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"Unnatural Tendencies" - Chapter 4

By: Ty the Fox

What is it that makes control so difficult to gain and yet so easy to lose? How does just one precipitous lapse in judgment trigger an avalanche of events to unfurl? It's as though we're actively trying to maintain our balance at the very top of a mountain, our attention fixed on keeping our feet firmly planted on the ground; as soon as we do so much as look away, any passing gust of wind will send us teetering over the edge and tumbling head-over-heels all the way down. And, once you've hit bottom and had a chance to shake yourself off, the only thing left to do is to arduously scale the mountain again, hoping that this time you'll be more careful.

It started off so simply. We'd just finished our first final of the school year; I was walking by myself to pick a few things from my locker, thinking pleasant thoughts about the freedom of the weeks of summer to come, when Darryl snuck up behind me and gave me a light kiss on the cheek. Just a small, affectionate peck and nothing more. I'd been telling myself - and Darryl - over and over again since our conversation in the auditorium that if anything was to happen between us, it would only be after a long period of slow growth and development, once we'd had a chance to get to know each other better. Yet, as I turned around and saw the giddy smile on his face and the excited (expectant?) twinkling in his eyes, I couldn't resist the urge to pull him in close and give him a full kiss on the lips. It was just as sensuously warm and satisfying as our first, again filling me with a flickering heat that sent tingling waves of pleasure throughout my body; this time, though, both of us were already primed and ready for it. And, primed and ready for more. In one smooth motion, I spun the slight otter around and pinned him firmly against the smooth metal of the neighboring locker, my lips flush with his as I pressed them in for a more passionate kiss. Tilting my head to the side, I allowed my tongue to slip out and teasingly push up against the smooth crease between his lips; he yielded almost immediately, opening his mouth just enough to give our tongues room to mingle. My paws roamed naturally, freely over Darryl's lithe frame, gently but firmly rubbing his sides and occasionally gripping around his slight rear. I could feel him shuddering and heard him gasp out soft moans as I forcefully pressed into him, but I knew he wasn't resisting. His body was just as receptive to getting this sort of attention as mine was to giving it.

Only when I started to grind the tightening bulge in my jeans against his stomach did he voice any sort of protest, albeit with a few giggles interspersed. "R-Robbie...heh, n-not heeeeere..." Darryl cut himself off with a chuckle, followed by a deep blush, before continuing, "We-we're in the open."

Having long ago thrown my rational brain aside, it was my body that responded breathily, "N-no...it's OK..." as it continued to relieve the increasing pressure by grinding into him. "No one's looking..."

"Robbie, no." I blinked down at him as his tone of voice grew sharper, though he quickly softened the jarring command with a smile as he pressed a finger to my lips. "Shh...we can find somewhere quieter." He giggled, one of his ears twitching playfully.

I was about to protest, my mind still swept up in a dumbing, libidinous haze, but I then realized just how much noise we had been making; with each push into him I'd made the locker door at his back jangle rather loudly, not to mention the fact that both of us had been groaning and panting audibly. Even if someone was in one of the nearby classrooms, they would have probably been able to hear us. We had to move somewhere else, but by then I could lose my 'edge.' Already the heat of the moment was starting to dissipate...

Darryl must have seen my concern, because he brightly grinned up at me before taking my paw in his and leading me down a hallway. I had no idea where he was going; did he already have some sort of secret spot set up for this sort of thing? Had he done this before?

As we neared the very end of the school, which is where the gym was located, I got the first inkling as to what Darryl was thinking and I tensed slightly. Not many students came down this way unless they had P.E. The athletes, when not training, were usually hanging out in the locker rooms, which were fully equipped with their own showers and toilets. Which meant...

I let out a low whine of protest. "Darryl...seriously?"

"Yeah. This school's so small that there aren't many places to hide out. Here, it's very unlikely that we'll be bothered."

"But..."

The otter stopped and turned to face me, one eyebrow raised as he asked pointedly, "Look, do you want to do this or not?"

Looking away sheepishly, I nodded. The fire hadn't quite died down yet.

"And would you rather we went somewhere else and got caught?"

I glanced up; as distractingly beautiful as his eyes were to look at, they gave nothing away. He was serious. And, he had a point. With deep sigh of defeat, I shook my head and started to walk forward again, grumbling, "But the bathroom? It's just not very, you know, romantic or whatever."

Darryl suddenly started to laugh, so sharply that I stopped and blinked over at him. "Robbie," he said, shaking his head and chuckling. "Nothing about this is romantic." As I continued to stare at him, at a bit of a loss, the otter grinned genially up at me. "You're so cute. Just come on."

When we reached the men's room, both of us checked to either side to make sure that no one was looking, then quietly slipped inside and flicked the lights on. I'd never been in here before, so it was something of a surprise to see that it was very small, equipped with only a single toilet and a faucet. There weren't any off-putting odors either; in fact, the whole place looked immaculate. Either it had just been cleaned, or it really didn't get used very often.

I heard the soft 'click' of a deadbolt sliding into place, and I turned around to see Darryl locking the door behind him. That was convenient; maybe he'd thought this through more than I'd expected. He carefully pocketed his glasses and smirked up at me, his tail swaying from side to side. That was all the invitation I needed; without a word, I pressed my lips to his and gave him a tight embrace, then forcefully backed him up against the far wall. I was a bit surprised with how quickly my lust for him had flared up again, finding myself already starting to grind my jeans-clad bulge against his belly, but I was hardly complaining. I could feel Darryl's warm body tense against me with each push, though the smooth caress of his paws on my back as they slipped up underneath my shirt was enough to assure me that he was enjoying this too. With a soft 'pop' I released his lips and began to give him hard kisses down his neck. As pleasurable as giving those bites was, though, what really continued to fuel the flame burning within me were his soft gasps as my teeth grazed his skin and the low whines as his body relaxed when I bit down. He was mine.

Fumbling a little, I undid the button on his corduroys and slipped them off. They hid well Darryl's throbbing erection, which I firmly stroked through his underwear; almost immediately Darryl's body tightened and I felt something wet spurt out on my palm. Smirking, I pulled the remaining layer off and clasped Darryl's modest but cute length in my paw, continuing to stroke it gently. With the other, I quickly stripped myself naked from the waist down and lightly pressed my cock against his shirt - that wouldn't do, though. It wasn't enough. I had an overpowering urge to penetrate him, to consummate my relationship with this beautiful otter by forming that physical link between us.

After hoisting his light body up, I allowed my shaft to slip past his rear and into the welcoming heat beyond. Both of us shuddered and groaned as I slowly slid all the way inside - God, it felt so good; the all-encompassing warmth and tightness as Darryl clenched around me was pure bliss. His legs naturally wrapped around me for a little support, but I braced him against the wall and cupped my paws underneath his thighs to make sure we were stable. It was a lot easier than I expected; when I first saw this position (the wonders of late-night TV), I thought it would take a lot of strength to be the 'guy', for lack of a better term, but the wall did almost all of the work for me. Smiling, I met Darryl's eyes and went in for another, gentler kiss on the lips. And then, we began.

In, out, in, out...I tried to maintain a steady rhythm, but it was hard to keep myself from trembling. So much was overwhelming me that I could barely maintain focus on the task at hand. The physical sensations alone were making me feel light-headed; each thrust pushed me closer and closer to climax, every sensitive nerve on my member firing, sending waves of intense pleasure and demanding my immediate release. Never before had I felt anything close to this. And yet, it wasn't much different from my time from Beth from a physical perspective - there just weren't any barriers or inhibitions now. I wanted Darryl so badly, and he wanted me. That tacit covenant between us made all the difference in the world. I didn't need to fantasize, to make up some artificial scenario in my head that would turn me on enough to compensate for a lack of libido. For once, my secret burden was lifted and I had the chance to experience for myself the intimacy and total satisfaction sex seemed to bring everyone else.

I didn't last very long. Even so, as I gave in with that last thrust and felt my seed course through my cock, Darryl's body radiating heat against me, I felt nothing less than euphoria. For solid couple of minutes I lay still against the other otter, eyes closed and chest heaving as I panted, trying to recover. Darryl was panting heavily too, but he hadn't quite reached climax yet; somewhat in a daze, I clumsily clasped a paw around his shaft and pumped up and down. Fortunately, my barely-competent hand-job was enough to tip him over the edge, Darryl letting out a soft moan as his penis pulsated in my paw and spurted a couple bursts of come onto my chest.

We basked in the sweet haze of afterglow for a few moments, our spent bodies snugly pressing up against one another as we both panted and tried to catch our breath. I was the first to stir; gently, I slid my still-erect member out from between Darryl's taut rump cheeks and set him down on the floor. I went over to the sink to take care of the mess the little otter had made on my shirt, but not before scratching behind his ears fondly. He was just so freaking cute slumped against the wall, chest heaving in and out with his labored breathing. At the very least, I was glad he seemed to have enjoyed our recent exploits despite my relative inexperience - as far as I could tell, anyway. Meanwhile, I assiduously tried to get the cum stains off of my shirt with a moist paper towel, to no avail; in fact, all it seemed to do was to make the spots bigger and more noticeable. Equally problematic was that the cheap bathroom soap hardly masked the musky scent. Oh well. After quickly wiping myself down, I slipped my jeans back on, and noticed that Darryl was shakily getting to his feet. His eyes had a glazed look about them, as though he hadn't fully returned back to reality, but as he looked up he gave me a wide, dopey grin. Smirking, I wetted some more paper towels and started to clean up the mess we'd made on him.

"So..." I broke the somewhat awkward silence between us with an even more awkward interjection. "...did I do all right?"

Blinking a couple of times to clear the blank look off his face, he smiled up at me and nodded, reaching over to stroke my cheek lightly. "Y-yeah...that was really nice." He giggled softly before continuing, "I guess you had fun too?"

I let out a happy sigh and grinned. "Yeah, I did." A wave of discomfort suddenly ran down my back as I really considered the implications of that statement. My sexual development had been so stunted and fucked up for so long that real physical intimacy, whether with guys or girls, seemed completely out of reach. And yet, here I was, not only enjoying sex but actually _craving_it. The newness of it all made me feel uneasy.

Darryl must have sensed my change in affect, putting his paw on my shoulder and asking, "What is it?"

"Oh...it's nothing," I replied quickly. "You're just the first guy I hooked up with. Can't say I have any complaints though." I gave him the best cavalier grin I could muster.

That seemed to satisfy him, thankfully, and we quickly finished cleaning up, restoring the restroom to its initial state barring the unconcealable odor of sex that permeated the air. Assuming no one knew we had been here, that wasn't a huge deal; after all, we couldn't have been the first ones to use this restroom to clandestinely 'relieve' themselves, either alone or with company. Just as we opened the door and started to leave, though, I saw a girl down the hall staring right at us. Her face was familiar to me - we'd shared a couple of classes together over the past three years - but her name escaped me; maybe it was Nancy? Marcie? Whatever her name was, I knew from the look on her face that we'd been found out. Darryl was already striding off in the opposite direction so I don't think he'd noticed her, but it was hard for me to look away when it was so painfully clear to me that she knew. Wordlessly, I followed behind him, giving the girl a final glance over my shoulder as we made our way to the front of the school.

Fuck.

My mind was whirring, grinding through all of the possible outcomes of all the possible paths this could take. The only thing I knew with certainty was that it was only a matter of time before the entire school knew about our tryst. Knowing firsthand how quickly news could travel here, that would only take a day or two.

As much as I didn't want to spoil what was a truly wonderful experience for the both of us, I knew I had to tell Darryl about this immediately. I tried to frame it in a way that made it seem unlikely that she'd tell, but the frightened look on his face made it clear that he knew just how much trouble we were in. Slipping into another restroom to stay out of earshot, we discussed our predicament in a harsh whisper, trying to figure out the best way to proceed from here. We were in there for a long while, a considerable amount of arguing going back and forth between us, but gradually we came to an agreement. A less-than-satisfactory agreement to be sure, but that couldn't be helped.

Darryl exited the restroom first while I waited, leaving only after a good few minutes had passed. We'd barely said goodbye to each other.

What a shitty way to end the day.

The next day proceeded more or less as I expected. By third period I started to notice the quick glances in my direction and the furtive whispering. In between fifth and sixth period, as I stepped up to a urinal to relieve myself, my friend at the next one over glanced at me uneasily. He looked like he was about to say something, but instead he quickly finished up and practically dashed out of the bathroom. Though it should have pissed me off, I couldn't say I didn't empathize with him a little. In the past, I'd felt twinges of discomfort at the thought of having 'a gay' check me out while I was going about my business. Come to think of it, I still felt that way to a certain extent. I couldn't think that way, though. That was the old me. Before Darryl.

As we'd agreed, Darryl and I left each other alone, pretending as though nothing had happened between us. People could gossip all they wanted, but without more fuel the rumors would burn themselves out, replaced by talk about more recent scandals. For now, though, we'd each have to endure the whispering behind our backs, the looks of disgust, the occasional joke at our expense - but I'd rather face that than open ridicule. This would all blow over and then things would go back to normal. I don't know if I really believed that or if I just wanted it to be true. Darryl certainly didn't think it was - 'Once you're labeled, Robbie, it's impossible to be unlabeled.' I'd had to practically beg him not to talk about it before he finally acquiesced, but not before he'd called me a coward and a few other choice names. I guess I deserved it. It was gutless.

He'd somehow managed to slip out before I could catch up with him after school, even though I'd made a bee-line for his locker as soon as the final bell rang. He still seemed a bit steamed, so perhaps it was for the best; the last thing I needed was another fight. Darryl had said that it was a good excuse to publicly embrace it, to give the school the proverbial finger by being out in the open regardless of whatever social repercussions that might bring, but it wasn't his reputation on the line. Everyone had already condemned him to be homosexual and a social outcast. I was 'normal'. Hell, some of these kids' parents were friends with mine - what if they somehow found out? I wasn't nearly ready to come forward to them about Darryl. I hadn't even 'come forward' to myself about having sex with him...the sense of unease that had hit me yesterday still lingered and continued to gnaw at me. Somehow, being in a close relationship with Darryl, even an intimate one, hadn't seemed especially abnormal to me, but now that we'd actually had sex there was a certain finality to it all I hadn't considered. Not that I took any particular stock in my parents' faith, but it certainly felt like God, or whatever angel was responsible for this sort of thing (fuck if I could remember which one), had just etched this event in stone along with all the rest of my transgressions. It could never be erased.

Perhaps Darryl was right and living in denial was both nonproductive and ultimately pointless. Among other things (most of which don't bear repeating), he said yesterday that he'd tried it for years and all it had done was tear him apart from the inside out. Acceptance, even with the consequences it brought along, was better than that inner turmoil. That sounded like a mature perspective, as usual; I'd come to find in the last few weeks that despite his youth, Darryl seemed to approach things with an adult-like sense of cogency and level-headedness. We spent nearly every afternoon together in a remote corner of the school grounds, lying beside each other in the cool grass as the mid-spring sun caressed us with its gentle rays of yellow light. Occasionally we'd talk, reflecting and trading perspectives on whatever philosophical questions crossed our minds. Most times, though, he would just sidle up against me and we'd silently gaze upwards, idly watching the white clouds float along through the boundless expanse of blue sky. The world became so blissfully simple: there was only the earth below, the heavens above, and the comforting warmth of the small otter's form cuddled up against mine. Time stopped and space seemed to stretch out to infinity. Before I had always been alone and yet never lonely; now we were alone together and I knew true loneliness for the first time. The ineffable sense of comfort his presence gave me showed me just how painful my self-imposed isolation actually was. Aching joy, sweet anguish: these were the new emotions our relationship had instilled in me, and my heart was fit to burst.

Was I ashamed of Darryl, of the possibility of being gay, of how quickly our relationship had turned physical? Absolutely not. Did Darryl think I was? Probably. Why else would I choose to hide? Maybe...maybe to compromise, I'd have to be open...

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a light tap on my shoulder. Darryl? Whirling around with the hope of getting a chance to talk to him, I was instead greeted by a petite calico.

"Beth?"

The feline blinked slowly and smiled up at me demurely. "I'm sorry if I startled you. Are you in the middle of something?"

"No...I...what?" I stammered. I don't know how long I'd been standing in the hallway, staring blankly at Darryl's locker, or how long she'd been waiting for me to turn around, but in any event I was taken completely by surprise and needed a couple moments to reorganize my scattered thoughts. "H-how are you?"

Beth continued to smile as she softly replied, "I'm fine. Do you have a minute? I want to talk to you about something."

Already I felt the fur on the back of my neck bristling with irritation, knowing in my gut that she wanted to talk about me and Darryl. We'd barely said a word to each other since that party so many months ago, so why else would she want to talk? And, what gave her the right to pry? Was she hoping that I'd let some juicy tidbits slip that she could then pass around to all of her friends? To the rest of the school?

I only noticed how tense I'd become after I saw Beth wilt and take a step back, nervously looking at the ground and biting at her lower lip. Feeling a slight pang of guilt, I unclenched my fists and sighed; I didn't mean to frighten the poor girl. Blinking up at me with her green, almond-shaped eyes, she said, "I-I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk that's fine. I promise that I'll keep it between us...I just-"

"You just what?" I snapped. "Why the fuck do you care?" So much for trying to calm down.

She cowered again as though I'd just struck her in the face. Was I really that intimidating? Continuing to look up at me plaintively, Beth pleaded, "Please...stop yelling at me."

The girl looked like she was about to start crying, but in spite of that she was refusing to leave. The pang of guilt I'd felt before painfully crested to a peak as I realized I'd woefully misjudged her. There was no way she'd be reacting this way if she'd approached me with ill intent. My body relaxed as my anger melted away, replaced by a strong wave of pity, and I took a step forward, putting a paw on her shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. She recoiled wildly and I immediately backed up - apparently that was a bad idea. What was with this girl?

Letting out a soft sigh, I said, "Look, I'm sorry. It's been a tense day for me and I'm still a bit on edge. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that." I attempted a smile, but she was cringing and looking at her shoulder as though it had just caught on fire. Only after a minute or two did Beth finally meet my eyes and nod. "Do you want to go someplace quiet to talk?"

After receiving a second nod, I wordlessly led us to the auditorium as Darryl had led me just a few weeks ago; so much had changed between us in that time that I could barely remember the angst I'd felt as I waited to pour my heart out to him. We'd been bonded at the hip ever since then; at least, when no one was looking. Though, the way he'd looked at me today after class...I hope that I hadn't ruined all of that after our conversation yesterday. Soon my mind was idly cycling through the same thoughts I'd had before Beth had surprised me, tinges of emotions and hazy ideas floating around and casually intermingling. I wasn't making any further headway, but at the same time it was somewhat calming; like ambient noise or background music, the futile gyrations slipped to the back of my mind and occupied mental space that would have been uncomfortably empty otherwise. I'd think more seriously on it later.

Beth and I slipped into adjacent seats near the back of the auditorium, both of which were in dire need of reupholstering. It was rumored that the school was planning on setting aside a huge chunk of money in next year's budget for remodeling this entire wing, but it was doubtful that the old fucks who actually came and voted on the budget would let it pass if it meant they'd have to pay more in school taxes. It's not like they'd be around to see the effects of having an entire generation of students get a woefully inadequate education, would they? Then again, getting a multimillion-dollar music hall wasn't exactly going to have much of an effect on our school's below-average standardized test scores or the 25% dropout rate. Whatever. In a year I'd be out of here and off to...somewhere else. Hmm. This was another area that required some serious attention.

I had been expecting Beth to start the conversation since she was the one who approached me, but she was just staring at the floor, apparently still shaken from before. Gently, I asked, "So, why do you want to talk to me? As I said, I've had a frustrating day and I'm feeling kinda worn down. I promise to hear you out, though."

Her emerald eyes glinted in the dim light as she turned to look at me. "I-it's okay. I can understand why you'd be defensive. But," - she glanced down at the floor again - "it's true, isn't it?"

I let out a sigh and put a paw to my forehead, pressing into my temples as I tried to hold onto the last vestiges of patience I had left. Carefully constructing each syllable and spitting them out disjointedly - anything to keep myself from flying off the handle - I replied, "Darryl and I had sex. We tried to be discreet, but someone saw us leave the bathroom together. End of story."

She simply nodded and didn't press for further details, to my relief. Instead, she asked, "Why him?"

"Why_not_ him?" I countered, only managing to keep my voice to a harsh whisper. "What do you have against the kid? Everyone else in this fucking school seems to think he's lower than dirt for some reason or another. What'd he do to you?"

I expected Beth to cower again, but she only shook her head sadly. "You don't understand. Darryl is...well, fragile. Please don't take this the wrong way, but" - she gazed over at me with wide eyes, her voice quavering - "I just want to make sure he's safe."

"You..." I trailed off, dumbfounded. "You think I took advantage of him? What kind of monster do you think I am, Beth? Darryl and I are, well, kind of in a relationship...thing." Under different circumstances I'd have been livid at the veiled accusation, but really I was just so surprised by it that all I felt was incredulity. "I'd never hurt him!"

Beth bit her lip and averted her eyes as I raised my voice again, but I noticed her body visibly relax as she sunk into the foam seat cushion. "I...I'm glad, Robbie. I didn't think you had, but I had to be sure. He doesn't need more pain."

I snorted. "No. He doesn't. He gets enough of that shit from everyone else."

I was pretty sure that she had more to say, but after a couple minutes of awkward silence I shifted in my seat and started to get up. Immediately, Beth put a paw on mine and said, "Robbie, please don't go. If you're absolutely serious about being Darryl's boyfriend - and I still don't understand why - there's more you need to hear."

Slumping back into the hard-backed seat with an impatient sigh, I replied, "Okay. If you really want to know my reasons, I'll give them to you. It's not like I'm ashamed. But, just so we're clear, I wouldn't quite call us boyfriends." As those last few words left my lips, I felt my stomach turn and my neckfur stand on end. What were we, then? Surely by now it was obvious that our connection was more than simply platonic; from a physical, intellectual, and emotional perspective, our bond must be at least as deep as any other burgeoning romantic relationship. It was just that...well, labeling us as 'boyfriends' carried the same weight to it that being labeled as gay did. What we had now was good, blissful even - why ruin it by giving it a label so charged with heavy connotations? 'Obligation', 'commitment', 'expectation'...these were things I wasn't ready to associate with our relationship.

Despite all these thoughts racing through my mind, though, I only paused for a couple seconds before continuing, "So, do you remember the incident a couple months ago that got Darryl hospitalized? Well, I was there, and..."

I gave her a brief synopsis of the events leading up to yesterday's encounter, even disclosing some of my innermost thoughts about how I felt about him. Beth didn't interrupt me even once, but seemed to be listening intently; at least, she was frequently nodding as though she was following my every word. By the end of it, I felt completely exhausted and winded - unexpectedly so. It was just so rare that I opened up, and all the more unusual that I'd tell someone I barely knew, but Beth was just so nonthreatening and delicate; she couldn't be hiding ill intent. And, I thought she'd be more willing to share whatever it was she'd come to me to say if I was completely frank. What could she know about Darryl that I didn't?

As she began to explain her experiences with Darryl, it became very clear that there was quite a bit more she knew about the otter I cared for so deeply than I'd learned in our time together.

She had been playing the flute ever since we all were able to pick out our instruments back in elementary school and remained fairly involved in our music program to this day (incidentally, I had chosen the trumpet, but I dropped that as soon as our school no longer forced us to participate in band; I really hated that thing). One afternoon, as she was packing up her instrument after the ninth grade band had finished rehearsing, she heard the faint sounds of a piano coming from one of the practice rooms. Curious, she walked over and peered through the inset window in the door - there was Darryl, sitting at the piano with his back turned. He was playing a piece she'd never heard before, but as his small hands flew over the keys and the upright resounded with the music's furious pounding, she found herself stricken, unable to keep her eyes off of him. She stood there for a good five minutes as she listened and waited for the piece to end with bated breath. When it was finally over, she knocked on the door; as though snapping out of a trance, the otter suddenly shuddered and whipped his head around with a look of surprise on his face, then beckoned her to come in.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. She kept trying to speak, to say anything to start the conversation, but each time she opened her mouth, the words got caught in her throat and wouldn't come out. Finally, she said simply, "That...that was beautiful. What's the name of the piece?"

"Beethoven's_Moonlight Sonata_, third movement." He smiled at her with a soft blush on his face. "It's a relatively famous piece, but not many people have heard more than a few bars of the first movement." Swiveling around on the piano bench, he played the sonata's opening - as he'd said, she instantly recognized its sweet yet melancholy melody from a movie whose name escaped her.

"Yes, yes!" she exclaimed. "I've heard that before. I love that piece."

A small smile on his face, Darryl asked, "Would you like to hear the rest?"

How could she turn down the opportunity to hear him play for her? Without a moment's hesitation, she answered, "Yes, of course! Please continue!" And he did. At once it was so simple, almost exclusively a series of arpeggiated triads (whatever that meant - I knew virtually nothing about music theory), but they carried such depth of emotion. The dynamics guided the music forward, Darryl's thoughtfully placed swells and diminutions carrying her heart up and down with them as gentle waves carry a buoy in the open sea. The calming introspectiveness it instilled allowed her mind to wander, and soon a tide of images and feelings began to flow to the forefront, memories long-forgotten and lost in time somehow resurfacing and forming a peculiar but cohesive sensation. Holding her mother's hand in the hospital as she peacefully passed away in her sleep. Her dad pushing her higher and higher on their little swing set in the backyard. The kiss that began her first relationship and the fight that ended it. All the while Darryl played and played, until gradually the piece came to an end with a low, barely audible chord.

It took a minute or so for the thick miasma of her scattered thoughts to clear and reality to come back into focus, but once it did she looked up to face Darryl, who was smiling coyly back at her. "Wow...you're really amazing," she said, after a slight pause. "I've never heard anyone play like that before."

Darryl quickly shook his head and smirked. "No, no. Beethoven's the amazing one. I'm just channeling his intent as best I can through this cheap hunk of plywood." He chuckled and gave the piano a light tap with his foot. "Still, I should hope that I'm at least somewhat competent after all these years of playing."

She blinked and asked, "How long is that?"

"Mmm...let's see. I got a small electronic toy piano when I was two, and started playing on a real, full-size one a year or two later. My mom was an aspiring concert pianist when she was younger, so she's been teaching me." Darryl frowned and shifted in his seat. "It's just not fair."

"Hrmm?" The change in tone caught her by surprise. "What's not fair?"

Letting out a sad sigh, the otter slumped forward and looked up at Beth with a mournful expression on his face. "Well, she can't play anymore. At least, not the way she used to. Before she had me, just as she was finishing her last semester at conservatory, she had a nasty fall down a flight of stairs that left her back mangled. Though the doctors were able to repair most of the damage, it never healed completely and she's lived with chronic pain and limited mobility ever since." Darryl shook his head and let out another sigh before continuing, "She can still play, but only in short bursts. Sitting upright at the piano is virtually impossible for her, and her hands cramp up and tire after about a minute of playing anything technically demanding. It's so hard to watch...but it inspires me to keep on playing and getting better, even though it's tough to be disciplined enough to practice every day." He smiled up at her, a glint of tears in his eyes. "If I play as she did, then she still has a chance to realize her dream, even if it's through me."

"You make it sound as though you don't have any choice," she said quietly, "but you do. And I'm sure your mom wouldn't want you to throw away your life for her sake."

Darryl laughed gaily at that, and again the change in tone startled her. "Of course, but this is my choice. Besides, I love playing. I wouldn't devote as much time as I do to it if I didn't." He turned his head to glance at the piano and rubbed over the top of it affectionately, a gesture he immediately seemed to regret as he scowled down at the thick layer of dust that now covered his paw. He looked up at her and they both started to chuckle, which soon turned to giggling and eventually to full-bellied laughter. She had no idea what was so funny about the situation, but for some reason neither of them could stop, even though laughing was starting to become painful and tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Once the fit of giggles finally subsided, she asked, wiping her eyes with a tissue, "Well, I have to get going now. It was a pleasure to meet you...um, what was your name again?" She blushed, embarrassed that they'd been talking for all this time and she hadn't even properly introduced to herself.

Smiling at her, the otter dusted his paw off and stretched it towards her. "Darryl."

"Beth. Nice to meet you, Darryl, and...thank you," she replied, returning his smile and shaking his paw before leaving him alone once again. As she was exiting the music corridor, though, she heard the faint tinkling of a piano behind her, and smiled.

Over the next few months, they became very close friends, and Darryl's secrets gradually began to tumble out. His sexuality. The near-constant bullying. His difficult home life. His isolation and loneliness. Each time he struggled, she would come to his side and console him; they didn't see much of each other during the day, but almost every day after school she would meet him in a practice room, if one was available, and just talk. For a while, their conversations were normal enough, usually just about school, or music, or their plans for the future. Occasionally he'd just practice as she read or did homework; those were her favorite afternoons, when the weight of the day - a not-so-great grade on a test, an overwhelming assignment, a fight with a friend - seemed to lift from her shoulders as he wove his music around her, none of it familiar to her uncultured ears but soothing and entrancing all the same.

The downward spiral had begun so subtly that she hadn't noticed it was happening until it had reached critical mass and passed the point of no return. The first visible sign was the gradual change in the dynamic of their conversations. No longer were they having light discussions about current events, music, school...instead, they became more and more one-sided; Darryl would pour his heart out to her as she played therapist, a sounding board and source of solace and counsel. The first couple of months weren't too taxing for her; although at the end of the day she felt emotionally drained, there was the small comfort in knowing that she'd been able to help Darryl over the hurdle of the day. However, as time continued to pass without improvement - if anything, his mood was worsening - that small comfort grew smaller and smaller and the weariness begot by these almost daily 'sessions' began to take a toll on her. What could she do? Her words were empty platitudes, band-aids covering the gaping, festering wounds he suffered with day after day. And, his baggage in large part was externally imposed on him - how could she lift these burdens from him? Yet, although it was painfully clear how ineffectual she was as a counselor, she feared that actively distancing herself from Darryl would be enough to tip him over the edge. Trapped, she did the only thing she could do: she continued to do the best she could to assuage his depression.

Near the end of the year, after over six long months of enduring and trying hard, Darryl wordlessly slipped her a sealed envelope as they passed each other in the hallway. She quickly turned and tried to catch up with him, but he'd already been swallowed up by the sea of students heading off to their respective classes. Unable to follow, she looked down at the unmarked envelope with apprehension. This felt wrong. Tentatively, she broke the seal and removed the single sheet of paper, then started to read:

Dear Beth,

_ _

I owe you an apology. For this, for everything I put you through. I know I was nothing but a nuisance to you all this time...I don't know why you've continued to try to help me. You're truly a saint. I'm writing this so that I can tell you how deeply I appreciate all that you've done for me, even though I've been such a whiny bitch. I recognize now that constantly complaining and wallowing in misery isn't going to get me anywhere. At some point, action must be taken. That time is now.

I've reached my breaking point. He beat her half to death this time. She blacked out for over an hour. I couldn't do anything to protect her...yet another testament to my failure.

I'm sick of feeling helpless, Beth. I'm sick of the anger, sick of the depression, sick of the fear. I can't live through another night like this one, so I won't. I know it's selfish to abandon her when I've been her only comfort for all this time. It's not fair. But, at the same time, she chose to bear me and bring me into this worthless existence. That wasn't fair either. I didn't have a choice. I do have a choice now.

This is goodbye, Beth. Perhaps the greatest comfort I have now is the knowledge that I won't be torturing you anymore. You don't deserve my constant abuse. I sincerely hope this world is kinder to you than it was to me.

_ _

-Darryl

"I went to the school psychologist right away," she continued, staring dejectedly at the ground, "but I honestly don't know what happened after that. Something must have come out of it, because he didn't kill himself, but he never spoke to me again, even though I tried several times to reach out to him. He probably felt betrayed. I don't blame him. I wish I could have helped him on my own, but I didn't know what else to do."

My mouth had gone completely dry, so the words that tumbled out next had an unpleasant mealy feel to them. "Why are you telling me all of this? How do you know that things haven't gotten better for him?" Face burning, I stared at her angrily, causing her to wince and turn her head away.

"I don't, Robbie. I don't think his are the sort of problems that go away, though," she replied, her voice cracking with emotion. "I do know that he doesn't see the psychologist anymore...I try to check in on him, even if it's only from a distance. I still care about him." She sniffled, and I could see the trace of a tear glistening on her cheek under the dim lights of the auditorium. "I just felt that you should know so that you aren't blindsided, like I was. Maybe he really has gotten better and those months are just a bad memory for him. If not...he needs-"

I stood up and slung my backpack over one shoulder, cutting her off mid-sentence. I'd heard enough. Without another word or even a backward glance, I stormed out of the auditorium and slammed the door behind me, leaving Beth alone in the darkness.