FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Chapter 56

Ugh, why do I feel so cold… and furless? Sophia uncurled and curled again, trying to find a position that conserved her body heat. And why can’t I bend my head to my legs?

Unable to find a comfortable position and fall back asleep, her brain snapped to full consciousness. Sophia unfolded from the fetal position she was in on top of her bed and propped herself up. As she was moving, her knee struck the plate she had left precariously close to the side of the bed. It slid off the bed and fell onto her rug with a muffled *clunk*.

I must have fallen asleep after eating. Shivering, she raised her nose and checked the air. Bleh, there’s not going to be anything to smell in my room; the air in here is too still. She yawned before crawling forward and burrowing under her blanket, head first. That’s better; It’s just my scent and the bedding though. She scowled. I hate how human I still smell.

Carefully maneuvering, she managed to get herself pointed toward the head of her bed while keeping the blanket on her.

But I’m not human and never really was. She rubbed the side of her torso where her bra strap had painfully dug into her skin during the night. The only time I’ve ever felt like myself was when I didn’t pretend to be human, when I was “Wolfgirl.” I tried to be human, told myself Sophia wasn’t the same as Wolfgirl.

She rubbed her right hip against the bed, trying to rid herself of the sensation of something foreign clinging to her body.

But I am Wolfgirl. Sophia’s true self - my true self - is a wolf.

Despite her efforts, the irritating things that weren't fur refused to let go. Then it occurred to her that what was bothering her was something human in origin.

I’m not a human pretending to be a wolf; I’m a wolf pretending to be human. Understanding struck her like a tidal wave. Clothes, I’m wearing clothes, and wolves don’t wear clothes. No wonder why I’m so uncomfortable wearing them.

Concentrating, she thought about what she had to do to appear human. Coming at it from that perspective, it turned out to be much less difficult to recall how to use her oddly shaped forepaws. Using her limbs that way still felt incongruent with what her brain expected, but it wasn’t the herculean mental effort it had been the last several days. After some effort, she unclasped her bra before swiping it to the side.

One more false skin, she reached down and pulled the irritating fabric that clung to her butt, hips and pelvis down her rear legs and kicked it to the foot of the bed. Much better.

She stretched out on her stomach, savoring the sense of peace that settled over her. The usual dissonance from her physical body was still present, but the inner turmoil that had threatened to break her over the last week had disappeared.

I still have to pretend to be human, even with Shadow, at least until spring. Feeling increasingly warm, she wormed her head out from under the blanket. Unless I grow a fur coat, of course.

Having finally addressed her chief concern, other needs petitioned for redress. She was hungry - the pair of hot dogs had hardly been enough for her even before she had fallen asleep. Her furless skin was still far too sensitive to everything that touched it. The unnaturally still air and smell of the human environment that surrounded her still stoked constant anxiety. However, most of all, she needed…

Wolves need to be with other wolves - their pack, their family. Loneliness clawed painfully at her. My pack, my mate, is Shadow. I belong with him.

Wide awake, she pushed up onto her hands and the balls of her feet. Arching her back, she forced the blanket partway down her torso. She moved forward onto her pillow and the blanket slid onto her hips and butt. With a determined grunt, she shook her lower body. The blanket fell onto her legs. Spinning on all fours, she freed her legs and moved on top of the blanket. She bowed her torso and stretched her arms and back, opening her mouth wide in a yawn.

A prickling sensation travelled all across her body as goosebumps formed, and she sighed. Back to pretending to be human.

---

He’s this way; I know it.

Despite it still being dark out, the temperature was a good bit warmer than it had been the previous morning. Snow was falling, and, even with her superior night vision, Sophia could scarcely see more than a couple of yards ahead of her. Worse, washed out of the air by the snow, there were precious few scents for her to latch onto. All she had was a certainty in her gut that he was near and that she would find him. So, she hiked on, un-stymied by the darkness.

Even so, it came as a relief when a familiar scent briefly touched her nose. Sinking to all fours, she pivoted in the snow until she picked it up again and then headed towards it. The trunk of the spruce it appeared to be emanating from was little more than a faintly glowing cylinder in her vision. Shadow’s mark was barely perceptible amidst the pine smell. Had it been any other wolf, she’d likely have missed it entirely. She leaned in close to the base and sniffed.

It’s definitely him! Her heart fluttered at the muted but familiar musk. He must have made this a few days ago with the snow largely covering it since. It’s my duty to maintain my pack’s claim on its territory, but I also need to find my mate and refreshing it will take some time. She backed up, trying to make a decision. Oh, to not need two-leg coverings.

Her thoughts deviated from her love’s scent as the wolfish designation for humans echoed in her mind.

Two-legs.

It was one of the few wolfish terms she clearly remembered and understood. As Shadow had conveyed it, the concept invoked feelings of dismissiveness, no small amount of contempt, but also some fear. It contrasted sharply with the emotions the term for the species she now identified with conjured.

I am a wolf, and I will do my duty to my pack. She shook her body, fighting futilely against the false skin she was cursed to cover herself with. Even if I have to go about the world as something else.

Standing on two legs, she took off her backpack, removed her gloves and stiffly unzipped her snowsuit, pulling it down to her shins. Following that, she quickly pulled down her sweatpants and thermal underwear. The shock of the cold against her lower anatomy felt good, but she knew that wouldn’t last. Pulling her gloves back on, she got back onto all fours, lifted a leg and aimed her lower section at the tree. She squeezed her pelvic muscles and sent a quick stream of urine, hitting the trunk dead on.

Much better, she turned and examined her handiwork with satisfaction.

Then, her eyes narrowed. That’s odd; why does Shadow’s scent smell much stronger all of a sudden? And there’s something else with it…

A loud, happy rumble sounded from behind her. She tried to whirl towards the sound, but her legs caught in her lowered snowsuit and pants as she did. Thrown off balance, she flipped over, gasping as snow touched her naked butt and the entirety of her vulva.

Shadow let out a muffled chuff before covering it with a concerned whine. Embarrassed, Sophia struggled back onto all fours and pulled her sweatpants back up, but only pulled her snowsuit up to her waist.

Of course, this is how we meet… Me being a clutz and falling into the snow, as usual.

“I’m okay,” Sophia insisted, her cheeks warming.

Her humiliation quickly disappeared, however, as she fully absorbed his presence. While she couldn’t see Shadow beyond a slightly glowing, but otherwise shapeless, form, his scent was strong and definite. Surging awkwardly forward on her gloved hands and boots, she plowed through the snow towards him.

Shadow gave a muffled but elated ‘arf’ and then darted forward a few steps before stopping suddenly. Faintly, Sophia registered tumbling into the snow next to him as he resumed dashing towards her.

‘Many-Scents!’

A thrill ran up Sophia’s spine as she recognized his name for her. Then the two met in a flurry of nuzzles and lick-kisses, their tongues meeting several times as they simultaneously tried to lick each other’s teeth.

“Don’t ever send me away again!” Sophia admonished him semi-seriously as she borrowed her cheek in his neck fur, relishing his perfect scent. “Even if I’d freeze!”

Finally, the pair settled down, and Shadow rested his head and neck on her back as she leaned her head against his upper body. Instinctively, she recognized the subtle differences that marked it as a gesture of love and affection instead of dominance.

“I love you,” she said softly, trying to catch her breath from their animated reunion.

Mischievous Nose! If only I could talk to you properly!

Shadow let out a rumble of his own that Sophia intuitively understood to be an expression of his own love. They remained cuddled together.

“It’s been a long few days,” Sophia murmured. “But we’re together again. And I know what I want now…” She trailed off, unwilling to spoil the moment by giving voice to potential complications.

The large wolf let out a gentle growl.

“I’m a wolf; I’m meant to be a wolf,” the attestation spilled out of her, and she felt tears form in her eyes. “And I want to be your life mate.”

Excitement shot through her at the declaration. She felt no uncertainty over any of it, only quiet resolve and acceptance. She could sense Shadow’s building excitement and joy. He couldn’t understand her words, but she could sense he knew her meaning all the same.

And, maybe, one day, we can build a pack together.

Warmth formed in her lower abdomen as butterflies danced. She burrowed her face even further into his fur and squeezed her thighs together.

One day… I hope…

A chill ran through her as Shadow lifted his head and she realized she was shivering. Despite her internal fire and her lover’s warm pelt, the cold was starting to get to her.

I should put my… false skin back on. A strong instinct stopped her before she could move to cover back up. But there’s something we need to do…

As if in response, Shadow jerked forward, nudged her hip and yipped.

Of course, we must check each other’s wellbeing. Getting to her knees, she worked her snow pants back down after throwing off her gloves. Too bad there’s not much there for Shadow.

She made ready to lower her sweatpants but hesitated.

He’s my mate, and I’m a wolf. What is there to be embarrassed about?

With a flourish, she yanked her sweatpants and thermal underwear down as far as she could get them while keeping the snowsuit on. She let herself fall forward onto her bare hands and propped herself up as well as she could with her boots. As much as her pants allowed, she separated her legs, putting her anus and entrance on full display for Shadow.

Sorry for the ugly two-leg rear and scent. She slid her hands forward in the snow. I certainly get the much better deal.

Homing in on Shadow’s rich musk in the dark, she tilted her head towards his rear as she felt Shadow do the same to her. Instinctively, she tried to raise the tail her brain firmly believed she should have out of the way. His breath tickled her exposed folds, causing her to jerk slightly even as she began to absorb the chemical information broadcast by his gland.

Oh, how I wish I could smell as well as I could during the full moon.

Even with her comparatively limited sensitivity, she gladly drank in her chosen’s virile and healthy scent. She would have lost herself in it entirely if instinct didn’t remind her this was a well-being check. As she withdrew, her brain recognized a strong note of desire and pleasure appearing in Shadow’s scent and she would have wagged her tail right off if she had one.

I still don’t understand what he finds so appealing in me but, damn it, I love him!

As her brain exited her reverie, she realized her hands were painfully numb and the rest of her body was shaking. Sighing sadly, she stood up and quickly pulled on her clothes and snowsuit.

Oh crap, my gloves… She looked at the ground frantically.

Luckily, the first rays of dawn were starting to illuminate the snow around them. She spied her gloves a few feet away, picked them up and quickly pulled them on. Turning, she was happy to find that she could make out Shadow’s strong and handsome form now. She dropped back on all fours and returned to him, enjoying the affectionate lick he gave her when she neared.

The large wolf rumbled and yipped before turning toward something on the ground. Following his gaze, she realized she recognized the scent coming from the dark shape on the ground.

“A rabbit?” she identified it in surprise.

Shadow made a pleased sounding rumble and then rubbed his furry snout against her cheek.

“For me?” she chirped.

It smells really good… And I’m starving. She padded over to the carcass.

Bending her face down, she examined it with her nose, her mouth watering at the faint smell of blood emanating from it. Visually, the rabbit was scrawny and a bit sorry looking, but how it looked didn’t matter to a wolf.

Shadow made a very deliberate series of noises and Sophia looked up at him.

“Hmm?” she prompted.

Her chosen mate pointed his muzzle at it and repeated the series of sounds.

“Oh! You’re telling me the sounds for rabbit!” She caught on.

His ears and tail perked up as he caught that she understood his meaning. Once again, he repeated the sounds and she listened intently, letting them soak into her brain. Leaning in, she gave him a quick lick across his nose.

“Thank you!” she told him gratefully. “And thank you for breakfast!”

Breakfast, heh, am I really going to eat it? She turned to the rabbit, a thrill running through her. There’s no full moon to blame if I do. The limp form stirred a memory in her and she paused, reminiscing. It was just a couple of months ago Shadow first caught and offered me a rabbit. Strange to think I found it gross then.

Shadow made several worried sounds when she didn’t move.

I thought I was human then.

“Was just thinking,” Sophia assured him.

I know better now. Eat or be eaten, indeed.

Placing a gloved hand on the rabbit, she turned its rapidly stiffening body on its back. Opening her mouth, she exposed her small fangs and brought her face down onto the rabbit’s belly. Burying her face in its fur, she brought her teeth together hard. Her pointed canines pierced the rabbit’s hide and she sensed she had a firm grip on it. Pulling her head back while keeping the rabbit pinned with her hand, she turned her head side to side. After a short struggle, her head snapped back as the resistance given by the animal’s hide disappeared.

Looking down, she was pleased to see she had made several ragged incisions in its abdomen. Plunging her face back down, she continued to tear and pull at its hide until she had exposed the bunny’s stomach muscles. She swallowed the small chunk of skin and fur she had torn off while examining the bloody opening she had created. The smell of its insides reached her nose and her mouth watered at the delicacies that lay within.

I go down this road gladly.

Blood and other fluids smeared her face as she gleefully put her teeth to work.

---

Sophia contentedly leaned back on her knees, licking some viscera off her lips. The mangled scraps of the rabbit lay in front of her. Her mostly human mouth had been unable to manage quite a bit of the carcass, even with her changed canines, but she had been able to consume enough for her belly to be content. Anything she had been unable to handle, Shadow had been more than happy to consume. Still, she couldn’t help noticing the pride in his stance whenever she caught him watching her.

Not quite as delicious as during the full moon, but still really good. A lot harder to eat than I remember, though. Leaning towards Shadow, who had just finished chewing up a bone, she cleaned off his muzzle. I still like the liver the best; the heart wasn’t bad either.

The wolf let out a ‘murr’ of contentment as she groomed him, raising his snout as she took care of a spot on his neck fur. Using her teeth, she gently worked out the grime until his fur was practically gleaming in the early morning light. As she withdrew, he made a few gentle noises and then nudged her with his nose. Smiling, she got onto her stomach and propped herself up with her arms while he returned the favor.

This might be the best part of being a wolf.

“I was worried about what I was going to eat today,” she commented as his tongue ran up the side of her neck. “We’re out of meat at my house. At least fruit still tastes good, although I ate the last apple this morning.” Sophia paused to allow him to give attention to her teeth before continuing. “I’ve been needing to eat a lot more lately and most human foods just don’t smell very interesting.”

If only I could hunt on my own…

Shadow made several sounds and touched his nose to hers affectionately. He turned and looked at her, making another series of sounds. Sophia listened intently, carefully noting the different vocalizations.

Hopefully, I’ll figure out how to talk back, too. Oh, I miss being able to talk with him.

He moved forward and then repeated the sounds. Realizing he wanted her to follow, she grabbed her backpack, got to all fours and started following him. It didn’t take long for the challenges her clothing, body and the snow posed to force her onto two legs.

So humiliating walking on two legs, She marveled at how Shadow seemed to effortlessly glide through the snow. One day, I hope.

Luckily, Shadow’s destination didn’t turn out to be far, and he led her to a large sheltered spot between a tall spruce and a massive rock. The snow was considerably thinner there, with parts of the ground exposed.

He must come here often, judging by how thick his scent is. Sophia tossed in her backpack before sinking back onto all fours and crawling into the depression. How sweet of him to bring me to it.

She sniffed around the depression curiously, noting where her mate-to-be’s scent was strongest. When she was satisfied, she crawled over to where Shadow was lying on a bare patch of ground. There, she removed her hat and the upper part of her snowsuit. Snuggling in alongside him, she rested her head and shoulders against his upper body.

“I love you so much,” she murmured. “And I’m honored you’d have me as your wolfess.”

Shadow’s ears twitched, and he let out a series of noises Sophia intuitively knew to be an expression of love. They lay like that silently for a bit, just enjoying each other’s warm presence.

“Thanks for being patient,” Sophia finally gave voice to her anxieties. “I was so foolish.”

Shadow turned his head to look at her, and he made a questioning whine.

“I was trying so hard to be a wolf,” she admitted. “Thought I was trying to escape being human. I thought that if I came to you, it would make me a wolf.”

Shadow nuzzled her and made a comforting rumbling sound deep in his throat.

Sophia cuddled in closer and then said, “But I already was - am - a wolf, even if I can’t live as one. At least not yet.” She sighed, “The part I was actually having trouble with was pretending to be human, and I wouldn’t have realized it if it wasn’t for my human best friend.”

Sophia lifted her head to look at Shadow before, “And now that I know what I want, I’m terrified I’ll hurt her if I go after it.” Her voice dropped to just above a whisper, “You’re my mate and pack, but she’s also my best friend. How can I give both of you what you deserve?”

Her mate-to-be made a series of sounds that Sophia knew to be supportive.

“I wish life was simple…” she lamented softly.

Shadow locked his uncannily sharp eyes with hers before tenderly nuzzling her forehead with his nose.

Can I live as both wolf and human?

---

New chapters are made available early for subscribers on Subscribe Star!

Join my Discord!