A lil teaser

Story by Golgolocks on SoFurry

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So... a book of mine is WIP, and taking a lot of time. After proofreading and having the first chapter proofread, I thought I'd share it here. All criticism is highly wanted and needed, i want to improve my writing as much as i can!


The world was an unusual one. Heroes rose, and fell, villains came and went, the general populous rarely ever noticed what was going on behind the scenes. On one hand, public unrest was at an all time low, on the other hand, when they actually found out, they just got scared. The Giant city that was the pulsating heart of trade and life was a giant lump of brick, coal, and metal, with only an elevated district of the more rich, made of marble, breaking the mold of black and brown. Sadly, though, the ash and sudd covered the marble, making it rather grey than the shining white that it should be. The worst of it all was the people in the lower district. They were poor, used as a workforce, only differing from slaves by the way they are dressed and paid. They were paid less than a child working under normal conditions, but more than a slave, wich don't get paid at all. Child labor itself was not a usual sight there, as children would be unable to do the work where it was needed, smithing, fighting, and cooking. Humans are an awful race, and without knowing, in dabbling with a new energy source, a material of slight pink color that was found in the coal mines, they sealed not only their fates but the fates of every living being on the planet. This is how the hybrids were brought into the world. No man and animal were able to create a son or daughter together, but when man and woman got together, sometimes, instead of a healthy human baby, what was at first considered an abomination came out. The children, odd, and to the human eyes misshapen, shared features of animals, but walked on hind legs, and could speak and think like any human. There were wolves, sheep, lizards, fish, and many more amongst them, the animal seemingly random. For the first few weeks, they were discarded, burned alive, considered abominations of satan, and forbidden to be brought up like a child by the church. But as the weeks went on and on, and more and more beast were born of humans, the church lost power. But still, many of the parents saw only beasts in the children and abandoned them. Often, those would end up on the streets, or in an orphanage. Rarely, if ever, was a child accepted by its parents when it was born like the hybrids.

Two years after the first one was born, yet another one was born to two human parents. A young boy it was, healthy, and strong, but a long snake. He was a naga, a snake with a humanoid upper body, and a snake's head. His scales are white and milky, his arms and body thin, and lithe, but healthy. His eyes are of a soft pink color, and between every scale, there was a soft pink stripe, where the scale has not fully grown over the one below it. He looks to his mother, a black haired woman with soft, hanging breast, of a rather old age, wich looks sad and pained, to have birthed a snake like that, as long as a nightstand would be tall. The father of the reptile was a strong, red-haired bricklayer, who slaps the woman in the face once the child is fully out, screaming something the young boy couldn't understand. The nurse and the paid doctor are standing back afraid, cleaning the snake quickly, and with disgust, before putting him down in the crib on his own, where he cries loudly, searching for affection, but not getting any. Neither is his mother, who gets screamed at and beaten by the man, leaving her bruised and bloodied by the time he was done. He then walks over to the crib, and spits into it, before walking out of the room, shouting to the doctor something, who then sighs, and walks to the child, showing a tiny bit of regret, while the nurse cares for the mother. The doctor takes the child, and carries it, out of the building, and behind the house, where he puts him down on the floor. He walks to a shed, and then back to the child, holding a woodcutter's axe in his hand, the knuckles bare and white, so hard was he holding it. The innocent child looks up at him and starts to cry as the man prepares to swing. Even though he is a grown man, a single tear runs down his face, and he drops the axe, while it still was behind him, before bending down, and picking the child up, hugging him a bit. Softly rocking him back and forth, he covers it in a warm blanket and runs through the streets, still in his doctors uniform. Still slightly crying, the boy grips onto him, as the man is running. A quarter of an hour later, the man arrives at his destination, a large orphanage, where he knocks at the door, and sets the boy down in front of the door, before running away again. Innocent and helpless, the boy waits outside the door, wich slowly opens, as a woman gasps out, and slowly moves down, her face coming into view of the child, surrounded by the light of the candles behind her. Afraid, seeking for love, he reaches out his arms to her, smiling a tiny bit, embracing the woman, who brings him into his new home.