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#6 of Place Called Home
I don't know what part of me became self-aware first. It's hard to explain. Your foot goes numb
in your sleep. Does your mind recognize that it is your foot, or does your foot force your mind
to react without knowledge?
Suffice to say, I became aware of something. Something wrong. And beneath the inky black depths
of my unyielding slumber, I stirred.
I can not say if it was a moment or a lifetime. It felt like both. But I struggled. I tried to
pull myself out of it. To arise. To awake.
I was aware but could do nothing. I could feel but not see. I ached but I could not hear.
I felt motion but I couldn't tell what of me moved. Just that it came and left without my help.
I struggled. I tried to pull myself out of it.
To arise.
To awake.
I faded from my awareness, slipped back beneath the inky, murky depths of forced slumber. I wanted
nothing more than to be free of those chains but they bound me tight, and for a long time... or was
it just a moment... I could do nothing.
Arise... awake... fight...
Fight... The fight... the council, the fire... where was I? Was I dead? Alive? Lost? Safe?
I was aware. I remembered. I dreamed. Vividly.
I saw Amy standing beside me, slender, gentle girl holding her arms around herself awkwardly as she
shivered in the cold. I wanted to reach out to comfort her, but I could do nothing. I was beside her
and then, beneath her. And I felt the pressure on my chest, my vision obscured.
I was being buried.
No! I shouted at myself mentally, I struggled, I fought. The dream faded... and I knew it to be a
dream as the next one came to me.
Heather, sitting next to me, head in my lap, relaxing, smiling up at me. I could see the smile in her
eyes more than her face. Canine structure doesn't work too well for the emotive. Her presence was the
greatest comfort. Her warmth, her steadfast look. She stayed with me a long time.
I felt at peace, though I knew it could not last.
Was it a moment, or an eternity that I dreamed? How long had I slumbered? I was aware again. I could hear.
The rhythmic hiss-click of machinery, subtle, dulled noises echoing in my head like a distant storm.
Occasionally I heard noises I could make out. Footsteps, conversation, doors opening, doors shutting. The sound of birds, and traffic. It swirled around me, and for a while I knew everything, and nothing.
How long had I lost myself to the noise? Was it a day or a week? I wished I could open my eyes.
To arise.
To awake.
And then my wish was granted.
Bright. Brilliant light. Like staring into the sun, only brighter. Everything hurt. I tried to move,
tried to struggle but could not.
I coughed, and moaned as a tube was pulled out of my mouth. The bright light made me feel like my head
would split, or perhaps already had...
I heard voices but couldn't make them out through the torrent of blood rushing through my head. I was dizzy, nauseous. I gasped for breath and curled, heaving bitter bile to the floor.
Despite my glossary of expletives, I have no words to sum up how much it hurt. It was as though every nerve in my body simultaneously awoke to scream at me. As though my skin was afire, and my bones turned inside out within me.
The scent of my vomit was nauseating and the sound of motion around me deafening. And I realized with creeping horror that I just shifted.
In front of total strangers.
I tried to move but I couldn't make my legs work. I couldn't lift my head.
I felt in my mind the creeping dread of knowing... of knowing...
I was fucked, and not in any good way.
It was the last thing I was aware of before the disturbing, inky blackness of sleep claimed me once
more. If it weren't for the small mercies I'd think the fates loved toying with me.
My eyes opened and adjusted to a state of semi-dark. I was restrained, muzzled. Caged. I wanted to move but could barely whimper.
"Easy there, boy. You'll be okay." A soft voice whispered to me as slender fingertips reached in from above me, freeing me from the muzzle.
I looked up, and saw a slender redhead staring down at me. She didn't say a word. Long moments passed in silence before she spoke. "Sorry about the box, can't let you wander around just yet, but I'll fill you in."
I tilted my head, and relaxed again. I didn't make an effort to respond, just let my tail tap lightly on the box.
"Gave us all quite a scare, what with the transforming between comas. The council in particular has been most worried about it's newest son. At least, that's what they say aloud. Behind closed doors they're all just relieved that they took the precautions they did in filling hospitals with ... knowledgeable medical staff. Still, from what I hear, smuggling you out was quite the tall order. Window cleaners, scaffolds, a get-away van... and a hired actor to sneak out for the hall cameras. Was quite a show." She said, laughing. "Made the news for weeks."
She sighed quietly as a knock came at the door. "Yes, come in, he's awake." She said aloud, making me wince with the sudden change in volume. She whispered an apology to me, and rubbed at my sensitive ears.
"Think he can stand?" Erik, his unmistakable, stoic alto. I was relieved to hear his voice.
"He'd better, I'm not carrying his fluffy ass out." Diego, making sure I heard him loud and clear.
I tried to speak but couldn't make the words come. It came out like I'd filled my mouth with paper.
"Shit, is he still muzzled?" Diego asked, walking briskly over to me. "No. Just laying there. Lazy."
I sighed as he opened the box, and crawled out. I tried to stand but my legs were shaky, weak. I ended up curling up by the feet of the woman who talked me into consciousness first.
Her feet smelled nice, like fresh cut grass, and clean leather. I tried to stand again and she knelt down, helping me up. Her arms wrapped around me, supporting me as I took another shaky step. I sat, and looked up at her, finding words at last.
"How long?" I slurred out slightly, tongue felt heavy, leaden in my mouth.
"Hmm? Oh... I don't know. Maybe a month before you're chasing a Frisbee with the best of them." She said, eyes betraying her hidden laughter.
"Not funny... oh hell... yes it was..." I said, forcing the words out, and leaning my head against her knee. "Month... long time... how long was I out?" I asked, grateful that it was getting easier.
"A few months. It's September, the fifteenth." She said, running her hands over me, sympathetic look in her eyes.
"Feels like it should be longer." I said, leaning into her touch, eyes closing of their own accord.
"Should we leave you two alone?" Diego asked, arching a brow at me. "Could give you guys a little bit to take care of your heavy petting."
The girl laughed, and nodded. "Sure, I'll make it a quickie."
"Wait, what?" I asked, tilting my head up at her.
Diego laughed, escorting Erik from the room, who gave us a long, drawn out sigh before flashing a thumb up over his shoulder.
What the hell did they just get me into?
"What's wrong?" She asked, running her hands over my belly. "Don't you like it?"
"I'm just kind of wondering where the hell this came from." I replied, shivering at her fingertips.
A long moment passed before I spoke again, a single word of complaint. "Cold."
"Sorry, but I have to check your heart and breathing. You're still weak, but at least you're awake. Cute when you're asleep though." She said, as I opened my eyes.
A dream... I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed. I was, however, quite erect. I shifted, trying to conceal it. The lady rolled her eyes at me.
"Well, it seems someone likes it cold." She said, grinning. "You drifted off after finding out how long you'd been out. Having good dreams?"
I closed my eyes, turned away slightly. "You could say that."
"Oh do tell!" She said, giggling, touching a fingertip to my nose.
"Not much to tell, didn't get to the good part." I said, nipping lightly at her fingertip. "Maybe I'll get lucky and one of the ladies in my pack will look after me tonight." I said, finally relaxing, and laying back on the table as she continued her examination.
"I bet they'd line up to take their turn." She said, running a hand through the fur of my chest. "Not just because you're so damn big... they've all been worried sick about you.... be damned if you aren't big though. Could you at least try to tuck that thing away? Males..." She said, sighing, though she didn't seem to mind glancing at it when she wasn't writing on a clip board or prodding me with some tool or another.
Finally, it withdrew of it's own accord, for which I was somewhat grateful. I sighed, stretching. Something popped rather disconcertingly, but I felt better for it all the same. "Still feel so damn tired... How the hell can someone sleep for three months and be tired?" I asked.
"Coma and sleep are not one and the same." She said, nodding. "Don't worry, you recovered from your injuries, from the trauma. You'll get your strength back. Like I said, a month before you're chasing a Frisbee with the best of them." She said, patting my head. "Now, hold still while I give you a few shots."
"Great, needles." I muttered, but didn't argue as she injected me with this and that. "So what's all the medicine for, anyway?" I asked, arching up to gnaw at my leg. She made it itch.
"The usual travel nonsense. Your pack's out taking care of the travel arrangements. Now... I need you to shift, and put on your new clothes." She said, smiling.
"New clothes?" I asked, sitting up. "I guess they couldn't let me wear the old ones anymore." I said in resignation. "Anyway, It'll be nice to be on two legs again." I said, as I shifted back. "Assuming I can stand." I added, after the fact, testing my luck.
Glue two tennis balls to the ground, and try to stand on them, one foot on each. That's how it felt for me at first. Almost fell backwards, twice. Finally I got the hang of walking again, and got dressed.
It was nice, standing up, running my fingers through my hair, shaggy though it was. I'd need a trim.
Nice to have clothing, though the pants felt loose on me. I'd lost a lot of weight. Still, black pants, black shoes, black shirt, black over-shirt with awesome designs... even with needing a shave and haircut, it was nice to see myself in the mirror again. Obviously Rachel had been paying attention to the clothes I wore. More than I did, at any rate.
I realized then how much I missed her. Missed them. All of them. My pack, my family. The people I was at home with, no matter where we were. They grew on me so quickly I never thought about it. Never realized how quickly it all just... fit.
"So, now what?" I asked, looking over at her.
"We get your hair cut, you shaved, and prepare your new paperwork." She said, nodding.
"New paperwork?" I asked as she plugged in an electric trimmer.
"Yeah, can't go traveling without ID and a passport, besides, I hear the fire took your old stuff. Need a new birth certificate, a new photo ID, social security, everything. Fortunately I can do it all from here." She said, combing it back.
"Do this sort of thing often?" I asked as the buzzing trimmer took away the first long strands of hair.
"Cutting hair? Yeah, two kids." She said, trimming around my left ear. "Husband up and took off, so money's usually too tight for the luxuries like that." She said, sighing. "Hope he's happy, wherever he is."
"Hard to do, wishing people well after they wrong you." I said, smiling softly. "I meant the whole new identification thing." I said, tilting my head forward at her nudge.
"Holding hate is like drinking a bitter poison and hoping someone else will feel the effects. Even if they do, who has it helped? You're still full of bitter poison and now someone else feels miserable too. I'd rather my kids grew up with better examples than that. As for the ID, it isn't too often we have to do it, but the council does a good job preparing for the little eventualities." She replied, as she trimmed up the back of my head.
"You put a lot of thought into it, didn't you?" I asked, as she circled, trimming over the right side of my head. "I guess you've had to, a lot of things to decide for yourself, for the good of your kids. They're lucky, having a mother... a mom like you."
"They do well enough for themselves. Just wish we had more money to go out and do all the fun stuff normal families do." She said, nodding. "Only so many times we can sit in and watch movies before it gets boring for them."
I didn't have a response to it. I would've given anything for memories of things my family did for... or with me. I didn't have that. I had self-serving guilt-trip memories courtesy of mom, and drunken yelling and violence courtesy of dad. I thought about every time I wanted a normal life and couldn't help but laugh.
"Normal things for normal people." I said, when she arched a brow at me. "You have access to the strange and unique, make memories of it." I said, shrugging. "That's what I'd do at least."
"Maybe you're right. I don't know. Beats another Saturday night of 'But mom, I wanna go out and play', at any rate." She said, nodding. "I just ... I dunno, I want to spend time with them while they'll still spend time with me.
"I wouldn't know how it feels, I'm no parent... but I'd probably feel proud that they were independent enough to at least say what they wanted. I know a lot of very repressed people. I wouldn't want to live that way." I said, as she finished up, and took a small shop-vac to my head and shoulders, before pulling the long hair atop my head back into a pony tail. It was a bit odd, but I liked it. Did look good on me.
"True. True enough. Here. It's cheap, but it'll do the job." She said, passing me a disposable razor.
I sighed, shaving myself. "It's tough enough trying to make good decisions for yourself. Trying to never make a mistake with another life... it's impossible. Nobody's perfect. Nobody should have to take that burden alone. Nobody should have to lay awake at night wondering if they got it all right that day."
I smiled as she handed me a bottle of water, and pointed at the drain in the floor. Nothing fancy but it'd work. I felt somewhat cleaner and significantly more damp after that. I was grateful for the hand towel she offered me.
"It's not all bad. There's a lot of good, a lot I wouldn't ever want to miss. I do lose a lot of sleep though." She said, shaking her head. "I miss out on a lot for them."
"When they get older, when they can take better care of themselves, there'll be a lot for you to catch up on in your own life. A lot of living to do." I replied, checking myself out in the mirror.
"Well, anyway, let's get the paperwork taken care of." She said, gesturing to a small stack of fill-in-the-blank government forms, blank birth certificates, social security cards, and a digital camera.
It took half an hour to fill out the necessary forms. A handful of faxes went out, cold-press lamination machine wrapped my new social security card between two layers of protective plastic. My new state ID... birth certificates. Apparently I was 22 now. Good times.
"In about twenty minutes that information will hit the government servers and the new you will officially exist, Liam." She said, chuckling as she handed me a slim black wallet for my new identification. "How's it feel to get a new ID, passport, birth certificate, new social security numbers, new date of birth and new last name in half an hour?"
"Kind of creepy, actually." I said, shaking my head as she opened the door. "Say, does this get rid of that parking ticket I never paid?"
She laughed, nodding, as she opened the door to the front office."C'mon. They're waiting for you." She said, leading me out.
I was about to ask who "They" were, but I got my answer as a bright, cheerful ball of energy disguised as a teenage girl flung herself at me, knocking me down, and landing on top of me as she showered me with kisses and admonition. I recognized her voice as Heather, though I realized I'd never seen her outside of her fur.
Slender girl, less than five feet tall, auburn hair... death-grip of a hug...
Amy stood behind her, tear-filled eyes, silently welcoming me back.
Welcoming me back to a place called home.