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RvB season 1 ep 3: The Rookies

"Hey that's not what happened!" Simmons yelled at his young partner from the top of red base.

"Yes it is. You said "I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-" the young fox was begging to say before being cut off by a slightly younger looking raccoon.

"Excuse me eh, sirs." He said.

"Sirs?" "Ah crap..." Griff sighed realizing the young spartan was the new guy.

" I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge?" The raccoon said timidly looking at the two older spartans.

"Sorry man, Sarge is at command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today." Griff said to the raccoon.

"Actually private, he left me in charge while he's gone." Simmons said.

"You are such a kiss-ass." Griff said to his partner who began to ignore him.

"Also he told me if I had any trouble from you I should..."git in the Warthog and crush your head like a tomato-can." Simmons said finishing his impersonation of Sarge.

"That's the worst impression I've ever heard." Griff said teasing his partner.

"Okay Rookie, what's your story?" Simmons asked as the raccoon smiled and began to salute.

"Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens." Donut said before standing at cease.

"Couple things here, rookie. First off, private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?" Griff said mockingly.

"This is standard issue red." Said Donut as he checked his armor for stains.

" Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer." Griff said to the Raccoon.

"Well, he's wearing red armor." Donut said referring to Simmons.

"No, my armor is maroon your armor is red." Simmons said to Donut in a insulted tone.

"Well how do I get a different armor color?" The obvious newb said to his superiors.

"I bet the blues don't have to put up whit this kind of crap." Simmons said in a annoyed manor.

Meanwhile at the blue base Church and Tucker sat in front of a extremely dim witted lizard who just happened to be the new guy.

" So I say to the guy, "how're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship" and I go, "if you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?" The lizard said to the two extremely board spartans.

"Hey kid." Tucker said while jumping down from his spot on the tank.

"Yeah?" Said the lizard said.

"Your ruining the moment shut up." Tucker said.

"Oh okay you got it man" the lizard said to Tucker.

" You know what? I could blow up the whole God damn world with this thing." Church said smiling at the massive tool of destruction.

Mean while back at the red base Griff and Simmons came up whit a plan to get rid of Donut for a while.

"Okay private Donut here's the deal." Simmons said to the new as his partner began to quietly snicker.

"I refuse to call him Private Donut!" Griff yelled from the other side of the base as Simmons threw him a annoyed look.

"We've got a very important mission for you, you think you can handle it?" Tucker said as the raccoon began to smile.

"Absolutely!" Donut yelled in Simmon's face causing him to jump back a few inches.

" We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of Elbow Grease." Simmons lied to the newb.

" Yeah and um, pick up some Headlight Fluid for the Puma too." Griff added in as Donut began to stare at him in question.

"The what" Donut asked as Simmons face palmed the visor of his helmet.

"He means the 'Warthog'." Simmons said in a annoyed tone.

"You do know where the store is right rookie?" Griff asked.

" What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem." Donut said as he began to run across the base.

"Other way." Griff said in a annoyed tone.

" I knew that. Just, got turned around, that's all." Donut said as he turned around and began to run around the canyon.

" How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?" Simmons asked.

"I say at least a week." His friend said as they both began to laugh.

Donut then stopped where he stood and began to speak to himself.

" Elbow Grease, how stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that Headlight Fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sargeant." Donut said as continued to sprint towards the blue base.

Meanwhile at the blue base Church and Tucker continued to chat about there current subject the tank.

" You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece." Tucker said as a died grin crossed Church's face as he began to teas his partner.

" Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?" Church asked as he began to slightly laugh.

" Church, women are like Voltron. The more you can hook up, the better it gets." Tucker said as Church face palmed.

Mean while at the red base Griff and Simmons continued to laugh at the gullible raccoon as he continued to run through the canyon.

"You think we where to mean to the kid?" Simmons asked his partner.

" Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?" Griff said as Donut began to approach the blue base.

" Finally, there it is. OH SWEET, THEY SELL TANKS!" Donut yelled as he saw green clad killing machine he then began to sprint towards the entrance to the base.

To be continued...

A/N: "Hey guys can ya believe it Caboose is here!!" "Yaa I'm the best Spartan ever!" Caboose yelled while jumping up and down. "Yeah you are!" "High-Five!!!" I then lift up my hand as Caboose accidentally slaps my face causing my nose to bleed. "Owch!" "Sorry..." Caboose said as he began to look down. "Its all right man, by the way I do not own Red vs Blue or any of its characters peace out!!!" I yell as I preform the Jimmy Fallon falling backwards gag.