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Chapter 8-A

Raphon

For weeks I had resigned to depression and moping about, however now I had begun to feel a change in the weather. After feeling miserable since Belle's disappearance, I was, at last ready to begin my life again. I don't know what had breathed this new fortitude into me. I first considered that perhaps it was from my short time on the road, though that felt unlikely, as there was nothing memorable about the excursion. Perhaps it was being arrested, though I've always been a bit bull-headed and never the kind to be 'scared straight.' I considered that the cause might've been my brief reunion with Clover which had allowed us to both gain closure, following the period I had selfishly abandoned her.

Whatever the cause, I had realized that I couldn't sit back and feel sorry for myself forever: I had to get my life back on track. From the very next morning, following a series of tearful scoldings by Dr. Peregrine, I was prepared to work harder than I ever had. If Belle ever returned, I wanted her to return to a safe, successful life, and not the pathetic husk I had devolved into. Truth be told: I still missed her every minute, but I had turned the doldrums of loss into a determination for betterment.

For the next few days, my performance in school had increased exponentially, and the teachers had begun to comment at how my grades had grown higher than they ever had been before. I never realized, before then, how much I relied on Belle's intelligence and focus to help me succeed. It was the third day since I had been arrested and I found myself at our desk, back home, furiously working through the remainder of our Chemistry homework, when I received a message from Clover via Candygram. We had become very casual in our interactions, though I often wondered if it was as difficult for her as it had been for me. I finished the equation I had been fumbling with, and reached for my phone.

Farmdog20: Hey, you doing okay?

I smiled over her concern and responded casually.

Footba11king2323: Doing okay, yeah. Finishing homework. How is your dad's place?

I had come to understand that her father lived about two hours east of town. As a successful farmer, he owned well over four hundred acres of land which was devoted to about a dozen types of produce. Clover would have a much better life there.

Farmdog20: It's great! My dad is really nice. Everyone here loves him and some even knew me from when I was a kid.

I was glad that everything was going so well, but there was still a lot of apprehension in my heart with Clover: Cordiality was much more complicated when you loved someone so deeply. I couldn't think of a follow-up question, so I simply added a "That's great to hear!" and returned to my work.

It took a few minutes before another message came through. Pip popped their head up and rested it atop my desk, flicking their tongue against my phone and eliciting a chuckle from me. I gently ran a paw pad along their head before taking the device once more.

Farmdog20: So, my birthday is in about eight days. I was just curious if you'd like to come see me. I don't really know any of the people here. Not even the ones who know me. It would be great to see a familiar face.

I considered the question and peered over my shoulder at the large, 'Nile.com' box located by the bedroom door which contained the device we had bought for her. "....why on earth would we think that was a good birthday present?" I muttered to myself and shook my head. Still: we had bought it for her, and it wasn't doing any good sitting in our room.

Footba11king2626: I'll see what I can do, the lab isn't keen on letting me go anywhere unsupervised after my runaway attempt. I'm not sure if they can legally keep me here, but I know that Dr. Peregrine is stressed out.

Farmdog20: lmao. What is she, your mom?

Footba11king2626: Closest thing I have to one, yeah. lol.

After a moment of consideration, I came to the conclusion that it wouldn't hurt to ask. Maybe they'd allow me to go, so long as I remained under their watchful eye. I closed the textbook with a loud 'thud,' and gained my footing, stretching out my body with a series of cracks that had indicated just how long I'd been stationary. My clomping hooves became louder as I stepped out of our living quarters and onto the tiled floor of the adjacent facility. As I passed, I received smiles and looks of concern from the passing staff, each busy with their own projects. Pip swayed about behind me, and from time to time, an employee would wave at him. Living here for so long and being so familiar with the many long-term residents, it was sometimes easy to forget that there were so many experiments in so many fields and that we were so very tiny in the grand scheme.

After asking about, I discovered that Dr. Peregrine had retired to the long-term staff dormitories, for the evening, which were located at the other end of the facility. With this information in hand, I casually made my way there. In the back of my mind, I silently wondered if Carmen's lab was a lot like ours. It was the same company, right? Perhaps they used the same design in Facility D? It wasn't an important thought, but I often found myself lost in my own head these days.

The Dormitories were an expansive wing, and each quarters were moderately smaller than our living area. I think Dr. Peregrine had once told me that our room had been a living area for the Director of Operations some time back. It wasn't until later that I realized that she was the DoR, and that she had given up her living arrangements for us. About halfway down the main hallway, I began to hear a voice which I ascertained to be Dr. Peregrine.

"I don't know, Lu... This seems like a bad idea."

I stopped, waiting to see if my hooves against the linoleum floor had alerted them to my presence, however the response came without hesitation, and I knew that I was safe.

"We need to know more about Subject: Belleraphon, if we have any hope of retrieving personality B."

Dr. Peregrine's voice came flustered, though I could tell she was restraining herself, "Belle. You can at least use her name."

"My apologies. I felt that if I refrained from saying her name, it might help you see this from a strictly scientific view. There are only two courses of action that we haven't yet attempted: One is biopsy, which I doubt we will gain any useful data from and could jeopardize the livelihood of the subjects."

"Belle and Raphon. Darling I know you have trouble turning off professional mode, but for my sake can you please just call them by their names? Anyway, I agree, Biopsy is a pointless direction, but I don't know if we are ready to let Raphon meet Carmen."

I could hear Lu's hoof tapping impatiently, "I understand your concern, however you have failed to consider objective six. I know you are attached to the sub-... Belle and Raphon, however you have to consider their future and the future of their species."

"The future of their species? They are sentient, humanoid beings, and children, no less!" Dr. Peregrine sounded as though she were speaking through gritted teeth.

"They are anything but children and you know it." Lulu pointed out calmly.

"Be that as it may, you cannot force them to mate. Whatever DNA they came from, they are built on the genes of sentient life... my genes. You have to give them a choice."

There was a bit of shuffling, and I could hear the faint squeak of material against glass as Dr. Lu cleaned her glasses. "You act as though I am some sort of program-driven robot. I have considered the free-will aspect and have every intention of asking for permission. I am simply confident that, given the nature of their species' future, they will be willing to comply, as Carmen is, even if we must fertilize artificially."

I heard a sigh, and I knew that Dr. Peregrine was wavering. "I just... they're..." Her voice cracked, and I then heard something I wasn't even sure was possible, to that point: A loving, caring tone from the voice of the cold, mechanical Dr. Lu.

"They're your babies. I know. You were assigned to and almost removed from this project the day they were born simply because of that fact. The company feared you'd be too attached, and I knew that you were capable of loving those two and still performing your job admirably. You even refrained from telling them that you were their host mother for eighteen years. I was right to trust you, but right now you have to accept that they are growing up and have an important decision to make about their species' survival." I overheard the rustling of clothing, indicating that the two were locked together in a hug, followed by heavy sobs from Dr. Peregrine. "I can't pretend to know what it feels like to lose a daughter, but if there is even a hope that side-by-side tests with Carmen will return Belle, I think we should try it."

I was feeling a lot of emotions at that moment. I had flip-flopped between disgust and admiration for Dr. Lu several times throughout the conversation. I felt betrayed and simultaneously excited by the prospect that Belle and I had had a mother this entire time, and that we weren't grown in a test tube. I knew I couldn't be mad at Dr. Peregrine for a lie of omission like this: she had been more of a mother than she'd probably ever needed to be; at least by her job's standards.

I also began to feel apprehension in my gut about so much of this information. First and foremost was the fear of meeting Carmen. I wasn't even sure what to feel in regards to such an encounter, much less the prospect of interacting with her on such a physical level. There was also the fact that, for the first time, I considered the very idea of our species' continuation. Until now, I had just accepted Belle and I's life as the only Chimera. Now, suddenly there was a potential to populate... but was it worth it? Nobody even understood our physiology and psyche. Would others have to suffer like Belle and I had? Did I really want this misery for another being?

I could have approached the doctors. I could have told them how I felt, but honestly, I didn't know how I was feeling at that moment. Instead, I began to lightly move my feet, stepping back down the hall until I was safely out of earshot. Once I was sure I had reached a reasonable distance, I re-approached, finding that Dr. Lu and Dr. Peregrine had since departed to their quarters. I approached the door, behind which sat the woman I had never realized was my mother, and gently knocked.

That's the last thing I remembered before everything went black.

Chapter 8-B

Clover

My father's farm was a whole new world when compared to where I had lived for most of my life. While my mother and Tom's home had been a farmhouse and had contained a sizable acreage of fertile land, there had probably not been anything in the way of farming done in nearly two decades. My new home was moderately larger than the old, but was no less homey and rustic; right down to the squeaky screen door and wood paneled walls. The furniture was older, possibly hand-me-down, and likely kept for sentimental value rather than necessity. My father, it turns out, was a busy old bull and was constantly out working the farm. This required a set of golf carts that allowed him and a few of his top advisers and managerial staff to quickly move from place to place on such a vast expanse of land.

There was employee housing that had been designed and built as cozy apartments, which my father didn't charge his employees for the use of, save for utilities. He told me once that his employees worked harder for him because they felt like one big family. It all sounded mushy and ridiculous at the time, but as I joined him for his morning rounds, I was surprised to see all of the smiling faces who genuinely seemed to love him. Beyond that, many of the farm staff recognized me from when I was a baby, and seemed excited to see me again. I don't think I'd ever felt as welcome in my own home, before that point.

My nose had been broken by the events that night, but was healing slowly. Unfortunately, my muzzle was held in a straightening brace, which I was almost as self-conscious about as my hoodie-obscured shame. The first to comment on the adornment was a tree kangaroo named Taffy, who managed in the Eastern fields. She had laughed and told me that she had taken one off almost a week before after fighting off a rowdy at the bar the previous month. She was built like a weight lifter, and I wagered she had won that fight. My father later told me that Taffy and I had used to play as children, and that she cried when I had been taken away. What was strange about this, was that I had felt a strange sense of familiarity from the roo as soon as we'd met.

The final stop on my tour was the most unorthodox of locations I had ever seen. In a large house that dwarfed my father's home by nearly three times, I found a sisterhood of some of the most... well... blessed women I had ever seen in my life. The house, run by a large, maternal-looking heffer who called herself 'Miss Bea," was the 'milk house.' Given the name, I didn't feel the need to inquire further regarding the nature of the place, and my father simply hinted that while it was a strange venture, there was actually a large market in medical for the house's... exports. I wasn't as interested in the house itself or it's uses. I was, however quite excited to see another bovine my age with a pronounced pink sack at her waist. I didn't really talk to the girl, whom I discovered to be named 'Amelia,' but it did something to my self-esteem to see her living so comfortably with what I felt was a burden.

After flirting with my father for a half hour, to which he either didn't notice or ignored cordially, Miss Bea hugged me into the two biggest breasts I'd ever seen in my life and kissed my nose, telling me how great it was to see me again. Again, I wished I had remembered any one of these kind people, from before that day. It actually made me feel horrible that so many remembered me, while I couldn't recall a single name or face.

I picked up where I'd left off in the local high school, Gordon Parke. Local was a subjective term in this case, as the institution actually sat about a half-hour drive into town. It was much like my previous school, to be frank, but despite feeling the same in so many primary ways, I felt much happier to know that I had a fresh start. Overall, I felt as though I were receiving a reboot to my life in every aspect. All of the positivity was also helping me cope with the loss of Belle, which still weighed heavy on my heart, daily. From time to time, I kept in contact with Raphon and even Julie back in my old town, but sometimes it felt strange just trying to be friends with someone I'd once held in such an intimate regard.

Everything was going so well, and that was probably the reason that my third night on the farm had come as such a shock. At the time when everything hit the proverbial fan, I was in the living room with my father and Miss Bea. Having nested perfectly into a rather comfortable armchair which could only have achieved such softness after years of use, I had sunk in cozily to nearly become one with the cushions. On the television: Re-runs of old game shows, which suited me fine, as I could entertain myself with nearly anythin, while in such wonderful company. It was nearly nine o'clock when a tall, lanky farmhand named Jack came rushing into the house without so much as a knock, a look of dire need on his feline features. I was actually used to people coming and going, and only reacted to the urgency with which he entered, and not so much the fact he had let himself in.

My father, on the other hand, leapt from his chair, looking like a wild bull about ready to trample anything in his path. "Jack, what's wrong?"

The boy was panting hard, and looked as though he might collapse from his run. Still, he managed to choke out the news, after a moment, "We just got a call from the Taffy at the staff apartments: there's some kind of disturbance."

My father's expression looked searching, awaiting any further information from the boy. When he didn't report further, he inquired, "Is there... any further information?"

Jack shook his head in response, "No sir, they just said it was urgent" I felt odd being in the room when business matters were being dealt with, and peered at my father in anticipation of his decision. Without much in the way of hesitation, he tugged on his coat and stepped to the door with heavy hoof-steps that practically shook the room.

I'm not sure what possessed me to do what I did next, but I found myself rushing to my own hooves and approaching the door behind him, to which I got a surprised expression. "Lucky, you should stay here, I have no idea what's going on."

I shook my head, "I'm sure it's fine, but I want to help if I can." He looked as though he were about to protest, but clearly he didn't see the harm in it, and motioned for me to follow. He assured Miss Bea that we would return as soon as the crisis in question had been averted, to which she smiled at us both and resumed knitting.

En route to the apartments, stuffed uncomfortably into a golf cart with my massive father I found myself considering the options of what awaited us, but opted to simply ask him what he felt the culprit might be, "So... what do you suppose is going on?"

He pushed up his bottom lip in thought, and continued to drive the poor, tiny vehicle as fast as it would allow with our combined weight. "I'm not sure. It might be another busted water pipe. The guys I paid to do the plumbing did a shoddy job... but it was enough to last ten years, and they've since filed for bankruptcy... no surprise there. Last month we had to tear out half of an apartment and rebuild because of water damage."

"That's terrible! Can't you afford to replace the piping?"

He nodded his head, "That was actually on the budget this upcoming year. So far we hadn't encountered any further issues that we couldn't fix immediately, but we had to wait until the end of the season."

As he spoke, the towering street lamps that adjoined the apartment parking area began to show over the towering stacks of corn. Outside, I barely made out the silhouettes of several figures gesturing wildly about in the artificial light. As we closed the distance, I made out a man, two women, and a small child. The man looked to be standing beside the woman with the child, all three with stark white fur, and the other woman was clearly Taffy.

"Shit," My father cursed as he stopped the cart. "Lucky, I need you to get out of the cart and stay back." I was about to protest, until I managed to identify the heavy object the male figure was waving about frantically: a sawed-off shotgun. I did as I was told and felt the crunch of gravel and dirt beneath my hooves, then I watched my father grow smaller in the distance.

Not one to sit idly by, I began to sneak closer to the spectacle, staying in the shadows of the cornstalks until I was close enough to overhear what was happening. My father had just stepped in.

"Wilson, you need to put the gun down." He offered calmly.

"Rich, ya'll need to get a move on, this don't concern you!" He turned and waved the gun in my father's direction, and I watched Taffy hazard a step closer, to which he returned his aim to her. He looked like a caged animal, moving his method of protection back and forth nervously between the two like a wild beast baring it's fangs.

All about, I saw the residents peeking through doors and windows with looks of fear and apprehension on their faces. I stepped closer and felt my hoof kick a large chunk of lumber, nearly tripping me into the street: I had reached the edge of the crop barrier. Unable to continue further, I attempted to assess the scene further. I cast my gaze to the woman with the child: A pair of pearly-white, extra puffy canines who held one another and shivered as the terror of the situation unfolded about them. The man was also a canine of their breed... perhaps Samoyeds? Some sort of sledding breed. Nearby, a smashed bottle of vodka lay on the ground at their feet, which indicated the obvious cause of his violent behavior. Alchohol; Violence: This was a scenario I was far-too-familiar with.

"This here's my fuck'n family, Rich. Our affairs ar' ars! You and that Dyke bitch need'a stay outta it!"

Taffy received the insult as though it were nothing more than a fly on her nose, still looking for any opening that would allow her to jump in and subdue the man.

The tiny girl that held her mother now turned nervously to her father, her lip quivering as she squeaked out a "Daddy... please." He glared, "You, ya little bed-wetting shit! This is your fault! Fuckin' useless little fuck."

My father tried to hazard a step, but was quickly pushed back by the return of the shotgun's barrel. Nobody was gaining an inch.

Without warning, the mother leapt to her feet with a courage that hadn't been there just moments before. Her cheeks wet with tears, she grabbed the man by the gun and began screaming, "You don't talk to her like that, you worthless bastard!"

There are times in life where the stress of a situation has reached its peak and you begin to move and react before you have even registered mentally that you were going to do so. Sometimes, in the heat of a fight you say something you shouldn't before you've had the opportunity to rethink the decision. I'm not entirely sure at what point I left my spot, but it happened sometime between his wife's outburst and the instant the butt of his gun forcibly connected to her muzzle, creating a loud crack in the process. He stumbled from the swing, unable to hold his drunken body steady after such momentum. It was in that brief moment of stumbling that he'd find a thick, blunt piece of plywood connected to his face, a similar crack sounding from the impact. Everything had been a blur of rage and red, and by the time it was over, I found myself standing over the unconscious body of the man, my hands splintered and bloody, the board having snapped completely in half and fallen to the ground at my feet.

I was panting like a rabid beast and quaking uncontrollably when the crimson fog began to clear, my mind still abuzz from the adrenaline pumping through my body. I looked through my heated haze and spotted my father and Taffy staring at me, from opposite directions, with faces that expressed their astonishment of what had happened. Nearby, the little girl sat crying to her mother, who reclined on the ground nearby, clutching her face as blood dripped from between her fingers. Once the shock had worn off, my father rushed to secure Wilson, while Taffy assisted the mother, who clearly had a broken muzzle. Petrified by confusion, I simply stood there, arms limp at my sides as I struggled and failed to process everything that had just happened.

It was another ten minutes before the ambulance and the police arrived to deal with the issue: My father later explained that we were too far out from the nearest emergency responders to rely on their assistance in most situations. The blue and red lights and the sound of sirens were enough to jolt me from my stupor, and I found myself beginning to process exactly what I had done. The man called Wilson was dragged away, disoriented and cuffed, and the mother and daughter were taken to the hospital. It would be an hour before all of the hullabaloo would subside, and I'd find myself seated on the stoop of a nearby apartment door. I was so immersed in the replay of the recent events that I barely registered my father and Taffy seating themselves on either side of me.

They both seemed to be searching for the words to say to ease my mind, but neither could find them. It didn't matter, I doubted that they would have helped, anyway. I felt confused and ashamed, but most importantly: I felt strong. For the first time in my life, I felt formidable. Still, the emotions had reached a boiling point, and I felt every ounce of repressed thought bubble over the proverbial pot and spill out onto the stove. I lunged forward, burying my face in my arms and bawling uncontrollably. My companions calmly wrapped their arms around me, and I felt only marginally better by the closeness. Taffy took a deep breath and rubbed my left shoulder blade reassuringly.

"You did good, Clover. You saved those two." I nodded through tear-streaked eyes. I knew she was right. I didn't even know why I was crying; I just knew I wanted to. I felt as though someone had turned off my will to resist doing so.

That was the night in which two irrefutable facts became clear to me.

The first was that no matter how wonderful life had become, there was always the opportunity for something to go wrong, and that I should always prepare for the worst instead of falling into a false sense of security. A mere hour earlier, I had been sure that my life would be on track forever, and now I had just bludgeoned an intoxicated, violent man into unconsciousness while an entire farm watched. Things can always get worse.

The other thing I determined that night, was that I was ready for a change in myself. I had seen the face of abuse. I had experienced it first-hand for the better part of my adolescent life, and I knew the sense of powerlessness and fear it instilled on the victim. For years I had been forced to accept the humiliation and debilitation of being the victim, but now I was free. More than anything else, I determined that I would never, EVER stand idly by and watch as another person was subjected to the horrors of domestic violence. Nobody should have to live in fear.

Chapter 8-C

Belle

A near-maddening eternity had passed as I floated in the nothingness that I assumed was my subconscious. This was no different than the empty nothingness I had felt so long ago, except that now I was self-aware again, which made every second of my lifeless imprisonment all-the-more boring. I hadn't heard from that other me in quite some time, and I was still not entirely sure whom she had been, despite her claims. Had it all been some sort of delusion? I'd had plenty of time to ponder upon that prospect, as well as the many things we had talked about in that time.

Who was I, anyway? Well, I was Belle. I was a living being that was somehow born to a body belonging to someone else.

No! I told myself,That is my body too. Sure, I have limited control, however that makes it no less mine.

I wasn't some add-on, I was a living, breathing entity, and a sister to my sweet brother, Raphon. I smiled; at least I felt as though I were smiling, despite having no physical form; Raphon was as lucky to have me as I was to have him. He took care of my emotional state, and I helped him stay afloat scholastically. He kept me dreaming, and I kept him down to Earth. It was funny, but after what felt like a lifetime of degradation, I was beginning to see value in myself for the first time. There were still pings of disdain that I felt from time to time, in regards to my self-worth, and I was certain that, no matter how much I learned to accept my importance, that I would always feel this way. I had also determined that this is simply a part of life, and that we can't always be happy with every aspect of ourselves.

"You know what the key is, right?" The voice came again, and I answered without hesitation.

"The key is to focus. The bad thoughts never go away, but if you can find enough good in your life to overshadow the bad, they feel less debilitating.

"That's one way to look at it. Not everyone can simply put aside their bad thoughts. Some live like this their entire lives, unable to pull themselves free from the crippling doubt and self-loathing."

"Well... I don't have a choice. I want to exist, so our body has to know that I am of value, right?"

"Yes. Think of your consciousness as program on a hard drive. If you are obsolete, then your body won't see you as necessary."

I nodded. Or didn't. I felt that I had delivered some sort of affirmation. "Right. Into the recycle bin. So when will I know? I feel like I've been here forever and I am beginning to wonder if I am just going to be trapped like this."

There was a long silence, and I nearly asked my question again, before the voice returned, "I'm not sure. I am you: what you know, I know. "

I laughed, "By that definition, I've known how to love myself all along." There came another silence and I knew that there was more truth to that statement than I would ever have admitted to. Of course I'd known; people had told me for years.

"What's going on?" the voice came again... but it wasn't the same voice this time. This was a very masculine voice, though it still held the slight croak of a boy who's vocal chords were changing through puberty. I knew this voice.

"Raph?" I called out.

"Belle? Is that you?" If I'd had a heart, it would have skipped a beat. Not only was I hearing Raph's voice, but he was hearing mine, disembodied or otherwise.

"Raphon! What are you doing here?"

"I don't know. I don't even know what 'here' is."

I laughed, "No, that's fair. I don't really understand it myself. I think this is like... my subconscious."

"This subconscious is both of yours." came the female voice once more, "You two share a subconscious, but it is often separated in half so that you two can be individuals. Sometimes it breaks through. That's when you can hear each-other's thoughts and wrestle for control of the body. Think of this place as a way station."

"Who is that? She sounds cute" Raphon's voice again.

"Me or something. I'm not entirely sure. She's telling me thing's I already know but don't know."

"That..."

"Doesn't make sense? I know. I don't even think I knew that last part. Still, she's given me a lot of good advice." I dropped the line of thought and returned to the matter at hand, "Wait, why are you here? Raph you shouldn't be here, I don't know how to leave! I've been trapped in this place for years."

"Actually it's only been about three weeks." This news hit me like a club to the face I didn't currently possess. "Weeks? That's all? For a month I counted seconds because I had nothing else to do."

"Wow, that's..."

"Really sad, I know. Anyway I guess you're stuck in here with me." I didn't want this for anyone, least of all my sweet brother. On the other hand, I told myself, it would be nice to have the company. I had resigned myself to settling back into the subconscious torment of this silent abyss, aided now by the company of my brother, when he spoke once more.

"Actually.. I think I know how to leave."

My nonexistent breath caught in my equally nonexistent throat, and I stammered my words, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah..." he began, though he sounded as certain as he did uncertain. "Like... I remember how I came here, and I feel like I could go back if I tried. I could take you with me, I'm sure."

My elation reached a fever pitch. "Oh my god I can..."

"You cannot take Belle with you. If you took her, she would cease to exist. She must stay in her own mind."

I was growing frustrated, "but you said this isn't my mind, this is a way station or whatever. Which is it?"

"Yes." was the only reply. I thought hard on everything, and even tried to devise a mental map to distinguish what was what within this place, but there were just too many gaps in my knowledge. I doubt anyone alive could have filled those gaps.

"Okay... You keep telling me things I don't know. I've been quiet about it until this point, but there are things that you have explained that I had only ever considered a possibility."

"Yes."

"So this means that anything coming from you is completely based on my own hypothesis and is thereby only theory."

"I am here to sift through your guesses and thoughts and present the most logical course of action to ensure self-preservation. You know that two minds probably won't persist in the same brain. You also know, and have known since the beginning, the reason you are still here: Your brain is currently under new ownership."

I felt like I'd had a revelation. "Raph! I can't come back because you're in my brain!"

Raph was quiet for a moment, but finally muttered, "Oh... I didn't know. I don't even know how to switch it off. One minute you were there, and the next I was controlling your head."

"No, it's fine. I think that if you hadn't taken over, there was a chance my head would've gone through brain death. You probably saved my noggin." I pondered long and hard about everything that had happened. I finally had a plan, though it would be quite difficult and extremely risky. "Raph... I need you to tell me how you plan to return."

There was a pause, but he offered his best explanation, "I can see a light. I don't know why, but I feel in my mind that it's the way I came." I wasn't put at ease by this information, but I trusted his feelings as much as I could. Raph made good choices when our dick wasn't involved.

"You need to go back, once you do, I am going to stay here and wait. I need you to find out how to shut down your control of my brain... I am going to wait until the conditions are right, and then seize control."

"That sounds really risky. Didn't you say you could wind up brain dead?" Oh, Raph. He was quick to catch that.

I hesitated to answer, "...Yes. If I miss the opportunity, it may result in me disappearing forever. Raph, this is the only chance we have, and I cannot live alone in this void any longer. I feel myself slipping every day."

"Belle, I can't lose you!" He cried out.

"You already lost me once... wouldn't you feel better knowing I was gone and not trapped in a nightmare?"

He stopped, "I thought you were gone. I felt miserable." he paused, before adding, "but, I felt even worse when you told me you were here."

"Please Raphon," I offered my sincerest voice, "You need to do this for me. I'm sure I can do it, but so long as you're in my brain, I can't come back.

Raphon didn't argue. He didn't even bother pointing out that none of this was scientific fact, or that I was trusting the guesses presented to me by someone who was essentially another me. He just responded with an affirmation. "Belle... you'd better come back."

"I promise you I will. I will wait until I see that gateway, and when I get back, I'm going to get the biggest bag of tacos ever. We'll sit in the grass with Clover and shove them in our face by the pond."

Raph responded, and I could tell that there was apprehension in his voice, but I didn't want to press it, "That'll be nice. She misses you almost as much as I do. I wished that I could hold him, or see him. I wished that I could offer him a sincere expression to ease his mind... but unfortunately there was nothing of that sort in this place. Instead, I offered my usual retort.

"Alright, it's time for you to go, meathead. Take care of my head until I get back. If my hair looks like crap when I wake up, I will bite your ear."

He laughed, "No wonder we went extinct. Chimera brains were wired by the worst programmers in the universe." I returned his sentiment and we both laughed. We laughed laughter that masked the actual anxiety that was coursing through our minds like a raging monster.

Once we ceased our cackling, he offered up a sincere voice. "Belle, I just..."

"Wanted to tell me you love me? I know. I love you too."

Chapter

Dr. Peregrine

Following my brief interaction with Lu in the hallway, I had returned to my quarters and begun to prepare to retire for the evening. Changing out of my lab coat and scrubs, I approached the mirror of my bathroom and looked at the graying face staring back at me. About my abdomen, there was still a balded stripe where my cesarean scar refused to allow fur to grow anymore, and I found myself gently running my fingertip along the revealed skin wistfully. I had been thinking about my children a lot more, lately. Raphon and Belle had always been a troublesome pair, but lately it seemed that they had been engaging in more and more stressful antics. First and foremost had been Belle's antisocial behavior, though I encouraged her to simply be herself. Next came the pair's budding hormones, which had resulted in no few uncomfortable interactions with their classmates' families. All of these were normal parental worries, I told myself, but nothing could have prepared me for the kind of scientific anomaly that would rob me of one of my two children.

Since her disappearance, I had lost nearly ten pounds and was in a constant state of panic and depression. The only person who kept me grounded when I began to melt down was Lu. I was fortunate to have such a level-headed person in my life, even if that level-headedness came with a sort-of robotic personality. Once in a while she would show how much she cared, and it was almost more uncomfortable than when she was monotone.

Replacing my work clothes with pajamas, I quickly brushed my teeth and worked my way toward my bed, only to be stopped by the sound of someone knocking on my door. Had Lu come back? It wouldn't be the first time she had come by after-hours to spend the evening with me: Our relationship wasn't exactly a secret, and despite the fact that it violated so many ethical codes, nobody seemed eager to do anything about it. Perhaps this was because we both held so much seniority or experience, or perhaps because Lu was so good at distancing her romantic life and business life that nobody felt the need to intervene.

I twisted the knob, which I hadn't felt the need to lock, pushing the door back just as a huge chimera body collapsed to the floor outside. Without hesitation, I lunged to catch them, but only managed to slow their fall slightly as they were far too heavy for me to support, myself. Raphon's eyes had gone as dead as Belle's and I felt my heart sink instantaneously, my eyes stinging as I feared the worst. I called for help, and every door in the wing opened to reveal lab staff, some in bed clothes, some still dressed for the day, and others keeping their bodies hidden behind the doors for modesty. Many rushed to help, and with their assistance, I managed to carry the twins into my room and laid them out on my bed.

I was beginning to cry just as Dr. Lu entered the room. To an outside view, she looked indifferent to the situation; cold. I knew better: She was speechless. Though her eyes were as focused as ever, her jaw was slack from the surprise of it all. I knelt by my bed and rested my head atop Belle and Raphon's chest, sobbing while the entire lab looked on without a word.

"Dr. Peregrine?" I heard a voice that lifted my spirit immensely. Peering down at me from the end of the bed was Raph's head, craning to get a better look.

"Oh my god! Raph! I was afraid we'd lost you too!" Leaping to hug his neck, I sighed with relief, catching the faintest of smiles from Dr. Lu out of the corner of my eye.

"Sorry to make you worry, but get this: I talked to Belle." He shouted excitedly.

I'm sure I looked dumbfounded, even with my tear-filled eyes. All around the room, everyone was staring in astonishment. "Y-you what?"

"She's still in there. She says she can't come back because I'm in control of her brain." He had been poking his cranium in indication of his brain and thereby Belle's location.

Dr. Lu approached and gently poked the location of shoulder just between their necks. "Actually, she's probably here." He looked confused by this approach, so she continued, "Through our research we have discovered that there is a... gateway point between the chimera brains, minus subject 3... the snake. In Carmen, it allowed for control of both heads, but in your case, it provided a sort of... barrier between you two. Still, even with this information, there was nothing we could use it for, regarding Belle's return."

Raphon shook his head, "I don't know anything about that, but is there a way to cut off my control of the other brain?"

Dr. Lu looked thoughtful, "We could very well cut off the pathway... temporarily of course. It's not a complicated process."

"NO!" I shouted, "Out of the question! If it fails, Belle's head could be rendered brain dead."

"I know about that. Belle is trapped alone in a limbo where time passes way slower than in reality. She said she'd rather die than be alone in there. I've been there, Dr. Peregrine! It's horrible!"

"This isn't just about her, Raph. If that head goes brain dead, it will just hang there, empty on your shoulder. Not only that, but there's no guarantee she won't just be trapped anyway, and then there will be no place for her to go. "

I saw him hesitate, but he shook his head, "Belle wanted this."

"I don't care. It's too risky, and I will not authorize the lab staff to perform a procedure like this." I stamped my bare foot on the floor and vaguely registered the pain.

"I will." I heard a nearby voice. Dr. Lu stepped forward and placed her hand upon Raphon's shoulder. "I will authorize it."

"You can't do that!" I protested, despite the look of relief on Raphon's face. The staff around us began to fidget and look about nervously as my temper flared, "I will never forgive you!"

She closed her eyes, as if suppressing some sort of emotion, and motioned dismissively. "Dr. Peregrine you are relieved of duty until further notice." I felt my heart sink: She was pulling rank. My fists clenched. My body shook. My eyes closed tightly. I waited until everyone had left my chambers before I unleashed the pent-up aggression I had been holding down after her betrayal. I screamed and raved until I was hoarse. I threw items around my room until succumbing to exhaustion and collapsing onto my bed, heaving sobs into my pillow. My babies. She was going to kill my babies.

The next day, I was barred from the lab area and restricted to the residential wing and the side exit in case I needed to go out. I managed to persuade Dr. Kringle to deliver information regarding the goings-on. He reported that the procedure would begin at noon, and that they would be surgically disabling the link between Raphon and the central 'brain' nerve where their brain stems met. All I could think about was how many things could go wrong. What if there was an error? What if they paralyzed them or even killed them? By now I had devolved into a ball of anxiety and worry. My entire morning was spent in a vicious cycle of drinking coffee, pacing, and restraining myself from rushing into the lab.

The hours ticked by, and I fed my shaking, stress-addled form with vending machine snacks from down the hall. Around five til one, when I had all but determined that I was going to stop the proceedure by any means necessary, I heard a knock on my door. Opening it, I found Dr. Lu standing outside, but she looked different. She was disheveled; unkempt. Her hair was a mess, her makeup was non-existent, and she looked as though she hadn't slept the entire night. I wanted to believe that what she had done was bothering her, but somehow I doubted it.

I stood quietly and waited for her to speak, and eventually she opened her mouth and offered me her usual, cold voice. "The procedure is over."

I looked confused, "wait... but Dr. Kringle said..."

"Exactly what I told him to say. We couldn't risk you running in at the last minute and jeopardizing the children." I faintly noticed her use of the word 'children,' but I was at the post-end of anger: a point in which I had become so tired and numb that I had given up with unnecessary words. Behind me, the clock with my alarm still ticked another three minutes until the supposed time of the procedure.

I took a deep breath. I wanted to tell her how angry I was. I wanted to tell her that I would never forgive her for taking such a risk with my children. I wanted to shout about how she had pulled rank to keep me from seeing them in this time of need, but at that moment I only had one question. "How did it go?"

She licked her lips, wetting them before speaking again, searching for the proper words. "Both heads are unconscious, so at the very least, there is no brain death. There's no way to tell what's going on inside either of them at the moment, regarding identity. I came to get you, because their mother should be the first thing they see when they wake up."

"You sound confident that it succeeded," I spat bitterly.

"I wish I were. I am, however confident that I did what was in their best interest.

"That's not your decision." I sneered.

"Nor is it yours. It was theirs. I was just willing to let them make it." my heart stopped beating for the briefest of moments at that statement. She was right. In all the years of being a parent, I hadn't noticed that my 'babies' had grown up and were capable of making their own decisions. Silence fell over us as I stared at my slipper-clad feet and thought about everything that had happened. Despite my resentment at that moment, I gave in to my need for closeness and threw my arms around Dr. Lu, who held me as eagerly as she ever had.

"Thank you for taking care of them."I mumbled the words into her dark, messy hair and sniffed back mucus as bittersweet tears began again.

Dr. Lu shook her head, "I love you, Abigail. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or your children." I didn't respond, only buried my face deeper into her neck, taking her scent as a comfort after the lengthy period alone. Finally, we separated and she gave me that smile that was as rare as a gleaming diamond, "Come, let's go wait for them to wake up. There's still much work to do, Doctor.