FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Hey everyone, I decided to go back to my roots and read some of the stories that made me originally want to start writing again. I wanted to get the emotions and feelings I felt from the writing I was doing 8 years ago, but with the wisdom and skill I've picked up since. I think I have found something that I can take and make my new story that you'll love! So, wander with me as I take this journey. Thanks for reading!

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Life has a way of changing on you when you least expect it. You really never know what will happen. You can be eating breakfast one day, and get a phone call that your parents died in a freak motorcycle crash. Or, you could be in the middle of a giant rave, and meet your old baby sitter, sucking on a pacifier. Nothing is ever predictable, but at least it keeps us on our toes for the next big surprise.

The year I turned 15, a lot of weird things were happening. Lots of little things. Little changes. But they all seemed so big at the time. Everything seems so big when you're 15, including yourself. I had shot up about four inches over the summer. Which was nice, because I was the shortest person in my grade. Try being a 14 year old fox that is shorter than a mouse. Other things had grown too... which was also rather nice. It was a busy summer, all alone in my room, if you know what I mean. Who needed friends when your mom kept an unhealthily large supply of lotion in the house?

Yes, 15 was a strange year. Hormones, high school, girls... guys. Yeah, that was something that happened to. But, before I get too far ahead of myself, I should start from the beginning....

"Here is the seating chart," the teacher announced, slapping a transparency on a projector that had seen better days. "I know you want to sit with your friends, but this will help me learn your names for the first few weeks, and then you can sit where you'd like."

I scanned the list of names written in purple marker, finally finding 'Jude Fennet' in the back corner. I picked up my stuff and joined the migrating masses. As we all sat down in our cold, hard seats, the teacher began passing out papers on the course.

"Now that we have that, welcome to Milton High School. My name is Mr. Duffek, and this is World History. I'm passing around a syllabus that will go over...." Mr. Duffek continued on, but I was distracted by the sound of a clicking pen next to me.

I looked over at the deer, eyeing the packet of paper that was just handed to him, his thumb rapidly pounding away on the pen held prisoner in his grip. We don't get a lot of deer where we are; they tend to be more up north. It was kind of interesting to watch him. His antlers were kinda skinny, and only had one little point growing off. I remember my dad saying that they grow new ones every year. He was kinda good looking in that awkward teenager kind of way. Or at least the side of him I could see. He must have felt me staring because he looked up. "Oh, sorry," he said, putting the pen down. "Just kinda nervous."

I smiled, he smiled, and we both went back to focusing on the teacher. He was pretty good looking from the front too. Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone. Not back then, anyway.

Eventually the bell rang, and we all packed up and left. The deer, whose name I learned was Darrick, gave me a friendly nod before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and taking off. I guess that meant we were friends.

I had that class every other day. I'm not sure if it was our chemistry, or just pure desperation, but we ended up being each other's go-to for partners and group work in the class. We even stayed in our same desks long after the teacher let us pick our own.

As fall wore on, and the leaves started piling up, I found myself hanging out with Darrick a lot. Mostly after school at my place. He basically became an adopted kid to my parents. He didn't live too far away from me, so it was easy for him to walk home before it got dark. Occasionally, especially on Fridays, he'd just stay over, and we'd have pizza and a movie. It was pretty standard procedure by winter, which was good, because by the next semester, we didn't have any classes together, and it was really the only time we got to hang out. By that point, Darrick had turned 16 and gotten his license and a car, which was nice because we didn't need to take the bus, and Darrick didn't have to walk home anymore. It was also nice, because it meant that he would hang out at my place every day.

"Do you ever wonder what would happen to us if we weren't friends?" Darrick said, tossing a stress ball above his head as he lay on my bed. His antlers had shed a while back, so he just had smooth little bumps left over, which I naturally teased him about and was usually followed by a threat from him about being able to shove his antlers us my ass now, which would then start a chain reaction of terrible jokes only teenage boys could come up with.

"No... I guess not. Why?" I asked, pulling my attention away from my computer.

"I dunno. Just, I never really had a friend like you before. You know, someone I hang out with so much. You know?"

I looked at the deer, who had tiled his head to look back at me. "Yeah. I mean, I guess. You're kinda the only person I do that with too. Beats sitting alone in my room jerking off."

"Yeah, except that one night when-"

"Shut up!" I said, throwing a stuffed otter from my desk at him. "I thought you were asleep!"

"Yeah, and you didn't even bother to check too hard, did you?" he chuckled, tossing the otter back to me before mimicking me lying on my side rubbing an invisible dick.

"Nah, bro, I'm bigger than that."

Darrick exaggerated the movement, extending his arm as far as they could go. "How's that?"

"Closer. But you'd need a third hand," I said, hoping up from my computer desk to mime the motion with him.

"Yeah right," he said, pulling me down onto the bed next to him. "I know you've got a baby carrot down there. You'd be lucky to use a second finger on a good day."

"Fits in your moms hand just fine!"

We laughed until our breath was gone, and laid on the bed panting for a while.

"Jude?" Darrick asked, looking over at me.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking back at the deer. He had something troubling in his eyes.

He turned his head back. "Nothing. Never mind."

We stayed there in silence. You could hear the winter wind against the house.

"Hey," I finally said. "Why don't we ever hang out at your place?"

"Well, you know, my parents don't really like company, and it's a small house, and with my aunt in town for the month, and my sister-"

"Ok," I said, chuckling. "Didn't mean to grill you, I was just asking. Want to spend the night?

"I wasn't before?" He raised an eyebrow. "It's Friday."

"Oh yeah. I don't know why I even bothered to ask. You practically live here anyway."

"Jude?"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing."

"Ok. Pizza?"

"Yeah."

The night stayed pretty typical from there. We ate pizza, watched whatever movie we could find in the pile of VHS tapes, and got ready for bed, late into the night. I kept thinking about the look he gave me. It was sort of haunting. I wanted to ask him what he had on his mind, but I couldn't figure out how to bring it up. So, I just avoided it and hoped he'd bring it up on his own.

"Do you think it's kinda gay that we sleep in the same bed together?" Darrick asked, sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but a pair of pajama pants.

"Nah, we've got the sheet between us. Besides, it's not like we cuddle or anything, and its better than you sleeping on the floor."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But, lets still not tell anyone."

"What are you so afraid of?" I laughed. "Am I not good enough to be your boyfriend?" I said, batting my eyelashes. "You'd be lucky to have a hot piece of ass like me. Might be better to start the rumor ourselves; get your social rank a little higher. I'm a real catch, you know," I teased.

Darrick didn't look as amused. He had that disturbed look again.

"Woah," I said. "Sorry man, I was just messing with you. Didn't know you were so serious about this. I can sleep on the floor." I started pulling a sheet off the bed and grabbed a pillow.

"No." Darrick pulled the sheet back. "It's not that. It's... well. Ok, it's kinda that. It's really complex."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Darrick shook his head and looked away. We both sat there in awkward tension.

"Sooooo....? Should I sleep on the floor?"

Darrick shook his head again.

"Ok. Well, I'm going to turn off the lights then..." I said, trying to get around the awkward elephant between us. I flipped off the light and got under my sheet.

We both just laid there in silence, staring at the ceiling. The lights through the window shifted as a car drove by.

"Jude?"

"Yeah?"

"I Love you." Darrick's voice cracked.

"I love you too, man."

"No, I mean... I'm in love with you." I heard Darrick's head turn to look at me. I didn't look back.

There was a long pause.

"Sorry." I could hear the crushed spirit in his voice.

My head was swimming. I was frozen in my place. I couldn't keep my thoughts straight enough to even utter a word. How do you respond to your best friend saying that? The dark ceiling above me started spinning. The distance between us in the bed seemed like a mile away.

I could hear him sniff as his eyes welled up. My stomach tied itself in a knot. I had to say something.

"That's kinda gay." As the words passed my lips, my entire being filled with regret. Why did I say that of all things?

Darrick turned away, his sniffling getting louder as he tried to choke back tears.

I was still paralyzed. I wanted to run out of the room. I wanted to hug my crying friend. I wanted to die. But all I could do was watch that spinning ceiling getting closer and closer to my face.

The cracked whimpers next to me were like razors on my skin. I needed to do something. I finally sat up. The knot in my stomach was making me feel sick.

I looked over at the deer. His chest shivered with his barely controlled breathing. I reached out a paw and touched his arm. He tensed up.

"Darrick...." I started, not knowing what to follow it up with.

He just turned his head further into the pillow.

"We gotta talk about this, man." I said, gripping his shoulder.

"Just forget it," I heard, muffled between gasps for air.

"That's not really how this works."

"I want to die."

I sighed, and pulled his shoulder to me. The fur around his eyes were dark with tears, and he avoided looking at me. "Don't die."

He just shook his head, his face distorting as he tried not to cry again.

I dug my arm under his back and gave him an uncomfortable hug. He strained his neck to pull his head away from me.

"I love you to," I admitted softly.

"Really?" Darrick whispered with a sniff.

"Well, it would explain a lot. And like you said, I've never really had a friend like you before."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I could feel Darrick's body soften, and he rotated around to face me, wrapping his arms around me too.

It felt right.