jorkin my peanits

Story by fluorinatedfurry on SoFurry

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it's a miracle they don't start fucking sooner. if you'd like to see all my stories and art now, they're all hanging out at https://t.me/malandrossadventures!


-pretty early on in their relationship -before things get very hot and steamy -instead they're just a tiny bit hot and steamy -and painfully awkward ross: *knocking on the bathroom door* mal, immediately snippy: what? ross: you've been in there a bit? ross: wanted to take a shower mal: oh mal: right mal: can you give me another minute? ross: I'm not in a huge rush ross: *leaning against the wall* ross: *looking at his phone for a minute or two* ross: *hearing kind of a loud, wet flush* ross: *and mal washing their hands* mal, in shorts and a T-shirt: *pushing open the door* mal: *flinching, staring at ross* ross, looking down: what? mal, annoyed: what are you doing? ross: waiting? mal: mal: k mal: *walking off* ross: ?? ross: *internally shrugging* ross: *stepping into the bathroom* ross: *connecting his phone to his little bluetooth speakers* ross: *staring at himself in the mirror* ross: *posing and flexing for a sec* ross: *feeling great* ross: *heading for the shower* ross: *getting kind of a weird smell* ross: *looking over at the toilet* ross: *deciding if it'd be worth checking* ross: ross: *sighing* ross: *opening the toilet* ross: *seeing it's clogged with tissues and toilet paper* ross: *and smells a bit like blood and semen* ross: ??? ross: *grabbing the toilet plunger* ross: *unclogging the toilet* ross: *making a mental note to talk to mal later* ross: *grabbing the speaker* ross: *stepping into the shower* ross: *hanging the speaker on a hook, pressing play* ross: *showering, singing along* ------ [uhhh cut to that afternoon] [with mal and ross eating cereal] mal: *staring at their phone* ross: *figuring out how to talk to mal* ross: *clearing his throat* mal, staring up at ross: hm? ross, crossing his arms, leaning back: look ross: not sure how to bring this up ross: but you masturbate, right? mal: ???? mal: whyyyyy do you ask? ross: just 'cause of the cult ross: and its attitude about that ross: even though it's a healthy thing in general mal: to jerk off? ross: yeah ross: there's some studies that say it's good if you do it every couple days or something mal, giving ross a weird expression: okay? mal: I do? ross: sooooo ross: how, exactly? mal: what are you getting at here? ross: look ross: I don't want to get in your business ross: but the other day ross: I was in the shower ross: and I know you were trying to be quiet about it ross: but I've got a way better sense of smell than you ross: and you also clogged the toilet mal: god fucking damnit mal: I was in a rush mal: and you scared me, so ross, waving a paw: I don't care ross: I just don't want you hurting yourself mal: it's fine mal: it happens sometimes ross: it shouldn't be happening at all ross: I keep lube on the counter mal: I'm not using your lube?? ross: it's yours too ross: I don't care mal: the bottle's probably pretty filthy ross: I wipe it down mal: ross: *pulling himself up* ross: *heading over to the bedroom, gesturing for mal to follow* mal: ??? ross, standing in the bedroom doorway, arms crossed: come on, mal ross: going to show you how to jerk off mal, snippy: I don't need the help ross: I'll show you once ross: and then never bother you again ross: sound good? mal: *rolling their eyes* mal, setting their phone down: god, fine, whatever mal: *getting up, walking over to the bathroom* ross: *grabbing a tissue, spraying some hand sanitizer on it* ross: *wiping down the lube bottle* ross: there ross, looking back at mal: that good with you? mal: it's just the feeling of it mal: like you keep, lubing yourself mal: and using it again mal: so it's like touching your, stuff ross, sarcastic: ooooh, why don't I just grab your ass and cock mal: *startled* ross: it's the kind of thing you would say ross: look ross: I can get you your own bottle mal, looking away: it's just that it's a bit slimy mal: and gets everywhere ross: that's just cum ross: and you really don't need much lube ross: *squeezing a bit out* ross, showing it to mal: see? mal, crossing their arms, looking ross's way: hm ross: *lubing his dick* mal, looking away quickly: d- ross!? ross: mal mal: *looking back over at ross hesitantly* ross, rubbing it up and down his cock: it's just to make it slick mal, turned on and startled: okay?? ross, gesturing to his slightly hard dick: see? mal, still staring at ross's dick: and it won't like mal: drip or run or anything? mal: I don't want it on my paws ross, looking at mal: first of all, again ross: you don't need that much ross: secondly ross: what are you even doing? mal, looking up at ross, startled: what am I doing? ross: how are you jerking off? mal: I just mal: you know mal: toilet paper mal: or underwear mal: to mal: uh mal: catch all of it mal: ross: that's fine? ross: just throw some lube in there ross: it's easy to wash off and wipe off ross: might need a little more, but ross: don't see the harm there ross: don't just keep jacking off ross: and pace yourself mal: o-okay? mal: is that it? ross: ross: actually mal: *heart skipping a beat* ross: every tried autofellatio? mal, looking at ross: w-what? ross: sucking yourself off? mal: like mal: giving yourself a blowjob? ross: mhm mal: you can do that?? ross: *I* can do that ross: and a lot of people can, in general ross: want me to show you how? mal: *heart pounding* mal: y-yeah ross: sick ross: just lie down on the floor mal: okay? mal: *hesitating* ross: I won't do anything ross: without telling you first, anyways mal: o-okay mal: *laying down on the ground* ross: and lift your legs up mal: *doing that* ross, crouching down in front of mal: okay ross: I'll lift your legs over your head ross: let me know when or if it hurts ross: and we can stop ross: does that sound good? mal: y-yes ross: *cool* ross: *starting to lift mal's legs* mal: *seeing their crotch getting closer and closer* mal: *and their back starting to hurt* mal: ow! ross: *pausing, moving mal's legs back a bit* ross: you good? mal: yeah mal: just haven't done that before ross: mhm ross: pretty good for a start, though ross: and sometimes I have to take a couple breaks before I can do it ross: if you want to keep going? mal: y-yeah mal: just a second ross: ross: you know ross: if you wanted to do this kind of thing ross: stretching would help mal: ugh mal: really can't fucking help yourself, huh? ross: just pointing it out ross: and if that's what it takes for you to take stretching seriously mal, rolling their eyes: yeah, yeah, fair point mal: mal: okay, let's try again ross: *pushing mal a bit farther, lifting up mal's butt and legs* mal: *taking a couple deep breaths* ross: *pausing* mal: I'm good ross: if you're sure? mal: yeah ross: *going a little bit farther* mal: *wincing* mal: okay, stop there ross: *pausing* ross: you know ross: you're scrawny ross: but it's helping you a bit mal: okay? mal: even when you're complimenting me mal: you're not ross: *sighing* ross: fine ross: you're doing a good job ross: and I'm proud of you ross: how does that sound? mal, turned on a bit more: better mal: *taking a deep breath* mal: let's take it all the way ross: here goes nothing ross: *pushing mal's legs until they touch the ground behind mal's head* mal: *grunting* mal: *seeing their crotch bump against their face* ross: there we go! ross: how's that feel? mal, turned on: getting, used to it ross, looking in between mal's legs: and that's all there is to it ross, smirking: except, y'know, the dick part mal, rolling their eyes: yeah, yeah ross: I'd show you my fleshlight ross: but you proobably wouldn't like it mal, confused: fleshwhat? ross: ?? mal: why is it called *that*? ross: no idea about the light part ross: but it's a sex toy ross: it's like a tube you fuck mal: really? ross: you haven't heard about it? mal, annoyed: I haven't heard about a lot of things mal: and no mal: I don't want to fuck your fuck tube ross, sighing: figured ross: I can get you your own? mal: can you clean those things out? ross: it takes a bit, but yeah mal: sounds like kind of a hassle, honestly ross, rolling his eyes: you're so cheap mal, glaring at ross: and we're so poor mal: in case you forgot about it mal and ross: *short pause* mal: ross: mal: can you get off me ross: yeah, sorry ross: *letting go of mal* mal: *pulling themself into a sitting position* mal: *wincing, stretching* mal: stupid fucking back ross, on his knees: hahaha ross: only gets worse with time ross: get fucked! mal: fuck off ross and mal: *another awkward pause* mal: *feeling the mild temptation to suck their dad off, his dick is right there* mal: that it? ross: yeah, I'm good mal: k mal: thanks for mal: that mal: I guess ross: you're being sarcastic ross, pulling himself up: but anytime ross: *reaching a paw down to mal* mal, shaking their head: give me a sec ross: k ross: *walking off* mal: *staring at ross's butt* ------ [a bit later, in the shower] [ross is probably out of the apartment with some hookup] mal: *staring down at their dick, Thinking* mal: *sitting down in the shower* mal: *struggling to get their legs up* mal: *getting blasted by water, wiping their face* mal: *getting into position, seeing their dick waving over their face* mal: *too anxious about getting caught and/or making a mess* mal: *sighing, pulling themself back up* -fin!!!! -haha yeah -mal being a bit shy -they'll get over it eventually uwu