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"Hiya wolf boy!"

Eve's ever enthusiastic greeting warms me immediately, finally giving me some reprieve from my apparently eternally swirling maelstrom of thoughts.

"Hey Eve!"

"So, how has your day been? Any news on your job search? You saw Ryan too right, how was it? Oh, and I heard Adrian finally got his bandages off!"

"Yeah, he has indeed. He headed back to his place after that too, since he's properly capable of taking care of himself again and all that."

"Oh, so soon? You glad to have the space back, or...?" She trails off.

"Or." I admit with a sigh. "I miss the company already."

"Sure, I get that. I know all about feeling lonely." Her voice drifts off a little as though caught by a passing thought.

Being confronted with Eve's worries forms a knot in my stomach. All those years I didn't know how she felt. I could have done more for her, but no, ignorant foolish Kale couldn't see what was happening, I just kept on...

I stop and shake off the self-directed disdain, but it takes a few moments to pull myself together completely. After what happened with Adrian I can't look at myself the same way anymore. Everything has changed.

"I'm just so worried about him after everything that happened before, you know?" I say.

"You think he'll try something like that again?"

"No. Not really. Not right now. But my subconscious and my anxieties have alternative opinions."

"Look. He's alive, we've both spent time with him, talked to him and he says he's feeling better. So if he tells us he's ready to go back to his place then that's fine. We have to trust him."

"I know. You're right, of course you are."

There's a pause of unstated but obvious mutual appreciation and shared struggle until, after a few seconds of silence, the time is right and Eve picks the conversation back up.

"So, how about the rest of your day?"

"Well, there's not much news on the job search, but as for Ryan's visit? That was a real journey." With a deep breath I fill her in on an abridged version of what the husky told me. She's intrigued and concerned in equal measure, as I could have predicted she would be, as I feel myself.

"And after all of that you're still going to see Marty tomorrow?"

"Yeah, well, I don't know what else to do." I sigh. "I don't want to ignore Ryan, even if there's only a small chance his fears are founded in reality. That wouldn't sit right with me."

"Sure, I get it. The fact that you always have that kind of impulse is what makes you such a great guy Kale. Just, be careful, okay? Whatever it turns out to be, something is clearly up with those two."

I tell her I'll be fine but assure her I'll tread carefully, thanking her for the sentiment regardless.

"But that's well enough about my life. Tell me all about this amazing date you had."

"Well, for starters, it was far less dramatic than your meeting with Ryan."

"Glad to hear it," I say with an exasperated laugh. "You and Jay went for dinner and and a movie right?"

"Yeah, we went to a nice Italian place. He paid, so that was wonderful," I laugh more vigorously at that. Her dry delivery hits the right spot and I can just imagine the smirk on her face. "Then we went and saw that new psychological thriller thing that got a bunch of good reviews."

"Neon Break?"

"That's the one."

"I thought you straight people were meant to see rom-coms or popcorn flicks on your first dates."

"That's a harmful stereotype Kale." She laughs. "We have similar tastes actually, me and Jay. The film was good anyway; a bit of a headfuck."

"So everything went wonderfully then. That's so lovely to hear."

"Yeah, well," she hesitates a mere moment too long for it to be nothing. "Basically. It was really good. We're seeing each other again tomorrow."

"So eager," I tease, stretching out my words to allow me some time to think of a way to probe her further. "Anything happen after the cinema?"

"Well, I drove him home - I insisted on driving since he bought dinner - and he sort of invited me in. He wasn't pushy or anything. He was really sweet about it actually..."

"So," I pause and take in a breath. "What happened next?"

"Well, nothing. I didn't go for it."

I shrug, despite her having no way to know about or acknowledge the gesture.

"That's fine, you can take things as fast or slow as you want."

"Well, that's the thing." Her voice is knotted with frustration. "I did want to, most of me did anyway. I mean, who knows how far things would have gone if I followed him inside? Frankly I wanted them to go far. Do you know how long it's been since I last had sex?"

I take in a sharp breath.

"Uh, a few months, right?" I ask, frowning deeply.

"Seven months," she states forcefully. "I'll put it bluntly: I'm fucking horny. If it wasn't for my vicarious enjoyment of you and Adrian's sex lives I would be losing my damn mind by now."

I get a sudden mental image of her pleasuring herself to thoughts of my sexual escapades. I have to stifle a giggle at the ridiculousness of it all, but, who knows? There might be some truth to it. It's not like I would hold it against her.

"You do know there's porn all over the internet right?"

She laughs. "Oh I know, but it's not the same."

I share in the revelry for a while before getting back on track.

"So you like this guy, you're horny and he invites you in. Why didn't you take his offer girl?" She's silent for a while, leaving my question to sit unanswered in the empty air. "You okay, Eve?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." There's a long exhalation of breath and a sniff before she talks again. "I just let myself get in my head sometimes. I didn't go with him because I was worried. I was worried that I was only in it for the sex, that I didn't really like him. I was worried whether my reasons for going out with him in the first place even made sense."

"It's okay to get with somebody just for some sexual relief you know. It's your life and your body hon."

"I know that wolf boy, but this wasn't like that. We went on a date, we got talking, this wasn't a one night stand kind of thing and I didn't want to treat it like one."

"Sure, but you keep telling me how much you like him, how much of a nice time you had, so where did all those doubts even come from?"

"It's dumb, I know. I do like him, really I do. But some stupid, self-destructive part of me wonders whether I was only so attracted to him in the first place because of you; like, because I was into you for so long. He's a big hot wolf like you are. He's caring and supportive like you are. He's not some macho guy, but he's not effeminate, you know, like you are. And think about when I met him: I was drinking to forget my woes, and what was I in such a mood about? You. I just... I..."

"You're worried that you see him as some kind of substitute, straight version of me? Is that it? You're worried that your feelings for him might be false, that they're only some kind of projection of what you felt for me?"

"I guess, that's about it, yeah."

"And so you're wary about taking things too far before you figure out how you really feel? That makes sense. I know exactly how that feels."

"I suppose you do. And, yeah, that's a fair way to describe it." She lets out a frustrated huff. "I had a great date, I really did, and now I'm here feeling anxious and unsure, torturing myself. I don't know what to do about it."

"Eve," I pause and breathe. "Look, I think you're overthinking this. Something about the guy attracted you and you've both got this far already so the interest is clearly mutual. Sure, maybe you'll try it out and then a week or a month or two down the line you'll realize he isn't what you're really after, but if you don't even try how will you ever know? You don't have to rush things or get physical until you're ready, if you ever are, but for now I'd say just go with what feels right. If things don't work out, if you feel uncomfortable or unhappy you can make another decision. Leave him if you have to. I know you're very capable of picking yourself back up and taking things from there - and you know I'm always here when you need me too - but until you know how you really feel, you shouldn't give up on something that could make you happy out of nothing more than fear. If your gut is really telling you that something isn't right then listen to it, but if that's not the case, I mean, it's clear you like him. It won't hurt to take a chance. Not too much, anyway. Life is pain and all that, but it's pleasure too, if you let it be."

She remains quiet for a few seconds, taking in my words, processing them.

"I think you're right." She exhales slowly. "Thank you for this. I don't know what I'd do without you Kale."

"And I don't know what I'd do without you Eve."

We both mean it wholly and completely. Something about our shared understanding and connection holds a certain meaningfulness that leaves us both in quiet introspection.

"I'm glad I have a friend like you to ground me wolf boy. I'm past the worst of my depression, but it's something that never vanishes completely, and sometimes I get suckered in by fear and anxiety and paranoia. I'm so incredibly glad that I have you to pull me out of it."

"Yeah," I agree feebly, unsure how else to respond to such a touching comment.

"Sometimes I just need the perspective of somebody clear-minded. Someone who doesn't have to deal with all this self-torturing mental bullshit on a daily basis."

My thoughts snag on her words. They make a certain amount of sense. I've never experienced chronic depression or anxiety, but... Since what happened to Adrian... Every day my life seems to get more and more complicated, more mired in fear and confusion and it has been affecting me. I can still see him lying there, covered in blood... I...

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," I mutter quietly, instantly wishing I hadn't.

"Kale..."

"No, it's nothing, I just... with everything going on, you know? It's been hard."

"Yeah," she sighs. "Sure. Just go easy on yourself, okay? If you need a break from all of this you can take it. If you don't want to apply for jobs for a few days, or if you don't want to go to Marty's and deal with all that shit then don't do it."

"But I- I feel like I have to."

"And why is that?"

"I can't let Ryan down. He asked for my help in earnest. I ignored Adrian when he needed me... we both know what that lead to. I'm not going to let anything like that happen on my watch ever again."

"I understand why you feel like that Kale, but you have to live for yourself too. You have to value your own life and well-being."

"Not above those I care about. I couldn't."

"At least alongside them then, on the same level."

"Sure," I pause. "But it's not always easy."

"No," she says. "It's not."

*

The next morning I meet Adrian at a midway point between our apartments and together we set off toward Marty's place.

"This is gonna be a wild one," Adrian comments as we walk side by side. "What have you gone and got us into here?"

"Don't act like you aren't excited. You live for drama like this hon."

He flashes me a fiery grin.

"You know I do girlfriend."

We discuss the plan again briefly, going over what Ryan told me yesterday and how he thought we'd be able to evoke a telling response from Marty. All of this feels totally surreal, but Adrian's presence helps ground me. I find myself not panicking, which I didn't expect. Simply knowing he'll be here with me the whole time does a lot to keep my anxieties at bay.

"How was it? Going back to your apartment for the night?" I ask.

"Odd," he answers, softly.

"Yeah."

There's a lull in conversation and he clears his throat. "It needed to happen, I couldn't put it off forever."

I nod, swallowing down the beginnings of a retort. Would it be selfish to tell him I missed him? That it didn't feel right sleeping alone?

Surely it would. He wants more of me than I know how to offer. I know how to be his friend, I don't know how to be his lover.

"I guess so," I lamely settle on saying. He offers an apparently disinterested half nod and that's that.

The rest of the walk passes in relative quiet, the two of us left to our myriad thoughts, and we end up at our destination without any further discussion of substance. It's not an awkward atmosphere, rather there's a sense that there's nothing to be said - or perhaps, more precisely, nothing that should be said - between us. There's no animosity or tension or upset feelings, there's just... an acceptance, a resignation, a sense that things are settled or are at least in the process of settling.

I realize as we arrive at the otter's apartment what's going on between us. It feels like today he's suddenly an acquaintance doing me a favor, not a close friend who's forever at my back. His advances came to nothing, that hurt him, and my guess is he's taken it upon himself to create some distance, to ease the pain he's been in. I can't remotely blame him for that, but I hate it all the same.

His presence is still comforting, but it's tainted by my own dismal perspective on our relationship. There's distance and he's drifting. I wonder if we'll even be friends in a few months time. I likely won't be working with him and if he continues like this it doesn't seem likely he'll make frequent social calls. We could fall out of contact easily. Maybe that's what he wants. Maybe I shouldn't even try to stop him.

This line of thinking is pessimistic and defeatist and I know it, but I can't shake the thoughts entirely. I'm feeling uneven as we're finally being let in by the vibrant, and colorfully dressed, otter.

"Hey boys," Marty begins cheerily, a hint of effeminate affect on top of his usual well-spoken diction. With a welcoming swish of his wrist he beckons us inside. "Come in, make yourselves at home. Want a drink? Coffee, tea, soda, beer, water?"

We share greetings, make our drink selections, settle on the sofa and make small talk. Marty brings out a snack selection for us to pick at while we chat; it's a thoughtful gesture when taken at face value, but with everything Ryan said I'm armed only with doubts, my mind twisting all his words and actions until they fit the husky's narrative of manipulation and deceit.

Those doubts leave me unable to feel entirely at ease interacting with the otter. There's a certain queasiness inside me that comes with the knowledge that things are going to go off the rails today, one way or another. I do my best to act natural but it's undeniable I'm on edge. I have to do better. If I'm jittery and nervous he'll see right through me.

"How's the job hunt going?" Marty asks, finally sat across from us, resting back against his armchair. I shrug.

"No real news to tell yet."

"It's only been a few days, you'll get there," Marty wears a warm, reassuring smile. "And how about you Adrian, you still working at that place? Won't be the same without Kale, right?"

"Yeah, for the moment I'm there. The place will fall apart without Kale," he smirks wryly and laughs to himself, the facetious nature of his words quite apparent. "Or at least I'll lose interest in it. He was the only thing making my days there even halfway bearable. I'll be leaving soon too."

Marty nods, muzzle clamped. He puts on a thoughtful sort of look: head tilted, gazing solemnly into space, paw idly stroking the back of his head.

"I wish you luck too then and, seriously, if either of you struggle to find a job - though I know you're both very capable and I'm sure this is unlikely to come up - you can always give me a call and I'll be there to help." He pauses, makes as if to talk again, then stops himself and looks into my eyes. "You did tell Adrian about my family right?" I nod. "Good," he chuckles, "That would have sounded pretty odd otherwise."

"It's a shame, actually, that I know you're talking about family connections. I would have liked to believe something more exciting, like you were propositioning us for bedroom services in exchange for some capital," Adrian claims dryly, offering the otter a salacious wink.

Marty smirks and shakes his head.

"Ah, there it is, you hear about my moneyed background and you're already brandishing your pickaxe ready to dig for that Konroy gold."

"You read me like a book," Adrian says with a tut and a dramatic sway of his head. I can't help but laugh along with his display and soon the two of them are doing the same.

They continue their miniature melodrama a little longer, jabbing back and forth about sex, greed and money. We laugh together and the atmosphere takes a positive turn. We nibble at the snacks and lose ourselves in small talk for another couple of minutes before I decide it's time for me to point the conversation in the right direction.

"Anyway, Marty, since you know what I've been up to, how have you been over the last few days?"

"Oh, me? Well, decent overall I suppose." He seals his muzzle tight and flicks his eyes to the side. "Just feeling a little lost at sea with the play over and..."

He trails off and shakes his head, grabbing at some chips and tentatively consuming them in small, timid bites.

"Something bothering you?" I ask after giving him some time to dwell in thought. I do all I can to keep myself and my voice steady as I speak, following up with a sip at my beer. I'm nervous but I can't show it; I have to sell my sincerity as best I can or else this whole thing falls apart.

"Nothing major, not really. It's just Ryan. I already told you we've been arguing. The situation has been getting progressively colder between us and it hurts me to see our friendship freeze over like this."

"Yeah," I say, nodding, maintaining a neutral tone.

Adrian tilts his head slightly, the movement only barely registering at the corner of my vision. "What exactly caused all the tension between the two of you in the first place?" He asks, playing his part perfectly without need for prompt.

I'm so glad he's here

"W-well," Marty begins with a hint of a stammer. "We have a lot of history, you know?" He sighs, then finds himself and regains a sense of steadiness. "Truth is, Ryan seems to think I'm only after you for, I don't know, some weird, twisted made up reason. He thinks I might not want you for you, that I'm trying to get at him, or," he shakes his head and wears a deep-set frown. "I don't know. It's been a slow progression to this point, but things have been shaky between us for a while."

Nothing he's said yet directly contradicts anything Ryan told me. If Marty really is weaving his own twisted tale, he's good at it. Pushing him for details too avidly and hoping to find a chink in his armor might end up giving the game away. We have to be careful with how we handle this.

"I'm sorry to hear that Marty."

"Ah," he waves a paw dismissively. "It's nothing. I'm good, really. I don't have any right to complain in the first place: I'm a spoiled rich kid with too much time on my paws." He smiles broadly, but there's a slight flicker to his muzzle that lets slip a sense of underpinning uncertainty. "But seriously you don't have to worry about me, meeting the two of you has been good for me. I'm so glad to have you both here."

"It's our pleasure, and it's been a delight getting to know you too."

"I feel the same, even though this is only our second time meeting," Adrian adds. "The first one was certainly memorable enough to last." He locks eyes with the otter who reciprocates his intense gaze.

Part of me had blocked out the fact that the two of them have fucked. I shouldn't care, but caught up in the mixed emotions of the moment I do. A strange pang of envy hits me; I feel an almost instinctual, territorial need to end their eye-fucking as soon as possible. Thankfully, Marty does it all on his own before I say anything stupid.

"So, anyway, that's about enough reflection and ice-breaking, how about we all loosen up a bit and enjoy ourselves?"

"Sure," Adrian says. "What did you have in mind then?"

"Well, to start I'll mention Ryan is out for the next four hours or so, so you can get gone by then if you like, or stick around and see him if you have the time and desire to do so." He turns to me. "I'll try and have his entrance be a less dramatic affair than last time. But as for now, I know me and you, Kale, are partial to some leaf, and being a typical rich boy who's fond of partying hard I have a few more pleasures around here, depending on how fucked you wanna get." He pauses and giggles. "I don't mean sex-wise. Although, I could mean sex-wise if that's how things go," He wears a toothy, almost foxish grin, but he quickly knocks it off his own face. "Not that I have any expectations of such. Just joking around, poorly, well, not entirely joking, but, yeah, you know what I mean."

I can't help but laugh at the endearing, awkwardness of his delivery; his usual calm, confidence replaced with a sort of flustered vulnerability.

"It's fine Marty, I get what you're saying. Nobody here is offended, I mean we've all fucked one another already."

Adrian nods, brandishing his own foxish grin. "But as for your actual offer, I'll politely decline the weed and whatever else you may have. Not my style." With a flick of his wrist he pardons us. "But you two go right on ahead and enjoy yourselves."

Marty frowns and tilts his head.

"You know Adrian, I really didn't take you for the straight edge type."

"Oh, honey, no. Straight edge means no alcohol either, and I'm not about that. Plus the idea of the word 'straight' applying to me in any way makes me feel physically sick."

"Now that I can agree with. How about something a little stronger to drink then? What's your poison? I've got a bit of everything. Rum? Gin? Don't tell me, you're a tequila guy."

Adrian grunts.

"Give me some basic-bitch vodka and coke and leave your judgment in the kitchen."

"I hear you. In fact, I've got some good ninety proof vodka, real branded coke and zero judgment for your fine drink selection, so don't worry your pretty little ass about a thing." Marty tops his words off with a wink and Adrian offers an approving swish of his tail, then the otter scurries off to the little kitchen area with a smile on his face.

It may not, in the abstract, seem a great idea to get drunk and high at the same time I'm trying to figure out exactly what the hell is going on between Marty and Ryan, but I half expected things to go this way and Adrian agreed we should go through with it regardless. Marty will know something's up if we act odd; he already knows I enjoy a good smoke and suddenly abstaining could put him on alert if he's really as perceptive and conniving as Ryan claims him to be.

Fuck, but here I was doing so well keeping my smoking cravings at bay and yet I'm about to partake all over again and potentially waste all of that progress. This is weed, not tobacco and I have no doubt Marty will roll it pure, but still, it's smoking. I'll simply have to stay strong going forward. That's really all there is to it, but clearly that's almost infinitely easier to say than do.

Adrian takes Marty's brief absence as an opportunity to flash me a meaningful glance. We're in this together, wherever the night goes.

Being reminded that he's got my back helps curb my anxieties quite effectively. He reaches out and gives my arm a reassuring squeeze and I smile broadly, hopefully radiating my gratitude.

"We've got this," he says.

I nod. "What do you think?"

He shrugs. "There's something going on here, definitely. We just have to figure out exactly what it is."

His eyes glaze a little as he looks distractedly off to the side, then suddenly he giggles.

"What?" I ask through my own nervous laughter.

"We're just so serious, you know? Like spies on a mission or something," He shakes his head. "I dunno, it's just funny to me."

Before I have a chance to formulate a response Marty walks in with a drink for Adrian in one paw and two generously sized joints in the other.

Soon enough Adrian's halfway drained his drink and I'm feeling that familiar feeling of lightness and looseness. God, finally getting to take a drag after a few days going cold turkey is... It's indescribable.

A plethora of sensations hit me hard and fast and I feel both a sense of satisfaction and an insatiable hunger simultaneously. It scares me, but I have to believe I can deal with it. I'll enjoy this tonight and then I'll stop again. I'm capable of stopping, I've learned that already, I just need to trust myself.

"So, aside from the job stuff, how has your week been?" Marty asks, finally breaking our collective, drug-induced silence.

'Not good' would be the most to-the-point answer. Adrian almost killed himself for a fucking start. I quickly glance over to the fox to remind myself that yes, he actually is here. He actually is alive.

"It's had its ups and downs," I say.

He nods knowingly and takes another long drag, exhaling the smoke slowly, almost theatrically.

"You made any plans to see Ryan again? Or, I guess, did you get a chance to see him this week already?"

"I, uh," I take a drag, giving myself a moment to consolidate my thoughts. "Yeah, I saw him, briefly. We just had a catch up really." I shrug noncommittally.

"Good, good. Normally I wouldn't need to ask where he's been, we'd naturally tell each other everything we're up to but, well, yeah. I guess I don't need to explain the same point over and over. Things aren't going so great between us."

"Yeah," I say shortly. Nodding.

"He made that clear too I'm sure." The otter frowns and shakes his head. "I know I shouldn't ask," he hesitates and sucks in a sharp breath. "And of course you don't have to answer, but what did he say about me? He's been a bit unstable lately and I'm just worried he's gonna take things way out of proportion and scare you off or something, I know that might sound paranoid, but..." He sighs. "Sorry, I wish you didn't have to get involved with any of this."

"Hey, it's okay. I would have made my excuses and fucked off days ago if I couldn't take being involved. I like you guys, a lot. That's why I'm here."

I catch his eyes and we stare deeply into one another. I find a strange sort of confidence in the moment and match his gaze, unwavering. I'm lying to his face about Ryan, but I won't show weakness. If the husky is right about him I'm certain he'd pick up on any weakness immediately.

"That means a lot to me. Thank you for saying that."

"It's nothing. But, honestly, Ryan didn't talk much about you. We were just," I shrug once again. "Talking."

Marty's muzzle twitches. He doesn't seem to like that answer, but he doesn't probe further for the moment. The weed leaves me feeling lightheaded and I worry that I won't be able to keep my tongue under strict control, but I have enough experience with these highs and the situation is unique and important enough that I'm hopeful I'll be able to stay alert and it won't become a problem.

"Sure, I'm sorry for prying like that. I guess I let my pessimism get the best of me. I'm glad he hasn't been bitching, and that you two are getting along so well. It's just, well, I wish I still felt like I could trust him and... never mind. I don't need to trouble you with all that."

I pull my features into a frown and nod. "I hope things improve between the two of you. Truly."

I'm considering the best way to prod deeper, my thought processes undeniably slowed by the haze of the high, when he speaks up again.

"Anyway enough of that, lets enjoy ourselves. You need a refill Adrian, and for you my dear Kale I have plenty more weed. Or if you're feeling adventurous I still have a bit of coke around, among other things." A wild grin plasters itself across his muzzle as he confiscates Adrian's glass and monologues at me. I start stammering out an answer but he waves away my words before they can be spoken and leaves the room. Apparently a response is not required.

I share another meaningful look with Adrian in the otter's absence, but in my intoxicated state I can't fully focus on his face. His fiery fur and golden eyes burst into endless plains of sun-soaked color, they span on into an infinite horizon, leaving me breathless and, then, I, am... back to earth. And Marty is back with the drinks and a pawful of drugs.

Damn, this stuff has hit me harder than I'd realized.

"Thanks," Adrian says, politely, accepting his refill from Adrian. Not from Adrian, from Marty. Yeah. "But about Ryan, I wanted to chime in too, I really do hope you two patch things up. I mean I've only met you both briefly, but it's clear you have a lot of history and a deep running bond between you and to let all that crumble because of some arguments, or whatever's been going on, seems tragic."

"Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment, truly. I really hope we manage to make things right," Marty admits at the same time he's offering me another joint.

"Not right now," I say in refusal, my face covered by a dumb, unwanted grin. "That's some heavy stuff."

It really is. Though, it's funny to call something heavy when smoking it makes me feel so light, like I'm floating. I don't know if it's hitting me so hard because of my cold-turkey attempt these past couple days, or if it's somehow exacerbated by my anxieties or if it's something else. What if Marty spiked it with something stronger? Or, more likely, all the chatter and bitching and conniving between him and Ryan has left me paranoid and impressionable. Get a grip Kale, there's no need to panic. Not quite yet, at least.

"It is indeed. Anyway, that's enough about Ryan, I'd rather talk about the two of you. How was your weekend Adrian?"

The fox pulls away from his drink sharply and a sourness briefly contorts his features.

"Not so good," he utters.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." The otter takes a drag, looks away, then looks back. "I won't pry any further."

"I appreciate that."

Marty nods solemnly. "I hope the week has treated you better."

Adrian shrugs. "The last couple days were okay. Things are improving, slowly."

"Glad to hear it." The otter beams at Adrian then turns to me. "As for you, I'm guessing your ass has recovered from Sunday by now?" He accompanies the question with a self-satisfied laugh. My muzzle opens but the rest of my body goes stiff. My tail freezes, tensely wrapped across my legs. I haven't told Adrian a thing about bottoming for Marty. "Unless you got a taste for it, maybe the two of you had a go." He laughs again, not reading, or perhaps ignoring, the awkward expression of discomfort on my face.

"Wait what? Am I hearing this right? You fucked Kalie?" Adrian asks, eyes wide, tail flicking back and forth.

"He didn't say?" Marty takes a turn at widening his eyes.

"He didn't say a single word about it."

They both stare directly at me, their gazes easily piercing through my pathetic defenses and into the depths of my soul. Against my body's wishes, my muscles are forced into motion once more.

"Look, it's been a hell of a week, alright? I won't lie and say I forgot to tell you, Adrian, but we've had other things to focus on and to talk about and, I don't know, I felt like there was never a good time to bring it up." I offer a sheepish smile. "But you know now, so there's no harm done really."

Adrian's tail flicks once more and his nose twitches, then he closes his eyes and exhales.

"Well, you won our little competition then Marty. Your prize was Kalie's fine ass. How was it, by the way?"

"It was... an experience." I say with a shrug and evasive eyes.

"Oh come on Kale."

"I, uh, you know. It was decent. I mean, it was different. Giving myself over to Marty like that, letting him have his way with me... there's something extremely sensual about that. But, I don't know. Not really my thing. Not so much. I guess."

"Half vague, half glowing endorsement." Adrian laughs, the sound instantly lending some warmth to the proceedings. "But I wasn't really asking you anyway. How was it for you Marty?"

The otter performs a chef's kiss and winks. "Topping a top is always a pleasure, and Kale's all kinds of tight and warm. Truth is, he's a fine piece of ass."

Being talked about in such a dismissive manner and treated like a submissive bitch makes me feel strange, not totally terrible, but I'm neither used to it nor do I want to become used to it.

Adrian inhales and shivers visibly, as though enraptured in a singularly ecstatic moment of pleasure. "I can't lie, I'm jealous as hell."

"No reason to give up hope on it. I reckon you'll find an opportunity to have a go on that ass yourself sometime."

The fox stares blankly for a second, then opens his mouth and shakes his head.

"Heh, well, I don't think so. He's not, uh..."

Marty frowns.

"Really? You're both close and it's not like he's taken quite yet." He lets out a single laugh. "I know he said he and you aren't... But still, that doesn't mean there's no chance for fun."

Adrian tilts his head and hums.

We have to tread carefully here. This conversation is treading dangerously close to our planned method of getting Marty to slip up, we need to navigate it carefully.

"Sure, I guess anything's possible." Adrian says, the words coming out slow. He offers a shrug.

"And honestly," Marty takes another drag. "I wouldn't count yourself out of the race entirely, no matter what he says. I've seen the way he looks at you. That wolf would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat."

Adrian frowns, his eyes flicking toward me then flicking back without his head turning at all. My heart pounds. Where did all of that come from?

"And I'd take a bullet for Eve, but I'm not about to turn straight and ask her out," Adrian says.

"Sure," Marty shrugs and takes yet another drag. He looks at me with a soft smile. "I'm just saying that wolf has a lot on his plate, he needs some time and space to think, but as far as I'm concerned he could end up with me, Ryan, you, or even none of us at all." Another shrug, one with surprisingly little concern attached to it, Marty is as calm and cool as usual. He gives nothing away and treats everything he's saying as though it's nothing more than a passing observation on a subject of only minor concern. "I want him to make the best decision for him, whatever that is." Adrian stares back at him, muzzle parted a little, seemingly struggling for words or actions. One of his paws fiddles at an earring and he leans back against the couch.

It's tough, but I tear my eyes away from the fox. This doesn't make any sense. If what Ryan said is true then... well...

Adrian looks at me, muzzle clamped, ears back. I want to say something but...

I have to focus. The high isn't helping with its cloud of smog surrounding my thoughts. Get it together Kale. You have to change the subject. You're here for a reason.

"Something that was on my mind," I start. "Since you and Ryan aren't on good terms... how do I phrase this? If I were with... one of you... I guess I'm trying to say this: if I was with one of you I hope that wouldn't make things awkward, wouldn't make things worse, between the two of you."

"Well," he tilts his head. "It wouldn't make things better. But, the most important thing to consider is that it's neither your fault nor your responsibility what happens between me and Ryan. That's on the two of us."

I nod, thinking. Come on Kale, fight through the fog of emotion and chemicals and do what you came here to do.

"I'm gonna spend tomorrow with Ryan, by the way. Just thought I should let you know."

"Yeah?" He stubs the burning remains of his blunt into an ashtray and nods back, slow. "Cool. I really, uh, don't want to be the... I, uh... You know what? Don't worry about it." He smiles and wafts his thick tail back and forth at a leisurely pace. "I hope you have a good time with him tomorrow, but for now I wanna focus on having a damn good time with the two of you."

I smile right back at him and lose myself in thought.

What's happening here? How should I move forward? Is everything Ryan told me pure delusion after all?

Fuck this dense smokescreen that's fallen across my mind. It's the nerves, the weed, what Ryan said before, everything Marty has said today... I catch Adrian staring at me, he appears calm, patiently waiting for me to say something and lead the way forward from here. This is all too much. I thought I could do this, but, what the hell is happening? Why am I lying to Marty, playing this dumb game for Ryan, dragging Adrian into it?

Marty has been kind to us both, already that pokes a hole in Ryan's theories, if only a small one. He thought the comments Marty made about Adrian last I saw him were to drive a wedge between us, perhaps so he could more easily manipulate the situation between me, Ryan and himself. But today Marty's been kind, welcoming and courteous. For fuck's sake he openly acknowledged, with no ill will, that he felt Adrian was still potential 'competition' for him and Ryan.

He hasn't made any spurious comments about Ryan either. He hasn't gone out of his way to make him seem bad and the only things he did say, at behest of our prodding, line up exactly with how Ryan has actually been acting. I've given him ample opportunity to bitch or trip himself up and lie provably against all the new information Ryan has given us, but that hasn't happened. Every passing moment the tale Ryan weaved for me seems more and more likely to be nothing more than a series of paranoid delusions.

I would abandon the whole thing now and move on, part of me wants to, it's just...

Isn't that exactly what Marty would want me to think if Ryan was telling the truth? It's not just that, that's not proof or even really evidence, but there's more to it.

After a few brief comments at the beginning of this little get-together Marty has changed the subject quickly every time Ryan has been bought up. So, if Ryan is right, why would he do that? I guess it's that he has nothing particularly positive he wants to say, but he knows spewing negativity won't endear me toward him. He's already warned me to not trust Ryan and told me of their troubles, from his perspective perhaps the best play is to let things play out and see what happens next. React to developments rather than creating them himself when, from his perspective, things are going fine. He could also think that making sure we all have a good experience today will do more to push me toward him, away from Ryan, than actively trying to discredit the husky in such an obvious, overt fashion.

As for the way he's been with Adrian and the comments he's made... Maybe Ryan wasn't wrong about his intentions before, maybe Marty's tactics have merely changed. Perhaps he realized driving a wedge between the two of us wouldn't work, or simply that it's no longer his most effective option and if Ryan is right Marty's aim isn't to date me necessarily, just to push me away from the husky. Confusing things by making me think about Adrian in that way again would suit that goal perfectly.

Honestly, there's no way I can be sure what's real quite yet. What's more is that I don't think I will be by the end of the night if I just let things progress naturally from here on out. My heart is pounding. It's time to enact the plan Ryan and I came up with.

"It's just, the reason I brought it up is, well, I haven't been entirely honest with you Marty."

Me saying this to the otter - more than anything I've said so far today, perhaps more than anything I've ever said - brings him to complete attention. He leans forward, eyes focused solely on me, whole body tensed. His nose twitches.

"What do you mean?"

"When I last saw Ryan we talked about us, and you, more than I let on." I make a scene of it: I breathe in sharply, eyes closed, fingers tapping away on my leg in half-faked nervousness. "Look, Marty I know you and Ryan were a couple. I also know the two of you didn't break up until recently. Very recently. I wanted to make sure it's not still so sore that my decisions will ruin things for either of you."

Marty stammers a bit and leans back in the armchair.

"I, uh, okay. Okay. I guess, what I want to say to begin with is: I'm sorry I didn't tell you all that myself." He grips the arms of the chair tight and continues to speak slow. "We sort of informally agreed to not speak about that stuff right away, though there was no explicit deadline on the silence." He exhales heavily, visibly upset. "I don't blame him for telling you. I'm glad in a way. I wish he would have told me he told you, but..." He shrugs. "I wish we could have told you together, that we could all have talked it through with one another, but never mind that now. Hell, me and him may have ended up arguing anyway. Regardless, you know now and I'm glad for that."

"Yeah."

"So, uh, what did he say about all of it?"

"Well, you know, he just went over what happened, the basics at least. I know you had some worries that, uh, well you told me before I shouldn't completely trust him. If you want to offer your side of things then go ahead, I'll listen."

"I don't want... I don't want to make him out to be a bad guy or a liar or anything. In fact I'm sure he told you the truth, I just... I just want to make it really clear: he's a paranoid person - that's not a slight on his character, it's just a truth I've learned over all the time I've spent with him - and other than that we haven't been on the best of terms for a while now, especially since our break up. Especially since meeting you. It's not your fault it's just... Anyway, I don't doubt what he's told you in terms of the events themselves. I just want you to realize that the way he colored them, whatever spin he may have placed on them, knowingly or not, may not be so accurate."

Fuck, Marty is good at this. He hasn't contradicted a thing Ryan said, he's just rolling with it, refusing to engage in story telling, taking the higher path, being the bigger man. I could press him to relay exactly what happened during their break up, see if I can spot a difference, figure out which of the two of them is full of shit, but that would give my position away; it would make it far too obvious that I have an agenda. However, the fact that Marty is talking in such a vague, slick manner engenders me to believe Ryan, and yet conversely there is still no proof or evidence of his stories. If anything I should be doubting Ryan more heavily than ever.

"The truth normally sits somewhere in between both stories right? Don't worry, I get that." I say, doing my best to maintain composure and stick to the plan. Adrian nods beside me in support. He has little to add right now, but his mere presence is helping me more than I can adequately express.

Marty manages a small smile.

"To answer your original concern though, you going out with one of us, or whatever you decide, won't ruin anything. It's your life, you should live it in the way that's best for you. As for me and Ryan, we'll figure things out between us eventually. I'm sure of it."

And there it is: the thread, the rope I needed to take things to the next stage. Time to wrap him up in it and see if he'll hang.

Somehow all this intensity, deep thought, carefully considered conversation and straight-faced lying has left me more alert than ever, the drugs and anxiety in my system now utterly overwhelmed by adrenaline.

There's no use in hesitating now. No use in my pumping heart or my tense shoulders. There's no use in anything but moving forward with the plan.

This better fucking work.

"In that case, I need to tell you something."

"Okay. And what's that?"

"I'm sorry about all the smokescreens and the lack of total honesty from the start, but I wanted to be sure this wouldn't hurt you or your relationship with Ryan."

"Go on." He stares at me, expression completely blank.

"I've already made my decision. I made it when I last saw him." I force my body to rid itself of tension, put on a beaming smile and wag my tail stupidly. "Ryan and I, well," I chuckle to myself. "We're together. We're a couple. That total cutie is my boyfriend."