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Football practice sucked ass today. It was the maraschino cherry on top of the shit sandwich that was the past 6 hours of my life_._ The thing was, we spent so much time going over tactics and playcalling (or should I say, listening to Coach and Jayce talk our ears off about it) that we hardly had half an hour to actually practice.

And the cherry on top of the cherry already on top was that one of our wide receivers was sick with mono, so instead of doing field goal practice for what little time we had to actually play, I was stuck subbing in on the practice squad. And get this, I was subbing in for wide receiver, so you know what that means? PARTY IN TACKLE CENTRAL ON DIRT IN MAH FUR BOULEVARD.

I just like sucking kicking balls. The actual footbally man bumping part of football is always fun to watch and strategize for, like, I love me some fantasy football, but actually doing it? Eh... just let me do my kicking, plz Coach.

So there I was changing in the locker room aisle, sweaty, dirty and frustrated. But I was still smiling like everything was A-okay because I didn't want to bum out Scott, Marty, Jayce or Chris and the twenty three other kids on the varsity football team who totally had names and faces and existed.

While I was making small talk with the others, my mind was taunting me by replaying scenes of all the poor decisions I made today in crisp 1080p high definition. It replayed me turning down Jessica (extra detail given to her downtrodden expression), my decision to take out Francesca to homecoming (which I was slowly beginning to realize was a terrible idea), my extra argument slash bitchy gay sass off with Daren at lunch... Oh, and for some reason it started replaying the scene of when my mom tried to teach me how to use condoms by demonstrating on Dad. Lovely. Thought I blocked that one out...

Ugh, no fuck this! I'm the victim here! ME! Nothing I did was in the wrong at all, nope nope. I don't deserve these guilty thoughts because it's not my fault I was born gay and it's my choice to hide it and the universe and my subconscious are going to have to respect that. Let's just enjoy stealing glances of my hot friends shirtless in the locker room! AND NOT THINK OF ANY THOUGHTS THAT I'M NOT GOING TO THINK. GOT THAT ROB'S MIND? NO THINKING!! EVEN IF EVERYTHING ELSE STOPS MAKING SENSE!

"West right flanker sixty seven zap are so you're definitely sure traps aren't gay pink right micro slide high wide?" Marty asked, concerned as he took off his shirt, revealing his well-developed chest and big ol' Bull gut.

"Phhh, Pop on two out slot, eighteen hot F-burst straight as a Catholic priest x spot alert stringer yellow yellow!" an equally shirtless Scott (who has killer abs, did I mention that? I don't think I mentioned that before) said reassuringly, playfully squeezing the Bull's well-developed pecs, causing him to giggle. Chris then let out a massive yawn from another dimension, grabbing everyone's attention. "Zero Z-bunk fly fly two on the goose?" Scott asked, paws still playing with Marty's chest.

"Thirty four halfback wild wild scatter I'm spent dude wide choice zebra half post X," the Wolf said with another high pitched yawn that must have been at the frequency of a panther mating call, because fuck it was oddly erotic. The way he limberly stretched his arms up and back... it was almost like he was challenging one of the guys to come and ravage him... mmm...

"Inside edge green switch nasty X Y style sassy num nums buster nudge Z-sting Y sphere one" Jayce said in a way that was somehow condescending and pretentious even though I had no idea what he said. The Iguana turned over toward me, "Gun goose smegma java right?" He asked, buttoning up his flannel shirt, which was a shame because I couldn't see his sleek chest and abs anymore. Although, Jayce's abs were more of the 'I don't have any body fat' abs, but still, can't help but want to rub your paws all over that scaly green chest of his. If you're gonna go for a twink, it might as well be Jayce...

_ _

Oh shit that's right he's talking to me.

I blinked profusely at my predicament, suddenly aware that everything I heard for the last minute had turned into unintelligible playcalling. What I heard made about as much sense as a shitty bootleg anime translation done by Manchurian people in the early nineties. I shook my head to try to get all the gay out of my mind, cheeks swaying wildly side to side. "Sorry what was that?"

"I said, 'don't you agree, Rob?'" Jayce (evidently) repeated.

"Uh... yeah," I said uncertainly. Jayce just rolled his eyes at my halfassed answer.

I was going to try to explain that I was distracted and needed to get caught up on the conversation, but I was cut off by a certain somebody's voice that boomed throughout the lockerroom with all the force of a thunderstorm, "YEAH BOI!! MY DICK IS SO HARD RIGHT NOW! I FUCKING LOVE FOOTBALL!"

Oh fuck me to next Sunday. Is he back from talking to coach already? ...And it was so nice when he was on injury break too.

You could see the distaste in Jayce's eyes the moment the shout permeated the room, "Let's get going now, Chris. I hear idiocy is infectious," the Iguana said to a now fully clothed Chris who nodded without anything sassy to say. He and Jayce said goodbye to us and left like smart people. Unlike me.

I was stuck where I was because I drove home with Scott, who's muzzle broke into a deep grin at hearing the voice that made me want to puke out my intestines and strangle myself with them. "Isn't it great to have Alistair back on the team guys?" the Polar Bear said gleefully, still taking his sweet sweet saccharine time getting changed.

"Yeah, totally," I said in secret insincerity. After popping his head out of the head hole in his NFL T-shirt, Marty nodded in *real* sincerity.

Tapping my foot impatiently as I waited on Scott to finish changing (fuuuuuck), all I could do was listen to _him_loudly swagger around the other locker aisles and making dumb jock quips to the other guys... waiting until it was inevitably our turn to face the beast. It was a countdown to destruction.

"THE ALPHA MALE IS BAYUCK! WHO WANTS TO SEE ME GET NAKED?!"

I cringed before turning around to the source of the obnoxious noise, and lo and behold, there he was, standing arrogantly at the end of our locker aisle.

Alistair, a six foot one black and brown Doberman, first string quarterback for the Grovedale Chargers, and ranked asthe most popular kid in school. He was already shirtless, his shoulder pads, helmet and jersey already on the ground. Somebody was eager to get naked.

He was sooo hot (we're talking Daren/Scott hot here), but sooo fucking annoying. Not to mention dumb as a sack of bricks. But yeah, why don't I just start blabbering on about how hot he is?

He had muscle definition on par with Scott, for one. Abs for days, thick, defined arms, a chiseled and handsome muzzle, and a curvy chest that pops out at you, with an irresistible patch of football-brown fur... He always had a cocky grin, the kind that makes you want to punch him because you hate to admit you find really sexy. He regularly wore this chain collar, which was totally basic bro-fashion, except also kind of a 'hate-to-admit-it' turn-on for me. Let's see what else... Stunning emerald/jade/whatever fucking stone fanfic writers use to describe eye color green eyes, and one plump ass that was all muscle...

But that fucking personality.

He really put the 'FU' in effusive.

Ugh, fucking hate this guy. "Hey Alistair, so awesome you're back in action!" I said affably, walking over to greet him.

"Hey hey hey, how you doin' Robster?" the Dobby said, powerfully grasping my paw and shoulder bumping me. "Sorry you got tackled like a total bitch today, haha."

"Haha, yeah... you fucking piece of shit."

He didn't hear the second part.

"Hey Alistair, glad you're doing better," Marty added in, redirecting Alistair's attention long enough for me to give flip off the Dobby behind his back.

Alistair grinned eagerly at our team's star tackle, "MARTICUUUUS! Chest bump!" the Dobby yelled, then doing the thing that he said. Marty, in his massive girth, nearly knocked over Alistair in the chest bump, but the Dobby played it off like it was nothing. "Great fucking hustle on the field today!"

And then... it was Scott's turn. You could just see the desire to bro-out in the Polar Bear's eyes as he sauntered on over to our good friend Alistair.

I should probably start off with a warning here. These two made a very...dynamic duo... and I don't mean that in a good way. Let's just say make the perfect case study for the dangers of the phenomenon I call 'bro feedback' TM.

The sexy Dobby locked eyes with the equally sexy Polar Bear, "If it ain't the Fentonator!" he said, swaggering on up to Scott.

"Lord QB back in the house! You killed it today!" Scott said with newfound explosive energy. They firmly clasped their paws together and shoulder bumped... two, three, four... seven times, unnecessarily grunting while doing it... ugh.

"Gimme some love bro, I fucking missed you! I've got such a fucking hard _bro_ner right now!" Alistair proclaimed, before locking into a tight bro hug with Scott.

...Oh God it's starting.

"Yeah I'll say, you're getting quite the pawful of _bro_lar Bear ass!" Scott laughed as Alistair squeezed on Scott's muscle butt.

Noooooooo!

"Yeah, fucking missed looking at that FINE ASS of yours on the _bro_ffensive line!" Squeeze squeeze.

"I know man, you were out of commission for so long it was almost like you vanished into the _Bro_muda Triangle!" Scott said, now feeling up Alistair's thic ass.

The worst. WORST. This was like the holocaust if the holocaust was nothing but bro puns. Whoever is reading this right now, please shatter your computer screen SO THAT I MAY DIE.

"Yeah, that fucking back injury was weak as shit. But now that we got a real QB back in the house, the Grovedale Chargers are charging STRAIGHT TO STATES!" Alistair yelled out and the whole locker room erupted in chanting 'States! States! States!' ...I joined in too.

As did Scott, but there was a peeved accent to his smile as he joined in, "What was that, bro? Something about not having a real QB when you were gone?" Scott asked after the chanting died down. Scott was, of course, our second string quarterback that subbed in for Alistair while he was gone...

Alistair scoffed with a self-flattering smirk, "Ah please bro, you're fly as fuck, but everyone knows that I'm top dog on the field."

"Uh, you trying to say you're better than me?" Scott said with contending eyes, muscular chest puffed outwards.

The Dobby puffed out his chest in turn, "What can I say, I am THE alpha male! Ain't nobody else here get an early football scholarship to OSU. 'Cause ain't nobody able to replace alllll thiiis," Alistair said sensually, gesturing to his chest and abs... and crotch.

And with that Scott's 'competitive mode' switch was flipped. He moved in on Alistair until his chest pressed up assertively against the slightly taller Dobby's. "Oh, oh, you think you're better than me brah, huh, huh? Just because you got first string QB status, a girlfriend with bigger tits, a tight ass, a higher popularity ranking, an OSU football scholarship, and a tight ass?"

Did he just say 'tight ass' twice??

"You know it," Alistair countered, looking down fiercely at Scott. "Name one thing-"

"Super smash Bra-"

"-besides Smash Brahs- that you're better than me at!"

Not letting up his assertive posture in the slightest, Scott held quiet, seriously contemplating the question. Suddenly his eyes widened devilishly; you could practically see the lightbulb turn on above his head, "...I bet I could kick your ass at gay chicken!"

My facepalm was fast and immediate. "Raptor-Jesus fucking Christ Scott, not this again..." I moaned, remembering the last time something like this happened in the locker room and how it was too hot for me to handle.

But my comment fell on deaf ears, "Oh, is that a challenge?!" Alistair contended, not letting up an inch on his territory, eyes burning with maverick energy.

"You bet your tight ass it is!"

"Then CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. COME AT ME BRO!"

"Huh, this all seems vaguely familiar," Marty commented while cramming his dirty jersey into his overstuffed backpack.

The Dobby and Polar Bear looked at each other threateningly, like they were planning to rip each other to shreds. Except their muzzles were slowly moving closer until they met in an angry kiss... and then another...

...what? Was this seriously happening? What the fuck? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

This was bad. BAD. I was barely able to stop myself from staring like a total fag when Scott 'fake gay' made out with Toru, but this was a whole new level. The kiss quickly escalated into a bona fide make out session as the two males tried to out gay the other. Then they started groping each other... And my gay tunnel vision... reared its ugly head.

Tongues entwining wildly,arms rubbing each other's, Scottslapping Alistair's godlike ass, Alistair's fingers workingon Scott's hard nipples... It was like their bodies were melting together. At that momentI wanted nothing more than to just slide myself between those two dream boats and let them have their way with me...

Oh crap baskets, I'm getting horny.

"I'm gonna head out now. I have left over KFC to eat at home." Marty said as if the gayest shit in the world weren't happening right in front of him. It was enough to pull me out of my trance.

"Wait, don't leave me..." I said in a feeble voice, pleadingly extending out my arm. But it clearly wasn't enough because the Bull was gonezo.

"Oh my God I just begged _Marty_to stay with me..." I thought to myself, holding onto the paw I extended out like a frail maiden.

It wasn't just Marty who didn't seem to react like he should. Some other guys on the team (who totally had names and faces) would pass by our locker aisle and either laughed along with it, encouraged them to 'burn more rubber down the gay highway', or ignored it like it was nothing and it made no sense, WHAT

Alistair and Scott broke the extended kiss, that competitive edge still strong in their eyes, "Well, looks like we'll have to step up THE HEAT brah!" Alistair all but spat out in that loud voice of his.

Scott had a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You know what they say: It's not gay unless the balls touch!" The Polar Bear said mischievously... um, having taken off his jockstrap. Cue the heavy nervous breathing on my part.

"Oh shit, you're on!" Alistair followed, stripping off his cleats, then his dirty football pants, and then his boxer... and he whipped out his half hard dick. And it was fucking huge. So was Scott's... *gulps* And then they began slowly inching they nut sucks together...

My jaw dropped, my whiskers stiffened, and my tail coiled around my leg. I probably should have said something to assert my fake heterosexuality, but sidelined third wheel syndrome was kicking in way too much. All I could do was watch as they slowly moved their testicles together, and then started rubbing them... flopping their shafts around for good measure.

My dick was now hard as a rock.

"Guess we both better move to Fagsville now, bro!" Alistair laughed, still flopping his dick around, the tip peeking out of the shaft.

"Guess so! Looks like you better give me a bro-job next!" Scott said doing double finger guns.

Alistair's glare intensified. "Is that a challenge?"

"You know it is, bro! No way you're man enough to suck my dick! ...wait just gimme a moment to get hard here," were the completely sensible words that come out of Scott's dirty dirty mouth. And then he started fapping with his tongue sticking out of the side. I repeat: Scott was fapping in a public locker room... And in a matter of seconds long his black-grey cock was now erect in all its eight inch glory. "There we go!"

I could feel myself salivating looking at that thick juicy cock. I wanted to eat that dick so bad... I thought this was the first time I ever saw Scott fully hard, and the image was burned deep into my memory. I suddenly shook my head, futilely trying to get the gay out again, but I couldn't do it. It was too damn steamy.

_ _

Well, fuck me. Fuck me! FUCK ME I GUESS I'M WATCHING. Since we're committing, let's just put my backpack down on the bench between the aisle so it strategically covers my boner...

"I'll show you who's man enough!" Alistair proclaimed before he proceeded to... eat Scott's dick. All of it. Fit all of it into his long Dobby muzzle... slobber falling out at the sides. I felt my knees go weak under a spurt of dizziness.

"Oooooh, sick bro, you just sucked my dick!" Scott said with a cackling laugh.

Alistair spat out Scott's dick, coughed, and then stood up, pointing at Scott with both index fingers, "OHHHH, are you the basket of wings I ordered fifteen minutes ago at _Bro_ffalo Wild Wings bro? Because you just got seeeeeeerved!"

"Guess it's my turn now, GIMME THAT DICK!" kneeling down by Alistair's crotch and grabbing his already erect penis by the knot.

What the fuck is happening?! Is Alistair gay or bi or...? I... no, you know what? I'm just not going to think any more. Just enjoy it. Yup.

Dear lord Alistair's cock was just as fucking big as Scott's, maybe even a bit longer... and it was hovering right by Scott's muzzle. And that sexy grin on the Polar Bear's muzzle was exactly like it was in the fantasies I have where he fucks me... Scott grabbed the dick by the base and slowly let it into his mouth... deeper, deeper... I couldn't help but touch the tent in my pants, and I was met by waves of tantalizing pleasure. My whole lower body started feeling weak. It was getting to be too much. I needed to masturbate right then and there.

"Don't mind bathroom, I'm just going to go to the me," I said in a wispy voice, thumbing backward to the shitty lockerroom bathroom.

"Mmhm," Scott said in a voice that was muffled by Alistair's dick in his mouth. I think a jet of precum just squired out of my dick.

I began hobbling toward the bathroom while strategically trying to hide my boner. But then I heard Alistair yell out "DEEP THROAT!" and I reflexively looked back across my shoulders. The Dobby was shoving the back of Scott's head into his crotch, resulting in profuse gagging. I almost creamed myself right then and there.

"Ah, dick move bro, haha," Scott laughed, coughing a little bit as Alistair's wet dick slid out of the Polar Bear's muzzle.

Mitsune Haku have mercy on my penis...

I saw that there wasn't anybody in the way to the bathroom stalls I made my break for it, hoping desperately that I didn't jizz my pants (wouldn't be a first). All but slamming the bathroom stall door shut, I immediately got to work on my very no-heterosexual erection. Replaying everything that I just sway, It only took me a handful of seconds to orgasm. And I came HARD. Waves of euphoria ravaged by my body as I let my seed out all over my paw, convulsing. I nearly fell on to the ground as the strength left my body.

I stayed in that stall for about three more minutes... voyeuristically listening in on the developments of the gayme, still getting pleasure from stroking my softening dick.

Apparently the next stage of the game was for Scott and Alistair to lick each other's precum... and then lick each other's assholes after that... and then they started swearing when they ran out of ideas. Most of the other students had left the locker room at this point, and I was beginning to worry that coach might come in to check on why people were still getting changed. So I took this opportunity to emerge from the semen depository bathroom and maybe try to put a stop on this whole gay bro-fest before I lost what little shit I still had left.

When I arrived back in the locker aisle, Alistair and Scott looked... unsatisfied. Also they were still naked. "Shit! I've never gotten this far in gay chicken before, how are we going to top licking each other's assholes?" Alistair exclaimed in frustration, pouting as his bare ass sat on the bench.

Scott, leaning against the locker (with his junk still flopping out), pursed his lips thoughtfully before that lightbulb reappeared above his head, "Oh, I know. You wanna go to the homecoming dance with me?"

Alistair's ears perked upwards and his short tail began wagging as he jumped up, "YEAH BRO, you bet your ass I wanna go to the homecoming dance with you! HELLA RESPECT!" Alistair shouted out before giving Scott a chest bump fit for Olympian gods themselves.

Okay, no way I could leave that one untouched.

"Um, what about your _girlfriends?"_I asked accusingly.

"What about them?" Alistair asked flatly.

"Yeah, Rob, get in with the bro_gram. This is _gay chicken; you can't let little details like that get in the way or else there's no point!" Scott explained like it was basic common sense.

"But-but-but-but-but," I stammered.

Alistair sneered at me, "Also it's an LGBT-themed homecoming dance, Robster. Didn't you read the _bro_chure? We'd look fucking stupid going with our girlfriends."

"Yeah, get woke Robbie," Scott said.

"Get _bro_ke!" Alistair added, and they high-fived each other, breaking into a cackling session like hyenas on black market laughing gas.

It felt like somebody had just squeezed all the sanity out of every part of my body, especially my dick.

They're fucking gaslighting me! Fucking, GAY gaslighting me. I don't... my sanity... HELP! I MUST END THIS!

"Okay, can we go home now Scott? We've been in this locker room for like literally twenty minutes. Any longer and coach is gonna have words with us."

"Ah, sure thing Robbie. Just lemme get my... everything back on," Scott laughed playfully, paws on his hips.

"...Oh shit that's right, my locker isn't even in this aisle," Alistair said with a dumbfounded look, causing me to mentally scream something fierce. The Dobby scooped up his things and went on down to the aisle where his actual locker actually was. I sighed from the depths of my tortured soul (current mood: gay emo).

And Scott got his clothes on, and that was that. It was time to ride home. It was like nothing had happened at all. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Of course I didn't have the courage to talk to Scott about what the fuck possessed him to play extreme gay chicken with Alistair on our car ride home. Nah, we just talked about how much of a drag football practice was today. My mind definitely had fun theorizing the possibilities though.

This is the universe mocking me for being such a spineless wimp, isn't it? Like that was probably the hottest thing to happen in my life, but it's going to bother the fuck out of me. How could they do so much gay shit without being called out on it?! It doesn't make a lick of sense! I know you can get away with being touchy-feely to other guys as long as you don't act like a 'fag' but THEY WERE LITERALLY SUCKING EACH OTHER'S DICKS. They even asked each other out to homecoming! Maybe I'm trapped in some sort of alternate universe where gay shit is straight. Maybe I'm dreaming? Maybe my extreme levels of stress are causing me to hallucinate?

Or what if Alistair's actually bi or something and just pretending like he's not to cover it up? He did get hard...

_ _

Hey, what if Scott's actually bisexu-

WEEOOH WEEOOH WEEOOH WEEOOH WEEOOH WEEOOH!!!

"Commander Sargent, we're at Amber alert!" proclaimed a personification of Rob's subconscious as he slammed open the door to some vaguely military-looking office. He looked exactly like Rob except that he was dressed in a lab coat.

_ _

_"What is it Doctor Scientist?" asked Commander Sargent, who also looked exactly like Rob but in a generic military uniforms with lots of shiny badges. _

_ _

There was stress for days in Doctor Scientist's voice, "We're reaching a breaking point here! Scott's gay teasing has gotten relentless! It's like he's giving Rob one big bisexual bat sign! The wall of denial around Rob's heart is getting structurally compromised! One more incident like this and Rob will have no choice but to accept that Scott's probably bi!"

_ _

Commander Sargent dropped his coffee cup onto the ground, which shattering dramatically. He looked at Doctor Scientist with controlled horror, "Mitsune Haku save us all..."

_ _

"Sir, I know it's classified information, but please let me know. What will happen if the wall of denial finally breaks?" Doctor Scientist asked pleadingly.

_ _

Commander Sargent got up from his swivel chair to look out the window. His hands were folded behind his back, and his expression was cold steel, "A crisis of cataclysmic proportions..."

_ _

"What would that entail..?" Doctor Scientist asked, absolutely harrowed by the dark heft in the commander's tone.

_ _

Commander Sargent turned his head slowly to Doctor Scientist. There was nothing but grave severity in Commander Sargent's words, "A mother fucking love triangle."

_ _

Doctor Scientist's knees gave way. He dug tightly into his scalp with his claws, screaming from the depths of his soul... "NOOOOOO!!! THAT'S SO UNORIGINAL!!!"