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While to some that would have been a giant slap in the face, to Felix, it was the best thing he had heard all year. A friend. Someone actually considered him a friend. Felix was grinning from ear to ear now as he looked Kaiser in the eyes. Kaiser just stood there, staring for what felt like forever, lost in thought. Finally, he brought his other paw up and laid it over the top of Felix's paw, grasping it tight. "You remind me so much of him.. It's almost unbelieveable." The dog said with a slight chuckle. Felix raised a brow and gave a quick head tilt. Did he mean? "You mean Alex?" the fox said softly. Kaiser simply nodded and finally let Felix's paw go. The memories hurt. That much was obvious. Which made Felix worry that his mere pressence brought back the pain for the shepherd. Kaiser was staring off into the horizon now, leaning up against the railing of the boardwalk that led out onto the ocean. He gave a sigh and lowered his head, looking down at the sand. He was remembering the good times. Simpler times.

There they were, beach towels in hand, trotting along through the sand happily, tails in full swing. School had just let out for Summer last week, and the two had so many plans. Most of which consisted of being at the beach. Alex loved the beach. He said that the ocean always calmed his nerves. So Kaiser had made it a regular thing to hit the beach after school, and since during Summer there was no school, you could almost always find the two there playing in the sand or swimming in the ocean. Kaiser looked out for Alex. He was like the little brother he never had. Except they were the same age. Kaiser just considered him the "little" brother since he was about a whole foot shorter. Alex stood at about five foot three. He had long flowing black hair, thick rimmed glasses, and a beautiful golden coat. That day, he was sporting a black pair of swim trunks and a big black tee shirt that he had ripped the sleeves off. The shirt was huge on him. Kaiser had joked that a strong wind might catch him off guard and carry him away. Alex just laughed and shook his head.

"So when do you start football?" Alex said curiously as he kicked at the water. The two of them stood now before the waters edge, letting the waves roll in and over their hindpaws, cooling them off. "Well.. Dad wants me to start this Summer actually.. Apparently they have a camp or something to see if you can even have a shot at being on the team." Kaiser said this with little enthusiasm. Honestly, he could care less about the stupid football team. He just wanted to enjoy his Summer with his best friend, but his dad had other plans. Kaiser hated how his dad tried to dictate his life. He was probably just weirded out by Alex and the fact that he was openly gay. How stupid! It wasn't like Alex chose to be that way. He just liked boys. It wasn't anything to be weirded out by.

Unfortunately, some people didn't see it that way, especially ignorant high school kids. Kaiser found himself coming to Alex's defense multiple times a week when he first came out about his sexuality. The other kids treated him like an outcast, some of them even got aggressive and bullied him. Kaiser however, would have none of it. He got into trouble on multiple occasions due to fighting and sometimes even skipping class when Alex would walk off of campus. Once his father got involved and found out exactly why Kaiser was acting out he wasn't sure how to feel about Alex. But one thing was for sure, he needed to get his son into something productive to help level him out. That's when the whole football idea came into play.

"Do you think you'll still be able to come to my birthday?" Alex said with a worried tone. "Yeah man, for sure! You know I wouldn't miss it for the world. I mean, you only turn 16 once right?" Kaiser said as he grabbed the fox by his shoulders and shook him softly with a smile.

Unfortunately, that Summer Kaiser didn't make it. He got grounded after getting into trouble for skipping out on football the day before to hang out with Alex after a particularly rough day. Apparently he got dumped by his boyfriend for not having sex with him and to make it worse, his friends sided with his ex..

..Ouch..

Alex was a mess, tears running down his face as he sat there on the edge of the boardwalk clinging to the shepherd. Kaiser sat there with him for hours, rubbing the fox's back, trying his best to comfort and convince him that he could do better. Alex was too sweet of a guy for that jerk anyway. It was that day that Alex confessed a secret that he had been holding back for years from his friend.

"I like you Kaiser.." The fox said weakly, his gaze at the ground, not daring to look back at the dog. He acted as if he just confessed to a murder. Kaiser was shocked to say the least. He'd never considered Alex in that way. He was always just a really good friend. Sure he cared for him, and sure he would do almost anything for the fox. But being more than friends?.. That just wasn't something he had ever fathomed. Alex thankfully didn't press the subject though, and Kaiser sort of shrugged it off. He told him that he appreciated him being honest and that he promised to always be there for him. That seemed to calm the fox enough and thankfully they both parted ways satisfied with the way the conversation went.

However, at the end of it all and the whole way home the dog was questioning everything he knew. Kaiser was actually very confused. He wasn't quite sure what he was feeling anymore. Was Alex more than a friend? Was he gay too? There was no way. They were just that close! Alex was his best friend. Best friends could care about each other a lot. Not like that was abnormal. Either way, he decided to leave it alone as he approached his door step, gulping as he noticed the living room light on... He was in for it now.

When his dad discovered that he skipped out on football to go hang out with Alex he was livid. He took his phone, his laptop, and forbid him from seeing or speaking to Alex for the rest of the Summer. Of course he still tried his best. But once school started up again Kaiser got super busy with football and hardly had time to spare. As time moved on and Kaiser became more interested in the sport the two grew further and further apart. Then came the dreadful day that the dog plays over and over again everytime in his head.

..Alex's suicide..

It's a day that would probably haunt Kaiser for the rest of his life. Something that he struggled immensely with. It took him years to finally convince himself that it wasn't his fault, but even then, he had his moments of doubt.

It was a cloudy day in November. A Tuesday afternoon. Just a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Kaiser had a big game coming up on Friday and he was focused hard on practicing, ensuring he was ready. It had been three years since he began playing, and by now, in his Senior year of high school, he was all in, pushing hard to get a scholarship. There were a few scouts rumored to be at this next game, but whether that held true would have to wait until game day. Either way, Kaiser was taking no chances. "So you really think you're ready son?" Kaiser's father asked with a smile as they made their way out of the gym and into the parking lot. By now, their relationship was on a pathway to repair, better than it had been in years.

Pushing Kaiser to sports had definitely worked out for the better. "I think so dad! But I'm not done practicing yet. We gotta come back tomorrow and put in some more work." His father chuckled and shook his head, ruffling Kaiser's headfur as they made their way over to the truck, tossing their gym bags in the bed. "You know Kaiser, I'm really glad that you're taking this so seriously now, but just remember one thing, football shouldn't be your only plan. You always need to be prepared." Kaiser rolled his eyes, letting the paternal advice roll right off his shoulders as he hopped into the passenger seat and closed shut the door with a thunk. "Yeah, I know dad." He muttered. Jacob raised a brow and looked over to him, already situtated in his seat. "I'm serious Kaiser. Think about the long term here. A football career doesn't last forever even if you are one of the very best!"

While Jacob was happy to see Kaiser so enthused about the sport that he pushed on him so hard, he was beginning to regret it as graduation time homed in on them. If Kaiser didn't make it what would be his fallback? What if he did make it but got injured? All these what if scenarios played out in his head and began to knaw at him, but for the moment he did his best to keep them at bay. As he started the old truck he cracked a joke. "Not to mention, your dad can't keep working out with you like this, you're killing me here, and I'm a cop! What if the guys saw you running circles around your old man?" Kaiser smiled and just shook his head, gazing out the window. "Yeah yeah, sure dad."

The ride home was enjoyable for the most part. Kaiser and his dad mainly talked about colleges. Kaiser was dead set on a big name university in a big city far away. But Jacob had hoped for the opposite. The thought of his son being so far away was not a pleasant one, however he also understood that Kaiser was getting older and needed to get out and do his own thing. Yet another tug of war. Kaiser was fiddling with his phone now as the conversation went quiet. He was sending a text to Alex. Admittedly, he felt like a terrible friend. He hadn't spoken to Alex in almost a week. He was just so busy with school and football. There was no time. He began to read over some of the texts from Alex days old by now. "Hey man, are you busy?" "Hey dude, just seeing if you could possibly talk for a bit?" "Hey Kaiser, I hope you do well on your game this Friday, call me sometime?" All of them read, none replied to. As Kaiser read the last message, he really felt like a jerk.

It was late last night around three in the morning. "Hey dude I know its late but I just wanted to say I think you're a really good friend and thank you for being a part of my life." Truth be told, Kaiser didn't feel like a good friend at all, in fact, he felt like over the last couple of years, especially into senior year, he really let Alex down. Alex went through so many ups and downs, between shitty ex boyfriends and bullies, it was a wonder he managed to keep a smile on that face half the time.

...That smile...

He really missed seeing it. He missed it so much in fact, that he was going to surprise Alex by meeting up with him before school tomorrow and walk with him so that they could catch up. What a great idea.

That morning, Kaiser was up extra early. He went out for his run, showered, ate breakfast, and was out the door by 6 o clock. Plenty of time to catch up with Alex. At this rate, they may even have time to sit and talk at the beach. Something they hadn't done in months now. Kaiser was just around the corner now, tail wagging about furiously. He felt good. It was time to right his wrongdoings. He quickly pulled out his phone and began to type up a message to Alex letting him know to look out his window. However, upon rounding the corner, Kaiser noticed something strange that caught his attention.

Flashing red and blue lights? There was an ambulance, a few police cars, and even a coroner's van. "Woah. Wicked. I wonder what happened?" He muttered. Kaiser quickly deleted his previous typing and quickly rewrote his message. "Dude, you gotta come outside, I think something happened on your street." As he made his way further now, things began to become a bit clearer. The vehicles were actually parked pretty close to Alex's house. Kaiser looked down at his phone. No response. No read. Nothing. He quickly typed another as he took a few more steps. "Dude, you awake?" Kaiser's heart began to pick up pace. Were they in front of Alex's house? A coroner's van was for dead people right? Frantically now, another message. "Dude, this isn't funny, please answer me." Still nothing. Kaiser felt like the world around him was in slow motion as he approached Alex's doorstep, realizing that the front door was wide open and there stood two police officers with their backs to him. He heard crying, screaming even. It sounded like a woman.

Kaiser began to feel his stomach tightening as he continued further up the walkway now. He couldn't stop. He wanted to but he couldn't. His body betrayed him as he screamed out loud inside his head. "TURN AND LEAVE NOW!"

..There was no turning back..

Finally, one of the officers noticed Kaiser over their shoulder and tapped the other one, slowly turning. There staring him in the face now was his father. Like that, his eyes turned cold. Lifeless. Like he had seen a ghost. He was obviously struggling to maintain his composure as he saw his son standing there before him now, gripping tightly his phone in one hand, backpack over his shoulder. He knew about Kaiser's plan that morning, and that's what made it hurt so much more.

Kaiser looked his dad in the eyes silently, and Jacob stared right back without moving a muscle. Finally, all he managed to say was, "Kaiser, I'm sorry." And like that, he watched his son crumble to pieces.

Tears began to well up in his eyes as he struggled to speak, shaking like a leaf. In an instant all the messages played back in his head over and over on repeat in fast forward. All the passings in the hallway with half interested glances. The missed birthday parties. The missed calls.

...He killed him...

It all hit him like a freight train. He collapsed to his knees. All of his strength gone. His stomach was on fire. He felt like he had just been stabbed by a jagged blade and had it twisted up inside of him. He dropped his phone to the ground and screamed. He screamed as loud as he could. Until his lungs felt like they were going to burst. All the while his father knelt there holding him tight as tears poured from his eyes. "I'm sorry Alex!" He screamed as his father shushed him and continuously repeated that it wasn't his fault. "I'm sorry Alex!" echoed through the neighborhood as neighbors and bystanders stood idly by watching the grim scene unfolding. "I'm sorry Alex!"

"I'm so sorry Alex", Kaiser mumbled as he finally came back to reality, tears streaming down his face. All the while Felix stood there watching him as he had spaced out, realizing now just how much that Alex kid really meant to him, and just how much weight that memory Felix brought back carried.

...Holy shit...