Part 9 - How NOT to break up with someone
#9 of Secret Love
I wake up in my bed, "3rd of January..." I mutter to myself as soon as I open my eyes. Today is the day, the day I have to face the music, the day that I have to choose between Tracey and James.
I walk down the hall to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee, the perfect start to the day you have to choose who you'll most likely spend the rest of your life with.
As I enter the kitchen, Tracey is busy making some cereal, she can't see me. I wrap my hands around her, "Has anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Alissa Milano? Just hotter and with black hair?" I ask her.
Tracey laughs, "No, not really."
"Well, Miss Tracey, I'm telling you now." I tell her, kissing her on the neck. I'm immediately reminded of James, and how he used to surprise me like this. It felt good, and if she feels even half as good now as I felt when James did that, she should be in cloud 9!
After breakfast I start packing my things in the car. "Do you really have to go now?" Tracey asks me.
"Yeah, I need to sort some stuff out at home befoer tomorrow." I reply
"I'll miss you, see you Wednesday?" she asks
"I'll see you Wednesday, freshman." I tease.
Tracey gives me a light slap on the chest. "Oh, you..." she laughs
I say goodbye to my parents and climb into my car. It's just me and the road again.
As I exit the small town, I'm once again greeted by nothing but fields and a tree here and there along the side of the road. "Well, I gues I should start deciding then." I say.
I think back to the day James and I started to realise that there was more to it than just the sex. It was a special day, he took a chance and told me that he loved me. I was a bit shocked at first, but I realised that I felt the same way. Did I feel the same way? Or did I force myself to think I felt that way? Was I fooling myself all this time?
"No." I say out loud, "I didn't."
I smile, what we had... What we have... Whatever, it is... it was... "ugh!" I mutter to myself. What we have, it is special.
I sigh, "Who am I kidding?" I ask myself.
I turn into the driveway, James' car is already there. "Okay. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to have to be a little hard on the guy. Maybe if I'm hard on him, he'll forget about me faster and get on with his life. It's going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt him, I'm going to be the one with the rock-solid cold heart. Dammit, I'm an asshole for doing this, but it has to be done this way." I tell myself
I get out of my car, and take the smallest duffle bag out of the trunk. I lock the car, I won't be taking out the rest of the luggage until early tomorrow.
I stand at the front door, take a deep breath and turn the knob. The door opens slowly, and James just happens to come down the stairs. "I thought I heard your car." he said friendly.
"Yeah." I say in a toned down, unfriendly voice.
"Something wrong?" James says as he looks at me with a frown.
I look James straight in the eyes, it's time to be rude. "Yes James, I'm choosing Tracey" I say rudely.
James laughs, "No really, what's wrong?"
I glare at James, "You don't seem to understand James, now that I have a girlfriend, I'm breaking up with you." I continue rudely.
"Wait, you're serious? You're breaking up with me?" James says shockingly, I can see it hit him hard.
"Yes, James. Didn't you hear what I siad the first time?" I say even more rudely than before.
"Dude, you said that you loved me! Didn't that mean anything to you?" he asks, tears are starting to fill up in his eyes.
"No, I never loved you. I just said that so I could screw you every now and then. Hell, everytime we had sex it was worse than the time before, but at least it was better than no sex at all!" I continued, I actually surprised myself. I never knew I could be so rude, "So no James, I don't love you. Not at all, I never did, I don't now and I sure as hell won't in the future. All you were worth to me was a sack of meat to fuck!" I continue my onslaught.
James looks at me with sorrow in his eyes, his heart has clearly just been shattered into a million pieces. "You don't mean that, please tell me you don't mean that." he says as tears start flowing out of his eyes.
"I can assure you that I meant every damn word I just said." I say rudely, but I knew this wasn't true. I loved him dearly, I enjoyed the moments we had together, but it's at an end now. I feel like a complete asshole for breaking up with him like this.
I feel tears filling up in my eyes, "You know what James? Actually, I fucking hate you for seducing me that night. I have silently hated you every damn time I stuck my dick in you mouth, I have silently hated you everytime you made me cum and I have silently hated you everytime I felt forced to say I love you."
James just stares at me, did I just go too far?
"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to unpack." As I walk past him, he grabs my arm.
"Mark, wait!" he desperately calls out to me. His touch reminds me of all the good times we had together, all the special times. I just want to turn around and hug him, I want to squeeze him tightly and never let go, but my future lies with Tracey. The woman I'm going to marry after university, the woman who's going to come running out of the front door with my three kids when I come home from a long excavation trip.
I pull my arm out from his grasp, "Leave me the hell alone!" I shout and continue up the stairs.
I hear him following me as I walk to my room. Just as he gets to my door I slam it shut and lock it, standing with my back to the door.
"Mark! Mark, open up! Please open up!" he continues to shout, crying in-between.
I look at my room, the door is locked, he can't see me. I let my tears run to my eyes as I slide down the door, sitting down on the floor. I had never hurt anyone like I hurt James today. It feels like I shoved a million spears in my own heart and violently shook them around. I can't even imagine what it would feel like for James.
It's Tuesday, two days since I violently broke up with James. I haven't seen him since I stormed up the stairs and closed the door in his face. I feel really bad about how I handled the situation, I could've gone a bit softer on him. I could've been firm but understanding, instead I charged in, cursed the crap out of the poor lion and locked myself up in my room until yesterday. Thing is, how's he going to respond to Tracey when she arrives?
I pick up my bag, the second day of University and the damn thing is so full of books I can barely carry it. I grab some money for lunch and head out the door. I wonder where he's been all this time? But that's his problem, right? I'm over and done with him.
As I walk over from the parking lot to class, I spot him making jokes with a few friends. "Well, at least you're fine." I say to myself, and I continue walking...
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Wow, uhm... This chapter came out a little wobbly for me again. I hope you liked it since this is a very important chapter. Also, although it may seem so, this is not the final chapter in the series, so there's still hope for James. :)
Also, please remember to comment on this, I like to know what my readers think of my stories. Especially this one, since I tried to make it as emotional as possible. Hope you enoyed it. :)