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'Hey kiddo! Back so soon?'

'So soon? It's already passed six o'clock...'

'Wow... Time's flying... Where've you been?'

'Been hanging out with Sarah... Didn't do much. Just sat around and talked, that's all...'

'I see.'

'Where's Catherine?'

'It's Friday, she's off to yoga as usual.'

'Oh yeah... What's wrong with this one?'

'Well, I'm trying to bring this old critter back to life. Power supply unit got fried during that thunderstorm two days ago.'

'Who's it from?'

'Mister Rodriguez.'

'Blain's dad?'

'Yup.'

Simon puts his glasses on and stared inside a computer. He always did this as a hobby, fixing computers of relatives, friends and acquaintances. And sometimes, I just watched how he was fixing them. He seems to know a lot about PC's and sometimes builds them up from scratch by assembling new components together. 'I got one for ya to solve.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. Windows has been installed but it says that NTLDR is missing. How do you get it to work without replacing any hardware or reinstalling anything?'

I love these kinds of puzzles... Ever since the first time we've been fixing PC's together, he made all sorts of malfunctions that I wanted to solve. Most of the time, I could solve it but not always. So he helped me with it whenever I couldn't. But I took a close look at this malfunction. Windows wasn't starting... Only one hard-drive... NTLDR missing... If NTLDR is missing, it would mean that Windows isn't installed on that drive or something like that... This one was easy... There was a floppy disk in it so I removed it. And then everything worked fine when I pressed the power-button...

'That was quick.'

'Yup!'

'Do you know why it's the solution?'

'Because the floppy drive is set as the first boot device in the BIOS?'

'Yeah. It tries to find Windows on the hard-drive, but if the floppy drive is set as the first one, it tries to find it on the floppy disk. Windows isn't installed on the floppy disk, of course.'

Simon puts down his glasses while I watched him closing up the computer by screwing the side panels in. He lets out a quick sigh and smiled at me... 'C'mon, let's have some goulash soup.'

'Okay...'

He turned the light off and tidied his desk up by placing his tools back in the drawers where they belong. And so we made our way out of the room, downstairs.

Simon knows so much about computer related stuff... I saw the books he has in his bookcase and noticed he had a lot of books explaining various protocols and processes... Stuff like Cisco, MYSQL, Visual Basic, ITIL, MCDST, MCSA, MCSE and even though I had no idea what that all was, it must've been very complicated. I once opened up the MCDST book and saw all sorts of chapters covering NTFS permissions, RIS installations, boot processes, ACPI compliances, TCP/IP, DNS, DHCP and a lot more but I couldn't make much sense of it... Simon did... If he really knew so much about it then why was he working as a warehouse manager...? It didn't really make much sense to me... Once I sat down, he was messing around in the kitchen and moments later, he came back with a big steaming hot bowl of soup and placed it right in front of me. He got one for himself and sat across the table... 'I made it myself, tell me what you think.'

'Hmmm... Could've been a little spicier... But it's great though.'

'My mother used to make this all the time when I was young and my father always thought the exact same thing. I got some Tabasco sauce for you if you like. But it's really spicy.'

'I'm used to spicy food...'

'You sure about this?'

'Yup. Gimme.'

He handed me the Tabasco sauce and I carefully dripped a couple of drops in my soup... I looked at my bowl of soup as if it could burst out into spontaneous combustion any second... So a couple of more drops should do the trick. I felt like the guy in that one movie, playing around with Semtex and C4 explosives and of course, that didn't end well for him... 'Uh, I really think you should stop now. Give it a good stir.'

So I did and tasted a little... Simon looked at me with a suppressed grin and waited... 'It's not that spicy...'

'Wait for it to kick in...'

After a couple of slurps, I started to feel hot... Feeling as if my throat was about to ignite... But oh so tasty... I took a break from eating and chugged down a glass of water. 'You shouldn't drink, that'll only make it worse. Here, have some bread.'

Simon handed me a plate with slices of Ciabatta and I ate a couple of slices to get rid of that spicy feeling in my throat... 'Is it spicy enough for ya?'

'A little too spicy...'

'Hehehehe...'

So we kept on eating and I took a few breaks now and then to eat a slice of Ciabatta. But that question began to bubble up again whenever I looked at him... 'Simon?'

'Yes?'

'Have you ever thought of working in the computer business...?'

'IT? Yeah, I have. But sadly, I never got around it.'

'Why?'

'One little mistake, twenty-nine years ago... I could've easily made it with my education but I wanted more to be around with friends than to spend time at college.'

'Oh...'

'Well... It was my fault. There were so many chances and opportunities for me and I wish I did more with it. But you learn from you're mistakes and some people find out the hard way.'

'I see...'

'You remind me a lot of myself when I was young but don't make the same mistakes that I did. If I ever find out you're skipping classes, you'd better hide...'

'I never skipped class... It's not like I'm intending to...'

'Hehehe...'

Simon always was a very caring guy. Gentle, sweet and funny... But if you got on his bad side, you'd better hide... When he makes a threat, he makes sure to carry it out... He once told Catherine a story when he was still in the army, visiting a pub with his mates and this one guy started a fight with one of his mates. Simon tried to calm the situation down but he received a punch in the face all of a sudden. So he punched the guy a broken nose and knocked him out... And like me, he wasn't of the hook that easily when he said that they started it... Simon always told me it's okay to fight if someone else starts it but Catherine always told me that violence doesn't solve anything. She obviously never knocked someone out before... It helps to shut 'em up and to end a conflict immediately...

Simon and I did what we always did on a Friday night when I was young. He always made sure we had bags of crisps and other unhealthy crap and watched a movie together. He always sits in the right corner of the couch and I always sat next to him, cuddling most of the time. He's big and soft, much like a plushie and feeling his soft fur against mine was a wonderful feeling. The movie was great too... Mars Attacks! Awesome cast and great humour... But at some point, it was eleven o'clock and I had to go to bed... Just wanted to take a quick shower before I was off...

Everything changes when you're young. You grow older and you notice the world changing around you. But in fact, nothing changes. You'll come to realize that it is actually you who's changing in every way imaginable. And that night, I finally realized it. "I'm the one who's changing..." I saw my body after I locked the bathroom door and got myself undressed... Tiny little tits... Gently scratching my nipples with the tips of my fingers made them erect... And oh so sensitive... It feels different when you do it yourself... It feels better... I stepped in the shower at some point and while I was using a washcloth to rub shower-gel all over my body, I felt an itch between my legs... The kind of itch that just doesn't seem to go away and sends a tingle through your stomach each time you touch it... But when I rubbed that washing cloth over my vagina, I felt so strange... I looked around but there was no one... I realized I was alone in the bathroom with the door locked... No one would see or hear it if I did... So I let myself down and sat on the bottom of the shower cabin with my legs spreads as I looked down on it... I noticed my nipples where still erect and very sensitive whenever I touched them with the tips of my fingers... What were these strange feelings I started to feel? Why was I thinking of Sarah that evening and not Mikaela? Why did I imagine Sarah with her head between my legs and not Mikaela whenever I had my eyes closed...? Then that tingle through my stomach was felt once more and that kind of itch that just doesn't seem to go away... Just one little touch made the itch go away for just a short moment... But my vagina felt so slick and so warm... Gently rubbing it only stacked up the feelings... The journey of self discovery never felt so amazing the evening I first masturbated... I remembered her naked body the night we took a bath together... But that evening, I could only wish she was with me so that I could've shared those feelings with her... Touching my clitoris with Sarah in mind only added to my pleasurable feelings... Quiet gasps echoed throughout the bathroom as I gave a squeak of pleasure every now and then... It's difficult to try to stay as quiet as possible when you're in a state of ecstasy... But I tried nonetheless as the feelings only stacked up... And then all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the bathroom door and Catherine's voice... 'Honey! Are you almost done?'

'Y-Yeah! I-I'm almost done!'

'You alright in there?'

'I-I'm fine! I'll be out in a minute!'

Her sweet voice made me snap back to reality... And I found myself sitting on the bottom of the shower cabin while the hot water was running over me... "Wow..." It took me a couple of moments but then I turned the shower off and dried myself... Once I got dressed in my underwear, I got out and I noticed Catherine sitting on her bed. 'You can use the bathroom...' I said quietly... Catherine looked at me for a short moment and with that, I got to my own room...

As soon as I got under the blanket and closed my eyes, my mind drifted off... Thinking of Sarah and the things we'll do the next time we're together... The next time we're having a sleepover... Imagining Sarah rubbing over my panties in the right spot did it for me... The soft fabric of my panties was wet... And when I let my hand down my panties, it felt even slicker than it did in the shower... Slowly going up and down over the same spot with the tips of my fingers... Only Sarah could make me feel like this... And I thought it was kinda strange because Sarah and I never had sex before. Only Mikaela and Blain did... Maybe that was the reason why I was longing for Sarah instead... But despite that... I stopped at some point and fell asleep quickly...

I woke up that Saturday morning at around nine AM by a soft knock on the door. When the door opened up, Catherine peeked her head around the doorpost and smiled at me... 'Hey sleepyhead, you're awake yet?'

'Barely...'

'I'm off to do some groceries; do you want to come along?'

'Naah...'

'Oh... Okay. Want me to bring you anything?'|

'No, I'm fine...'

'What's wrong, hon?'

'Nothing, I'm just tired... It's so early in the morning...'

'It's already nine AM... Anyway, I'll be back in a bit, okay? There's filet and bread in the kitchen if you like.'

'Awesome...'

She smiled at me and left... I heard how she's got down the stairs. Picked up her keys... Heard the kitchen door open and closing and how she made her way on the gravel path to the shed to get to her bicycle... The creaking sound of the gate whenever it's opened and closed... And after that... Silence... I was alone again... And when I realized that, I realized I could do anything I couldn't do the evening before... So I got out of bed and went towards the large mirror on the wall... Seeing myself in the mirror was a bit strange for some reason or another... But I took my nightie off and saw my small tits again... Once I saw those, everything started all over again... I threw my nightie on the bed and got out of my panties. Sitting in front of the mirror with my legs spread, trying to see it. With each minute that passed by, I started to feel more aroused... Especially when my fingers went over my pussy lips... My pussy lips... Not hers... It felt wet and oh so slick whenever I stroked my fingers over it... Very carefully, I spread my lips in front of the mirror... And while I kept spreading it with my thumb and index finger, I felt the insides with my other hand... My fingered gently penetrated... Very nice and slow and not too deep... I felt comfortable and relaxed with everything I did... I dripped a little on the carpet but I didn't mind... All I could think of was Sarah... And then all of a sudden, I got an idea... I always groom myself... And Mikaela said it's like grooming yourself, only not... And I know I could reach it with my tongue... I got down on my back and lifted my ass up in the air and placed my legs behind my neck... I stick out my tongue and I saw my own pussy up close... I placed my hands on my ass and forced it down a bit... And then finally, I was lapping my own pussy... And I did it just the way I felt the most comfortable and relaxed... But even though it felt so great to taste my own pussy, the hard surface of the floor hurt my back... A short while later, I recovered from my position and continued to rub myself while slowly penetrating only made it feel better... Those quiet gasps and squeaks of pleasure... So amazing... But when I took a closer look in the mirror, I noticed it... I saw it the night Mikaela was doing it with her little brother... The night I was fingering her... I spread my own lips and prodded with my finger... The tip of my finger was covered in some thick white-ish fluid... But I noticed going in and out went rather easy because of it... Very slowly, I tried to get a little deeper... Until my finger disappeared in it...

'I've brought back some- Oh...'

Ouch... I still remembered the look on Catherine's face when she came back in the room. But what's even worse was that I realized what I was doing on the ground, being naked... Catherine left me alone by closing the door but needless to say, I was so embarrassed... I was so caught with myself I didn't even hear her coming in... And looking at the clock made me realize I was masturbating for half an hour... So I got dressed and brushed my teeth but I didn't go downstairs. I stayed in my room because I was too embarrassed that Catherine caught me having my special alone time... But after an hour or so, I heard a soft knock on the door... 'Honey...?'

'Yes...?'

'Can I come in?'

'Sure...'

So she gets in room and sat on my bed while I wasn't facing her... 'C'mere, sit down...'

'Hm...'

'Do you feel embarrassed about what just happened...?'

'Do you...?'

'No, dear... It's only natural for us to do so... I just didn't expect you to discover yourself so soon. But I was around the same age when I did.'

'Oh... Is it wrong to like it...?'

'No, of course not... What makes you think that...?'

'I don't know...'

'It's something we all do. Some start a little sooner and some are a little later.'

'Did you like it whenever you did...?'

Hehehe... Now there was a question that she wished I never asked. You saw her face turning a little red... But despite that, she was being honest. It took a small moment for her to admit... But she admitted it, nevertheless... 'Uh... Well, uh... Yes... Yes, I did.' She said with a weak smile.

Catherine and I talked about sex for a while and it was the first time I had that kind of a conversation with her. And even though she explained it in a different way than Mikaela did, there wasn't anything that I already didn't know...

Sex was always such a strange thing. So many people give their own twist to it to give it a meaning. A reason to let it happen between two people. Everyone loves it but everyone doesn't want to show it. And I didn't understand that at the age of thirteen. Why would people hide the things they love the most? But nevertheless, I always did what Mikaela told me to do. To keep my mouth shut. Everything starts out innocently enough until there's something that can shatter something you consider so precious and valuable to thousands of pieces. I didn't know what I was doing at that age and what it did to Blain, who got dragged down by me by having sex occasionally... Either in his tree-house or whenever I was alone with him... Any opportunity was exploited... And I was the one exploiting him while I wasn't realizing it at that age... But at some point, you grow so overconfident that you're not realizing the consequences of what you are doing. From my experience, when you get overconfident, things go wrong. And I found out the hard way...

I don't like to talk about this particular event that took place in my life in detail because, up to this day, I'm still ashamed for what I did. But I feel that I have to talk about it... I can honestly not describe what I'm feeling right now... But I already let you in on my little secret... It happened on a rainy Sunday when Blain and I were spending the afternoon together in his room. We were playing Donkey Kong Country on his Super Nintendo... At some point, we got bored with it and found other ways to keep us busy... But like I said, I became overconfident and everything changed from that point on... Blain's mum walked in on us while I was riding him... It wasn't just humping... The two of us were naked and I "simulated" the movements Mikaela explained to me while I was on top of him even though I wasn't being penetrated... What felt to me as a way to keep our friendship close and tight turned out to be illusion... Everything backfired against me while I didn't know why. She was shocked of course, for what we were doing at that age. And I was the one dragging Blain down with me... Maybe for my own personal satisfaction... Maybe because it felt good to know that he liked it... Maybe it was because I really loved him as a friend... Or maybe all of those reasons played a part... But nevertheless, what we did was something that couldn't be kept a secret by his mum. She had to tell Simon and Catherine... I wasn't realizing that something so innocent could have such a huge impact on the both of them. Catherine talked to me about it... And I told her that "They told me there's nothing wrong to show affection to the people you care for the most"... And I was referring to Mikaela, Sarah, Kevin and Jason by that...After she heard that, I saw her reaction... She was overwhelmed with panic and fear... Catherine is always very calm but the night she talked to me, she was anything but calm... She got hold of my shoulders, looked me straight in the eyes and tried to ask me as calm as possible who it was that told me that... But after seeing her reaction, I totally shut myself down to her... The more she asked, the more she panicked... The longer she tried to get the answer from me, the worse it became...

I heard Catherine and Simon talking that night... I listened to them, hearing how Catherine was sobbing quietly... That I was associating affection with sex... That I was just a little cub... That something must've happened in the camp that made me act like that... I got taken to a psychiatrist once more to talk about everything. About the war but also about the potential sexual abuse that they thought that happened to me back there... I didn't consider myself to be sexually abused... I wanted to... Just with her and with her alone... They never left me alone once they found out the truth... And I started to understand what Mikaela once told me...

"People always had a bit of a funny view on this thing called love... It's something you should always express to the people you care for the most... Most people don't do that anymore, which explains all those broken marriages... I saw it falling apart in front of my very eyes... And it's something I don't want anyone to experience... But it's always been a taboo to show you're love to someone younger than yourself... Especially my kind of love... Brothers, sisters... Relatives... Anyone... It doesn't matter, which is why you have to keep it a secret from anyone else... Because people don't see the love we share for each other... And they'd hate me for it if they would find out, because I'm the oldest and should know better..So don't tell anyone we're in love... Not even you're parents... They wouldn't understand our reasons..."

Thinking of those words again made me realize that it should've stayed a secret. Blain and I were examined by a psychiatrist separately and we told our story of what happened. But they never had an answer to who it was that said it to me. Mikaela's name was never mentioned during those sessions. For months, they tried to figure me out but I always talked about the war instead. I think they got the impression that I was sexually abused during the war. And not by Mikaela while I never considered myself to be sexually abused by her in the first place. And ever since that day, I changed dramatically... Who the hell were these people trying to lead my life and to keep me away from the people I care for the most...? They couldn't... Simon and Catherine and Blain's parents couldn't keep Blain and me from seeing each other. They tried to break something apart that's been together for years, for better and worse. But in the end, they had no reason to keep us apart. The friendship that Blain and I shared only became stronger and the bond I had with Mikaela only grew. I told her everything about what happened... And the sleepovers at her place stopped... Instead, I went to Sarah's house after school where I usually ended up naked in bed with her big sister Mikaela... I didn't do that every day... I learned from my mistakes... I came by regularly, at least once a week but each time I made sure that it were different days then the week before. Up to this day, no one knows what happened. No one knows the truth about Mikaela and what we really did. It lasted throughout my high school period... Each and every time I was with her, we had sex... Our relationship wasn't that passionate anymore because we could only see each other shortly... But I didn't mind... I was with her again in the way I wanted to despite the people who were against our love... They couldn't break our love we shared for each other... But I guess it was just a matter of time...