Squeezing Safari Episode 210: Swamp Hopper
Story by Bionic Beagle on SoFurry
A long time ago I was a member of a certain forum that commissioned a very horrible adult video. It was so awful, in fact, that the government performed an obscenity investigation wherein it summarized the content of the video second-by-second in hilarious detail. Thinking back on that recently, I wondered if I couldn't imitate that format for a fictional depraved video series--which takes place in a world populated by anthropomorphic animals (surprise, surprise) and creatures with...unconventional appetites.
The following is a digitally created summary of the EweTube video “SQUEEZING SAFARI EPISODE 210: Swamp Hopper”, a production of the extremely popular online nature show Squeezing Safari with Barry and Ellie. It was created for the purposes of accessibility and archiving. This text is compatible with most text-to-speech generators and has not been modified for content or length. Explicit content is present in this document. Viewer discretion is advised.
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The Squeezing Safari title card appears, with the accompanying theme music. It fades out to reveal a marshland filled with sharp, green reeds, muddy channels, and a towering pine forest in the distance. The basset hound host, Barry Longjowel, steps into the frame. He's dressed in his iconic tan khaki ensemble, complete with a pith helmet that squashes his floppy ears against the side of his head.
“Hello again, adventurers!” Barry crows, waving and grinning at the camera. “Today we're getting the jump on a rare creature that's found only in the Neverglades. Or, who knows? Maybe it'll get the jump on me? Let's find out!”
A fact sheet slides into the frame, showing data related to the elusive “Swamp Hopper”. Hoppers are froglike in shape, particularly when it comes to their glossy skin and muscular legs. In the torso, however, the similarities end. The creature has four sets of wide-pupiled eyes that allow it to see in multiple directions simultaneously, and a circular, toothless mouth. They submerge their spherical bodies, which are about twice the size of a basketball, leaving only their eyes peeking above the surface. When a male creature arrives to drink at the water’s edge, the swamp hopper leaps out dramatically and attacks. However, as is often the case with Squeezers, some creatures actively seek them out for their pleasurable feeding process.
The card slides away, revealing Barry and his diminutive otter assistant, Ellie Thicktail. Her pudgy body is clad in a khaki outfit that matches her colleague's. The only difference is that Barry is no longer wearing pants. His heavy balls and sheath swing between his thighs as he smirks at the camera.
“Now that we've got the basics down, it's time to see this incredible creature in action!” Barry cries, punching the air. “Whatd’ya say we hop to it?”
“You've got it!” Ellie replies, sprinting over to the hound. She grins lasciviously as she reaches for her cohost’s sheath and begins stroking it up and down with one hand. Her other gently cradles and massages his balls.
“As my lovely assistant prepares me, I've got some good news and bad news…” Barry says, thrusting his hips slightly into her busy fingers. “Bad news: It's actually not peak feeding season for hoppers at the moment. Good news: We've managed to acquire special pheromones that'll grease the wheels a bit. Among other things. And even better news…we've already found one in the hunt,” he mutters conspiratorially while pointing at a barely perceptible object in the water nearby.
Ellie spits on the tip of Barry's canine cock as it emerges, pumping her fist up and down its increasing length. “Wow, you're filling out fast today, pal!” she remarks as she shucks his sheath down over the base of his prick. It bounces and throbs a few inches away from her smiling face.
“What can I say, I'm looking forward to finding out what the hype’s about! There's got to be a reason why animals drown themselves seeking the company of these froggy fornicators,” Barry explains as he watches the otter wiggle her thumb under the tip of his maleness. “I…oof…think it's time we sweetened the pot.”
“Oh, okay,” Ellie complains, pulling her hands away. Reaching into her pocket, she pulls out a small spray bottle with a masking tape label. She quickly spritzes the content on the canine's erection.
“Whew, that tingles a bit!” he gasps, pulling his meat out of the line of fire. “Hope I'm not allergic or something…”
“Shaddup and get over there, you big baby!” Ellie jeers, slapping the dog on his ass.
The camera follows him as he carefully approaches the shoreline near the bulbous object in the mossy water. He squats down gripping the base of his wet organ and waggling it toward the thing. There is no movement.
“Ell’, what do you think? Should I get closer?” Barry calls back over his shoulder.
“If you wanna get stuck in the mu–oh shit!” the otter cries as water explodes upward in a shimmering plume.
The hopper sails through the air like a cannonball, its mouth roaring toward the dog's groin. With a wet squelch, Barry's full length vanishes inside the creature. It headbutts itself into his groin, perhaps hoping that there is more penis to consume.
“Whoaaaa, slow down there little fella!” Barry groans, grasping gently at the hopper's squishy head. “I can't tell if he's trying to eat my sausage or scrambled my eggs!”
“I got ya’!” Ellie exclaims, reaching down to shield her colleague's scrotum from further head bashing. “How's it going in there?”
“Warm, wet, and REALLY squishy,” the dog gasps, squinting a bit as the hopper swallows wetly around his length. “Kinda feels like he's expecting more dick than I've got though.”
“Ugh. Size queens!” the otter scoffs.
“Oh, there it is! I feel the tongue now!” Barry shouts, looking into the camera.
An infographic appears in the corner of the screen showing a diagram of a hopper's tongue. It's long, thin, roughly textured, and terminates in a spoon-shaped tip.
“Hoppers engage with all sorts of males, each one with a distinct shape and size. But they always know where their meal comes from. The ti–OH!” Barry gasps, hunching his hips. “They scoop hard and fast at the tip of their prey’s dong in order to deliver their meal directly into their esophagus. Scientists believe that they do this to avoid asphyxiating on larger volumes of fluid.”
“Ohhh? I bet that tickles!” Ellie giggles, weighing her cohost's balls gently in her hand.
“It sure…ah…does!” Barry pants. “Kinda like that vibrobird we ran into last year! It's licking so fast that it's all blurring together! I can't tell when one lap starts and the next one begins!”
“The poor thing is famished!” Ellie coos. “Gonna feed it?”
“Yeah…just…fuck it, it's actually being a little rough with me. Starting to get sore. I need the thing! Do the boob thing, Ellie!” the dog pleads.
“Oh, fine!” the otter sighs, rising to her feet, walking in front of Barry, and tearing off her shirt. Her hands stroke their way up her belly to her perky, small breasts.
“Fuck yes,” Barry groans, falling forward onto his hands and knees as the hopper bounces and wobbles between his thighs. His muzzle surges toward one breast, lapping and sucking at the otter’s pink nipple.
“That doing it for you?” Ellie asks, rolling her eyes into the camera.
“Yes…God yes…” Barry growls before resuming his ministrations.
“Wasn't talking to you, big guy,” she chuckles, tipping a wink at the unseen audience.
“Oh…oh shit,” Barry pants into the fur of Ellie's sternum. “It's coming. Get ready!”
Barry’s back arches and his eyes roll back into his head. His hips vibrate and convulse. Below him, the hopper goes into overdrive. Peristaltic motion ripples through its pliable flesh as it swallows and licks the male’s overwhelmed sex.
“Since our brave leader’s brain is currently fully in penis-mode, I'll take over,” Ellie speaks into the camera, dabbing at the saliva on her chest fur with her shed shirt. “Upon sensing an ejaculation, a feeding frenzy begins. Hoppers sometimes only get to feed once a year before hibernation, so they've gotta make it count. Is it making it count?”
“Aggghhh!” Barry gargles, pounding his fist into the muddy soil.
“Seems like it!” Ellie chirps. “While the feeding process is fast and furious, hoppers don't milk their prey to exhaustion. Typically after one ejaculation, they drop off and retreat to the swamp to digest their meal in a sedentary state without burning any more precious calories.”
“Oh…man…okay, it's slowing down,” Barry whines, glancing down between his legs.
The creature is indeed slowing, as if sluggish from eating a banquet in one sitting. Its swallowing motions are now like gentle strokes against the embedded penis, and the tongue only occasionally visits the tip to slap away any residual fluids.
“Can you pull out, big guy?” Ellie asks.
“Hold on…I think…”
The camera zooms in on the point where the dog and hopper are united. With some effort, the knot pops free from the creature's pursed lips. Then the rest of his red, raw length is unsheathed–covered in a sheen of mucus. With a mighty flex of its rear legs, the hopper flings itself toward the water. Its bulbous body crashes into the mossy surface and vanishes, leaving only a subtle trail of bubbles as it swims back to its den. Barry flops back onto his rear, his fading erection bouncing against his thigh.
“How is it?” Barry asks, grabbing his penis and turning it over in his hand. “I feel like I pressed the very tip of it against a sander.”
“Oh, you big baby!” Ellie sneers, bounding over and grabbing him by the shaft. “It's just a little red! Here, I'll make it all better!”
She plants a quick kiss on the tip of the canine's penis before recoiling in disgust. The otter doubles over, retching and coughing.
“Ah, I should've mentioned…hopper mucus is a great lube, but it tastes and smells like rotten eggs,” Barry explains to the camera, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “I’d better get my lovely assistant some water and myself a much-needed shower…and chafing cream…Squeeze you later, adventurers!”
The end title card and credits appear, followed by a list of Pawtreon members. End video.