Sell Me
Hey! Over here.
Have a seat. Good to see you. How you liking your first month at the Circus?
Good. What's your poison?
Ha ha! You don't have to order what I'm drinking, kid. You sure? Okay. Hey, Mac. Two more of these. I'll buy his, the rest of you guys are on your own.
Yeah, we do this every week. You got your first client this week, so you got a standing invite. Right here, 6 o'clock Friday 'til Jacko has to get home to the wife.
Of course he gets The Story, Brad. First time. And I get to tell it. I was just waitin' for Mac to get back with the drinks. Ah, there we go.
So, kid, you got the whole lecture about how to deal with clients, right? These guys are smart, they got a lot of money and it's a big decision to invest with us, so they'll throw all kinds of shit at you and you gotta think on your feet.
Yeah, you know that expression. Think on your feet. Well, this is The "think on your feet" Story, and you'll like it 'cause the guy it happened to is a fox just like you.
Okay, Jacko, not just like. Alan had about six inches on the kid, not to mention a little more red in the fur and less black on the ears. But he was about the same age when this story happens.
He'd been with the Circus longer than you, about a year and a half, and he'd blown his quota out of the water three quarters running, mostly with widows. Didn't matter what species. He'd get 'em in that room, and he could've put whatever bullshit numbers he wanted on the slides. When he leaned across the table and they got a whiff of him, and he had those pretty blue eyes lookin' right at them and telling them how much he cared about their money, they woulda pretty much handed him anything he asked for right there. If they didn't go for the eyes, he'd take their paw in his, like this--cripes, kid, don't flinch, I'm just showing you--he used lotion or some shit so his paws were all soft and smooth, and that melted 'em. Not a one walked out of a meeting with him didn't sign over all her money.
Oh, sure, he did take care of 'em, and most of 'em died richer than they came in. That's our business.
So anyway, the other guys on his team decide they're going to get him. They set up a meeting for him with a Duhamel.
Yeah, the guys with the company. Nice to know you read the papers, kid. So you know what a big deal it is. They tell Alan he's got the meeting because he's blown his quota, the bosses want to see what he can do.
Alan's a little shaky, but he says he can do it. Would you turn down a meeting with a Duhamel, kid? Course you wouldn't. Cocky bastard, just like Alan.
The meeting's set up in a hotel, because that's where the Duhamel guy wants it. He's got this fancy executive suite, you know, where there's like an office, and a bedroom, and shit, I dunno, a fuckin' wine cellar. Alan shows up ten minutes early--always be early, kid, but not too early--and the Duhamel guy is there by himself. Which is a little weird, but these rich guys are weird. I had one client wouldn't sign anything in blue or black. Had to be green.
Right, so the Duhamel guy's there by himself, no secretary, no bodyguard, nothing. He shows Alan into the office and sits down, folds his arms, says, Sell me. Just that.
Well, Alan's ready for him. He knows this guy's no widow, so he's been up nights the last two weeks doing research, comparing other investments--this was before we had the comp-info folder, too, he compiled it all himself--and researching not only the Duhamel Corp., but the private holdings of the family, cause see, they didn't tell him which one it was going to be. Think fast, but be prepared. Remember that one too, kid. And the guy doesn't introduce himself, but he's a cougar, he's got that attitude, Alan figures he's one of the guys likes to stay out of the limelight. Doesn't matter who he is; Alan sells him, he's got an in to the whole family.
So he starts in on his presentation, talks about the Circumpolar family of investments, the fine tradition of portfolio managers, blah blah blah. He gets about three slides in when this cougar says, Take off your shirt.
Well, what would you do?
Damn right he did. Didn't even ask why, just smiled that smile and flashed those blue eyes. Slipped the tie off, unbuttoned his shirt, draped it over the chair back, went right on to the next slide. Now he can feel the cougar sitting up straighter, leaning forward, feels those eyes on him. And he's in good shape, like you are, kid, so he puffs out his chest. When he points to something, he does a little flex, showing off his muscles. Doesn't rest his paw on his hip; he rests it here, just above, and lets his fingers trail in his fur, sucking his belly in. Thinking on his feet. He's not really into guys, but he knows how to show off, especially to close a deal, and like I said, these rich guys are weird. Who knows what they're into. Maybe the guy does want to pick an investment firm based on how hot the rep is.
So Alan's up there, putting some extra swish into his tail, but he keeps going through the numbers, all business. And the guy's getting into it, but not asking any questions, just leaning further forward. Alan starts enjoying it, this big, rich cougar drooling over him, so he's getting into it, too. Even hooks his thumb into his waistband. Then he gets to the part where he asks the guy how much he has to invest. You know, after the generic shit, the "everyone sees returns of blah blah blah."
The cougar gives him this shit-eating grin and says, I'll tell you if you take your pants off, too.
Swear to God.
Well, Alan puts one hand on his hip, cocks his head, and smiles right back, and he says, I don't take my pants off for less than fifty million.
And Duhamel grins wider, and he says, Take 'em off. And Alan unbuckles his belt and slides his $200 slacks off, and over the chair they go. He's standing there in his skivvies in front of this crazy rich cougar, and Alan wasn't the kind of fox to wear boxers, if ya know what I mean. He lets the cougar check him out, and Duhamel takes a good long time to do it, too, like he wants to reach out and grab Alan's package. He can sure see it clear enough, and Alan turns to give him a nice profile look, and he's startin' to enjoy the attention maybe a little too much. I mean, so what if it is a guy? Someone hot for you is someone hot for you. You had people look at you that way, kid?
Good for you. Enjoy it while you got it.
Duhamel's licking his lips, and he says, So how much does it take to get the briefs off?
Yeah, you saw that coming, and so did Alan. He hooks his thumb in his waistband again, tugging a little, just like he strips for clients every day, and he says, Five hundred million.
No shit.
Well, just let me tell the story. Duhamel grins and says, Aw, nuts, I'm three million short. Hang on a second.
And he takes out a cell phone. Alan just stands there, all calm on the outside, letting his tail swish back and forth, but inside he's thinking, Holy shit, either this is a setup or I just made my quota for the next five years. He watches Duhamel dial a number and call someone named Jake and ask him to borrow three million. The cougar hangs up the phone, grins that shit-eating grin, and just sits back in his chair and folds his paws behind his head.
By now Alan's really not decent, but he figures the guy can see that through the briefs anyway, and for five hundred million he can give him a show.
Yep. Off they come, but he does it slow-like, wiggling his hips and all. Come on, Jacko, do the hip wiggle. Aw, well, anyway, he puts this wiggle into it and drops his undies and stands there with his dick coming to attention. And he doesn't really think at this point that the cougar really wants to see the rest of his presentation, but after he gives the guy time to get a nice look at him, he starts in with his spiel, you know, With five hundred million, you're looking at the Circumpolar Platinum package, which has an annual return outperforming the standard index, and so on.
He does get one more slide going, but then Duhamel stands up. There's a side table on his right, with a bowl of apples and a glass of some kind of sparkling water, and he picks up the glass in one paw and pours it down his front. Shirt, pants, soaked.
Alan stops and looks at him, and the cougar says, Aw, will you look at what I did. And he grabs the front of his business suit and rips it clean off.
Yeah, at this point Alan pretty much figures the guy isn't a Duhamel. I mean, rich guys are eccentric, but not many of 'em own breakaway business suits. But there's still that chance, I mean, you never know, so he stays professional, as professional as he can be with nothing on. The cougar's standing like four feet from him, just wearing the shirt collar, power tie, and a banana thong, and his tail's twitching like crazy. And he's built, too, fur trimmed short so you can see every muscle, six-pack, biceps you could bounce a dee off of, and a package thick as Alan's wrist.
Now the guy starts swingin' his hips back and forth, and swishing his tail behind him. He never takes his eyes off Alan, and he says, You're way fucking hotter than they said you'd be. And poor Alan, butt-naked, says, ha ha, You know, I don't do guys, but if I did, I'd do you.
Word for word. Swear to God.
The cougar likes that a lot, and he starts rubbing his paws all up and down his own body. He's so in love with himself that he just might be a Duhamel. He's doin' like this, you know, with his pecs, and his abs, and cupping his goods, practically jerking off through the thong, and pretty soon that thong ain't holding much back. And the cougar says, You like girls, huh?
Alan confirms that's pretty much how the powers put him on the earth.
So the cougar says, get this, I got a mouth just like any girl.
Oh, shit, you go down to Lowtown and hang out by the gym, you can hear that line once a night and twice on weekends. But the way this cougar says it, all low and eyes wide like he really wants it, well, Alan might not be interested, but his dick sure is, and it lets him know. And Alan figures, hell, the chances of him getting five hundred million are pretty small right now, might as well get a blow job. So he grabs his dick just like the cougar's doing with his, and he jerks it a couple times and says, Show me.
The cougar takes his paw away and says, Okay, let me manage that asset. And before Alan knows it, this big ripped stud is on his knees and he's got a mouth full of fox.
He's good, too. He's got that mouth working and the tongue going and he's sucking Alan's cock like it's a popsicle on a hot summer day, making all those mmm sounds, and Alan's thinking, shit, maybe I do like boys. I mean, he's hard as a rock and feeling himself get all, y'know, excited, and the cougar's playing with his balls and shit. They know, see, 'cause they jerk off too, so they don't go yanking like some girls do. Girl ever gives you a good hand job or blow job, you know she's done it a lot before. I'm just telling ya, kid.
Right, so the story. So Alan has to brace himself against the wall pretty soon, and the cougar just keeps going, fucking driving that mouth down onto Alan's dick, and for a fox, Alan's got a good-sized piece of meat on him. This guy's taking it all in.
So by this time, Alan's just about ready to blow his wad, only he's thinking, do I blow in the guy's mouth or what? The cougar doesn't seem to care, just keeps sucking him, but Alan keeps holding back so long his one knee gives out and he says, I think I gotta sit down. So he does, and the cougar takes a break and rips his thong off, too, and the only thing Alan can think is if this guy is a Duhamel, then life isn't fucking fair, because nobody should have millions of dees and a schlong like that in the same life. I mean, it's the size of his forearm. Yeah, like that long. And it's hard as a rock and dripping, too. This guy really gets off on sucking off foxes, or maybe just sucking cock. Alan can't take his eyes off it, and the cougar likes that, he swings it back and forth and strokes it and shows it off.
Alan's just thinking that if the guy wants to stick that in him, the price goes up to a billion dees, when the cougar gets right up in his face and says, God, I shouldn't be doing this. But before Alan can say anything, the guy says, I got a hole like a girl, too.
Well, you're a guy, kid. You know what guys are like. We can pretty much stick our dicks anywhere as long as we think about pussy. Not to mention Alan's so worked up at this point that if the cougar told him to hump the chair, he would've reupholstered it in about ten seconds. So he's like sure, what the hell, and the guy straddles him. So Alan's staring at this huge cock in his face while the cougar wriggles around and gets his ass on Alan's cock, and he sees Alan looking at his thing and says, Don't worry, you don't have to touch it or anything.
But Alan reaches up anyway and puts a paw on it and says, I just want to see if it's real.
It's insane, he can't even get his paw all the way around it. He doesn't really want to jerk the guy off, but the thing's resting on his chest and he figures it's so big it doesn't really even feel like a dick, really. Besides that, the guy's got him inside now and he's bucking up and down and damn if it doesn't feel pretty good. So Alan goes ahead and paws up and down this massive cock, and pretends he's jerking himself off, or pretends he's doing some vixen in a wetsuit and stroking her leg, or just doesn't think about it at all. Because when it comes right down to it, sex is sex, right? You can sell yourself on just about anything. 'Til you come. Then your brain comes back from vacation and says, Holy fucking shit, what the hell have you been doing?
So it's not too long with the cougar's tight ass riding him before Alan feels like he's back on the edge again, and he starts squirming and arching his back and he still doesn't know if he should come inside this guy or give him warning or what, so he gasps, I'm close, or something, and the guy says, Oh, God, me too, so Alan figures it's okay and closes his eyes. And he comes right in the cougar's ass, the whole nine yards, fucking unbelievable orgasm, whole body into it. You ever had one like that, kid?
Well, keep trying.
Remember he's still got a grip on this massive cougar dick. He's just coming down, seeing stars it was so intense, and he feels this wet splash on his face. All over his face, down his muzzle, his cheeks, around his eyes, and a bit even gets in his nose. He hears the cougar moaning and feels him thrashing and just about comes again, the guy's ass is squeezing his cock so tight. The cougar's leaning over him and he has to put a paw up to that chest, so he feels the muscle underneath, to stop the guy from falling on him.
Right about then is when his brain checks back in and says, What the fuck?
But Alan's a pro, and he thinks on his feet. The cougar's panting and looking down and saying, Oh God, I'm sorry, I'll clean it up. Alan says not to worry, just let him up and he'll go clean up himself.
The guy gets up and they're both grinning, you know, that "I just got my ashes hauled" grin. Only Alan's thinking behind his grin, if this is a setup, the guys probably asked the cougar to take some pictures of him, so he's gonna get out of the room fast while the guy's still distracted, clean up, wrap a towel around himself. He wants to grab his pants, but he's got jizz all over the one paw, so he just goes to the door and says, I'll be right back.
He opens the office door and there, in the suite, are all the guys from the sales team. His nose is full of cougar musk, that's why he didn't smell them. See, the stripper was supposed to get his clothes off and then send him out for something in the bathroom or kitchen or something. He just took it a bit too far.
Yeah, Brad, a lot too far.
They thought they'd be seeing him come out in his briefs, or maybe naked. So they're laughing, but it takes them a minute to really see him. One of them says, So, Alan, going to land that Duhamel account? As soon as he gets the word out, it registers that not only is the fox naked, not only has he got a giant hard-on, but his cock is dripping with his own jizz, and his paw and face are just soaked in someone else's. I mean, it's white blobs, and it stinks of musk, and there's no way you can miss it. Their jaws just drop.
What'd he say? I told you he thought fast, didn't I?
He doesn't miss a beat. He looks at the guy who asked if he was gonna land the Duhamel account, and real calm, jizz dripping down his muzzle, he says, Well, I only got through the first half of my presentation, but he seems really excited.