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My room stood at the back of my parents house, and crammed within was my entire life. "SUPERFOX!" Posters hung on the wall from when I was twelve, and on the shelves which lined the walls sat dozens of nic-nacs ranging from a set of baoding balls to a huge collection of video games and plushies. The room was cool, even in the oppressive July heat, and the scent of all my years here lingered in the air.

The closet was a big thing, easily able to fit two foxes (not that I'd ever tried or anything!), plus all my clothes and things I hadn't seen since I was a cub. "Milan," I hear Linda's voice through the thin wall of the closet. I perk my ears, curious to overhear their conversation. "I'm sorry about everything...if you need anything, Forrest and I would be happy to give you a paw." She pauses, and I think I hear Milan saying something I can't make out. "Well," Linda continues, "You could stay here. You shouldn't be in that big house alone." I shake my head. He's not alone if I'm there -- I'm not sure why I think that, though. I can't be there all the time...can I?

I find my suit buried in the back and wriggle my way back out. "Guess I'll be staying here for a while," I can almost hear the grin in Milan's voice. "Linda wants to keep an eye on me. You too, probably." I chuckle, emerging with my suit in hand. It's nothing special, just a standard black suit. "I remember that suit," Milan starts, "You wore it to prom senior year. You look so damn good in it." I feel my ears and cheeks flush.

"I thought you weren't gay." My tone is teasey, maybe overly sexy, but the hell with it. "Yeah...well, you still look better than any girl I've ever seen." Oh my god. I can feel the smile across my face, I can feel my tail wagging. It really isn't like him to be such a sap. He steps up to me and wraps his arms around me, planting a kiss between my ear. I savor the moment, pressed against him, until we're interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door.

"Toby! Your brother just pulled in." Linda's voice reached through the door, pulling me apart from Milan. Before I knew it, I was sprinting across the house to the door. It reminded me of when we were younger -- he'd always be out late practicing various sports, and I'd always meet him when he came home. He always was the coolest fox ever to live, though I think any younger sibling thinks that of their senior.

Tristan had hardly been able to open the front door before I pulled him into a hug. He stood 5'10", a whole six inches taller than me, but I still managed to wrestle him into a vicegrip. He's a (semi?) pro athlete, he's definitely stronger than I am, but he doesn't fight me. It's incredible how much stronger he is than me -- I always told myself I'd get as strong as him one day, he was only three years older than me, but I never did get quite as strong.

"Hey, Toby!" He gave me a squeeze, "I didn't think you'd be here! Is Gray with you?" Of all the people in my family, Tristan had been the most accepting. He didn't care that Gray was a coyote, or a guy, or anything else. He was just glad that I was happy and I had someone to spend my life with.

"He and Gray aren't together anymore, Tristan." Milan's voice was low and protective, and he said it with a quiet growl. Milan's tone made my stomach lurch, but filled me with joy at the same time.

"Oh...wow. I'm sorry to hear that...I heard about Imani...but...I had no clue that you and Gray had split..." He looks down at me, and then back to Milan and smiles. "Milan! You're a big fan of The Whales, right?" Milan had always been a big Whale fan -- so had Gray -- and they had only gotten into the team more when Tristan signed with them. "Well...here! Take this. I had gotten it for Gray, but if he isn't banging my little bro anymore --"

"TRISTAN!" Linda's voice cut through the air like a knife. Tristan laughed, shouting back. "I'm just kidding! I'm sure they NEVER did something like that. Mom! Come here!" He handed Milan and Linda an envelope each, and before they could open them he explained, "They're tickets for the series against Sudbury next week. I already got you train tickets down and two hotel rooms for the weekend." He wagged his tail nervously. "If dad is able to go, of course..."

Linda's face broke into a smile. "It's his first weekend off in a long time...I'm sure he'll be happy to come see you play."

The rest of the afternoon was pretty spectacular; Linda's home cooking was something that would follow a fox the rest of his life. We talked for hours, laughing and reminiscing about our childhood and his antics with his team.

~~~

I curled into the curve of Milan's body, his stomach pressed to my back, my stomach tight against the wall. I really don't think I'd mind dating Milan...we may as well be dating. "No." I tell myself. I have to put that out of my head, at least for now. He's missing Imani...I'm missing Gray, too. Milan's warmth draws me in, no doubt that I'd fall asleep easier if my mind wasn't wandering.

I really do miss Gray. I'm glad to have Milan, he's warm and soft, snoring quietly in my ear and holding me tight to his chest. He isn't Gray, though. He didn't smell the same -- Gray had a more subtle scent, one that never failed to calm me down -- or work me up, depending on the mood. Milan's scent was powerful and overwhelming. There was no way to escape it, wolves being an alpha predator, but I didn't mind. It wasn't Gray, though. I wonder what he's doing now. Probably sleeping...something I should do.

There's no way I could sleep, though. I could text him, see if he's okay...no, I'll see him tomorrow. Aren't I supposed to be avoiding him? Maybe I should just focus on Milan. He want's me. That's more than I can say for Gray...

~~~

The morning flew by; A quick shower, a bowl of cereal, and a suit. Milan and I drive to the funeral -- Linda and Forrest are going to come, too, separately. Milan and I talk some on the way, but it's easy to tell that Milan is still broken hearted. Yesterday was a nice break, but as we pull into the funeral home I feel myself starting to spiral back into tears.

We sit in the back, it's a closed casket but we still walk up during the viewing. I don't see Charlotte or Gray anywhere, but it's a big funeral home and it's easy to imagine that they're with family. There's a lot of flowers -- I didn't realize that Imani had so many friends and family. I try to focus on them, roses and lilies and orchids and irises, and all kinds of bouquets. They cover the coffin -- Imani's coffin -- draping it in a supple hug. I never really thought I'd be standing in front of a friends coffin, and certainly not when I was eighteen years old. I feel Milan grab my paw, snapping me out of my trance. I look up at him, his cheeks glisten with tears in the light. I squeeze his paw as we walk back to our seats.

The funeral is one of those super religious ones; we stand and sing Amazing Grace, the whole time I'm holding Milan's paw. We're both shaking, crying, but through our tears I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

"I'm glad to know," Charlotte says, speaking at the podium the pastor had just left, "That Imani is in heaven right now, looking down at us and smiling. I'm blessed that my son Grayson is still breathing and on this earth...and I'm glad to have the support from my family, and from Imani's friends." I shiver, knowing that she's talking about Milan.

She sits down, unable to speak as tears start to spring from her eyes. The pastor (priest?), a tall, lanky ferret, steps up. "If anyone else would like to speak," His words are strong, striking compared to Charlotte's weakness, "Feel free to stand."

I find myself standing, shaking like a leaf on a blustery day, but standing. "I knew Imani for years..." The words stick in my throat, but I keep pressing on, "Gray and I have been close for a long time, too. I remember the first time I met Charlotte...they're such great people. They didn't deserve what happened..." I stop. The words are stuck now, replaced with tears and gasps. Milan leads me out of the room, standing and allowing me to bawl into his chest.

I don't know when they finish, but my ears perk when I hear Gray's voice cut through the sobs. "Hey, Milan...I wanted to invite you two to the house for dinner...We're having a family gathering...and you two are family, too mom and I..."

"Go sit in the car, Toby..." He whispers to me, and I obey without a second thought. I don't know what he would want to talk to Gray about, but I trust him.

The air is hot, as is typical in late July, so I start the car to cool it. It takes a bit of time before Milan comes out, his tie off, and the top buttons of his shirt undone. He gets in the passenger seat. "What was that about...?" I'm worried about him -- I'm worried about both of them.

"Do you want to go tonight?" I feel my ears blush, turning a shade of red beneath my fur. "W-what?" He gives me a look -- a glare? Is he glaring at me? "Do you want to go to Gray's house. Charlotte wants us to be there..." Oh. That makes more sense...less fun, though.

"Yeah...we should, right? If it's important to her..." I trail off. I suddenly feel guilty for thinking about Gray last night. I do miss him, though...but I guess I'll see him soon. It's an odd feeling: There's nothing more that I want than for Gray to call, to kiss me and to hold me...but I don't want that, either. It's hard to describe. I shouldn't' talk to him. I shouldn't have been thinking about him. He left me when I needed him. But...he needed to be alone, too? He could've just told me that, but instead he left me!

~~~

We went to my house to get changed, and then to Gray's house. It felt strange, like walking into a painting of a house you once knew. I'd stayed with Gray here many times, spending entire months living out of his bedroom. But it felt foreign to me, a hotel with people I didn't know, with people I didn't want to know.

"Thank you for coming..." Charlotte spoke softly, surrounded by her relatives. I can recognize a few of them, cousins and the like. "I wish it was under happier circumstances..." MIlan's words hung in the air, broken only when Charlotte pulled him into a hug.

"And you, Tobias...I'm glad you've come, too. Gray is upstairs. He asked if I'd send you up when you got here." I nodded, and before I realized it, my paws were carrying me up the soft, carpeted stairs. Milan had given me a look, but it would've been strange if I hadn't obliged Charlotte. I knocked on the door -- which felt weird. I was so used to opening it. Just walking in. It was my room for the longest time, too. Whether his mother had known it or not.

"Toby...?" His voice was weak, it cracked and whimpered as I opened the door. He was curled in a ball on his bed. "Come here..." He whined, shaking on his bed. I sat next to him, and he uncurled and laid his head in my lap. I guess he still felt safe next to me. "I miss you..." It's almost a whisper. I feel my chest bursting. I want to lean down, I want to kiss him.

"I know." The words sound strange leaking out of my muzzle. "It's okay. I'll stay here tonight and tomorrow we can go to the park and have a picnic and..." "Can you stay tonight?" How'd I know? It's an interesting question, and I don't know how to answer. I want to stay -- I really want too. But I shouldn't. "Can Milan stay, too...?" He looks up at me, those damn blue eyes reflecting my face back at me. He looks hurt, but what did he expect? He hurt me, and Milan would protect me if he tried again. There's a sigh. "Yeah...as long as you're here..."