Bad Poker Face
In a world of complete normality, a scientific experiment goes horribly wrong. Thousands upon thousands of ghosts are released into the world to haunt the living, yet many can only speculate that they have them. A few were born with the ability to see and communicate with them, and many have found their services invaluable. These noble people have been called heroes in the world of the Ghost Hunters. The greatest of all is a canine know as Enigma, who has single-handedly exorcised over a hundred homes. This is not his story. This is the story of two of the most mismatched Ghost Hunters in the history of the world. They are both 25 year old felines, yet you couldn't tell. The girl, Yuna, was only about four feet tall and had silver hair that was always kept in pigtails on top of her white fur. The man, Virgil, was about six feet, and relatively normal, but he had split personalities, half of which were violent enough to terrify a serial killer and the others diabolical enough to make a genius crap his pants. Their techniques are why they are famous, but no one really knows that much about them.
"Oy, Yuna. We got another job. You done yet?"
"Yeah, yeah, keep your panties on, I'll be there in a second."
Virgil was irate, "If ya didn't have to style your hair every morning, we'd get a lot more done. Besides, who do you think cares about your hair? Look at you, I've seen middle schoolers taller than you."
"What did you say?!" Yuna had walked out of the bathroom, all ready to go, "I could kick your ass any day of the weak, pansy."
Virgil laughed, "Yeah, if you could reach it. Now, come on, I got this all shuffled and everything. Remember the rules, one hand wins." He dealt out the cards on a table, five for each as Yuna sat down. They both picked up their cards and looked briefly, "I'll take two."
Yuna was less sure, "Uh... three for me." Virgil dealt out the cards, "Dammit!"
He had tossed down a full house, while Yuna only had a pair, "You know which one I want you to wear, so hop to it. Also, I get the knife today." Yuna kicked the table as she stomped back to her room. Virgil had locked his hands behind his head and leaned back on the chair as he waited for Yuna to change. About five minutes later, she came out of the room, "This is fantastic..."
"Whatever, asshole. I like the bat better anyway. Well, stop staring and get the damn keys, we ain't got all day!" Yuna was pissed.
A thirty minute drive later and they arrived in a suburban neighborhood. Virgil pulled up to a blue house with a nervous and skinny looking otter. The two stepped out of the beat up car and walked up to the man, "Are... are you two the ghost hunters? You don't look very professional."
Yuna had raised the bat, but Virgil had stepped in front of her, "It is not our philosophy to overdress. We prefer to wear what is most comfortable for us so that we may more completely fulfill our duties. Do you have any objections?" he waited for the man, and he shook his head, "Good, now get out of our way, we got a job to do."
Yuna walked rapidly into the house and the man asked Virgil, "Uh, why is she dressed in a school girl uniform?"
"She has a terrible poker face." he laughed as he walked inside. He saw Yuna sitting on the staircase in her short skirt and blouse, "Upstairs, I would assume. So let's hurry this up. I need a nap."
They went upstairs and into the bedroom. They saw a shapeless ghost hovering in the corner, "Alright," Yuna siad, "you're gonna have to leave-"
"Hey! You did the last one, it's my turn!"
"No way, shit face, you did the last one, and you flirted with the client! This is my hunt!"
Virgil was pissed, "Like hell it is! You couldn't hunt to save your life!"
Yuna was just as angry, "I'm ten times the hunter you are! Just step to the side! Aaaghh!"
In a matter of seconds, they were locked in what could only be described as a screaming match. And that's all they did, try to scream louder than the other. The ghost was shaking, unsure of what to do. He tried to calm the situation down, "Uh, hey. Let's just calm down and talk things out-"
Yuna pointed the bat at him, "What's that?! You want a piece of me?!"
Virgil was waving the knife around violently, "Get in the middle of this and I swear I will remove parts of your body one by one and piss on the goo left behind!"
The ghost quickly said, "Alright. I'm just... I'm just going to leave now." Yuna and Virgil continued their screaming match as the ghost went outside.
The owner caught a glimpse of him, but was too afraid of the yelling to show fear, "Uh... are you leaving?" The ghost nodded the top part of it's body, "Okay, well, can you tell them that?"
The ghost replied, "I wouldn't go in there if you paid me." then vanished into the ether. The owner just stared at the second floor as the yelling escalated.
Eventually, Yuna and Virgil fell down on the bed, gasping for air. "Hey... I... think... we... did... it."
Yuna agreed with a grunt. Then, a weird sensation washed over her, "Hey... are... you.. as horny as I am right now?" Virgil lifted his head and looked down at his crotch, then grunted, "Alright, hurry up and pull your pants off, I forgot to wear panties, so I'm all set."
"Got it." Virgil had pulled off his belt and then his pants. Yuna lazily rolled on top of him, but they were still too out of breath from all the screaming. "Hey, you think you can guide it in? I can't reach."
"What?! It's your dick."
Virgil gave a weak laugh, "Yeah but... you're closer. Come on, you know you want to. Besides, I started last time."
Yuna didn't waste any time and shoved his dick into her, but at first didn't do much other than some slight rocking. Virgil knew better than to complain, since her small size meant she had the vagina of a thirteen year old. Every time they had sex, it was just as painful as it was pleasurable to her. He didn't like to bring it up, so he usually kept his mouth shut. However, he had a bad feeling about this client, as he probably wanted to check in on them, "Listen, I know it hurts, but-"
"Yeah, I saw him too. Alright, let's..." she let her full body weight down, forcing Virgil's cock deep into her pussy. She put a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming and Virgil put his hands on her waist to keep her up. "Uh... I got it, let's just hurry this up. We'll do more when we get back home." She started to ride as quick as she could, which made it hard for Virgil to concentrate. Yuna was so tight that he often had trouble keeping himself from cumming inside of her. He saw her smile at him and gently brushed a finger along his cheek, trying to hide her pain. Virgil reached up and pinned it to his face with a soft touch as Yuna's face started to contort.
He threw Yuna down on the bed on all fours and started fucking her from behind. Yuna gripped the pillows tightly as Virgil smiled, "Yeah... you like it don't you? I saw how you looked at me, so try to loosen up, I promise this'll be quick." He thrusted quickly, making sure that he could hear a little burst of air forced out of her lungs each time. Just for fun, he grabbed her arms and pulled her up just enough so that he could lick the back of her ear. He could hear her moan as he continued to pound her, and decided that they didn't have much time left.
Before he could act, Yuna twisted around and hopped up on Virgil. While she was hopping up and down on him, he rolled his eyes back into his head. Yuna kissed him passionately as he felt her get really wet. Her face was red and her eyes could only open halfway. Virgil stared deep into her eyes, then pulled out just in time. He came all over the man's bed and on part of Yuna's leg. They both collapsed next to each other, but missed the bed.
Apparently, the hard floor was enough to snap them out of their little world, "Oh crap! Come on, we gotta get up! Virgil! Don't make me step on your balls again!"
He sighed, "Fine. But don't even joke about that, they're really sensitive right now, seriously. Everything that was giving them shape is on the bed. Oh shit. It's on the bed."
They both sprung to their feet and stared at the mess. Yuan laughed, "Ha! Now you gotta clean it up. Come on, you can use your fur to soak up the mess, spaz!" Virgil had just finished putting on his belt, "Why aren't you freaking out?"
"Like hell I am. Trust me, I got this."
Yuna was uncertain, but followed him out of the house anyway. The otter looked scared, "You... uh... the ghost left a little while ago... what happened up there?" Their clothes and hair were both messed up, and they looked like a bomb had exploded, "Are you two okay? Is it done?"
Virgil looked at Yuna and shoved her lightly. She shoved back, "Yeah, we're done. We just had to make sure the ghost wouldn't come back."
"That thing left behind some ectoplasm on the blankets, so you might want to replace them. Other than that, we made sure that you won't be haunted for a long while. That'll... that'll be $200. Cash or check."
"Uh..." the man reached into his wallet and pulled out two hundred dollars, "Listen, can you keep this quiet? I really don't want anyone to know my house was haunted by a ghost, if you catch my drift. Look, here's an extra hundred, so are we clear?" The otter had something he wanted to hide. Virgil had no qualms about excepting the extra money, since they were charging less than half of what their competitors charged.
"I didn't see a thing. We were just over for a cup of tea." the otter smiled, "Now, can you point us to our car? I'm really dizzy." The otter pointed to a beat up looking vehicle.
Yuna, whose skirt was ruffled and hair was coming undone, said, "Thanks. You ever need any more company for... tea... you know who to call." They waved and got into the car, "Ugh... I think I need a wheelchair."
"You need a wheelchair? I need some kind of lotion, 'cause you moved way to fast. I think I lost a couple layers of skin or something. We should have brought some lube or something. Hey, how about that ectoplasm thing? Sweet, right?"
Yuna looked over at him as he drove, "See what happens when we leave the TV on during a Ghostbusters marathon? Uhh..." Virgil looked at her, his eyes asking her what was wrong, "I just get so bored with these easy jobs. We need a challenge, something that will really test our abilities, you know? Oh! Pull into the mall, I need a new pair of shoes!"
"Looking like that?"
Yuna pulled down the mirror and fixed her hair, "Like I give a fuck, they have a sale that ends today. Come one, hurry up!"