Strange Fruit Ch.2 Banana is Friend
My first encounter was short lived. I was new to the world of online dating, but Strange Fruit had a good track record. They took the time to highlight couples that found one another on their app, so I knew it was good. I think it was this one couple, a monkey who was in med school and a rat not far from my town, that really got me feeling optimistic. If they could find each other then maybe I could find someone too.
All I wanted was someone nice , cool ,and not boring because life in that old town was beginning to be bleak. So of course when I got a message saying "Are you looking to have some fun" I thought I was off to a good start. I was at work when I got the message so I sneaked away to the bathroom to read it. It said the message came from a guy just a few feet away. That's the thing about that app , It let's you know how close you are to people you talk to. In theory it's a nice ability but it felt so strange knowing that someone was that close and I had no Idea where they were. Luckily anyone on the app had to make a bio, so I got to see a picture of the guy that messaged me and I read what he had to say about himself.
Favorite fruit -not a banana
Male
Monkey
Age- 19
Looking for - friends and fun
Favorite quote- I'm not for everyone
He had a nice picture and his bio seemed OK. He was looking for "friends and fun " like me so I replied "sure U could use some fun". At the time I had no idea what "fun" meant but later on that day he invited me to his place. He even went so far as to send directions. But I was still at work , and I had to go home to help my mom clean out the garage that day. So I sent him a message simply saying "sorry , I'm busy" to which he responded to with "it's cool".
I wanted a little excitement but to be honest I rarely had the time for any. I had an actual job , a job that I worked 5 days a week. So when my monkey friend would message me every day asking if I was "up for some fun" I'd have to say "sorry I'm busy". But there was a part of me that felt glad to have an excuse not to meet. I was scared. Meeting someone for the first time that you've only spoken to online is not easy. It wasn't easy . I knew people met that way all the time , we live in a tech filled world where online dating is a norm, but it was a first for me. But he didn't seem to concerned about my being busy. Infant, we got to talk a lot during the week while I was at work. I worked at a clothing store called "Shay's Shack" we sold used phones and tablets, which is actually how I got my first phone so cheap. The shack rarely got business so I was free to talk to my monkey friend.
I learned his name was Watson. He went to high school with me , and we even shared a few classes. it took me a while to remember him , but I did. He moved to town not long before graduation. He didn't have an accent, so no one knew where he was from. I think the reason he didn't give up on me was because he knew me.
It dawned on me that I wasn't the only person from high school who stayed in town after graduation. How many people had I looked over and thought wouldn't accept me when in fact there plenty just like me. I thought I was undetectable, but my reintroduction to Watson showed me perhaps I had a bad radar.
Saturday came and I didn't not have work to get to. I was sleeping well into the afternoon when my phone buzzed and I got a message from Watson. He wanted me to come over, and for once I had no reason to decline. My chest sank in on itself , I was terrified. I left my room to find my mom , I was looking for a way out. But my mom had nothing for me to do.
I realized my fear was in letting myself be my other self. When your in the closet but your trying to see people you end up having two versions of yourself. They are very similar down to one detail. Your gay and your hiding it , or your gay and your not hiding it. The longer your the version that hides the harder it is to be the version that doesn't. You've never allowed yourself to act on your impulses or feelings, and you can't handle the thought of it going badly. Watson was gay but that didn't stop my fear of him knowing I was gay. Those days of talking over the phone on a gay dating app were nothing in comparison to being in person. Over a phone you can talk to a real person, but your not in the same room. In a way it can feel like your connecting to your phone not a person. Over the phone I could filter myself, I could think and plan out my every word , but in person there is no planning.
I was loosing my shit still looking for a reason not to go until he sent another message simply saying " I've never done this before" . He was probably just as scared as me, or at the very least that's what I told myself as I got dressed and ready to try to have a life. As I walked out the front door of my mom's house I replied "I'll be there in 5".
I wish I had driven a car to Watson's house because the walk was a lot longer than five minutes. The worst part wasn't the heat , it wasn't the country bugs, or even the cars pass me by mocking my having to walk. The worst part was my paranoia mixed with my hormonal teen aged minde. My part of me kept thinking every one who saw me on my walk knew what I was doing as if they somehow had access to the messages on my phone. The other part of my mind was telling me "you don't want to be alone forever, keep going, get a fucking life". Together I was at war with myself up until the very moment I found myself standing at Watson's door step. He had a nice place , or I should say his parents had a nice place. It was a two story house with red brick a nice yard and plenty of big windows. I rang the door bell. At that time it was pretty dark out so as Watson's dad walked through the house I saw lights flick on through the windows as he came to the door. He opened the door , and behind him was Watson walking from some room to another before he quickly ruched to the door and pushed his dad out of the way.
Watson - you said you'd be here an hour ago
Before I could say anything he pulled me inside and walked me through his house so quickly I couldn't remember a thing as we passed it. We got up to his room on the second floor. He shut the blinds on his windows, shut his door, and turned on his TV.
Watson -I thought you weren't coming
Leon- it was a longer walk than expected
His room was a bit of a mess. There were clothes scattered on his floor , food on his dresser. And there was some kind of smell. I didn't want to think it was his feet because he was a monkey and that would have been bad of me, but there was a smell. But to be honest I knew my bedroom wasn't clean. We were both still teenagers living with our parents so I wasn't judging anyone.
Watson - you were supposed to be here earlier so my dad wouldn't see you
Leon- I'm sorry, I didn't know
Watson - it's fine , we'll just have to be fast about it
Leon- about what
Watson -what do you mean , you wanted to have sex right
Leon - what
Watson - you said you wanted to have fun , what did you think fun was
Leon- I don't know watch a movie hang out , something
There was an awkward moment of silence. He scratched his head and I looked away as we both reevaluated.
Watson - so you don't want to have sex
Leon- no, I mean I don't know, you said this was your first time but this feels pretty normal to you
Watson - first time with someone from high school
He sat on his bed and stood unsure of what to do.
Watson - you thought I wanted to watch a movie
Leon- or something, I don't know
He looked at me an his unsure face changed into a smile , more of a grin really.
Watson - what movie
Leon- what
Watson- what movie do you wanna watch
Leon-I hadn't thought about it
Watson - well I can't let you walk home in the dark so let's find something
Leon- your sure
Watson- yea you can spend the night and maybe we can try both our ideas
Leon- I don't know
Watson - well your here , why not see where things go
He made room for me in his bed. I started to get in bed with him but remembered his dad was downstairs.
Leon - what about your dad
Watson- He won't mind a friend sleeping over
Leon- a friend
Watson - yea , a friend and hopefully benefits will follow
Leon- I'm not saying yes
Watson - but your not saying no
He used his tail to grab mine and pull me closer until I was getting in bed with him.
I knew I was gay , but that didn't make every situation with other guys easy. He was obviously in a different mood than I was but I let the moment keep going because he seemed to be patient. I don't even remember the movie he put on.
Watson - so you've never done anything
Leon- nothing
Watson - then this must be a lot all at once
Ironic of him to say as he was basically cuddling me with a hard on against my back.
Watson - I don't want you to get the wrong impression, If you don't want to do anything that's fine , but just say the word
Leon-I how does "fun" mean sex
Watson -what
Leon- "fun", you said it meant sex
Watson- well yea , it just does , getting head is fun , getting to fuck someone is fun, sex is fun
Leon -but I barely even know you
Watson- There are other things we could do
Leon- like what
Watson -well if I'm really the first person you've ever told your gay then I'm assuming you've never kissed anyone
He'd been grinding against me for a while but that is the moment when I felt he was about to do something.
Watson - can I kiss you
Leon- I don't know
Watson - alright man your here and your basically teasing me every second you don't tell me to stop feeling you up
Leon- I didn't tell you I wanted this
Watson - you didn't not tell me to ether , but if we don't get to do anything else at least let me Kiss you
Leon- what if I'm bad at it
Watson - I won't care , just follow my lead and if it's bad we'll stop and just go to sleep
Leon- I don't know
Watson- trust me
He started to turn me so that we were facing one another. There was a heat to that moment. I wasn't saying anything but by not saying a word I was telling him to go ahead, keep going , don't stop. Our lips came closer and closer until I felt his breathing. Our eyes shut slowly as he kissed me and I felt a warmth like a wave rush over me and suddenly he wasn't the only one pent up. He parted my lips with his tongue turning his head to the side so our lips would almost seal. I tried to do as he did following his tongue as well as I could but I felt it becoming a fight inside our mouths , and it felt good. His hand was holding my head to his as he ran his other hand down my body into my underwear. I moaned so loud and tried to pull away.
Watson -it's OK
He pulled me back I'm and that was the end of my being shy. We made out for a while and he stayed to his promise of us not doing anything I didn't want to do. We felt each other up but our clothes stayed on. We were going with no end in sight until there was a knocking at his bedroom door. He pushed me out of his bed as then stood up to answer the door.
He had to speak to his dad about something so I used the time I was alone in his room to call my mom. I thought she'd be worried about where I was but when she picked up the phone she seemed almost unphased by my still being out. Her exact words were "have fun , just don't bring home any babies" then she hung up. What I didn't know is she and my dad were having a get together of sorts while I was out of the house. None the less when Watson came back I was ready to get back to whatever it was we were doing, maybe even more.
Watson - you know I never actually make friends on that app
Leon- yea
Watson -yea , so maybe this is a good thing
I was waiting for him to get back into bed. Why was he not getting back in his bed?
Watson - I'm gonna go take care of this
He was talking about his hard on that he'd hid in the waistband of his shorts under his shirt.
Leon- what
Watson - yea , I was gonna try to get you in the mood but I could use a friend
What was he talking about? He got me rock hard and all of a sudden he just didn't feel like pressuring me any more?
Leon- just a friend
Watson - I think your right about the whole us not knowing each other thing , most guys I have over I fuck then kick out, but that doesn't feel right with you because you didn't come here looking for that , right?
Leon-right
I didn't know what I wanted but clearly I'd somehow talked my way out of it.
Watson - just give me five minutes
The rest of the night I slept in his bed and he slept on the floor. He said he didn't want to be tempted to try something, but I kept looking over the side of his bed wondering if it be OK to jump him.
That next morning came and I Watson felt the need to sneak me out of the house before his parents were awake. I don't know why he had to sneak me out when his dad knew I was there, but I didn't question it.
What the hell kind of night was that? Could I even call it progress, and if so then progress to what? We didn't have sex and somehow it felt like a walk of shame on my way home. Of course later that day I got an answer to my question. Watson sent me a message that read " hey sorry about last night I know you were getting into it but I didn't want to be that guy who has to fuck everyone but can't have a conversation". I kinda wish we'd had sex. It was my first time talking myself into the friend zone.