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I thought it best to cut off all connection to the outside world for the next few days and didn't leave Colton's house. I'd never been much of a gamer, but within three days I fancied I was developing a healthy addiction to the Bioshock series. After initial grimacing about how messed up the violence in it was, and Colton shrugging and saying 'Well you've got a nice taste for blood now after all,' I couldn't put the controller down.

When Colton's dad finally told the pair of us we needed to get some fresh air, we tried the swimming lessons again. This time I threw in 'Imagine we're Trick and Dolphin' for good measure. Colton had even ordered a pair of adult water wings, and told us 'Any photos of this get out and I will kill you all.'

Just when it seemed like it was working, something would go wrong and Colton would panic and get out and lie on the poolside calming himself. Every time he said 'I'm getting better' afterwards. I wanted to believe him, but I knew what was coming.

'This ought to be working by now,' he said, pulling the water wings off and tossing them away. 'Why the fuck isn't it?' At least he could sit on the pool edge and put his feet in while we talked. 'Maybe I need a therapist.'

Colton had an awkward history with therapists and psychiatrists. Several had said they couldn't treat him, blaming him for being unwilling to be treated. 'Maybe I can try something,' I said. 'I can ask the coaches at my club if they've ever coached anyone with fear issues. You're not alone in the world with this. Did you Google it?'

'Well yeah, course I did. All the internet says is to try everything we already have. And...don't you dare laugh, why do you think I started watching the otters? Even associating deep water with hot sex doesn't change anything. You almost had me at the role play as Trick and Dolphin thing. Then I was just plain old Soft Pads Colton again.'

So that was why he watched them so much. It had occurred to me, but seemed far fetched. I tipped my head and playfully flicked my wet tail. 'Paw inspection?'

'Sorry Todd-coon, I don't think I'm in the mood. And...okay, awkward time, but I'm feeling exhausted lately. And a little bit sore. Okay, a lot sore. The sex, the running, trying to swim...I love being with you, but can we maybe take the pace down a little bit? I think my meds might actually be working. I'm...not so up for it this week. And less booze. Both of us. I don't wanna be the guy who gave you a home that you left with a drinking problem.'

I laughed now. 'Relax, Colton. We're both fine. We're only eighteen. That's bombproof.'

'Yeah? When did you last leave the house? You haven't been going to your clubs all week.' He poked me in the side. 'You're getting pudgy.'

'I am so not.'

'Yeah? Go weigh yourself, right now. Come back and honestly tell me you haven't been gaining weight. Your 5K was slower last week.'

'If I weigh myself with wet fur then of course it's going to say I'm heavier. Not everybody's at peak performance all the time, no matter what training they do.'

He was right though. I weighed myself later when I was dry, took one look at the numbers, shook my head and said 'Shit.' The next evening, I broke my agoraphobia before it could start and went to my swimming club.

That was the evening they told me I wasn't welcome anymore.

* * *

'Jack, come on, I've been training in this club since I was five years old. What's wrong with me now?'

I was trying to hold my temper, despite wanting to explode. This was supposed to have happened already, if it was going to, and I'd always known it wouldn't, because Jack Tattinger, a human, was a man of the real world and had probably seen dozens of swimmers come out in his sixty years alive. I knew it wasn't about that though. Only one thing had changed since my last swim at the club.

'Todd, listen, I don't like having to do this, I really don't.' At least he was sitting and talking to me over a glass of water in the cafe. Everyone else was already training. 'But look. I know you've been under a whole world of stress, and we've all had a fight at least once in our life. But you smashed a bottle in someone's face. That's more serious than just having a fight, even if there weren't charges. Which I've got to say, I'm surprised about.'

'When have I ever lost my temper here at the club, Jack? When was I ever even a sore loser? When have I ever -'

'Todd, just listen to me. This is a club for all ages. You're one of the adults now, the guys setting an example. People know about what's been happening. Our younger members are talking about you. I don't think you'll like what's getting said if you hear it. This isn't the best place for you to be right now. You need time to deal with these problems you've got and get treatment if you need it.'

Get treatment? Where the fuck did he suddenly get off? I didn't need treatment. 'So you're banning me for my own good. What do you suddenly know about what's good for me? Sports are good for stress, right? That's what you people always told me. What happened to that now?'

'I'm not banning you, Todd. I'm asking you not to come for a while.'

'But if I refuse to stop coming I get banned then, right? And you're hoping a while just turns into forever and you conveniently get rid of me. Because you've got no reason for asking me to leave at all. This is total...' In all my life I'd never cursed a coach out, or even lost it with one, but I still heard Drew in my head saying I wouldn't stand up for it. 'Bullshit,' I said. 'This is bullshit, Jack. You know it. I never expected this from you. Some of the others, maybe. Not you.'

'I don't want this to be difficult,' Jack said. 'Please don't make it that way. Don't add to how bad you're already feeling by creating a situation out of this. Because I have to be honest with you, it's not just about the fight. People have heard about how it all started. And that it's true you got seen having sex with your partner in a public place. This is a sport where you have to be little more than naked around other people. Those two things...don't go well together.'

I actually gasped, my mouth nearly fully open. 'What exactly are you saying, Jack?' I said, when I found I could breathe again. 'That I'm some kind of...I don't even believe this.'

'I know,' he said holding up his hands. 'I know you've always been decent here, just like everyone else. But look at this from where I am: when it's known that someone's done what you have, I can't ignore it. It's my job to keep everyone here safe. I can't simply cite your good reputation, Todd. It isn't enough. You say you didn't expect this from me? Frankly, I never expected this kind of thing from you.'

I put my hands over my eyes. 'I don't believe this. I'm getting treated like one night in a barn makes me a sex offender?'

'That's not what I said, Todd.'

'You called it a public place. It wasn't a public place, it was a barn. What's the worst they could pin on me, trespass? That's nothing. Drew Tarbuck saw nothing. He saw me and Colton sitting naked on a straw bail. That's having sex in public now?'

'It was immodest behaviour, Todd. And I didn't want to mention it, but is it true Drew Tarbuck had to clean up after you because you left a pair of wet pants in that barn? That's hardly a nice or decent way to behave, is it?'

'Oh, that's an excuse for what Drew said to me? And that was in a public place. All he wanted was a fight. So I threw a bottle. I wish to God I hadn't, I knew it was wrong when I did it and it's not who I am, Jack. I was angry. I lost it. But I've got feelings, just like everyone else. What right did someone like Drew have to out me, to call me a faggot in public and say I ought to be shot and go to hell? All he saw was two people naked, and he got me kicked out of my home? What harm did I ever do to him? Did I damage any of his property? No. Did I intend for him to see me like that? No. He simply doesn't like me. He made it personal. I'd challenge you not to throw something if someone insulted you like that. Didn't you ever get angry, Jack? Even just once?

'This isn't about me, Todd. This is you.'

'Then don't do this to me Jack. I need this place, I need to train. You want an example set? Until this happened I was writing the book on how you work your ass off to be a better swimmer. I was one of your best people! This is exactly what Drew Tarbuck and every asshole like him wants. People turning their backs on me for one mistake.'

Jack's stare hardened, and I knew it was final word time. 'I can't have you training in my club, Todd. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. And I'll say it to you if no-one else will: it wasn't one mistake. The sooner you take a step back and look at how you've behaved the better.'

'Excuse me?'

'There are people in this club asking questions about what your intentions have always been in coming here. Unless you accept that certain things you've done were wrong, they're going to keep asking those questions.'

I stood up, my hackles up so hard that I felt like a furry balloon under my hoody. 'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?'

'Go home, Todd.' Jack left me alone in the cafe and went out to the poolside.

I didn't call Colton for a ride home. I walked to the skate park knowing that's where he'd be, and thankfully found him practicing alone. I told him the whole sorry tale.

'I don't even believe this,' Colton said. 'People like this still exist? He told you it was for your own good? And people are doing what, questioning your intentions like you were always some sort of predator? This is bullshit, discrimination. If you hired a lawyer over this you could end this fucking guy. Were there any witnesses to what he said?'

'I'm not hiring a lawyer, Colton, I'm not doing anything. I'm done. With all of this. I wasn't joking around before. I don't want to go to New York and play ball. I don't even want to go to college anymore. You know why I wanted it in the first place? It wasn't for me. It was to make my family proud of me. Because I was the one who wasn't lazy and pudgy and wasn't going to grow up to be a trucker or a mechanic or a security guard or...I don't know what. Maybe being all those things is fine. I've tried to be special. It's fucking shit. I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything. All I wanted was my family looking up to me. My dad more than anyone. Because I thought he was awesome. For doing what he could with what he had. And he told me I could be anything, like really be anything. Now look. Look at who we both really turned out to be.'

'Okay,' Colton sat down next to me. 'Here's what you need to hear. One positive thing. You've picked the best fox in the world to be with. Because I've got all my own version of what you're feeling like right now and I know how to deal with feeling like this. So we're gonna go home, play Bioshock, watch some channel seven, have some Long Island and just keep talking shit until things seem a little bit better.'

'I don't want to, Colton. I just want to go for a walk. On my own.'

'Uh-uh, Todd-coon. And before you say I can't stop you, I can and here's how: that time I disappeared for five days was after Al's funeral. Mum and Dad didn't want me to go to it, so I snuck out of school. I went. I got up and said how he saved my life when the priest said 'Would anyone else like to say anything?' I don't know what happened to me right then. Just that I wanted to go for a walk too. So I took all the money out of my bank account and just started walking and thinking I'd go home when it ran out. I walked all the way out to New Jersey and then after that I'm not sure where I was heading. Just roads I'd never seen. Until I found myself sitting in a truck that someone like your dad had left unlocked. Remember that thing with Cassano's car, where you hoped I wouldn't find a gun under the seat? This truck had one. The trucker came back and found me sitting with it in my lap.' Colton stopped talking and looked at me. 'Don't go walking on your own, Todd-coon. Not when you feel like this.'

I looked down the street, and felt sober enough to take a deep breath and so tired I could probably sit and cry myself to sleep right there on the top of a half pipe. 'Why didn't you do it?'

'What, shoot myself? I was never going to. I just wanted to sit in somebody's truck and then I found a gun and I had these weird thoughts I'd never had before. I just sat there daydreaming about what would happen if I did what Al had done. I wanted to feel like I was on the edge, just to make sure I wasn't. The trucker, he didn't know what the fuck to do. He just kept standing there saying 'Come on son, just put the safety on and hand it to me through the window and let's talk about this.' I kept him strung out for ten minutes before I did it. Then I got out and asked if he'd buy me lunch. He did it. Then he talked me into calling Mum and Dad. And that's it. Story over. Sorry, no mess, no kidnapping, nothing worse than what you already know about me. Point is, being alone when you're feeling down works, until you realise you still don't know what you want. But I get it, about your sports thing. All jocks doubt themselves. Why else do they sometimes lose? It's like you said. Nobody's at peak performance all the time.'

I sighed, and let him put his arm around me and stroke the fur over my heart, and this time I felt nothing from it at all, except the relief that someone was here. 'It's not just the family thing. It's not just me either. You wanna know what I knew, before all this started?'

'What?'

'I'm not that good, Colton. At any of it. Sure, I can blow some people away, sure raccoons aren't known for doing what I do. But I don't think you know how sports scholarships work. I don't even think you know about sports much. Because here it is: if I was a future pro, I'd have been headhunted for this and offered buckets of money about three or four years ago. Talent scouts are everywhere, they've been to our school, they picked nobody. Apart from a couple of the otters at the swimming club. The guys I've spent half my life trying to be. I've spotted a few scouts. Or at least I think I have. They just all nodded their heads at me, maybe a little bit impressed, and then remembered their job was to be more than just a little bit impressed. So I had to apply for my own scholarship instead of getting handed it. You know why I got New York State's basketball team? They suck. Just like you when you try to get in a pool.'

'Ouch. Thanks. Supportive coach all over.' He hugged me closer.

'You see the reality now though, don't you? The only place I could get accepted was the one where nobody wants to go. Every year they hope they get lucky and a few chumps like me try to keep their dream alive, and someone might come along who keeps theirs alive, just for a year or so. This isn't the bottom of the ladder, it's lying down on the pavement and staring up at the window cleaner and still thinking one day you'll be the CEO on that floor he's cleaning.'

'Did I ever tell you maybe you should switch majors from engineering to English? Or is that the guy drilling the pavement who wishes they were really an architect?' Colton rubbed my back. 'Come on, dummy. Let's go home. But just before we do, who do you think deserves more respect in sports? The guys who are on the TV and earning millions in the NBA or the guys who keep doing what they love even though the best shot they have is turning the worst team on Earth around? Because if that's New York, I think you should go.'

'Not more pressure, Colton. Not now.'

'Sorry. But just think about it. Because now's not...'

'What is it?'

Colton's nose was twitching. 'Man, what's that smell? I already know that can't just be you. That aint even you with a hangover.' He got up. 'The hell's....woah, look at that!'

I got up and turned around. The air on the other side of town was filled with black smoke. Enough of it had drifted to the skate park that the air had a slight sheen on it. Colton was right, it smelt pretty noxious even from a distance.

My phone rang. Alfie.

'Okay, before you call me and have a freak out, I was not involved. I been at home all evening with Roxy and the kid. Now tell me you had nothing to do with it and you've got an alibi and I can sleep tonight.'

'Involved with what?'

'You haven't seen it yet? The fire. Go look out of a window.'

'I'm looking at it right n....oh fuck. Tell me it's not.'

'Yup. It's the Tarbuck's farm. The barn went up first. Then the house. Then just about everything else. And I promise, bro. I did nothing. So where's your fox?'

'He's right here,' I said.

'He been with you all evening?'

Colton, who had obviously heard, was looking at me with eyes wide, already tensing up and raising his hands, shaking his head.

'Yeah. Err...I gotta go, Alfie.' I rang off.

'I went running,' Colton said. 'Then skating. Then I was coming to pick you up. Todd, I had nothing to do with it. I promise.'

'I believe you,' I said. 'But...'

'But what?'

'Can anyone vouch for where you were? Anyone at all? We're going to get the police round about this. Who else has got the motive for this right now?'

'Ah shit raccoon, chill out will you? They won't even bother. Alfie was right about the Tarbucks, they're lucky to avoid going bankrupt every year. They've torched their own place; it's an insurance job. Now's the perfect timing because they're trying to make it look like us. No cop in the world's ever going to buy it.'

Wrong. They were already waiting when we got back to the house.

* * *

'It's awfully convenient timing, Vincent.'

This wasn't the cops who'd arrested him on prom night, or the ones I'd seen at Argle's. This was a stoic lieutenant called Cooley, a wolf.

'You say you went out for this run at five o'clock? Half an hour later the fire starts. Then you're back on the other side of town skating. Your parents said you took the car out. And you weren't wearing sports gear.'

'I don't have any proper sports gear.' Colton looked at me. 'I only started because of him. I had to pick him up from swimming tonight. So I took the car to the skate park, went running in a loop around three blocks, then I got my board out until I had to go get him. And then he turned up because he didn't end up going swimming. Like he told you.'

How was that for a kick in the face. My alibi was now Jack Tattinger. Who for all I knew about him now might just deny we'd ever spoken.

'And nobody was at the skate park tonight? At all?'

'Thought you'd be glad about that. Skaters are always causing trouble, right?'

'Vincent, let me make this crystal clear: without anyone who can vouch for you doing what you said, you're prime suspect in an arson attack which could turn into attempted murder. The whole Tarbuck family were inside that house when it went up. You gonna treat this seriously or you think this is still something you can dick around over?'

'I'll treat it seriously when you've got anything you can prove,' Colton said, lighting a cigarette, none of his usual nonchalant cool showing this time. He looked like he was sweating underneath. 'Ask Todd. He turned up early, unexpected. I was right there at the park. We talked for a good long time. That means my run only lasted fifteen minutes, because he was there at...'

'Half past five,' I said, glad that I knew it was true. 'It's true. Colton wouldn't have had time to get all the way over to the other side an-'

'I'll do the thinking, Aldrington,' Cooley said, standing a little straighter. 'When you got there, did Colton look like he'd been running?'

Oh shit. My silence said it all before I could realise how trapped I was. Colton actually hadn't looked like he'd been for a run. I'd seen him after just fifteen minutes of running in the heat before, and he hadn't looked like that tonight. What was he doing? Lying to try and cover his tracks even though he was innocent?

He was, wasn't he?

'I'll ask you again, Aldrington. Did he look like he'd been running.'

'Yeah,' I said. 'I mean...not hard running exactly, but he was sweating a little bit. He's been getting fitter, I don't really know what to expect now after I've seen him running. And he was skating. Yeah, he looked like he'd been exercising.'

'But it could have been the skating, not the running?'

'I believe him sir,' I said. 'I know he didn't do this.'

'Yeah, the belief is obvious,' Cooley said, his eyes a little narrower. 'What you know? That's another thing now, isn't it?'

'You gonna arrest me, dickhead?' Colton said. 'I don't think so. You're here because you've got nothing. You can't even take me in, let alone charge me. And by the way, if you're doing all the thinking, think about this: you don't burn a place that big down unless you know what you're doing and you've got time, and you're prepared, with the stuff that makes it happen. Check my juvenile record all you want: there's nothing on it about arson. Because I don't know how to do it. The barn? Sure, anyone could go in there and drop a cigarette. The rest of it? You're not dumb enough to think it's that simple. Why don't you go talk to the Tarbucks about what financial shit they're in right now? They did this themselves and I'm the perfect stitch-up.'

As Cooley was about to make a reply sure to shoot Colton's smart answer down, the front door opened. Chantelle and Michael came back in from their evening out.

'What's happening here?' Michael said. 'What have you two done?'

'Thanks Dad,' Colton said. 'Nice of you to assume we didn't call the cops because something happened to us.'

'But it didn't,' Michael said. 'Did it? So answer the question.'

Cooley explained it all so Colton didn't have to, and then declined the offer of some coffee, saying he had to get back to the farm and talk to the fire department. 'We'll fix a time for you boys to come down the station, because there'll be some further questions, and I know you two aren't dumb enough to refuse to come voluntarily. 9AM tomorrow will be just fine.'

After the door shut, an uncomfortable silence held.

'You don't believe me, do you?' Colton said, staring both his parents down. 'I did nothing.'

'Did we say that?' Michael said. 'Calm down and don't jump to conclusions.'

'Conclusions?' Colton said, his voice louder. 'The only conclusion I've got right now's that it's written all over your face. I know when you don't believe me. You never fucking do.'

'Yes we do,' Chantelle said, in the sternest voice I'd heard her use yet. 'And if you're innocent then you've got nothing to worry about, have you? So cool off. Now.'

Colton wasn't cooling off. 'And you,' he said, looking at me, halfway back to the same face he'd snarled at me with on his blank day. 'Don't think I didn't notice how you answered that question. You didn't think I'd been running at all. Did you?'

'No,' I said. 'I didn't. Notice how I said you had anyway? Why didn't you just tell him you never went running and just went to the skate park? I believe you when you say you didn't do this. So why did you have to invent a story?'

Something almost got through to him. Then it was back to hackles-up Colton. 'You're a shit liar, Aldrington. You had it written all over you in front of that cop. You didn't believe me and everything you said told him "cover up." Thanks a whole fucking bunch for that.'

'You're being a complete child,' I said. 'What happened to the Colton who was telling me that story, an hour ago? Now suddenly you think I don't trust you?'

'Because you don't!' Colton shouted. 'Right after that phone call from your asshole brother where the first thing he asks is where I am. You didn't believe me. Has nothing I've tried to do since our first night made any difference? Every time something happens you're just going to think it's me?'

Chantelle stepped in now. 'Face it, Colton, you're not a saint. And every time you lose it like this protesting your innocence, what do you think it says? That you're innocent? This is a stupid way to handle this and you need to calm down.

'I'm going to bed.' He glared at me. 'You can sleep on the fucking couch.' he stormed off upstairs and slammed the door.

I stood and stared at the open living room door, and felt like smashing things made of glass all over again. Not in Colton's face, not thrown at anyone, just thrown at something. Here it was again. I was walking into the fight, all the way upstairs to Colton's bedroom door, only to find that he'd put a chair under the handle on the other side.

'Oh_really_ grown up, fox!' I shouted, hammering on the door twice. 'You know what Colton? Fuck you. We're finished. I thought you were the one person I could count on and now you're losing it over some stupid shit like this? You really _are_a complete waste of time. Saying you loved me and you wanted to be different was all just an act. Now I know what's real. And I'm not staying with it. And by the way, coming out online with you was the worst mistake I ever fucking made in my life. I'm taking it all down and replacing it with a post about why I ditched your sorry ass. So fuck off! You can sit and sulk in there for a month for all care!'

The worst part of it was that when my rant was over and I was staring at the door, Colton didn't fling it open, and didn't even shout anything back from the other side. He simply ignored me, until I gave up standing there and walked back downstairs.

'I'm sorry,' I said to Chantelle and Michael. 'I just lost it. Again. I'll get out of your house tonight. Alfie'll have me. I'll go outside and call him. Could I just get a glass of water first please?'

'Sweetie,' Chantelle said, 'my boy's an idiot. And I don't blame you if you really do want to break up with him. But just stay somewhere safe tonight. I don't think Alfie's house will bring you much peace, will it?'

'No offence,' I said, sitting down as she poured the water out for me. 'But will this one?'

'When Colton gets as wound up as that, the headaches come on. He won't be bothering you for the rest of the night. It's just like prom night. He goes nuts and then he crashes. It's like he does it on purpose knowing he's going to punish himself and feel shit about his whole life afterwards. We try to help him, but sometimes it seems like none of us get very far.'

'Except me, right? I can't do this, Chantelle. I can't be a therapy boyfriend to someone. I've got my own problems right now, and I thought he could help me through this, but he can't. Not like this.' I drank the water, realising I was too tired to up sticks and go to Alfie's anyway. I settled for the guest room, saying sorry several times that I'd brought these kinds of problems here and eventually sinking into a restless sleep.

* * *

The next morning I made sure I avoided Colton. He had another one of his blank days, then another headache to go with the one he'd indeed suffered last night. I deliberately helped with nothing, staying in the guest room and going hungry until 10 o'clock after listening to Colton swear at Courtney constantly as she tried to help him take his medication the way I had.

'Todd didn't fuck this up,' he said at one point, and I almost went out to him to tell him Todd wouldn't be doing anything for him again, but I couldn't. I just felt too tired, like I hadn't slept at all.

'Well you fucked up your relationship with Todd bigtime,' she said. 'So now you can just shut up and swallow what I put in your stupid mouth instead.'

Door slamming followed. At least living with my own family had taught me how to just switch off to noise all around me.

'Mum, it's never this bad,' I heard Courtney said just as I was almost drifting off. 'We've got to talk him into going to the doctor again, before he damages himself. Todd was the best thing that ever happened to him. If Todd really does walk away, how unstable's he going to get then?' she sounded like her voice was cracking. 'He needs different medication, none of this shit's working. And a therapist, and he has to want to get treatment this time.'

So this was my life. One depressed, homeless raccoon trying to help an unstable fox with anger management issues and migraines. What was I supposed to do, abandon him to teach him a lesson or stay with him because I'd feel guilty if I walked? Lying in a bed that wasn't mine, emotionally blackmailing myself to the point where I couldn't think.

This was ridiculous. I had to get up and make some coffee and at least pretend I had some confidence in the world.

So I went swimming. I did laps in the Vincent family's pool until I was heaving every breath in and feeling sick with hunger pains, and then I went inside, showered, and asked if I could have breakfast. Chantelle kept feeding me until I could eat no more, and I felt better. And sleepy. I took a long nap on the couch.

When I woke up, Colton was there, looking like he had when he'd come to my house and got my mum to let him in, on the evening of his confession, and our first time together.

'Let's skip the whole sorry thing,' I said, sitting up next to him but without touching him. 'Because I meant it, Colton. I can't be with you if this is how things are going to stay. One minute I love you and we're sharing all the deep personal stuff and it's like the world's better, the next minute it's like I've never known who you are. Except I have. You're the guy who wonders why people don't trust him, when really it's obvious.'

'Yeah, I know.'

'I used to think part of me liked your bad side,' I said. 'Maybe I still do. But there's a bad side and then there's you when you're just nasty. And when I'm worried you're going to end up hurting yourself. That story, when you disappeared. That night when you got arrested at the prom. How many more times like that are you going to have before you really make up your mind you've gotta get control of yourself?'

'Yeah Todd, I know. I hate myself. All the fucking time. Sure, I got all the likes that night we sent that story out, I've got all the friends, all the popularity, and I can't stand who I am. Then I got with you and I thought I'd just got past all that. Then there was last night. I haven't got past anything. I don't want you to leave me. I want to be better. And I know you really did believe me last night. And I swear to you, I had nothing to do with it. And I'm scared. Because I can't prove where I was. And let's face it, it's exactly the sort of thing I would do sometimes. Whether I know how to get it right or not. But attempted murder? What if it really does end up being that I get charged with? I never did it. I swear.'

'I know,' I said. 'Just like I told you. So let's work out how we're going to prove it. Then we've both got to sort our shit out. I've got to sit down with Dad and Alfie's gonna be there and I've got to keep my temper and we work this out like grown-ups. And then you're going to go see a doctor and I'm going to come with you, and you're going to get on a treatment plan that might help. If you want to be part of that brain trial, it doesn't start with you walking into it. It starts with you being stable.'

'I know, Todd-coon,' Colton said, forcing a smile and brushing his tail out from behind him. He tried to touch my face.

I didn't let him. I caught his hand before it could reach me and lightly brushed it away. It was just like Chantelle had said. There was a boundary, a leash. Colton's first test now was how he responded when he found I had it.

'No fooling around, Colton. Not right now. Not until we get serious things sorted out. Because this is about more than just us being together. You have to want this for yourself. Not just to get me to stay with you. Make-up sex and video games and drinking and watching otters on channel seven won't sort this out. So go take a shower. Then you can call the doctor's office and I'll call Alfie.'

'Todd, come on. Right now? I really feel like shit.'

'Good. So do I. That's why I'm doing something about it. So don't make me have to kick ass on my own. I want superfox-Colton back. For good this time.'

Colton brushed his hands over his face and then slicked his ears back, and tried to sit up straight, some vague look of pride coming back to him. 'Alright,' he said, and smiled at me like he meant mischief, but instead he got up and went upstairs. But not before:

'Hey, did you go to the police station this morning? I kinda overslept.'

I hadn't even remembered I was supposed to. But this was a good moment. I smile. 'Course I didn't. It's like you said, what can they prove? They think they can pin this on us? If they could, we'd already be arrested. I'm not volunteering a goddamn thing. Let 'em squirm on that. And the Tarbucks with them.'

'Smart move,' Colton said, pointing his finger at me like a pistol as he went up the stairs.

I sighed with relief, not knowing how I'd got things back or where everything I'd said had come from, but for the first time in a fortnight, I felt like I could face the world. Something had gone right.

Only when I got up, thinking about coffee, did I notice Colton's father in the kitchen doorway. How long had he been there? I'd never seen such a look on a person before. It was like some sort of calm judgement, and it seemed so strange to see it on a man who by appearance was basically Colton with thirty years added to him. He was holding his hands at waist level, and he looked at me with a half smile, nodded and said 'Hmm,' like he was some sort of sensei looking at a dedicated pupil who'd just proven himself. He nodded twice more, then went into the kitchen. I followed him, but he'd already gone through one of the other doors, and the house was silent, no sound of his footsteps.

'Weird,' I whispered to myself.

'Oh don't mind him.'

I jumped. Chantelle was behind me, already holding a cup of coffee for me. 'Leash, raccoon,' she said, her own coffee and cigarette in her other hand. 'Told you. Now you've got it tight. Do _not_let it go. And by the way, two cops came round this morning, but they didn't want to talk to either of you two. They'd been talking to the people who live by the skate park. Colton was there when he said. He didn't go running, he made that up, but he's got his alibi.'

I gave another sigh of relief as the caffeine gave my heart a jolt. 'I didn't know if I believed him,' I whispered. 'Last night. I didn't know. I just wanted to.'

'Me neither,' his mother said. 'And me too. Maybe next time this will be easier.'

'Next time?'

'There's_always_ a next time,' she said. 'But as long as you're with my son, I promise you will never be bored.'