

jagged sock scar."I will have to use all my skill

to design trousers for this monster," she grinned. "Let's just let this creature breathe a

little, shall we?"Merkin deftly unzipped the mouse's

pants, tugging the zipper over his ever-tightening crotch. She reached in a fished out his wanger. Freed from its prison his cock now rapidly

filled and expanded in the cool air of the tailor shop. Merkin's eyes went from his cock,

to Hairy's eyes, then back again. She

chuckled her approval."I don't get the occasion to see

many like this in my little establishment, Mister Potter. It's a rare treat for me, I confess. Mostly I deal with your other Hogfarts

classmates, and they are decidedly lacking your dimensions. May I?"Hairy wasn't sure what it was

Merkin was asking, but he was so fired up he would have agreed to any request

at that point. "Yes, of course," he stammered.Merkin slowly brought her full,

ripe lips to the flared, angry-looking head of the boy's cock. Her tongue snakes out and tickled his cock

slit. Hairy sucked in his breath and his

eyes rolled up in his head. He didn't

see, but felt, as her warm, wet mouth enveloped about a quarter of his length.Hairy's body went ridged, then his

hips began a slow, methodical movement to match those of the seamstress.Merkin pulled her lips off his

organ with a loud SLURP. Her hand kept

up a steady pace jerking his fat willy as she said, "It's been so long since

I've had a real man like this!""Take. . .take your time, if it

pleases you, ma'am," Hairy whined.Outside the shop, an inpatient

Haggard felt foolish, standing with two melted ice cream cones in his mitts.After what seemed like an hour to

Hairy (but was more like fifteen minutes) Merkin once again disengaged his cock

from her yaw and asked, in a pleading voice, "I want you to jizz in my mouth,

Mister Potter!" But Hairy had other plans. At the moment of his release,

Hairy roughly grabbed the back on Merkin's hair and pulled her face off his

twitching organ. At precisely the same

instant he began dumping his hot load on the rabbit's upturned face. Hairy spewed as he had never

spewed before, squirting a mighty deposit of sticky mouse seed on the woman's

face, shoulders, hair and dress. His

batter quickly coated her glasses and ran down from her chin in thick rivulets

that drained onto the front of her chest, soaking the material of her fashionable

working attire. Hairy milked the

remainder of his load with a free hand."Oh my!" Merkin said, in a gasping

breath, her voice filled with wonderment and surprise. "You've soiled my dress! I must look a total mess. Now, you just relax here while I tidy myself

up a bit.""No. You will return to the shop as-is, ma'am." Hairy was a surprised at his words as was

Merkin.But the seamstress seemed

powerless to resist his demand. She slowly stood up, turned, and went back into

her shop. As Hairy reaffixed his

trousers he could hear one of her co-workers exclaiming, "What happened to you,

Madam Merkin?"Hairy could feel Merkin's power

flowing into his body, and he smiled at his accomplishment. Hairy looked at the giant with the

two wads of melted icecream in his paws.

"Sorry for the delay,

Haggard. I must have been hard to fit." "What's up?" said Haggard."Nothing," Hairy lied. He could

feel his balls ache with the recent strain.They stopped to buy parchment and

quills. Hairy cheered up a bit when he found a bottle of ink that changed color

as you wrote. When they had left the shop, he said, "Haggard, what's

Quidditch?""Blimey, Hairy, I keep forgettin'

how little yeh know -- not knowin' about Quidditch! It's our sport. Wizard

sport. It's like -- like soccer in the Muggle world -- everyone follows Quidditch

-- played up in the air on broomsticks and there's four balls -- sorta hard ter

explain the rules.""But I've only got two balls,

Haggard," Hairy said with a sly smile."No, no. Yeh plat with two. . . aw, yer funnin' me, ain't

cha?""And what are Slipitin and Huff'n'puff?""School Houses. There's four.

Everyone says Huff'n'puff are a lot o' duffers, but --""I bet I'm in Huff'n'puff," said Hairy

gloomily."Better Huff'n'puff than Slipitin,"

said Haggard darkly. "There's not a single witch or wizard who went bad who

wasn't in Slipitin. You-Know-Who was one.""Vol-, sorry -- You-Know-Who was at

Hogfarts?""Years an' years ago," said

Haggard.They bought Hairy's school books

in a shop called Flourish and Blotts where the shelves were stacked to the

ceiling with books as large as paving stones bound in leather; books the size

of postage stamps in covers of silk; books full of peculiar symbols and a few

books with nothing in them at all. There was even some books on witch and

wizard pornography, which surprised Hairy.

Even Dudley, who never read anything, would have been wild to get his

hands on some of these. Haggard almost had to drag Hairy away from Curses and

Counter­curses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest

Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and Much, Much More) by Professor

Vindictus Viridian."I was trying to find out how to

curse Dudley.""I'm not sayin' that's not a good

idea, but yer not ter use magic in the Muggle world except in very special

circumstances," said Haggard. "An' anyway, yeh couldn' work any of them curses

yet, yeh'll need a lot more study before yeh get ter that level."Outside of a Apothecary, Haggard

checked Hairy's list again."Just yer wand left -- oh yeah, an'

I still haven't got yeh a birth­day present."Hairy felt himself go red."You don't have to --""I know I don't have to. Tell yeh

what, I'll get yer animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago,

yeh'd be laughed at -- an' I don' like cats, they make me sneeze. I'll get yer

an owl. All the kids want owls, they're dead useful, carry yer mail an'

everythin'."Twenty minutes later, they left

Eeylops Owl Emporium, which had been dark and full of rustling and flickering,

jewel-bright eyes. Hairy now carried a large cage that held a beautiful snowy

owl, fast asleep with her head under her wing. He couldn't stop stammering his

thanks, sounding just like Professor Quirrell."Don' mention it," said Haggard

gruffly. "Don' expect you've had a lotta presents from them Dursleys. Just

Ollivanders left now -- only place fer wands, Ollivanders, and yeh gotta have

the best wand."A magic wand . . . this was what Hairy

had been really looking forward to.The last shop was narrow and

shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Makers of Fine

Wands since 382 B.C. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty

window.A tinkling bell rang somewhere in

the depths of the shop as they stepped inside. It was a tiny place, empty

except for a single, spindly chair that Haggard sat on to wait. Hairy felt

strangely as though he had entered a very strict library; he swallowed a lot of

new questions that had just occurred to him and looked instead at the thousands

of narrow boxes piled neatly right up to the ceiling. For some reason, the back

of his neck prickled. The very dust and silence in here seemed to tingle with

some secret magic."Good afternoon," said a soft

voice. Hairy jumped. Haggard must have jumped, too, because there was a loud

crunching noise and he got quickly off the spindly chair.An old man was standing before

them, his wide, pale eyes shin­ing like moons through the gloom of the shop."Hello," said Hairy awkwardly."Ah yes," said the man. "Yes, yes.

I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Hairy Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have

your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her

first wand. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand

for charm work."Mr. Ollivander moved closer to Hairy.

Hairy wished he would blink. Those silvery eyes were a bit creepy."Your father, on the other hand,

favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and

excellent for trans­figuration. Well, I say your father favored it -- it's

really the wand that chooses the wizard, of course.""I'm sorry to say I sold the wand

that did that," he said softly, pointing a Hairy's distended crotch.

"Thirteen-and-a-half incher. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the

wrong hands . . . well, if I'd known what that wand was going out into the

world to do. . . ."He shook his head and then, to Hairy's

relief, spotted Haggard."Rubeus! Rubeus Haggard! How nice

to see you again. . . . Oak, sixteen inches, rather bendy, wasn't it?""It was, sir, yes," said Haggard."Good wand, that one. But I

suppose they snapped it in half when you got expelled?" said Mr. Ollivander,

suddenly stern."Er -- yes, they did, yes," said

Haggard, shuffling his feet. "I've still got the pieces, though," he added

brightly."But you don't use them?" said Mr.

Ollivander sharply."Oh, no, sir," said Haggard

quickly. Hairy noticed he gripped his pink umbrella very tightly as he spoke."Hmmm," said Mr. Ollivander,

giving Haggard a piercing look. "Well, now -- Mr. Potter. Let me see." He pulled

a long tape mea­sure with silver markings out of his pocket. "Which is your

wand arm?""Er -- well, I'm right-handed,"

said Hairy."Hold out your arm. That's it." He

measured Hairy from shoul­der to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to

floor, knee to armpit and round his head. As he measured, he said, "Every

Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr. Potter. We use

unicorn hairs, phoenix tail feathers, and the heartstrings of dragons. No two

Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two unicorns, dragons, or phoenixes

are quite the same. And of course, you will never get such good results with

another wizard's wand." Hairy suddenly realized that the tape measure, which

was mea­suring between his nostrils, was doing this on its own. Mr. Olli­vander

was flitting around the shelves, taking down boxes."That will do," he said, and the

tape measure crumpled into a heap on the floor. "Right then, Mr. Potter. Try

this one. Beech- wood and dragon heartstring. Nine inches. Nice and flexible.

Just take it and give it a wave."Hairy took the wand and (feeling

foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander snatched it out of his hand

almost at once."Maple and phoenix feather. Seven

inches. Quite whippy. Try--"Hairy tried -- but he had hardly

raised the wand when it, too, was snatched back by Mr. Ollivander."No, no -- here, ebony and unicorn

hair, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out."Hairy tried. And tried. He had no

idea what Mr. Ollivander was waiting for. The pile of tried wands was mounting

higher and higher on the spindly chair, but the more wands Mr. Ollivander

pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become."Tricky customer, eh? Not to

worry, we'll find the perfect match here somewhere -- I wonder, now -- yes, why

not -- a very rare material, thirteen-incher, nice and supple."Hairy took the wand. He felt a

sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wand above his head, brought it

swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot

from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.

Haggard whooped and clapped and Mr. Ollivander cried, "Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed,

oh, very good. Well, well, well . . . how curious . . . how very curious . . ."He put Hairy's wand back into its

box and wrapped it in brown paper, still muttering, "Curious . . . curious . .

.""Sorry," said Hairy, "but what's

curious?"Mr. Ollivander fixed Hairy with

his pale stare."I remember every wand I've ever

sold, Mr. Potter. Every single wand. It so happens that baculum in your wand came from the rare golden

unicorn."Hairy swallowed. "What sort of wood is baculum, sir?"Mr. Ollivander chuckled softly,

his eyes aglow. "Wood? Heavens no!

Baculum is bone, young sir. Specifically

the bone found in the reproductive organ of certain species.""You mean. . ." Hairy gushed."Quite! Your wand is the cock bone of a unicorn!" The late afternoon sun hung low in

the sky as Hairy and Haggard made their way back down Diagon Alley, back

through the wall, back through the Leaky Cauldron, now empty. Hairy didn't

speak at all as they walked down the road; he didn't even notice how much

people were gawking at them on the Underground, laden as they were with all

their funny-shaped packages, with the snowy owl asleep in its cage on Hairy's

lap. Up another escalator, out into Paddington station; Hairy only realized

where they were when Haggard tapped him on the shoulder."Got time fer a bite to eat before

yer train leaves," he said.He bought Hairy a hamburger and

they sat down on plastic seats to eat them. Hairy kept looking around.

Everything looked so strange, somehow."You all right, Hairy? Yer very

quiet," said Haggard.Hairy wasn't sure he could

explain. He'd just had the best birth­day of his life -- and yet -- he chewed his

hamburger, trying to find the words."Everyone thinks I'm special," he

said at last. "All those people in the Leaky Cauldron, Professor Quirrell, Mr.

Ollivander . . . but I don't know anything about magic at all. How can they

expect great things? I'm famous and I can't even remember what I'm famous for.

I don't know what happened when Vol-, sorry -- I mean, the night my parents

died."Haggard leaned across the table.

Behind the wild beard and eye­brows he wore a very kind smile."Don' you worry, Hairy. You'll

learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogfarts, you'll be just

fine. Just be yer-self. I know it's hard. Yeh've been singled out, an' that's

always hard. But yeh'll have a great time at Hogfarts -- I did -- still do, 'smatter

of fact."Haggard helped Hairy on to the

train that would take him back to the Dursleys, then handed him an envelope."Yer ticket fer Hogfarts," he

said. "First o' September -- King's Cross -- it's all on yer ticket. Any problems

with the Dursleys, send me a letter with yer owl, she'll know where to find me.

. . . See yeh soon, Hairy."The train pulled out of the

station. Hairy wanted to watch Haggard until he was out of sight; he rose in

his seat and pressed his nose against the window, but he blinked and Haggard

had gone.