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Disclaimer: Any copyrighted names I used belong to their respective owners and I was not paid to use them. Also, users here had their names either used with permission, or they didn’t care. And finally, I don’t advocate using drugs, so don’t. Drugs are bad, mm’kay? Lolz, South Park reference. **************Sigh, so where did I leave off? Oh right. So anyway, NightWolvz didn’t really have a lethal dose of LSD in him, he was just exhausted from drinking too much and playing Modern Warfare 2 till 3 A.M. So this whole *ing trip had been a complete waste of time. And I got a mild head injury for nothing. As for Sylvr and Product 59, they ended up causing a huge traffic jam by throwing grenades onto the highway, thus allowing them to escape as a blockade of blown up cars piled up behind them and delayed the LCPD. So the next day when I got back from the hospital with John I got back to work and finished chapter 5 of My Great Big Brother. Great, I thought, now I’m halfway done. So then I decided to go play some Modern Warfare 2 with John (AKA NightWolvz).(Cue the intro music from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia cause that really works with the theme of this series. =] )Me- Talk to corporate!NightWolvz- Like a boss!Me- Approve memos!NW- Like a boss!(Gun fire) NW- Fuck, you killed me you little cunt!Me- Like a boss!(Enter Sylvr) Sylvr- Ugh, for the love of God, Kyle, stop singing Like a Boss! You’ve had that song stuck in your head for three hours now. Just shut up already.Me- (Flattens ears and growls) You know it’s my name that’s on the lease. You guys just paid me in cash. If I wanted, I could call the cops and have you all kicked out. Syl- You can’t do that! Product and I are wanted criminals after that incident on the Bohan expressway! Me- Alright then, don’t tell me to shut up. Syl- You’re a dick, you know that?Me- True, but I’m a dick with 91 watchers, a story with over 6,000 views, and I’m friends with a guy who should be in rehab but isn’t. So yeah, my life’s awesome.NW- Heeeeeeyyyyyy, I don’t need to be in rehab. I just had a little too much last night, and then it got mixed with some acid. I’d like to see you live through that.Me- True, true. How’s your head anyway? NW- Still hurts. I think the LSD is giving me an Uber Hangover. How’s the concussion?Me- Well, I still get dizzy when I stand up, but other than that I just have a mild headache.Syl- What are you two, headache buddies?Me- Yeah dude, that’s exactly what we are. (Points to self) WE SURVIVED FALLING OUT OF A CAR GOING 45 WITH THE COPS ON OUR TAILS! You can’t forge a stronger bond than that between two guys.Syl- But you told me you won’t even subscribe to his YouTube channel.NW- What! You bastard, you told me my videos were good!Me- They are, it’s just I don’t think I’d want to subscribe to those kinda things. I’m not into raves or whatever that stuff is.NW- You know what? F*k you dude, fk you! I’m outta here.Me- (Throws up paws) Oh that’s real mature! Just walking away! NW- Sylvr, where’s your keys. I need to borrow your truck to go get some Bud Light.Syl- Sorry dude, but I found a skycrane helicopter this morning and used it to park my truck on the roof of the building next door.NW- Ummmm, why the fk did you do that?Syl- I have my reasons. NW- Man, did you take some of that LSD Product bought? Fine, I’ll go get a taxi. Great, now I gotta pay cab fare. St. ******Anyway, later that day I called wolf421 and his wife Lady Shandi Dracul. Before my vacation started I had arranged for them to swing by the penthouse for a couple of days and give me some insight into my stories. I had no idea that would lead to me almost getting kicked out of the penthouse, wolf421 almost getting killed, and Sylvr losing his brand new Dodge truck. *****3:00 P.M.Me- Damn it John! I told you to use a coaster when you put your drink on the coffee table!NW- Chilax dude. Jeez, you’re getting to be worse than my mom.Me- I still don’t have herpes.NW- HEY!Sylvr- Soooo, why are you flipping out like this again?Me- Because wolf421 and Lady Shandi are gonna be here, and I want the place to look nice.NW- Should I make some Cheese It nachos for them?Me- I thought you said you hated those things.NW- I did, but I think the LSD yiffed with my taste buds because now I can’t get enough of them. And for some reason my Bud Light tastes like apple juice.Me- That’s because that is apple juice.NW- (Sniffs glass) Huh. Why am I just noticing this now?Me- (Rolls eyes) (Buzzer rings) Me- (runs over to answer it) Yeah?Wolf421- It’s me and Lady Shandi. That you Arctic?Me- Yeah, come on up!NW- They here yet?Me- Yeah, that’s them. (Sniffs) Is someone baking something?NW- Yeah, I got some brownies in the oven.Me- Since when do you cook?NW- Since when do you care?Me- Ugh, forget it. Just don’t forget about them, okay? The last thing I need is for them to burn and funk-ify the whole penthouse.NW- No probs.Me- Hey, where’s Product 59 anyway? I haven’t seen him all day?Sylvr- He had me drop him off at the strip club over in east Bohan. He said he’d catch a cab back.NW- (Watching commercials when a Go Daddy.com add comes on) Aww, dude. Did you see how hot the girls in that add were?Me- Umm, yeah I don’t really care. I try not to look at those things since I have a girlfriend.NW- Man you’re such a prude. I’ve got so much wood right now it’d make a lumber jack have an orgasm.Me- DUDE! WHAT THE FK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!Sylvr- That is pretty messed up, man. NW- You guys need to learn to lighten up. Anyway, I’m gonna go chop some firewood…so to speak.Me- Lock the door, and keep the noise down or I’m gonna personally throw you out the window. Got it?NW- Yeah, whatever. (goes off to his room)(Knock at door) Sylvr- I’m gonna go do something cool, so I’ll leave you to talk with wolf421 and Lady Shandi, okay?Me- Yeah, thanks man. Sylvr- (Goes and opens the door) Hey guys. Kyle’s waiting over in the living room for yah. (Leaves)Me- Hey, you guys made it!Wolf- Of course, I’d jump at the chance to read your stories before everyone else on yiffstar. Lady Shandi- So what did you need help with?Me- Well, first I thought I’d let you see chapter 5, and then I was gonna kick around some ideas for the other chapters with you. Sound good?LS- Sure. Wolf- Sounds fine to me.Me- Umm, hold on. Can I get you two anything to drink? I just bought some iced tea and Bud Light.LS- Tea sounds good.Wolf- I’ll take one of those Bud Lights.Me- Got it. Here, this is a printout of chapter 5. You can just read over that and …(Hears oven timer go off) Excuse me. (Runs down the hall to NightWolvz’s room) Dude, your brownies are done. NW- Kinda busy in here, dude. Me- Ugh, fine I’ll get them. (Runs off to kitchen, finds oven mitts and removes brownies from oven). Wow, John actually did a pretty good job with these. You know what? I’m gonna serve some of them to wolf421 and Lady Shandi. That’ll serve him right for pawing off while I have important guests in the house. (Cuts up brownies and puts a few on a plate, then grabs can of Bud Light and pours glass of tea)Me- Okay guys, here are your drinks. And I’ll be right back, I just finished making some brownies too.LS- You didn’t have to do all this for us, that’s very kind of you.Me- Well, to be honest I didn’t make the brownies, my roommate did. Wolf- Oh yeah? What’s he doing right now?Me- You don’t wanna know.Wolf- Umm, okay?Me- (Leaves and returns with brownies) Okay, here guys go.Wolf- Thanks man.LS- Thanks, but we’re going out to eat after we’re here. I don’t want to ruin my appetite.Wolf- (Takes a bite) Damn! You say your roommate made these? They’re fking fantastic.Me- I’ll be sure to tell him that. Anyway, what’d you guys think of my story so far?LS- I thought it was great! The plot moved quickly, and I loved that cute scene where they sort of confess their feelings for each other. Very touching.Wolf- My gods, this thing is great.LS- Honey, he doesn’t want to hear about the brownie. What’d you think of the story?Wolf- It’s as good as this brownie. Seriously. Hey, if your roommate won’t give me the recipe can I take a few of these with me?LS- What has gotten into you? You never tell me my cooking is this good.Wolf- Whoa…yeah but your cooking doesn’t make me feel dizzy. I think there must be a lot of sugar in it or something…oooiii.Me- Huh, well I guess I might as well taste one. NW- (Enters) Hey Kyle, I just used the last of the tissues in my room and…WHOA DON’T EAT THAT! (Smacks brownie from my paw) Me- Hey! What the heck man?NW- You can’t eat that!Me- Why?NW- Because I put the rest of that LSD Product bought into the batter so I could get him sick on it!Me-…..you what now?LS- There’s LSD in these?Wolf- Oh. My. God. I ate like five of those things! What’s gonna happen?Me- Quick, we need to get him to the hospital before he slips into a coma!(Enter Product 59) Hey guys I’m back. Oh, sorry Kyle I didn’t know you had company.NW- Here dude, I made you some brownies while you were gone.P59- Um, thanks? (Takes a bite)Me- Whoa! Wait a sec don’t eat that!P59- (Talks with mouth full) Why noff?Me- Because John laced it with LSD.P59- PHOOGH! (Spits out brownie) What the hell man? What kind of a sick joke is that!NW- Well first, thanks for ruining my revenge Kyle! And as for you Product, I’d like to ask you the same thing! What were you thinking when you spiked my beer last night?Wolf- Ugh…guys I don’t want to get in the way of this…but…awwww wicked! Kyle how’d you get your furniture to stay on the ceiling like that? I love how the whole room feels like it’s upside down.LS- Oh my God, Kyle we need to get him outta here!Wolf- It’s okay guys…I can get out myself. (Walks over to window and bumps into it). Huh? There’s something blocking me from getting outside. (Falls down)Me- That’s a window dude. Come on, I’ll help you up and hail a cab for you.Wolf- Whoa…look at that flying truck out there.Me- Yeah yeah, flying…truck? (Here’s engine revving and looks out window to actually see a pickup truck flying through the air straight towards the window). HOLY ST! (Quickly drags wolf421 away just in time as truck crashes through the window and lands in the living room).(Sylvr exits from truck cab) WOOOHOOO! Man I didn’t think that would work! (Looks over to see wolf421) What happened to him?Me- He’s tripping balls on acid. BUT WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU! Sylvr- What do you mean? Me- How’d you get a truck to fly like that?Sylvr- Oh. That. Yeah, I went out and accidently rear ended a cop. And I didn’t want to get arrested so I just ran and he started to shoot at me, so I had to kill him. And that just pissed more of the cops off, so I ran around and found a helicopter. Then I flew onto the roof where I parked my truck and I drove it off and into the penthouse. Me- Whoa, dude your truck’s rolling backwards!Sylvr- (Notices truck rolling towards hole in the side of the building). Oh crap I forgot to pull the parking brake!(Truck ends up rolling out the window and falls down into the street, where it blows up along with several other cars in the road)Me and Sylvr- (Sticks our heads out of the hole so we can view the carnage below us) Uh oh!Sylvr- Man, my brand new truck! Me- What’d you think was gonna happen when you drove it off the roof? How were you gonna get it out of the penthouse?Sylvr- I didn’t think that far ahead, okay? I thought’d it be cool to do some st I can’t do back home. LS- Umm, my husband is unconscious, and it looks like the cops are coming here.Sylvr- Oh crap, I gotta jet.P59- Hey, where you going man?Sylvr- Anywhere but here!(Exit Sylvr)LS- Come on guys! We need to get him to the hospital!Me- Right. John, go downstairs and hail a cab. Product, help me carry him to the elevator.P59- Righto. (Helps me lift Wofl421 up)LS- Careful, don’t drop him!P59- Hey, hey, I think we got… (loses grip and wolf421’s head smacks into the floor)…this.Me- Nice one dude.P59- Shut up! It’s not my fault he’s heavy.LS- You drop my husband again and I’ll chop your nuts off, got it?P59- Yeah yeah, got it. Why don’t you go hold the elevator for us, a’ight? *******DownstairsMe- John, where’s the cab.NW- What cab? Sylvr’s dead truck has the whole street backed up.Me- Damn it. (Deep breath) Here we go again. John, take wolf421’s legs and carry him. (Draws Desert Eagle)NW- Umm, what are you doing? (Takes wolf421’s legs). Me- Getting us a ride. (Walks over to a Buccaneer stopped at a red light). (Points gun at driver) You, out of the car now! Driver- WHOA! Get the fk away from me ahole! (Drives in reverse only to back into a burning car, knocking himself out).Me- (Runs over and pulls unconscious driver out). Okay, let’s move!(Everyone piles into the car and we speed off)**********The next dayMe- (Talking with John) Well, I just got off the phone with Lady Shandi. Wolf421 is alive, but now he’s being held by the LCPD for questioning. NW- Not my problem, Product’s the one who stole the acid.Me- Yeah, apparently Wolf421 mixed him up with you, so now there’s a citywide fur hunt for him.NW- Any chance they’ll find him?Me- Nah, he and Sylvr are camped out on top of a building next door. The cops never look there.NW- Cool. Wanna go to Cluckin’ Bell?(Knock at door)Me- (Answers door to find landlord Huang Lee there) Mr. Lee?Lee- WHAT YOU DO? WHY HOLE IN SIDE OF BUILDING?Me- I…it wasn’t me! My roommate drove his truck off the roof of the building next door and into the living room.Lee- WHAT YOU MEAN DRIVE OFF ROOF?Me- I mean he literally drove his truck off the roof of the building next door…Lee- YOU THINK ME STUPID? THAT IT! YOU GO NOW! PACK UP! LEAVE IN TEN MINUTE OR I CALL COPS! Me- I’m gonna need more than ten minutes to leave, sir but… can’t I just pay for the damages and not get kicked out?Lee- I SAY YOU LEAVE NOW OR I GO GET GUN!Me- Whoa dude, just calm down. I’m leaving, okay?NW- (Walks up and shoots Lee in the arm with a MAC-10)Me- WHOA! Dude, what the hell are you doing?Lee- AAARRRGGHH! PLEASE! NO SHOOT HUANG!NW- I â€NO SHOOT†if you don’t call the cops, and you refund Kyle’s money, capiche? Lee- YES, YES! OKAY! YOU NO HAVE TO PAY! JUST LEAVE!NW- Will do. C’mon Kyle, let’s get packing. (Slams door)Me- You’re just gonna leave him bleeding out in the hall like that?NW- Ummmmm, now that you mention it, I probably should go kneecap him so he gets the message.Me- NO! (Exasperated sigh) Just…pack up…and get me a frigging cab. Okay?NW- Can I finish off the beer in the fridge?Me- NO!NW- What about the meat lover’s pizza?Me- NO!NW- Can I at least use the bathroom one last time.Me- Okay, that you can do.NW- Suh-weet!********Thirty Minutes LaterMe- Okay, I’m all packed. You ready to go?NW- Not quite. Me- What’s taking you so long to get ready?NW- Sorry, I’ve been getting back at Mr. Lee for kicking us out.Me- You what?NW- Yeah, I pissed in the toilet tank, removed the elbow pipes from under the sink, and wrote â€Eff China†in shaving cream on the mirror.Me-……you know what? I’m too tired to care about that. NW- What are we gonna do with Sylvr and Product’s stuff?Me- They didn’t unpack much so just help me carry their bags to the cab. I called Bellic Car Service, so we’ll actually have a car this time. (Hears smoke alarm going off) Please tell me that wasn’t you.NW- It wasn’t me. Me- You’re lying right?NW- Of course. I left a can of hairspray in the oven.Me- What?(KA-BLAMO)Me- Holy crap! The kitchen’s on fire! NW- Damn, it wasn’t supposed to blow up like that!Me- (Notices broken pipe) Oh my God, that’s because the idiot Eastern European builders here put a gas main right next to the oven!NW- OH S*T!Me- C’mon we gotta go now!(Both grab bags and rush outside to find Bellic Car Service taxi waiting for them) Me- (Throws bags in and hops in back with John)Driver- Where you going?Me- JUST DRIVE THE HELL AWAY FROM HERE!Driver- Umm…okay.(Speeds off)NW- Soooooo, a gas main is important right?(Huge explosion as the 50th floor goes up in flames)Me- Judging by that explosion…yeah.NW-This hasn’t been one of our better days has it?Me- Nope.NW- Wait…AWW DAMN!Me- What?NW- I still had a six pack of Bud Light in the fridge.Me- (Groans) Bringing you along was a bigger mistake than the one your mother made when she thought she wasn’t in heat.NW- HEY! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! (Punches me)Me- (I punch him back and we get into a fight)Driver- Hey, settle down back there!Me- (Tries to kick John, but he deflects kick into the driver’s head. Car goes out of control and crashes into an LCPD cruiser) Uh oh.Cop- Alright you two, out of the car!(More cops arrive)NW- Great, I wonder jail’s gonna be like.Me- So long as I don’t get stuck in the same cell as you it’ll be better than out here.(Cue the outro song from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)