Sandy vs. Udon 1
Sandy Cheeks seeks a thrill she can't get anywhere else
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Sandy Cheeks leads a life of intense study under the sea. Her experiments and research have led her to many breakthroughs in multiple scientific fields, but that doesn’t mean that the squirrel doesn’t have other hobbies as well. A well-trained mind also needs a well-trained body.
“Hiiii-yah!” Spongebob leaps from behind a rock as Sandy is studying some clams. With his comically oversized training glove, the attack wouldn’t do much damage—that is, if it were to hit.
But Sandy, despite being busy with her work, whirls around and performs a spinning chop, already having her own training foam hand at the ready, and chopping across Spongebob’s stomach!
The sea creature deforms at the strike, flying back and hitting the rock. He bounces back with not so much as a squeak, completely unharmed due to his squishy anatomy.
“Wow, Sandy,” says the yellow square. “You sure really are good at karate!”
“Darn Tootin’! But you almost got me that time, Spongebob. Next time, you gotta make sure your kiyahs are more silent in the sneak attacks. Or, if’n you have a hankerin’ to be honorable, just come on and challenge me.”
“Okay, Sandy!” He gasps, looking at his watch. “Oh my gosh! It’s almost time for work! I’ll see you later, Sandy!”
Sandy chuckles, watching Spongebob leave and sighing as he disappears over the horizon.
“That boy sure is a kid at heart,” says the squirrel, but she sighs at that, remembering all those early times she tried to throw a few hints his way that they could be tighter than clamshells, but even after their hottest, most intense karate matches, one thing is sure about Spongebob: He’s as sexual as a nun—and not the kind you read in saucy stories.
This presents a problem for Sandy, her lips twitching and her sweat building up. With a growl, she stomps back to her dome, where she can take off her suit and be alone with her thoughts.
“Sandy’s Log. Today, I was interrupted again by another karate match,” Sandy begins, lying back on her bed and holding her microphone as she stares at the ceiling. “Them darn things make me hotter’n a junebug in July,” she admits, “But I ain’t never found anyone compatable enough to have a roll-in-the-hay with.”
She sighs, rolling onto her stomach, kicking her feet up in the air. “It ain’t my fault I got a hankerin’ for some boinkin’ when I get into a fight! And it ain’t Spongebob’s fault he’s the only other thing in Bikini Bottom who can go toe-to-toe with me in a match. The only one ever close enough to my skill level was…”
She trails off, rubbing her eyes. “Aw shucks, am I really gonna… I ain’t… right?”
Growling at herself again, she hops up and pulls out her shellphone, grumbling as she finds the number she seeks.
The phone rings a few times before an old, velvety voice speaks up. “Condo Island—where your investment is time and money! How may I help you?”
“This is Sandy Cheeks,” Sandy says, sitting cross-legged on her bed.
The voice on the other side pauses momentarily before turning dour. “And what do you want, Miss Cheeks?”
She rubs the back of her head. “Listen, uh, Master Udon, I was thinkin’ and, you remember that time you kidnapped my friend and then I had to go and beat you up in a karate match to get you to stop forcin’ him to buy yer scam.”
She can clearly hear the grinding of teeth on the other side. “Yes, I remember breaking through the wall, falling into the goo sea, and then having to face multiple weeks of recovery and physical therapy—why?”
Sandy bites her lip, her whole body shaking. “Well, the thing is… if’n it weren’t for the whole ‘kidnapping my friend’ thing and ‘forcin’ me on a trial of multiple floors of martial arts masters, well, havin’ a match was kinda fun. And, it gives me a hankerin’ somethin’ fierce. I think you know what I’m talking about.”
Master Udon’s voice becomes a bit smoother and chipper once again, a hint of superiority spreading over it. “Miss Cheeks, is this a call about karate, or are you getting at something different?”
“You know very well what I’m getting at, Master Udon. Now, it ain’t ever day that a champion asks to rematch the one they beat, you know.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“So, I wanna invoke the rite of delight.” She says this, her hand in the hole that her legs make. “And I think you’re the only one who can give it to me.”
“Well, well, well,” Master Udon says, chuckling. “This is a surprise. It’s been quite some time since I’ve faced someone in a rite of delight. Some time, indeed. You know, the people of Bikini Bottom are so, how do you say, lacking in that particular drive.”
“Don’t I know it!” says Sandy, gripping her phone tightly, squeezing her sheets. “So, you’ll do it?”
“I’m most honored you’d call an old man like me for such a thing,” he admits, “But why don’t we make this more interesting?”
Sandy’s breath gets deeper, heavier. “H… how so?”
“If I were to win this little contest of ours,” he says, “then you will have to serve as one of the masters on Karate Island.”
“Weren’t that just a scam?”
“A scam that worked—until you ruined it,” he hisses.
Groaning, Sandy rubs her eyes and says, “Fine. But if I win…” she pauses. What could she possibly ask this fish for? “Then you spread the word that Sandy Cheeks seeks out more challengers.”
“My, you are a needy one, aren’t you?” says Master Udon. “Let us meet on Karate Island—our battle shall be legendary.”