FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

CHAPTER 3

"Greetings, young beauties and gentlebeauties!" Mettaton greeted his lovely new audience of students as they all filed into the room and once again took their seats in literally the exact same layout as both of the previous times (AUBTCFSPM) while he immediately got out the box of VR helmets from under his desk. "I sure hope you're ready for yet another fabulous show, because I'm going to be your new math teacher for the year, starting today with Economics!"

"Um...excuse me?" Papyrus raised his hand and asked Mettaton curiously. "Your amazing fabulousness aside, what if we're honestly kind of...SICK of this constant VR thing?"

"Yeah, it's honestly making me feel a little dizzy...BLEEEAUUUGH!" Alphys lightheadedly ran over to the trash can right next to Mettaton's desk and violently puked the full remaining contents of both her entire breakfast and her pre-breakfast snack combined into it.

"It's a stupid and colossally overrated fad that needs to die, just like me and you." Sans sighed, propping his arms straight up on his elbows and resting his head exhaustedly in his hands.

"tEM THiNKS iT'S cOOL, tHOUGH!" Temmie whined, hopping up and down irritatedly.

"At least it lets me experience my fetishes the way that they were always meant to be experienced...OHH, YESSS..." Muffet moaned in arousal at the mere thought of all of the amazingly immersive porn that she would be able to watch on this brilliant new device.

"Personally, as cats, we're offended!" Catty and Burgerpants growled angrily at her.

"I'm probably going to use it for first-person video games and that's about it, really." Frisk sighed, crossing their legs atop the table and falling asleep for lack of anything better to do.

"Honestly, I think it's nothing short of AMAZING!" Undyne interrupted loudly, standing up and posing dramatically as she began expressing her feelings through...interpretive dance? "It allows me to truly release my inner passion and perform all KINDS of borderline physics-defying feats of sheer strength like nothing the Underground has ever even SEEN before, and-"

"Wait, can't you already just do that sh#% in real life anyway?" Alphys groaned and reminded her, rolling her eyes from how incredibly stupid and dense Undyne really could be at times.

"ENOUGH ABOUT YOU GUYS; LET'S TALK ABOUT ME!" Mettaton laughed, causing Alphys to roll her eyes yet again at Mettaton's sheer dickishness and egotism as he strapped all of the students (including her, of course) firmly into their VR helmets and snapped his fingers.

"Goodness gracious me, what better way to celebrate my incredible economic success than with an epic and amazing tribute to one of the greatest music videos of all time, followed yet another boring and generic celebrity douchebag show for the masses? OH GOSH, I'M SO EXCITED!" Mettaton giggled like a schoolgirl and twirled around in his revolving chair as he put on his own headset and joined the fun himself (because, as it turns out, he was actually the main star of this entire show, rendering everyone else pretty much pointless by comparison).

"Presidency With A Killer Robot!" the show was apparently called.

"Oi, you! Shut your mouth and look at my bod! LOADSAMONEY!" Mettaton EX yelled in a fit of joy as the spotlight shone on his dramatically posing, douchey self while onlookers showered gallons of dollars onto him from all around, kicking off the intro to his ever-so-fabulous new show.

"This is a journey into money... LOADS of money..." Alphys sighed as she sat at her newly appointed secretary desk at the now-skyscraper MTT Resort, her eyes bloodshot and drooping as she exhaustedly filled out and signed god-knows-how-many papers and fanmail letters.

"My name, my name, my name is Donald Mettatrump!" Blonde Mettaton eagerly addressed himself to a massive audience of Americans at the entrance to the White House in Maryland.

"L-O-D-S OF E-M-O-N-E...WHaT dOES THAt SpELL? LOaDSaMONEY! pROBaBLy!" Temmie laughed as she pointed in order at all eleven of the big, sloppy letters she had just recently engraved onto the chalkboard of a local elementary-school classroom with her paws (yes, she literally turned her paws into chalk), blissfully unaware that she was quite easily the dumbest student in the entire school.

"Everyone has a fetish for my legs, apparently! Right lads, watch out for the leggies!" Mettaton laughed as he drove past a large mob of rabid, drooling fangirls with his legs hanging out of one side of the car while robot Napstablook's hung dejectedly out the other side.

"LOADSA', LOADSA', LOADSA'... MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! LOADSA', LOADSA', LOADSA'... MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!" Mettaton chanted as he finally built the Great Wall of America over the USA/Mexico border once and for all, slapping his face on it just to add insult to injury.

"Right, whip it out! Well, it's YOUR dick! WHIP IT OUT!" Mettaton chortled merrily as he teasingly removed his high-heels and showed off his gorgeous bare soles to the audience.

"We're loads of Metta, we're LOADS of meta! Good evening and welcome to Loads of Metta!" Mettaton sang as he walked his way up an incredibly fancy red carpet leading to the television screen and began knocking on it with his fist as if he were knocking on someone's door.

"D-D-Doing it with Alphys is my bread and butter! Me dick's night's free and me sack's a nutter!" Mettaton sang as he made out with his own anthropomorphic, underaged, fatass weeaboo lizard mother and passionately...INTEGRATED with her, so to speak, in the janitor's closet at the very same exact middle school that she was currently going to in real life.

"Loads Of Metta is a shout I utter, as I shoot my balls into the lizard lady's gutter!" Mettaton sang as he retracted his robo-dick from Alphys' puss-puss and proudly displayed the lovely dripping of semen from it in glorious, hyper-detailed slow-motion...on public television, no less.

"(Hahahaha) Asgore D! Alphys wants it!" Mettaton snickered as Alphys dreamed passionately and erotically in her sleep about Asgore cradling her in his arms and showering her with flowers.

"This is- This is an- This is- This is an in- This is- This is an- thi- This is an insult to our intelligence!" Alphys and Undyne yelled at Mettaton on the local breaking-news channel!

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Mettaton yelled at them, dancing frivolously about with his tongue sticking out and both of his middle fingers stuck firmly straight up in the air while the two of them sneered at him and stuck their own middle fingers back at him in absolute disgust.

"Doctor, I'm gonna attend to this Mettaton...he's got way too much EGO!" Alphys explained to Gaster at the local hospital as she flipped Mettaton's head open and discovered that his entire brain had literally been replaced by a solid-gold CPU piggy bank loaded with jewels and money, which she then proceeded to angrily yank out and smash right open with a sledgehammer.

"The ransom demand is 1 million dollars!" Asgore warned Mettaton as the latter held Toriel hostage and threatened to tickle her to death if Asgore didn't let him rape her to death.

"THAT'S NOTHING! I make more than that in a DAY!" Mettaton laughed, spitting onto the screen. "Probably why I've got more ego than Papyrus, Undyne, & Chara put together!"

(He's such a douche)

ALPHYS: Mettaton makes the world go around!

UNDYNE: Mettaton makes the world go around!

METTATON: Ego strokin' be makin' me hard!

PAPYRUS: Mettaton makes the world go around!

METTATON: Ego strokin' be makin' me hard!

BURGERPANTS: Mettaton makes the world go around!

"Are you ready? Yeah! Right! Let's go up my hotel!" Mettaton laughed as he set the floor level on the MTT Resort's resident elevator to 100 and traveled all the way up to the very top!

"Bosh, bosh, shoom, shoom, wallop, DOSH! Whip your cream, whip your kids!" Mettaton laughed and moaned with pleasure as Alphys tied him to a bondage table and whipped him.

"Mettaton is the greatest! Mettaton is the greatest!" the entire massive crowd of people of Mettaton's presidential election speech cheered, even though most of them were pelting him with tomatoes.

"These boys certainly know how a fangirl is made, and the sheer popularity of this game isn't helping!" Alphys addressed Mettaton and Napstablook in a national interview on the news.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Mettaton yelled at her for literally no good reason, provoking her to smack him across the face with her clipboard and leave several negative notes about him on it.

"So the final score is:

Clizton United: NIL!

Mettatrump United: LOADS!

Now that's a final score right there!" Mettaton laughed as he leapt off the diving board into a massive sea of pure money ala Duck Tales, while Alphys sat on the curb weeping dejectedly.

"Stroke up the ego, stroke up the ego!" Mettaton chanted as he lathered MTT-Brand gel into his hair and admired how beautiful his hairstyle looked in the mirror...with no one else looking.

"HEY! Check this out!" Undyne yelled to get Mettaton's attention as she juggled no less than three recently-made clones of Alphys as if they weighed practically nothing at all.

"Sorry mate, don't take checks!" Mettaton jeered as he moonwalked snidely out of the studio.

"Ahh, just LOADS of money!" Mettaton laughed as he rode an airplane over New York City and just dumped bucket after massive bucket of money all over it as far as the eye could see.

"Sing a song of six pence, a pocket full of dosh! Debo debo, debo debo, bosh, bosh, bosh!" Mettaton and his nine new students chanted in unison atop the Empire State Building, with spotlights shining on them from all directions.

"Sing a song of six pence, a pocket full of dosh! Debo debo, debo debo, bosh, bosh, bosh!" Mettaton and his disciples continued chanting as they took a huge leap of faith from the building's at least 150-story-high roof and luckily landed in yet another massive tub of money!

With the ridiculously awesome intro sequence finally over with, the show immediately began with Mettaton addressing the people of America at the entrance to the White House.

"People of America, I have a very important question for you: don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT like me?" Mettaton laughed, causing the entire audience to groan and roll their eyes.

"Just so you know, MY girlfriend is actually HOTTER than you!" Undyne yelled at him.

"Well, don't you wish your girlfriend was a FREAK like me?" Mettaton teased the audience snidely, heel-turning and sticking his tongue out teasingly at each and every one of them.

"Eight-armed handjobs, anyone?!" Muffet cackled while everyone glared annoyedly at her.

"Mettaton, for the love of the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster, this has literally NOTHING to do with the freaking POINT that you're SUPPOSED to be ADDRESSING right now!" Papyrus yelled frustratedly at Mettaton, throwing a plate of spaghettti at him, which he leaned to the side and dodged with style.

"Ha, did you really think I was just gonna stand there and- D'OW!" Mettaton yelped in pain as one of Sans' slippers hit him right in the face, knocking him back into focus.

"Hm, I guess you could say he let that one SLIP OUT!" Sans shrugged, winked and chuckled while the entire audience uproariously laughed with him, still not getting to the point at hand.

"Alright, look, everybody: this country is in dire need of representation by someone as handsome and dashing as I, and if you were listening to literally anything I've been saying for the past five minutes, then you oughta know that I fit the bill PERFECTLY if nothing else!" Mettaton snickered, posing dramatically as a multitude of crickets chirped in the background.

"IN ORDER TO BE A SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, YOU HAVE TO CREATE MEMES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! YESTERDAY, YOU SAID TOMORROW, SO JUST(!) DO IT!" Burgerpants yelled at Mettaton at the top of his lungs, posing like Shia LaBeouf.

"YEAH, MAKE ME AND BURGERPANTS THE NEW LOL-CATS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, FOR THAT MATTER!" Catty yelled in agreement at Mettaton as the robot stroked his hair and continued.

"Hmm, very well then..." Mettaton sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Dear fellow Americans, we, as citizens of this wonderfully massive country where humans and monsters are now able to coexist in wonderful, peaceful harmony with other, are offended and suddenly feel the need to whine extensively about it on Tumblr because we have literally nothing better to do after how much society has clearly gone down the drain." Mettaton explained as he immediately got out his iPhone and shat out a massive Tumblr post about his new speech while everyone else irritatedly waited for him, placing their hands on their hips and tapping their feet.

"You know, he COULD have just posted it onto ME instead...probably would have been a lot faster!" Alphys, who was actually the other candidate for the current presidential election at the moment, muttered under her breath while Undyne struggled to hold back her anger.

TWO MINUTES LATER...

"Alright, look, everybody; there are quite a few extremely hostile countries out there that I clearly know absolutely nothing about apart from the bare-bones basics; naturally, of course, being about as spoiled, bratty and egotistical as one can get, I was very recently lent an admittedly small loan of one million dollars by Alphys." Mettaton explained.

"Now, now, call me a racist, bigoted asshole if you want, but personally, I think that the recent flood of Mexican labor workers in the Southern states is getting WAY out of hand!" Mettaton explained, pulling up a holographic map and zooming in on Texas as a prime example.

"OH MY GOD! WHO(!) THE HELL(!) CARES?" Undyne yelled at him, gritting her teeth.

"And if George W Bush's strategy of nuking all of the countries that have oil and ignoring all of the ones that don't more-or-less worked for HIM, then by God, I daresay it'll also work for ME too!" Mettaton chuckled while the entire audience shot up their middle fingers at him.

"iT DiDN'T eVeN fREAKING wORK FoR BUsH iN tHe FiRsT pLACe, yOU gODdAMNeD rEtARD!" Temmie yelled furiously at Mettaton, spitting out a huge hairball at him, which he luckily weaved out of the way of just in time with his lightning-fast mechanical reflexes.

"See? Even SHE knows!" Sans and Alphys yelled lividly at him, petting Temmie gently.

"Anyway, look: you know how China famously has the Great Wall Of China, and how Germany much more infamously had the Berlin Wall?" Mettaton asked.

"I don't like where this is going!" Burgerpants moved up into the front of the audience, lifted up his finger and warned Mettaton, beginning to break out into a cold sweat from how nervous he was.

"Well, my new plan for the USA/Mexico border is-"

"Stop." Burgerpants warned him.

"to build us our own very special MTT-brand-"

"Stop!" Burgerpants warned Mettaton more loudly, his eye twitching with suppressed rage.

"wall between the two countries to keep the skinheads out-"

"STOP!" Burgerpants yelled furiously at Mettaton as he leapt up the entrance stairway, put his hands on the robot's shoulders and shook him violently. "THIS NEEDS TO STOP NOW!"

"Don't you EVER tell ME how to live MY life, mister!" Mettaton snapped lividly at him, scooping him up into his arms and throwing him headfirst into Catty, where he landed right in her bosom.

"HELP ME...I CAN'T...BREATHE..." Burgerpants coughed and wheezed, gasping for air as his head was caught right in between his girlfriend's ever-so-plump and bulbous breasts!

"Aww, you want to sleep in there? Well, then, BE MY GUEST!" Catty giggled as she patted Burgerpants (whose face was already beginning to turn blue) on the back admiringly.

"And speaking of girls, I have a rather embarrassing confession to make here...I never really liked them all that much, apart from a very select few." Mettaton sighed, blushing deeply in shame.

"Neither did I..." Papyrus reluctantly admitted, hanging his head in shame.

"HA! GAYYY!" Sans cupped his hands and yelled through them as the entire audience burst out laughing in response, mainly due to how incredibly obvious Mettaton's gayness always had been.

"Oh, and just so you know...in the very few cases when he's actually NOT gay, he's usually just a plain old horsef%#&ing pedophile." Alphys whispered into Undyne's ear.

"Hey, I'm a pegasister myself and I'm greatly offended by that!" Undyne hissed at her in annoyance.

"So am I..." Alphys sighed, rolling her eyes and struggling to erase the horrific memories of Mettaton's entire house formerly having been decorated with My Little Pony toys from her mind.

"Anyway, seeing as how I'm probably one of the gayest people you'll ever meet outside of Japan, I've decided that female presidential candidates, especially clearly underaged ones, are an absolute cancerous DISEASE that needs to be immediately purged from existence!" Mettaton laughed while Alphys and Undyne (especially the former) seethed with rage.

"Well then, how the hell do you explain the fact that I'm so freaking smart that I was literally able to skip all the way from seventh-grade into freaking COLLEGE, as WELL as bypass the usual no-underaged-presidents-allowed rule?" Alphys asked him inquisitively, her eyebrows furrowing sternly as she glared piercingly and angrily into Mettaton's eyes.

"Damn, if looks could kill, then I swear to God I would literally be-" Mettaton muttered under his breath, suddenly becoming halted in mid-sentence as his batteries ran out, sending him toppling to the ground.

"HA HA HA, you ran out of batteries from running your mouth so much!" Burgerpants pointed and laughed at the unaware Mettaton's expense while his bodyguards filled him with an emergency power supply.

"Anyway, as I was saying..." Mettaton sighed as he woke back up and resumed his functionality.

"Go on..." Catty slyly teased him, cupping her boobs in her hands and wiggling them at him.

"GAH...anyway, as I was saying before, we as Americans have EVERY right to live in a firmly enclosed bubble where no one, and I repeat, NO ONE who isn't part of our precious, world-renowned master race will EVER be allowed to properly, respectably interact with us or experience the same cloyingly pampered treatment that we get!" Mettaton laughed as the audience threw numerous tomatoes and "METTATON SUCKS DICK" signs at him.

"I may greedily hoard my money like a filthy Jew, and eat copious amounts of lard like a Mexican, and utterly despise vegetables like a typical American, and look like something out of homoerotic Japanese anime, and spice things up like an Indian, and-"

"JUST STOP IT!" Sans yelled at him, his left eye glowing bright blue with rage. "This is NOT okay, man! This is CANCER! This is SO much cancer that I can feel the tumors GROWING on my spine, and it's weighing down HEAVILY on me, and it's NOT okay! Can you help a nigga out and just STOP this?!"

"So, uhh, does that mean you're supposed to be African Ameri- GOD DAMN IT, I DIDN'T FREAKING MEAN IT LIKE THAT, GAHH!" Mettaton screamed in terror as the audience suddenly pulled out a myriad of torches and pitchforks and chased him all the way out of the city.

THE NEXT DAY...

"Um...greetings, everyone!" Alphys stammered and giggled nervously with a rosy-pink blush on her face. "Anyway, constant fanboy gushing over my obvious cuteness aside, it has evidently come to my attention that this entire election is shaping up to be nothing more than a big tedious mess; an inceptional debate of whether me or him can make a bigger mess within a mess than the other, if you will." she explained while the audience scratched their heads in confusion.

"Anyway, you wanna know what I think about Mettaton?" Alphys asked the audience inquisitively, raising an eyebrow maliciously at them. "Quite frankly, I don't give a damn about his shallow, firmly-restricted-to-surface-level handsomeness; hell, in terms of his actual personality, I would argue that he's a f$&#ing no-good, spoiled rotten, racist, bigoted, egomaniacal, power-hungry, miserly, sexist, cheating, horsef%# ing, pedophilic little BRAT!"

MEANWHILE, AS METTATON WAS WATCHING THE SPEECH ON TELEVISION...

"NOBODY'S GONNA MESS WITH US!" Mettaton whined and cried loudly in his playroom, jumping up and down, rolling around on the floor, banging his fists and feet on the floor, and throwing/kicking his toys all over the place in frustration as he rudely shat in his diaper compartment in a fit of rage; a f%# ing three-year-old political temper tantrum, if you will. "AMERICA WILL HAVE THE PLAYGROUND ALL TO ITSELF, WITH THE SLIDES AND MONKEY-BARS AND HORSIES AND MERRY-GO-ROUNDS AND BOUNCY BALLS AND EVERYTHING!"

"For Christ's sake, HOW f%# ing old are you again?" Burgerpants groaned, sneering at him at disgust as he walked into the room and shut Mettaton's TV off, catching his rattle in mid-toss right before it was able to hit the screen (and therefore break it, presumably enough).

"Technically, I actually AM three years old, but in terms of what age people are supposed to view me as, I'm somewhere between my thirties and seventies!" Mettaton sighed, whimpering and sniffling as he blew his snot-plugged nose into his Barney handkerchief, tossed it on the floor for his other maid to pick up later, grabbed his teddy bear and snuggled with it to calm himself down.

"Oh, wait, you're actually SERIOUS?" Burgerpants snickered, his face violently contorting, shriveling up and turning purple from how hard he was trying to hold back his laughter.

"Um...YES?" Mettaton whimpered as he curled up into fetal position in his crib and sucked his thumb while his other maid (Bratty, Catty's future girlfriend) came in and began gently rocking him back and forth while singing lullabies clearly meant for babies and toddlers to him.

"GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Burgerpants busted out into a rampant fit of hysterical laughter, rolling on the floor and pounding his fists and feet on the floor as waterfalls of bittersweet tears began fervently streaming from both of his eyes.

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE SPEECH...

"Anyway, you get the idea." Alphys sighed, groaning in disgust at the thought of what sort of atrocious temper tantrum Mettaton was probably throwing all over Tumblr at the moment. "Basically, what I'm trying to express here is that this worthless piece of s#%& needs to be stopped, even if we end up having to resort to incredibly questionable means."

"Don't you mean incredibly questionable MEMES?" Sans piped up from the sidelines.

"That, too..." Alphys sighed, facepalming herself in preparation for the following election.

OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS...

"MAKE AMERICA SKINNY AGAIN! ONE SLAP AT A TIME!" Mettaton laughed as his sponsors passed out an incredibly outdated infomercial product (Slap Chop) to his audience.

"Let's make Mettaton Pokémon GO to JAIL! No passing off Pokémon GO as a real game, no collecting $200,000 in television/Youtube ad revenue, no screaming into microphones and pretending it's something meaningful rather than just mindless brain-dead entertainment, F%#^ING JAIL!" Alphys laughed maniacally, breaking an iPhone over her knee and burning a Nintendo banner with her torch-lighter in front of the entire wildly cheering audience.

"That was for f%#&ing taking down the Metroid 2 remake, ASSHOLES!" Alphys yelled at them.

"Let's take all of our hard-working immigrants AND PUSH THEM SOMEWHERE ELSE!" Mettaton yelled dramatically, gesturing symbolically with his hands while the entire crowd cheered loudly in applause of his wacky, goofy antics.

"I swear to God, if it brings us freedom and respect from other nations, then I will literally FUSE myself together with Mettaton and turn us into one great big horrifying eldritch abomination, JUST so that the two of us can FINALLY agree with other on what's RIGHT!" Alphys yelled valiantly, raising her fist in the air and slamming it on her microphone stand as the crowd went wild.

"That's NOT going to work at ALL, you know..." Sans, who was literally the only member of the audience that hadn't ran away screaming in horror yet, facepalmed himself and sighed.

"You wanna know what I have to say to all of these stupid poopy-headed terrorists?" Mettaton asked the crowd angrily, clutching his microphone stand tightly with suppressed rage.

"GO AHEAD AND ATTACK US, SEE IF I F%# ING CARE!" Mettaton rolled on the floor and laughed maniacally, literally pulling the exact same Iron Man 3 that George W Bush had.

THREE YEARS LATER...

"Well, NOW look what you've done!" Alphys roared, slapping Mettaton across the face so hard that it knocked several of his teeth out as the two of them reluctantly met up with each other on the post-apocalyptic, radioactive wreckage of the White House's entrance. "America is LITERALLY the real-life equivalent to Hell on Earth now. I really DO hope you're freaking happy!"

"Um...would you like some poisonous, highly radioactive Nuka Cola to cheer you up?" Mettaton asked as his real-life counterpart went around the room and removed everyone's helmets.

"GO. F#%$. YOURSELF." the entire class told him in unison as they all returned back to reality.

"What, was it something I SAID?" Mettaton laughed nervously, fiddling with his hair as the entire class grumpily walked out of the room, glaring evilly at him in the process.

CHAPTER 4

AFTER ALPHYS AND THE GANG HAD FINALLY FINISHED GOING OVER ALL OF THE CRAZY SH%# THAT THEY HAD JUST BEEN THROUGH AT LUNCH...

"Greetings...everyone...I'll be your new...cooking teacher...for the year...oh no..." Napstablook, who was now temporarily inhabiting his Mettaton-EX-like robot body, greeted the class miserably as he meekly, exhaustedly waved his hand at them and slowly got up out of his chair.

"Oh, for the love of f^#%, please don't tell me there's going to be even MORE of that f%#^ing VR s#& !" Alphys growled in frustration, gently banging her head against the desk and sobbing.

"Luckily...not...thank god..." Napstablook sighed as he went over to the cabinets and slowly but surely began getting out all of the required tools and ingredients for the cooking procedures.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

"Okay...I'm done..." Napstablook moaned as he FINALLY finished setting up all of the equipment atop the table, reluctantly beckoning everyone to come over and begin throwing stuff together.

"YAY!" all of the students jumped for joy, leaping out of their seats and bolting right over to the kitchen tables in a fit of excitement! "FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT'S ACTUALLY REAL AND NOT VIRTUALLY SCRIPTED!"

"Alright, so...you'll be making a cake...you'll need...cups of butter...flour...sugar...frosting...icing...fish-shaped crackers...Nutella...wedding decorations...blah...blah...blah..." Napstablook began pointlessly rambling.

"Just so you guys know, he's never going to stop, okay?" Mettaton leaned in through the doorway and reminded the students as they all glared angrily at him in response.

"Well, in that case...let's make things INTERESTING! GWEHEHEHEHE!" Muffet cackled mischievously, rubbing her hands together evilly and licking her lips as she glanced over at Alphys.

"Oh, don't you freaking DARE!" Undyne warned her, brandishing her spear at her.

"gUYS! TeMMiE iS gETTiNG vERy HuNGRy!" Temmie whined and pouted miserably.

"What the f%#& is even my purpose in this story?" Frisk groaned, facepalming himself.

"To keep all of the other characters from feeling BONELY, I suppose?" Sans shrugged.

"Honestly, I've got nothing...well, aside from NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus laughed for literally no apparent reason, patting both Frisk and Sans on the back and chuckling awkwardly.

"You know, speaking of BONELY..." Burgerpants leaned over and teased Catty, who then responded by immediately slapping him upside the face. "Ow, what was THAT for?"

"Nyeh heh heh..." Papyrus chuckled under his breath.

"Alright, now it's time for us to FINALLY get right down to business and make this cake the BEST cake that has EVER been made!" Papyrus laughed, holding his finger straight up in the air and posing heroically while everyone around him just awkwardly stared at him.

"Alright, so, first we add the chocolate cake mix..." Alphys sighed, walking over to the pantry, pulling out the cake mix that literally everyone else in the classroom had somehow completely forgotten about, and pouring it into the large plastic bowl that Napstablook had just set on the table.

"And then we add the FLOUR..." Papyrus chuckled as he poured the flour on top of the cake mix while it was still in the bowl, having no idea whether or not that was actually the right order.

"And then we add the KETCHUP AND MUSTARD!" Burgerpants yelled spastically as he pulled out bottles of said condiments from the cabinets (one of each condiment for each hand, obviously) and poured copiously large amounts of each into the mix.

"Oh, and while we're at it, let's not forget the GUMMY WORMS!" Muffet cackled as she pulled out a large bag of blood-flavored gummy worms from her pockets and dumped it right in.

"And...the sugar...obviously..." Napstablook groaned as he slowly but surely poured in an extremely excessive amount of sugar to add that little extra pinch of flavor into the mix.

"Let's not forget the SHREDDED-UP UNDERTAIL FANART!" Undyne laughed maniacally, taking the remains of her insertion of several results from searching her future self up on Google Images into the local paper shredder, ripping them up viciously, and sprinkling them in without a second thought.

"oR ThE tEMMiE fLaKEs!" Temmie giggled as she playfully pulled out a whole bunch of Temmie Flakes (in other words, shredded bits of construction paper) and sprinkled them in frantically.

"Well, I suppose if we're going to add the ketchup and mustard, then we might as well add some RELISH while we're at it!" Sans snickered snidely as he grabbed a jar of relish out of the cabinets and excitedly shoveled the soggy green slime into the bowl with his hands.

"Now for the eggs..." Frisk sighed, rolling their eyes as they cracked them open and poured them in, unable to believe that this was seriously being added as the second-to-last ingredient.

"And last but not least, how's about some good old-fashioned chocolate-flavored POTATO chips?" Catty laughed as she took out a bag of...please tell me this is a typo...chocolate-flavored potato chips from the pantry and scooped some out into the bowl.

"And now for the coup-de-grace; exactly 1.5346281754893267-"

"GODDAMNIT, PAPYRUS, SHUT THE HELL UP!" Sans yelled at Papyrus, snatching the measuring cup out of his hands, filling it up to exactly two cups of water with the faucet, and pouring it into the bowl. "See? You SEE how much freaking easier that is?!"

"Now MIX IT!" Alphys screamed in Frisk's ear as she handed them an egg beater.

"Wow...how incredibly...messy..." Napstablook sighed as Frisk blankly stared at the disgusting, slimy and profoundly putrid mishmash of random food ingredients that was currently splattering all over their face while everyone else gawked in amazement at it.

"Gosh, what an utterly ASTONISHING work of culinary art! Why, I could just KISS it! EEE!" Papyrus squealed with joy, tossing in some finely aged, silken spaghetti noodles from his pocket just to add that certain special Papyrus charm to it as Napstablook inserted...whatever the hell this jumbled pile of slop was supposed to be...into the oven somewhat disgustedly.

"Oh, well...at least you...made SOMETHING...for Toriel's and Asgore's marriage..." Napstablook sighed, moping his way over to the bathroom and locking himself inside for crying purposes.

"Something for WHAT?!" all nine of the students screamed and put their hands over their mouths in terror. "Oh god, what are we going to do, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!"

A FEW MINUTES LATER, AT THE GYM...

"Okay, let's just forget about that absolute culinary disaster we threw together in cooking class, let's just have fun now!" Papyrus laughed as the very first basketball game of the year began.

The teams were arranged as follows:

The blue team, which was on the left side of the court, was comprised of Alphys, Sans, Papyrus, Frisk and Burgerpants.

The red team, which was on the right side, was comprised of Undyne, Catty, Muffet, Temmie and...Gaster?!

"Greetings, young apprentices; I have arrived." Gaster chuckled as the ball was served into the middle of the field; sure enough, Sans was the very first person to grab it!

"Brother, I'm right here! Pass it to me! PASS IT TO ME!" Papyrus yelled to get Sans' attention as the latter was surrounded on all sides by Muffet, Gaster and Temmie!

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Sans laughed as he used his telekinetic powers to hurl the ball straight to Papyrus...but alas, it was intercepted in midair by Undyne!

"HALT! Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING gets past the great PAPYRUS!" Papyrus laughed cockily as he tackled Undyne onto the ground and engaged in a bone-to-spear fight against her over the ball, ironically knocking said ball right out of their grip!

"HA! GOTCHA!" Alphys laughed as she caught the ball with her tail and spun around in a circle, hitting the surrounding Catty, Muffet and Temmie right in the face with it and sending them flying backwards from the impact as she scooped it up into her hands!

"wHO iS ThE mASTeR WHo MaKEs TeMMiE's GRaSS gREEn?" Temmie slurred dizzily, twirling around in a circle and collapsing unconsciously onto the floor as her eyes cartoonishly swirled around in circles. (Hint: Catty and Muffet pretty much did the exact same.)

"HA! Here comes the COOL CAT, sucka!" Burgerpants chuckled as he did a frontflip right over Alphys and somehow snatched the ball right out of her hands in mid-flip...only to then immediately get grabbed by the tail and slammed into the floor face-first BY Alphys!

"I...deserved that..." Burgerpants weakly held his finger up and grunted before passing out; meanwhile, Undyne had already managed to beat both Papyrus AND Frisk unconscious as she charged straight toward her beloved lizard girlfriend with all of her astonishing might!

"SO LONG, MY GAY WEEABOO FRIEND!" Undyne laughed as she grabbed Alphys by the tail, swung her around and around at the speed of sound, and hurled her straight into the nearest wall, where she then ended up bouncing off several walls with the ball held tightly in her outsretched arms before finally coming right back to Undyne and htting her so hard that it sent her and Alphys herself flying all the way through the brick wall between the red-team goal on the right side of the court and into the corresponding locker room for said team!

"Alright, looks like it's about time we had ourselves a tiebreaker." Sans sighed as he pulled the ball out from the massive hole that Alphys and Undyne had just left in the wall while the two of them were scooped up onto a stretcher bed by Nice Cream Guy and Bratty and hauled off to the nurse's office.

"Birds are singing...flowers are blooming-"

"Oh, for God's sake, ENOUGH with that sh#%!" Gaster groaned, rolling his eyes. "Are we going to finally settle this surprisingly heated conflict amongst ourselves, or aren't we?"

Realizing that he stood absolutely no chance against someone as tall (and as powerful) as Gaster in a fair match of one-on-one basketball, Sans simply...surrendered?

"Go ahead and take the ball. Hell, you can even make yourself a slam dunk for all I care. Seriously, I give up, you win, alright? Just do it. Don't let your dreams be dreams, okay?" Sans snickered and winked snidely at his father as he dropped the ball nonchalantly onto the ground and stepped away from it.

"Ugh...FINE..." Gaster groaned as he reluctantly picked the ball up the floor, rapidly sprinted his way to the blue-team goal all the way over on the opposite side of the court and jumped as high as he could into the air in preparation for a backboard-shattering slam dunk, when suddenly...

"PSYCHE!" Sans snickered trollishly at Gaster, teleporting right up in front of him, kicking him right in the crotch and stealing his ball literally RIGHT at the exact moment when he was about to dunk it!

"GET DUNKED ON!" Sans laughed hysterically as he then teleported all the way back over to Gaster's side of the court while still in midair and used his telekinetic powers to dunk the ball right into the net so hard that it caused the entire glass backboard behind the hoop to shatter!

"You really ARE quite the douche at times, you know that?" Gaster groaned, patting Sans on the head while the fat little skeleton rolled on the floor laughing himself to tears at his own father's expense.

"I am, and I LOVE it!" Sans laughed as Gaster irritatedly walked out of the gym, telekinetically dragging Sans along behind him into the next-period classroom...his very own Biology lab!