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Zootopia

DIRTY HAIRY By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions (c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions (c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

PART 12

10:40 am Day 3 Zootopia First and Trust Bank Downtown

Fritz dove behind the poor Bull Elk as he flew off his hooved feet and crashed to the floor from the impact of the machine pistol rounds that caught him in the chest!

"BITES!" The tabby snarled as he whipped out his magnum, tracked the closest bad mammal trying to get a bead, cocked the hammer and pulled the trigger.....

"KABOOM!"

.....A wad-less high velocity round lifted the wild dog off his feet and threw him over the service counter behind him! Fritz wheeled around to see Samaliel cringing from the bullets smacking the marble column he was crouched behind and aimed at a Cheetah charging in with his Uzi aimed....

"KABOOM!"

The big cat spun like a pin wheel as another HV round slammed him above his left knee cap and threw him off his feet!

"Sammy! Get off your tail and use that damn gun!" Fritz snarled. He then saw agent Prote lying on her back with her lap top bag getting torn up by bullets..."Forget shooting! Get the damn lap top! I'll draw these dirt bags off!"

Fritz pulled the hammer back on his cannon, counted to three and came out running and tracking as the surprised bad mammals froze for a second at the insane audacity of their easily perceived mark....

"KABOOM!"

A wild dog was turning about to unleash a shot when a net enveloping round nailed him so hard that it sent him crashing through the glass doors of the bank front!

"Kapow! Kapow! Kapaow!Kapow! Kapow! Kapaow!"

Three more Cheetah's and another Wild dog unleashed on Fritz...

A bullet passed through his suit jacket.

Another bullet nicked him in the left ear.

Another bullet passed through his shoulder holster.

Three bullets ripped his pant legs!

"KABOOM!"

An air expanding "punching" slug nailed a Cheetah in the stomach, threw him off his feet and knocked him out!

"KABOOM!"

A proximity concussion slug exploded next to the last wild dog and sent him slamming into a marble column.

"KABOOM!"

A net round separated a machine pistol from it's Cheetah owner, leaving the frustrated cat fighting and screeching over it like a ticked off house cat.

The last standing Cheetah thought a hostage might be a viable option so he snatched a female "Dic Dic" by her hair and pushed his pistol into her ear as Fritz charged up and pointed his cannon at the big cat's face....

"You're not leaving dumb ass so let her go and drop the stupid gun." Fritz snarled as he cocked his magnum. "Today there?......dumb ass.....today."

"To hell with you!" The Cheetah snapped back. "I'm walking out here with her idiot? What are you gonna do with that stupid cannon? You pull that trigger and I'll kill miss cutie-pie here or you will....now back off you stupid kibble nibbler!"

Fritz giggled.....

"What are you laughing at you dumb domestic?!" The Cheetah snarled. "I'll whack this "Dic Dic" I swear I will whack her off! Now move!"

Fritz sighed....."You're so predictable...." He pulled his trigger and fired a nerve paralysis trank dart into the jugular of the Cheetah which dropped him to the floor.

Wrapping a caring arm around the terrified African deer, Fritz took her to an officer who just entered the bank with his pistol drawn....

"Idiots always measure a mammal by the size of his weapon." Fritz said as he gestured back to the fallen Cheetah. He looked around to see Samaliel holding agent Prote by her shoulders and ran to help....

"You ok Prote?" Fritz asked.

"What's that classic line that honey badger's don't care?" Prote replied. "I'd like to rip the jerk who came up with that meme...thank the maker for good vests." The Honey badger said as Samaliel helped her to her feet. "What about my lap top?" She asked.

"Wasted." Samaliel replied. "But I got the SD card so we're good."

Fritz snorted. "This wasn't a bank robbery. This was an attempted execution."

Samaliel looked at the body of the poor Bull Elk on the floor. "It's a murder investigation now."

Fritz nodded. "Get to work on that gift card I gave you Sammy? I need the results by 6pm. And the transaction information if you can pull out miracles?"

"I'll let my snotty little brother have a crack at it." Samaliel replied.

"The maker help us." Fritz said as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed it...

"Benji?" Fritz said to Clawhauser. "Put me on with the Chief? I need to discuss some things with him. And put it on the crypto line if you would please?"

4pm Day 3 David Sweet's Apartment Savanna Central

The door bell rang and David felt Fritz push a manila folder into his chest as he walked in. "Did you think you could sit on your hump as you please?"

David watched as Fritz walked to the fridge and pulled a bottle of beer out. "Well.....come in?" David said smirking. "Raid my fridge, have a beer, at least say something nice like "How are you feeling David? Are you in any pain? Can I provide you with a hooker?"

Fritz tipped his beer. "Here's to getting a free vacation you "sluggy mitch"."

David pulled the papers from the folder..."I heard about the Bank shooting. Was it a robbery?"

Fritz shook his head..."Oh no...it was a definite "hit" attempt on us." Fritz said with a snort. "The bastards got lucky too...trash our laptop with all the data we grabbed and killed the bank president. Some one really has it out for the Syndicates. We know that clearly now."

David read the police draft of the bank robbery..."Wild dogs and...... Cheetahs?"

Fritz nodded. "Makes the outcome sort of obvious doesn't it?"

"Anastasia Scapine?" David asked.

"Not her...." Fritz replied. "One of her henchmen, perhaps an understudy who finally decided to graduate from grade school. Here's something else I found."

Fritz handed David the gift card. "From a Publix store here in downtown. We're working to trace it back to whoever bought it originally." Fritz yawned and shoot his head. "Damn...I'm lagging bad. I need some coffee."

"I'll make it." David said as he pointed to the table by the small kitchenette. Take a seat so we can go over all this stuff. I'm sick of sitting on my ass watching "dogs hump four point oh".

"Wow...." Fritz snickered. "That's T.M.I. David."

David started to fill the coffee maker with water when an audible "click" came from behind his back.... The click of a revolver hammer being retracted....

"Put the pot down.....slowly David. I got lethals in this thing and you'll make a disgusting mess at this range." Fritz said as he aimed the magnum at David's head.

The Cheetah slowly placed the pot down on the counter..."You're making a big mistake "Dirty Hairy". A big fricken mistake."

"You're the one who's been making the dumb mistakes kid." Fritz said calmly. "Did you think I'd just walk through your police record like some typical file clerk? You must think Sargent Clawhauser's just a fat dumb cheetah who watches Gazelle all day long with a silly look on his face. Nice thing about presentation David? Often it's all for show. Clawhauser knew all about your Uncle's "rap" history which led him to digging into things more than he usually does. He's not known for being able to do more than two things at once but for you? He made an exception. So is that old Sahara sand crawler in charge of this or what?"

Fritz snatched David by his scruff, twisted it and put the Cheetah on his knees with a screech!

"Strike two was your own apartment. You suck at sanitation, seems you forgot the picture of your mother in your bedroom. She had three black spots on her forehead that looked like black roses? Like the three black roses Anastasia Scapine had on her head...when it was found giving oral sex to a flagpole. Then your face betrayed you when you saw her pelt hanging like a football trophy in Mister Big's pool room. You really need to know when not to swear in silence David? I'm good at reading lips."

Fritz pulled out a set of hand cuffs and slapped them on David's wrists. "Then there's the odd coincidence that as we'd be checking in on your wire transaction at that bank? A bunch of idiots try to fake a robbery to kill me and two ZBI agents. That was "class A" stupid of you."

Fritz snatched the Publix gift card off the kitchen counter. "And this card? Should have ditched it kid. Didn't take us long to trace it back to your own debit card and bank account. It's the gift card you used to buy extra prepared moisturized meat product. Easy for snakes to consume."

Fritz pushed David onto his stomach and casually poured himself a coffee. "So my question to you kid? Why? And of course....I almost forgot....the fake autopsy report on Strader, the fake EMT response.....guess he's a walking zombie?"

Fritz knelt down, snatched David's upper lip and twisted it till the Cheetah screamed....

"What want to know kid? Why? Why are you threatening to push the syndicates into open war? Is it revenge? Is it to do what mommy couldn't do? Are you itching to become "P.A.1" of all Zootopia? What is it kid? My inquiring mind deserves to know since you lied to me and used me? I just fricken hate little weasel dick'd bastards who use me like a snot rag."

Things went quiet.

"David?" Fritz snapped as he thumped David off the head. "David? What's your answer? At least stick up for your actions kid."

Fritz rolled David onto his back and watched the Cheetah snarl at him. "You do have something to say.....don't you David?" Fritz asked.

"You're such a damn disappointment Fritz." David snapped. "I thought you had more brains. I thought you'd understand. Sad that I might have to kill a mammal I actually had great respect for."

Fritz snorted back. "Save it for the judge kid. Shouldn't take too long to round up...."

A crash behind his back caught Fritz too late to whip his magnum around. The last thing he saw was the open maw of the smaller king cobra as it aimed its' fangs at his throat....."

"Damn." Fritz thought to himself as he lost consciousness.

End of part 12