FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Mr. and Mrs. Derby were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything sexual or kinky, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. However things would change for them.

A mysteriously dressed wolf appeared near their house one night. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing a bath robe of some sort, a burgundy one to be precise, and comfortable slippers. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his junk was very long but hidden as they were among the pruggles. This man's name was Albert Dingledore.

Albert Dingledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his slippers was bizarre for this time of night and out in public. He was busy rummaging in his robe, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at a feline next to him. To be precise, a panther. It was highly unusual for one to be there but this feline was well hidden in the shadows. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known." Luckily the street lights outside the house were broken and the panther could continue walking towards the house without being spotted.

"Fancy seeing you here, Professor Kivuli." Kivuli fittingly was Swahili for shadow. A beautiful name for her.

"How did you know it was me?" she asked.

"My dear Professor, I know you're a top notch predator but I've known your scent for years."

"True enough," said Professor Kivuli. However the professor had something on her mind. "You know, the rumor is that he-who-refuses-to-fuck ended up killing Jay and Lillian Planter before he was defeated. I hope it isn't true." Professor Dingledore's silence confirmed the rumors and Kivuli bowed her head. "Those two were among the greatest students we've ever had. Jay was the greatest fuck and Lillian was a loyal and beautiful slut."

"Indeed." Sighed Dingledore heavily. "The boy Henry did live though."

"It's -- it's true?" faltered Professor Kivuli. "After all he's done... all the people he's stopped from enjoying their urges... he couldn't stop a little boy? It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Henry survive?"

"We can only guess," said Dingledore. "We may never know."

"By the way, I know Hachron is supposed to be here soon," said Professor Kivuli, "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?"

"I've come to bring Henry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."

"You don't mean -- you can't mean the people who live here?" cried Professor Kivuli, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dingledore -- you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son -- I saw him remaining most celibate. Henry Planter come and live here!"

"It's the best place for him," said Dingledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."

"A letter?" repeated Professor Kivuli faintly, "Really, Dingledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous -- a legend -- I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Henry Planter day in the future -- there will be books written about Henry -- every man and woman in our world will know his name!"

"Exactly," said Dingledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even use until school! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?" Professor Kivuli silently agreed. "Hachron's bringing him." Soon after Hachron arrived on a motorcycle with the child.

"Hachron," said Dingledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?"

"Borrowed it, Professor Dingledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke.

"No problems, were there?"

"No, sir -- house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Pruggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol."

Dingledore and Kivuli bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under his diaper they see a large bulge. They both look at each other for a moment.

"Is that...?" whispered Professor McGonagall.

"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have a gifted member." They place the basket on the front porch and finish their business. They sneak back to where they came from.

* * *

Henry Planter grew up in the house that was very celibate. Sex was never mentioned. Henry didn't even realize his cock was a gift in the size department alone. However he got an odd letter one day explaining he was a sexual gift and there was a school where he could develop and utilize his talents. He didn't know what sex was but it sounded fun and interesting.

The mother confiscated the letter and was horrified, thinking it a cruel joke from a perverted stalker or something. The family decided to ignore the letter, but more came in. When it became too much they all tried to leave and go to a vacation home for a few weeks to hope they no longer get harassed by the oddly sexual letters. Eventually Hachron came to assure Henry is able to go to this school known as Hogfucks: School of Sluts and Pimpery. Hachron arrived and announced he planned to take Henry to the school. While Henry was excited, he had to be honest: "I'm sorry, but I still don't really know who you are."

"Call me Hachron," he said, "Everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm Keeper of Keys at Hogfucks -- yeh'll know all about Hogfucks, o' course.

"Er -- no," said Henry.

Hechron looked shocked.

"Sorry," Henry said quickly.

"Sorry?" barked Hachron, turning to stare at the Derbies, who shrank back into the shadows. "It's them as should be sorry! I knew yeh weren't gettin' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogfucks, fer cryin' out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yet parents learned it all?"

"All what?" asked Henry.

"ALL WHAT?" Hachron thundered. "Now wait jus' one second!"

He had leapt to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the whole hut. The Derbies were cowering against the wall.

"Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Derbies, "that this boy -- this boy! -- knows nothin' abou' -- about ANYTHING?"

Henry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.

"I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff." But Hachron simply waved his hand and said, "About our world, I mean. Your world. My world. Yer parents' world."

"What world?"

Hachron looked as if he was about to explode.

"DERBY!" he boomed.

Mr. Derby, who had gone very pale, whispered something that sounded like "Mimblewimble."

"But yeh must know about yet mom and dad," he said. "I mean, they're famous. You're famous."

"What? My -- my mom and dad weren't famous, were they?"

"Yeh don' know... yeh don' know..." Hachron ran his fingers through his hair, fixing Henry with a bewildered stare.

"Yeh don' know what yeh are?" he said finally.

Mr. Derby suddenly found his voice.

"Stop!" he commanded. "Stop right there, sit! I forbid you to tell the boy anything!"

"You never told him? Never told him what was in the letter Dumbledore left fer him? I was there! I saw Dumbledore leave it, Derby! An' you've kept it from him all these years?"

"Kept what from me?" said Henry eagerly.

"STOP! I FORBID YOU!" yelled Mr. Derby in panic.Mrs. Derby gave a gasp of horror.

"Ah, go boil yet heads, both of yeh," said Hachron. "Henry - yer a pimp."

There was silence inside the hut. Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard.

"-- a what?" gasped Henry.

"A pimp, o' course," said Hachron, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin' good'un, I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter." Harry stretched out his hand at last to take the yellowish envelope, addressed in emerald green to Mr. H. Potter. He pulled out the letter and read:

HOGFUCKS SCHOOL of SLUTS and PIMPERY

Headmaster: ALBERY DINGLEDORE

Dear Mr. Planter,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogfucks School of Sluts and Pimpery. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. Yours sincerely,

Professor Kivuli, Deputy Headmistress

Questions exploded inside Henry's head like fireworks and he couldn't decide which to ask first.

"Where was I?" said Hachron, but at that moment, Mr. Derby, still ashen-faced but looking very angry, moved into the firelight.

"He's not going," he said. Hachron grunted.

"I'd like ter see a great Pruggle like you stop him," he said.

"A what?" said Harry, interested.

"A Pruggle," said Hagrid, "it's what we call nonsexual folk like them. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a family o' the biggest Pruggles I ever laid eyes on."

"We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to that rubbish," said Mr. Derby, "swore we'd stamp it out of him! Pimp indeed!"

"You knew?" said Harry. "You knew I'm a -- a pimp?"

"Knew!" shrieked Mrs. Derby suddenly. "Knew! Of course we knew! How could you not be, my perverted sister being what she was? Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that-that school-and came home every vacation with tales of being fucked. I was the only one who saw her for what she was -- a no good whore! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lillian this and Lillian that, they were sickingly amused of having a slut in the family!"

She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed she had been wanting to say all this for years.

"Then she met that Planter at school and they left and got married and had you, and of course I knew you'd be just the same, just as strange, just as -- as -- big -- and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up and we got landed with you!"

Henry had gone very white. As soon as he found his voice he said, "Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!"

"CAR CRASH!" roared Hachron, jumping up so angrily that the Derbies scuttled back to their corner. "How could a car crash kill Lillian an' Jay Planter? It's an outrage! A scandal! Henry Planter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!" "But why? What happened?" Henry asked urgently.

Hachron explained the best he could, trying to not forget any details. He-who-never-fucks, an evil man who wanted to end their world of sluts, calling it a natural perversion with sexual perversion. His parents were the best and therefore prime targets to be killed by him. Henry took a while to take all this in but it made him more determined to go. He was on his way to an amazing world.