Desperation Short scene (Feedback needed)
This is a scene from my current project. If possible, I would like some feedback on how it read out, since these sorts of scenes are not really all too familiar to me yet.
The only context a reader would need for this segment is that Lenora is an elderly nurse, about seventy or eighty, Elizabeth is her adoptive daughter, with a bit of history that she is only now learning of. Seraphi, through whom the tale is being told, is a young dragoness, friend to both of them. She has been trained in a stealthy form of combat, comparable to the human profession of an assassin, which is coincidentally the reason for this argument. That said, she hardly interferes at all, so in this scene a reader needs not know much more.
Please enjoy, and if possible send some feedback my way!
“So, Eliza…" Lenora began, addressing the girl with a strange mixture of offense and hesitance. “You're ready to tell us why you ran away and hid out in Nystar?"
Elizabeth shifted nervously, eyes twitching to the exit before returning to me, to Lenora, to the exit again. Despite the fact that we had all moved to a larger, empty room, the lightly hued walls offering a sense of comfort, Eliza was more on edge than I had ever seen her before.
“I… well, it isn't all as bad as it sounds," the young healer murmured, pressing herself against my shoulder even further. “I just was scared."
Lenora raised an eyebrow. “Considering what you've said already, that you've training in assassination and subterfuge, you'll forgive me if I'm not convinced." Any of the warmth that Lenora's tone usually held for Elizabeth was gone, replaced with a cold and emotionless reply.
Eliza wilted. “I didn't want to do any of that, though." When her surrogate mother didn't respond, she continued. “I didn't want to train every day, be so dangerous, hurt anyone. That's why I left when I did." She looked back up. “You remember what I said when I first arrived?"
“That you were studying the plants," Lenora said, her expression lifting at the memory before falling into something akin to a scowl. “You were trying to see whether they had any practical use in poultices and mixes, right? That you were studying to be an herbalist or something similar? The entire reason I took you in from the streets you were living on for months? The reason I started caring for you as more than just a charge to watch over?"
“Yes, Lenora," Eliza whispered, fair features contorting at the hurt conveyed in the older woman's tone. “And… I was studying the plants. To see if they were dangerous, mostly."
“If you didn't want to hurt anyone, why did you try to find toxic plants?" I asked quietly, though I was not immune to the look of dismay flitting across Elizabeth's features, either.
“I didn't want to, but… it was all I knew. Sort of like how you tried to hide in the forests for a few months once you arrived here, I suppose." Eliza wrung her hands. “I just didn't know what else I could be good at." So, she wanted peace, but had been raised on a diet of fighting. She was just… oh. Oh.
It was good that she reminded me of my frequent retreats into the forests near Nystar near to my arrival. For many months, perhaps most of a year, I had felt the urge to find somewhere to hide, in part because I still felt guilt for the death of my brother but also because I felt too exposed. There was nowhere to sneak up on anything, nowhere above me to shield me from the skies when I did not wish to fly, and most importantly, nobody telling me where to go, what to do. I appreciated the freedom, but I could only do so much with my free time.
It was in that forest that Elizabeth had truly met me for the first time, doing my best to hide unsuccessfully. As hard as I tried, being large, teal and heavy did not suit sneaking about in a forest, and I had nearly had a panic attack when even in the middle of the night Eliza had found me accidentally. I had never asked her what exactly she was doing in the forest in the middle of the night, nor why I had occasionally found her there since… a thought struck me.
“That's what you do in the forests some nights, isn't it? You try to keep some sort of edge from your training, try to keep your skills sharp, honed?"
“Maybe," Eliza squeaked. “It's better than the alternatives, at least." I could imagine, as she would either lose her practice or have to use those skills in actual contracts. That meant killing people or at least harming them.
“I understand," I said softly, a warmth growing in my chest when the small woman pressed herself against my nose suddenly, hugging it. The watering in my eyes, however, was from the sudden wincing as she pressed herself squarely against the injury held there.
No, really.
“So, is that it? You don't have any more questions for her? She's lied to you. To all of us!" Lenora ground out, an abnormally angered expression crossing her visage. “I trusted her with the lives of our people. I don't know if I can do that any longer."
Eliza let out a tiny gasp, looking horrified. “Lenora, I?"
The elder nurse was having none of it, however. “No, Elizabeth. Just leave me alone. I need time to think."
The crushed squeaking noise Eliza made pulled at my heart. “M-mother, please!" she said in a desperate whine, reaching out to brush Lenora's shoulder.
“Just go!" Lenora shouted, whirling around with the back of her hand, striking her as she glared at the young woman with far more force than I thought possible. The young nurse stumbled backwards, a red mark quickly blooming on her cheek. Then, choking back a sob, Eliza turned and ran away before I could stop her, emerald eyes hiding behind a long curtain of dark hair.
I returned my attention to the elder nurse, who winced as she settled herself back onto the bed again, shaking and massaging her wrist. She avoided my gaze, almost as if I wasn't there.
“You should let it go, Lenora. She didn't mean anything by hiding her past."
“She's an assassin! I can't trust her. I don't know if she's just been fooling me all this time. I don't know her as well as I thought I did," Lenora replied, muttering more to herself than actually speaking to me. “I can't trust her around me if I know she was trained to kill people." She snorted bitterly. “And to consider I thought her worthy to be my successor, too. No, she needs to go."
I tilted my head. “So you've forgotten everything of how you care about her just because of this insight?"
“Of course not!" Lenora retorted, shaking her head vigorously. “But that's what makes this hurt so much. I can't trust an assassin, of all things."
“She said she used to be an assassin," I said sharply my tone hardening. “There is a large difference between the two. You saw how she reacted to you, her 'mother'. And I find it interesting that you can't trust your own adoptive daughter, but find nnd no problem in confiding with me."
Lenora's eyes widened. “Seraphi, I didn't mean to imply?"
“I am sure you didn't," I said, a touch coldly, cutting her off. “Nevertheless, it would seem you are in no state to think clearly." I retracted my head from the room's overhead window, stretching it until a few of the bones cricked back into place. “I will leave you to sort your thoughts, Lenora. If you are fortunate, Eliza may accept you back once more. Her mother is also here to compete for her attention, after all." With that, I stood and padded away, leaving the older woman behind to consider what she had done.