Alphys' Modern Life: Camera Shy (Part 4)
#4 of Alphys' Modern Life: Camera Shy
In this just-about-pitch-perfect tribute/parody of (not to mention massive improvement over) a classic episode from probably the best Nicktoon series of all time (Rocko's Modern Life), Alphys gets filmed doing a wide variety of incredibly embarrassing and often private/romantic things ranging from dancing the Godzilla-sized tango with Mettaton to having extremely rough sex with Toriel, by her best friends Papyrus and Undyne, with the pathetically weak excuse that "it's for her parents."
Needless to say, all kinds of hilarious insanity and tooth-rotting romantic fluff ensue as a direct result, cementing this as easily one of the funniest fanfictions of all time.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, AFTER ALL OF THE GOLD HAD BEEN CONVERTED INTO CREDIT...
(AND THEN QUITE A FEW HOURS LATER, AFTER ALPHYS AND COMPANY HAD FINALLY FINISHED BUYING EVERY LAST COPY OF THE DVD AND RETURNING IT TO THE LAB...)
"Alright, I think that's FINALLY every last one of them!" Alphys panted and huffed as she weakly walked over to her desk and collapsed onto her office chair, her tongue hanging out in exhaustion as she gazed upon the massive, towering pile of DVD cases surrounding her.
"Wait a minute...10,997...10,998...10,999...OH, GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, THERE'S STILL ONE LEFT!" Papyrus gasped in horror as he finally finished tallying up the total number of DVD cases that he and Alphys and Undyne had collected so far on his iPhone.
"Hey, Alphys, looks like you've got MAIL!" Undyne laughed, running over to her with a massive armful of letters and dumping them all over her as she immediately began skimming through them.
"Let's see...love notes, romantic pamphlets, dating requests, mushy poems, junk mail, more freaking marriage proposals, and...OH GOD, IT'S FROM MY PARENTS!" Alphys shrieked in horror, leaping straight up out of the pile like a blasting-off rocket ship and clinging tightly onto the ceiling like a cowardly little spider as letters scattered all over the room.
"Alphys, for the love of God, get down from there and just read it already so that we can finally get this s%#& OVER with!" Undyne groaned, stomping the floor with her signature technique and catching Alphys lovingly in her arms with a hug and a kiss as the poor lizard fell back down to said floor.
"FINE..." Alphys groaned irritatedly, rolling her eyes as she opened up the envelope and began reading the letter that her mom and dad had left her, already not liking where this was going.
"Dear Daughter, we really enjoyed your video and thought it was actually quite funny; in fact, it almost made us feel sorry for leaving you homeless in a dumpster when you were literally only five beer-bottle-nursing years old, leaving you with no choice but to seek out the nearest orphanage and/or fend for yourself against the shadowy, flesh-ripping beasts out in the wilderness because we were too fat and lazy to do the job ourselves." Alphys read.
"CRAWLING IN MY BONES! THESE FRACTURES WILL NOT HEAL!" Papyrus sang teasingly while Undyne smugly skimmed through the whole dictionary of edgy character clichés.
"Anyway, we hope you're doing well, and we wish you a very simple and happy life as far away from us as possible. We definitely do not love you very dearly, but your father's dictatorship business over here in New Home City is booming at the moment, so we've got plenty of money to give you; I'm sure that's the only thing you really care about anyway, you filthy f#% ing Jew." Alphys read, crumpling both the letter and the dollar bills into balls and throwing them across the room in frustration.
"Well, my father is basically Hitler incarnate, and my mother is even more of a filthy whore than I am, but at least they're still giving me f# $ing MONEY, am I RIGHT?!" Alphys ranted furiously, pacing about the room and throwing her arms up into the air angrily as she did so...when suddenly, the sound of the Mew Mew theme song began emanating annoyingly and loudly from her iPhone!
"What is it, Grandma?" Alphys sighed, flipping open the phone and greeting the Snowdin librarian.
"Um...there's like this weird new video about you that already has, like, over a million views on UnderTube...Alphys, you haven't grown up into another creepy whore, have you?"
"Well, I suppose maybe you could say I...kind of have...ehehe..." Alphys stammered and giggled awkwardly, twiddling her fingers together nervously while her grandma hit herself in the face with a book in disappointment.
"Wait a minute...THAT'S IT! FACE...BOOK...FACEBOOK! I'm going to copy the link to this video and post it onto Facebook...uh, how exactly do you accomplish such a task with these newfangled modern-age devices, again?" the Snowdin librarian asked Alphys curiously.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO-"
"HAH! Too late, you little whippersnapper, I already figured it out! Oh, sweet dearie me, this is going to be just too good, I tell you, TOO GOOD!" Alphys' grandma laughed as she immediately did so.
FIVE MINUTES LATER, DOWN IN THE TRUE LAB...
"Um, Alphys, what are you doing with that bottle of gasoline? And why is everything on fire now?" Papyrus asked curiously while Alphys teleported her massive new pile of DVDs into the spacious generator room of the True Lab, poured gasoline all over it, and set it ablaze with her trusty pocket lighter.
"SOME WOMEN JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN..." Alphys hissed grimly at him as she crawled into the massive, burning pile with a sarcastic wave of goodbye and literally just let herself cook like a turkey inside of it. (Also, she died, so of course there's that too.)
"Indeed they do, Alphys, indeed they do." Undyne sobbed as both her Papyrus kneeled down on the floor, hugged each other tightly and promptly began bawling their eyes out.
"It's just like Chara always said; revenge is a dish best served COLD." Flowey cackled evilly as he extended out his urethra root and pissed all over the flaming pile (partially) to put out the fire, glaring and grinning smugly at Undyne and Papyrus as he did so.
Anyway, to make a long story short, the Amalgamates ate their own scientific mother piece-by-piece for dinner that night, and poor Doctor Alphys was never heard from again. THE END.