FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The fridge closed with a soft hiss, cool air brushing her scaly arms. The reflection of a green kobold holding a coffee mug caught Lys's eye; the morning sunlight gave her white horns a glow, and she smiled back. Taking a sip for good measure, the coffee's bitter note mixed with a caramel creamer felt nice too. Jack had good taste in coffee and a few other things. Her tail gave a lazy flick against the counter's edge, claws tapping against the mug as her thoughts drifted. Jack knew a few things with his tongue that almost put her own to shame. It made her feel wanted. Not exactly the long night of love she'd hoped for, but enough to make her hips sway before she remembered her guest. "Mom?" Lys called, her voice echoing in the quiet. She took another sip, the mug's weight grounding her. "I made coffee." No answer; she'd been on the couch not a moment ago. Sunlight spilled across the living room as much as it could from the only living room window. Lys could see a horror flick DVD from who-knows-where that Rodil forgot to put back. She rolled her eyes and went for the bedroom, toeclaws clacking on the linoleum. Lys poked her head into the bedroom and froze. Ixby was standing by the drawers, turning a familiar-looking piece of red lace through her claws, eyeridges raised in amusement. "Do humans really make such things for us?" she asked. Lys felt her hide bristle. She was trying to figure out what to say, but her mother kept turning over the beloved gift in her hands like it were a joke, ready to laugh. "I didn't raise you for this." "Stay out of my things!" Lys crossed the room in two strides and yanked the lingerie from her mother's claws. Her tail slapped the bedframe with an angry crack. Ixby only blinked, the corners of her muzzle tightening. "Touchy, hatchling," Ixby said, her snout wrinkled as she looked at the fabric. "A human tosses you a warm meal and some frilly clothes, and you play the pet for him." She licked her lips. "And don't grab things out of my hand." "Jack didn't 'toss' me anything. He showed me love." She looked at the soft, red underwear in her hands and smiled for a moment. Ixby sniffed at the air at the sound of the word, like it smelled foul. Her orange eyes traced the lingerie again. "Love," she said softly. "I'm sure that's all he's enjoying." "Get over it." "Get over what?" The blue kobold started tugging at the mattress, popping it out from the corner. Lys watched her toying with it. Mom didn't want to look her in the eye. "That you spread legs and lift tail for a human every night?" Even saying it made her look ill. The breath hitched in the green kobold's throat, her eyes narrowed. "There it is," she started, her tail lashing out behind her. "Mom isn't getting her way, so she turns to ice. And I wonder why I was so cold as a hatchling." "I shouldn't have come." Her claws began to shake. She looked away. "Let me find my piece, and I'll leave." Lys laughed, short and bitter. "'Your piece? You tear through my things and lose it over a scrap of lace?" Her expression sharpened as she glanced over at the drawers. "That's what you were doing. I don't know where it is. If you think you're going to blow in here, gun in hand, and tell me how to run my life--" The wild-eyed look on her mother's face made her stop mid-sentence. Ixby clutched the sheet between her claws and chuckled. Lys cocked her head. "Your human said the same thing to me last night." Ixby touched the side of her head, rubbing the wound again. "I knew there would be trouble, but not that I'd be unwanted." "His name is Jack." Lys said quietly. "And you would have been welcome if you hadn't pointed a gun in his face." She exhaled hard. "I don't know how many times I have to say I missed you, but you can't play victim after threatening my mate." Mom winced at the sound of the word, and her tail jerked. She stared at the dust in the morning sunlight like it had something to say. "I don't like it." Her voice wavered. "It's wrong. He's using you, and you're too in love with this idea to see it." Her throat clicked. "It makes me sick, Emerald." Her eyes were glistening. "I thought you said he looked handsome." "That doesn't mean I want you sprawled out for him. Let him find another. What does he even see in you?" "We both saw each other for the same thing." Her thoughts drifted for a moment before she straightened up. "What does it matter to you? This is still my life." She didn't sound so certain. "Because it matters!" Her voice cracked. "He is tall, pale, and human, and you--" she shook her head, "you can't breed with him." Lys frosted over; that was the real reason Mom was getting upset. She'd tried to put the reality from her mind, but it was inescapable now. Her tail went rigid. "It's true," Ixby said, seeing the heartbreak on her face. Lys's came barely above a whisper. "And I still love him; you'll never understand." Ixby sat up straight with her shoulders squared. Lys could see the lines of fatigue in Mom's muzzle with the sunlight; just talking about it seemed to age her. "I'm not sure if you understand. Will you still love him a year from now?" she asked, her voice low. "Five? Ten? When you've spent your seasons with no hatchlings of your own? Will it be so wonderful?" Lys flinched. "Have you ever watched an eggshell break and felt that tiny life breathing in your claws? Had it look back at you and know you?" Her voice cracked. "Do you think his kind will accept you? His family, his world? You're living in a daydream." And there--the truth, cold and final as a coffin lid. The ice swallowed her up until the only thing she could feel was the beating of her heart. The air turned sharp, caught between a sob and a scream. Ixby eyed her up and down before turning back towards the sunlight. Her tail did a limp twitch, and then she got up and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Lys let herself fall onto the mattress, the cool sheets pressed against her hide. The holidays, her mother, the years to come. It all came rushing in at once. What would happen when Christmas finally came around? She stared up at the ceiling, unable to stop herself from sobbing, which gave way to the slow trickle of tears. Her head ached, and her hide felt warm. Spent and weak, sleep crept up on her. A heavy, merciful blanket of dreamless nothing. She drifted in the gentle quiet, flickers of thoughts and feelings floating past and fading away. But a rising need pushed through the void until she opened her eyes again. The dull ache passed, but the silence pressed on her, like the room was waiting for her to make the first move. She pulled herself up. Her tail curled over her leg, and she brushed it gently in slow, absent strokes. The grogginess faded just as her hip started vibrating. Groaning, her tired claw dug into her pocket. "Hello." "Hi Sweet, what's up? You sound tired," Jack said. "I just woke up." "How are you doing?" She looked at the bedroom door. "Fine...already had my first fight with Mom." There was a short hesitation. "That was fast." "Yeah." "About what?" "Stuff. The kind that mothers never stop having with their spawn." "She hasn't...done anything, has she?" "What do you mean?" Her voice flattened. "She just got here." Lys stood up and flexed her feet. "You know, kidnapping you, telling you what a bad person I am, stealing all our good silver." Lys rolled her eyes. "I'm fine." "Still don't like this, not at all." Lys clutched her phone. "It's done." "Oh, it's far from done--" "Jack. Please." She accepted the silence as surrender and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "I need to ask you something when you get home." "Umm, okay. Why can't you ask me now?" "Because I can't." "Your mother?" "There's just something I want to talk to you about when you get home." "And that something has nothing to do with anything your mother has done... Alright, Sweet, I've got to get back to work, but call me if..." "I will. Love you." "Love you too." She ended the call and sighed. The bedroom door loomed. A boundary between her and carrying on like she hadn't had a major fight with her mother. Instinct told her to stay there, curled up and waiting until Jack got home. She'd spent so much time trying to convince herself she'd grown past that kind of thing, and now she was letting her mother dictate her actions again. She pushed herself up off the bed, flinging the door open. The living room was empty, and the kitchen too. The coffee pot felt lukewarm to the touch, with a faint scent of what might have been a delightful morning still lingering. Only when she turned around did she see the note on the door. Her stomach twisted. "Gone to the store. Mom." Crooked and haphazardly taped. Lys sighed at her mother's tidy, slanted script, written surprisingly well. She'd overreacted--maybe. If Mom had walked out, that fight might be the last thing between them. She couldn't bear that. Besides, she might need help finding items at the store or even locating the store itself. "Grr." Her forked tongue peeked out. She'd forgotten to get Mom's number. The closet door squealed, and a sharp tug on her coat brought it down from the hanger. There was only one store in this run-down dump anyway. Lys went back into the bedroom, plucking a key from the nightstand. "I am not going through that again." She gave the apartment one last nervous look and stepped out, locking the door behind. Cold, gray, and joyless. A powerful gust pushed into her right as she turned around; loose leaves fluttered about, smacking her all over. A greeting from the oncoming winter. She didn't bother to take in the view; there wasn't one worth taking now. The wooden steps clacked and shifted under her hurried steps. Before she'd even had time to think twice, she was already down the block, breath fogging in front of her muzzle. Her eyes watered against the gusts as she crossed against the light, running over the cracked asphalt like it might open and swallow her at any moment, and past the old barbershop, one of the only places not boarded over. No time for nerves; she'd been alone countless times, but this felt like sneaking away. Her head swiveled, looking down every side street. If Mom wasn't there...the next few months would be far colder. She darted past a surprised pedestrian, tail brushing their leg. She rounded the corner, almost in a sprint, as the fear she might not see Mom again swelled up. In the distance she saw a blue figure casually walking away. "Mom!" she called out, lungs burning from the run. Ixby turned, eyeridge raised. She frowned for a moment and then crossed her arms, a smug smile curling her snout. "Emerald, why?" Lys came to a stop in front of her, chest heaving. "Well...I..." "Yes?" Her blue tail swayed, punctuating the question. Lys took a few deep breaths. "I just thought... You've never been to the store?" The words sounded foolish the moment they left her mouth. Her mother's laughter broke across the street, warm and melodic despite the cold. "I haven't been to this store. God and elders, did you come here to protect me?" Her smile softened to loving amusement. It reminded Lys of days she used to trail behind that same tail, clutching it for safety when she was small. Her mother would say something almost like that. It felt good, for a heartbeat. "Why did you even need to go to the store? We have food." She was still panting. The blue kobold chuckled again. "I wasn't going for food." "What?" Her orange eyes shifted. "I wasn't looking for my gun earlier. I was hoping to find some of Jack's cigarettes; I could smell them in there." Lys's bubble of relief popped twice over. First at her own assumptions, and then at the real reason. "When did you even start smoking?" "When I wanted to. I hope you never feel the need." "They sell patches for that. Jack was using them." "I don't want to use some ridiculous patch; it probably wouldn't stick to scales anyway. Now come on, before we freeze solid." That word worked its own black magic. Lys became all too aware of the cold again, shifting left to right, trying to resist rubbing her feet. Mom looked on in disbelief. "They've always been sensitive, you know that." "Hmmph." Ixby looked down, the corners of her maw raised in that familiar way. She was plotting something, and whatever it was had to do with her feet. The blue kobold nodded to herself once and then resumed her walk towards the store with her tail springing about, as if she'd tricked someone. Lys fell in step behind and put it out of her head. She kept her eyes on her mother, with a calm, easy gait, casual as could be. The parking lot buzzed with engines and chatter, people darting in and out for gas and snacks. Ixby didn't so much as pause, brushing past the gawkers still shocked to see bolds out and about. An older man stepping out noticed the two of them and held the door open with a kind smile beneath his graying mustache that set Lys at ease. "Thank you," she said. Mom had already slipped past without a glance. They'd walked right into the middle of the lunch rush. A small line waited at the register, another at the food counter. The smell of grease and coffee swept under the glow of fluorescent lights. Lys paused, instinctively mapping the exits, an old habit that refused to die. "Mom? No answer, already gone. A kid in the candy section jolted when she hissed under her breath. The first time in here she'd liked to faint, and now Mom was shopping like it was nothing. She darted between the aisles and the shoppers until she spotted her among the chips, half-crouched and sniffing a bag. "Mom." Ixby looked up, holding a bag of Cheetos. "Since we're here, we might as well get something to eat. You're hungry, yes? What is with that glare?" "I can't believe you. You stroll in like you own the store." She laughed. "What's so glorious about shopping at a stop-and-rob?" Lys clenched her jaw. Jack had to drag her in here the first time, but her mother was shopping at the "stop-and-rob" for snacks. "Where are you going? What has gotten into you?" Ixby grabbed her by the arm. "One moment we're fine, and the next you're furious." "I am furious. You're in here just picking up chips." Ixby cocked her head. "Is there something wrong with chips?" "There's something wrong with you." Ixby leaned back, her tail flicking dangerously close to a passing customer. "What did I--" "All those stories you told me about humans," Lys snapped. "About what they'd do to me. And how to stay away from them. I was so scared when Jack brought me here." The blue kobold snorted. "And they do. Just because you found one man who doesn't treat you like dirt for having scales doesn't mean they won't." "It doesn't mean they will, either. Most people around here are pretty nice--" "Hey! Look who it is!" The two bolds turned to see a man waving from the register with his name tag and friendly smile. Lys remembered him from last time and waved back. Ixby frowned as he stepped out from behind the counter and came over. "Haven't seen you in a while," he said. "Hey, what happened to the yellow one? I thought Jack had traded up--and switched sides." Lys blinked. "Yellow? Oh, you mean Rodil." He snapped his fingers. "Yeah, that was the one. Big guy, well, big for a kobold. Kinda nervous, but nice enough. I guess Jack switched back to the old model." "Old model?" She thought about it and laughed. "I get it. Jack was just taking him out for donuts." "Gotcha." He looked at Ixby. "Man, you guys really do come in all colors. This Jack's new girlfriend then?" Lys giggled. "God no, this is my mother." "Oh." His grin faltered into a wince. Lys enjoyed the awkwardness; Ixby, not so much. Her mother's eyes had gone wide, her tail twitching like a whip ready to strike. The cashier seemed to realize too late. "I'd better get back; line's forming again." He pivoted away. Ixby rattled out a low churr, statue-still and holding the Cheetos like a weapon. It was rare to see her angry and speechless. "Stop," Lys said, brushing her shoulder. "He was only being nice." "I hate that about shopping. Pretending to be friendly," she said under her breath. "He wasn't pretending. That's what's bothering you." "Too familiar." "It's called being polite." Lys smirked. "Are you going to stand here until your hide cracks?" The blue kobold's posture eased; the mask of bravado came back. "I'll let it go. But--" "Then let it go." Ixby huffed, snatching up a different bag. "Fine. Pick something. I still need to get my cigarettes. And another thing, you didn't actually say what I think you said, did you?" Lys plucked some Combos off a peg. "Say what?" "That hollow-skulled lizard isn't lurking around here, is he?" "Rodil? Yeah, he visits regularly. And don't call him that." Ixby grimaced at the news but started grinning. "You knew who I was talking about." Lys ignored her, slipping over to the row of coolers. She grabbed an energy drink, the kind Jack liked. She needed the boost with the kind of day it'd been. Some cupcakes joined her selection of junk food before she'd made it to the back of the line. Mom was already waiting, dodging someone who'd almost backed into her. "You think we'd be hard to miss," Ixby said. "I should trip one of them with my tail; they'd notice then." Lys heard the register open and close. Standing in line with Mom wasn't exactly bonding time; she was still trying to find somewhere to squeeze in a moment with her that didn't involve disagreeing. A silent sigh echoed in her head. Catching up came with a catch. "Have a better one," the cashier said. Another customer nodded and walked out, coffee in hand. The counter imposed on her, and she had trouble seeing over it. She frowned at the rack of cigarettes lining the wall behind. At least Mom hadn't taken up chewing. The customer ahead of them started gathering up his things and turned to leave when he caught Lys's eye and froze on the spot. Lys turned to stone; she knew this guy. A row of fresh, thick scars lined his arm. Claw marks. "Umm, excuse me!" The lady behind them barked, giving him the stink eye. He shot Lys one final, black look and walked out, bag gripped in his hand. "Emerald?" Ixby asked. Lys felt a claw on her shoulder. "What was that?" Lys kept looking out the door until Ixby nudged her forward. "Go on and put your things up there." She blinked, like waking up out of a haze. "Oh." "And two packs of Kool Menthol One Hundreds, please." The cashier shot her a glance somewhere between suspicion and disbelief. His eyes darted back and forth a few times. "Ah, to hell with it. I'm gonna assume you're old enough since you're her mother. Comes to twenty-two fifty. And sorry if I said anything earlier." He flashed a smile, but Mom was too busy with her wallet. She handed him a plastic card, pinched between her claws, casual as could be. Lys frowned. "Where did you even get money?" Her mother's voice was calm and distant. "How does anyone get money? I earned it." "Doing what?" "Get your things, Emerald." Lys sighed, grabbing up her junk food. This was going to be a future argument; she could feel that right down to her tail. She gave the glass-paned doors a harsh glare; her feet had only now warmed up again. The cashier gave her one last wave. "Hey, have a better one." Outside, the cold attacked her anew, like it'd dropped ten degrees in the short time they'd been there. Lys tore into her Combos and shoved a clawful into her maw like she hadn't eaten in years. Her eyes half-closed in cheese-filled bliss. Salt, grease, and sugar--she loved it from tail to horn. A bright spot in a turbulent day. Beside her, Ixby flicked a lighter, cigarette in her maw. Two entirely different hungers at work. "What was that about in there?" "Mmmf?" "You obviously knew that man. He looked at you like he wanted to finish something he'd started." She washed down a mouthful of Combos with some Red Bull and sighed. "Yeah, I know him. He and his...friends tried to rob me." She'd resisted the urge to say something colorful. Ixby stopped mid-step, coughing as if she'd swallowed smoke. "What now?" "I don't want to talk about it." Lys waved her off. "They jumped me and Roddy on the street and tried to steal my phone." "And you let them?!" "No, I didn't let them! They knocked me down. Roddy clawed one of them good; some of them chased after him, and then I ran, ended up in a backyard, and set a huge dog on them. The end." Two large plumes of smoke billowed out of Ixby's snout. "A dog?" "They chased me into someone's yard; there was a huge dog in the house. I let it out, and it went for them. I didn't stay to watch." Lys walked ahead, putting an end to the conversation. Mom had to catch up to her for a change, but it gnawed at her--this punk was local, local enough to shop at the same stop-and-rob. Maybe his friends were just as local too. Maybe Jack was right; maybe she should stay home. "Did they hurt you?" Ixby asked, smoke puffing out and fading away. "It doesn't matter now. They got what they deserved." "And the hollow skull helped?" Lys snarled, crumbs scattering. "He saved my life." "It was that serious?" "Who knows what they would have done? Can we please drop it now?" Ixby brushed her side with her tail. "You bring it up and expect me not to worry? I'm your mother." "Oh, now you're worried." Mom grabbed her by the wrist, gently. Lys watched her flick away the half-smoked Kool. "Lys." Her name hung in the air. The rest of the street seemed to go quiet. The two of them standing on the sidewalk. Ixby stepped closer, her muzzle softening. "Wait." She nuzzled into her cheek and gave her a lick. "Please don't ever think I don't love you, Emerald." Lys closed her eyes. There was no edge in her mother's tone, no invitation to disagree. Just Ixby's soft breath across her neck. Lys leaned into her, letting her tail come around to brush her. "I'd never think that Mom... Sometimes I just..." "I overstepped earlier." Lys gave a breathy laugh. "Yeah." "And I do worry for you." "I know. I'm sorry. Not really a happy story, except for the dog going after them." Mom's eyes brightened. "Clever. I hate dogs more than I hate humans. I hope they mangled each other." Lys rolled her eyes and started walking again. "You don't really hate them. If you did, you wouldn't wander into their stop-and-robs for cigarettes." "Alright," Ixby admitted. "They can be useful, sometimes." A cold pinprick touched Lys's face. She looked up. "Typical, it wasn't supposed to rain." Tiny dots spread across the pavement. "As if my feet needed any more help. How can you stand it?" Lys picked up the pace. Ixby followed along, her clawed feet clacking against the sidewalk. "Because I'm old and tough. You new generation all have thin shells." "Do not. I remember you telling me my egg was as thick as could be, and I broke through it without any help." Her mother smiled, as if reliving the moment. "It was a difficult laying." Lys covered her eyes for a moment, vigorously shaking her head. "Don't talk about it! What if someone were listening?" "And you did. Claws first; maybe your feet were resting on the thin side." The green kobold snorted as a droplet got her square on the nose. "Maybe, or maybe I just hate having cold feet." They walked in silence awhile, light rain whispering over the concrete. Lys toyed with questions she didn't want to ask, but one slipped through. "Where's Dad?" "Rutting stray dogs in an alley somewhere." "What?!" She stopped dead. "Might as well be." "What is going on? Where is he?" Ixby slipped another cigarette from her pack, rummaging through her pockets for her lighter. Her claw flicked it several times, and Lys swore she was keeping it from lighting up on purpose. She could feel her toes going numb, but she refused to budge. Mom glanced up from the lighter for a moment and then struck it again; a flame as orange as her eyes sprang to life. "Your father is out-of-state," she said in between a draw. "Working for them, as a matter of fact." "Doing what?" "I can't remember what they call it. Some little helper program the humans put together for us poor kobolds. Got him doing mechanic work of some kind. Always good with his claws." She squinted as she spoke. "So? Why is that bad?" "Because the only reason he got the job is pity. Someone feels guilty, so they throw us some scraps and pretend they're doing good. I bet you a thousand bucks if your father just walked in with an application, it'd go right in the trash." Lys couldn't take it anymore and started walking again; she ached. "Who cares? He has to be doing well at it." Ixby blew a large plume of smoke. "We don't need handouts. It's disgusting." "Is that where your money is coming from?" Her mother growled. "My money's mine. I wouldn't take a penny from whatever your father is getting." "Why are you so mad at him?" "I'm not...not really. Other than him licking human feet for work. That, and he didn't want to come find you." "If he was working, I understand. But isn't there some way to get in touch?" A pained grin crossed her mother's muzzle. "Your dad's as good with his hands as he is bad with technology. He only answers the phone at work because he has to. He was still struggling with 'slide to unlock' when I left." Lys huffed. "Figures. What about email? Where is he staying?" "Some subsidized hole. I can give you his email and address later, but I wouldn't expect to hear from him anytime soon." "So long as he knows I'm okay." "Oh, he'll be fine--love to hear from you. Right up until you tell him about Jack." Lys groaned, gripping her horns. "Maybe I can leave that out for now." Her mother gave a low, throaty laugh as the rain started to pick up. The passing cars at the intersection lit the rain puddles up in gold before rooster-tailing away. The walk signal flashed, and they crossed. Neither of them spoke the rest of the way.