FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

My mother slumped in the chair as she absorbed herself in her memories, wiping tears off her face as she sobs, she moves her tail near her head and holds it while opening the picture book with her right hand. Her sniffling permeated the sound space, I couldn't tell what I myself was feeling, maybe I'm just fed up with processing everything.

My mother turns the pages of the gallery, her early childhood, I think she's an adult in these next ones. After what seems like forever I finally see images with my dad mixed in, their first meet up and kiss, their wedding... 'wonder why my mother never showed me this gallery.'

But my question would be answered as my mother turns to the next page, it was full of them doing the deed... arrays of images with my parents having sex. I turned around quickly, trying my best not to remember any small details. 'why the fuck do my parents have photographed images of them doing it?'

I decided it was best to ignore it and try to forget as much of that glance as possible, I can't tell if reaping that one guy or seeing the images of my horny parents was worse, I just hope I don't remember it for eternity.

After what seemed like a minute or two, her sobbing resumed, I turned back around and saw images of me. A few as a newborn, and a good amount as a baby. My mother put her hand on one of the images, I was reaching out for something in that one, maybe she wanted to feel like she was holding my hand, I could only guess.

She continued looking through the gallery, me as a toddler trampling on a sand castle at the beach, another eating mud in our backyard... and one of me drawing something. Memories I had long forgotten settled their way in my mind once more, for a moment I forgot I was feeling cold.

Then many pages after that I was running, images of me hugging my parents, of climbing a tree. Making food... though it looks more like some eldrich slop you'd see in a horror film, and making a paper airplane. I floated next to my mom left side as she cried over the images, she would wipe any tears that fell on the gallery.

'It's strange seeing these moments within' these square white boarders, points in time that feel long ago in ny view... would my entire mortal life feel like just a moment? Would I eventually forget what it was like to be a mortal, forget what it meant to be alive?' And as I took a look my teenage self, I wondered if I'd forget my parents and myself.

All these bits and pieces of my life were contained in these pages, every photo speaks countless words. Sights, smells, feelings and sensations, many of which I'll never experience again. My friends and my accomplishments, my dreams and aspirations, will I be glad I was able to live in those moments, or will I come to envy my past?

I saw an image of me surpassing my mother in height, then my dad in height. Then saw a photo of day I graduated, I was so excited to wear that gown and cap, so excited to start another chapter in my long life. But it was cut short, if this was a dream I'd be awake by now, it's over... I can't turn back time and prevent myself from cleaning the windows of that mansion.

All I have now is my parents, but eventually it'll only be me, myself and I. I'm not even sure if I'd want to see my friends, they'll probably die before my parents do, being different species and all... maybe I'll give them a visit at least.

My mom curled up her posture as my moment of adulthood appeared, there were only a few images of me before I moved out, I had gotten my certifications as a personal trainer and nutritionist. Never even actually got to put it into practice with a client, I can't even eat anymore nor need to, I'll never be able to workout and feel alive again.

She closed the gallery as she put it on the top shelf by the door, she put her feet on the chair and tilted her forehead to her knees as her silver hair flows down, her sobs became full on cries. I couldn't bear to watch or hear it, I couldn't stand seeing my mother in distress, so I decided to see what my dad was up to.

I phased out through the back of the house, greeted by a white fence and the garden my dad always tended to, sometimes my mother would join him. She told me he picked it up after his anger management classes and it's never left him since. Whenever he is stressed or wants to relax, chances are he's here.

I floated across numerous flowers, my dad enjoyed planting flowers or things like aloe vera since they had an easier time thriving. While I enjoyed lounging in our yard, the sheer amount of bugs kept it short, but it's always so tranquil here.

The stone and gravel path worked well with the vibrant flowers, my mother was probably the one who made him do the path in an s-like shape, my dad loved the challenge though. It didn't look too different from when I left, there was a new bench and a dedicated seating area.

I floated towards the seating, if you include the green vines, it is binary in color with it's wooden dark brown structute. The ceiling part of the structure looked like a two layer diagonal grid with a short overhanging pyramid as the roof, it had some of those cheap LED lights hanging in the ceiling too. 'I can already imagine the vibe, I would've read plenty of books here regardless of the bugs, probably about fifteen feet in height.'

I floated up high and got a bird's-eye view of the place, my dad was leaning on a tree in the shade, drinking a bottle of water while sweating. It was that tree that always had various sized marks on it, as if it was damaged by something, that tree is probably older than me. While I made my way to him he left my view, the tree suddenly started shaking as I heard loud thumps, I circled around clockwise to get a better look... so that's why.

I moved until my dad was clear in view, he was punching a tree, I guess this was another way of him dealing with stress... or in this case grief. Probably the reason why his scales felt so tough and dull, other species usually have to be careful when shaking the hand of a dragon. I'm surprised the tree has continued to thrive, each punch throughly left its mark.

I wasn't expecting them both to be so distraught, but who wouldn't be? If I too had a child who died, I'd feel like I lost an entire part of me, agonizing.

I saw my dad grab his phone, he attempted to call someone or some place, they didn't answer. "Bloody fuckin' hell!"

I floated back as I flinched, I never really heard my dad curse, I wonder how much anger he's taken out on this tree over the years for it to look this way. My dad put his phone in his pocket and crouched down in a deep squat to watch the bees do their thing, swatting away the occasional fly or mosquito.

'I guess watching nature is something I can also still do, afterall I won't remember an insects face or feel dreadful once it dies. Probably won't do me any good to reference every being's lifrspan in my mind all the time, guess it's true that you only realize what you had once it's gone.'

I put my palm to the cold temple of my skull as I looked at my dad. 'Surely I wouldn't view peoples lives like how I view insects lives right?' But I immediately dismissed that possibility, it's not like living longer will make me better than others or anything, and its not like it diminishes the fact thag insects are a crucial backbone to the ecosystem.

I shook my head shaking off these irrelevant thoughts, what matters now is that my parents are still here, that at some point I'll have the opportunity to speak to them. I don't know how I'll feel when it's their time, but if I was still alive, I'd eventually have to deal with the inevitable anyways, it's just the way the cycle is... the cycle I'm no longer part of.

I reminded myself of what I usually do when my thoughts are so negative and restless... I would always take a deep breath, I imagined myself doing so as I continued to make it habitual in this new body. Even if I didn't have lungs I could still expand and contract my diaphragm, I could still feel something, even if it was only cold air or my own touch.

It's easy to pinpoint what I can't do, but it's a lot harder to figure out what I can do, it's so inverted from my previous way of living. I still have to remember though, I've only been a reaper for a moment so far. 'I'm not some ancient being yet, I'm still a young man.' If I try to view my next years like a dragon, maybe it'll all work out, I haven't even lived a tenth of my parents life.

I calmed down a little, why am I worrying about how old I'll be? I guess I'm just not patient now that I have all the time in the world, I'm trying to tackle all my thoughts at once. I have an eternity to do it... there's no rush.

Even though I was still freezing I felt a little better now, my thoughts calmed down as I continued to imagine myself a mortal again, as I pictured myself sitting next to my dad. Maybe I should reminisce a little, think of the times he tried to show me how to work with my hands, think of the times he attempted to interest me in his hobbies.

While I wasn't ever really enthusiastic as a kid, once I became close to an adult I was more willing, never really had the time to learn properly since I was working full time. And it was pretty much nonexistent once I decided to move, I tried to broaden my horizons and now I'm back here.

"I'll have to try and solve these problems plaguing my mind and remember to tackle things... one step at a time."