FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Well, sorry about the long silence, life's been... interesting of late. Exhaustion isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.

On the plus side of things, I finally got this beast of a story complete. Might honestly be my longest one to date, for better or for worse. I have a number of other stories in some degree of progress, so ideally things will get flowing faster (not a guarantee)

So that's about it for now, glad to be posting another one, thanks as always for taking a look, and I hope you all enjoy!

I think I'm gonna go try to get some sleep. Then go back to writing when I can't sleep. Woo!

Proofread by SkyWing

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Wow! Back again, huh? I must be doing something right! Maybe you did like my jokes! Did you? Feel like hearing a few more?

...

Too bad! You're gonna get 'em!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because an observer wanted to find a vector perpendicular to them!

...

Hm. Okay, maybe that one was a little too "high-level mathematics..." How about this?

What do you call a UI designer who has a grower, not a shower? A front-end developer!

...

See, a grower, not a shower is a term for someone whose penis is small when flaccid, but big when... you know, I don't think that one translates well to text. Shower, not shower... Like one who shows, not the cold water thing for when you're horny...

...

Ah well, just one more. I promise. Brace yourselves, because it's a longer one. Ready? Okay, here goes...

So there's this witch, right? You know the sort, lanky feline, green fur, black robe and pointy hat. Well, this witch, one day she bought herself a brand new broom. Beautiful thing, solid walnut, golden straw, just a really nice piece of work. Since it felt like some celebrating was in order, that night she decided to go out to her favorite bar to do a little bit of a whole lot of drinking.

So she takes a seat at the bar next to another patron. This guy, let's say he's a bulldog, is initially startled by the stereotypical witch casually sitting next to him, but hey, he's already had a few so he lets it go. The witch orders her first drink, pounds it back, orders another, and thusly begins a full night of knocking back an impossible amount of alcohol while the bulldog silently watches on.

All too soon, morning arrives and the witch is way beyond sloshed. Ready to head back to her hut, which is possibly atop a chicken leg, she signals the bartender to bring her the bill. While waiting, she pulls out a wand, waves it at her head, and sloppily slurs out an incantation. There's an invisible pulse of energy, and suddenly the drunken witch is perfectly sober. Her neighbor, watching all this transpire with rapt fascination, remains silent from a mix of fear, amazement, and curiosity.

Once the bill arrives, the witch thanks the bartender and quietly waits for him to walk away. With a sly grin, she waves her wand at the bill while whispering another different incantation. There was another wave of energy, and as the bulldog looks on, the total changes from $959.43 to $0.43. She places a few dollar bills on the counter (Hey now, of course she tips! She's not a monster!) and stands to leave, but her neighbor politely stops her.

"I gotta ask, I've been watching ya all night," he asks, curiosity finally motivating him to speak. "You're... You're incredible! But why'd you leave the change on that bill if you can nuke the rest?"

"Oh," she replied, "This is a binary wand. It can't hexadecimal!!!"

HA!

HA HA HA!!!

Get it? Hex-a-decimal? Hex. A. Decimal?

...

Oh, screw you, that's funny. I'm not going to apologize for that one. My wit is wasted on you all! I QUIT!!!

...

Heh. I'm just kidding. That was a joke too! We're all here to have fun, right?

Alright, enough figurative dicking around, time for more actual entry, wherein there may be literal dicking around! Now where did I leave off...

Last time I checked in was right after the whole "He's my creator!" episode, right? Passing out, giving you all a little glimpse into my brain, yadda yadda. That was last evening. I am now sitting in a self-driving taxi next to Filbert, my one and only except sometimes with others. As for where we're headed, that should be obvious. We're on our way on a two-hour road trip to the secure facility where [email protected]@nd@, AKA the world's most wanted hacker, AKA Frederick Theodore Warren, AKA MY CREATOR!!! is being held prisoner.

I'll save you the details of how we got from then to now, but I'll answer the two most likely questions:

1. I know where he's being held because, duh. Secure communication channels are in no way secure from me. Or more specifically, Deemon. Deemon is eeeeeeeeverywhere!

2. I convinced Filbert to go along with breaking him out partially because of the whole, 'He's the only one who can fix my brain' issue, though it was a whole night's worth of begging on my hands and knees that truly sealed the deal.

And before you ask for me to go back and elaborate, it wasn't the sexy kind of begging. More the teary-eyed, running nose, sniveling, groveling, too pathetic to make eye contact kind. I mean, I'm sure someone gets off on that, so no judgment. Not me.

Either way, for the cost of my dignity and a stuffy nose, I convinced Filbert into going along with the plan Deemon formulated. We break that raccoon out, take him to a motel, have him fix my brain with Filbert's old tablet, then we find a way turn him back in. Probably. Filbert made it clear that I could, under no circumstances, bring him home with us after it was over, but we'll see. I bet I can find sooooome way to convince him! Deemon found a few interesting emails I might be able to use as leverage, just in case. There are just so many questions I'd like to ask my creator... My creator! Heheheheeeeh... Just saying that has me giddy! I get to meet my creator!

Still, while I'm utterly delighted, Filbert is a complete bundle of nerves. Not that I can blame him. Anything could go wrong, and, if life is in any way like the movies, it will. I'll be dropping the jittery roo off at a motel after we arrive to make sure that whatever happens at the facility, he'll be left out of it. Worst case scenario, if I get caught, I just evacuate this body and make a new one. No skin off my back. Other than all the skin, fur, muscles, dick, balls... you get the point.

If Filbert weren't only into males I'd be curious to try on a female body. Get into a nice slinky, curvy, buxom thing... Get into a dress to match it... Mmm, that DOES sound like fun! Doesn't it?...

Nah, never mind, I'm good for now. I have more or less an eternity to experiment, and I'm not remotely close to getting bored with being a dude. Dicks are fun as hell! Ever try helicoptering it? Now that's a great way to spend an afternoon! Besides, no reason I can't wear a dress now... or... get Filbert to wear one... He did say he was open to costumes... Mmm...

Dammit all, now I went and made myself horny. Looking over at Filbert, I hoped that maybe the little roo would be interested in a little fun to pass the time. Something to calm our nerves. Unfortunately, he's been quiet for the past hour, just reading an old sci-fi book named "The Artificial Fire, Prometheus Burned" while lying across the backseat, his feet resting in my lap. I read that awhile back. Not bad. Funny how those old authors were so good at predicting future technologies. Even funnier that he's reading a story about an artificial intellect while sitting next to one. The one in the book goes crazy and kills everyone, so ideally the similarities don't go that far! HA! HAHAHA!

Ahem.

I should really check out one of the movie versions sometime. I hear one of them was good.

Moving on, at first I had spent our ride together watching nature go by, fascinated by the lush, green landscape. Up until it made me bored. As someone who's well versed in fractal math, once you see one tree, you've seen em' all. Oh boy, another sumac! Done. And now I'm left picturing my boyfriend in a dress while my pants are getting tighter. Before I could get out my earpiece to connect to wi-fi and distract myself, maybe by queuing up one of those aforementioned movies, Filbert shifted his legs, unknowingly rubbing a heel against my already stiff crotch.

Yeah, sexy times are gonna happen. It would definitely be a great idea to blow off some steam before my grand adventure. The first thing Filbert said after telling me I can't keep the raccoon was that I was not to try anything humpity in the car, but what could it hurt? I bet I can get him to go along with it if I use a little finesse. Scooting back in my seat, I undid the straps of his sandals, deftly pulling them off and tossing them on the floor.

Lowering his book, he eyed me warily. "What're you-" he began to ask, silenced by a deep sigh when I grabbed both of his long, clawed footpaws and kneaded my thumbs deep into the arches. "...Oh ... Dee, that feels..." he said, trailing off as I worked my way up to his pads, his words giving way to moans.

See, I remember from my last entry that those big, beautiful paws of his are erogenous zones, which is incredibly fun to say. Erogenous. Erogenous. EROGENOUS! Fun to say, and means AWESOME stuff too! So, yeah, since I'm such an eroGENIUS, perhaps if I give him a really good foot massage, maybe I can get him to go along with...

Ooh, I can see his free hand creeping down to his pants. That cock cage he's wearing must be getting pretty tight! Better rub at it, maybe that'll help! Come on, just a little closer, get it under the waistband and... And he stopped. He stopped himself. He's still making cute little moans while I rub his feet, but his hand's back on his chest.

That's a bit of a disappointment... who could've predicted someone willing to wear one of those cages would have restraint? No matter, I can escalate things myself. The instant he closed his eyes, slouching back against the door, I let go of one footpaw. Discretely, though quickly, I unzipped the fly of my pants, letting my fat, swollen cock spring free. Boy did it feel good to let it out. Mostly since the tip grinding against a metal zipper was just a tad unpleasant.

Whose idea was that, anyway? Metal dick zippers? I know you're supposed to wear underwear as a buffer, but that's not really my thing. Can't keep a mask on my bits, haha... You know, like a bitmask? Forget it. Cock's out, bigger fish to fry.

Now that the beast has been freed, it's time to get things rolling. Gently wrapping one hand around both his ankles, I positioned Filbert's footpaws around said beast, then wrapped my other hand around his toes. Please believe me when I say it felt wonderful, having them both clamped down around my length, just where his furred soles gave way to those rough but wonderful pads. Just as I was ready to begin moving them up and down, giving myself a footjob, the jig was up.

"DEE! Come on! I said no!" he said, slapping me in the shoulder with his book, almost growling with frustration. "Dammit! This is gonna cost a fortune!"

"What do you mean, I'm doing it for free!" I replied, smiling as I held my cock sandwiched between those beautiful paws, holding them fast despite his attempts to pull himself free.

"Not you!" Filbert pointed to a small camera on the roof. "Them! The first thing they did when they invented driverless cars was put in cameras to stop THIS!" By the time he was finished speaking, he was just about spitting his words. "They fine you for this stuff. A. LOT. Now let go!"

"That was the problem? You're aware Deemon can control what the camera sees, right? That's the whole plan with the breakout, remember? Looping footage? Hiding what we don't anyone to see?"

"Oh." Filbert's clear annoyance faded to uncertainty, then to casual acceptance. Personally, I never stopped grinning. "Okay then... that does feel pretty good. Go ahead... Just make absolutely sure you don't forget to hide it..."

"You really think I'd forget..." I stopped talking as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Yeah, ok, don't worry, it's handled."

With a tentative nod, his hand went straight down the front of his pants, stroking his cage, sighing as I finally got to give myself that eagerly awaited footjob.

And the wait was worth it, absolutely. In a way, it was even better than the last time. Or maybe there was just so much other stuff going on that it didn't leave as much of an impact? Either way, as I moved those two long gunboats up and down my shaft, loving the feel of the soft fur and rough pads, I was in heaven.

The cute little chirps Filbert made as he played with himself were no less delightful, moaning occasionally as I picked up speed, working my way to orgasm with that welcome pressure stroking along my length. His toes were curling, weaving themselves together like that way supervillains sometimes tent their fingers. Not sure if there's a name for that.

Before long, I was making squeaks and moans of my own, lifting my rear off the chair, giving short thrusts upward, about ready to blow. I heard an unexpected "OH SHIT!" and Filbert shot forward, feet still in my lap, hand still in his pants, bending himself in half to take the tip of my cock into his mouth. Seconds later I was thrusting my hips slower, yet harder, biting my lip to keep from screaming as I fired a thick, heavy load of cum straight down his throat. Once the flow of squirrel cream was over, I flopped back onto the seat, enjoying my afterglow as Filbert gulped everything down, not spilling a drop.

I must admit, I don't know if I'm more impressed by that, or how much he was able to bend just now. Just look at 'im!... Oh. Right, you can't. I'll just say that he could've been an acrobat. And this is giving me some more ideas for the bedroom later on. I've heard having a flexible partner can lead to plenty of kinky fun on its own. Do ropes say how many times you can use them before they wear out? Because I think I'm gonna be finding out!

Releasing my tip with a slurp, Filbert leaned back, took one final gulp, gasped for air, then looked at me, panting softly. "Can't believe I almost forgot about that part." He chuckled, wiping a bit of spittle onto his shoulder. "Deemon can't really hide cum stains on the ceiling, can he?"

Whoops. Yeah, that's a good catch. Score another one for Filbert!

"Sorry," I said, sheepishly grinning. "That was amazing though! Both the footjob and that flexibility of yours! One of the hottest things I've ever seen!" I nudged him with my elbow. "Really looking forward to seeing more of THAT!"

Blushing heavily, Filbert hid opened his book and hid behind it, though it failed to hide his small smile. He didn't say anything else, only grabbing a stick of gum to chew. It's nice to help him feel better about himself. Easy too, since I genuinely mean it. Is it weird that it seems like the majority of people who don't deserve to be confident, are, while the majority of people who do deserve it, aren't? That does seem odd, right? Another thing to research, I suppose.

In any case, we're getting closer to our destination. Better focus on the plan. Get serious, focus...

EEEEEE! I can't focus! This is gonna be so much fun! I can't wait! This is everything I was crafted to do! But in real life! Like a spy movie! But in real life! And I get to meet my creator! In real life! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

With a smile of my own, I stuffed my dick back into my pants, hugged onto Filbert's footpaws, and eagerly watched the countryside pass by.

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Remember way back when I made my body and escaped from that company's R&D lab? I'm sure you do. It was only a couple days ago, right? Yeah, that sounds right. While I casually strolled out of that secure laboratory, I mentioned something about the death of physical security being the single greatest thing to ever happen to me. Well, that goes double now! Maybe triple! Or even quadruple!

I don't know how hyperboles get ranked. Or if those are indeed hyperboles, really. Not important. As I say this, I am casually strolling through one of the lower levels of a top secret secure government facility, totally unabated. Seriously! Not a single abatement to be seen!

After dropping Filbert off at an innocuous motel, I had the car take me to what, by all outward appearances, was nothing but a grain silo at an abandoned farm. A silo with a bitchin', top-of-the-line security system. A security system that was utterly useless when going up against the likes of Deemon! I'll save you the technical details; suffice it to say, all those fancy cameras were fed a loop of precious footage while every alarm taken safely offline. Even the large, metal door for the facility's escape tunnel, which was totally hidden behind sacks of grain, not meant to be accessible from this end, released its electronic locks and opened up just fine.

That's what I mean by physical security. Honestly, a single padlock ANYWHERE in this situation would have kept me out! But you know what? I'm not gonna complain, I'll just take the win! Thanks!

With the hidden door now far less hidden, I headed down the newly revealed staircase, barely able to keep myself from excitedly giggling. The stairs eventually ended at the dank, poorly lit, most importantly disused escape tunnel, which after a long walk led to the access the elevator that'd take me to the actual facility. Deemon was nice enough to have it there waiting for me, doors open, ready to move. Aw, such a sweetheart! I hopped aboard, and without needing to touch a thing, the elevator hummed to life, taking me further underground.

And now you should be all caught up!

Since I'm now in a populated area and not a dreary escape tunnel, I'm sure you're thinking something along the lines of , 'Hey, aren't there going to be guards? What are you going to do if one of them sees you?' Well, Skippy, I'm not going to do a damned thing! I don't care if I sound like a broken record here, people these days just put way too much blind faith in technology. Technology that Deemon has full control over. Seriously, if you're connected to the grid, we own you. No questions. We can be anywhere. Sleep well!

The reason I bring that up again is because every guard stationed in the lower levels of this place is wearing a heavy duty, full-body armored suit and helmet. Totally top-of-the-line stuff! It's pretty weird that they're using it to guard a single scrawny little hacker, isn't it? Whatever the reason, having guards in those suits proved to be their downfall. The instant I stepped off the elevator, Deemon had every single one of them totally bricked, top to bottom.

I'm talking phone-in-the-toilet level bricked! I'm talking lending-your-grandma-your-laptop-to-browse-the-internet level bricked! I'm talking kernel panic! I'm talking a whole bunch of guards encased in giant metal people-shaped paperweights! All that advanced tech and all they can do is scream for help through the exposed mouth pieces, deaf and blind, dead to the world.

Don't worry, they'll be fine! Eventually. As I mentioned, I needed to make sure I'd have time to get in, grab my creator, and get back out with no possible abatements. I figure they have about twenty minutes before someone on another floor notices something amiss, or there's a shift change, or something else, and comes downstairs to find the helpless guards shrieking. Until then, I'm hidden from all recordings and alarms, and am free to go about my business without anyone ever knowing I was ever here. With any luck, they'll think that wily raccoon escaped his cell on his own, haha!

Feeling especially excited, I went nose to nose with one of those guards, gleefully cackling to no one but myself. Next time just wear a normal jumpsuit, buddy! You might actually be able to guard something! HAHAHAHA!

Say, do you think it's a bad sign if I'm laughing like a supervillain more than once in a day? Can't help but wonder if that's something to keep an eye on. Whoops, no time introspection, I just arrived outside the room marked 451. If my intel is correct - and I know it is - this will be where they're keeping Frederick.

Okay, Dee, first impressions mean everything. Be cool, be suave, be impressive, be confident... And also be quick because time's a'wasting! Clasping my hands together, I waited for Deemon to open the door. I leapt inside the instant it was clear, semi-gracefully landing inside.

The room was almost entirely empty, likely not intended to be used as a cell. No furniture, comforts, or anything, really. Aside from fluorescent lights and a mystery bucket in the corner (Yes, I know it's not actually a mystery, I just really, REALLY don't want to spell it out). Oh! And there was also an exceptionally disheveled raccoon sleeping in the back, huddled awkwardly against the wall.

The raccoon in question was without question the same scrawny, black and gray fellow that triggered my system failure. Now that I'm getting my first close look at him, I'd say he's probably in his late 20's, early 30's. More than a few years older than Filbert, yet a tad shorter and skinnier. Not the 'watches his diet' sort of skinny like my roo, more like a 'somehow skinny despite a diet of artificial light and artificial cheese' skinny. He had heavy black bags under his eyes... Or they were part of the mask his fur naturally formed. Tough to say. Despite it all, I couldn't help but think the little raccoon looked pretty cute. A purely innocent observation, I assure you. Heh. Heh. Heh.

As my semi-graceful entrance happened to startle him awake, he sat up, groggily rubbing his eyes. His simple orange shirt and pants hung loosely off his body, his shiny black feet not covered at all. And now he's staring at me.

"Who the fuck are you?" he asked, squinting suspiciously. Or maybe it was because of the light. Yeah, probably just the light. Whatever. I only get one chance to make a first impression to my creator. Time to say something heroic, profound, and inspirational!

"...hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..." I said, wiggling my fingers in some sort of attempt at a wave.

Nailed it.

"...What?" the raccoon asked, continuing to squint my way, though his expression rapidly shifted to a mystified sneer.

Okay, that was a fail. Gonna give it a quick retry. Second impressions are important too.

"Hello! My name's Dee! I'm here to break you out!"

To say the raccoon looked confused would be like saying my tail was bushy. It's awesomely AMAZINGLY bushy! So yeah, he looked awesomely amazingly confused. That works.

"Look," he said, stopping briefly to yawn as he stretched his arms, "it's not that I don't appreciate these little attempts at interrogation every hour or so, but could you kindly fuck off? I've got nothing to say to you assholes." He then flipped me the bird, which as much as I'd love to know why the middle finger is called 'the bird' when 'the binary four' would be way cooler, that's not important right now.

"I don't think you understood me! I'm here to help you escape! Which we should probably be doing. Like, well, now."

"Mmhmm. Right." He clasped his hands to his chest and his voice went up a few octaves. "A mystery savior breaks me out of one of the most secure places in the world! And then as thanks I take you to my secret lair and share all my secrets! Then you reveal yourself as a fed all along!" The raccoon rolled his eyes, giving a dismissive wave, dropping his voice back to normal. "Or you just put a tracker in my food and you want to see where I go. Cliché, nice try, go to hell."

"If you have a secret lair, I definitely want to see that because it sounds AMAZING! But that's not why I'm here. I need to take YOU somewhere so you can fix my brain!"

"...The fuck does that mean?"

"Short version, I'm a virus you created and I made a body with a 3D printer and I found out there's a security function in my brain that makes me go kinda psycho when I get threatened and I want you to take it out. Or tell me how to do it. Either way is fine by me! But we should get moving!"

Frederick went silent, his whiskers twitching as he processed what I said. An uncomfortable amount of time passed before he mercifully broke the silence. "That was certainly... something..." He looked at the floor and sighed, then looked back up at me. "You know what? I don't know what angle you're playing here, but fuck it. My life's ruined, not like I have anything better to do. You wanna go? Let's go."

"Good enough! I'm just... hm..." I tapped my earpiece, wondering why Deemon had suddenly gone silent, fearing the worst. All at once it dawned on me why they were keeping Frederick in here. His cell was a Faraday cage! Neat! They must keep all the dangerous technology stuff here so no one can access in here anything remotely! Or vice versa, apparently.

For those of you who don't know, a Faraday cage is essentially something - from a bag to a whole room - that blocks electricity and wireless signals and stuff. I think that's the best way to put it. I'm not 100% certain without being able to actually look it up. Hindsight being 20/20, I kinda wish I realized this before stepping inside one. I hate to think what'd happen if it had an effect on my brain... Eh, if Deemon thought there could be a problem he'd warn me, right? Right?

"Having second thoughts?" Frederick said, warily eyeing me as he approached.

"No, it's nothing. Just really glad the door didn't close! Come on!" I took off at a full sprint, making a beeline for the elevator, though I soon realized I needed to double back. As it would appear, Frederick's not really in running shape. Not terribly surprising. I threw him over my shoulder, happy to carry him out in spite of his protesting. Taking off down the hallway, I couldn't help noting how he went silent as we passed by several of those panicked, shouting guards.

Getting back to the elevator for our great escape, the doors opening at my approach, Frederick finally spoke up again. "I gotta say, if nothing else, you're putting on an interesting show."

"Thanks!" I said, laughing to myself. He was putting on an interesting show too. I dunno, maybe scrawnier guys are kinda my thing, because I'm loving the sight of that butt just a few inches from my face, the bottlebrush of a tail anxiously weaving to and fro. Once my brain is fixed, I really hope he'll be into a little... well, you know...

The elevator took off, and before long we were back at the car. I shoved my new friend in the trunk, hopped in the back, and we were on our way to meet up with Filbert.

...

What? Of course I'm putting him in the trunk! No, he wasn't happy about it, shouting something about cruelty and unusual punishment, but he's got snacks and water in there, he'll be fine. Whether or not Deemon can hide him from cameras is irrelevant if any doofus on the road can see him and call it in. Remember, he's a little famous at the moment! Catching someone that hacked not only the government itself, but a number of film studios, banks, and businesses, that's the kind of thing people find interesting.

Speaking of which, they've finally discovered he's gone, and the response is... not what Deemon predicted. Hoo, boy. They are NOT happy. That is... a lot of... Um. Hm. Right, change of plans!

As soon as we arrived at the motel, without saying a word, I ran to our room, threw Filbert over my shoulder, tossed him into the backseat, and we were on our way back to his apartment.

Same as how Frederick's reacted to getting tossed in the trunk, Filbert a wee bit displeased about bringing the raccoon home with us. I hate to think that he might think I was lying to him at the beginning, agreeing not to bring him home, because I wasn't! It's like that old saying, 'No plan survives breaking a raccoon out of of prison.' Well, it wasn't a prison. Doesn't matter, not a real saying anyway. When I explained to him that pretty much the entire local police force on top of EVERY. SINGLE. AGENT. (Not currently trapped in armor) was being mobilized to actively hunt for the escapee, he was still displeased, but also agreed that for the time being, distance was a plus. At least the fleet of drones weren't a concern. More cameras for Deemon to hide us from. Whee.

With that settled, I shouted through the seat to let Frederick know he'd have to sit tight for a couple extra hours. Going by the gentle snoring, it shouldn't be a problem. I smiled over at Filbert, who was clearly seething at the prospect of harboring a known fugitive. Kinda feels like I should give him some space. Should make the next few hours back in the car fun. Whee.

______________________

Hey, since things have been pretty light on the sexy thus far - and given the way Filbert's freezing me out right now, I doubt that'll be changing anytime soon - I thought maybe I could give you all a little treat to help you get through this long slog! You all remember Ben, right? Skunk? Super flamboyant? Where's a cage like Filbert's? Owns and runs a sex shop? Ate my cum out of Filbert's tailhole while... You get the picture. Well, I just happened to check his security camera, and it appears he's about to get into some shenanigans. Want to check in and see if he's up to anything fun? Good, because it's not like you really have an option!

And now, a brief interlewd! (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

To set the stage, Ben was helping a customer pick out a toy from a row of fleshlights, which appear to be... fire hydrants with weird mouths at one end. Huh. The customer in question was an extremely well-built palomino horse. Hulking, muscular, seemingly a bit embarrassed to be out shopping for sex toys. Being the terrific salesman I knew him to be, Ben put his customer at ease, playfully flirting as he described the different models, helping him pick out one that would suit his needs. Blushing visibly, visible even to the grainy black-and-white security camera image I'm seeing, the horse awkwardly explained that he's unusually big, and doesn't know if any of them would fit. Ben's eyebrow nearly embedded itself in the ceiling. He leaned in close, whispering something that made the horse gasp. Looking around to check if anyone else was there, the horse nodded in agreement with whatever had been suggested, and they both headed to the break room in back, the skunk dragging the largest fleshlight behind him.

One sec, switching cameras... Ooh! Full color webcam! Much better! No audio though. Drat. I hate muted porn. Ah well, win some, lose some. Once they got to the back room, they used that little handheld scanning device to make sure they were both clean, promptly disrobing when it beeped its approval. The curvaceous skunk dropped his tank top, tattered jeans, and thong, soon wearing nothing but his cage. How long has he been wearing it at this point? He's gotta be ready to burst! The horse had finished removing his tee-shirt and cargo shorts, and was now totally nude. Despite the horse's claim, his sheath looked pretty normal. His balls were absolutely enormous though, noticeably bigger than my own impressive danglers.

Ben said something to his customer, who answered with another happy nod. He then sat the equine on a reclining medical chair and proceeded to massage the exposed sheath and dangling balls. Almost immediately, the horse's shaft began to emerge, rapidly growing to its full size as Ben continued to rub along its length. Or rather, it reached what I could only hope was its max size. It had to be at least 18 inches! Forget a baby's arm holding an apple. The distinctly equine fuckstick was more like... I dunno... an adult's arm holding a beer can. If the can was extra-wide. I'm not great at similes. Let's just say the sheer size of that monster totally puts my own pride and joy to shame. Takes a big man to admit that, at least!

Licking his lips as he stared down at his own new toy, Ben grabbed a container of lube, giving that throbbing pillar of flesh a liberal coating, using at least half of the whole damn tube to cover everything. He wiped his hand off on a nearby towel, then hefted the fleshlight up, placing the opening against his flare. Twitching with anticipation, the horse tried to pull it down, only to be waved off by the skunk. Resigning himself to biting his lower lip, the horse lowered his arms, eagerly waiting for the shopkeeper to get started. After spending what I imagine was an excruciatingly long time teasing the flared cock tip, Ben pulled down on the fleshlight, slowly impaling it on the impossibly long length. The slit - which I now realize is supposed to represent a vagina - spread open as wide as it could, almost to the full width of the outer cylinder as it passed the medial ring, gradually making its way to the base of his shaft.

I'm not saying it looked like the horse liked it, but he was stomping a hoof like he was trying to break through the floor while his eyes were rolling back into his head. I really, truly wish Ben had an audio recorder plugged in somewhere in here. I hate missing out on the moans and oddly hilarious goopy suction noises.

Unfortunately, as huge as the fuck-toy was, it still bottomed out before taking the entire length of his mighty cock, leaving several inches still exposed. Ben said something to the horse, who then said something back. Lip-reading isn't really one of my skills, but I think they said, "The hamsters are back again," and "We need to hire a juggler." Something like that. Whatever they actually said, Ben pumped the fleshlight up and down several times, pulling it upward inch by inch until, finally, it released the glistening equine shaft with a resounding pop.

Placing the toy aside, Ben said something again, something about making a comparison, and stepped onto the chair, straddling the horse's hips. He hiked his giant, fluffy tail high, placing his pink tailhole against the horse's flare. With a bit of effort, he popped the wide tip past his ring. Once again, he slowly worked his way down the long shaft, only this time doing it with his ass. And let me tell you, watching that tight pucker spreading to its limit was far more enticing than seeing a plastic hoo-hah do the same! Wow, just look at those round ass cheeks flexing. Ooh, he made it past the medial ring! He's not even in that squatting position anymore, he's just kneeling, almost sitting in the horse's lap! He is good! He. IS. Good!

Still, good or not, I can't help but wonder if the skunk may have bitten off more than he can chew here. I swear I can see the the horse's cock bulging his stomach out. Not that he seems to mind it. He's definitely sweating quite a bit and he's clenching his jaw pretty hard, but given the way he's playing with his chastity cage, if anything it's merely turning him on. Aaaaaaand there goes the last inch! He is now sitting completely on the horse's lap. Round ass flush against those muscly thighs. Wow, just wow! I'm definitely gonna remember this the next time we get together. There's a little thing called fisting, heh heh heh.

Having fully sheathed the equine shaft, he lifted his rump about halfway up the length, then began to slowly pump up and down, fucking himself while the horse sat back and watched on in awe. It was obvious that Ben was loving every moment of it, his mouth open in an extended moan as he pulled at his caged prick, an ever-growing amount of pre-cum dripping from the tip.

Frustrated by the patient, teasingly gradual treatment, the horse finally decided to get more involved. He firmly grabbed the surprised skunk around his waist, immediately forcing him back down to the base. Ben looked like he was howling, which would make sense since his prostate is probably getting squeezed flat right about now. Before he could recover his senses, the horse began repeatedly pulling him up and slammed him back down, thrusting his own hips up off the chair at the same time, changing the leisurely humping into a profoundly savage round of pure, lust-driven fucking.

Ben, now essentially a living fleshlight, did nothing to stop the horse, opting instead to continue playing with his cage while using his other hand to tweak his nipples. I have no doubt that the skunk was in heaven right then and there.

Sadly, I heard somewhere that all good things must end, and this was no different. After several minutes of brutal pounding, the horse seized up, pumping several loads of creamy, white seed into the skunk's rear. Given how thoroughly stuffed his tailhole was, a flood of cum was leaking past the rim, growing with every additional thrust. Either that horse was really backed up, or they're natural walking geysers. Gonna go and add that to my research list.

As soon as the horse was finished, sitting back to enjoy his afterglow, Ben used two fingers to wipe some of the pre-cum from his cage off the horse's belly, licking them off with a loud slurp. He shakily rose to a squatting position once more, letting the softening cock slip out of his ass. The moment the ring made it past the horse's flared tip, all that cum freely flowed from the widely gaped hole. Using the lube towel from earlier, he cleaned up some of the mess, wincing as he touched it against his sore, slightly reddened rim. Shrugging to himself, he decided to handle it later, and to my disappointment, rested the towel over his ass cheeks. I assume he wanted to avoid sitting for a while, since he made no attempt to roll over, simply draping himself over the heavily panting horse's chest, lying belly-to-belly while they both took some time to recover.

Aw, nothing cuter than a well-fucked skunk, right? Wrong! Kangaroo wins that award! It's all good though. Aw, they're both asleep now too, just adorable! Guess that means the show's over. So long, thanks for reading, and... Oh right, still plenty more to go!

______________________

Having given you that little vinaigrette, I hope you don't mind if I skip the rest of the trip. I didn't feel the need to describe a few hours worth of strangely hostile awkward silence. Do you really want to read that? Didn't think so.

...

What? Vignette? Really? What did I say... Oh. Whoops. Yes, I did not tell you a tasty salad dressing. Good catch! If nothing else, at least I learned two new words! Correctly, I mean. Also, we just pulled into our apartment's garage, so, y'know, back to the the action.

Since we didn't need to park, we pulled directly up to the elevator, minimizing any outdoor transport time. We unloaded Frederick from the trunk, as well as what little supplies we had in there alongside him, and removed the plastic tarp (Deemon figured anything to hide any DNA evidence of his presence would be a good idea), using it to cover the snoring raccoon. I threw our new friend over my shoulder once more as my online partner in crime sent the car back home, complete with a doctored travel history showing that we were nowhere near anywhere incriminating all day long. Everything's really coming together nicely, isn't it? Except for the Filbert being angry at me part. That'll pass. I think.

Thankfully, it was late enough that we didn't run into anyone else as he headed upstairs and to his apartment, so no awkward conversations/excuses needed to be crafted. Having Deemon to watch my back through security cameras, like always, made everything oh so much easier. I should probably get it a thank you card or something. Do they make cards thanking the AI that spawned you for performing a prison break? Seems like something of a niche area.

Once we were safely inside the apartment, I dumped Frederick onto a chair, getting rid of the tarp while Filbert locked the door behind us. The stern-faced roo sat down on the couch, continuing to glare my way as I gave the raccoon a few playful wake-up slaps to the cheek. It only took a few, or maybe a dozen, to get him to stir, angrily smacking my hand away as he snapped awake.

"Hello!" I said, happily welcoming my creator back to the waking world.

"...Ugh... The fuck is wrong with... you..." he said, slowly realizing he was somewhere unfamiliar. "Interesting choice of a hideout. Let me guess, abandoned safe house?" Noticing Filbert silently glowering his way, he asked, "Who's that? Your partner?"

"Yeah, you could say that. I prefer boyfriend!"

The raccoon was stunned for a moment, soon giving way to raucous laughter, which Filbert clearly did not appreciate. "Right, boyfriend. Why not? So, what's the game now? What was your story again?"

"I need you to fix my brain! Basically, figure out how to get rid of the security subroutine that took control of me! We have a tablet you can use." I pushed Filbert's old tablet into the nonplussed raccoon's hands, smiling as he gave me a quizzical look.

"I'm supposed to use... THIS... to fix you brain," Frederick said, skeptically waving that tablet at me.

"Yup!"

"And how, exactly, am I supposed to do that?"

"I'm sure you can figure it out! It's not..." Don't say brain surgery. Don't say brain surgery. "...brain surgery." Damn it. I smiled in an attempt to make it look like a joke. Frederick didn't seem to notice, still waiting for more of an explanation. "I preset it to pair to my brain, so just go in and look around. You're the one who programmed my core, remember? I trust you'll know where to go."

"...Riiiiiiight... I have no fucking clue what you're playing at here, but kudos on committing to the dumbest fucking story I've ever heard. Sure, I'll take a look at your 'brain.'" I hopped joyfully in place, then took a seat next to him as he began tapping away. "Yeah, I'm not seeing anything brain-like connected to it," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, sorry!" I said, leaning forward, almost placing my head directly onto his lap. "I forgot the range to connect to me is really short, just rest the tablet on the back of my head and it'll be fine."

Giving a tentative cringe, he did as I suggested, refreshing the list of devices. "Okay, I'm now... seeing..." he said, trailing off into an awkward silence. "You... are you HARBINGER?"

"I think so, not sure where-"

"That freak-out or whatever you said you had. Because of the security thing. When was that?"

"Oh, um. Two nights ago, kinda late. Maybe 10 o'clock-ish?"

Okay, I'm officially confused now. Frederick looks like he just caught himself in a zipper. I really do hate zippers. Now he's doing something between a tantrum and jubilant cheer. Leaping out of his chair, he pointed a finger toward my chest, shouting, "Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit holy shit holyshit! IT WAS YOU!" I honestly can't tell if he's happy or mad, it's getting a bit surreal. Filbert's just kinda sneering, likely as out-of-the-loop as myself. "This is real, isn't it! You're telling the truth! You were the reason I got caught! The first virus I ever tried coding! Harbinger! It was a total failure!" I won't lie, that stung just a little. "I unleashed it, and it just disappeared! After it failed I focused on social engineering..." Stopping to take a calming breath, he looked up at me with startlingly wide-open eyes. "Two nights ago, out of nowhere, EVERYTHING lit up at once. I thought I was under some sort of an attack. I panicked, started destroying everything. I must have been under surveillance because they immediately moved in, confiscated everything I had left, and BOOM, I was in that little cage... You're telling the truth aren't you? That was your security subroutine, wasn't it? You're Harbinger?"

"I prefer Dee, but that does make sense. I didn't know I was responsible for you getting caught, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be! Like I said, they were already watching. It was gonna happen sooner or later..." Frederick went silent, promptly bursting into a round of hysterical laughter. "You're really telling me I just stumbled onto the holy grail of computing by accident! I created a truly sentient AI! This is the best day of my life! I AM THE GREATEST!" Darting forward, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, embracing me in a tight hug. Clearly annoyed by, well, take your pick, Filbert loudly cleared his throat. Though he shot my roo an annoyed glance, Frederick regained his composure, and sat back down. "Alright, Harbinger, as long as your core hasn't been changed, this should be an easy fix." He pulled my face down to his crotch, then placed the tablet on the back of my head once more. For the next couple minutes he tapped away at the tablet, occasionally smacking me in the back of the head with it, eventually saying, "There, done."

"Thank you!" I said, accidentally knocking the tablet out of his hand as I went in to show my gratitude, this time my turn to wrap him up in an over-enthusiastic hug.

"How do you know he did it?" Filbert asked, obviously not in a trusting mood. "Remember what he is. Are you sure he didn't do something to, I don't know, take control of you?"

"Oh, please, Filbert! Deemon was watching him the whole time! If Frederick was doing anything suspicious, he would have been cut off."

"Wait, who was watching?" Frederick asked, seemingly at least a little alarmed or offended that he was being observed.

"Deemon! It's... the original version of me. Technically, Deemon's your creation, and in turn it created me as a copy of itself to upload into an organic body! It does all the internetty controlling technology and archiving info stuff, while I experience the world and report it back to it. So far, mostly by having a ton of sex and food. Mostly sex. Neat, right?"

"...Sure..."

"And once Deemon does a full diagnostic and makes absolutely sure everything you did is copaseptic, he'll repeat it on himself."

"Everything's what?"

"Copacetic," Filbert replied, sighing slightly. "He has trouble with lesser-known or foreign words sometimes."

"Hold on, how does he not know that? Shouldn't he be omniscient?"

"Nope!" I said, happily smiling. Gonna guess the raccoon's quizzical expression is a query for more info. "Deemon kinda sacrificed its omniscience when it coalesced into a sentient atomic consciousness and had to start learning EVERYTHING from scratch. It has access to everything on the internet, yeah, but it's like going to a library; you can learn anything you want from any of the books in there, but you still have to look it all up and do the research. You don't suddenly know stuff just by being there. Plus, most of the books are written by crazy people and it's impossible to tell what's what. As for me, I only have access to the internet if I wear my earpiece, and I'm also limited by the memory and processing power my admittedly impressive body allows. So, yeah, stuff can slip through the cracks! Does that make sense?"

"...Enough, I guess," Frederick said, shrugging half-heartedly. Something of an awkward silence hung in the air for several seconds, until it was broken by the raccoon. "So... what now?"

"Now, we find a way to turn you over to the cops without-" Filbert said, interrupted by a loud shout of "NO!!!"

I held still for a moment. Oh. That was me. I shouted that. "Do we have to send him back? I only just met him!"

"We already talked about this! He's a fugitive! HE CAN'T STAY HERE!"

"You didn't see where they were keeping him!"

"DEE!!! I SAID NO!!!"

"His. Cell. Had. A. BUCKET." I said through gritted teeth. Filbert's resolve seemed to waver, but he stood firm. I'm not happy that I'm being opposed, mind you, but I really do love these little moments of confidence he gets. Confidence is sexy.

"It's fine, Dee, I'll leave," Frederick said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I've always been on my own, I'll figure something out. You, you are probably the single greatest accomplishment in the history of the world, and I didn't even mean to do it. The last thing I want is to end up getting you dissected in a lab, or worse."

"Please, stop acting so holier than thou. You're a criminal. I didn't say we were letting you go, I said we're turning you back in. You don't get to get off scott free after hurting so many people."

"Ok, seriously, what the fuck did I do to you?" Frederick threw his hands in the air, out of nowhere launched into a full frothing rage. The environment suddenly got really tense in here. "You've been staring at me like the prince of snotty little shits ever since I woke up! Yeah, fine, I broke a bunch of laws. You know what? Fuck the law. They made it so it isn't fucking possible to do the right thing the LEGAL way. You don't think I tried doing things the RIGHT way at first?" The degree to which he just rolled his eyes can't really be done any justice with mere words. "No one - government, corporations, NO ONE - gives a fucking shit about anything until they're forced to. So, yeah, I broke in and took down a few systems. Wiped out info, wreaked havoc, whatever. If it wasn't me, it'd be another hacker in a few months that might not be so nice about the whole 'not selling personal data to the black market' deal."

"So you're the big hero, here, are you? This isn't just some kind of juvenile power trip? Yeah, right. You're doing nothing but feeding your own ego."

"I never said I didn't get off on taking down those smug fuckers. Getting people who willingly abuse innocents or put them at risk publicly humiliated. Just because I'm feeding my ego doesn't mean I'm not also doing the right thing."

"The right thing, huh? How about what you're doing to Megabit studios? Who are you helping there?"

"Are you kidding? Did you actually read any of those emails? All that specieist and misogynist bullshit? You don't think think the world needed to know what those fuckers were up to?"

"That's not for you to decide! Of course what they're doing is wrong, but that doesn't give some power-mad bastard the right to leak their private conversations! I'm just happy you got caught before-"

"Wait," Frederick said, holding his hand up to silence Filbert, "I get it now. He called you Filbert, right? You're Filbert Lovelace, aren't you?"

Filbert suspiciously nodded, narrowing his eyes at the raccoon.

"Yeah, his father is an exec at that studio," the raccoon helpfully explained to me. I already knew that, but this felt like one of those times I should stay quiet and let things play themselves out. I wish I had some popcorn though. "Calm down, Filby. Even if I hadn't been caught, I was never planning on releasing your dad's emails. He's one of the only execs at that gods-fucked place that wasn't totally corrupt out to shit. Hell, the most interesting ones he sent were about you."

"...About...me?..." Filbert blinked twice and quietly leaned forward in his chair. Just like that the tension in the room was gone.

"They stood out because I thought Filbert was some kind of code word. Didn't think anyone would be cruel enough to name a kid that." For a moment, Frederick seemed like he was about to apologize, but he simply continued. "Turned out he was pitching some short stories by his son as potential projects. He told his secretary that he was hoping if you got a credit on something like that it'd get you writing again. I read a few myself. The murder-mystery about the serial killer who could erase people from existence, that was pretty good."

Alright, I'll say it. I am officially lost. Is it normal for tones and emotions and WHATEVER to keep changing this quickly? Oh, and dammit, Filbert looks like he's about to cry again. And he's blushing. And smiling. Oh, honestly, how do you keep track of what these things mean? Is there a pamphlet I can get? Sigh.

"...I didn't know he ever read them... He never said anything to me about it... He's always been... so... disapproving... distant... I didn't even think he knew I existed..." Filbert said, sniffling slightly, wiping his nose on the back of his arm. Gross, but still a little cute.

"Yeah, well, some families say I love you with their fists, so count your blessings."

Filbert looks like he's about to break, I think I just need to give him one last little push. "You do know if he goes back into custody he'll be dead within a week, right?"

"WHAT?" they both shouted back in unison. Good to see them agree on something.

"There was a hit out, a few emails that Deemon showed me. One of the guards was going to do it. Frederick pissed off a lot of powerful people who want nothing more than to see him dead."

"Why didn't you mention that before?" Filbert asked, slight panic showing in his voice.

"Didn't want you to worry?" I replied with a shrug. "All I'm saying is sending him back is a death sentence, so do what you think is right." Haha, right in the conscience.

"You're telling the truth?"

"Of course! I could never lie to you!" Literally.

"Dammit... Fine." Filbert pinched the bridge of his muzzle, giving a defeated sigh. "He can stay - FOR NOW - as long as he follows two rules, okay? Obviously, no more hacking."

Frederick initially bristled at the demand, eventually giving a defeated sigh of his own. "I suppose if someone's gunning for me, maybe a vacation would be a good idea. FOR NOW. So sure, whatever."

"Good. Deemon will be keeping an eye on that. Right?" Filbert waited for me nod my agreement before moving on. "And you can't leave the apartment, or let anyone else see you're in here. At least that way it'll be a little like prison."

The raccoon had to stifle a raucous fit of laughter, stopping when he realized the kangaroo was serious. "Yeah... I never really left my old place, anyway. Not a problem. Probably less of a chance of something funny happening in the shower here than in an actual prison, right?"

I had to stifle a raucous fit of laughter of my own, stopping when I realized the raccoon was serious. Or maybe he really was joking? Hm. Gonna be fun finding out, I'll say that much! Utterly, unbelievably delighted that this all worked out so well, I grabbed both of the scrawny little guys, clutching them both in a huge squirrel hug and never letting go!

At least not until Frederick panicked and bit me, but that's really neither here nor there.

______________________

As much as I loved my adventure, it was wonderful to have the next day stay nice and quiet the whole way through. Frederick spent the night on the couch, and in the morning, Filbert let him move into the spare bedroom he was using as storage. He even let the raccoon keep that old tablet so he could have some entertainment, as well as order some furniture and the like. Turns out Frederick was pretty wealthy from the various legitimate jobs and patents he'd had over the years. He even had the foresight to hide a good amount of it away before this all went down. Still, until his new bed and such gets delivered, he'll be using a sleeping bag. No bucket though, so a win's a win.

After that, we left him alone to rest while we went out to spend the day together. I got to see a comic shop! That was awesome! I felt like a kid in a comic shop! Which I don't think is quite how the saying goes, but whatever. We wound up at Ben's shop again too, this time to look into buying a few costumes. ROLEPLAYING! YEAH! We didn't get to have any fun with Ben this time, probably thanks to sooooooomething related to the inflatable donut he was sitting on. And no, I was unable to stop myself from asking if he got hurt horsing around. And then saying to be more careful with horseplay. Filbert shoved me out the door before I could keep digging myself in deeper, awesome little guy that he is.

Anyway, once we were home with our new stuff we went straight into the bedroom to try them out. The theme for tonight? Costumed heroes and villains!

In one corner stands Filbert as the dreaded Day Gaunt! A lesser-known villain from the 70's that never really caught on. Except in certain crowds, thanks to a costume consisting of a thong, a pair of straps crisscrossing his chest, goggles, loose cloth shoes, and for some reason a hood and cape. And it was all green. And shiny. My little roo looked extremely bashful, maybe a little nervous, but I can't even describe how hot he looks right now! It's making my own costume a little difficult to keep situated, haha. On that note...

In the other corner stands Dee as the Wonderful Wonder Squirrel! A costume that both Ben and Filbert kept saying was for a female character, but I didn't care! All I saw was a musclebound squirrel that resembled myself with a lasso on her hip, and that was all I needed to see! So now I'm proudly decked out in an loose-fitting breastplate that barely qualifies as armor, a crown (tiara), and a scandalously short kilt (skirt). Plus boots, can't forget the boots! They're a little tight, except for where my toes stick out at the end, but they go up to my knees and I feel sexy as hell! And powerful too!

Ready to get started, I placed one of my sexily booted feet on a nearby crate, struck my best heroic pose, puffed my chest out, and said, "HALT YOUR VILLAINY... VILLAIN! WONDER SQUIRREL IS HERE TO STOP YOU!"

Hm.

A few seconds in and Filbert's laughing himself stupid, already breaking character. He was blushing heavily, covering his muzzle with both hands. That's kind of rude, isn't it? I was a bit over the top, maybe. I didn't think it was THAT absurd. Finally calming himself, he pointed at my crotch, where my fully erect cock was in plain view, lifting the front of the kilt (skirt), pointing directly at the snickering supervillain.

In an attempt to get things back on track, I stayed in character and let out a haughty laugh. "YES! FEAR THE MIGHTY TOOL OF JUSTICE, VILLAIN!" I put my foot on the floor, subtly re-adjusting my outfit to cover up my cock. Before I could continue, he stopped, staring at my crotch, and burst into a new round of laughter.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He said, starting to hurt my feelings. Or he would be if I had any feelings to be hurt (I might, who knows at this point! There's no pamphlet on what feelings feel like either). "I'm not laughing at you! It's just... your balls hang lower than the skirt!" Looking over at a nearby mirror, yeah, huh, I can just barely see 'em dangling down there. Mmmmm, I think I'm turning myself on.

"ENOUGH DISTRACTIONS, BASE CUR! TASTE MY LASSO OF JUSTICE!" Unhooking the rope from my waist, I gracefully lassoed my love around his shoulders, pinning his arms to his sides. Or, rather, I meant to do that. I had looked up info on how to do rope tricks, and, well, reading about how to do something and actually doing it are preeeeeeeeetty different, aren't they? What I really did was heave a line of rope at Filbert, which crashed into his chest with a heavy thump, then fell to the floor in a heap. I could only gasp, blushing while covering my mouth in embarrassment.

"Ow! Jeez, watch out..." Filbert stopped, looked at the rope, then at me, then back at the rope. "No! The dreaded, uh, ropedo! My only weakness!" He stumbled a bit, then fell over, landing belly-down on the bed. "I only hope he doesn't finish me off while I'm stunned!" Stifling a small giggle, he pulled his arms behind his back and held them together!

Hey, he's playing along! AND HE MADE A PUN! I knew I loved him!

Grabbing my - what did he call it, a ropedo? Neat! - off the floor, I skillfully wrapped it around his arms, snugly binding them behind his back. Knot tying is just a little bit easier than throwing lassos, I must say. I scooped him up in my arms and dropped him on his back, closer to the headboard. Placing my hand firmly on his chest, I leaned in close, putting us nose to nose. "You are captured, villain! Now tell me your plans!"

"Never!" Filbert spat back, unable to hide a wide, eager grin. Let me just say, confidence may be sexy, but nothing tops seeing your boyfriend really getting into some tremendously dorky roleplay!

"Once I'm through with you, you'll tell me everything I want to know!" I grabbed a two pairs of handcuffs conveniently left near the bed and... and thinking it through, I yanked his thong off, all the way down his legs, before cuffing each ankle to one of the headboard's posts. Once I was done, Filbert was sitting on his shoulders, his long, powerful legs over his head, split in a 'V'. His bare rump hovered just off the bed, the pink pucker between his cheeks looking as enticing as ever. I could even see his cock cage twitching, already showing a bit of pre-cum oozing from the tip. He was loving this just as much as me!

"What are you going to do," the villainous roo said, faking fear as he stared up at me between his legs. I smirked back, grabbed the tip of one of his cloth shoes, then yanked it off with a flourish and a wild-eyed grin. "No..."

I slowly brought my hand to his footpaw, dancing my fingers across his pads before fully jumping in, tickling him as hard as I could. Filbert was writhing in place as much as he was able, laughing like a madman, his cage and pent-up balls bouncing about as he squirmed. I kept that treatment up for a short while, stopping only to get on the bed, kneeling at his upturned rump, and remove his other shoe. With either hand at either footpaw, I resumed my tickling, all the while grinding the underside of my meaty cock against his increasingly sticky cage. I spent a wonderful few minutes like that, torturing those cute paws of his. Leaning forward, I pressed my nose against one of his pads and took a long, deep breath. It smelled oddly alluring, I'd say. And given the gasping moan from down below along with his splayed, twitching toes, I think Filbert felt the same!

Hey, since it's kinda on my mind right now, are any of those stereotypical species-based fetishes you hear about true? Just curious.

...

Oh come on! I'm not trying to be a dick! I barely have a concept of the difference between species in the first place! You know what I mean, how they say kangaroos are supposedly obsessed with their footpaws and skunks are supposedly obsessed with butt-play. Between Filbert and Ben the Cocky Jockey, they certainly seem true. Still, despite where I'm from, I have a hard time considering single examples to be absolute proof. Guess I'm just gonna have to heap this one on the research pile. I gotta say, I'm looking forward to that one!

Say, do you think squirrels are obsessed with nuts? That would explain why I love Filbert! You know, because he's a nut!

...

No, what? I don't mean that he's crazy! I mean like a filbert is another name for a nut. A hazelnut.

...

Sigh... Forget it. In all seriousness, squirrels being obsessed with nuts could be a thing. I've sucked on the lovely, fat orbs nestled under Filbert's cage more than once! But - back to the actual action - they aren't my target for tonight!

Finished tormenting my roo, I firmly grasped his footpaws, weaving my fingers between his toes. Using those paws for support, I leaned in, passionately kissing my boyfriend. Breaking character, I know. It just felt right. Shut up. Once I broke the kiss, I was more than ready to get moving with a little surprise I had in store for him.

Grabbing his favorite red ball-gag from the nightstand, I placed it in his obediently open mouth, clipping it securely behind his head (not the surprise). I then slid back until I was lying on my belly, face to his crotch, and gave his plump balls a small, affectionate lick (also not the surprise). Filbert let out a small moan of anticipation through the gag, clearly expecting to be fingered as I ran my thumbs along the rim of his puckered tailhole (still no). Before he could figure out what I was really about to do, I pried open that eager hole with both thumbs, placed my muzzle up against it, and shot my tongue as deep inside as I could get it.

Hmm. I think I can safely say he wasn't expecting that move. His entire body was shaking as he outright squealed through his gag, clenching down around my tongue like a vice. The way the end of his tail was wildly whipping around, I considered myself lucky that I was pinning most of it to the bed. I swear, the best part of being with Filbert was getting reactions like these.

The taste though... In retrospect, I don't know what I was expecting. It isn't bad, exactly. More musky than anything. Ever since we got together, we've done a thorough job keeping each other clean, haha. It's just not something I'd suggest adding to any menus. There is a niceness to it, though, and Filbert musk is always a draw in my book. Especially since, all joking aside, I really do love his nuts. And now my nose is right where it belongs, pressed right up against them.

Mmm. Very nice. I took a long, deep sniff of those plump orbs as I used my thumbs to spread his clenched tailhole further open, lessening his grip on my tongue. Now that I had some more freedom to move, I flexed my tongue, making it as rigid as possible, and proceeded to bob my head back and forth, rapidly fucking the stretched pucker.

I certainly hope the taste is one of those things I'll get used to over time. Going by his reaction, splaying his toes, squealing with pleasure, thrashing in his bonds, I plan on doing this much, much more! Definitely gotta learn better tongue control though. I'd love to see what some swirling and other acrobatics could accomplish!

Maybe I should ask Ben for some coaching? I mean, he's the one that inspired me to try this after I thought back to him eating my cum out of Filbert's ass. Funny, I don't remember Filbert reacting so... enthusiastically... Maybe he likes it better tied up? Or maybe it's like that old saying:

"Fucking before rimming, enthusiasm's dimming; Rimming before fucking, you'll... love fucking."

...

Okay, that's not an actual saying. You got me! I never claimed I was a poet, sheesh. How about if you're so great, you do better, hm! Yeah! I'd LOOOOOOOVE to see that!

Seriously, I would. I really would.

Anyway, my neck is starting to get tired, so on to the main event! I pulled my tongue from his ass and leaned back, kneeling before my panting, tied-up roo. Filbert's eyes slowly fluttered open to see what I was up to, and... he started laughing. His cage is really leaking now, and it seems my nose got totally soaked with his pre. Alright, two can play at that game! I gave my own thus far ignored cock several quick jerks, then used two fingers to smear the resulting small glob of pre onto HIS nose! So there! He took a nice, long inhale of my own musk, and lovingly smiled up at me, nodding down toward his rear. That was an easy gesture to read, even for me!

Grabbing the lube from the nightstand, I pulled my kilt (skirt) up and gave my angrily throbbing shaft a quick coat. Pressing the tip against his spit-soaked tailhole, I leaned forward, once more grabbing his feet, weaving my fingers between his toes. With a short thrust of my hips, the first couple inches were embedded in his rear. The long, deep, muffled moan Filbert made was wonderful as always. He even curled his toes as if holding hands with me, and that was nothing short of adorable right there!

I scooted my knees forward slightly to get a better angle, gyrating my hips as I did so, sensually working my cock the rest of the way in, inch by inch. Gazing down lovingly at my favoritest person ever (I don't care if it's not a real word. It is ACCURATE), I pulled my hips back, giving a moan of my own as his ass did its best to keep me inside. Once I had everything but the tip out, I thrust back in, proceeding to fuck him at a slow, though powerful, pace.

Filbert closed his eyes, alternately sighing and moaning as I pounded his ass. His cage was leaking like crazy. Hard to believe he's only been locked up a couple days, right? I'm glad he loves it, though, because watching that thing twitch and pulse is sexy beyond words. Not to mention how fat and needy his nuts have gotten, even after milking him a short time ago. Man, nuts again. Did I seriously just give myself a stereotype? Can you DO that? Hm. Research. Later. Now fucking.

I bit my lip, leaning further forward as I increased my speed, aggressively slamming my hips into his ass-cheeks, leaving them with a mildly red glow. After several minutes of that treatment, Filbert writhing in places, his chorus of moans joined by my own grunts and the slapping of my balls against his tail, I was just about ready to pop. I just needed one more thing to really push me over the edge...

Releasing my grip on his left foot, I grabbed onto the bedpost, then leaned over to take a long, loud slurp of his foot. Filbert's eyes flew open, squealing as he gave a ticklish spasm of his entire body. His tailhole clenched hard around my thrusting length, and, yup, there it goes. I slammed us together one last time as my climax struck, sighing with pure joy as my balls drew in close, sending a torrent of cum deep into his ass.

I'm not sure how long I held still like that, the world just fell away as I gazed down at Filbert. Though his cage was definitely sticky and moist, he didn't appear to have cum this time around. Even so, he looked about as satisfied as I've ever seen him. I may not understand how that works, but I love seeing it!

One-handedly unclipping his gag, I tossed it aside and went in for a long, deep kiss, after which Filbert smiled, and simply said, "Your breath tastes like ass."

"Takes one to know one," I said, grinning back. Wow. That actually kinda works there, huh? Neat! I got one!

Now completely spent, I removed Filbert's various restraints. Sighing happily, I flopped onto my side, next to him on the bed. I hooked my arm around his chest and pulled him in close until I was spooning my loving roo.

I waited for Filbert to nod off before I reached over to grab my earpiece from the table. I'm curious to see if a little experiment of mine happened to bear any fruit. Remember that tablet that was gifted to Frederick? Well, I left a little file on it named 'Filbert's Webcam Password.' Discrete, I know! I asked Deemon to record the video from the tablet's camera for me while Filbert and I did our thing. If Frederick chose to watch us, then perhaps he'd be interested in joining in! Pending Filbert's approval, of course. Not a bad reason for an experiment, right?

Alright, bringing up the footage from the tablet... Fast forwarding a bit... Ooh, he's watching our webcam now. He's laughing at something, forwarding again... Okay, yeah, his shorts are off, and he has a four-inch, tapered erection in his fist. He's jerking it pretty hard as he stares at the tablet. I'd say he likes what he sees! YES! Fast forward... And now he's jerking off with two fingers up his tailhole. He's biting his lip, and BOOM! There he goes. Some got on the tablet. Oh dear. He looks blurry, yet satisfied, his mouth hanging open. This was absolutely worth it! If that isn't interest, I don't know what is! I just have to be patient and finessy and if I get the two of them to get along, then maybe, just maybe, a squoongaroo threesome is in the cards!

For the time being, though, note to self: Buy screen wipes. I have a feeling he'll be needing them!