Who Am I? Part 02
Dirk slid his identcard through the reader and stumbled into his room. Small doors lined both walls three high and five deep with built in ladders running up the left side of each vertical group. He slowly walked down the hall until he reached the third group and thanked God that he had a tube on the bottom row. A small name card was wedged into the groove above the palm pad that read "DRK".
Dirk pressed his palm against the pad and pulled the small door open. He reached in and pressed a button on the side and a drawer slid across the opening. Dirk pulled out a pair of boxers and tossed them further into the tube. He kept the door propped open with his leg as he stripped off all his clothes. He dropped them, including his shoes into the drawer and pressed the button again to close the combination storage compartment and sonic sterilizer.
The door to his tube closed with a dull thud as he walked to the end of the room. He turned to the right and entered the room's single toilet. Several minutes later he crossed to the other side and entered the sonic shower. He hit the activation switch.
"Shit!" he yelled as the sonic waves began to clean away the blood from his long shift. He hated the sonic shower and he had been so tired that he'd forgot to put in his earplugs. Sure it was great at getting a human clean but for as long as Dirk could remember the shower always left him dizzy with a constant ringing in his ears if he didn't use plugs.
Once the cycle finished he slowly made his way to his tube. He crawled inside and then slipped on his boxers. He was both physically and mentally exhausted. Shortly after he returned to work Benson had received a walk in. As usual it had been someone from the outer ring. The guy had brought in a female wolf that he had nearly beaten to death and insisted they do everything they could to revive her since he hadn't punished her near enough.
They had patched her up and after six hours it looked like she might recover. Dirk had been sitting with her while her Master and Benson were in the private office negotiating the fee. She woke up enough to ask Dirk to help her die. Dirk shook at the memory of the look in her remaining eye. As long as he lived he'd never forget that look.
She told him of the reputation he had received among the furry community for being a compassionate human for his work with Eight. She knew he could help her die quickly and without pain.
So after glancing at the office to make sure he wasn't being watched Dirk helped her. When Benson returned he was really pissed off. Not because she was dead but because he had to deal with the paperwork and worst of all return a portion of the credits he had just received. As Dirk was placing her body in the incinerator Benson caught him saying a prayer to the Kah Har god of death to take her soul to a better place. Benson only laughed and then forced him to work another hour without pay cleaning up the infirmary.
He continued to toss and turn. He was so tired but it seemed that he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. He hated Benson, slavery, the Imperiam, and most of all he hated himself for helping that poor fur.
"Only one more month and I'll be able to take the test to become a licensed doctor and then I'll be able to get out of this hell hole." He mumbled as he pulled up his terminal and checked his credit account.
"Oh no." he moaned as he found that he didn't have as much money as he thought. "I should have realized this would happen." The account was down nearly two thousand credits for a multitude of registration fees for Eight.
"Well so much for getting my license after I finished with Benson. I won't be able to afford the memory implants for at least another year." He said as he shut down his account connection.
He stared at the ceiling of his tube for half an hour trying to will himself to sleep but all he could think about was how much his life sucked. He'd planned on getting his medical license in a month and then working for another month for enough credits to hire on with a ship headed into the liberated zone. He reopened his credit account and stared at the total.
"Well, I'm not staying in this tube for another year. Since I can't get the implants there isn't any point on continuing to hoard every single credit. This is going to be my last night in this crappy little hole. Tomorrow I'm upgrading so that I'll be living closer to Eight." Dirk closed his eyes and tried to convince himself that he had made the decision to upgrade because he wanted more room, privacy, and a real water shower. However his mind kept returning to Eight's cute body and the feeling of warm soft fur against his skin.
* * *
Beep, beep, beep, beep. Buck jolted awake at the sound. He quickly looked around the cubicle in fear until he glanced at the clock hanging on one wall. He quickly realized that it was only his alarm.
"Alarm off." He said as he swung his legs off the side of the bed. He tilted his head first left and then right trying to work out a kink as he realized that he needed to reconfigure the room. He quickly placed the picture of his family in the nightstand drawer and retraced the bed. As the toilet began to rise he felt that the mechanism was working much to slowly as he stripped off Dirk's scrubs.
Once the throne was in place Buck grasped his sheath and slid it back exposing the end of his member. He aimed at the bowl and let go. He leaned forward and braced himself against the back wall closing his eyes as the feeling of release swept through his body. He wasn't sure how long he had been in a coma but felt as if he'd been holding it the entire time. Once his bladder was empty he shook the last few drops off and flushed.
He retracted the toilet and re-extended his bed. Then he sat down and retrieved the user's guide from his nightstand. And began to read:
"Welcome to your new room . . ." He flipped through the pages to the second chapter. "As you may have noticed there are eight black panels on the wall behind the toilet. Each one is inscribed with a number that corresponds to the number on the keypad." Buck flipped ahead several more pages to a short list of what each number was.
One: This drawer is set up to receive both printed documents sent from any of the station's terminals to this address as well as accept small packages from the mail drop located at the front of the building pod. For your safety all packages are scanned for explosive and biological agents.
Two: This is your personal lighting unit for use when the station is in its night rotation. If you work a night shift please contact station maintenance so that they can re-designate your room to go dark during the stations day rotation.
Three: This is your personal sterilizing unit for keeping your clothing clean. It is strongly suggested that you keep your clothing clean. Remember even though Big Hub is a very large station everyone still has to breath the same air.
Four: This is your audio recorder and player. You can find audio crystals at most specialty stores on the central ring.
Five: This is your primary storage area. Please remember that it is airtight and cannot be opened from the inside. Do not place yourself, pets, slaves, or children in this compartment no matter how much you may be tempted to do so.
Six: This is your bed. Be aware that the nightstand extends at the same time. Avoid injury by stepping away from the wall after pushing the key.
Seven: This button elevates your personal toilet. Please remember to flush after each use.
Eight: This panel conceals your room's vent. Remember to be kind to your neighbors and use the vent when needed.
Nine: This is your secondary storage compartment. Though smaller than the main compartment we are sure you will find that it still offers plenty of storage space.
Buck closed the book and dropped it back into the nightstand drawer. He picked up the scrubs and folded them before pressing number three. The drawer of the sterilizer extended and inside Buck found a tan T-shirt, black shorts, and a pair of sandals with brown leather straps. He pulled everything out and sat it on the bed. He started to put the scrubs into the unit but changed his mind. Instead he closed the drawer and opened the small storage compartment inside he found several more items. He pulled them out and placed them on the nightstand before placing his new pajamas inside.
Then he looked at the new items. There was a glass with a small brush and tube inside it. He pulled the tube out and discovered that it was toothpaste. There was a large half-empty bottle of combination fur shampoo and conditioner, a small bottle of mint mouthwash, and a container of string that was labeled floss. Buck was pretty sure he knew what everything was for with the exception of the floss. He shrugged, placed it back in the small compartment, and closed the door.
"Well it seems that I've now learned that Mr. Briarspike liked to keep himself clean." Buck said as he picked up the shampoo, "So if I'm going to get to know the old me the best place to start the day would be in the shower." He said as he turned, opened the door, and headed toward the showers.
As he rounded the corner the first thing he noticed was the towel dispenser. Across the top was the message "Please return all towels when you have finished. Your account will be charged if don't!" A palm pad was right below the sign, and two handles bellow that. Buck placed his palm against it and pulled open the right hand door. Inside he found a white towel that was two foot wide and four foot long. As he pulled the towel out he realized that he should have waited until he had finished with his shower. He shrugged and hung the towel over the corner of a short privacy wall that extended out from the main shower wall.
As Buck stepped into the shower the water started flowing. He tested the temperature with his hand and discovered that it was perfect. He closed his eyes and let the water flow over and through his fur simply enjoying the feeling. A part of him realized that he must have showered hundreds of times in the past; but for the moment it was new and wonderful. He flipped open the top of the shampoo and squeezed the viscous fluid into his hand letting his instincts determine when he had enough. He began working it into his fur starting with his head and ears and slowly working downward.
As he reached his shoulders he began to wish he had someone to help with his back and an image of Dirk sprang to mind. Dirk was running his gentle fingers over his back and then pressing harder massaging his shoulders as he rubbed the soap into his fur. Buck murred quietly as the fantasy continued. Dirk leaned up against his back reaching around and working the lather into Buck's chest fur. Slowly moving lower across his abdominals and then ever so slightly brushing against his sheath.
"Oh man, you are one hot bunny." A deep voice groaned behind Buck.
Buck spun, bending his knees, and bringing his hands up in a combat ready position. A heavyset, balding, human with enough black body hair to rival a gorilla fur was leaning against the wall.
Buck stared directly into the man's eyes while at the same time watching his shoulders. The man's right hand was rapidly moving back and forth. However another part of Buck's mind had taken over and he didn't look down.
"You have until the count of three to get out of my sight before you loose your grip. One."
The man looked at Buck sizing up the rabbit's smaller body as if considering his chances at forcing the encounter.
"Two."
However after looking into Buck's eyes he shrugged his shoulders, "Your loss." He said as he turned and continued down the row and entered the single sonic unit.
Buck quickly rinsed the soap out of his fur, grabbed his towel, and forced himself not to run back to his room. Once safely inside he vigorously dried his fur concentrating completely on the task of drying to the point where that was his whole world. Twenty minutes later his fur was nearly dry and he dropped the towel to soak up the water on the floor.
He pulled on the T-shirt and shorts, concentrating on each button, and then tightly tucked in the shirt. He sat on the edge of his bed to buckle up his sandals. He got the first one on but it took forever to get the other one on as he'd started shaking. He curled up into a ball at the center of his bed, "Daca! What was I thinking? I was about to kill that man. Who am I, and how did I know that I could have killed him with a single strike that would have made it appear that he'd died of natural causes?"
Buck took several deep, calming breaths and then sat back up. He looked at the wall and his eyes were drawn to compartment nine. There was something in there that he needed to see but at the same time he didn't want to see it. His paw continued to shake slightly as he pressed the "9" key. The compartment door swung open and Buck exhaled. He hadn't even realized he'd been holding his breath. Inside was a very large, very normal duffel bag.
He pulled it out and ran his hand over an embroidered patch. It was oval and the image was a bright green vine running from one side to the other with a single light brown thorn pointing toward the bottom.
"The symbol of Clan Briarspike. The symbol of my family on . . ." Buck paused the name of his home planet. It was on the tip of his tongue. He knew it; it was right there in front of him but like a dried leaf in the wind it was whisked away.
"Daca!" He swore and quickly unzipped the top flap. There wasn't a body inside, as he had feared; instead he found that the bag contained clothing and four metal boxes. The clothing consisted of a pair of specially made black combat boots, black microweave armor pants, a forest green shirt, and a dark green nearly black armored vest.
He carefully set the clothing aside and arranged the four boxes on the bed. The first was nearly as long and wide as the bag and only an inch tall. The other three were all fifteen-inch cubes. They all had a double locking system consisting of a key lock and a small scanner like the ones used all over the station.
Buck quickly pulled the key out of the nightstand drawer and unlocked the large case. Inside were two punch daggers. Buck lifted them out grasping the crossbars and thrust into the air experimentally.
"Wow, I know how to use these weapons! No, it's more like they're and extension of my body. And why shouldn't they be? They are the ceremonial daggers of my clan and I've been training with them since I was ten. Just like everyone else on . . ." Once again the name slipped away, "Daca! And what does 'daca' mean anyway?"
Buck put the daggers away and locked the case. Quickly moving on to the other three. He hesitated before pushing the key into the lock. As the lid opened he realized why. Inside he found two guns, eight shot revolvers, as he pulled them out he realized that they must have been specially made for his hands due to the large trigger guard and the way his palm fit the grips. He set them on the bed and lifted out the thin foam base. In the lower section of the box he found holsters, a shoulder rig, and ten speed loaders but no ammunition. He carefully put everything back as it was.
The third box contained the ammo in five variations. Rubber stun bullets, soft rounds that would penetrate flesh but wouldn't rupture a station or ship's hull, regular rounds, fragmentary rounds, and explosive rounds for when he wanted to puncture a ship's hull. He stared at the massive amount of ammunition for several minutes before closing the lid.
After what he had already found he wasn't worried about the last box. However less then a second after opening the lid he slammed it shut quickly packed everything back into the duffel and shoved the thing back into the compartment.
"What in Lord Lightstripe's name am I doing with several million in hard credit chips?" Buck sat on his bed and considered what he had learned, "One, I'm some sort of warrior or criminal. Two, whoever my old master was he must have really trusted me to allow me to keep all those dangerous items. Three, I'm from a planet were furs are still free. And four, on that planet 'daca' is a popular swear word and this Lord Lightstripe person is considered some sort of savior.
Buck reached down and grabbed his towel. Now he knew his name and had a place to begin trying to find out who he was. He returned the towel to the dispenser and grabbed his shampoo when he noticed that he had forgotten it. He had nearly made it back to his room when one more realization sunk in, "Oh God, I can kill a person with a single blow, yet some how I'm the one that ended up being beaten nearly to death. What if . . ." he paused and quickly looked around, "What if they're still out there waiting to finish off the job?"
* * *
Dirk groaned as he rolled onto his back. He was covered in sweat, his blanket was soaked, and his entire body ached. He glared at his clock that seemed to be screeching at him. It seemed his nightmares were back. He silently cursed the guy that had convinced him that six months vacation in a virtual reality chamber would seem like two years. The scam had robbed Dirk of six months and the only thing he had to show for it was sporadic nightmares. However, just like his time in the VR chamber, he couldn't remember anything from his dreams.
"Alarm off!" He yelled and immediately regretted the action. He wondered why he hadn't turned the damn thing off since it was his rest day. He knew he was forgetting something, but his mind was always a blank after the nightmares. But whatever it was he knew if it was important he would remember it; once he could think clearly again. He reached for the tube's control pad but paused as his finger hovered over one of the keys. After several seconds of consideration he pressed the key. The iris at the back of the tube spiraled open revealing a small storage compartment.
Dirk slid the small gym bag, containing nearly all of his worldly possessions, into the sleeping tube. He opened the single side pocket, pulled out a small multi-use tool, and then slid his upper body into the small storage space. He rolled onto his stomach and then began to carefully remove a panel on the floor of the compartment.
After the first screw Dirk paused and considered what he was doing. The pause was longer after the second screw had been removed. Once the third screw was out Dirk set the tool down.
"This is it. I've never had to remove that final screw before. Do I really feel so bad that I need to do this?" he asked himself as he stared at the loose panel. He picked the tool back up, removed the final screw, and pulled a small leather satchel out of the hole.
The bag was held closed by three straps pierced by three separate crystal shards. As he touched the small white crystal clasp that held the bag shut the voice of his first teacher entered his mind.
"Always remember child, this is a strong magic and it should never be used unless it is truly needed."
"But how do you know when it is needed and when it isn't needed?" the young boy asked, as he leaned over the packing crate that served as his teacher's bed.
Wilna smiled and patted Dirk on the shoulder. Over the years she had been teaching the boy he had quickly grown beyond her four-foot stature. "That knowledge comes from many years of experience and a trust in the Gods."
"But how will I know? I will never be as old as you are and I have no Gods to guide me."
Wilna sighed, "If you remember everything that I have taught you then I will always be there to help you. In the thousands of years that I have lived I have met very few beings who have been touched by the Kah Har."
Dirk recoiled when Wilna uttered the name of the dark gods.
"Child, you must not fear the Kah Har they are the guardians of our galaxy. You have seen the lies that the Imperiam spreads. Is it so hard to believe that they are lying about the Gods as well?"
"I guess it is possible." Dirk said as he stepped close and grasped Wilna's paw.
"My time grows short and there is so much for you to learn. You must remember how to open my medicine pouch." Wilna said as she passed the pouch to Dirk, "Open it if you can."
The memory faded and Dirk look once more at the white crystal. It seemed to glow in the subdued lighting. Dirk closed his eyes and ran his finger over the crystal, "Magdalene, Kah Har Goddess of balance I ask for your blessing. I ask for your help with a clear mind and an open heart."
Without opening his eyes Dirk ran his finger over the green gem on the right strap, "Genesis, Kah Har God of life I ask for your blessing. I ask for your help with a weary body and a humble need."
Finally he moved to the black crystal on the left, "Reaper, Kah Har God of Death I ask for your blessing. I ask for your help with a clear conscience and an understanding soul." Dirk opened his eyes only to discover that only the strap with the green crystal had been released.
Dirk sighed and pressed the leather strap back down on top of the crystal. The strap was instantly resealed and Dirk jumped as a mild shock ran up his arm. He shook his arm until the tingling sensation faded and then realized that his pain had also receded with the tingling.
"I . . . I think I understand." Dirk said as he started to place the pouch back in it's hiding place. The white crystal reflected the light from the tube directly into Dirk's eyes, "Oh Shock!" he yelled as the events of the previous day suddenly flooded his mind.
Dirk placed the pouch in his bag, replaced the panel, and added his multi-tool to the bag. As he slid back out of the storage space something else became apparent to Dirk. His blanket wasn't just soaking wet it was sticky. Dirk froze as he realized what that meant. "Oh Gods please don't let this be happening." He prayed as he cleaned out the rest of his belonging from the tube. It was difficult getting the sterilizer open, and his scrubs into his bag. But that was easier then getting the blanket with his boxers, which he had slipped out of at some point in the night, into the unit.
Once it was closed Dirk carefully pulled a fresh pair of boxers out of his bag along with a pair of jeans, T-shirt, and running shoes. Once he had rezipped the bag he left everything carefully folded on top.
"Thank the Gods I'm moving out today." He mumbled as he pushed the door of the tube open a crack. The hallway was quiet and Dirk gave silent thanks to the Gods for small miracles. He slid out of his tube and was standing up when an explosion of cat calls, clapping, and cheering nearly knocked him off his feet. He ran for the toilet; once he had finished there he braved the noise once more to make it into the sonic shower. For once he didn't notice the effects of the sonics due to his ears already ringing.
The sonics shut down and Dirk stood in the shower. He didn't want to run the gauntlet again.
There was a soft tapping on the door, "Listen Dirk, everyone is gone you can come out and get dressed now." A husky male voice said.
Dirk took a deep breath and stepped out.
"Hey, we're sorry about all that but you know there isn't any real privacy around here and well, you know."
Dirk nodded as he headed to the tube, "I know that James."
"So why did you bring your girl back here?"
"I didn't bring a girl here."
James choked a bit, "Oh, sorry I didn't know. But my question still stands why did you bring a guy back here?"
"I didn't bring a guy here either." Dirk said as he reached in and grabbed his clothes.
James' mouth dropped open. Dirk had gotten his pants on before James could say anything.
"You mean, you're into . . . furs?"
Dirk felt the urge to turn around and yell "Hell yes I'm into furs! And not just any fur but a sexy male bunny with the cutest tail you could ever imagine!" instead he pounded his head against the door of the tube above his own and said, "I didn't bring anyone home with me last night."
"No way was that just you last night. You woke everyone in the pod!"
Dirk slammed his head against the door even harder.
"Would you cut that out! It wasn't bad enough you kept me up all night but now you're going to ruin my day as well?"
"Sorry!" Dirk yelled as he pulled the door of his own tube open, retrieved his cleaned blanket and shorts, and stuffed them into his bag. He sat on the edge and fastened his shoes.
"Wow, you really were alone. Damn boy, you're like a whole group of randy rabbits on stims."
Dirk nearly choked, he quickly closed the tube door and pulled the card from the front, "Hey James, would you let the next guy to come along know that he should get the tube cleaned before he moves in?"
"What?"
"I'm moving out. I think I'll find myself someplace a bit more private, closer to work, perhaps with thicker walls."
James just stared as Dirk walked away, "Yeah right, you'll be back. There ain't any other tubes closer to where you work. And people who don't have names don't move up in this world. You should know that by now Mr. Don't Really Know!"
Dirk waved as the door slid shut.
"Yeah, he'll be back." James said as he looked at Dirk's empty pod.
* * *
Dirk walked on as though he hadn't heard James' parting shot. However several minutes later he stumbled into the lift barely holding onto his composure. He inhaled and swallowed back the feelings that were threatening to overwhelm him. He refused to allow anyone to see his true feelings and as the door reopened onto the central tube of the ring Dirk stepped out and headed toward the train station.
He strode past the thronging crowds as he made his way to the platform. Once he reached the gates the guard smiled and waved him through just the same as always. Dirk only nodded in stony silence. He stood like a statue as the train approached and only showed any sign of life when he stepped into the open doorway. He tightened his grip on his bag and grabbed the hanging bar as the train jolted forward.
It took two hours to travel around the station from section twenty-three to section eight and the only time Dirk moved was to brace an elderly gentleman who hadn't quite made it to a seat before the train started moving.
At section eight, Dirk left the train and walked to the lift. Once inside he hesitated for a moment, all he wanted to do was run to Eight and fall sobbing into his arms. However, he directed the lift to rise. Eight had enough problems and the last thing Dirk wanted was to burden him with more.
The outer lift doors screeched as though they hadn't been oiled in years. Never the less, Dirk quietly slipped out of the lift and made his way down a dark corridor. The farther he walked the darker it became and before long he began to drag his fingers along the wall. He passed an opening and then another finally turning right when his fingers encountered another hall. He stretched out his left hand and continued counting the openings he passed. Again at the third empty space he turned and advanced slowly. Suddenly he stopped and inched forward until his shin bumped against a metal stair. He slowly climbed the stairs. After ten steps he groped at the darkness. Within seconds his hand brushed against an old, lever style, door handle. Dirk pushed the lever down and pulled the heavy door open.
He quickly shielded his eyes as bright light filled the stairway. He stepped through the door and quickly closed it as though he thought someone might be following him. As his eyes adjusted he looked out across a grassy field. Now that he had reached the safety of his hidden place tears began to trickle down his face. He walked along the manicured path bordered on one side by a quietly trickling stream and a rose hedge on the other. The park looked the same as the last time he had visited just before returning to work and beginning his vigil with Eight. Occasionally one of the small robots that maintained the park would scuttle across the path but Dirk didn't notice. The park wasn't very large, only about a square mile, just one of thousands, it was created to helped cleanse the station's air supply. And like dozens of those parks this one had been completely forgotten by the majority of Big Hub. Even from the outside the treated glass of the great dome that covered the park looked like just another bump on the great station's skin.
Halfway across the park Dirk stumbled onto the veranda of a small hut. From a distance it appeared to have been built of woven grass but up close it was obviously constructed of man made materials. Yellow plastic was the primary building material with bits of copper wire woven in for extra support. He collapsed against the wall next to the cloth door and stared out at the stars.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and slowly rocked back and forth as his tears continued to fall. "Why?" he asked, "Why does life have to be so cruel? Why is it that everything I do seems so wrong? Gods, I'm in love with a male fur! During the learning programs we are warned that patients may form a misplaced romantic interest in the one they believe is their savior but no one told me that it could work in reverse." Buck was silent for several minutes.
"And what if Eight doesn't love me? How can he love me? In the time that he has been conscious I've made him my slave. Hell, he might not even feel that way about other males not to mention humans!" Dirk hung his head, "Especially a nameless human like me."
Dirk then sat in silence internally cursing the Gods, fate, James, Dr. Benson, and even the parents that he never new. But most of all he cursed himself. Once he felt completely drained he stood up and wiped his eyes. He turned, brushed the hut's door to one side and stepped inside.
The hut was nearly empty only a small shrine with a deep purple gem at the back cluttered the emptiness. Dirk kneeled in front of the small shrine and closed his eyes.
"Coyote, Kah Har God of change, I ask for your blessing. Today I will be moving to a new home and I ask for your help insuring that this change will be easy and successful. If I encounter difficulties I will accept them and strive to overcome. I will hold no grudge against you. I know that such adversities are your way of teaching a lesson. I also implore you to help me deal with and accept the changes that I'm experiencing both in mindset and in love. I go now to discover the path you have lain before me."
Dirk slowly stood, turned, and walked out of the hut pulling the cloth closed behind him. Once he was sure the door was properly closed he opened his eyes.
"That was a mighty fine prayer, young ringtail or perhaps I should call you Ghosthunter. Remember that not all change is bad. Ah'll be watching over you."
Dirk tripped and fell backward in surprise. He quickly looked back up but the giant coyote that had dominated his vision only a moment before had disappeared. He grabbed his bag and ran for the exit. He'd prayed to the Gods, and Coyote in particular, many times in the past and sometimes he thought he could hear them whispering to him but he had never seen one of them before. Once he had made it to the safety of the lift he slumped to the floor out of breath. He kept trying to convince himself that he was just excited because he now knew that the Gods really did listen to him. However the thought that the Gods had been paying attention to him was extremely frightening. He knew of only two occasions that the Gods had taken direct action in the lives of men and those stories didn't have happy endings.