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The Gift

Edward's Storyline, Chapter 8.5

copyright comidacomida 2019

There are certain smells in life that remind me of different things; burning sandalwood always makes me think of Christmas; cinnamon makes me think of my grandmother's apple crumble; treated leather makes me think of the first time I went horseback riding; Medved's smell made me think of every hug I'd ever received from my grandparents. Although his musky animal scent was a smell all its own there was still a familiarity... a closeness... a connection. He was my family's Guardian Spirit, so maybe it makes sense that he made me feel like I was where I belonged... where I was safe.

His deep, rumbling voice spoke softly above me as he slowly rotated me in his grasp so I wasn't in danger of being smothered. "If you are not ready to discuss Sofia then we do not have to, Synochik... I am here because I care, and I make no demands."

His statement felt a little contrived but, at the same time, I appreciated how forthcoming he was about it. Fighting to pull back on some tears that had appeared out of nowhere, I slowly shook my head, offering as much of a smile as I could without my lips curling in sorrow. "No... no. I... think I'd like that."

Medved smiled warmly and he reached up to brush the thick pad of his thumb across the underside of one of my eyes as it leaked. He leaned forward, touching the end of his muzzle to my forehead in what reminded me of one of my grandmother's kisses. "Then where would you like to begin, Synochik?"

Opening up and talking about my feelings had never been one of my strong points and I realized I wasn't going to make very much headway if I was pushing things forward. With a shrug, I reached up to brush at my own eyes where the Bear had swiped away the threat of tears. "I... I'm not sure. Why don't you take lead on this one?"

Nodding, he took a deep breath and disengaged, stepping back to sit on my bed. Despite his big size the mattress didn't flatten in the least. I moved over and sat down next to him. He reached out to rest a paw on my knee as he stated "Your grandparents were so happy when she was born, and she was the light of their life ever after... much in the same way you are."

I let out a single, humorless 'ha'. "Yeah right... I can't think of a single day I lived in that house when I wasn't driving them crazy or doing SOMETHING wrong."

My grandparents took me to see a shrink once when I was 13; they said they thought I had some 'issues' surrounding my mom being out of my life. It didn't go well because it felt like the guy was leading me on; every one of his questions seemed to be nudging me somewhere or forcing me to get outside my own head. Medved's next question reminded me of the shrink, but all of the negative impressions I got from that guy didn't transfer over; the Bear just wanted to understand. "Why do you think they were so hard on you?"

My initial, knee-jerk reaction was to pull away and shoot him a dirty look, but I was just in the process of pulling back when I remembered something my grandfather told me after I was grounded for a week. I accused him of hating me, and taking out all his frustration about my mom being in a looney bin on her son. He just shook his head calmly and said those words I couldn't really accept until I was sitting there, staring eye-to-eye with a Guardian Spirit. "...because they love me."

Medved just nodded slowly, letting the silence grow for quite a long time until he finally stated "If they were that hard on you then they must love you a lot."

For a split second I was just starting to get choked up, but I cleared my throat and powered on. "Yeah... well... they were pretty good parents, I guess. I mean... they already had practice with my mom before they got me so I guess they were pretty experienced by that point."

The Bear smiled the kind of knowing smile you'd expect a parent to have when their little toddler told them something unspectacular, but seemed really important to the little kid. His words, though, were completely in-the-moment and had no sense of 'playing along' to them. "Every child is different, Edward... although I see a lot of your mom in you, there is also a lot that isn't her."

I don't know why, but something about that statement didn't sit well with me. "So... like... some of my dad too?"

Medved handled my counter pretty well. "I do not know the man who begot you, Edward... but I do know you. It is my belief that you got some of the best aspects of your mother-- her strengths that made her strong and her weaknesses that--"

"Made her weak?"

The large Spirit gave my knee a pat before moving his arm up to encircle my shoulders and he pulled me closer before leaning down to correct me. "Her weaknesses that made her genuine, Edward. Never forget-- we cannot all be strong all of the time, and opening up to those around us can often help repair the pain and hurt that becomes second-nature to cover up. All wounds must breathe if they are to heal."

That little inkling of 'shrink-like' conversation had reared up again when I realized that our talk WAS heading somewhere. "What's that supposed to mean?"

His other large, brawny paw joined the first, pulling me around until I was seated on his lap with me facing him. There was genuine emotion in his gaze-- some combination of pride, concern, and something else-- something much more person. "It means, Synochik, that I am here for you, and you need not flee when I express concern. You need not hide when you have feelings. You need not seek out distractions when you have problems to face."

Although the statement definitely had the capacity to make me uncomfortable, something about it really touched me. He wasn't just putting on airs or telling me that everything was okay; Medved was telling me that, even if I had to deal with things on my own, I still wasn't alone. It was the first time anyone had ever told me that without also setting up requirements or conditions. "I... I know."

His smile warmed even more as he leaned forward. "We are family, Synochik... and that means everything to me."

Although I had expected the Bear to kiss me on the forehead again, I was surprised when his broad, weighty muzzle pressed up against my lips. It wasn't some sloppy, lust-filled, lewd expression of desire but it also wasn't the little innocent peck of a goodnight kiss from a parent to a kid. A haze came up in my mind as I pressed back into Medved's grasp; I'm not sure how to explain it, but the kiss we shared was something else entirely.

Leaning forward, my body felt incredibly small against his and, as I reached up I found that my fingers got lost in the fur on either side of his enormous head. He held me against him, one hand slowly wrapped around my back as his other reached around to cradle my head in his palm. It was one of those moments I always used to make fun of in a movie and how they never really happened like that in real life... romance, I guess you could say, only it wasn't... it was something way more intimate and, I guess, fulfilling.

He slowly pulled away, the faint hint of ursine musk still prominent in my nose and on my lips, and, though he was still smiling, it was just a little more subdued. "A Spirit's love is unconditional and without borders, Synochik... I knew you before you knew you, and the man you have become is one that brings me pride. You should know that you have no reason to hide any part of yourself, or feel the need to keep anything from me. If you are in pain I will help ease it; if you are afraid then I will help calm you; if you--"

Although everything he said was exactly the right thing, there are some times when words just don't do justice; rather than let him continue to ramble on, I leaned forward and kissed him again. It was a little different, I guess, because I was the one who started it, but it was no less special; the bright Golden glow from his eyes told me that, for him at least, it was probably even more special.

We stayed up late into the morning talking after that and, though he continued to cuddle me like I hadn't been held in years, it went no further than that. It could have, I'm sure, but for some reason it didn't feel like it HAD to. Unlike Tre, Medved had nothing to prove to me and we were able to be just as intimate without it being physical. Not that I didn't want to, of course... it just didn't feel like the right time-- it wasn't what I needed... and Medved was very good about understanding my needs... maybe even better than me.

I woke up in the morning completely enveloped in a bear-fur blanket or, more specifically, Medved wrapped all around me, laying beneath me on my bed with me atop him as if he were a bear skin rug. He hadn't slept, of course, but I had... and, although I made it a point to let everyone know that the Spirit of war didn't bother me, for the first time since encountering her, I had slept well.