The Carnal District Part Eight
Oh dear, I sure hope Jet is going to be okay D: Looks like he's cut out a toxic part of his life, right?
...Right?
CW: Descriptions (given matter-of-factly and neither glorified, romanticized, nor fetishized) of physical and emotional abuse and wounds both visible and invisible caused by it.
All comments/feedback welcome <3 Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it
Text (c) ME :D
- Last Call
Rakkarth stepped past Jet and to the fridge, retrieving a few beers from inside. He sat down on the couch and cracked one open, chugging it. Jet stumbled over and sat down next to him. He took another shot from the bottle and passed it to Rakkarth who did the same.
“Did you find out who that guy was?" Rakkarth asked as he lit up a cigarette, the smoke drifting upwards from his nostrils.
“Juuuuust the usual; you know how it is," Jet slurred, shutting his eyes and laughing to himself.
The wolf finished his first beer and started his second, again downing half of it. He looked sideways at Jet, his eyes falling to the greasy smear of ointment on the shark's neck.
“He leave you that love bite?" Rakkarth asked, taking another drag.
Jet's hand shot up to his neck and he covered it, his cheeks flushing red. Rakkarth chuckled, a rare thing indeed to finally be the one to annoy or embarrass Jet for once, the sound rumbling upwards from his belly. He coughed and then took another shot as Jet squirmed in his seat, glaring at him.
Jet crossed his arms and huffed out a, “You sound like you're jealous," and turned away from the wolf, and that's when Rakkarth finally saw it.
Rakkarth's eyes shot open and he lurched forward, lifting Jet's arm with one paw, the other moving to Jet's back. His fingertips brushed the shark's flesh gently, barely, as if he was afraid any normal contact might shatter Jet's body to pieces. Rakkarth's fur bristled, standing on end and his eyes glittered as though all of the anger and fury of the universe itself had coalesced there, swirling and seething.
Peeking out from under Jet's arm, where the darker skin of his back and the lighter skin of his undersides met, was the edge of a bruise.
Now that he had seen it, knew what to look for, the rest of them seemed to suddenly manifest themselves as though some sort of enchantment that had kept them hidden had been dispelled. The bruise under Jet's arm was but one of a large collection of them, all sickening shades of purples and greens that spread over the left side of Jet's back like a plague beginning to overtake the shark's body. The shark's entire left shoulder was covered in them, spreading over and past his shoulder blade nearly reaching his spine and down the back of his ribcage - but always under his darker skin, as if whoever had done this did it to keep them concealed. But now they had finally let slip some of the evidence: the edge of a bruise beginning to form under Jet's lighter skin.
The shark whipped his head back around at Rakkarth's touch and began trembling, his face drained of color as he looked into Rakkarth's furious eyes. His mouth flopped open and shut, trying to speak, his foggy mind trying to come up with something, anything at all to say. But it was too late, he could see it in the wolf's gaze. the wolf had discovered his horrible secret.
Rakkarth had finally seen them.
The shark jumped up, fear overtaking him as every muscle and nerve in his body screamed at him to flee. He backed away from Rakkarth, his hands raised to try and calm the wolf.
“R-Rakkarth, I…"
“Jet," Rakkarth began, his voice low and quiet, but shaking with rage. “Jet, who did this to you?"
Jet shook his head, still waving his hands. He turned to run, somewhere, anywhere - to the bathroom, his bedroom, fuck it out the window and into the night where secrets like these remain what they are and where they should be: terrible secrets in the darkest, worst, most horrible places both in reality and in one's mind; where he could lock the knowledge and guilt away again and forget; until next time at least; hoping everyone would forget and no one would ask about them or bring them up or make him confront the shit he didn't want to fuckin' confront; hiding them under shirts and jackets; in the furthest vault inside his mind; all of that was simple, easy; staring it down, face to face, now that was… that was impossible; his footpaws moving now, clumsily, drunkenly; one arm stretched forward into the hallway reaching for his door so far away; the other held firm behind him. Wait, held?
Turning his gaze back to Rakkarth, Jet saw his wrist held firmly in the wolf's paw. His legs buckled and he fell to his knees, then onto his ass, raising his other arm up to shield his face instinctively, like he had learned to do, even if no blows ever landed there.
“Rakkarth, please, it's nothing, just a… just a client at work who got rough the other day, okay?" Jet said, eyes shut, forearm across his face.
The wolf knelt down and squeezed Jet's wrist, not enough to hurt him but solely to keep him where he was, secure, safe.
“Jet. This doesn't happen from one fuckin' accident. This is weeks and weeks if not months," the wolf replied, seeing through that bullshit easily.
“It's nothing - don't worry about it - just let me go, please let me go, Rakkarth - please - I promise it's nothing just let me go!" Jet begged, tugging at his wrist.
The wolf held him there, his shoulders rising and falling with his heavy, strained breathing, a low growl rumbling from deep within him, seemingly from his entire being.
“Who."
“No one, please…"
“Jet, tell me who did this to you."
“Rakkarth please - I'm sorry, I didn't want you to find out…"
“How long has this been going on?"
“Who cares? It doesn't fuckin' matter!"
“It fuckin' matters to me, Jet!"
“Why!?" Jet screamed, lurching forward at Rakkarth, his cheeks flushed and wet, eyes full of tears and glossy. He glared at Rakkarth and tugged again at his wrist, but Rakkarth still held fast. “We don't sleep together, so I don't know why you even fuckin' keep me around!"
“You're worth more than your body, you idiot!"
Jet shook in anger and started laughing bitterly. “No. I'm not."
“To me, you are!" The wolf thundered back, his voice nearly breaking.
The shark looked up at Rakkarth, into his eyes. Past all of the rage he saw something else, and while he couldn't quite put it to words, whatever it was pierced him through the heart. He stopped pulling at his wrist.
“I'm sorry," Jet whispered, rubbing his nose and then wiping the tears from his face. He let out a defeated chuckle and smiled as he continued, “Sometimes I just fuck up and this is what happens." Jet's face twisted in agony but he kept smiling, shrugging his shoulders. “I've tried to get better at it, but mistakes happen."
“Jet. This isn't a 'mistake being made.' You know what this is called."
Rakkarth sat down and tugged Jet's wrist, pulling the shark against himself. He wrapped his arms around the smaller male's body, a paw cradling the back of Jet's head. Jet sniffed, tried to hold it together, failed, and began sobbing into the wolf, his cheek pressed against Rakkarth's chest, grabbing two fist-fulls of the wolf's shirt. The wolf hushed him gently, caressing the back of his head.
“It wasn't your fault, Jet."
Jet didn't respond.
“Are you listening to me?"
Jet nodded.
“You don't deserve to be treated like this."
“I know, deep down, like, I know, but it's hard to believe that when he's the only one who keeps coming back and wants to stay with me."
Rakkarth's ears fell and he sniffed. His vision grew misty, a sensation he hadn't felt in years. He squeezed Jet a little closer, lowering his chin to rest on top of Jet's head. His voice, gravelly and rough as always, trembled as he spoke:
“I'm sorry, Jet, that I made you feel like you didn't matter to me. It's… difficult for me to show affection after what happened."
Jet shook his head slowly. “No, I should have recognized that. I knew you cared in your own way."
The shark lifted his head from the wolf's chest and smiled, looking through his tears at Rakkarth. “You're just a big, grumpy wolf daddy."
Rakkarth rolled his eyes, but he too, smiled, an expression Jet wasn't sure he'd ever seen before. He surely couldn't remember if he had, anyway; the way his black fur and flesh parted to show his sharp, white teeth; his hazel eyes softening a bit; eyelids drooping, ears relaxing. Jet pulled away from Rakkarth and stood up, returning to the couch. Rakkarth followed and passed the bottle of bourbon back to the shark.
Rakkarth lit up another cigarette. “Are you okay?"
The shark hiccuped and nodded slowly. “I'm scared, Rakk, like I'm really, really fuckin' scared."
“I know… I know," he reached out and placed his paw on Jet's back, making sure to avoid the tender areas.
“I'll call him and tell him to leave me alone, that we're done."
“That's a start, at least. Do you want me to be there when you do?"
Jet turned to face the wolf, his eyes filling up again. “Yes! Fuck, yes! I don't know if I'll have the nerve to do it by myself…"
Rakkarth caressed Jet's back gently. “Then I'll be there with you."
* * *
It took a few tries before Asher picked up his phone, seeing as how it was nearly 5:30 in the morning. Jet sat on the edge of his bed, next to Rakkarth who put his arm across the shark's shoulders. Jet rocked back and forth, his footpaws wrestling nervously with one another, his breathing slowed and focused, but his heart and mind racing.
“I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack," Jet said softly as he held cell phone on his lap, having set it to loudspeaker so that Rakkarth could hear and… well, be a witness, Jet figured.
“You won't."
“He's asleep, I don't think he's gonna-"
“Then wake him up."
“But he'll be pissed…"
“Why should you be awake all night suffering and agonizing and he gets to rest like a god damn baby in his bed, Jet?"
“I… I guess you're right…"
There was a click as the phone call connected.
It's the fucking middle of the night, who is this? Hello?
Jet's free hand groped wildly at the voice, blindly searching for something to grab onto. Rakkarth took it in his paw, thumb caressing the back of Jet's hand.
“…Hi, Asher… It's me, Jet."
Oh, hello, Jet. Awful late, isn't it, darling? Need to come see me to help you tire yourself out?
“Uh… um…" Jet began, his eyes widening. He bit his lower lip and turned to face Rakkarth.
Rakkarth nodded at him, squeezing his hand.
Taking a deep breath, Jet continued, “No, Asher. I've called to tell you that I'm done."
You're done?
“I don't want to see you or be with you anymore."
What? Why?
Jet's breathing quickened and his cheeks began to burn. “The fuck do you mean why? I'm done being your fuckin' punching bag, that's why! I'm done apologizing for the shit you do that makes you mad, that you take out on me."
Are you still bent out of shape over dinner?
The shark's voice grew louder and he began to tremble. “Bent out of shape!? Fuck you, asshole!"
Fuck you, you selfish little faggot!
“I'm selfish!?" Jet shot up to his feet, screaming at this point into the phone.
I gave you so much, Jet. I spent so much fucking money on you, took you to fuckin' fancy restaurants on fancy dates, gave you gifts, and look at you, angry at me for it!
“You hurt me, Asher. Did you ever even look at the bruises you left on me and feel guilt? Or is that the kind of thing that you like, do they make your fuckin' dick hard?"
You think anyone else is going to love a faggot like you? A pathetic little faggot who acts like he's hot shit, strutting around and flirting all the fuckin' time for attention to mask how much of a whiny little bitch he is? By all means, Jet, darling, be my guest. You'll find no one will love you like I did.
“Good! I sure as fuck hope not! I'd rather die alone! Don't be so arrogant as to think you did me any fuckin' favors! I never asked you for any of your money or dates, just that you'd love me! But hey, hey, here, how about this, huh, Asher? You listening?
“Take some fuckin' notes, dickhead. How about you take all your money, okay? Take all your fuckin' money and shove it up your ass! Then, okay, this is the most important part, Asher, how about you get in your shitty fuckin' car, and then - still following me? Drive it into oncoming traffic, you fuckin' psychopathic loser!"
Jet hung up the phone and shook violently, flinging it over onto his bed. He kicked his duffel bag across his room, sweeping his arms across his dresser and shoving everything onto the floor, eyes wide and blind with a rage and pain that had built and stewed and festered and that had finally been released all at once. His shoulders rose and fell with his ragged breathing, heart pounding so hard and so fast that it was near impossible to distinguish each individual beat; fingers curling into fists that he slammed into the dresser over and over; lips pulled back into a snarl, ears flat against his head.
“Jet. Jet!" Rakkarth began, reaching out and touching the shark's shoulder.
“Don't fucking touch me!"
Smack.
The shark screamed, whirling around and slapping Rakkarth across the face, claws dragging along, catching in the fur of his muzzle, leaving four thin gashes behind that began to bleed
The wolf's head jerked to the side, his glasses flying off into the hallway and clattering across the wooden floor. He turned his face back to Jet, eyes glistening; his ears drooping.
Jet sucked in a sharp breath and turned back to the wolf, eyes gushing as he threw himself against Rakkarth, hugging him tightly around the neck. He shook and sobbed loudly, apologizing over and over.
“Jet…" Rakkarth said softly. He cradled the back of Jet's head with his paw, his other arm around Jet's waist. “Jet, it's okay, it's over."
“I'm so sorry, Rakk, I'm so fucking sorry… I just… I just… I don't know…"
“That had been waiting to come out for a long time, I know, Jet. It's all right. You're okay, I'm okay. We're both okay."
“You're bleeding…"
“This isn't the first time I've bled, Jet," Rakkarth chuckled, smiling again. “It's okay, Jet, really."
“It's not okay, Rakk, what makes me any different than him, now?"
Rakkarth blinked slowly, releasing Jet and placing his paws on Jet's shoulders. He looked into Jet's eyes and smiled again. “Well, for one, you're not a piece of shit like he is."
Jet gave a half-hearted chuckle. He looked at the gashes he had left behind. They weren't serious cuts, or even deep, and would probably heal in a few days, but the guilt in the shark's heart was there to stay. He reached up and dabbed the trickles of blood from Rakkarth's muzzle, sniffing and stifling another sob as bright crimson ran down his fingers. He closed his hand into a fist and dropped it, unable to look at it any more.
“Rakk, I'm…"
“It's all right, I promise. You were finally able to release all of that pent up pain and rage, and I just got caught in the blast radius."
“I'm sorry…"
“Hey, if there was anyone to share this moment with you, I'm glad it was me." Rakkarth smiled again.
Jet looked up into Rakkarth's eyes, seeing something there, glittering in the wolf's hazel depths; something he couldn't quite name; or even knew if it was real or something he was imagining. His heart pounded. His skin felt warm and comforted by the wolf's embrace and fur. Jet's eyes widened a bit, and he felt his head slowly tipping forward, lips parting as they neared the wolf's.